


Innocent Rain

by Saxon_Jesus



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Anal Sex, Child Abuse, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Rape, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Time Travel, Tons of OCs, Torture, mental breakdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 15:56:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 36
Words: 301,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5876836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saxon_Jesus/pseuds/Saxon_Jesus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One hundred and fourteen years after the supposed "final battle" with the Earl, Allen, Lenalee, Lavi, Kanda, and Miranda awake to discover that their enemies were not as vanquished as they had thought... </p><p>This work was originally published back in 2009 on ff.net and LJ. IT IS DATED. It was started back when Hoshino was on Hiatus in 2009 so it does not reflect current theories and information. I included most of the original end of chapter author notes. Also keep in mind that this is the first fic we ever wrote so, bear with us.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awakenings

Prologue—Awakenings

_June 6, 2013—London_

No one was sure why the Underground train stalled suddenly in the tunnel, rocking with the force of an unknown impact. The lights flickered, and then died; silence reigned. The passengers heard a strange, mechanical whine coming from outside the car. Suddenly, the train shook violently as a large explosion ripped a hole into its side. Stunned passengers stared, silent.

“Everybody get the fuck down!” A girl yelled, running from the tunnel outside and into the cabin. She was peculiarly dressed, sporting a long, black coat adorned with white crosses and the insignia of the rumored Dark Order. The car was silent with the bewildered passengers, none of whom could move from shock.

“I’m fucking serious!” The girl yelled. A moment later, the wall of the Underground, so carefully constructed by generations past, exploded, sending dust and fragments of rock through the windows and leaving dents in the strong, metal siding. The passengers watched, transfixed, as a shining green object spun unearthly fast toward the girl, who caught it deftly.

As the dust and debris cleared from the air, the passengers were able to see the ominous, round shape of the nightmarish creature known as an Akuma. Few hadn’t heard of the legendary battle fought over one hundred years ago, headed by the Dark Order’s fighters known as Exorcists, but the story had long ago become just that—a legend.

The telltale whine of the Akuma cannons charging prompted the girl to fling the green thing from her body, toward the menacing creature. “Innocence!” She shouted. “Boomerang!”

The Akuma stood no chance as the green object literally tore through its tough armor and back to the girl.

“Everybody down, NOW!” The girl shouted, dropping to her knees and covering her head as she did so. A moment later, a huge explosion rippled through the dank, underground air. Fire licked the side of the cabin, and some were unlucky enough to have their hair or clothes catch the flames.

Silence continued to hold the passengers, and after nearly a minute, the girl sighed in apparent relief. Then, getting up, she stalked off through the hole in the train and out of sight.

\---

_June 6, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch, two hours later_

Amanda sighed as she stepped out of the elevator to the Main Branch of the Dark Order. She knew she would have to give a tiresome report of her elimination of the three level ones she’d just taken out, and what she really wanted was a nice, warm shower to wash off the grime from the Underground… but duty called, and she was needed. Exorcists were rare these days, with only eighteen of them around the world, and even though she detested them, the reports helped monitor Akuma activities.

“Director Smith, I’ve got the Innocence you wanted me to collect,” she said as she reached his desk. He was a foreboding man, with a tall, intimidating figure that was all brawn and a thick, handlebar mustache whose color matched his graying black hair. He stared down at her with the air of someone about to give a dressing-down, and though Amanda wanted nothing more than to hide from that gaze, she stared right back, hoping she showed no weakness.

“Good. Did you run into any trouble?” The man asked, his deep voice seeming to resound through the large, circular office.

“None, really, just a few Akuma here and there…” She paused, not wanting to tell him that she’d destroyed most of the London Underground in the process. Even if the media did blame terrorists again.

“Oh, really?” The man asked, penetrating her with his best ‘I-know-you’re-hiding-something-so-‘fess-up’ glare.

“Well, there may have been… some, uh, trouble on the way back.” The Director’s eyebrows raised a good half-inch. “Um… involving a train car, explosions…exposing our secret…” Her voice trailed off, and she desperately hoped that the intimidating man hadn’t heard her last comment. She turned her gaze to the director, suppressing a cringe. Instead, she felt shock flow through her system as the man began unfolding a newspaper.

“I’d noticed,” the man said with a menacing undertone. “Do you recognize this picture?” He asked, and to her horror, Amanda saw a side view of her in her Exorcist jacket lobbing her discus Innocence at a shadow in the background.

“Ummmm… no?” She tried, hoping to escape punishment but knowing it was already too late.

“You know what the punishment is for exposing our secret, don’t you?” He said, cocking an eyebrow with a maniacal glint in his eye.

“No!” Amanda shouted. “No, no, no! Anything but that!”

“Yes,” Director Smith said. “That.”

“No!” Amanda wailed, but the Director simply handed her the Innocence she had brought back, placing it softly in her hand.

“Go on, now,” he said evilly. “She’s waiting for you.”

Amanda harrumphed, and giving him a mock salute, she left the Director’s office.

The bowels of the Black Order were always dank and musty from lack of use, but Amanda hated none of them more than Hevlaska’s Chamber. It wasn’t that she particularly disliked her, but Amanda was just… creeped out by her, for lack of a better term. The way she seemed omniscient, carelessly making prophecies here and there, using big phrases like “Destroyer of Time” and “The Awakening is upon us” and other bologna like that—it just… bothered her.

She descended, unwilling as she was, to Hevlaska’s Chamber, fully intending to give the ancient Exorcist the Innocence before holing herself up in a corner of the vast room until Director Smith decided to take mercy upon her aggrievèd soul. Spending the next month as Hevlaska’s personal conversationalist was not her favorite job, but mostly the sentence was cut short the next time the punished was given a new mission.

Sighing for what was probably the hundredth time that day; she disembarked from the elevator and walked over to Hevlaska.

“Innocence for ya, Hev,” she said, resigning herself to her fate.

To her surprise, there was no response.

“Um, Hev, didja hear me?” Amanda asked, worried despite herself. She leaned over the side of the railing. She gasped. Quickly, she ran over to the small service elevator that reached the bottom of Hevlaska’s Chamber and threw herself onto it, depressing the down button the second she could reach it. It descended painfully slowly, and Amanda’s heart raced as she ran to the ancient Exorcist. Hevlaska seemed to be in acute pain, curled in upon herself like someone about to lose the contents of her stomach. Amanda could hear a slow chant coming from Hevlaska, though the words were in no language she could understand. Perhaps Latin, she thought dimly, her mind clouded with panic. And then, to her horror, Hevlaska gave a huge… shudder was the only word for it… and regurgitated four Innocence-green crystals. A moment later, Hevlaska shuddered more violently and spat out what looked horrifyingly like a mummy. Amanda dropped the Innocence she had taken so much trouble to obtain. She stood, mesmerized by the happenings she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to see.

\----

The ground was a lot harder and colder than it had been the last time he’d been thrown down. And, more distressingly, it had gotten much quieter. Instead of the loud explosions of Akuma all around him and grunts and pants of fighting Exorcists, there was a deep, encompassing silence. It wasn’t the silence of a field just after battle—even then, Lavi knew from experience, there were screams from the wounded and agonized cries from the friends of the dead. The stillness reminded Lavi of a library, but the quality of it, as well as the slight wind that seemed to be stirring off to his left, made him think of something much different, a place he had only been to a handful of times. Lavi opened his eye a fraction and found his hypothesis to be correct; he was, indeed, in Hevlaska’s Chamber.

Interesting, he thought, groping automatically for Oodzuchi Kodzuchi and feeling nothing but air. He grasped quickly at his last memories before the darkness. There was Allen, fighting in the air with the Earl, displaying his determined expression as he skillfully blocked and parried every attempt his enemy made on him. To his right was Bookman, puncturing all nearby Akuma with his Heaven’s Compass needles. On the far end, Lenalee and Chaoji battled side by side, and to his left, he saw a shaded Exorcist leaping from Akuma to Akuma. Kanda, exactly ten meters behind him and five and a half centimeters to the right, was fighting with Road Kamelot, who, despite his best efforts on the Ark three years prior, had not died. Kanda was steadily wearing her down, though, and Lavi figured it was only a matter of time until his reluctant friend killed her completely. It smelled strongly of gun-powder and smoke. He could hear all the proper sounds of Exorcists fighting: activating their Innocence’s more powerful levels, swings of blades, shots of guns, and pounding of boots (Lenalee’s, of course). Then, suddenly, the sky turned dark for a moment, disorienting them all. A large shock shot them back a second before an earsplitting boom echoed out, destroying everyone’s eardrums. Lavi felt his own bleed, and he picked up a hand to verify it, when… he was on the hard, unforgiving ground of Hevlaska’s Chamber.

He ran the memories through his mind again, but he could only dredge up the memory of… nothingness, much like Lavi felt after a deep meditation on the meaning of being a Bookman.

He heard moans and turned his head to the right to see Allen and Lenalee on the ground. Gazing to his left, he saw Miranda almost a meter and a half away. His heart clenched for a second before he realized that just three quarters of a meter from him was Kanda. He breathed a sigh of relief before realizing what he was doing. Quickly, he repressed the feelings of panic and relief. You’re a Bookman, he told himself. You can’t feel these things.

A murmured whisper of “Gege” alerted Lavi that Lenalee was awake and already calling for her older brother. Next to her, Allen stirred.

“Lena…lee…” he mumbled, probably unaware of having done so. It was obvious the two were in love, but for the past three years, they’d been doing nothing but tip-toeing around each other, despite Lavi’s best attempts at matchmaking.

There was a grunt exactly three quarters of a meter to his left, and he heard fabric stir as Kanda stood.

The only one to make no noise was Miranda, but she seemed to be stirring more silently, and when Lavi paid attention, he realized her breathing had picked up like someone just coming out of a deep sleep. She would be getting up in a moment, so Lavi could safely keep his gaze from her and spend more effort trying to figure out just how they’d gotten—

A gasp, loud and echoing, resounded through the Chamber, and Lavi, feeling dumb, looked to his right. At the small service elevator stood a young, female Exorcist Lavi had never seen before. She had to be an Exorcist, as she was dressed in a jacket bearing the Order’s crest, and there was a piece of Innocence, likely to be given to Hevlaska, at her feet. She was maybe around 167.6 centimeters in height with light brown hair held up in a strong pony tail that reached just past the base of her neck. Her eyes, just slightly larger than average, showed surprise in their dark brown depths, and her petite nose and full lips completed the face of a definite strike!

She pulled a strange, small device from her pocket, and after flipping part of it up and pressing a few buttons, held it to her ear. After a short pause, she began to speak into it.

“Director,” she said, her voice revealing copious amounts of urgency. “Um, I think… well, there’s… well, actually I have no idea—” she paused, and if Lavi listened intently, he could hear a small noise coming from the device. “Yes, I have a reason for—yes—yes—WHAT!?” She pulled the device away from her ear, and flipping it into itself again, placed it back into her pocket.

She looked over at them with the obvious air of someone in a very, very uncomfortable situation.

“So,” she said as Lavi heard sounds of hands brushing off fabric from Miranda’s position. “Um. I’m Amanda.” She paused, smiling awkwardly at the obviously battle-weary group in front of her. No one responded with any greetings, so she shifted uncomfortably before adding. “Um, who’re you guys?”

“I’m Lavi,” he said and immediately regretted it. His voice came out as a croak, as if he hadn’t had any water in a long time. Pausing to clear his throat, he added, “and they’re Allen and Lenalee, and behind me are Yuu—er, Kanda—and Miranda.” His voice, damn it all, was still scratchy, but he managed to articulate enough for the other Exorcist to hear as he named each companion.

Shock spread across the girl’s face like an out of control wildfire. Her mouth went so far as to open just the slightest bit, as if she had been told that Jesus had returned for the Second Coming and was standing before her for all to see.

“W-wait,” she said slowly, as if she was wracking her brain for an elusive thought. “Hold on a second. You’re telling me that that kid over there is _Allen fucking Walker_?” She asked, pointing almost accusingly at the white-haired Exorcist.

“Er, yeah,” Lavi responded, deadpan.

“Allen fucking Walker?” She whispered to herself, seemingly amazed. Then, directing her attention back to Lavi, she added, “You mean to tell me that that kid is Allen Walker, the Destroyer of Time, the fifteen-year-old General, the kid who disappeared after the last battle with the Earl?” Her tone was incredulous, as if Jesus had told her that the Earth was, indeed, flat.

Lavi didn’t quite know how to respond, so he kept it simple. “Yes.”

The girl—Amanda, Lavi reminded himself—simply gaped for a moment before reaching back into her pocket and removing the device again. She flipped it open again and poked a button on the side as she brought it up to her ear. “Director,” she said her speech oddly monotone. She didn’t speak for a while until—“Director, get your fucking ass down here! It’s Allen fucking Walker!” This time, there was no response. Snapping the object closed again, she replaced it in her long, floor-length Exorcist jacket.

Looking at Allen, her expression showed mild curiosity. “Hey, Bean Sprout…” she began. Allen tensed.

“Don’t call me ‘Bean Sprout,’” he said, his voice cracking just as Lavi’s had at first.

“Why? All the books say that was your nickname,” Amanda said innocently.

“Kaaaandaaaa…” Allen growled menacingly, turning his head to glare at the man three quarters of a meter behind Lavi.

“Shut up, _Moyashi_ ,” Kanda replied, though his tone inferred that it was a more automatic response than one he’d thought to use.

“My name is Allen,” Allen responded icily, completing the verbal ritual between the two.

“You don’t like being called Bean Sprout?” Amanda said, butting into the short conversation that excluded all but the two Exorcists.

“Would you?” Allen questioned.

“Well, anyway, what’s that on your head?” Amanda continued quickly, waving her hand dismissively.

“Eh?” Looking up, Allen smiled broadly. “Oh, that’s just Timcanpy, my golem.”

“Looks a bit like the Golden Snitch,” Amanda remarked, private amusement showing on her face.

“What’s a ‘Golden Snitch?’?” Lavi asked, genuinely curious. It was obvious from the way the girl spoke that they’d been asleep for a while, which would explain why he didn’t get what she was referring to. Also, the girl spoke with the strangest accent he’d ever heard. It sounded vaguely American, but all the inflections were wrong, and she spoke with a mouth even Kanda could be proud of. She looked at Lavi with astonishment.

“You haven’t read—” she paused. “Oh, right. You’ve all been asleep forever. You wouldn’t know… Jesus Christ…” She faded off, and Lavi let her.

He was about to ask her again what this “Golden Snitch” object was when the door to Hevlaska’s chamber opened with a bang. The service lift rose to the top and was soon back down, regurgitating a tall, burly man with salt-and-pepper hair. Behind the intimidating man stood two men in white coats who could only be the man’s lackeys. Lavi took in every detail he could, memorizing postures and features of the three men. It was obvious from the burly man’s posture and expression that he was in charge, probably of the entire Main Branch. What had happened to Komui?

Before he could ask, though, Lenalee stood up, shocked. “Where’s _Gege_?”

The Director paused, looking at Lavi’s comrade, before answering with an eloquent, “what?”

“Komui. Where is Komui?” Lenalee asked, her voice becoming more worried with each syllable.

“Komui…” the Director repeated, and suddenly his eyes went wide with understanding. “Komui Lee is dead, along with everyone else you knew.”

Lenalee looked stricken. Allen stood up and grabbed her before she could fall to her knees. Tears started to leak from her dark brown eyes as what the Director said struck home.

“Dead?” She repeated her voice disbelieving. Allen pulled her close, hugging her, and Lenalee relaxed in to the embrace, though her eyes never left those of the burly man.

“Yes, a long time ago,” the man confirmed. “I’m sorry.”

Lenalee shook and hid her face in Allen’s shoulder. Allen put his chin on her head and rubbed his hands comfortingly on her back. Quietly, he said, “It’s okay, Lenalee, we’ll make new friends and rebuild your world.”

Lavi gave a low whistle. “Smooth, Allen,” he said. He wanted to improve the sudden somber mood of the room, and perhaps that comment would bring Lenalee back from her private grief. Allen glared darkly at Lavi, his gaze saying that he would kill the other man if he so much as uttered another sound. He got a whap on the back of his head and realized that Kanda had moved directly behind him. He tried to stop his heart from pounding at the thought. Fixing Kanda’s new position in his head, he turned back to the Director. He was definitely British, but just like the American girl, he was using inflections that seemed to be from another age. Just how long had they been asleep?


	2. 21st Century Men

Chapter 1—21st Century Men

June 6, 2013

“So what _is_ a Golden Snitch?” Lavi asked curiously as the five of them and Amanda sat down in the Order’s dining hall.

“Oh,” said Amanda, face brightening with the topic. “It’s this magical golden ball with wings used in a fictional sport called Quidditch.”

Lavi stared at her. “Forget I asked,” he said blankly, making a mental note to ask for a copy of whatever book that was from.

Lenalee, sitting on his left side, picked lightly at her food, obviously having lost her appetite. Lavi couldn’t blame her, but none of them had had more than a few bites to eat during the thirty-six-hour-long battle against the Earl. And that was before they had all been encased in their Innocence for 114 years. “Lenalee, you should eat something. Just look at Allen,” he remarked, gesturing to the boy sitting across from them, his body obscured by the piles of food in front of him. Every once in a while, crumbs flew across the table, hitting their faces or landing in their food. Amanda stared in wonder.

“Never seen a parasitic-type before?” Lavi asked, stuffing a forkful of tender steak into his mouth.

“No, I have, it’s just the only other person who eats like that is Lolek,” she replied. Lolek, Lavi repeated to himself. Sounded Polish. He vaguely wondered if the man was in the room and scanned for another pile of plates. Seeing none, he turned back to Amanda, giving her a questioning glance.

“Oh, he’s off on a mission,” she said, correctly interpreting Lavi’s expression. “Actually, we were on a mission together, but we got separated halfway back. He’ll be back soon enough, I wouldn’t worry.” Lavi wasn’t worried.

Kanda stood up grimly, scoffing as he swept out of the room.

“Wha’s wong wif ‘im?” Amanda asked through an atrociously large mouthful of food.

“He’s just angry because the Order doesn’t serve Japanese food,” Lavi replied, taking another bite. “I fink ‘e acshally misses Jewwy a bit.”

“Who doesn’t?” Lenalee whispered into her plate. Without meaning to, Lavi put his left hand on her shoulder. Lavi understood. As much as he tried not to, he still missed Bookman. The second after he had gotten the year from the Director, he had understood the truth immediately. Not wanting to believe it, he had gone to Hevlaska and asked her if she was keeping anyone else in her Innocence storage units. She had responded negatively, and Lavi had to hold back the tears that he wanted to promise himself weren’t about to spill from his eye.

Clearing her throat, Amanda forced a smiling expression on her face. Then, surprisingly, her eyes lit up in joy, and she waved someone over.

“Mr. Darcy!” She cried out in a horrible approximation of a British accent. “Come over here!”

An angry growl echoed across the room, but a few moments later, someone sat on Lavi’s blind side. Slightly irritated, Lavi turned his head to see the newest arrival. He was Irish, Lavi noticed, with ginger-red hair much lighter than Lavi’s own. He had green-grey eyes and freckles that stood out starkly against the palest skin Lavi had ever seen. Overall, he looked absolutely nothing like the Darcy in Jane Austen’s _Pride and Prejudice_.

“I told you,” the man said, outraged. “It’s O’Connell or at least Darce.”

“Nope, not gonna happen!” Amanda replied cheerfully. “Your name is Darcy. Blame your parents, not me.”

“I’d prefer not to be compared to a fictional character, if you don’t mind,” Darcy replied in an Irish lilt.

“Hello, Mr. Darcy!” Lavi crowed in a perfect imitation of Allen’s accent. “Lovely day out, eh what?” The man turned his stony glare to his neighbor.

“Haven’t seen you before. What’s your name?” He asked suddenly.

“Lavi. And over there—y’see the kid behind the big pile o’ plates? That’s _Allen Walker_.” He sounded as if he was divulging the world’s biggest secret, stage whispering his comrade’s name into the other man’s ear.

“WHAT!?” The Irish man shouted out. “Don’t kid, kid,” he said.

“No, it’s true, Mr. Darcy,” Amanda said earnestly. She pulled Allen from behind his slowly shrinking pile of food. “See?”

The other man dropped his fork and stared. As the metal object hit the ground, the man blinked then muttered “ _shit!_ ” as he bent down to pick it up.

“Would you stop making a spectacle out of me every time we see someone new, Lavi?” Allen asked, his speech as polite as ever, even behind his annoyed tone.

“Say, Mr. Darcy, do you play cards?” Lavi asked pointedly, ignoring the kid. He loved watching Allen's Black side.

“Not much, but I have a violin.”

Allen’s head shot up from behind his pile.

“Can I play?” He asked urgently.

“Sure,” Darcy said. “Do you mind grabbing it, Amanda? I haven’t had anything to eat, or I’d get it myself—”

“Anything for you, Mr. Darcy,” Amanda said, trotting out of the room with a smirk on her face. Lavi had the distinct impression that he would get along with her well.

Lenalee, still stirring her food despondently around her plate, seemed to be in a world of her own. Lavi knew she wouldn’t allow this otherwise, but he wanted to see how well Allen could still control _it_. Lavi himself wasn’t doing well with his own self-control, feeling things he shouldn’t be allowing himself, so he was sure Allen might also be having troubles.

Amanda ran back into the room, breathless, but carrying a long, rectangular case. Allen quickly grabbed it from her, pausing only to wipe his hands off on his pristine napkin. His hands trembled slightly in anticipation as he opened the case. He pulled the violin out carefully, resting it on the table before unhooking the bow. Twisting the end deftly, he tightened the horse hair until it was roughly one and a half centimeters from the polished wood. Reaching into a pocket of the case, he pulled out a block of rosin. It was then that he paused.

“Have you used rosin recently?” He asked of Darcy. The man shook his head negatively, and Allen proceeded to pull the block across the hair. Then, grabbing the violin, he placed it on his left shoulder and brought the bow up. He closed his eyes, which worried Lavi slightly, and began to play an Irish fiddle tune.

A moment later, he began singing _in an Irish accent_. Lavi’s heart clenched. He felt Lenalee tense next to him.

“ _In the merry month of May, from my home I started…_ ” Allen sang. Lenalee pulled away from the bench and went over to him. Grabbing his right hand, she stilled the bow before pulling it away from him entirely. She snatched the violin from him, and when Allen continued to sing, she put the violin on the bench next to Darcy and then turned back to him. She slapped him across the face, hard enough that his head snapped to the right. He immediately quieted.

“What did I tell you about music, Allen?” She hissed. Her voice was cold and without emotion. Lavi knew how much it hurt her to do this, but he noticed Allen’s skin had darkened, just slightly. Lavi knew, even though he couldn’t see Allen’s eyes, that they had turned to the characteristic gold of the Noah that he was.

The boy blinked, and when he turned back to Lenalee, looking sheepish, his skin and eyes had regained their normal pigmentation. Lenalee glared, and then pulled his arm, dragging him from the room.

Lavi looked back at the two other Exorcists at the table, wondering how much they had noticed. _Not much,_ he concluded after a moment. Both seemed genuinely shocked by Lenalee’s reaction, rather than Allen.

“Sorry about that. Sometimes, when Allen plays music, Lenalee gets mad. It, er, reminds her of the people we’ve lost.” He hoped no one would remark on why an _Irish_ tune would bother the _Chinese_ girl, and thankfully, no one did.

There was an uncomfortable silence that no one seemed to be able to break, and after a minute, Miranda got up and left as well, probably going to see if Allen was alright. The silence became even tenser as Lavi finished his steak, and he was just thinking of flirting outrageously with the American girl across from him to lighten the mood when the door slammed open.

“There’s. Someone. In. My. Room!” Kanda half roared, rage showing clearly through his dark eyes. Amanda stood up, shocked.

“That’s right! You don’t have rooms!” She exclaimed, covering her mouth. Her eyes widened even more. “Not to mention clean clothes.”

A bench scraped, and Lavi looked around. One of the new director’s lackeys stood up. “Actually,” he said. “Their effects and clothing are all stored up in the Director’s office. One of the old directors had them put there.”

A second later, Kanda strode over to the smaller man, lifting him up by the collar of his shirt. “Is there a lotus flower in there?” He hissed. Lavi noticed the slight panic in his voice, although he was sure that he was the only one who did.

“I-I don’t know,” the lackey said, clearly frightened. “There might be. Please don’t hurt me.” He raised his hands up in surrender, and Kanda reluctantly let go. The man settled to his feet with a big breath.

“I can take you to his office,” the lackey offered.

“I know where it is, _bakayarou_ ,” Kanda growled, turning his back and storming from the room.

Taking this as his cue to leave, Lavi nodded toward his new comrades, and shouted after Kanda, “Wait for meee, Yuuuu-chaaaan!”

Kanda stiffened and his gait slowed. “Don’t call me by my first name!” He yelled back.

“But Yuuuuu!” Lavi groused, falling into pace with the man.

Kanda growled but relented as they walked quickly to the Director’s office. They passed Allen, Lenalee, and Miranda on the way. They stared after the duo in shock, probably wondering why they were walking so fast. Lavi knew the speed was the only indication of Kanda’s panic but didn’t comment on it.

\---

Luckily, Kanda’s lotus flower was safe and sound, tucked in an out-of-the-way drawer with a note on it, saying: “Hands off if you don’t want Kanda after your blood.” The handwriting was messy in a familiar way, and since the paper was very yellow with age, Lavi had to guess that it was from Komui. Certainly, since the lackey had mentioned an old Director had put their things here, it had to be from the crazy man. Underneath the drawer was a cabinet filled with clothes, but they hadn’t lasted as well with age.

“You should probably get some new clothes anyway,” Amanda remarked. She had followed, albeit more slowly, along with the others. “You’d all stick out like a sore thumb in that shit.” She pointed a finger at Allen, who was inspecting one of his better-preserved white shirts.

“You’re probably right,” Lenalee said, stroking a ruined dress sadly.

“You’ll need some new uniforms, too, as yours are… well, you can see the state of them for yourselves, obviously.” All of their uniforms were heavily battle worn, sporting scuffs, scorch-marks, and cuts all through them.

“And they’ll need their Innocence back, of course,” Kanda said irritably, holding the lotus flower to his chest like a lifeline. Lavi saw his hand twitch to his side, as if itching to activate Mugen. Lavi looked down at his familiar hammer holster and remembered that Oodzuchi Kodzuchi hadn’t been in it the last time he’d checked. Even Miranda seemed to be searching herself for her Innocence.

“Oh, you guys didn’t notice? I said you were encased in your Innocence, so I assumed you were all crystal-types, like Lenalee.”

Understanding hit Lavi like a blow from Bookman. He winced minutely at the thought. _He’s dead, Lavi, get over it._ He pulled off his hammer holster and ripped the material of his pant leg. There was a red mark there in the shape of his hammer. “Innocence, activate,” he said quietly. Blood seeped from the mark and solidified into his hammer, which was only a few shades redder than he remembered. Still, the shape was the same, and the weight was familiar as he grabbed it from his leg. Turning to Kanda, who was a meter to his left, he said, “guess we’re all crystal-type now, Yuu.”

“Don’t call me by my first name,” Kanda grunted before following suit and activating his Innocence. A sheath appeared at his hip, and he swiftly put his lotus flower on the ground before pulling the blade out with relief in his expression. Miranda, too, followed suit, and the Time Record materialized before her eyes. Lavi had been wondering what the small, red disk floating above her arm had been. Now he had his answer. _Next time, don’t be so stupid,_ he scolded himself. He should have realized, but of course, he hadn’t.

“Well, we’ll need a few hours to shop, and since the stores don’t close for a bit, why don’t we go now?” Amanda said, interrupting the small Innocence-fest.

\---

As they took the lift down to the ground, Amanda chattered away with Lavi, and he caught up on current events as best he could. They reached the bottom without incident, and as they stepped out of the elevator, Amanda pulled something out of her pocket. It was small and black, and something beeped as she pressed a button.

“So, who wants to ride shotty?” She asked as they neared whatever had made the noise. It was shiny and black, and it had wheels, but Lavi hadn’t the slightest idea what it was supposed to be.

“Ride what?” Allen asked, confused.

Amanda slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. “Who wants to ride up front?” She asked, frustration layering her voice and making it deeper.

“Ride _what_?” Allen repeated firmly.

Amanda repeated the action and sighed. Aggravated, she said, “You guys have no idea what a fucking car is, do you?”

Silence was all the answer she needed.

“Okay. Allen, you’re up front. The rest of you can squeeze in the back. Make sure to buckle up, ‘kay?” She pulled open the front door and got in. They all stood around, confused.

“Open the doors, the car won’t eat you,” she said slowly, as if talking to a young child. To Allen, she added, “go to the other side and get in over there.” They followed her instructions, and after a minute, the car purred to life.

“Don’t forget to buckle up!” Amanda warned again. “I won’t be held responsible if we get in an accident and you all fly through the windows.”

“Is that likely?” Miranda asked, her tone worried.

“Only if you don’t buckle up,” Amanda said, though Lavi was sure she was joking.

Lavi watched Amanda carefully, waiting to see what this “buckle up” thing was. He saw her reach to her right and pull down a chord of some sort. Then, reaching across her lap and to her left, she secured it in place in some sort of rectangular device, and a clicking sound followed. Lavi, assuming this was the action the girl was referring to, quickly looked to his side. He had been lucky enough to have a window seat. Kanda was next to him, and the two girls sat on the other side, with Miranda at the window. Seeing the gray chord, he quickly mirrored Amanda’s actions. Then, reaching over to the confused-looking Japanese man, he fastened the other man’s chord into a rectangle, too.

“There you go, Yuu-chan! All buckled up!” Lavi exclaimed, lingering as close to the other man as he could for full dramatic effect. Finally reaching back (he made sure to brush his arm along the man’s chest as he did so), he settled into his seat, waiting for the reaction. He wasn’t disappointed.

Kanda stiffened, as if Lavi’s nearness was something foreign, unknown. It was a mark of how shocked the other man was that he didn’t respond with his usual “don’t call me by my first name, _baka usagi_.” The others just stared. Lavi smirked inwardly. This was just too much fun!

Up front, Lavi heard a distinct snort, followed by a giggle. He assumed the American girl had been watching the show. Lavi even allowed a tiny, satisfied smile to sit on his lips. It was unlike his usual careless, broad grin. It was genuine.

The other Exorcists all followed Lavi’s example, and after they’d all secured the chords around them, Amanda gave a big grin. All of a sudden, the car began to move at an alarming speed.

“For the love of God and all that is holy, SLOW DOWN!” Allen shouted, knuckles turning white as he grasped the edges of his seat.

“What? We’re only going a bit over fifty kilometers per hour!” Amanda responded.

“Unheard-of speed,” Allen muttered under his breath. Even trains barely made it that fast.

“What are you talking about? It’s so fucking slow! In America, I could drive sooo much faster. Especially with the five-over rule: If you’re five over, it’s only a warning! If they stop you, which they won’t.” She laughed maniacally, and Lavi felt his stomach drop a bit. He was a bit afraid of this car thing they were in, he had to admit.

Soon—not soon enough for the Exorcists—they reached a street with an assortment of shops lining it, and within minutes, they were inside, staring at the designs that were popular these days.

“These are so lewd!” Lenalee commented, holding up a white, see-through shirt with no sleeves and a scoop neck. The others nodded in general agreement. It would be a while before they found something to their tastes.

A startled yell came from a dressing room, and Miranda was suddenly pushed out of the door. Attempting to cover her bare skin, she stepped toward her friends. Amanda appeared behind her, curtain swishing as it closed.

“I’m—I’m sorry!” Amanda wailed. “I didn’t realize you’d be so embarrassed! But you look fucking hot! All the guys are gonna be like, ‘holy shit, babe, come have some fun with me.’”

Lavi nodded in agreement.

Miranda looked horrified.

Amanda then busied herself running around the store, searching for somewhat modest clothes for the others. The group huddled close together, as if that would save them from the immense culture shock they were now suffering.

“Hey, Yuu, what size pants do you wear?” Amanda yelled from across the store. Kanda, barely three centimeters from Lavi’s left shoulder, immediately looked enraged, and Lavi could hear mumbled Japanese curses. He stalked toward the loud girl, and after a whispered conference, during which Lavi assumed many threats were traded, Kanda walked back with a pair of pants. He entered the dressing room that Miranda had just vacated, and Lavi tried not to pay attention to the sounds as Kanda removed his Exorcist pants. Lavi heard a rustle of fabric that he assumed was the other man pulling on his new wardrobe. A grunt emerged from behind the curtain, and all movement stopped. Then it started again, and then stopped. There was an irritated sigh.

“They don’t fit,” Kanda said grimly.

“What! That’s ridiculous! Of course they do,” Amanda said as she pushed past Lavi. Ripping open the curtain, she quickly went over to the Japanese man, who was standing with the pants half up his thighs. They were obviously quite stuck. She went behind him, and without a moment’s hesitation, grabbed the waist of the clothing, yanking it up sharply. Kanda winced as the pants chafed his—Lavi stopped that thought dead in his mind. Amanda then reached around the man’s waist and cheerfully did up his fly and button.

“See?” She said, all chipper. “I told you.” She patted his butt and walked back to admire her handiwork. Lavi wasn’t quite sure, but he thought he saw suppressed tears in the other man’s eyes. Still, Lavi had to admit, he looked… Lavi stopped his thoughts again. He didn’t want to get a nosebleed. _Damn, those pants are tight!_ He exclaimed in his mind. Shaking his head slightly, he cleared his mind from the emotions bombarding it.

“Oh. And what the _fuck_ was with those briefs?” Amanda asked incredulously. She turned to the other male Exorcists. “You guys are _all_ boxer boys. Well, maybe not Allen,” she amended.

“Oi!” Allen exclaimed, outraged.

“Jus’ sayin’,” Amanda said as she grabbed Kanda’s hand and pulled him to the men’s department. “You come, too, Lavi!” She shouted over her shoulder. Amused, Lavi followed.

\---

Three hours and five well-dressed Exorcists later, they reached the car. Collapsing onto the seat with exhaustion, Lavi could only sigh in relief that this horrifying excursion was over. The boxers felt weird. Amanda turned around in her seat.

“Y’all hungry?” She asked, showing none of the fatigue the others did.

Allen’s stomach gave out a large, affirmative growl, and Amanda laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes, then,” she said. Her eyes widened and sparkled with mischief, and Lavi found himself wondering what else she could possibly throw at them.

“Let’s get McDonald’s, then,” she said, putting the car in reverse.

“Mc—I’m sorry, what?” Allen asked. His stomach growled again, though, signifying that anywhere with food would probably do.

The golden arches in the shape of an ‘m’ stood almost ominously over the building. Lavi could smell grease, so strong it threatened to turn his stomach. Amanda didn’t seem to notice, though, and she led the group of uneasy Exorcists into the restaurant.

The inside was noisy and crowded, and Lavi immediately lost Kanda’s position, no longer able to hear his swift, sharp movements. For some reason, this distressed him, but he ignored it, instead pausing his stride until the man passed ahead of him. Keeping behind and to the right of Kanda, he moved forward once more. Amanda looked back, probably wondering where Lavi had disappeared to, and when she saw him, she shot him a half-smile. It seemed almost… knowing. _What am I missing?_ Lavi thought, horrified.

“Allen, since you’re so hungry, you go first,” Amanda said. “Just choose something on the menu up there—I suggest the Big Mac, personally.” She giggled a bit.

“What are ‘fries’?” He asked after a moment. Amanda sighed.

“Just let me,” she said. She leaned up to the counter and added to the employee, “I’ll have ten Big Macs, six large fries, and three soft drinks.”

Allen looked at her. “And what are you going to eat?” He asked.

The employee looked stunned. “You’re going to eat all that, kid?” She asked incredulously.

“Well, yeah. Of course,” He replied blankly. The employee gave him a doubting look, but at Amanda’s glare, she put the order in.

“Let’s see… for me, I’ll have the fish fingers, and fries and a drink from the dollar menu. The girls will have a double cheeseburger and a medium fry apiece, with drinks. The redhead’ll have the Chicken Legend value meal, and the Asian’ll have a happy meal.”

“I’ll have a salad, thanks,” Kanda interjected coldly.

“So you’ve got ten Big Macs, six large fries, three soft drinks, fish fingers, a small fry, and a drink, two double cheeseburgers, two mediums fries, and two drinks, a Chicken Legend value meal, and a salad,” the employee summarized.

“Yup, that’s about it,” Amanda said, grinning. The employee reached under the counter and produced seven cups as Amanda handed over a shiny, plastic rectangle. Lavi noticed a long string of numbers on it and quickly committed them to memory. He didn’t know if he’d need them later or not, but it was good to know, just in case.

They all settled down to eat a few minutes later, the employees staring intently at Allen’s pile of burgers. Lavi saw currency being passed between them, and he assumed they had a bet going on as to whether he could finish it or not. Lavi grinned; he wondered which employee would be getting all the money.

Allen dug in at once, but after he finished his first burger, he paused. Lavi gaped. Allen never paused while eating.

“This is horrible,” he said before continuing to stuff his face. Lavi snickered.

“That’s our Allen!” He crooned, winking at the boy.

“ _Itadakimasu,_ ” Kanda muttered next to him, his hands clapped together. Then, awkwardly holding the plastic fork, he began to eat his less-than-appetizing salad. He grimaced, but that was all the indication he gave that the food wasn’t to his liking.

Amanda dug in with gusto, and Lavi, Lenalee, and Miranda followed suit. Lavi instantly regretted it. It was as greasy as the establishment smelled. Still, he was hungry, and since Amanda had obviously treated them, he was determined to finish.

Across from him, Allen was already working on his fries and was on his last soft drink. Within a minute, even those were gone, and he began to stare idly out the window as he waited for everyone else to finish. There was little conversation, save for the few admonitions from the other Exorcists when Allen stole little bits of their food. Lenalee went as far as to slap his wrist in mock offense. Soon, he began to stare out the window again, thinking of who-knew-what. Lavi shrugged and turned back to the others, who had slowed down enough to make conversation.

As he swallowed the last bite of his chicken sandwich and wiped his hands off on a paper napkin, Lavi looked back over at Allen and was horrified to see that he was tapping something with one hand. Absentmindedly, he brought another hand up, and Lavi realized that he was moving his fingers as he would to play the piano controlling the Ark. Another moment and Lavi noticed that the finger pattern matched the Ark’s melody, and he immediately brought his hand up and snapped it in front of the boy’s eyes.

“Oi, Fourteen!” He said. Allen jumped and looked into Lavi’s eye.

“What?”

Lavi cast his mind around for a way to get out of the room to somewhere private. “I gotta take a piss, come with me.” With that, he got up and pulled the smaller boy with him.

As they walked off, he heard Amanda comment, “wow, and I thought only girls needed company to go to the bathroom.”

Lavi looked over his shoulder and winked. “We’re not just using the bathroom, Amanda,” he said before turning back and practically hauling Allen into the room with him. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard a low growl as the door closed. He could almost imagine Kanda’s corresponding glare in his direction.

“L-Lavi,” Allen stammered. “What’s wrong?”

“You were doing _it_ again, Allen. That’s the second time today. The last time you had a slip like that was right after you changed. I know it may be harder to control now, since you haven’t had to really do it while we were encased in our Innocence, but you know what they’ll do to you if they find out.” Lavi felt a strange emotion constrict his chest and wondered vaguely what it was. _Worry_ , his mind told him before he promptly drove the unwanted emotion behind the wall in front of his heart.

Allen looked stricken. “I—thank you, Lavi,” he said, his voice quiet with shame.

“It’s fine; just make sure you control it.”

Allen nodded, and Lavi pulled him into a quick, manly hug that was more back slapping than actual hugging.

“Good, now let’s leave before Yuu gets jealous of us,” he said. That brought a smile back to the younger boy’s face.

“Yeah, I don’t want to have to face Mugen,” Allen joked back.

“You and me both, _Moyashi_ ,” Lavi said, doing his best impression of the Japanese Exorcist’s voice and accent. Allen stopped and gaped.

“Good impression,” he complimented. Lavi basked under the praise. He was sure Bookman would have said the same thing. His heart constricted, but he denied the emotion, and it was soon gone.

“That was quick!” Amanda commented as they sat back down. “Thought you boys’d be at it longer.”

“Yeah, well, we haven’t done that in a while. You know how things like that go. Old Allen just couldn’t contain himself.”

Amanda laughed heartily, throwing her head back with genuine amusement. Allen blushed mightily. _Ah, to tease a virgin,_ Lavi thought exuberantly.

They finished their meals soon after that and walked back to the car. Allen looked like the food hadn’t sat well with him, but as Lavi was feeling the same, he didn’t comment on it. They took their seats the second the doors were unlocked, and as they pulled out, Amanda frowned into the rearview mirror.

“It’s a bit too quiet, don’tcha think?” She asked, twiddling with one of the black dials on the dashboard. Abruptly, music began playing.

Everyone blanched, Lavi included.

“What… what _is_ this?” Miranda gasped out. Lenalee looked horrified.

“It’s called _Baby Got Back,_ ” Amanda replied nonchalantly.

“It’s—it’s— _disgusting!_ ” Lenalee blurted out.

“Welcome to the twenty-first century, babe.”

Allen, face as white as Lavi’s own, fiddled desperately with the dials, finally coming to rest on a piece everyone could recognize. The four notes of the very beginning of the first movement, so famous even after just over 200 years, rang clearly through the radio.

Lavi looked at Allen’s back, but he could see no telltale signs of the Noah within him. Apparently, Allen’s control had become rock solid again, and Lavi relaxed. Lenalee, on the other hand, was not as observant, and after a moment, she told Amanda to change the station, that she didn’t like this song.

“No, Lenalee,” Allen said softly, and the girl looked stricken. “I’m perfectly fine; I’m in control right now. I’ve always liked listening to music—this won’t affect me.”

Lenalee nodded reluctantly, but her eyes betrayed the worry that she felt for the other Exorcist. Amanda shot a suspicious look back, but Lavi just smiled broadly and winked at her.

“So, I noticed that you’ve got a very dirty mouth,” he said conversationally, hoping his attempt to change the subject didn’t sound ubrupt.

“Yeah, well, I’m American,” she responded, as if that explained everything.

“None of the Americans _I_ knew swore worse than Yuu.”

“Yeah, well, Americans back then were pussies.”

_Yes,_ Lavi thought. _I’m_ definitely _going to get along with this girl._

\---

Once back at headquarters, the Director assigned them rooms, but Kanda steadfastly refused any but his own. Lavi and Allen followed him warily as he strode swiftly down the brightly-lit hallways—Lavi would have to discover what was illuminating them some other time—and toward his ever-familiar quarters. They’d all been assigned to this section of Headquarters, and Lavi was actually assigned next to Kanda’s old room, but he had to admit that perhaps the other man was being a bit over-sensitive about the issue. He was walking ahead of the rest of them, looking upon everyone and everything else with a disdainful expression, his hand resting lightly on Mugen’s hilt. Lavi vaguely wondered why he would have activated his Innocence and immediately came to the conclusion that he wanted to look more threatening. As it was, everyone they encountered shrunk back fearfully as the Asian Exorcist walked past. Lavi and Allen shot them apologetic looks as they followed their friend.

As he reached his room, the Finder currently residing in it had the unfortunate coincidence of leaving the room. _This isn’t going to end well_ , Lavi noted. Kanda raged toward the bewildered man, whose face held a shock that would have been almost comical had the situation not been so grave. Grabbing the Finder’s collar, he roughly shoved the man into the wall.

“That’s my room,” he said icily.

Suddenly, Allen was at his side, and he grabbed Kanda’s wrist tightly with his right hand.

“Kanda,” he half-growled. “Let that Finder alone.”*

The Japanese man froze and stared down at the younger Exorcist. Lavi noted a glint of uncertainty in Kanda’s eyes. Was it fear? Perhaps. No one was quite sure how powerful the Fourteenth could be, and Allen could be damn well _scary_ when he was enraged. They’d discovered this over the three years after the Ark incident had occurred. Still, Kanda glared back for a long, tense moment before roughly releasing the Finder he held fast against the wall. Lavi noticed the Finder settle back down on his feet, as if he’d been lifted off them in the force of Kanda’s silent rage. Pulling his arm out of Allen’s strong grip, Kanda walked silently into his old room.

“I’m sorry,” Allen said, turning to the Finder. “I don’t know why, but it seems very important to Kanda to have this room. Please excuse his behavior; he was way out of line.”

The Finder, too dumbstruck from what had just happened, simply nodded before walking off, trembling slightly. Allen turned and followed the man, but Lavi stayed at the open door to Kanda’s room and peeked inside. Kanda was stooped on the ground, shaking heavily with emotion, it was one that Lavi was sure wasn’t anger. Slipping away, Lavi dropped Kanda’s bags of clothes and his lotus flower in the doorway before stepping inside his new room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… there’s chapter 1. From now on, it gets serious… seriously. There were many references and inside jokes that went into this chapter, and there will be more, but from now on, the plot starts to form. The chapters probably will get longer, too. We tried to do Lavi’s point of view as best as we could. He’s got a very analytical mind and he notices _everything_. So we really wanted to capture that. Also, if you take a closer look, notice how Lavi always knows exactly how far Kanda is from him at all times… Emily 1 and I got a real kick out of that. ;P Also, we’re editing this together, but we don’t have a beta, so if anything slips through, please forgive us our mistakes!
> 
> *For those of you who don’t recognize this, this is from TehExorcist’s DGM Abridged Series. Look it up on youtube. It’s great.


	3. Who Controls the Ark? Noah, Noah!

Chapter Two – Who Controls the Ark? Noah, Noah!

__October 25, 1888—Ruins of Salzburg, Austria

Yuu knew he had only minutes to live when the dark form of the ruthless Noah appeared in front of him. Though Moyashi had tried to exorcize him—Yuu never failed to be amused at the irony of an Exorcist actually exorcizing someone—Tyki Mikk had somehow survived, losing the balance his “white” side had given him. Tyki had become, if possible, the most ruthless, deadly Noah of the entire clan. He was almost worse than the Earl himself. He spared no one, using his Tease or sometimes just ripping out his victim’s still-beating heart. Yuu could not bring himself to be afraid, though. He knew what his fate was and so could resign himself to it, taking only a moment to regret that he had never found her. Even the Lotus Spell would not keep him alive, and for some reason, that comforted Yuu. Gripping Mugen’s hilt tightly, Yuu prepared for his last battle, hoping that he could at least take the merciless creature with him.

It didn’t take long.

“I no longer play with my prey,” Tyki growled, his insane grin stretching wider than any mouth had the right to. “Such a pity, when my prey is so pretty.” He giggled. “Seems I have a knack for rhyming,” he said, his grin widening even further.

Yuu didn’t even have the time to feel angered, because faster than his eyes could track, the Noah was in front of him. Yuu dodged as best he could from the Noah’s jabbing arms.

“Mugen,” he muttered. “ _Hatsudou!_ ” The chokuto, which had returned to its original form after its evolution to Crystal type, shone brightly with the Innocence’s power, and dodging another of Tyki’s attacks, he drew it. The power of the blade gave him the strength to begin his offensive attacks, but nothing could break through Tyki’s uncanny ability to become incorporeal.

The first blow that hit him wasn’t overly painful. It was just a blow to the solar plexus. Though he was winded and could barely move, the Lotus Spell would take care of it in only a moment. Apparently a moment was just too slow. The next blow felt different, as if it hadn’t been hit. It was an eerie sensation, like something sliding into his stomach. A bursting pain followed, and Yuu knew right away that something had torn at his inner organs. Involuntarily, he coughed and was sickened to find the taste of blood in his mouth. Another similar blow hit him, and he doubled in on himself, falling to his knees.

“ _Chikushoo,_ ”* he groaned. Tyki laughed.

“Tease,” he said. Yuu swore again.

Pulling himself onto his feet, the Japanese man prepared once again to attack the Noah. But his reaction was, once again, too slow. Tyki dodged his straightforward attack, and as he moved to Yuu’s left, slammed an elbow into his back. There was a sickening crack, followed by the nauseating pain of a broken bone, and then his legs went limp. He fell backward, and the pain that followed made him see stars. He groaned, unable to keep his voice locked in his chest anymore.

“Have fun,” Tyki said, and Yuu had the distinct impression he was talking to the Tease. He wasn’t wrong, as the demented butterflies immediately descended on his body. He had no choice but to scream as they ate through skin, through muscle, through bone. He was drowning in pain; he could barely breathe. This was death, wasn’t it? That would be a relief. His voice caught for a second, and Yuu was afraid he’d lost it. It was the only thing keeping him sane. But then it was back. He screamed louder, using the sound as a lifeline. If he could just pay attention to that, then maybe, maybe he could pull through. He wasn’t lucky enough to keep screaming, though. He should have known. A hand closed over his throat and squeezed until all sound ceased. Vaguely, he realized that there was nothing underneath him; his legs—which he could feel now, meaning his back had healed—dangled with nothing underneath him. His mind just barely recognized the sinister voice.

“I don’t like my prey screaming.”

Was he flying? Yuu wasn’t sure, but the wind seemed to be rushing in his ears. Was this what dying was? It wasn’t so bad, then. He felt almost… peaceful… until he hit the hard, stone wall. His skull struck it with a resounding thud! Something stung, like blood flowing from a wound. That had to be it. His skull was bleeding. Perhaps he would bleed to death before the Lotus Spell could heal the injury. He crumpled to the ground, and something snaked around his ankle, tightening painfully. The gray sky above moved as he was dragged far enough from the wall to be lying on his back, fully stretched out.

“Besides, my Tease prefer to dine in peace.” There was that sinister voice again, the one Yuu could barely register but felt was vitally important to hear.

But the Tease were gone, weren’t they? Yuu lifted his head—ignore the pain, ignore the pain—and saw his body free of the damn things. This incited a laugh from that voice looming above him. “Go,” it said.

A Tease fluttered down and landed on his chest. It stalked forward slowly, ominously. Where was it going? It wasn’t staying on his chest, so where…? It reached his neck, and Yuu could barely keep it in his vision anymore. His eyes already hurt from the impossible angle he was forcing them into.

“ _Achike_ ,” he managed to groan out. Fuck off. He said it to the solitary Tease that was now crawling its way to the side of his neck. It stopped. Why was it stopping? It bit, and Yuu screamed. But it continued to bite, and Yuu screamed more. He heard the voice. Shut up. My Tease dine in silence, it said. But for the life of him, Yuu couldn’t seem to comprehend what those words meant. The flesh was gone, and so was the muscle, and damn it, that was his spinal cord! But it kept biting, and Yuu, unable to help himself, screamed louder. And then he felt nothing. Again. Only this time, the blessed feeling of nothing spread everywhere except his head. He liked it. Maybe now he was dead. But why was his head hurting so much, then? Perhaps… But clarity returned the longer he felt nothing. His body could process thoughts, and his muddled mind began to make more sense.

There was Tyki, looming above him with a Tease in hand—probably the one that had eaten his spinal cord—and was whispering something to it. Noticing Yuu’s gaze a moment later, Tyki smiled. It was that horrible, twisted mockery of a smile that stretched, literally, from ear to ear.

“Eat it all,” he said aloud, and Yuu watched, horrified, as Tyki slid his hand into Yuu’s stomach. Yuu imagined that he should have felt something, but there was nothing. The Tease would dine, as Tyki had said, in peace. The Noah pulled his hand out, and suddenly, there was a white shape grabbing the ashen-skinned man’s forearm.

“Take it out,” the white shape said firmly. But it was Allen’s voice. Not the _Moyashi_. This voice was serious. And it was very, very angry.

Yuu blinked, and everything came in to focus. Allen was there, and his eyes raged as he jerked up as hard as he could with his right hand. Yuu watched, transfixed, as the bone snapped and was wrenched up until it was vertical. If he could have felt it, Yuu thought his stomach would have been roiling. If he still had a stomach. He watched Tyki go down, and if the dark-haired man was stupid, he would have thought the man had tears forming in his eyes. Above him, Allen let out a low whistle. In response, something burst from the Yuus stomach and flew over to Allen’s outstretched finger. Was that the Tease? Why was it flying to Allen? And why were the boy’s eyes gold? No, just one eye. The other was black. No, the white of the eye was black, and the iris was a dark, dark red. Was it just Yuu, or was the curse that marred Allen’s young face more ornate than usual? And why was his skin getting so much darker, dark enough to match Tyki’s?

The Tease alighted on Allen’s finger, and Allen turned his hand quickly in order to grasp it in the palm of his hand. Then, standing up, he flung his arm back, and the Tease hit the stone wall with a crunch.

“You do not touch my friends, Brother,” he said, and his voice was deep, deeper than Yuu had ever heard it. Or had it always been that way? Yuu couldn’t tell, his mind was still too confused.

“Oh?” Tyki grinned. Allen’s face darkened, and then he was out of Yuu’s sight, flying at Tyki with a rage Yuu had never seen before.

“INNOCENCE!” The Exorcist shouted. “ACTIVATE!”

Yuu cast his gaze around and was able to find Allen almost immediately. His white hair stood out starkly against his ashen skin. The Crowned Clown settled onto Allen’s shoulders, and as he drew the sword from his arm, Yuu noticed a discrepancy he had never seen before. The sword that was the inverse of the Earl’s now seemed to have cracked, with long, jagged fissures running along the blade.

Yuu shivered. What was this feeling? He had never felt it before. Not that he could remember.

Allen tore into Tyki with a ferocity that startled Yuu, ripping bits of flesh here and there as the sword made contact with the elusive Noah.

Tyki stood utterly still, and as the sword struck him a seventh time, he managed to whisper, “The Fourteenth?” There was no smile on his dark face, no insanity in his eyes. There was only shock, only sorrow. And then he moved, and he attempted to fight back. Allen was too quick for him, though, just as Tyki had been too quick for Yuu. The curly-haired Noah landed on his back and sitting up, he stared at the bloody foot only inches from his legs. Only it wasn’t attached. His leg had become a mangled, bloody stump, and Allen didn’t seem to let up as he hacked at the Noah with distinct precision. With one final swing, the white-haired boy shoved his tainted sword through Tyki’s heart. The Noah gurgled, and blood spilled down the sides of his mouth. His gold eyes went vacant, and his body stopped moving. Allen put a boot to Tyki’s chest and pushed the carcass—it was too mangled to be called a body—to the ground. Dropping his sword, it reformed into his arm, a blood-drenched limb that made Yuu’s stomach clench. He was getting feeling back, a sign that this was no dream. The Lotus Spell was definitely at work.

“I’m sorry, Brother,” Allen whispered, his voice still deep with Noah’s power. Gently, he reached over the cadaver and closed those horrid, vacant eyes. Unlike the other Noahs, Allen’s eyes held no tears at the death of his brother, but it didn’t matter. Tyki Mikk was dead.

Allen stood and turned to Yuu. The Jaoanese man's heart clenched, then began beating erratically. His eyes widened, and then Yuu understood the feeling. It was the first time in Yuu’s long memory that he had been truly, undeniably afraid.

Allen walked, almost staggered, toward Yuu, and his heart only beat faster and faster. The Dark Exorcist slumped to his knees next to hiss face. Yuu couldn’t suppress a flinch as the Noah who had been Allen reached his blood-speckled right hand to his face. The Noah’s face changed, and the skin tone lightened a bit. Was it Yuu’s imagination, or did his eyes pale slightly? The dark hand pressed lightly on his forehead.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, Kanda, but he needed to die.”

Yuu gulped. Was he the one who needed to die next?

“Please, please don’t tell them,” Allen said. His voice was soft, so different from the harsh, deep voice that had come forth from his throat only moments before. And then he slumped over, and his skin lightened to the pale tone it usually was. Yuu reached over and peeled back Allen’s right eye. It was gray. Realizing that the Lotus Spell had done its job, Yuu tentatively touched the boy in front of him. He was too terrified to kill the Noah masquerading as Allen. He would own up to that emotion. But it was still Allen, and as much as he tried not to, Yuu cared for him, he was the Destroyer of Time, after all. Shaking, he stood up, taking the boy in his arms. Yes, this was _Moyashi_. But this was also something so terrifying that Yuu could barely suppress the urge to vomit.

He carried the boy all the way back to the train station, where he purchased tickets back to France. In France, he bought two tickets across the Channel. Then, he took the still unconscious Allen on a train that took them to London. And from there, he carried the boy to Headquarters. Seeing Lavi and Bookman, Yuu realized exactly who Allen didn’t want him to tell, and he heeded the boy’s wishes. He would not risk being on the other end of that twisted, tainted sword. Not ever.

\---

_June 7, 2013, 3:36 AM—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Rough hands shook him into consciousness. He was aware of someone screaming. It didn’t make sense; no one should be screaming in his room. His throat was sore, and suddenly he realized that it was his own scream. Noise became louder, and the hands shook him harder. Someone was calling his name.

“Yuu!!! Yuu, my God, Yuu, wake up, please!” Lavi shouted. Why was Lavi here? Why wasn’t he stopping the person shaking him? It was annoying.

“ _Yamero!_ ” Yuu shouted, finally regaining the use of his limbs and pushing hard against the offender.

“Yaah!” Lavi screamed, and Yuu heard someone crash loudly on the ground. “Jesus Christ, Yuu, don’t do that! Especially to the person nice enough to wake you up.”

Yuu opened his eyes and squinted into the darkness. He saw Lavi’s red hair, tousled from sleep, next to his bed.

“You were doing the shaking?” Yuu hissed, trying to sit up and finding himself quite tangled in his bed sheets.

“Well, yeah, you were screaming like you were getting murdered. I could hear it through the walls enough to wake up. And I’m a heavy sleeper. And those are thick walls.”

Yuu felt… touched. Immediately angry at himself, he stuck the emotion back wherever it came from and turned a scowl on Lavi.

“That must’ve been a bad’un, though,” Lavi commented. “Care to share, Yuu-chan?”

Remembering his promise to Allen, Yuu clammed up. No, he would never share that with anyone. Not ever.

“No, it was nothing.”

“It’s not fucking nothing, Yuu,” Lavi stated loudly. “You were screaming enough to wake up the entire Order, and you looked so effin’ scared earlier that I nearly wet my pants.”

Yuu glared at the redhead. He was, indeed, wearing pants. But, Yuu noticed, his chest was quite bare.

“Put a shirt on before you catch a cold,” he muttered through gritted teeth, not looking Lavi in the eye.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong,” Lavi demanded.

“I. Can’t,” Yuu said, inadvertently placing some of the leftover terror from his dream into those two tiny words. Lavi’s eyes went wide, as if he hadn’t been expecting Yuu to say something in that way, and surprisingly, he backed down immediately.

“Can I use one of yours?” He asked, searching through Yuu’s chest of drawers until he found the one containing Yuu’s new, tight-fitting numbers Amanda had called shirts.

“No. Go back to your room and get your own,” Yuu said, his voice returning to its normal cold, hard tone.

“I’m not leaving you,” Lavi said absently, pulling on one of the looser garments. Amanda had said it was a sweatshirt.

Yuu remained silent. He didn’t know how to react to that, but for some reason he couldn’t lash out like he usually did. Lavi had gotten out of bed and come to Yuu’s side to wake him up. It was almost like he… cared. Yuu suppressed a shudder. Caring was something a Bookman didn’t do.

Lavi closed the drawers and promptly sat next to the head of Yuu’s bed. He stayed there, silent, but for some reason his presence wasn’t as annoying as it usually was.

After a few minutes, Lavi shivered a little. “ _Baka Usagi_ ,” Yuu said gruffly. “Sit on the end of the bed. You’ll freeze to death on the floor.”

“Awww, Yuu, you care,” Lavi said lightly as he climbed onto the bed. It wasn’t his usual teasing tone, as if there was actual sentiment behind it. Yuu shook his head, though. Caring was not something Yuu did, either.

“ _Baka Usagi_ ,” he muttered. He set to the task of untangling his bedding, and after a frustratingly long time, he finished. His head hit the pillow again, and he and Lavi spent some time in silence before they both fell back into a light sleep. As he teetered on the edge of consciousness, Yuu thought it was a wonder that he could get back to sleep at all after that dream. He never had before. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t alone. But that last thought vanished as he was pulled back into the relaxing depths of unconsciousness. He dreamt of rabbits carrying carrots and bonking him on the head with them. What a stupid dream.

\---

_June 7, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

The bed was warm and comfortable, something for which Allen was grateful. Sitting up, he dragged his feet out of bed, placing them in the soft slippers he’d purchased the day before. Grabbing a towel, the Exorcist walked leisurely to the closest bathroom, intending to take a nice, relaxing bath.

Allen blinked. The bathroom looked nothing like it had, but he supposed that made sense. It had been 114 years, after all. It took him a short amount of time to figure out how to use the facilities. Ignoring the Fourteenth’s voice mumbling in the back of his head, he took as short a shower as he could. As he stepped out, he caught his reflection in the mirror. Allen realized he needed a shave. He would need to find himself a razor later. His stomach growled, and Allen walked back to his room to get dressed. He’d ask Amanda in the Order’s cafeteria, if she was awake. He dressed quickly—his stomach feeling like it had been empty for days—slightly annoyed by the strange, new clothes Amanda had purchased for him. They hadn’t been as bad as the tight ones she’d given Kanda, but they were still… different. The way they fit was grossly different from the loose, white shirts he’d worn before. Putting it out of his mind, he left his room, heading for breakfast.

He sat down, a mound of delicious-smelling food in front of him. A whole tray of crescents sat next to an overflowing plate of scrambled eggs. Sausages and bacon littered other plates, along with an assortment of toasts and bagels. Smiling happily, he dug in, glad to get some food in his far-too-empty stomach.

Across from him, a bench scraped, but he was too engrossed in his food and ignoring the Fourteenth’s dark comments to truly care.

“Never thought I’d see another parasite here besides myself,” a voice said from across the table. Allen looked up.

A man in his thirties with clear, blue eyes and short, blond hair smiled broadly at him, showing perfectly straight teeth. He had a huge pile of food larger than Allen’s own in front of him, and he began to butter a piece of toast. He ate it slowly, as if savoring each bite.

“I used to know many,” Allen said. “But they’re all dead now.”

“I’m sorry,” the man said, his voice sincere. Allen nodded gravely and turned back to his food. _Exorciiiist_ , the Fourteenth sang in Allen’s mind. He began chewing as loudly as he could to drown out the annoying presence in his mind. Lavi had been right: he couldn’t control it as well as he had been able to before.

“Um, not to be rude, but could you please chew with your mouth closed?” The blond asked as he picked up another piece of toast, this one with jam spread evenly over its surface.

“Sorry,” Allen said sheepishly. He reluctantly closed his mouth. The Fourteenth sang louder, almost in triumph. Allen stabbed a sausage violently with a fork, bringing a knife up. He scraped it across the plate, creating a high-pitched squeak that made his stomach clench up a bit. The Fourteenth stopped abruptly. Allen did it again, but the Fourteenth made no further noise. The man in front of him growled and then stood up, scraping the bench backward as he did so. Grabbing his immense tray, he looked angrily at Allen.

“I don’t dine with mannerless brats,” he said coldly, walking away. Allen felt guilty, and he would have to apologize later, when he’d thought of an excuse. He couldn’t very well tell him, _yeah, sorry about that, but the Fourteenth Noah was being really loud in my head, and noise silences him._ That wouldn’t be the best way to get the other Exorcist to forgive him.

A crash echoed through the room, and Allen looked up, curious, even as he stuffed a forkful of eggs into his mouth. The blond man had run into Miranda, and it looked like the two had spilled their trays of food all over the other. Lenalee, Allen was glad to note, was to Miranda’s right.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Miranda shouted as the blond did the same. They both stopped and stared into each other’s eyes. Allen saw Miranda blush before turning tail and running from the room. The blond stood almost uselessly for a moment before reaching down and cleaning up the mess he had made. Looking at Lenalee, he realized she had just noticed him. Raising a hand to wave, she yelled, “Allen!” and walked quickly to sit in the seat the blond had just vacated. The room hushed immediately, and everyone turned to stare at the white-haired Exorcist.

“Ignore them,” Lenalee said quietly, taking a dainty bite of her eggs. Allen nodded and turned back to his meal, eating as quickly as his body would allow. Conversation eventually started up again, quiet at first. Soon, however, it was back up to the characteristic dull roar Allen had come to associate with the Order’s cafeteria. Allen finished his meal in peace, and as he walked out of the room with Lenalee, he realized the Noah had made no noise for the rest of the meal. Whatever he had done, it had worked. For the first time in a long time, Allen felt triumphant.

\---

Yuu floated easily back into consciousness, but for some reason, he was very uncomfortable and very cold. Groaning softly, he opened his eyes. He flinched, his eyes widening in automatic reaction to the nearness of the floor. Putting his palm to the ground, Yuu pushed himself until he was upright on the bed. Sometime during the night, he had turned sideways, losing his covers, and had half-fallen off the bed. Turning his head, intending to stretch the sore muscles, he discovered the reason for his very strange sleeping position. Yuu wasn’t sure how it was possible, but the redhead in front of him managed to be curled up and sprawled out simultaneously. Standing up on the firm mattress, he gave Lavi a rough kick.

“Wha’ was tha’ for, Bookman?” The stupid rabbit mumbled, quite obviously still asleep. Sitting back down, Yuu pulled the covers over his lap. Looking back at the Exorcist at the end of his bed, a wave of irritation hit him as he realized the idiot was _still sleeping_.

“ _Baka Usagi,_ ” he said loudly, nudging the other Exorcist in the back with one of his feet.

Lavi groaned sleepily, but to Yuu’s relief, he lifted his head, blinking his eye blearily at the Japanese Exorcist.

“Yuu?” Lavi mumbled, staring incomprehensibly at him. “Why am I… oh, right.” He blinked again, and after a moment, he looked fully awake. He sat up, and there was an awkward silence as they both remembered what had happened the previous night.

“Sorry for taking over your bed, Yuu. I slept well, though,” he said as he stretched. He turned, making to get off the bed, and suddenly, Yuu’s hand moved on its own, coming to grasp Lavi’s. The other man tensed for a minute, and Yuu realized what he was doing.

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking away. He was embarrassed to note that a blush was spreading on his cheeks, and he hoped the other man didn’t see it, too. “I don’t know why I did that.” He let go of Lavi’s wrist and let his arm drop.

There was movement as Lavi crawled, but for some reason, the mattress depressed close to Yuu’s leg. He was confused. Why was Lavi still there? Soft, gentle arms went around his neck as Lavi leaned into him. His hands moved on their own to encircle Lavi’s waist, and the two stayed in that light embrace for a long time. Finally, Lavi made a move to leave, and once again, Yuu’s body was out of control, his hands tightening on Lavi’s sides. He looked into Lavi’s eye, and for some reason, the softest expression Yuu had ever seen touched the other man’s face. He leaned forward, his face coming far too close for Yuu’s comfort. Yuu closed his eyes, wondering why he did so, and then felt soft, caring lips press lightly to his own. They were gone after a moment. In a daze, Yuu’s mind barely registered that Lavi was gently pulling Yuu’s hands from his sides. He hardly noticed as the other Exorcist walked away, still clad in his sweatshirt. Lavi waved pleasantly, still with that inexplicably soft expression on his face, and left the room. The sound of the door shutting brought Yuu’s attention back to the real world. Holding a hand thoughtfully to his lips, he thought, _Baka Usagi_.

\---

It was a complete coincidence that all five Exorcists from the past met up as they reached the door to the Order’s cafeteria for dinner. Allen had spent the day peacefully passing time with Lenalee and later, Miranda. He had no idea what Lavi and Kanda had done, but they seemed to be awkward around each other as they met up, their cheeks rosy with a light blush. Allen assumed they had had a large fight, as they normally did, and were now feeling a bit guilty about the whole thing. Unfortunately, they both had extremely large pride, and Allen figured they were both waiting for the other to apologize. Normally it took an outside force. Not wanting his dinner to be marred by some tiny tiff between the two, Allen decided to take matters into his own hands.

“Lavi, Kanda, whatever you fought about can’t be that bad, so please just apologize to each other so we can all eat in peace,” he said imploringly. Lavi and Kanda exchanged a look and then gazed at Allen, seemingly confused.

It was Lavi who moved first, his face changing from confusion to understanding. Turning to Kanda, he sighed. “Alright, I guess I’ll say it. I’m sorry, Yuu,” he said in a defeated tone. Kanda looked taken aback, but after a soft “che,” he nodded in acceptance.

Satisfied, Allen pushed open the cafeteria doors and walked in, coming face-to-face with the blond from earlier. He grunted and pushed past Allen. Then, he stopped in front of Miranda, and, grabbing her fingers delicately in his hand, said “ _Es tut mir Leid, Fräulein!_ ” Miranda blushed as the man kissed her hand gently.

“Eh… eh… _es tut mir Leid!_ “ She responded. The man held her gaze, his shocking blue eyes meeting Miranda’s dark brown. She blushed harder, and when the man finally let go of her hand, she rushed past him and into the cafeteria.

The blond man leaned against the hard, stone wall and held a hand over his heart. “ _Ich bin verliebt,_ ” he said, his voice breathy. Next to him, Lavi chuckled.

“ARYAN FRIEND!” Came a shout from the end of the hall. Allen froze in his tracks and saw the blond man stiffen similarly against the wall. Amanda had arrived. “Aryan friend!” She shouted again, running up until she stood before the blond man.

“How many times do I have to tell you, my parents were fucking Jewish!” He said, looming angrily above the brunette.

“Yes, but… you’re Aryan!” She exclaimed, giving him a hug. The man squirmed and tried to push her away.

“I’m Polish,” he said coldly, his tone contrasting starkly with the breathy one he’d just been using.

“Well, the Poles were in the Third Reich, too, you know,” Amanda said matter-of-factly. “Come on, Lolek, let’s eat together.” She grabbed the man’s hand with her own and literally dragged him past Allen.

Shrugging, he grabbed Lenalee’s arm and pulled her into the line queuing for food. The five Exorcists, Amanda, and Lolek spent a pleasant dinner together. Allen noticed the man glaring at him every once in a while, but he tried to ignore it. As they left in a big group, Amanda turned to them.

“Oh, by the way, Director Smith says he wants to check some things out, and he wants you guys in the Science Department. It’s not urgent, but he said you should head there after dinner. I’m coming with, though. I wanna know what’s up.”

Allen nodded, and the Exorcists moved to the hallway that led to the Science Department. They walked in silence. Along the way, they ran into Darcy, and Amanda asked him to come with them. Allen liked Darcy; he was nice and easy to get along with. In the back of his mind, the Fourteenth nodded his agreement. Anyone with a violin was at least halfway decent… He shook his head, and the Fourteenth disappeared back to wherever he had been for the entire day. Perhaps Lavi was wrong and he was better at fighting the Fourteenth than he had given himself credit for.

\---

The entire day had been awkward. Yuu had tried to forget the unsettling morning but found himself unable to concentrate on his sword drills no matter how long or hard he practiced them. Instead, memories of the feel of Lavi’s lips pressing softly against his bombarded his mind, and after a while, he had to give up. Wielding a sword while distracted was a dangerous thing for both the wielder and anyone nearby. He spent the rest of his day alternately reading and brooding. Two hours before dinner, he tried to meditate, but for some reason, he couldn’t drown out the emotions pounding around the inside of his head. That was stupid. Emotions didn’t matter to him—he didn’t need them.

It had ended up taking the entire two hours just to calm the feelings and hide them away from his heart again. What bothered him even more was that as he walked down to dinner, he met the stupid rabbit he had been avoiding all day. And _Moyashi_ , damn him, was meddling into his affairs. Yuu took a calming breath. Getting all worked up about it wasn’t going to help the situation, so he ignored the feeling, pushing it back into the depths of his soul. Fixing his usual scowl on his face, he walked on.

Stepping into the Science Department, Yuu itched to have something concrete to calm himself with. Activating his Innocence, he grabbed the hilt, and immediately, he felt better, more at ease. The science department looked much different than it had before, he thought, looking around. Instead of stacks of paper everywhere, strange objects gave off light. The scientists themselves sat in front of them, and a clacking sound echoed through the room as a steady background noise. Everything else was the same, including the architecture of the place and the familiar form of the Ark. Yuu shuddered, trying not to remember what Allen had become, but his dream the night before refused to let him go, and an image of the tainted sword flashed through his vision.

A scream rent through the air, and Yuu looked over to its source immediately. Allen—and it was definitely Allen right now, not _Moyashi_ —grabbed his head, his left palm pressing tightly against his cursed eye. It was like he was trying to hold his head together, like something was trying to rip its way through his skull. Yuu’s eyes widened. Allen’s skin grew darker and darker, until it had reached the ashen hue that would forever scar Yuu’s mind. Lavi, who was next to him, turned and looked behind him. Yuu followed his gaze and saw Amanda. Lavi rushed over to her, and grabbing her shoulders, shouted desperately, “Give me your Exorcist jacket!”

“Huh?” She said, too shocked to take in what the redhead was saying.

“Your Exor—” Lavi cut himself off with a frustrated sigh and moved behind her, pulling the jacket off. Running over to Allen’s screaming, huddled form, he threw it over the white-haired Noah, hiding him from sight.

“Lenalee, we need to get him to his room,” he said, his voice urgent. He looked at Yuu, his eye dark and deadly serious. “Yuu, help me carry him. He’s moving too much for me to do it myself.”

Restraining the younger boy, Yuu and Lavi carried him as fast as possible to his quarters, where they dumped him on the bed. Once the boy was safely thrashing there, Yuu allowed himself to lean against the wall, his gaze turned toward the ceiling. He tried not to shake, but he could feel his body betraying him. He didn’t notice Lavi looking at him worriedly.

The door opened and five Exorcists walked in. Miranda turned and closed the door behind them, and Amanda stood there, holding onto Darcy’s arm tightly. Yuu heard Lenalee’s quick footsteps as she walked over to Allen, and he looked over at her. He needed to warn her. It was absolutely vital that he tell her what Allen was capable of. She shouldn’t be that near him. He opened his mouth, but before he could utter a sound, she grabbed the boy’s hand. He shuddered but seemed to relax. Yuu closed his mouth.

“It’s going to be okay, Allen,” Lenalee said, taking the hand that wasn’t in Allen’s and rubbing his hair back from his forehead. Allen stilled, and his skin began to lighten again. Lenalee kept her hand in his hair, petting his forehead and muttering assurances softly. Yuu noticed that tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but as usual, he felt no reason to mention it. She could be weak and feel emotion if she wanted, and Yuu had no right to interfere.

Behind him, he heard Lavi explain what had happened 117 years before, when they’d come back from a huge battle that included the Earl himself. A level four Akuma had followed them from the battle, and halfway back to Headquarters, it had caught up to them. Despite himself, Yuu was drawn into the memory.

_“I can’t wait for Jerry’s cooking. It’s so much better than the stuff we had at that Inn this morning,” Allen said pleasantly, acting more chipper than a General had the right to. Then, before Yuu knew what had happened, he fell to his knees, screaming, his hand covering his eye. Yuu had seen this before. It usually happened when the curse announced a high level Akuma. Yuu put his hand to the hilt of Mugen and drew it, activating it as he did so. In the corner of his eye, he could see Lavi doing the same. Bookman’s face was set, and Yuu knew he, too, was ready for a fight._

_The ground exploded in front of them sending large chunks of rock flying past Yuu’s face. The level four had landed only a few meters away. Laughing slightly to itself, it lunged toward the awaiting group. Everything happened in an instant—jumping backward quickly to escape the creature’s attack, Yuu swore when he saw that Allen still lay on the ground clutching his face._

_“Allen!” Yuu flinched as he heard Lenalee’s hysterical shriek. The sound seemed to bring the boy back to reality, but he seemed unable to move._

Damn that Moyashi! _Yuu swore and flung himself at the other Exorcist. His reaction was seconds too late as the Akuma crashed into Allen’s body. Yuu was thrown back by the shock wave. The dust took an agonizingly long time to clear. When it finally did, there was a collective gasp from the other Exorcists. There was no blood, no crater, where Allen’s body had been. Instead, Allen stood proudly, his left arm outstretched in front of him. His claws stuck deeply into the face of the Level Four. Allen spoke then, but it wasn’t the voice of_ Moyashi. _Instead, his voice carried a dark, lyrical timbre._

_“You_ dare _attack me?”_

_To Yuu’s and the other Exorcists’ shock, the Akuma pulled itself back, ignoring the large, jagged holes in its head from where Allen’s Innocence had held it fast. It fell to its gigantic knees and bowed at Allen’s feet, begging—no_ groveling _—for his forgiveness._

_“I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize it was you, Noah-sama!” It wailed. “Please, don’t kill me! I promise I’ll never do it again!”_

_“No, I’m not going to kill you,” Allen said, still in that strangely melodious voice. The Akuma looked up in relief, and Yuu could hardly believe that tears were pouring from its pitiful eyes._

_“Thank you, thank you, Noah-sa—”_

_“You are,” Allen said coldly, his now-deep voice echoing into the night._

_The Akuma froze, horrified._

_“But—but Noah-sama!” It pleaded._

_“Do it. Now.” Allen’s voice was firm and as cold as solid mercury._

_The Akuma nodded tearfully, and with a final sob, self-destructed. Yuu felt sickened. That damned_ Moyashi _was the biggest idiot when it came to Akuma. Yuu knew that the_ Moyashi _would do anything to save the souls of the Akuma, and that self-destructing condemned the soul to an eternity of suffering, never to reach its peace. The fact that Allen had ordered this made Yuu realize that something was very,_ very _wrong._

_As the Akuma blew to pieces, eliciting a gasp from Lenalee, Allen sank to his knees, screaming._

_“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” He exclaimed, his voice seeming as if it was ripped from his throat. As it reached the end of the wail, it began to lighten, becoming something akin to_ Moyashi’s _real voice. He curled in on himself on the cold, hard ground and began shaking uncontrollably. “Why did you do that?” He questioned himself, sobbing. “You’ve been fine just talking and singing in the back of my head, and I’m content that you will act to defend me—seeing as we share a body—but why? You know how horrible it is, so why did you do that to the poor Akuma?”_

_Yuu was confused. What in the hell was he talking about? He stared on in wonder as Lenalee pushed past him and ran toward the boy she loved (oblivious as she was to it). She fell to his side and pulled the boy in front of her into her lap as best she could. She brushed the fringe from his forehead lovingly (though she didn’t realize it) and made to run her fingers through his hair. She paused, and her hand drew back. Then, taking a deep breath, she put her hand determinedly on his forehead and began stroking his hair. Yuu wondered what had made her pause, and he walked toward her, noting that someone behind him was doing the same._

_As he came within earshot, he heard Lenalee muttering soothing assurances to the idiot boy, who was still crying pitifully on the ground. Looking down from behind Lenalee, he was able to catch sight of the fading stigmata that marred his forehead. Yuu blanched._ Allen’s a Noah _, he realized. He didn’t think, just swiftly pulled Mugen from its sheath. “_ Hatsudou, _” he hissed, his voice low with inexplicable fury. Allen was a Noah, an enemy, and must be killed. Even if, in the deep, dark depths of his soul, he had come to respect the boy, just a little bit. He would have to live with this decision, but it didn’t matter. He lifted his blade and made to swing down through the_ Moyashi’s _chest._

_“Extend!”_

_Mugen met Oodzuchi with a loud clang, one that startled Lenalee, making her look up. Her pupils dilated in horror._

_“Don’t kill him, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said seriously. “I think he’s in control now.”_

_Yuu stared at him in disbelief._

_“Why the fuck not?” He asked, not caring that his accent became thicker in his haste to speak._

_“The Order knows, which means we know. It’s being controlled. This is… an exception. But he’s still Allen. The Fourteenth Noah does not have the same hold on him that other Noahs do with their hosts. I think, from what Allen said after the Akuma self-destructed, that the Noah did that to protect him. And besides, look at his Innocence. It hasn’t rejected him.”_

_Yuu reluctantly lowered his blade._

Yuu was brought abruptly back to reality as Amanda shouted something too fast and high for him to comprehend. He looked over to her and saw her shaking as she restrained Lolek, both hands placed firmly on his chest.

“And why the fuck shouldn’t I? He’s an enemy! He needs to die!” Lolek roared back, his Innocence blazing on his forearms.

“Don’t you _dare_ do it, Lolek. And if you even _think_ of cutting me with your damned Innocence, I’ll—” Amanda was thrown to the ground as Lolek finally managed to overpower her.

“Lavi!” Yuu shouted, surprising himself. The other man grunted, and within a moment, he had tackled Lolek to the ground. Standing menacingly over the struggling man and trying to ignore the sudden irritation he irrationally felt—that he told himself was directed at the other man’s stupidity—he began to speak in a low tone, putting every ounce of hate, anger, and disdain into it.

“The Order, it knows, _aho_. Or at least, it did in our time. It’s being controlled. As dumb as _Moyashi_ is, he _can_ control it, or I would’ve run him through with Mugen already. Or hadn’t you noticed? None of us would stand up for a Noah—myself especially. The Fourteenth does not control him as the other Noahs control their hosts. And besides, look at his fucking Innocence, _baka!_ It’s still there, isn’t it? It hasn’t rejected him.”

A moment too late, Yuu realized he’d basically just quoted what Lavi had told him years before. It seemed to work, though, as the Polish man growled and then stopped fighting against Lavi.

Allen groaned, putting a hand to his left eye. Lenalee sighed in relief and allowed herself a small smile as the younger Exorcist began to awake.

\---

Everything was blurry, and her eyes didn’t seem to work like they had before. The strange scream still echoed in her mind. Perhaps it was that that had finally brought her close enough to break free of the darkness that held her. For the first time, she felt, really _felt,_ the presence of the others. She groaned, but her voice came out scratchy, as if she had not used it in a long time. Her body felt weak, and she could barely breathe and keep her eyes open without feeling the fatigue.

_Allen…. Walker?_

She sighed, fighting and failing to say the name of the boy that so often appeared in her dreams. Beside her, something scraped, although its sound seemed dull, as if she had stuffed her ears full of cotton.

“Faith?” A voice said. She immediately relaxed to it, recognizing it as her oldest and favorite sister. She tried to smile, but her muscles wouldn’t allow her mouth to move. She tried to say “yes,” but her throat wouldn’t make a sound. “Are you… awake?” The voice sounded astonished and yet somehow relieved and unbelievably happy. That was what she felt, too. Perhaps the bonds had begun to grow again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There's chapter two! From here on out, things get worse. A lot worse. Also, please note that we have ABSOLUTELY NO sympathies with the Nazi Party. Amanda is just a bitch... And we feel very, very bad for what we did to Kanda, but it was necessary to the plot. And trust us, things get worse for everyone. It's a big angst-fest! :D


	4. Back in Black (and White)

Lenalee shooed everyone from Allen’s room as soon as he began to stir, insisting that he needed quiet, but if she was honest with herself, she just wanted him alone so she could ask him how he was. He would give her an honest answer, but in front of anyone else, he would probably underemphasize the pain he had gone through. As the door closed behind her family, old and new, Lenalee turned and walked as quietly as she could back to Allen’s side. As she reached her destination, the boy sat up, groaning and opening his eyes. Unconsciously, it seemed, he brought his left hand to his eye, as if it was still in pain. Gently, she reached out and placed her hand over his. Gripping it lightly, she pulled it away from his face.

“ _Bundun_ ,”* she said softly, and she used her left hand to slap his cheek. The slap didn’t carry any force, and it ended up being more of a pat.

Allen looked at her, as if not quite sure why she was there. He opened his mouth to say something—probably to complain that he was hungry—but before he could, Lenalee threw herself around his shoulders, holding him tightly.

“You have no idea how worried I was.”

“I’m sorry.” He sounded remorseful enough for Lenalee to forgive him, and he slowly brought his arms around Lenalee’s back, holding her tightly. All the tension in his body seemed to relax away, and they spent an indefinite period just holding each other. It was not uncommon for them to embrace each other like this; many times after the Ark incident, things had been so bad that the only thing they could do was turn to each other for comfort. At some point over those three years, this had become a habit, a way to comfort and be comforted.

As they held each other, content to let themselves simply revel in the contact, Lenalee thought about what had happened to them. Allen had defeated the Earl, supposedly, but if there were still Exorcists 114 years after that, then that meant the Akuma were still around. Lenalee knew that Exorcists did their jobs with explicit precision, and she was sure that they would have scoured every centimeter of land and water until every Akuma had been exterminated. Surely, they couldn’t still be doing that. The Exorcists she knew—no, _had known_ —were more than talented enough to take down a bunch of Akuma. Which implied that either the Earl was still alive or that the Noah Clan—or rather, Road, as she was the only one left—was still causing trouble. Lenalee fervently hoped it was not the Earl. Noahs they could handle; the Earl was much harder. The fact that Allen had the power and drive to defeat him was astonishing in itself. She wanted to ask Allen his opinion, but she couldn’t bring herself to destroy the peace their embrace created.

She barely noticed as they lay down on the bed, nor did she realize that she was being pulled into the sweet depths of unconsciousness, still held safely in Allen’s arms.

They awoke late the next morning. By the positioning of the sun, Lenalee guessed that it was nearly midday. Still, she had to admit that that had been the best sleep she had had in a while, not counting her long stasis encased in her Innocence. Pulling herself from Allen’s slack arms, she got out of the bed. Her new clothes were rumpled with sleep, and sometime during the night, her pigtails had been disturbed. She was glad to find her shoes next to the bed, though, and after a moment, she pulled them on. She decided to freshen herself up and then come back to wake Allen. However, it was probably safer for him if he went with her. Sighing, she gave up on the idea of letting her friend sleep longer.

“Allen, wake up,” she said, nudging his shoulder until he groaned sleepily and opened his eyes, just as he did every time he awoke.

“Lenalee?” He asked, his voice still thick with sleep. For some reason, his voice sounded strained, as if he was in mild discomfort. He sat up slowly and winced a bit before bringing a hand to his head, discreetly covering his left eye.

“Morning,” she said, trying to sound bright and failing. She went over to him and ran a hand through his tousled hair. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, I did,” he replied, hauling himself the rest of the way upright.

“How’s your eye this morning?”

“It’s… been better,” he admitted, grimacing. “But it has been worse, too.”

“Just tell me if you’re not up to going out of the room, and I’ll bring you some coffee and something to eat,” she offered. She knew he didn’t want pity, so she did not apologize or dwell on the subject, instead thinking of a way to help him.

“No, it’s not quite that bad,” he said, and Lenalee knew he wasn’t lying. He would never lie to her.

“Are you sure?” She asked, more out of habit than out of distrust.

“Positive,” he answered, giving her a small hug from his seated position on the bed. Lenalee wrapped her arms around his head and pulled it to her chest. Slowly, she weaved her hands through his hair. A loud knock echoed through the room, followed by the door being slammed open.

“G’mornin’, sleepyheads!” Shouted the rowdy redhead as he barged into the room. A sly grin spread across his face as he saw the two hugging. “Oh, did I interrupt something?” He asked, his voice dripping with insinuation.

“Lavi!” Allen cried in indignation. Letting go of Lenalee, he threw the covers off his legs and set about looking through his drawers for something to wear. “Er, Lenalee, would you mind…?” He said, shooting her an apologetic look. Lenalee’s eyes widened in understanding, and she blushed before walking quickly from the room.

“Sorry, Allen!” She said as she left the room. “I’m going to head over to my room and get changed. I’ll meet you back here, okay?” She didn’t wait for a response, but she heard Allen’s agreement anyway as she walked down the hall to her room.

After finding a decent change of clothes, she made her way back to Allen’s room, stopping only to use the facilities. She knocked softly on his door, hoping the younger teen was dressed and ready to go. To her surprise, Lavi opened the door, looking worried.

“After you left, he gradually became less and less responsive. He’s on the ground again, holding his eye. He’s not screamin’, jus’ shakin’ with the pain,” he said, as if reporting something to Bookman. He sounded almost emotionless, and Lenalee wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. She gazed at Lavi strangely, and after a moment, he seemed to snap out of it. “I’m really worried about him, though. Maybe you could help?” He stepped aside to let her in, and Lenalee walked past him to the quivering Exorcist on the floor.

“I told you you weren’t ready to go out of the room,” Lenalee scolded in a soft voice. Allen looked up, and he gave her a grim smile.

“It’s getting better already,” he said, still obviously in pain. Lenalee shot him a disbelieving look.

“I know you want Allen to stay here,” Lavi said, coming up to stand behind them, “but we’ve all gotta go to the Director’s office. I think they’re givin’ us a mission, or something.”

Lenalee sighed and helped Allen up, hoping the teen could make it through the meeting. “Lead the way,” she said, and Lavi did.

They walked into the round room, and Lenalee’s heart clenched. It was pristine, as clean as she had seen it since she had joined the Order. Even the Director before her older brother had been a bit messy, and this level of organization surprised her. It was as if all of her brother’s presence had been completely erased, as if he had only been immortalized in the archives as a past Director. She fought off the wave of pain that emanated from the surprisingly large hole in her heart and forced herself to look into the eyes of the British man in front of her.

The man’s dark eyes bored right through her, as if trying to see through her very existence. He made a grunting sound but said nothing, clearly waiting. Lenalee found herself thinking that she didn’t particularly care for this man, but that may have had to do with the fact that he was not Komui, who often made small talk (most likely to avoid work) while he waited for others to join them. Just as she was making her judgment of the man, he smiled broadly.

“How are you doing this morning, Miss Lee?” He asked her pleasantly, and she was almost thrown backward by the good-natured aura that surrounded him. The shock must have shown on her face, because the man chuckled. “I get that a lot.”

“I’m sorry,” Lenalee said sincerely, wishing she could take back her original opinion of the man.

“That’s alright. Like I said, I get it a lot,” he responded kindly, though Lenalee felt she had to do something to make up for it.

An awkward silence filled the air around them, interrupted only as five Exorcists barged noisily into the room. Miranda and Lolek were talking quietly, but Kanda-kun seemed to be having a thunderous fight with Amanda. Darcy walked in behind them, hand to his shaking head.

“As I said, if you continue to call me by my first name, I will not hesitate to run Mugen through your tiny American neck!” Kanda roared, drawing his sword.

“Now, now, Yuu-pyon, you know you like it!” Amanda said, sporting a broad grin even as she shouted loud enough for Lenalee to want to cover her ears.

Kanda-kun immediately swung his sword back, probably preparing for the death blow.

“Let’s not be hasty!” Exclaimed the Director.

“Yes, Yuu-pyon, don’t be hasty, now!” Amanda shouted, diving behind Lavi, who was standing next to her. Kanda-kun’s eyes went wide, and his hands twitched on his blade. Lenalee wondered if he was considering chopping through the both of them to get to the American. No doubt he’d say it was killing two birds with one stone. The older Exorcist sighed, and his eyes showed resignation as he reluctantly lowered his blade, re-sheathing it. He walked threateningly past Lavi and grabbed Amanda roughly by the shoulders, forcing her forward until her face was mere centimeters from his.

“If you _ever_ call me that again,” he whispered, his voice so threatening, despite the thickening accent, that even Lavi backed up a step, “I _will_ kill you, whether you hide behind someone or not.”

Amanda gulped, but she looked the Japanese Exorcist right back in the eyes, responding with a quiet, “Sorry for offending, I didn’t think you wouldn’t be able to take a joke…” but her voice trailed off as she saw Kanda-kun’s glare become the iciest Lenalee had ever seen it, and that included the day he met Lavi. Kanda-kun let go of the girl, throwing her backwards in disgust and walked up to Director Smith’s desk.

“Why are we here?” He growled menacingly. The British man smiled broadly at him, seemingly unphased. Lenalee had expected him to shrink back in his chair, perhaps swallow hard, but then, his behavior made sense to her.

“I’ve got two missions that need to be done. You, Lavi, Darcy, and Amanda—yes, Mr. Kanda, Amanda—will be going to the south of France, where a strange illness has been affecting the populous. Finders in the area have reported seeing numerous Akuma and a small girl controlling them. Here are your information packets.” He handed the four of them rather thick packets and then turned to the remaining Exorcists. “Miss Lee, you, Miss Lotto, and Lolek will be doing an Akuma extermination in Bavaria, Germany. From the information the Finders have gathered, there doesn’t seem to be Innocence in the area—we’ve collected most of the pieces, anyway—and the Noah Clan seem to be doing things elsewhere. It should be a simple mission, and I actually hesitate to send you all out, but since the Akuma there are more evolved than they are in other areas, I thought it best to go through with it.”

Lenalee took in all the information with ease and grabbed her packet as it was passed to her. Something wasn’t sitting well in her mind, and she couldn’t figure it out until Allen spoke.

“Er, is there any particular reason I’m staying behind?” Allen asked. The Director looked uncomfortable and shifted in his chair; indignation shot through Lenalee.

“Well, you see, er, we have to—you aren’t exactly—” The Director began.

“You don’t trust him,” Lenalee said bluntly, outrage showing clearly in both her voice and face.

The Director looked still more uncomfortable. That was answer enough for Lenalee.

“I’m staying behind. You didn’t need three people on that mission, anyway,” she stated.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Allen’s face surprisingly close. She blushed a little but didn’t pull back.

“No, it’s okay, Lenalee,” he said. “I understand that they’re afraid of me. I’ll be fine on my own.” His tone was that of one resigned to his fate, and Lenalee stamped her foot in anger.

“No, you will _not_ be alright! They’re going to do something while we’re all gone—that’s why they’re sending us out! I don’t think I could live if I came back and you weren’t…” Lenalee felt tears fall from her eyes and moved her hands up to cover her face. She felt Allen’s arms wrap around her shoulders, and she leaned into his chest.

“They won’t do a thing to me, Lenalee. I’ll be here when you get back,” he whispered in her ear so only she could hear it. She didn’t believe him. She, more than anyone else, knew how cruel the Order could be when it wanted something done. She heard footsteps nearby and the shuffle of papers; she opened her eyes. To her shock, Miranda stood grimly in front of the Director with a very uncharacteristic scowl on her face.

“I’m not needed on this mission. I only have mostly defensive abilities and would be a liability to Lenalee and Lolek in this situation. There are already a good number of Exorcists on the other mission, so I’ll have to refuse that one, too, even though I’d be more useful there. Come get me if you have something better for me. Of course, I have to go with a partner, and there are no other Exorcists here at the moment, excepting Allen.” Not waiting for a response, she turned her back to the desk and walked away. Pausing at Lenalee’s side, she whispered, “don’t worry, Lenalee. I’ll protect Allen. If they do anything to him, I’ll reverse their time until they’re newborns.” With that, she patted Lenalee on the shoulder and left the room, pausing only to give Lolek an apologetic look.

The Director’s face was stuck in the most surprised expression Lenalee had ever seen. She had the feeling he wasn’t spoken to like that often.

“She’s right, you know,” Allen said from Lenalee’s side. “As the Director, you should give missions based on the Exorcist’s strengths. Sending Miranda on an exterminating mission is the worst thing you could do. You should know your Exorcists in and out, and this kind of behavior shows a level of incompetence that even Komui would be ashamed of.”

The Director’s eyes widened comically. Lenalee had a feeling that no one scolded his actions, especially a short, eighteen-year-old Exorcist. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “You have no right to speak to me like that, son,” he said coldly, obviously trying to regain his authority.

“No, I have _every_ right to speak to you this way. I’m a General; you’re just the Director of the Science Department. You may be Head of this branch, but I still outrank you. It is well within my power to scold you for incompetence, and I will use that power now.”

“You mean you _were_ a General,” the man countered, his face showing that he thought he was winning this fight. He didn’t know Allen, though. Lenalee knew him when he was in his General mindset, and he was as charismatic and stubborn as Cross had been. He knew how to talk to the Exorcists, to comfort them and to spur them on; he knew how to issue orders and take them himself; and he knew how to reprimand the inefficient.

“You can never stop being a General,” Allen replied, a cold tone icing his voice over. “You, a person who has never fought in this war, can never understand this. I became a General at fifteen, and I will continue my duties as a General now, at one hundred and thirty-two.” His posture was stiff as a rod, and Lenalee could practically see the black and gold outfit hanging from him, even though he wore a tight-fitting white tee-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. The Director sat stone-still, and Lenalee knew he would have no response to Allen’s speech. “Come on, everyone. We’re done here,” He said after a moment. He let go of Lenalee and swept proudly from the room. Everyone followed without question. They weren’t following Allen Walker; they were following their General.

\--

_Finders report a minimum of fifty Akuma surrounding the city of Nice. The presence of Innocence is of yet unconfirmed. Care is necessary due to rumored and documented attacks from the Noah known as Road Kamelot…._ Yuu paused in his reading, pinching the bridge of his nose. He hadn’t read in English in a while, even before his extended rest in his Innocence, and he was rustier than he had thought he’d be. He may have been fluent while speaking the language, but reading had always eluded him more than he would have liked to admit. Sighing, he turned back to the page, intending to finish as much of the thick packet as he could. With travel as quick as that death-machine the Infernal Girl had been driving, he assumed they’d make it to the south of France alarmingly fast.

Yuu read smoothly through another three pages of the packet before the summary of the goings-on was completed. He moved on to the first detailed account of Akuma attacks and stopped short. It was in French. Yuu growled. He spoke English and Japanese. He knew nothing of any other language beyond simple greetings. Scowling at the paper as if that would translate it, he moved on to the second account, which was, thankfully, in a language he _could_ understand.

_A young girl with dark, spiky hair was seen in a dark alley, holding an umbrella. Whether this girl was indeed the Noah, Road Kamelot, is unknown, though many of the startling number of deaths in the city originated in this vicinity. The precinct of the district has looked into these deaths and recovered nine bodies of the original thirteen dead…_ Yuu sighed again and put his head in his hand. He would have to grab his dictionary—but then he remembered he no longer had it. He wanted to cut the entire report with Mugen, but he refrained, instead trying to make sense of the short paragraph and the last sentence in particular.

He heard the door open, but he paid it no attention. It was probably that Infernal Girl coming to annoy him again, and he thought that if he ignored her, maybe she would get the hint and leave. The springs on his bed groaned, and Yuu looked up, intending to bite out an expletive and implore the intruder to leave. Lavi’s face smiled back at him, and he nudged Yuu with his legs.

“Move over, Yuu,” he said. Without realizing it, Yuu obliged. Why was it that he felt… relieved… to see Lavi? Perhaps it was that he was less annoying than that stupid girl. “Let’s see… looks like we’ve got ‘a young girl with dark, spiky hair that was seen in a dark alley, holding—’”

“What are you doing, rabbit?” Yuu asked.

“I’m reading aloud for no one’s benefit but my own!” The redhead responded pompously before continuing. Yuu had to admit, as much as he didn’t want to, that he understood it better when the other Exorcist spoke it aloud, but he’d never say that thought aloud.

“‘The precinct of the district—’ I had to ask Amanda about that one actually—” Yuu shuddered at the thought of the annoying girl. “—Apparently, they use precinct as something to do with authorities, like the police and such. Anyway. ‘The precinct of the district has looked…”

Yuu was surprised. Had Lavi noticed the confusion in his eyes when that word had come up? How had he known that that was exactly what Yuu had been having trouble with? He would think it over later, after Lavi had finished reading the packet. It took a much shorter time than Yuu had thought it would. Turning the packet to page three, Lavi stared at it for a moment.

“I doubt you got this one, Yuu-chan. Let’s see… _‘des démons ont vu sur la rue Jean Médecin, près de la place. En Monaco, personne n’a pas survécu l’attaque par les démons et la jeune fille avec les stigmates sur son front…’_ ” Lavi continued to spout out the entire passage in quick, concise French. Every once in a while he commented on mistakes or differences between his French and that of modern day. Yuu figured he would probably do the same if he read a passage in Japanese, but it still annoyed him. How was reading in French helping anyone but Lavi!? “Okay, Yuu-chan!” Lavi said suddenly, cutting off the snide comment Yuu had been about to make. Looking at Yuu, Lavi then said, “I’ve got the basic thing down. So, it should translate to something like, “Akuma were seen on the road _Jean Médecin,_ close to the square. In Monaco, no one survived the attack by the Akuma and the young girl with the stigmata on her forehead…” And he continued through the passage, not once referring to the paper as he recited it to Yuu. When he’d finished, four and a half pages later, Yuu could do nothing but blink.

“Yuu-chan?” Lavi said, waving his hand annoyingly in front of Yuu’s face, as if he was some unresponsive freak. “What, come on, it was only four pages!” He exclaimed.

Yuu grabbed the hand in front of his vision, ceasing its movement. “ _Only_ four pages? And it was in French! How could you remember all that _and_ translate?” He asked, his voice holding no small amount of outrage. The other Exorcist must have cheated, reading his packet numerous times and painstakingly translating the French to English.

“Photographic memory, Yuu-chan. It works wonders. Plus, I’m fluent in more than just English and Japanese, and I’m competent in more than a few other languages. I’d actually be surprised if there was a language out there I _didn’t_ know.” Lavi, damn him, said this all in his usual chipper-gone-energetic tone, and Yuu resisted the overwhelming urge to punch him.

“You disgust me,” he said, glaring at the other man.

“Aww! You don’t love me, Yuu-chan?” Lavi wailed, huge, fake-crocodile tears falling from his visible eye. He attempted to throw his arms around Yuu, but Yuu dodged, his heart beating slightly faster than usual. He didn’t do touching.

“No, I don’t,” he responded, probably a bit harsher than he had meant to. Lavi cringed a little but continued in his struggle to hug Yuu, eventually succeeding.

Yuu froze, every nerve in his body screaming against the contact. A tremor began in his chest, and he fought it down with his entire being. This wasn’t the same as then…

“ _Get off, Rabi,_ ” he hissed, not even realizing his livid voice was forming the words of his native tongue. Lavi’s grip immediately disappeared, and Yuu got up quickly and hurried from the room. He refused to call it running—his pace wasn’t fast enough to call it that, and he didn’t want to admit to cowardice. Cowardice was something he had left far in his past. Vaguely, he realized he had left his own room, but the tremors in his chest had started again, and he couldn’t bring himself to care.

\---

_June 8, 2013—German Countryside_

Lenalee stared across the compartment nervously at the broad-shouldered Pole seated there. He didn’t seem to notice her, instead gazing blankly out the window. She wasn’t sure if she should be relieved by that fact or not. Gathering her courage, Lenalee took a deep breath to say what had been on her tongue since the previous morning.

“He’s not an enemy, you know—Allen,” she said, trying to sound conversational, as if they had been talking for quite some time. The other Exorcist flinched at the noise and brought his gaze to bear at Lenalee. Lenalee felt herself jump at the surprising lack of intensity in Lolek’s face.

“I sort of saw that,” he said, giving her a wry smile. “The way he acted when Smith tried to isolate him made me at least acknowledge that he was more than I had originally thought.”

“What did you think of him before?” Lenalee asked, curious despite herself.

“An inexperienced, mannerless brat who had only come upon his position as General because of his immense power,” the man replied, not looking into Lenalee’s eyes.

“Why would you—?” Lenalee began, but the Pole raised a hand to stop her. He took a breath and continued.

“I thought he didn’t know anything of the horrors of war. When I saw the way he held himself and the way he was able to bring himself down when you were in pain—when I saw how haunted his face looked as he told Smith off for not understanding—I realized I was wrong. I don’t think even _I_ could understand what he’s gone through. What happened back then?” At his last question, his gaze set itself on Lenalee, and she responded immediately in a sad, reminiscent tone.

“Allen’s always seen the world differently than us. That curse in his left eye—one time we were in a village, and we were forced out by a mob. Allen activated his curse so that we could all see who in the mob was an Akuma and who was human. I have never been as sickened as I was in that moment. I still have nightmares about it. Lavi once described it to _Geg_ —my brother. He called Allen’s world a hell, and I agree with it. People all think it’s just some handy little tool, but Allen sees the sickening suffering of every Akuma. It—well, I don’t quite know how he stays sane.” Tears were dripping steadily from her eyes. “I wish there was some way for me to help him,” she added as she wiped the tears away.

Lolek looked stunned, as if he had never before thought of Allen’s curse as what it was. He stood up and walked the short distance to Lenalee’s side of the compartment before sitting next to her. He put a hand over one of hers and then pulled her into a brief, one-armed hug.

“The fact that he’s a Noah scares me,” he admitted.

Lenalee nodded. “It scares me too, more than anything.”

Lolek remained quiet, and their conversation lapsed into silence. As the train pulled to a stop two hours later, they stood, and Lolek said quietly, “I won’t attack him. That kid is stronger than I gave him credit for. He’ll keep the Noah at bay.” He grabbed their luggage and walked from the compartment, his gait as sturdy as his posture.

Lenalee followed, hoping this mission wouldn’t last very long.

\---

_June 8, 2013—Nice, France—Hôtel Vendôme_

The smell of the ocean overwhelmed the group as they headed into the corner hotel. It was a grand thing, all white brick, standing at a proud four stories. Lavi was of the mind that it had been converted from a rich man’s château to the hotel it now was. They walked under the blue arch and into a modest area covered in moderately-cracked concrete. Confidently, they ascended the steps and entered the building, holding themselves like the Exorcists they were. Lavi marveled at the architecture. The inside looked even more like an old château. It had obviously been renovated recently, though, judging by the clarity of the colors that painted the walls. This building was on the border of Old Nice and would have been built at a much earlier age than some of the surrounding places. Turning left, they headed to the front desk, where Amanda took a breath, trying to engage one of the workers. Lavi put a hand on her shoulder and she looked back.

“Allow me,” he said and leaned against the desk. “ _Excusez-moi, madame, mais mes amis et moi, nous voudrions une, euh—_ do we want one room or two, Amanda?” The girl in question answered, and Lavi continued. “— _deux chambers pendant trois semaines, s’il vous plait._ ” The woman at the desk raised her eyebrows but responded in the affirmative. Lavi took care of the rest of the preparations, the others staring at him in surprise.

As they walked to their rooms, Darcy cleared his throat.

“I didn’t know you knew French, Lavi,” he said in a surprised tone.

“Yeah, I’m fluent in a lot of languages. I _am_ a Bookman-in-training, after all,” Lavi said with pride. Realizing belatedly that he could no longer possibly be an heir to the Bookman line, he added, “or at least, I was.” His voice, damn it, sounded with a lot more emotion than he had meant to put in. It sounded too out of character for “Lavi,” but he hoped no one would catch that. He hadn’t known Amanda and Darcy long enough for them to really know his character, but despite how crazy she acted, Lavi knew how intelligent Amanda actually was. She seemed to be very similar to him, now that he thought about it. And Darcy wasn’t bad intelligence-wise, either, so he wouldn’t be surprised if the man noticed something. And Kanda already knew about his different personalities. After knowing the other man for five years, Lavi couldn’t keep much from him.

“Why aren’t you now?” Darcy asked, and Lavi noticed Amanda looking at him in interest from the corner of his eye.

“Well, Bookman must’ve found someone. He was really old—over ninety—but I’m sure he refused to die until his new apprentice was properly trained. If he had a new apprentice, then obviously, I’m no longer the heir,” Lavi said, trying to keep his voice cheerful and failing. Kanda grunted next to him, and Lavi took that as a comforting one. Really, Kanda had no idea how kind and caring he actually was. Lavi laughed a bit in his head but showed none of his amusement on his face.

Both rooms were small, almost cramped, but very nice. The beds, when Lavi tested one, seemed to be rather comfortable, and the windows in both rooms had excellent views of the ocean’s stunning blue waters. The bathrooms were sparklingly clean, with dazzling white tile and white, painted walls. A mirror stood peacefully above the simple sink, and light filtered in through the high window above the toilet, making every surface shine. Lavi was impressed with them. He always liked staying at a good hotel or inn. It made him feel welcome.

“These beds are really only made for one person, so someone will have to stay with me,” Amanda said. “Darcy, you may as well be with me. Yuu-san and Lavi probably want to be on their own.” She pulled the Irishman out of the room, and a moment later, Lavi heard the door of the other room close. He turned to Kanda, who was still at the window, and pondered how best to annoy the other man.

They’d gone up the beach and back down three times now and had found nothing. Lavi had the entire stretch memorized, down to the old lady’s flopping breasts at the other end. He had not wanted to see that, but it was now burned in his retina for life. Kanda and Amanda looked just as shocked and uncomfortable as Lavi felt, but Darcy seemed to be elated.

“Oh, I _love_ topless beaches!” He trilled happily in his Irish accent. Amanda hit him upside the head.

“You’re such a pig, Darcy,” she said. “Whenever we go somewhere like this, you always take time to rudely _gawk_ at all the women!”

“Shut up, Amanda. You’re the same at nude beaches; don’t deny it,” Darcy shot back.

“I never took you for a liar, Mr. Darcy,” Amanda said, taking on her awful approximation of a British accent. Lavi would have to teach a proper one sometime. “Well, anyway, someone should put you in your place.” She shrugged off her Exorcist jacket and let it fall to the ground. She unzipped the black shirt beneath it and then pulled off her undershirt. Unclipping her bra, she turned to Darcy, a glare on her face. “I think I’ll go swimming now.” She pulled off her strange shoes and her long socks, and then she was running toward the gentle blue waves.

Darcy’s eyes had bugged out comically, blushing deep enough for it to clash mightily with his hair, and when Lavi looked at Kanda, a meter to his left, he noticed the Japanese man was blushing as well. For some reason, something tugged at his heart, but as the Bookman he was, he ignored it.

Amanda walked back, dripping and smelling of the sea, not seeming to care that she was exposing her ample chest. Lavi found himself blushing as well, and he turned his head enough to keep her out of range of his left eye.

“Stop being so indecent!” Darcy shouted, and Lavi forced down a chuckle at Kanda’s sharp nod of agreement.

“It’s not indecent! What’s _indecent_ is you staring!” Amanda shot back. It occurred to Lavi that perhaps the two were attracted to one another.

“I would never stare at _you_ ,” Darcy hissed. Amanda’s face looked hurt for a moment, but then the expression was gone. _She definitely has feelings for him_ , Lavi thought. Bookman would have been proud if he could see Lavi now. His stomach sank again. _You have to stop thinking like that!_ He scolded himself. Pushing away the emotion that shouldn’t exist, he forced his mind to take in as much detail as possible. He would even write logs that night. He’d write them in an obscure language, just to keep his mind away from the man who had taught him everything…

“What, you don’t like what you see?” Amanda asked angrily.

“No, it’s not that, its—” the Irishman clammed up, his jaw closing with an audible _click_.

Lavi knew this wasn’t going to end well. Either the brunette could comment on this and make a huge amount of trouble, or she could wisely keep her mouth shut and let it fly. But Lavi knew which action she’d take, and he decided to grab Kanda’s arm in his hand and drag him from the scene. This was edging on something too personal for it to be polite to listen in.

“It’s what, Darcy?” Amanda asked, her voice tinted with some intangible emotion that Lavi did not want to understand.

“It’s—you’re too—I—”

Kanda was walking quickly on his own now, but Lavi hadn’t let go of the other man’s arm yet, instead trying to make their pace faster. They were well out of earshot now, but even a deaf person could have heard the outraged cry that followed.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘I’M TOO YOUNG!?’”

Lavi winced and pulled them ever faster away from the scene Amanda and Darcy were making.

\---

Several days had passed since the incident on the beach, and the awkward air between Amanda and Darcy was becoming stifling. The group of four walked down the pier hoping to come across some sign of the Innocence they were hunting. After finding nothing on the beach, they had gone to the other side of the city and had scoured it until nightfall for days. This was the last place left in Old Nice that they had yet to check. Lavi wasn’t overly hopeful, and the tension in the group was reaching breaking point.

Suddenly, they realized that the streets were quieter than they should have been. A light laughter drifted down the alleyway. Lavi recognized it immediately. He could never forget it.

“Oh, look! A group of Exorcists to play with!” The high voice squealed with delight. Lavi activated his Innocence, grabbing the hammer in his right hand, and out of his peripheral vision he saw the others do the same. Seeming to have stepped out of the shadows, stood Road Kamelot.

“You bitch,” Amanda said, loathing dripping from her tongue. She flung the brightly gleaming discus at the cutely dressed Noah in front of them. Stepping forward into the light, Road deftly caught the Innocence in one hand.

“You’ll have to fight better than that to get me. And no one except Allen could fight that well,” she said, tossing the Innocence back flippantly. To Lavi’s surprise, it hit Amanda in the head, and the girl fell back, her head hitting the sidewalk with a hard _thunk!_ Road giggled. Turning her sights on the other Exorcists, she spoke in her annoying, high-pitched voice, “let’s see, who do I get to play wi—” She froze, her expression that of a person who had just seen a ghost. “You two… weren’t you _dead?_ ” She asked.

“Nope, alive as ever!” Lavi shouted out cheerfully.

“But you’re dead! I had the girly, black-haired one close to death! Even though I had to attend to the Earl immediately after he left, the girly one would have died!” Her voice held a denial so strong that Lavi wondered if there was something else bothering her.

A quarter of a meter to his right, Kanda growled with rage. Though Lavi would never admit it, Kanda was a bit girly, as much as the other tried to ignore it.

Suddenly, Road’s eyes lit up. “If you guys are here, that must mean _Allen’s still alive!_ ” She shouted, and Lavi was sure he heard a distinct note of hope in her voice.

“Aye, he’s alive,” Darcy said. Road looked elated.

“Oh my God! Are you serious?” Road yelled, running closer to the group of Exorcists. Darcy took a step back, stooping down to grab Amanda in case they needed to run.

“He’s alive,” Lavi confirmed. The Noah ran up to them and threw her arms around Kanda and Lavi, pulling them into a tight hug. She squealed loudly in their ears and then pushed them away, sending them sprawling. She then proceeded to do something akin to a victory dance, jumping up and down in her happiness.

“What the fuck is wrong with her?” Darcy asked, taking his eyes off the crazy Noah to look at Lavi.

“She had… a sort of _thing_ for Allen,” Lavi said. Kanda snorted, and Lavi amended, “well, a rather _large_ thing for Allen. I’d say it bordered on love or something.”

Road froze, her arms in still in the air. “But Love is dead,” she said. Her eyes went wide, and she whispered, “oops!” before summoning a door and running through it.

Lavi wondered what the fuck she was talking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> *Idiot in Mandarin
> 
> Lavi’s French in the hotel translates to this: Excuse me, madame, but my we would like one, uh, two rooms for three weeks, please.
> 
> And, as a random tidbit, we’ve both been to the places we’ve sent the Exorcists, so we actually know what we’re talking about! (omg! Amazing!) Also, please excuse our numerous mistakes this chapter. We’ve been really tired when writing these, so we may have missed a few things. The next ones will be better.


	5. The Generals Come Marching Through and Through

_June 15, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Allen’s head ached. A lot. It had been hurting the entire week, and he couldn’t tell if it was because he was angry that he’d been left behind or that Smith had been following him the whole time. It distinctly reminded him of when the Order had placed Howard Link as his “guardian.” Of course, Link had been straight with Allen about his orders. Smith, on the other hand, tried to make it look like it all was a mere coincidence when they met in the dining hall, in the hallways, as well as on the way to the bathroom, several times a day. Even the Fourteenth had gotten annoyed at the guy and was currently singing a hateful little tune in the back of Allen’s head about what he’d like to do to the man.

_Flay him, burn him, cut off his limbs!_ Fourteen sang. _Mutilate and desecrate his smoldering remains! No one will miss him, no one will care! We can even steal his too-large underwear!_

Allen couldn’t suppress a snicker at that last line. He had to admit, Fourteen could sometimes be highly amusing, if a little dark.

But suddenly, Smith was looming behind him. Again.

“What are you laughing at, sonny? Care to share?” There he was, trying to be subtle about prying into Allen’s business.

“No, not particularly,” Allen replied nonchalantly, picking up his pace.

“We’re expecting a few _guests_ this evening, and I think they’ll want to meet you. You are Destroyer of Time, after all. And they may be able to help you with your… _affliction_. Anyway, I’ll see you in the main lobby at seven this evening,” Smith said. He walked off, but Allen heard the man’s steps stop the second he turned the corner. He really was hopeless at subtlety.

Walking quietly until he was near the Director, he gave a quiet response. “You know, Director, I’m not stupid. I know you’ve been following me since you sent my friends off. There’s no need to be afraid. Noah only comes out when I’m threatened physically. Or when I’m playing music. And wouldn’t you believe it? I feel like singing now!” He heard feet scamper away, and he had to chuckle a little bit. That had been easier than he’d thought.

Miranda walked up to him, and the two of them spent another quiet day together, talking and playing cards. Allen won every game, of course. Miranda took it well, though, and Allen began to teach her some of the easier tricks. It would be nice to have someone on equal footing who he could play against. He’d still win, of course, Allen thought with a smile. Humming a harmless tune, he whittled away the hours until seven rolled around. He wasn’t exactly sure who the guests were, but he assumed they were people high up in the Order. He would have fun taking them down a few notches—it was something he’d been taught by Cross and something he’d been waiting to implement ever since he first became a General.

Allen knew immediately that the three people coming out of the lift were Generals. He knew by the way that they carried themselves and by the distinctive gold embellishments on their jackets. The one leading the three was a tall African woman who carried a belt on which a stick was held. She had sharp features and deep, rich eyes, and her long, black hair was tied up in cornrowed braids. She wore her Exorcist jacket proudly. It was a long number; Allen could barely see her booted toes beneath its length. Two men followed closely behind her, almost like shadows in her presence. One was definitely Asian, probably Vietnamese, but Allen wasn’t quite sure. The Asian carried a type of gun Allen had never seen before in his right hand. The other man carried a large knife in his hand, and Allen recognized it immediately as a machete. Further behind them was clustered a group of three apprentices, but Allen paid them no attention, too preoccupied by the staggering presence of the woman in front of him.

“Allen Walker, I presume?” she asked as she stopped barely a meter from him.

“Yes, I’m Allen. May I ask who you are?” Allen said, slipping into his General persona.

“I am called Cyrah Kabbah, and behind me are Tuan Chu and Tamas Varga. We are the three Generals of the Dark Order,” she responded, her voice imperious.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. It is always nice to meet fellow Generals.” The woman’s face twitched in annoyance.

“Really, I didn’t know we were allowing Noahs into the Order now,” she said, her voice mockingly light.

“I was, and am, an Exorcist,” Allen replied coldly, and with a gesture of his hand, the Crowned Clown settled onto his shoulders. In an instant, the African woman had pulled the rod from her belt, and with a flick of her wrist, her Innocence crackled forth and encircled Allen’s wrist. Crying out in pain, he dropped to his knees. Behind her, the two men prepared to strike as well.

Allen looked up into the deep, now merciless gaze, “Stop now, or I’ll lose my control over him,” he warned, and from the twitch in his right eye, he knew it had changed to the golden hue of the Noah.

The woman didn’t even pause to consider the danger she was putting them all in, she simply drew her Innocence back and whipped it forward again. Screaming, Allen’s face hit the floor. His head was now pounding with the angered cacophony of the Fourteenth screaming to be let free. His left eye felt like it was about to burst.

“Please, for the love of God, stop, before I accidentally kill you all!” Allen pleaded from the cold stone of the floor. His Innocence was curled around him like a blanket, the only thing keeping the strong Noah at bay. Still the whips rained down on his back. Now practically sobbing in both pain and desperation, he suddenly shuddered and stopped. Standing slowly despite the repeated blows, he lifted his head and met the woman’s eyes, “Since you are trying to let him out,” he said shakily, “I will show you what I go through every day keeping him in my head.” Allen let all of his barriers down and the Noah swept forth, darkening Allen’s skin. The woman’s eyes widened in fear, and she took an unconscious step back. The Fourteenth laughed in his deep, melodious voice…

\----

_June 15,2013—Dingolfing, Bavaria_

The exploding Akuma looked like fireworks in the night sky. Lenalee alighted on the ground, her Dark Boots making barely a sound. The two Exorcists stood in silence for a few moments, breathing deeply, listening for any sound that would indicate there were still enemies about. There was nothing but the soft patter of footsteps as Lolek ghosted to her side.

“It’s too quiet on my side,” he mumbled into her ear. Lenalee gave a sharp nod, showing she understood. He was right, even the cicada calls had ceased. The two walked quietly though the small town; the streets were unusually empty. Reaching the center of the town, Lenalee scanned the square. A small movement caught her eye. Looking up to the statue of the Virgin Mary that topped the fountain in the middle of the square, she noticed the shadows on the gilded lady’s face shift slightly. Signaling to Lolek, the two crept toward the fountain. Lenalee’s Dark Boots made no sound on the uneven cobblestone. A tiny giggle, like that of a child, flitted lightly from behind the statue. Without warning, it exploded, sending golden pieces flying toward the Exorcists. In its place, balancing lightly on the fountain’s pedestal, stood a Level Four Akuma.

Lenalee didn’t pause before activating her Innocence, launching herself at the foul creature. Lolek was one step behind her, forming his parasitic gauntlets. She hit the Akuma before Lolek could even blink. The Akuma’s gruesome armor cracked at the impact, and Lenalee used the rebound force to take her high into the air. Flipping in a slow back layout, she waited until she was almost at the peak of her jump before shouting out to her partner.

“LOLEK! Knock it back toward the fountain!”

He looked up, nodded, and complied, a fierce look of determination on his pale face. He broke through its defenses with a speed that rivaled Kanda’s and had it flying back toward the fountain the second Lenalee hit the top of her jump.

“INNOCENCE!” She shouted, and it lit up, ready to heed her orders. “LEVEL THREE: PIERCING HEAVENS!” She shot down like a rocket, wind whistling like a teakettle in her ears. Faster than the speed of sound, she drilled into the Akuma, passing through it as if it were a bowl of pudding. She landed easily but hard on the ground and took off at a run, grabbing Lolek’s gauntleted arm as she did so. The Level Four Akuma exploded in their wake, destroying what was left of the fountain. They hit the ground with the force of the aftershock, and water from the destroyed centerpiece drenched them, but other than a few scrapes and bruises, they seemed to be fine. Not trusting that to be the last one, Lenalee stood up as quickly as her sore body would allow her, once again scanning the square. She waited, shifting her gaze warily past the surroundings. In her peripheral vision, she saw Lolek get up and do the same.

Noise flooded back into the world as the Akuma’s dying flames calmed to nothing, and Lenalee let out a breath, relaxing.

“I think that was the last one,” she said, her breathing still hard from exertion.

Lolek relaxed as well, deactivating his Innocence before turning and gaping at Lenalee, his mouth open in shock.

“You… just destroyed a Level Four… on your own?” He asked.

“No, I had your help,” Lenalee replied simply, shooting him a cheerful smile.

“I didn’t do anything; I just put it at the right angle for you.”

“That’s helping!” Lenalee remarked, still smiling. The Polish man sighed, shaking his head.

“How did you get so strong, anyway?” He asked her. “Was everyone from your time like you?”

“No, I was a General,” she responded simply.

Lolek’s eyes bugged out, and his jaw dropped again. “ _Bitte?_ ” He cleared his throat. “I mean—pardon me?”

“I was a General. Wasn’t it recorded?” Lenalee asked, now curious as to how much of their history had been preserved. Not mentioning that Allen was sharing a mind with the Fourteenth Noah was one thing, but leaving her off of the list of Generals was different. She had worked hard for that position, and though it had taken her from Allen’s group, which had essentially become her family, she was immensely proud of it. She didn’t particularly care if her name was left off the page, but she had known for a fact that Lavi had been doing the historical records for the Order at that point. She’d have to ask him about that later.

“No, I don’t remember seeing it in any of the archives, but it’s possible I missed it,” Lolek responded, sounding sheepish, as if he had missed something vital and was now being scolded for it.

“Don’t be upset about it, Lolek, I’m just wondering why Lavi kept it out of the official records _Gege_ —that’s Komui—made him write.” Lenalee had to smile a bit at the memory. Toward the end of the war, there had been so much paperwork that Komui had had to go to the Exorcists for help.

“You really miss your brother, don’t you?” Lolek asked softly as they began to walk away from the square and back to the hostel they were staying in.

“It’s like half of my world has been torn away from me,” Lenalee said, her voice dropping to a dynamic much quieter than Lolek’s. She felt a warm pressure on her shoulder and realized the other Exorcist had wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. It wasn’t like Lavi’s flirting, or like Allen’s silent comfort; it was something different, like an older brother offering support to his younger sister. Lenalee felt some of the grief she was feeling lessen a tiny little bit.

“I know what it’s like, losing a sibling,” he said, his voice cracking on the last word. Lenalee turned her head to look at him and saw he was on the verge of tears.

Feeling like she was prying, she asked quietly, “who?”

His response didn’t come at once, and Lenalee understood that he was fighting back the tears that seemed to want to roll down his face. Even now, his eyes were swimming with them. “My little sister,” he finally croaked. In his voice was a grief so deep that it threatened to eclipse Lenalee’s own.

She didn’t press, and she hadn’t expected him to continue, so she was shocked when, as they settled in their small room in the hostel, he began to speak again as if no time had passed at all since their conversation had lulled into silence.

“She was an Exorcist, too. We were twins, so we both had parasitic-type Innocence. They both formed gauntlets, and we fought extremely well together. The Generals often commented on our impeccable teamwork. We had a very strange bond. Not only were we connected by the same blood, we were connected by the same Innocence. I really am only half the man I was after she died. I can’t activate my Innocence as well as I could before, because, well, there’s only half of it now.” He stopped to take a breath, and Lenalee put a hand on his arm comfortingly, hoping it would take away the sting her next question would create.

“How?” She needn’t say anything else.

“We were on a mission—we were looking for one of the last pieces of Innocence. I think we were somewhere in Brazil. I can’t remember—” his lips turned up in a wry smile. “—all of my memories from that time have gotten a bit hazy. But I do know that we had the Innocence. She was carrying it for us. She always told me that I’d drop it and then we’d have to report back to Smith with nothing. It was our little joke.” He cleared his throat loudly. “We thought all of the Akuma were gone—and they were—so we deactivated our Innocence, glad to have the job done. We hadn’t been expecting our enemies to be human, too. After he flung my sister to the ground with crazy strength, he destroyed her Innocence. And then he found the Innocence we’d just recovered, too, and he got to it. It was after that that the Order checked its archives and found out all about you guys and your fight with the Noahs and the Earl. We all thought it was just a myth—the part about the Noah Clan, anyway. Any Exorcist knows about the Earl, but no one thought about the people who had fought with him or about the Exorcists who had fought against him.”

Lenalee patted his arm again before moving her hand to rub circles onto his back. When she looked up at his face, Lolek had a solitary tear following the flow of gravity toward his chin.

“No one knew who Allen Walker was until the archives were uncovered. And the Noahs. There used to be so many. But most of them had been killed. Maybe that’s why they were forgotten.”

Lenalee thought she heard a small note of resentment in his voice as he talked of the Noahs.

“What was her name?” Lenalee asked, hoping she wasn’t being rude.

“Lolle,” he said. “That’s actually a German name, but since our mother was German… Anyway, Lolle was a doll. She looked very similar to me—hell, we were twins after all, fraternal as it was. I always thought of her as perfect. Lolle was my light, and she was extinguished as easily.”

“You miss her more than you let on.” It was a statement. No one needed to question the man’s grief.

“Like you said, a gaping hole in my heart.”

\---

_June 15, 2013—Nice, France_

Lavi shed his outer jacket the second they stepped into the air-conditionned room of their hotel. It had been another exhausting day. After meeting Road, they had scoured the city again, along with the coast and neighboring areas. The day before, they’d done Monaco, and tomorrow, they would check at the hospitals again. They’d checked everywhere except the water itself, which was what found him and Kanda back in their room with skin-tight numbers Amanda and Darcy had called wet suits. Proceeding to throw off the rest of his clothes, he heard a shocked grunt from Kanda’s position a few meters behind him.

“Bathroom,” he heard the other Exorcist mumble, and a second later, the door half-slammed. Lavi chuckled despite himself and pulled on the wet suit. It was a dark blue, which he thought went magnificently with his red hair. As he grabbed the mask Amanda had bought, though, he wondered what he would do about his eye. He didn’t want the others to have to see that, especially not Kanda. Lavi blinked in confusion. Why not Kanda? What was so different about him than anyone else? But try as he might, he couldn’t push back the feeling of… the _feeling_. Why was he _feeling?_ He tried to push it back again, but the stubborn thing wouldn’t budge, and Lavi started to panic. He was a Bookman, he couldn’t do something as reckless as _feel_ —but there it was, that feeling of nervousness that Kanda would see what was under his eye patch, would be _repulsed_ by it. And for some reason, that was the scariest thing Lavi could think of, try as he might to keep it at bay.

Still contemplating his choice of headgear, he heard the bathroom door squeak open. Glad for a distraction, he turned to look at the emerging Exorcist. His jaw dropped. If he had thought Yuu had looked good in those tight pants Amanda had made him wear, then he obviously didn’t know what “good” was. Lavi was instantly glad for his perfect, photographic memory, as he would undoubtedly be living this moment again many times. Kanda had always looked really good in black, but the wet suit was even darker than his Exorcist uniform, and it left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Lavi, with his better-than-perfect vision, could see every contour, every muscle beneath the skin-tight garment. His gaze shifted down, and he admired Kanda’s muscled legs, but as he was looking up again, he caught himself. Blushing, he turned away, hoping the other man hadn’t realized that Lavi had been blatantly checking him out. He heard the fabric of the wetsuit move as Kanda shifted a little bit. Lavi bit at his lip. He had realized in that exact moment why he had kissed the other man when Yuu had held him so desperately. He realized why his heart pounded sometimes when he passed Kanda in the hall. He was attracted to Kanda. It was the first time he had actually, truly been attracted to someone. Even though he flirted with women and admired them for their beauty, he had never actually felt drawn to them, because, of course, that wasn’t allowed. For a Bookman, the sex drive was fatal, and Lavi felt weak even admitting that he had fallen prey to it.

And really, he should have realized that he was attracted to the other man already. After all, they had kissed before. He thought back to that time.

\---

_June 21, 1889—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Everyone was in a rush, eating food, talking with friends, cramming in some extra sleep. Because that night, they went to war. Or rather, battle. Lavi and Bookman wrote and condensed as many logs as they could. Lenalee was sitting nervously in the dining hall, talking with friends. When she wasn’t there, she was with her brother, grabbing his arm possessively, as if assuring them both that she would survive. Allen was stuffing his face as much as possible, trying to get as much energy as he could. And Kanda… he was probably training with Mugen or meditating in his room. Krory sat and ate with Allen, and Lavi couldn’t remember where Miranda and Chaoji were. Noise sat in the library, concentrating on nothing, relaxing in the peace and quiet. Lavi very much wished to do the same, but he knew he wouldn’t have time. His hand was already cramping from overuse, and he and Bookman were nowhere near ready to leave yet. Lavi shuddered at the thought of having to miss his last few hours of free time. He knew many of his coworkers would die, and though he didn’t care if they were there or not, he knew it was uncharacteristic of his current persona to be missing.

With a small flourish, Lavi finished the log he was working on, and when he went to grab paper for the next one, he almost ran into Bookman. The small man patted him on the arm—he was too short now to reach Lavi’s shoulder.

“You should go eat, Lavi. You’ll need your strength for later, as you are a far better fighter than I. Just remember to stay objective,” Bookman said, his voice as grim as his face.

Lavi nodded and patted the man’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Old Panda, I’ll be fine. You won’t lose your successor to this war. Besides, I’m famished. See ya later!” He turned and left, waving absently behind him.

Walking down the ever-familiar corridors to the dining hall, Lavi let his mind wander, thinking through the odds of survival, as he had many times that day. However he looked at it, they weren’t promising. He grimaced to himself and then fixed on his persona’s usual small grin.

When he was halfway to his destination, he saw a movement in one of the side rooms. The hairs on his neck prickled, and his hand went to his hammer. It was probably just his paranoia doing weird things to his head, but he was sure that he was in danger. Creeping back to the side room, he peeked through the crack in the door. His eye widened as he realized someone was right there on the other side.

“Move, _Baka Usagi,_ ” the other person said, and Lavi relaxed immediately. It was only Kanda. Deciding he’d tease the man for what might very well be the last time, he pushed the door inward, making the other man move backward. He heard a growl and grinned playfully.

“Don’t think so, Yuu-chan!” He said cheerfully, entering the dark room.

And suddenly, it hit him. This was probably the last time he’d ever see Kanda alive. He didn’t particularly care if the man survived or not, but the fact was that he would miss the man’s presence. It wasn’t a feeling, per se, but it nagged at the back of his head. What if he never saw the guy again? Abruptly, panic hit him. He didn’t want that, Bookman or not. He didn’t even realize what he was doing as he grabbed the Japanese Exorcist by his upper arms and pinned him to the cold, stone wall next to the door. The man gasped in surprise as Lavi roughly forced their lips together. It was awkward and hard, but it was intense, and he felt something very foreign in the pit of his stomach. Pulling back almost immediately, he growled, “don’t you _dare_ die, you idiot,” and marched swiftly out the door and down the hall. By the time he made it to the dining hall, his heartbeat was almost back to normal, and he had repressed the panic he had felt just moments before. He even managed to forget that strange sensation that had risen from the pit of his stomach through his chest.

\---

_June 15, 2013—Nice, France_

Pulling himself back to the present, he muttered to himself, “I can’t believe I didn’t realize it sooner.”

“Realize what?” Came Kanda’s voice, and Lavi flinched as he realized that the Japanese Exorcist had moved in front of him and was now waving his hand in front of Lavi’s eye.

“Er… that I look damn good in a wetsuit,” he replied hastily. Kanda’s eyes narrowed, but he let the subject drop. They pulled their Exorcist jackets over their swimwear and headed out.

They walked leisurely over to Amanda and Darcy’s room and knocked. Lavi thought he’d heard raised voices, but they stopped the moment Kanda rapped on the wooden door. A moment later, the other two Exorcists emerged, and as a group, they walked down the stairs, through the glass door, and down the main stair to the main lobby. Nodding politely to the receptionist, Lavi followed the rest from the building, trying not to stare at Kanda’s back. He was failing miserably, and he finally gave it up as a bad job. If he was going to be attracted to Kanda, he might as well enjoy the view.

The Finder stood expectantly in front of two tank-things. Lavi quickly asked Amanda what they were, and she responded, saying they were oxygen tanks. That peaked Lavi’s interest. He really had so much to learn. Even if he was no longer the Heir to Bookman—he winced inwardly at the thought—he still had an insatiable curiosity.

The Finder, seeing that Lavi and Kanda were clad in wetsuits, handed them each a cylinder and a pair of strange shoes much like the ones Lavi had seen in the swim shop. The Finder proceeded to explain the mechanics of scuba diving. After a long afternoon of instruction, Lavi and Kanda found themselves going for a test dive. Nothing went wrong, and the Finder declared them proficient.

The next morning, Lavi and Kanda found themselves on a sailboat off the coast of the neighboring town, Juan les Pins. Surrounded by white cliffs and clear, blue water, the two prepared to dive.

“Don’t forget, if there are Akuma, resurface!” Amanda shouted, waving at them from the other side of the boat. Kanda scowled at the girl, obviously annoyed at being reminded for the twenty-sixth time.

“Yes, we get it, Amanda! And if you need help, use the radio,” Lavi yelled back. They had decided early on that two of them would search beneath the water while the other two stayed above to watch for Akuma. Since Lavi and Kanda were both more experienced than the other two in finding Innocence, it made sense that they were forced to dive. Actually, Lavi was looking forward to it. It was his goal to try everything at least once, if he could.

Noting the set face of the Japanese Exorcist roughly four centimeters from his left shoulder, Lavi realized it was time to enter the water, and he fell backward immediately. He watched as Kanda did the same only moments later, and he heard the muted crashing noise as his companion plunged below the surface. Turning so he was parallel to the ground, Lavi had to admire the view. Dark green algae carpeted the sea floor, but Lavi could see hints of the white sand beneath it. He had to smile as he saw a chair upside down on the algae. It seemed to have been there for a while, as plant-like organisms were beginning to grow on its metallic surface.

One and a half hours passed swiftly and uneventfully. They had scoured only a small portion of the large bay, but they had a few days to work on this spot, and Lavi had a good feeling about it. With only a quarter of an oxygen tank left each, they turned upward to rest and replace the cylinders. On their seventh trip to the surface, something caught Lavi’s eye, and he grabbed Yuu’s wrist as the man made to swim up.

“Wait, Yuu-chan,” he said, using the radio for the first time the whole day. It had been uncharacteristic of him to be so quiet, but the Finder had drilled into them the importance of radio silence. If someone had to say something important, it would be best if people realized right away. Interrupting the silent radio would be the perfect way to get another’s attention. So, reluctantly, Lavi hadn’t spoken all day.

“ _Nan desu ka, Baka Usagi?_ ” Kanda growled over the radio, his voice made tinny.

“Er, look over there, Yuu-chan,” he said, pointing with his left hand—the one that wasn’t holding Kanda’s wrist. “Do you see that?” Lavi could see some sort of sparkle surrounded by polluted waters.

Yanking his wrist from Lavi’s grip, he yelled, “See what?”

“Oh, I forgot your eyes suck,” Lavi said drily. He looked over at Yuu and was surprised to see the other man holding his wrist to his chest, as if he had been burned by Lavi’s touch. His posture, even under water, seemed stiff, and Lavi immediately became worried. Had he hurt Kanda? Remorse filled him as immediately as the worry had; Lavi wondered vaguely why he was feeling anything at all. It didn’t make sense. Pushing that from his mind—there was a more pressing situation right now, and Lavi could always introspect some other time—he began to swim toward the small glimmer of light.

“Where the hell are you going, Lavi?” The other Exorcist hissed icily. Lavi didn’t understand why he was so mad, but he pushed that from his mind, too, instead deciding to answer him calmly.

“I saw a glimmer up there. You’ll be able to see it in a minute. I’m thinking it may be the Innocence, so let’s check it out. If we need to go to the surface and swim back above water, then that’s what we’ll do. Come on, you want to get out of the water as much as I do, and if this is the Innocence, then we won’t have to go back in again.”

Lavi’s argument met no resistance, and the two of them swam rapidly toward the light.

Lavi had been correct; it was the Innocence. After a moment, the two of them had it out of the pipeline that led to the water purification plant. The water around the pipe began to clear, and the dark aura surrounded Lavi and Kanda as they swam back to the boat. With only three minutes left in their oxygen tanks, they surfaced and climbed onboard.

“Where the hell were you guys?” Amanda yelled worriedly, smacking them both the second they had their gear off. Shivering in the late afternoon sun, they grabbed the towels she threw at them thankfully. Darcy came up behind her, grabbing her around the waist.

“That’s enough, Amanda. They got the Innocence, so that’s—”

“That’s what, Darcy? All that matters? They could’ve _died!_ All for some fucking _Innocence!_ ”

Feeling oddly emotional, Lavi stood up. “This is a war,” he told them firmly. “Sometimes sacrifices have to be made. What if this Innocence is the Heart? It’s definitely worth dying to obtain.”

“But what if it’s not?” Amanda screamed, tears filling her eyes. Lavi was taken aback. Amanda was usually good-natured, and she was rarely this emotional.

“Amanda,” Darcy said, holding her tighter. “Calm down.”

She clammed up immediately. Hanging her head, she let out a frustrated growl. Then, lifting her head again, she looked them in the eyes (or, in Lavi’s case, eye). “Sorry guys,” she said in a sad approximation of her usual, cheerful tone. “I’m a little emotional ‘cause I’m on my period.” Darcy blanched as Lavi’s face burned with a blush. Looking a meter to his right, he saw Kanda’s face light up as much as his own. He felt that strange thing at the bottom of his stomach again, but he ignored it like he had his earlier emotions. Life was easier to deal with when he didn’t feel.

They reached the shore, and Amanda surprised them all by throwing off her shirt. Of course, being Amanda, she wasn’t wearing a thing under it. All three men looked away. The Finder was still tending to business.

“Time to go topless beach swimming!” Amanda shouted, swinging her shirt above her head like a lasso and then launching it at Darcy, who caught it absently. He was too busy staring at the American girl to do much else. “Oi, Darcy! Don’t stare!” Amanda scolded, coming up to the man and poking his bare chest (he was wearing swimming trunks).

“Im…possible,” he muttered. Amanda’s face softened slightly before becoming mischievous. Throwing herself at him abruptly, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself closely to his chest. Darcy froze, and Lavi was forced to stop the laugh bubbling up his throat. This entire situation was entirely too hilarious for him to contain himself. Poor Darcy didn’t even know what to do with himself.

Amanda pushed back and ran over to Lavi, breasts bouncing. Lavi wasn’t interested in the least. He would have to add that to the list of things he was going to introspect about later. She hugged him tightly as well, and Lavi pulled her enthusiastically closer to him, jokingly pressing a kiss on her sun-browned cheek. A squawk of indignation followed this action, and Lavi saw Darcy’s face growing very, very red. He let go of Amanda hastily. He had underestimated this man’s affections for the girl. She let him go and winked at Darcy before turning to Yuu. Kanda looked horrified as she hugged him, too, and he froze in place like a statue. Even after she had run into the beautiful, sparkling waves of the ocean, he stood as still as ever, as if he would never move again. His expression was one of utmost dread and horror. A pang hit Lavi’s heart, but it was different this time. It made him want to… hit something—or someone… like Amanda. He sighed. Yet another thing to introspect about. He walked over to stand next to Kanda, fully prepared to act as the other man’s shield until he came back to the land of the living, and he watched on as Darcy followed Amanda’s example and threw himself into the waves.

\---

_June 16, 2013—A Train Station in London_

It had been a long trip—shorter than the ones Lenalee was used too, but still long. The two of them were waiting for a Finder to come pick them up in one of the Order’s sports cars. Lolek had gone to get a drink from one of the brightly-lit machines, but Lenalee had lost sight of him in the crowd. She waited patiently for the older Exorcist, leaning against one of the walls and watching the hustle and bustle as people ran about the main entrance. She was shocked when a group of three men approached. They were all bearded and seedy-looking, with ripped and hanging clothing that looked more suited for sleepwear than for anything else. Lenalee tried to ignore them. She knew, if she activated her Innocence, she would be more than capable of taking care of them, but she didn’t want to draw any attention to herself if she could help it.

Still they approached, and Lenalee began to suspect that they were Akuma. No one else would even think of approaching her. Especially since Komui had basically abused his power in the Vatican to make her virtually untouchable. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized what the year was again. No one here knew about Komui, so she would probably be having problems with lascivious men again. Parting her lips, she drew in a breath, ready to activate her Innocence the second it was needed. Akuma or not, she’d take care of these men with her Dark Boots. _People should know that women Exorcists shouldn’t be touched_ , she thought.

“Hey, you’re kinda pretty,” the man in the middle said. He was, if possible, the sketchiest of the three, with the longest, curliest beard and a printed shirt that made Lenalee want to blush. The man leaned up against the wall, getting uncomfortably close. She could smell his sweat this close, and she tried to keep her nose from pinching. “How ‘bout you come with us and have a little fun, eh?” He leaned in a bit closer, and the other two men laughed as Lenalee shrunk back.

But before she could think of an appropriate response, a hand slammed down in front of the man’s face.

“Keep your filthy hands off my sister!” Lolek hissed menacingly, his arms covered in the gauntlets of his Innocence. They glowed with the green light of activation, and Lenalee knew he was seconds from killing—or at least maiming—these men.

The men looked shocked for a moment before the one harassing Lenalee laughed.

“You don’t look like ‘er brother, mate,” he said. “Looks like you jus’ wanna have some fun wit ‘er, too. Sorry, mate, but we saw ‘er first.”

That was all it took. Before Lenalee could even blink, Lolek had the man by his throat against the wall. Lenalee became aware of just how _silent_ the bustling place had gotten. Glancing around from the corners of her eyes, she noticed that many passersby had stopped to look at the fight about to break out.

“I dare you to say that again, _Arschloch._ ” Lolek’s voice was quiet, but it was deadly venomous in a way that rivaled Kanda on a bad day. The man struggled to breathe as Lolek lifted him far from the ground. Lenalee, realizing just how bad the situation could get, grabbed Lolek’s left bicep, squeezing it tightly to get his attention. Lolek looked down at her.

“It’s okay, Brother. Let’s just go. They’re not worth your trouble,” she said, staring deeply into his eyes, trying to make him understand. Reluctantly, Lolek let the man drop unceremoniously to the floor. Activating her Innocence, Lenalee stepped around Lolek and kicked the guy in the stomach.

“You’re lucky I stopped him,” she said, and grabbing Lolek’s arm, she quickly led the man outside.

\---

_June 15, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

“Did you think I’d sit by idly as you whipped Allen’s body to shreds?” The Fourteenth sing-songed at the black woman in front of him. He knew Allen well enough to know that he would’ve waited until she had stopped attacking, would have let her all but whip him to death, rather than fight back. But the Fourteenth himself was not very fond of pain. He shared a body with the young man, and he had no reason to allow it to be injured. Allen’s injuries were his, after all.

The woman, eyes still wide and pupils still dilated in fear, began to shake. Fourteen laughed again, turning it into a note with excessive vibrato. The woman dropped her Innocence, as did the other two Generals and the three pitiful apprentices behind them. He chuckled a little. It was so _fun_ to mess with Exorcists. They were always so serious! And he could never figure out why, either. I mean, sure, there was that big war that traumatized them all, but Fourteen didn’t really care. He was just in it for the… what _was_ he in it for? Ah, yes, Allen was in it, so Fourteen had to suffer through it as well. Still, just the movements inside the Order were like a symphony, and he just _loved_ music. It was so entertaining.

And then, suddenly, the music stopped. An eerie sensation rolled through him, and he noticed absently that he couldn’t move. Ah, it was Miranda. Fourteen liked Miranda. There was no reason for it… oh, wait, maybe it was because _Allen_ liked Miranda. Sharing a body with the kid got very confusing, since he had such a strong will and mind. It was almost overpowering, and he again cursed his idiot younger brother for haphazardly throwing his precious memories into such an annoying host. Really, Mana had been—a strong protest rang through his mind, and he decided to cut off that thought, lest Allen regain control. Which Fourteen did _not_ want.

He turned back to the German Exorcist and smiled widely in amusement as she grabbed everyone’s Innocence—save for Allen’s, of course—and dumped them unceremoniously in a pile at the other side of the room.

“Time Record, resume the Generals!” She shouted. Fourteen cursed in his head, as he could not move his mouth. Even more annoyingly, he could not make even a vibration in his vocal chords. It made him sad. He needed them to vibrate with the music of his voice. Miranda looked him right in the eye and said flatly, “Allen, what did you promise Lenalee?” And Fourteen felt his presence once again being overwhelmed by that stupid Bean Sprout brat with no manners… Ah, how he loved those nicknames…

\---

Allen forced his presence to the front of his mind, effectively enveloping the Noah inside him. He felt horrified. As she was leaving him, Lenalee had made him promise that he would keep his control without them around. Guilt rushed through him. He hated breaking his promises, especially those he made to his most important friend.

“Sorry, Miranda,” he tried to say, but his voice wouldn’t come out. Inside his mind, he heard the Fourteenth croon a little song. _She steeeaaals your tiiiime, she taaaakes your voiiiice, buuuut we looove her aaaanywaaaaay!_ Allen smirked. Realizing he could make facial expressions, he looked at Miranda. “I’m really sorry.” This time, his voice worked.

“What do you mean, you’re sorry?” The African General shouted, and Allen looked back at her. She was looking around for her Innocence, but she couldn’t seem to find it.

“I was talking to Miranda, sorry,” Allen replied.

“Who?” General Kabbah asked. She looked around and jumped as she saw Miranda, Innocence activated, only a little bit away. She let out a rather birdlike squawk.

“Miranda. She reminded me that I promised Lenalee to make sure I didn’t lose control. I guess I broke that promise, since the Fourteenth Noah came out to protect my body. I’ll have to apologize to her properly when she returns. Now, if all this is over with, may I explain a few things to you?”

No one responded, but the black woman blinked, speechless. Behind her, the other Generals seemed just as shocked. One, the Asian one, had his mouth hanging open in an expression of surprise.

“I am not a Noah. Rather, my father, Mana, was the younger brother of one. When the Fourteenth died, Mana put his memories into me. Ever since the incident where I controlled Noah’s Ark, the Musician has made his presence known. He now sings or chants in the back of my head. It’s mostly easy to ignore him, but he is very protective of the body we share. I normally have a very tight control over him, so you needn’t worry about me. Besides, if you didn’t notice, my Innocence is still activated, and I haven’t Fallen yet, have I?

“Did you really think that the Dark Order would allow a Noah in its midst? I was supposed to be a General from the time of the Ark incident, but I was almost sixteen by the time they finally began to trust me again. I demand to have my General’s jacket back, or I will not fight in this war any longer. It is something that I earned on my own, and I do not appreciate that being taken away by some young hotshots who think they can fight Akuma.”

Everyone else in the room was silent. Even the Fourteenth had shut up in his mind, although his chatter resumed a moment later. Then, the youngest General, the Asian, walked up to Allen, passing by the middle-aged African.

“My name is Tuan Chu, and I would like to ask for your forgiveness,” he said, offering his hand. Allen shook it, nodding in acceptance. The man turned to Miranda and waited a moment before bowing his head slightly.

The Hungarian General walked up to Allen soon after and offered his hand, also voicing his regrets. Allen nodded again and turned to the lead General. She looked obstinate and angry, and Allen knew he would get nothing resembling an apology from her. Instead, she looked him in the eye and said, “I will accept you for now, Allen Walker, but if you make a wrong move, my whip will be around your throat.”

“I am glad that will never happen, then,” Allen replied. Looking back at the other two Generals, he smiled and said, “how about a game of cards?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Bitte, in German, means "please." In this case, it means "please repeat that." If you can't figure out the curse Lolek said, Arschloch means "asshole." Sorry that Amanda's a whore again, but that's just her. I think we had something else to say, but I can't remember. 


	6. Alone I Break

Chapter 5—Alone I Break

__June 18, 2013—French Countryside

Amanda had all but insisted that he and Lavi return to Headquarters with the Innocence. Yuu was of the mind that she was just trying to be alone with Darcy again, but he also recognized the need to get the Innocence back to the Dark Order as soon as possible. Grudgingly, he and Lavi had departed the following morning. During the train ride, Lavi had seemed rather off, keeping his mouth shut. Normally, he would have reveled in the fact that the other man was silent, but there was something very wrong about his eye that made Yuu nervous. Yuu knew how hard Lavi worked to maintain his persona, and the fact that he was not “Lavi” during the ride home bothered Yuu more than it should have. Not that Yuu really cared at the moment. He had begun to have his dreams again. He was already starting to feel weary with fatigue, and all his muscles ached from forcing himself to stay still all night so Lavi wouldn’t notice anything. He had pretty much stopped sleeping altogether at this point, not wanting to live through those horrible things again. Once had been enough, but his mind forced him to relive the events again and again. He didn’t even realize when his mind gave in to the sleep he had so desperately been avoiding.

_“Get outta my way, Yuu-chan,” the tall figure slurred out gruffly, trying to push Yuu back. But Yuu wasn’t going to move. He knew what happened when he let the man through that door._

_“No,” he said insolently, his high-pitched child’s voice sounding loud in the quiet of the night._

_“You heard me, brat. Outta my fuckin’ way!” The man intoned thunderously. Even from a meter below him, Yuu smelled the alcohol reeking down to tickle his nostrils._

_“No!” He said more clearly, crossing his arms on his chest._

_“I’ll teach you to fucking cross me, boy!” The man’s right hand rose up, and Yuu knew what would come next. This was the third time he’d been guarding the door, and he had come to expect a strike or two before the tormentor would leave. But this time, flesh didn’t meet flesh. Yuu found himself thrown backward as something hard and cold crashed against his left cheek. Rank-smelling liquid dribbled down his face, and he felt the sting of blood rushing from a wound. He put a hand to his cheek, but something cut at his fingers as he ran them down the length of his wound. He looked up fearfully at the man in front of him and saw his right hand fisted over the neck of what had been his bottle of sake._

He felt a sting on his left cheek and blinked blearily. He flinched back when he saw the tall figure silhouetted against the light entering the room through the window.

“Sorry, Yuu-chan,” the voice said. Yuu drew back further, hitting the corner wall by the compartment door. A second later, he relaxed as he recognized the voice. _Baka!_ He shouted at himself. _He’s dead, calm down._ He masked his remaining panic with a scowl.

“Why’d you wake me up, _baka_?” He asked accusingly. If he had fallen asleep, he must have needed it. Not that he wasn’t secretly thankful the stupid rabbit had woken him. He hated those dreams the most. He already felt more exhausted than he had earlier and cursed the Infernal Girl for being so damned touchy.

“Well, you were looking really distressed and yelling out ‘no,’ so I figured you probably weren’t having a good dream. Should I have left you asleep?” Lavi asked, his cheerful persona firmly back in place, making Yuu wonder if the pensive man who had been in front of him had been part of his dream, too.

“Che,” he said, turning his head away. He didn’t want to thank the idiot, but he couldn’t just tell the other man to leave him alone in one of those dreams. Lavi seemed to understand, though, and he moved back. Yuu stretched back out on the padded seats, relieved.

\--- 

_June 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Lavi collapsed on his bed, glad the day was over. He had barely been able to hold on to his persona at all, and it had taken every bit of mental strength Lavi had to make it through the day. He had thought a lot in the past couple days, and the closer he saw Darcy and Amanda get, the more emotion he felt. He didn’t understand it. Logically, he knew it was jealousy, but he didn’t understand _why_ he was jealous of them. After giving himself a colossal headache, Lavi had changed the subject of his thoughts to Yuu. But those didn’t make sense, either. He was obviously attracted to the other Exorcist. It was obvious from how his heart always skipped a beat when the other man was near. What he was confused about was the strange feelings he was getting over top of the physical attraction. He couldn’t understand why his stomach dropped whenever he jokingly touched Kanda or why when he hugged the other man; he wished he’d be hugged back. Even worse was the feeling of wanting to kiss the man whenever he was near. In the compartment on the train back from France, Kanda had fallen into a light sleep, and at first, he had looked so adorable that Lavi had actually had to leave the compartment to keep himself from doing something stupid. He didn’t understand why these feelings were bubbling up like he hadn’t thrown them away. He had never, in his twenty-one years of life, felt as much as he did now, and it was distressing in a completely unfamiliar way. When he had too many emotions, he couldn’t pay attention, and his lack of awareness scared him more than these feelings. And the worst part was that he was actually _feeling_ fear. He decided he hated it—that panicking, flighty feeling in his chest and the increased rate of sweat along with how his mind wouldn’t function properly made him feel helpless. In short, he had no idea what he was feeling or why he was feeling it, nor what had caused him to feel in the first place. And all of that caused him to feel more fear.

He flipped onto his stomach, groaning. He couldn’t stop _thinking_. All he wanted to do was shut out his turbulent thoughts and go to sleep, hoping for a blessed relief in his dreams. But, of course, he couldn’t sleep, and he couldn’t even leave his room. “Lavi” was the last thing on his mind. He had no idea what persona he was in now, or if he was his regular self—whoever that was—and it would confuse everyone if he went out acting like a thoughtful zombie. He was supposed to be “fun and frivolous.” The war would have realistically added some seriousness to his persona, and he had, of course, compensated for that, but going out as he was now was out of the question. He supposed he could go over to Yuu’s room, but that was also out, as he had no idea how he would handle being around the other man when he was so confused. Lenalee would have listened, but she had no idea about his personas. For the millionth time that day, Lavi wished for Bookman. He would’ve known exactly what to say to Lavi, to help him get through this. But the man, as he often reminded himself, was dead. He could not help Lavi ever again. Lavi felt strange. _Again with the damn feelings!_ He growled in his head. Something felt weird. He put a hand to his left cheek and realized he was crying. The last time he had cried was… he couldn’t remember. There had been only two times when he’d come close to really crying, and that had been when they’d thought Allen was dead and when Lenalee’s Innocence had broken on the ship to Edo. _Why am I crying?_ He asked himself. He didn’t know if he was expecting an answer or not, but it didn’t matter, because he didn’t get one.

\---

Lavi was forced to leave his room by his growling stomach. It had been three days since their return, and he hadn’t been able to pull himself together enough to leave the room. Lenalee had stopped by the morning after their return, asking after him, but he had thrown on his unstable Lavi persona long enough to get her to go away. She’d returned a few times since, but he was always able to get her to leave. He wasn’t sure if she would barge in, so after her third visit, he’d locked his door. The next time she’d visited, she had tried the knob, but she didn’t comment on it.

He walked the familiar halls to the dining hall in a daze. He didn’t meet many people in the halls on his way down, but that was a very bad omen. It meant that there were probably a lot of people at lunch. Sure enough, as he walked into the large room, he saw nearly half the Science Department, at least fifty Finders, and several Exorcists, some of whom he hadn’t seen before. Ignoring everyone else, no longer caring that he was acting grossly out of character, he went up to the window and ordered himself a simple soup and a slice of bread. He wasn’t sure how much he could keep down, especially since he hadn’t eaten in a while. He grabbed his tray as soon as it was loaded and went to sit in a secluded corner, ignoring Amanda’s calls and waves. He just couldn’t deal with her—or anyone—right now.

Lavi ate slowly, not finishing his soup until long after it had gone cold. He looked around out of habit as he dumped his tray on the dish line. Everyone was gone, save for a few stragglers or snacking workers. He was glad of it. He was too weak, mentally, to even hold a conversation with another person. No doubt Bookman would have his head for this—

Growling, Lavi struggled to keep back tears. Again. Why the hell did he need to cry, anyway? He tried, somewhat successfully this time, to push his emotions away. It took a long time, and he was passing a random room when he realized something. That was the room he had kissed Yuu in all those years ago (though it still felt like weeks to him). Shaking his head at his stupid thought, he made to move on when he heard something interesting.

Kissing noises.

Curiosity piqued on something besides his turbulent emotions for the first time in days, Lavi looked into the room through the halfway open door. His eye widened a little as he saw Amanda and Darcy in a very compromising position. Darcy had Amanda pinned against the stone wall and had a hand sliding up her shirt. Lavi watched, transfixed, as Darcy moved his lips to Amanda’s neck. She moaned softly, her breathing increasing in quick hitches as Darcy nibbled her neck tenderly. Sighing, she pulled his face to hers, and their lips met again. Amanda moaned again as Darcy’s hand reached its goal. She reached her hand up to touch the man’s face and whispered breathily, “I love you, Mr. Darcy.” There was no trace of the fake accent she usually used when referring to him as Jane Austen’s character.

Lavi’s heart skipped a beat. No one had ever said that to him, not Bookman, or the parents he couldn’t remember, or anyone else. He fell forward in his distraction, crashing to the ground rather loudly.

Amanda gasped at the noise, and Darcy pulled back with alarming speed. The girl fixed her clothes hurriedly, staring, horrified, at Lavi the entire time.

“S-sorry, guys!” He said, desperately seeking “Lavi.” “I didn’t mean to be a voyeur!”

Darcy snorted but was otherwise petrified in place.

“Are you alright, Lavi?” Amanda asked worriedly, her voice still a little thin from her… previous activities.

Lavi wondered what his face looked like. Amanda could be dense, so whatever emotion was on his face must have been very blatant. “Yeah—yeah, I’m fine. Sorry guys!” He said as he picked himself up and rushed from the room.

He made it all of three steps when someone grabbed his forearm and swung him into the wall.

\---

Yuu had been feeling very anxious for the past few days. Not only had his dreams been getting steadily worse, but Lenalee had asked him to keep an eye on Lavi because she was worried. The only problem was that the other Exorcist had been conspicuously absent since their return. He hadn’t even come for meals, and that worried Yuu. Lavi, no matter which persona, never skipped meals. Yuu wondered if perhaps the man had a terminal illness. It would certainly explain his strange behavior of late. Yuu found himself hoping that wasn’t the case and stopped himself short. No, that was ridiculous. Of course he didn’t mind if Lavi died. He’d only regret the fact that he’d lost a comrade on the battlefield. Personally, though, he would most likely be very happy to have the annoying nuisance out of the way. He was only confused because the man had been acting so strangely lately.

He continued on his way to Lavi’s room, intending to use Mugen to cut through the lock. If Lavi was going to be an idiot, he would have to be an idiot who _didn’t_ make people worry. Sighing in annoyance, he activated his Innocence. There was a clicking noise, and the knob turned. Realizing Lavi was finally going to emerge; Yuu stepped back and deactivated Mugen. He ran a few paces down the hall, hoping Lavi wouldn’t notice him loitering there. But then, he could just act as if he was going to his room, which, by some cosmic accident, Lavi had ended up next to.

He watched as the racial mutt of an Exorcist walked—no, stumbled—from his room. Yuu gaped. It wasn’t Lavi he was looking at. The redhead in front of him wobbled unsteadily down the hall, swaying with each step. He looked as if he were in a daze, and if Yuu looked at him from the front, he wouldn’t have been surprised if the other man’s eye was as vacant as the walk suggested. He followed slowly, careful to keep his steps quiet. He didn’t trust Lavi to be less observant than usual, even if he seemed distracted. For all Yuu knew, Lavi’s distraction could just be another act, used to make others open up around him more. Yuu would have believed that, but the way the man almost ran into others as he rocked down the hallways made him reconsider. Indeed, the man absently ordered a thin soup and some bread before unsteadily carrying his tray to the farthest, darkest corner of the dining hall. He faced the wall as he ate painstakingly slowly. It took him nearly two hours to finish. Yuu would have been seething by that point, but as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was really worried for the other man. He wondered what had happened to make him act so… out of it. It must have been something drastic, because from all his experience, the other man was very strong, both physically and mentally.

As the redhead staggered out of the room and down the hall, Yuu walked quietly behind him again. Halfway down the corridor, the man paused, swaying epically, and turned to a door. Yuu wondered why he stopped at the empty room with the half-open door. But Lavi seemed very interested, staring blatantly inside. Yuu wanted to know what was in the room, if there was anything, but he refused to make his presence known to Lavi. Desperately hoping something was in there, Yuu watched Lavi stare for several minutes. Then, he keeled forward, knocking the door open as he fell. Yuu’s heart lurched, and he ran forward. He stopped when Lavi spoke. At first, it didn’t sound quite like Lavi, but the more he spoke, the more it sounded like him, and that made Yuu feel relieved.

“S-sorry, guys!” Lavi said quickly. He paused, and after a moment, he added. “I didn’t mean to be a voyeur!” By the end of that sentence, Lavi’s voice was almost back to normal. Yuu was glad.

He heard a snort, and Yuu realized for the first time that there had, indeed, been something—or rather some _one_ —in that room. His heart felt light with relief.

“Are you alright, Lavi?” Came the Infernal Girl’s voice. Yuu gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to deal with that particular idiot right now, not when he was already dealing with one.

“Yeah—Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry guys!” Lavi half-shouted. He sounded almost… panicked. Yuu got a glimpse of Lavi’s face as he fled the room. It was the strangest thing Yuu had ever seen. His green eye was wide with shock, and it held a confusion so deep that Yuu felt dizzy just glimpsing it. He seemed extremely pale, and his face was the most bizarre combination of panic and fear. Abruptly, Yuu felt his legs move underneath him in long, powerful strides. He reached Lavi when he was only two or so meters from the room and grabbed his forearm. Using the man’s arm as a pivot point, Yuu swung the other man into the wall. He felt bad at the unintentional grunt Lavi made as he impacted the hard stone, but he quickly got over it.

“You’re not fucking fine,” he hissed. Lavi’s eye went, if possible, wider, and he looked more panicked than ever, like a wild animal caught in a hunter’s trap. He struggled to get away, but Yuu refused to let him go, keeping his hands as tight as vices around the other man’s upper arms.

“Oooh!” A voice with an awful, nasal American accent said softly. “You two were gonna use that room. Sorry, guys!” He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. She sounded remorseful, but Yuu was sure from the state of her rumpled clothes and disheveled hair that she wasn’t. Darcy stepped out from the room, sporting a full-facial blush at being caught with the idiot American. Yuu looked back at Lavi, and nearly choked on his breath at the sight before him. Lavi was limp under his grip, his head resting listlessly against the wall. His eye was darker than usual and as blank as a brand-new slate. Yuu recoiled immediately, and Lavi slumped to the ground. He blinked as he hit the floor and then, with surprising energy, ran off in the direction of his quarters. Yuu turned to the two rumpled Exorcists and glared, shooting mind-bullets at them.

“You don’t know what the _fuck_ you just did,” he said. Turning on his heel, Yuu ran after the stupid redhead, hoping he’d be able to catch him up.

\---

Lavi locked the door behind him again and collapsed against it. His knees gave out, and he slid until he hit the floor painfully. Why had that shaken him so much? He’d seen people in love before, and he’d never been so affected. One of his aliases had even been a love-struck young man, so he was intimately aware of the presence of love. But he’d never felt it, and no one had felt it for him. Not in the way Amanda felt for Darcy. No one had ever truly cared for him, and for some reason, that cut at him like no knife could.

A while later—he didn’t know how long—a sharp knock came on the door.

“Go away,” Lavi said, trying to sound annoyed. It came out as a little sob. His cheeks felt wet, and he realized he was crying again. A worried voice drifted through the thick wood door.

“Lavi, we have to meet Smith—we’re having a meeting.” It was Lenalee. Lavi tried to ignore it. He didn’t want to deal with anyone until he had sorted out what the hell was going on in his head.

“Just go without me,” he choked out through his tears.

“Lavi, are – are you okay?”

“Fine,” he grunted out. He wiped his face in his new green shirt and stood up. He unlocked the door and faced Lenalee. To his surprise, Allen and Kanda were standing by the rail, clearly waiting for him. No one commented on his appearance, and they let him walk slightly behind them.

He wasn’t sure if he could get through the meeting, but for the sake of appearances, he would try. Grabbing “Lavi’s” presence in his mind, he tried again to put his mask back on. This time, the persona simply wouldn’t come. He clenched his fists hard enough to draw blood, but he didn’t care. Pain made him conscious of the fact that he was still there, in the corridor, and not stuck in the confines of his confused mind.

They reached Smith’s office without him noticing, something that distressed his Bookman mind but which Lavi didn’t particularly care about. For some reason, he was feeling emotions, and they wouldn’t go away. He was so confused by them, never having actually felt them before. He reached out for the unfeeling numbness he had learned to cherish, but he couldn’t find it, and every time he thought he had caught it, it danced mockingly out of his grasp.

“I believe that I’ve forgotten to tell you the current circumstances,” he heard Smith say from far away. His voice was fuzzy, as if he was underwater.

Lavi was drowning, drowning in emotions so foreign that his unfeeling mind could not comprehend them. It made him feel sick and desperate for a breath of clarity. There was that strange jealousy of Amanda and Darcy’s relationship, his bizarre attraction to Yuu, that other feeling that accompanied his attraction, an unfamiliar relaxed sensation he felt around Lenalee and Allen, and the painful ache that came to his chest when he thought of Bookman.

“Yes. Obviously, from Kanda’s report of his mission, Road is still alive—” Oh yeah, Allen was there. His voice was fuzzy, too. Lavi felt something sweep over him, that relaxing thing that Allen’s presence caused. He was drowning in that now, and as long as Allen talked, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t hear, couldn’t function.

He heard a different voice respond. And then Allen’s voice was back. Lavi forced himself to concentrate.

“Yes, the Earl has been spotted numerous times across the globe.” Had he missed Allen again? But what was that about the Earl? Hadn’t Allen killed the bastard? The world outside was making as little sense as his inner world, and he couldn’t fight free of either.

“So, we simply need to kill the Earl. Don’t fail again, _Moyashi._ ” Sweet, crisp clarity spread through Lavi’s world, and the office began to make sense again. There was Smith, sitting pompously at his desk. Allen—heavily bandaged, but looking for all the world like a General--stood, back ramrod straight, next to Lenalee, who stood with the same posture. Kanda was next to him, shoulder nearly touching his. Miranda was not in his immediate view, but he heard a very feminine exhale to his right and realized she must be on his blind side.

“I didn’t fail!” Allen shouted back, but the lucidity of Lavi’s world was lost as Kanda’s voice ceased.

“But Road and the Earl aren’t our only immediate threats.” There was that deep, pompous voice. Lavi felt… was that anger? Why?

“ _Che_.” Relief spread through him. “There’s more?” He blinked in awareness, and this time he clung desperately to the anchor that Kanda’s voice had become. He felt something warm on his hand and realized he was grasping Kanda’s. The man’s eyes widened in shock, and he glared over at Lavi. He shook his hand free, scoffing. Lavi wondered vaguely why he hadn’t yelled or ran him through with Mugen, but he couldn’t find an answer, as his lifeline had snapped and he was once more carried into the turbulent waters of his psyche.

“Yes. We’ve discerned the presence of two other Noahs. There’s an American—” Lavi floundered for a moment as he heard Kanda scoff again “—named Chaz Gaffigan. He’s Noah’s Strength. The other one is Noah’s Health, or the Healer. We believe her to be a simply defensive Noah, as she’s never attacked before. No personal information about her is known, except that she appeared around the time the Earl was defeated in the late 1800s. There is a possibility of another Noah, but that is, as yet, unconfirmed.”

Conversation followed. It was long, and Lavi could only stare blankly at the Director’s desk. The words all went over his head, like it was he who was underwater. If only he could break the surface, he could understand what they were saying. But the longer he was in the office, the deeper he seemed to sink, until he could hear nothing at all, save for the soft silence one hears at the bottom of the ocean.

The words stopped, and he was moving. He barely registered others moving with him, and he didn’t want that. He stopped walking, and they kept moving forward. Ducking into another hallway, he walked without purpose until he reached his room. He tested the knob. It was unlocked, which was not altogether strange in the Order. People weren’t kleptomaniacs here like they were everywhere else. Personal items stayed where they were placed, and no one simply barged into another’s room, especially that of an Exorcist. He turned the knob and walked in, the door creaking as it moved. He wondered why. His door had been oiled recently, so it shouldn’t be squeaking, and yet it was. The sound acted as a line, pulling him up out of his daze like a fish on a hook.

This wasn’t his room. At least, it wasn’t his room anymore. It was the room he and Bookman had resided in. All the bookcases and all the furniture was covered in a fine layer of dust. His desk stood perpendicular to the head of his bed, just as it had so many years before. His bed was still covered in the blue sheets he had used, though they were now faded with time. A thin layer of dust covered them, too. Only the bedspread showed that this room had once been inhabited. Not even Lavi’s personal books had been left, and he sincerely hoped they’d been put in the library. He wanted them back. His heart clenched suddenly. It was as if Bookman had never existed, and somewhere along the line, Lavi’s presence had become as tangible as a regular person’s—as if Bookman had left him behind.

He scoured the room for any presence of the man, but even the slight, peppery smell of the man’s soap had disappeared. Lavi’s chest felt heavy, so he let himself drop.

_I… cared,_ he thought. _I didn’t realize it, but I cared. That man was like a father to me, and I didn’t even notice._

That had to be the explanation, because he missed the man. He, Lavi, _missed_ Bookman. And he was resentful for the fact that the man was dead, that he would never see him again, never tease or mock him, never be under his guidance, never learn from him…

Fresh, salty tears poured down his cheeks, and Lavi cursed himself for being so damned _emotional._ He decided he’d lie on his bed. At least it was comfortable. Flopping down face-first, something crumpled under his head. He stopped crying for a moment and pulled himself up. Underneath him, on his pillow, was a very yellowed piece of paper with faded ink. It was folded in half, and Lavi knew, even without his name written on the front, that it was for him. It was on his bed, after all, and it was in Bookman’s handwriting. Carefully, he unfolded the note, holding it gingerly as he read.

_Lavi—_

_As you are currently encased in your Innocence and seem to have no reason to wake, I have decided to move on. The Earl is vanquished for now, and, as always, there is another war. I have decided to take on a new apprentice, and in so doing, I release you from your duties as heir to Bookman. He is a former Finder, only twenty years of age, and seems dedicated to the cause. If you awaken and I am no longer of this world, know this: you were a good apprentice._

The letter was not signed. It did not need to be. Lavi folded it carefully over and laid it back on his pillow. He couldn’t stay in this room; it was suffocating. But he couldn’t seem to make his body move. His movements were sluggish, and it took him long moments to stumble through the still open door. He needed somewhere to be alone, somewhere that was his. Before he knew where he was going, he was headed in the direction of his new room. He took all of two steps before his legs began to feel weak. He was nothing. He had nothing. There was no purpose. But no—he had a purpose. He needed to get to his room. He rocked forward, and one foot tread slowly in front of the other, and then the other followed it. His side hit the wall, and he was grateful for the support it gave him. He was glad for the Exorcist jacket he was wearing—it didn’t rip easily. He continued on his way, one agonizing step after another, hoping no one would see him.

He passed something white and hoped it wasn’t Allen. He kept moving lethargically, side scraping against the wall. He stumbled and fell, but he still had a purpose. He didn’t remember what it was, but it was important. He walked on.

He passed something red. It stopped moving, but he didn’t. He needed something, and it was in this direction. All he had to do was reach it…

There was his door. That’s what he needed, that was his purpose. He opened it, and the noise his mind was making fell away. It was just him. Him. Who was he? He stared at his hands, and they looked particularly pale against the burnt orange rug underneath his feet. He was orange. Orange and pale. And green. But only a little bit of green. There had been more green once, but it was gone now. Why?

Oh, he had been with Bookman. Bookman, his mentor, his caretaker, his… but _who was he?_ He didn’t know. He had no purpose, no reason, no _self._ There was nothing to him. He didn’t even have a name, a set identity. His knees felt weak, so he let himself fall. He hit his fists on the carpeted ground, but he felt nothing. He crawled forward to the gray stone. He sat on the edge of his shag rug, and he pounded his fists again. Pain. There was pain. That was something he was could feel, something he was _allowed_ to feel. It was a personal thing. And right now, his heart hurt. And his head—that hurt, too. But it was not a pain that could go away. It just pulsed on steadily, not caring that it hurt him. He wanted pain that was different from that _ache_. He desperately needed something that would hurt sharply, like being run through with a sword. Or being crushed with a hammer. Yes, that sounded better. Maybe his hands could be the hammer—or rather two hammers—and they could make the ground hurt, too. He would feel better, maybe, if something else hurt, too. He smashed his fists to the ground, and it hurt him. But it was a welcome pain, made him feel like he was really _there_ , that he was _alive,_ that he _existed._

And slowly, shaking and pounding his fists on the floor, alone and safe in the confines of his room, Lavi broke.


	7. Drifting

Chapter 6—Drifting

__June 21, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

Somehow, they had lost Lavi. Yuu had allowed him to walk behind them, and now he was regretting the decision. He had followed them to the meeting, but that was where he had begun to act far stranger than he had been earlier. His eye was as vacant as it had been earlier in the day, if not worse. It was lifeless and flat, and Yuu was starting to wonder what was going on in the annoying Exorcist’s head. He had seemed to come around a bit every once in a while, his eye sparking with life for just a moment before his features went slack again. Once, he had grabbed Yuu’s hand in both of his. Yuu had not been able to do more than shake the other man off. He was afraid that anything he said would break the other man. But after he’d removed his hand with a light “tch,” the man had gone, if possible, even limper. It was as if he was a zombie, unfeeling and unliving.

Yuu had been stupid to think the redhead would keep following them. He had known for a long time that “Lavi” was not real, and he had always wondered what would happen if “Lavi” disappeared. He should have known that Lavi would have wanted solitude. In many ways, Lavi was similar to him. He never liked to show weakness, and the presence of others was too distracting, especially when trying to keep oneself together. Yuu knew that feeling intimately. The intoxicating idea of just letting others comfort you was almost too hard to ignore, but then people would ask what was wrong. And that would be bad.

What struck him the most was Lavi’s face as they had left the Director’s office. He knew that face too. He knew it so well that he couldn’t help but remember when he had made that face.

_Yuu’s uneven, short hair stuck out at odd angles, and Yuu found himself loathing it as much as did that man. He had been sitting in the living room, reading, when he felt a sharp tug at the back of his head. The smell of alcohol assaulted him. It was too early for the man to be home, but defying all logic, there he was. Yuu fought the urge to run—he needed to protect her._

_“You look like a girl,” the man thundered. Yuu looked around and gasped in horror as the man pulled out a sharp kitchen knife from behind his back. “That’s a problem. Men shouldn’t be girly like you.”_

_He pulled hard on Yuu’s hair, ripping it out at the scalp. Yuu whimpered. He knew how bad it was to scream._

_“Don’t snivel like a girl, Yuu-chan,” the man growled. He brought the knife up to Yuu’s scalp and began to cut, not caring if he nicked Yuu’s skin or not. Yuu nearly vomited as he saw a lump of skin and hair fall to the ground at his feet. Blood began to drip into his eyes, and behind him the man kept hacking away at his head. Suddenly, the man stopped and kicked Yuu to the floor. Yuu knew what was following and braced himself…._

_Looking at his foul hair in mirror, Yuu tried to ignore his lifeless eyes and slack face. He did not smile. He hadn’t smiled in a long time. The bathroom door opened behind him. She walked in, carrying a pair of scissors. Yuu tried to hide his flinch._ She _would not hurt him._

_“Here, Yuu, let me fix your hair,” she said, and he did. He didn’t even complain when she used a cloth covered in alcohol to sterilize his blood-crusted scalp._

Blood. That’s what Yuu smelled. Without realizing it, he had walked to his room. He had his hand on the knob, but the smell of blood was distracting him. He wasn’t injured, and when he scanned the rest of the corridor, it was empty. Then, a screeching, keening sob cut through the nearby air. Yuu’s head snapped in the direction of the sound so fast his neck cracked. Cursing and rubbing the spot, he listened for where the sound was coming from. There was a pounding noise, soft and rhythmic, and it was coming from the room next to his.

Yuu’s heart froze. Lavi’s room. The door was still open, and he rushed to it, not caring about appearances. It didn’t matter that he was acting like he cared, nor did it matter that he actually did. He ran to the door and pushed it opened. The smell of blood mounted, but he ignored it like he did the stench of burning Akuma.

Yuu stopped short, rooted to the ground like a thousand-year-old tree. Lavi was there, his red hair plastered to his head with sweat. He was hunched and on his knees at the far end of his distasteful rug. His hands were coated in blood, and there were flecks of the viscous red fluid on his bed and around him. Yuu walked further into the room and saw two large, red pools on the stone floor in front of Lavi’s hands. And Lavi himself was a sight Yuu wanted to forget. His entire body was shaking with the force of his sobs. They were great, screeching cries that echoed loudly off the walls of the small room. Lavi pulled his misshapen right hand up to pummel it once more on the hard ground, and Yuu found himself moving so fast that it felt like he was floating. He dropped down behind Lavi and caught his right arm before his broken, blood-covered hand struck the ground again. Wrapping his other arm around Lavi’s left arm and chest, he pulled the shattered man backward into him.

The change was instantaneous. It was as if Lavi had still had some sense of composure while on the ground, and it was now gone. The man simply collapsed in Yuu’s arms, sobbing loudly, draining out a lifetime of grief and pain. He fisted his ruined hands in the rough, thick fabric of Yuu’s Exorcist jacket. Not knowing what to do, Yuu pulled him as close as possible and rocked back and forth.

The sun had long since set when Lavi finally lapsed into sleep. It wasn’t restful, though, from what Yuu could see. The other man was still quivering in his arms, and any time Yuu shifted, he would cry out. Yuu’s legs were all pins and needles beneath him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care whenever that pitying noise slipped out from the other man’s throat.

He heard a sound from the doorway and turned to look, eliciting another whimper from Lavi. He pulled the man tighter to his chest and let his eyes adjust to the light that entered the room from the doorway. After a moment, he recognized the figure as Lenalee. Yuu was secretly glad. He didn’t know how he would have dealt with anyone else seeing this. He didn’t want people seeing him—or especially Lavi—like this.

“I – I couldn’t sleep, and I came to see if Lavi was okay,” Lenalee said quietly. Lavi stirred at the sound of his name but then settled further into Yuu’s arms.

“Close the door and come back in the morning,” Yuu said, keeping his voice even. It wasn’t hard to sound like his usual self—he had practiced staying emotionless for years. Lenalee seemed to understand that Yuu wasn’t trying to be rude and nodded before doing as she was asked. He heard her footsteps as she walked away. He also heard her come back a few hours later. She didn’t knock on the door, and Yuu had the feeling that she was sitting vigil outside, making sure no one disturbed them. For some reason, he was glad.

Lavi finally fell into a deep sleep sometime near dawn, and Yuu was glad to finally be able to move. His legs had long since gone numb. He lifted Lavi onto the bed without standing; he didn’t want to fall over with the man in his arms. As he moved to get up, he came to the shocking conclusion that he couldn’t, and he waited for long minutes as his blood made its way back down to his legs. It was uncomfortable, but he could put up with far worse than that—he knew that from experience. Fighting away the memory, he pulled up Lavi’s desk chair and sat in it. He didn’t sleep, just held Lavi’s hand (that was not his choice. Whenever he tried to pull away, the redhead would do that deplorable whimpering thing) until the sun was high in the sky.

Yuu was grateful when Lenalee returned. She knocked once before coming in. She stood in the doorway, looking at Lavi. Her eyes were wide as she saw the blood stains on the ground, and she gasped when she took in his horrifyingly disfigured hands. Yuu waited for her to say something, but it seemed that her voice was caught in her throat.

“Lenalee,” he whispered, his voice hoarse from exhaustion, “get a doctor.” He paused for a second, then added, “and food.” She nodded and left, closing the door behind her.

Lavi still slept when she returned with one of the Order’s doctors. The man gasped when he saw Lavi’s hands.

“We need to bring him to hospital immediately,” the British doctor said urgently. Yuu activated his Innocence and pointed it at the man’s throat.

“He doesn’t leave this room, _wakatta?_ ” Yuu hissed menacingly. The doctor stepped back.

“Please understand, he could lose the ability to move his hands if we don’t fix the problem now.”

Hot fear flowed like lava down to his stomach, where it pooled uncomfortably. Lavi would never forgive him if he didn’t listen. He deactivated his Innocence, and the blade disappeared from his hand. He then moved to pick up Lavi, but the doctor put a hand on his shoulder.

“He shouldn’t be jostled. I’ll call for a gurney.” He pulled out what Yuu had learned to be a phone, and he dialed a number. Within moments, he was speaking rapid English that contained too many words that Yuu didn’t know to feel comfortable. Lenalee walked up next to him and put a comforting hand on his arm. He allowed the contact and stood perfectly still as another two doctors walked in with the gurney. They moved Lavi carefully. Yuu watched as they pushed the gurney out, and then, remembering himself, ran after it. He wouldn’t leave Lavi while he was in such a state. From the sound of the boots running behind him, Lenalee wasn’t leaving Lavi, either. She really was too caring to be an Exorcist.

He stayed at Lavi’s side as he was x-rayed, and he never left it.

\--- 

He was drifting. There was nothing around him, but he drifted around in it anyway. The nothingness felt good, especially since lately, there had been a strange throbbing from somewhere. He didn’t know how long he had been drifting, but it felt good, so he kept doing it. In the distance, he heard someone say something, but he didn’t pay attention; it wasn’t important. All he needed to do was just keep drifting like this, drifting forever. He had no reason to stop.

\---

_June 28, 2013—The Dark Order, Hospital Wing_

Sitting stiffly in the uncomfortable wooden chair, Yuu watched Lavi breathe deeply in and out. He clenched his fists in anger at the worry he was feeling. He tried to beat it down, but it wouldn’t go away. He heard a sharp knock at the door. Smith barged in without waiting for an answer.

“Why didn’t you come to my office when you were called?” the Director asked loudly. Yuu glared at him. He knew, logically, that Lavi was still under anesthetics and wouldn’t wake, but it still felt wrong to yell in a sickroom.

“I was busy,” he responded flatly, returning his gaze to the sleeping redhead.

“Doing what?”

“Watching,” he retorted, not bothering to look at the preposterous man again.

“Well, I have a mission for you,” the man blustered.

“Well, I won’t be going.”

“Yes, you will,” the man ground out in a voice Yuu was sure was meant to make the recipient quail and bow down to the man’s commands. Normally, he would have accepted the mission immediately, but something about the thought of leaving Lavi disturbed him greatly.

“No,” he said in a tone that left no room for negotiation. “I won’t.”

“You’re an Exorcist under my command; you’re going to go,” Smith commanded.

“No. I won’t.” This time, there was no response, and the man’s face turned almost purple with rage before he turned and stormed from the hospital room.

The redhead stirred lightly and sighed, and the movement brought the man’s heavily bandaged hands to Yuu’s mind. The doctors had managed to reconstruct them, for the most part. However, it seemed that Lavi would probably never recover completely from the injuries. He had shattered both of his hands almost beyond repair, and the doctors were forced to replace the bone with metal. Yuu wondered what he would do about fighting. An Exorcist who could not grasp his Innocence was as useless as a Finder in the middle of a battle, and everyone knew the mortality rate of Finders. Yuu shuddered without meaning to and hoped Lavi would take to the physical therapy eagerly.

There was a light tap on the door, and Yuu grunted. A moment later, the door opened, and the British doctor entered, carrying a clipboard.

“It’s been a week since the surgery, and you expressed interest in wanting to return him to his room?” The doctor asked, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Yuu nodded, waiting patiently for the answer. When the doctor realized Yuu wasn’t going to give a verbal response, he added, “I think it will be fine as long as a doctor comes down to check on him a few times a day. It’s not like he’s going very far, and we need the bed—there was a Noah attack, and many of our Finders are in a bad way.”

Yuu nodded and continued to watch Lavi as the doctor went on about Noah’s Strength.

\---

_July 1, 2013—The Dark Order, Lavi’s Room_

Yuu heard the whispers outside the room.

“Suicide attempt?” One girl clad in an Exorcist jacket asked.

“Most likely,” another person responded. “I mean, his hands were covered in blood, weren’t they?”

“Yeah. I saw that girly guy with him, the one Amanda calls Yuu-pyon—” Yuu almost left the room to kill the girl. Almost. But he didn’t want Lavi to make that horrible noise again, as he had every time Yuu left to do the necessities. Even though he had Lenalee stay with Lavi at those times, the redhead Exorcist did not stop his keening whine until Yuu had returned. He had been asleep for three weeks and two days. The doctors had said his mind was fine, but that whatever trauma he had suffered was keeping him from waking. Unconsciousness was a way for the body to cope with immense distress, and Lavi would wake when he was ready to face the real world again. Still, that had not stopped Yuu from being incredibly worried. He usually tried not to care, but for some reason, all his efforts in that area were lost when it came to Lavi. He couldn’t leave the man, not when he was so horribly broken. Yuu knew that he wouldn’t have survived everything if he hadn’t had _her_ with him, to comfort him and heal him. He was infuriated with himself as he was drawn into another disturbing memory. They had been happening so frequently lately, after years of almost nothing, and that bothered him.

_Yuu had fallen asleep outside her door again. He was jarred into consciousness by a sharp kick to the head. Looking up groggily, Yuu felt his heart falter at the sight of the large man above him. The man’s foot was raised as if to deliver another kick, but instead, it dropped swiftly onto Yuu’s outstretched arm, snapping it like a twig. This time, he screamed out._

_“_ Iie _!” He cried, his voice ripping from his throat._

_“Don’t scream like a fucking girl!” the man shouted, grinding his foot down on the broken bone. Yuu saw stars, and he moaned and screamed again._

_“_ Otou-san, yamero _!” He shouted, but of course, the man didn’t stop. Later, when a doctor came to visit,_ she _held his hand silently as they pulled the bone back into place. His father had told the doctor that he had fallen from a tree. Thus began Yuu’s reputation as Kanda Yasuo’s clumsy son._

Yuu woke to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. A comforting warmth was next to him, and he exhaled peacefully as he pulled the warmth closer.

He froze. Whatever was next to him was stirring gently, making short, light groaning noises as it did so. He cracked an eye open and then threw himself back as quickly as possible. He fell off the bed, hitting the orange shag rug hard.

“Gyaaa!” He shouted. When had he ended up next to Lavi? When had he ended up _in bed, under the covers, shirtless,_ with _Lavi?_ He had fallen asleep in the _chair!_

Lavi groaned and opened his eye. He looked around until he saw Yuu and then asked in a cracked whisper—probably because he couldn’t make any more noise—“did you just… ‘kya?’” His quiet voice was astonished.

“No,” Yuu replied coldly, adamantly. “I did not. I said ‘gya,’ not ‘kya.’ There’s a difference between—wait, you’re awake?” His eyes widened in amazement.

“Of course. It’s morning; why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve been asleep for the past three and a half weeks, and you ask why you wouldn’t—”

Yuu stopped speaking. Lavi had collapsed back down and was now staring vacantly into space. _At least he’s awake,_ Yuu thought. But somehow, that thought wasn’t as comforting as it should have been.

\---

He was cold, cold and … warm? There was noise in the room, a small cackle. _Sleep tight,_ said a voice he recognized but couldn’t place. For some reason, the color white came to mind, and he felt warm in his stomach, like he was being comforted and relaxed. Then something was very close to him, and after a while, something warm and heavy settled around his waist. Something pressed very close to his body, and it felt very good and very warm. He wasn’t drifting anymore, and he was sad at the lack of nothingness. He wanted it back, but it was okay if it was gone while he was so warm like this. He let himself bask in it, like it was the sun and he was on a very warm beach somewhere. Maybe the beach was covered in rocks, surrounded by crystal blue water that rippled with waves. He wanted to stay in it all day. Yes, it was day now, because the inside of his eyelid was orange from sunlight beating down on him. A strange noise came from next to him, and a light breeze hit his chest. The warmth shifted next to him. The sun was moving. One of its rays slid quickly away from his waist, and he fought to open his eye, to find it and make it come back. Because now he was getting cold, and he didn’t like that. Cold reminded him of things he didn’t want to remember. Cold reminded him of lots of people who he knew but weren’t real. How many of them were there? Oh yes, forty-nine.

“Gyaaa!” That was a very strange noise. It was choked, and it moved away at the same trajectory his sun had. Why was the sun talking, yelling? He pried his eye open and was shocked by the clarity of the world outside him. It was too detailed, too bright, too much for him to handle. But he wondered what had happened to his sun, so he looked around. There was someone he knew on the ground, a long-haired man with pale golden skin and deep, remarkable dark eyes that showed nothing of what he was truly feeling. He was bare-chested, and Lavi noticed the clear-cut muscles of his chest and his stomach. And there was the Sanskrit tattoo that Lavi knew was connected to his lotus flower.

“Did you just… ‘kya?’” He asked, surprised that this man would make such a cutesy, girly noise. It was not in character for him to say that.

“No,” the man—Yuu, yes, it was Yuu—replied, a defiant tone in his beautiful, deep voice that always sounded like butter to Lavi. “I did not. I said ‘gya,’ not ‘kya.’ There’s a difference between—wait, you’re awake?” His voice changed to a tone of complete shock as his eyes widened.

“Of course. It’s morning; why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve been—” but he didn’t hear anything more, because he couldn’t remember _who_ he was. Was he Lavi? But that didn’t make sense, because Lavi was the forty-ninth person he knew that wasn’t real. But at the same time, was he Lavi? Was that what he used to refer to himself? Who _was_ he? The world’s clarity faded, and he tried to discern just who and what he was. He was an Exorcist. He remembered that—that was a good start. What else was he? He knew he was not a Bookman, and thinking about that made his chest very cold and painful, like the sun’s presence hadn’t been there at all. He knew that his sun was very important to him, more important than he wanted to admit to himself, so he wouldn’t. Carefully, he sorted his thoughts, putting his Exorcist identity in one corner of his mind. His not-Bookman identity went into the far corner, where it wouldn’t hurt quite so much, and he put the sun in the corner right at the front of his mind. It made him warm and comfortable. But there was still so much he didn’t know about himself. He didn’t have a purpose for his life, but as an Exorcist, he had a purpose to live for at the moment. There was a name he called himself. It was number forty-nine. Lavi. He supposed that he should put that in the fourth corner of his mind. Besides, wasn’t that what the sun referred to him as? Always calling him by number forty-nine’s name. And he liked his sun, wanted it to stay, so he kept that name to appease it. He would be called Lavi. He was sure number forty-nine wouldn’t mind, since number forty-nine wasn’t real. He heard no words of protest, so he firmly linked the name Lavi in the fourth and final corner of his mind. The corners made him feel safe, especially the corner with his sun. His chest didn’t feel so cold from thinking about Bookman anymore. It was warm, burning, like a flame heating his body from inside his heart.

But besides the name, there was nothing in the Lavi corner of his head. He needed to know who he was. He was a serious person, one who took his duties seriously. He also knew that at some point, he had had a fair amount of pride in his accomplishments, though he wasn’t sure what he had accomplished anymore. He decided to ask the forty-nine people who weren’t real. Perhaps they were all manifestations of himself, or of a part of him. Painstakingly, he began questioning number one. This would take a while, and he mentally prepared for it.

\---

_July 12, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

The doctor was in the room again, hooking Lavi up to an IV for nourishment. Yuu shuddered to think how thin the other man had become. It had been a week since Lavi had woken, and since then, Lavi had drifted in and out of consciousness. Or rather, he drifted between sleep and the trance-like state that he’d lapsed into after speaking briefly to Yuu that one morning. Nearly a month had passed since their return from the mission in the south of France, and while the other Exorcists had been on plenty of other missions, Yuu still steadfastly refused to leave Lavi’s side. He didn’t care if he had made an enemy of Smith, he was not leaving. Lavi reminded Yuu too much of himself, and as much as he tried to deny it, he wished that he had had someone to stay by his side the entire time. Yuu yawned; he hadn’t slept in three days, and all the sleep he had gotten before that hadn’t been restful in the least. His dreams were getting, if possible, worse. Every night, he was forced to watch his memories from before he was an Exorcist.

Lavi groaned, making the first sound he had in a long time. Yuu looked up from his position in Lavi’s desk chair. The redhead was stirring again, as he had been doing disturbingly often in the past few hours. He was giving Yuu false hope that he would wake soon. He noticed the doctor had left and was relieved, but just when Yuu was about to turn his attention back to the wood grain pattern in the desk, Lavi opened his eye.

He was staring despondently again. Getting up and stretching his aching joints, he walked up to Lavi’s bedside. He sat down on the bed, angled so that he was facing Lavi’s face. Reaching for the book Lenalee had brought him, that he had promptly put on the bedside, he decided to pass the time reading. Sighing, he opened the book to the first page. Yuu found himself drawn immediately into the story. He knew that Amanda had recommended he read this book and as much as he hated to admit it, it was interesting. He was having trouble understanding the thick description and meandering thought process of the author. He didn’t realize it, but he had begun to read it aloud in order to understand better. He also didn’t notice Lavi’s eye becoming more animated, as if he was actually listening for the first time in weeks.

“What’s this book about?” Lavi asked, his voice croaking from disuse. Yuu jumped and dropped the book. It hit the floor with a soft flopping noise.

“Lavi?” He asked tentatively.

“Yes?” The other man’s voice was far too chipper for Yuu to be certain he wasn’t dreaming.

Yuu blinked, “Slap me,” he ordered. Lavi raised his arm as if to comply, but stopped short, gaping at his heavily bandaged right hand.

“Eh?!” He exclaimed, “What the hell happened?” Yuu didn’t respond for a second.

“Do… you really not remember?” Lavi expression changed at once, becoming more conservative and nervously tried to pull on his earring before remembering his hands were bandaged.

“There was something about a sun.” he said, his voice hesitant and soft in a way Yuu had never heard Lavi speak before.

“ _Nani?_ ” Yuu asked, thoroughly confused.

“Yeah, there was sun, and it was keeping me warm, but then it went away. Then I was cold again.” Lavi’s speech was very clear, another thing Yuu had never heard before. It was like Lavi was carefully choosing his words, rather than just saying what he thought.

Lavi paused, closing his eye for a second. His face gained animation again. Opening his eye, he flashed Yuu a characteristic bright smile. “Hey Yuu-chan, I’m hungry, let’s go eat!” His voice was cheerful, boisterous, and it annoyed Yuu as much as it relieved him.

“ _Che,_ ” he scoffed, looking away and buying time by picking the book up from the ground. “You’re not allowed to have solid foods, but if you want some soup or something, I can go get you some.” He cursed inwardly at the caring showing through his voice. He turned around, cheeks blushing faintly. “Well, I’m hungry, so I’ll be back.” He didn’t want Lavi thinking he’d been there the whole time, but as he went to move, something hit the small of his back, as if making to grab his shirt tail. Turning quickly, he recoiled when he saw Lavi’s expression. The man’s eye was dark and _desperate_. His features were tight in what could only be described as acute panic.

“Don’t leave,” Lavi half-whispered, his voice strained with the sudden emotion. Yuu collapsed on the bed, and the last thing he remembered before sleep overpowered him was his head hitting the softness of Lavi’s green pillow.

_Immediately, he was back in the garden outside his house, just like he was every afternoon. His mother was with him, and he was making little wreaths for her hair out of the lotus flowers that stood proudly at the edge of their property. She laughed, her voice like chimes in the wind, and Yuu felt his heart lighten in joy. He loved making his mother laugh._

_“Yuu!” She called, and he ran to her immediately. “I have to go inside soon, but promise me you’ll stay outside, okay?”_

_Yuu nodded his acquiescence and gave his mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She winced slightly, and Yuu frowned. “Are you okay, okaa-san?”_

_She smiled comfortingly and stroked Yuu’s cheek. “I’m just fine, Yuu, I just slept funny last night.” Running her fingers through his shoulder-length hair, she stood up. Her hands trailed reluctantly from the ends of his hair, and she turned and walked gracefully back into the house, her light yukata rustling in the wind. Yuu watched her go, hoping his mother would be able to come back out to play with him later. He looked around for something to do, and he caught sight of the neighbor’s cat. He chased it around the backyard and took a lazy nap with it as the evening sun set. At last, his mother called him inside for dinner, and he went in willingly._

_They had sushi that night. Afterward, his mother ran him a bath. He heard the telltale sounds of his father returning home for the evening, and his mother left the room, presumably to greet his father. Yuu sighed. He hated it when he had to wash himself while his parents talked about their day. Today would be different—he decided that he would take a bath after his father had eaten his dinner._

_Walking to the kitchen, he was surprised when he heard a high whimper of pain. His heart raced with worry, and he threw the sliding door open. He gasped at the scene in front of him._

_His mother’s white yukata was ripped, and his mother was draped unceremoniously on top of the table. His father stood over her, his pants down by his ankles. His father brought up a hand and slapped his mother hard enough that her neck snapped to the left._

_Yuu was frozen, locked in the doorway. He watched, horrified, as his father pounded mercilessly into his mother. She didn’t make any more noise than small gasps of pain—that is, until she saw him in the doorway._

_“Yuu,” she whispered, her voice breaking. Tears formed in her eyes and fell down her face. His father stopped his movements and followed his wife’s gaze. He pulled back and grinned predatorily, showing his uneven teeth._

_“Yuuuuu-chaaaan,” he sing-songed. “Why don’t you come over here?”_

_Yuu was fixed in place, but that didn’t matter, because his father shuffled over to him, pants dragging on the ground from around his ankles. Yuu’s father grabbed his shoulders and forced him down—_

“Yuu, _Yuu!_ Dammit, wake up already!” Lavi’s voice sounded loud enough to drag Yuu gratefully from his dream. He was shaking heavily, and sweat covered every inch of his body, plastering his hair to his head and neck. He opened his eyes and saw Lavi disturbingly close to him. He recoiled as far as he could into the bed, but Lavi was still so close…

Arms pulled him up into a broad chest, and Yuu felt the heavy bandages covering Lavi’s hands on his back. “Thank God you’re awake, Yuu-chan. You just fell asleep, and then I wanted to sleep, too, so I lay down,” Lavi gushed. “I didn’t want you to wake up and leave, though, so I grabbed you, and you were fine, and I was about to get to sleep when you went all – all rigid! And then you started shaking and shaking, and if I was stupid, I would’ve thought you were having a seizure, but you weren’t because you weren’t shaking _that_ hard. So I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn’t, and _why_ are you so cold? You’re not supposed to be cold! You’re the sun, you’re the only thing keeping me warm!” He broke off and started gasping wildly. His gasps turned into dry sobs, and eventually real tears joined them, falling at an alarming rate from Lavi’s uncovered eye. Frozen in place, Yuu let Lavi wail heavily onto the top of his head. He didn’t particularly care for the position he was in, but he was too shaken from his dream to do anything about it. He pushed it into the far depths of his mind, never wanting to remember it again. He hadn’t thought of that particular time since it had happened. Besides, Lavi seemed to need him, so he brought his hands to rest around the other man’s trembling waist.

After a while, Lavi’s tears had calmed, and he was now crying silently, sniffling every now and then. Yuu looked up into the redhead’s face and noticed a twin tear track on the right side of Lavi’s face. The redhead only whimpered as Yuu shifted, leaving the warmth of Lavi’s chest. He pulled the eye patch away from the man’s face and paused. A faded but mottled scar stretched across his eyelid and up to his eyebrow. The lowest part of the scar was just above the range of the patch Lavi wore over it. Peeling back Lavi’s eyelid, he was shocked to see that Lavi actually had a second eye. He scoffed at himself in his head. Of course he did, if he had two lines of tears running down his face. It was as green as Lavi’s other eye, that particular shade of jade-ish emerald that had unimaginable depths, but it was filmed over. Lavi was obviously blind in this eye—baka _, he wears an eye patch,_ he reminded himself—and Yuu found himself wondering what had caused it. He noticed that Lavi had gone very still and gazed at the rest of his face, trying to see what had changed. It wasn’t hard to miss—all the life, all the emotion, had been hidden away somewhere, making his eye the darkest green Yuu had ever seen.

Lavi tried to move his arm back, but the IV tube snagged on one of the buttons on Yuu’s undone shirt.

“This fucking thing,” Lavi growled and yanked on the snagged tube, ripping the tape and the needle from his arm. Blood spurted from the vein, but the man took no notice of the stain that was steadily growing on his green sheets. Yuu pulled away and grabbed the man’s arm, putting pressure on the wound. Lavi hissed at him, a deep, guttural noise, and tried to take his arm back, but Yuu was stronger than the other man. Just in time, it seemed, a knock came on the door and the British doctor walked in. He paused when he saw the scene before him, but he hurried into the room after only a moment’s hesitation. Lavi became despondent, falling limply to the bed when the doctor took his arm from Yuu.

“What happened?” The doctor asked as he probed the wound.

“He woke up,” Yuu said simply.

“I can see that,” the doctor said in a light tone, pulling gauze and disinfectant from the bag he carried with him. “What else?”

Yuu didn’t know quite how to respond. “He keeps… changing,” he finally said, sighing. He didn’t know how else to describe it. The doctor nodded, as if he understood completely.

“That may happen a lot; he may be trying to find the personality that is most comfortable. If the mental trauma he suffered was great enough, he may have completely lost his sense of ‘self.’” Yuu stared at Lavi. The doctor had finished wrapping Lavi’s forearm and turned his attention to the man’s hands. Unwrapping the bandages, the British man examined the ragged lines of stitches that spread from the first knuckles of his fingers to his wrists. His hands were swollen and still caked with blood; the doctor prodded the man’s new metal knuckles, grunting in concentration.

“Well, the wounds are healing nicely, and it feels like the metal is still in place. The stitches should be able to come out in a few days.” The doctor put new, lighter bandages on Lavi’s hands, then turning to Yuu again, he said, “Try to get him to move his hands, and get him to eat something when he wakes up.”

Yuu nodded and helped the man lay Lavi back down on the bed.

\---

_July 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Lavi’s Room_

Birds chirped happily, fluttering about the window excitedly like the joyous creatures they were. Everything seemed crisp and neat and full of _life_. He felt like jumping up and doing a merry dance, but his atrophied muscles kept him from moving very much. Still, he couldn’t complain, as everything just felt so… light. He was very warm this morning, a large contrast to the coldness he had felt the night before. But that didn’t matter now, because he was so very happy, so very, very happy, and so very full of love. It was because his sun was sitting in his desk chair, which was pulled right up next to his bed, asleep. Even better was the fact that his sun’s hand was resting lightly on his own. He tried to grasp it, but his hand wouldn’t move. Looking down, he noticed the bandages were much lighter, but still his hand didn’t move when he tried. He got it to twitch, but other than that, it did nothing. He grunted in frustration, angry that this was impeding on his happy day. He had awoken to his sun, and now his body was malfunctioning!

His sun stirred at the noise and opened his beautiful, dark eyes. They shone brightly with the reflection of light from the cheery window. Lavi felt all his annoyance melt away at the uncharacteristically soft face his sun was making.

“G’mornin’, Yuuuu!” He said groggily, a bright, happy smile lighting his face. The man grunted, and Lavi tasted butter in his mouth. Licking his dry lips, he asked. “What’s fer breakfast?”

“Toast, if you’re up for it,” he replied, his voice swathed in some emotion Lavi couldn’t quite place. Like his sun… was actually caring for him. He knew his sun didn’t like to show such weak things as caring. Even if he _did_ care.

“I’d go with ya to get it, but I don’t think I can go that far without collapsin’.” Yuu grunted and nodded in understanding, sweeping from the room.

His sun was gone, but Lavi wasn’t cold. He waited patiently for Yuu to return, and when he did, laden with a tray of toast and jam, Lavi felt himself wanting, craving, butter.

“Did you bring any butter?” He asked, hoping for an affirmative reply. Yuu looked shocked and shook his head, blushing slightly. Lavi wondered why, but he refrained from asking. He wouldn’t get an answer that way. He would need to pay attention to Yuu’s body language to figure it out. Lavi was alright with that, though. He loved watching his sun.

“Sorry. I thought you liked jam with your toast, so I didn’t think to bring anything else,” Yuu said, and suddenly, Lavi’s craving disappeared. That voice, that sweet, buttery voice had completely satisfied his need.

“Oh, never mind,” he said nonchalantly. “You just gave me butter, I’m fine now.”

“What?” Yuu looked so surprised and confused that Lavi unconsciously moved forward a bit.

“What?” Lavi asked, surprised at what he had said. Yuu shot him a look that made Lavi have the urge to throw his arms around the man and kiss him, and he didn’t refrain.

His stomach hit the tray, upsetting it and throwing the contents to the floor, but he didn’t care. He flew up to Yuu’s level and knocked the man unsteady as his arms twined around Yuu’s neck. He pressed his lips hard to Yuu’s. The other man’s mouth opened in surprise, and Lavi took advantage of that, sliding his tongue delicately between Yuu’s teeth.

\---

_July 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Lavi’s Room_

Birds chirped happily, fluttering about the window excitedly like the joyous creatures they were. Yuu wanted to run them through with Mugen. Damn them for disturbing his sleep, for waking him. He heard a frustrated grunt and decided it was time to wake the rest of the way up. Stirring, he opened his eyes. He saw Lavi looking at him, his left eye a light, joyous green that was deep with an emotion he had only seen in his mother’s eyes. Only it was slightly different, a different quality of that emotion.

“G’mornin’, Yuuuu!” Lavi said groggily, and Yuu wondered just when the other Exorcist had awoken. Yuu grunted in response, and Lavi’s expression lit up again. Lavi licked his lips in a way that made Yuu shiver, and he wondered why. “What’s fer breakfast?” Lavi asked, distracting him.

He wondered what Lavi liked to eat, and he remembered seeing the other man eating toast quite frequently. He also tended to go for bacon and eggs, but those were probably too heavy for the man’s stomach at the moment. “Toast,” he said finally, “if you’re up for it.” He wasn’t sure why he had tagged that on the end, making it sound like he cared, which, damn it, he _didn’t._ He was just here because Lavi wouldn’t let him leave, like the night before, when he had been placing one of Lavi’s hands to his side and the other man hand held onto his hand tightly, reopening the stitches. The doctor had had to redo them and change the bandages again.

“I’d go with ya to get it, but I don’t think I can go that far without collapsin’,” Lavi said, reminding Yuu that he was supposed to be taking care of the stupid, red invalid. He grunted again, this time in understanding, and he left the room.

He reached the dining hall without incident and got food for both Lavi and himself. He grabbed a small jar of strawberry jam, the kind he remembered Lavi using on his toast every morning. Yuu was surprised that he had been that observant about the other man but brushed the thought off. He had known the guy for years; of _course_ he’d know what the other man ate for breakfast.

He walked back to the room and was grateful to see Miranda passing through the hallway. When she saw him carrying the tray of food, she went and opened Lavi’s door for him. He nodded as a way of thanks and entered the stupid rabbit’s room. As he neared the redhead’s bed, Lavi asked the strangest question.

“Did you bring any butter?” His voice sounded somewhat desperate. Yuu froze. He didn’t think Lavi had ever had toast with butter. Searching his memories, he found none where Lavi had ever buttered his breakfast bread. But then, that was only Lavi, and this man was not completely Lavi. There was something… different about this particular persona. He wondered if each of Lavi’s personas had its own personal likes and dislikes, especially with food.

“Sorry,” he finally apologized, not knowing what else to say. “I thought you liked jam with your toast, so I didn’t bring anything else.” Suddenly, Lavi’s expression changed, and he looked utterly satisfied.

“Oh, never mind,” Lavi said, his voice blasé. “You just gave me butter, I’m fine now.”

Yuu had never been so confused in his entire life. What the _fuck_ was Lavi talking about? He didn’t understand. “What?” He asked, trying to find some sort of clarity in the situation.

“What?” Lavi asked immediately, looking confused himself. Lavi moved forward, but Yuu didn’t notice. He was wondering how to respond to that but decided to drop it, as Lavi seemed as baffled as he was.

Then Lavi was moving, throwing himself at Yuu. The tray was knocked askew, but Yuu couldn’t do a thing about it, because Lavi’s arms were suddenly around his neck, and Lavi’s lips were fastened securely on his own. The force of Lavi’s jump knocked him back a few centimeters, but he steadied himself quickly. Belatedly, he realized that his mouth was open in shock as Lavi gently and deftly stuck his tongue into it. Yuu didn’t know how to respond. Something smoldered in the pit of his stomach, releasing smoke up through his chest and making his heart beat faster than usual. Lavi moved his lips against Yuu’s, but he still didn’t know how to respond, opting to stay still. This sensation was so foreign, so _different_ , that it shocked him back into a memory.

_Lips. Lips on his lips. They moved to cover his mouth completely, so his shocked scream couldn’t be heard. Something hard hit his stomach, and his cheek smarted as something hit that, too. Hands moved down his sides until they reached the hem of his_ jinbei. _Pain. Agony. Fear._

Yuu’s eyes snapped open, and without thinking, he pushed away the attacker as hard as he could. He hadn’t been able to fight back then, but he could now, and he _needed to get those lips off of him, because they were suffocating him and making him remember things that were painful, and—_

THUMP!

Yuu gasped. Why was Lavi against the wall? His eye gave off a funny emotion, and it teared up in pain. His face looked like it was in agony, but Yuu was sure that Lavi didn’t know what agony truly was. He couldn’t turn away from the face, but he couldn’t stay there, either. He needed to leave, so he backed up, his legs shaking harder with each step. Lavi’s eye went blank. As if he was released from a spell, Yuu turned around and dashed through the door, flinging himself into his room faster than he could slay a Level One Akuma. He managed to make it to his bed before he blacked out, his mind protecting him from the trauma of his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yasuo means “kind one.” Ah, irony, we love you so! Also, the book Yuu was reading was J.R.R. Tolkien’s _The Fellowship of the Ring._ :D If you want to know what a _jinbei_ is, Wiki it! (Yay, Wiki!)


	8. Yuu is my Sunshine

Chapter 7—Yuu is my Sunshine

__June 16, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

“Oh my God, Allen! What did they _do_ to you!?” Lenalee exclaimed, running over to give her favorite Exorcist a big, but gentle, hug.

Allen was sitting cheerily at a circular table with three others. Two wore the gold-trimmed coats of the Generals, while one sported regular clothes. Judging by his youth, Lenalee assumed him to be an apprentice. The problem, however, wasn’t the situation, but rather Allen himself. His right wrist was bandaged lightly, and there were numerous, long bandages on his arms, face, and neck. He was divested of his usual Exorcist jacket and sat stiffly, his entire chest and stomach bandaged heavily. Lenalee couldn’t help but gape a little at the carnage.

“It’s alright, Lenalee; it was just a little misunderstanding!” Allen replied, as cheerful as he looked. It was such a contrast that Lenalee wondered if he was under anesthetics.

“What happened?” She asked, her voice thick with worry and tears prickling in her eyes. Allen abruptly looked sheepish and immensely remorseful.

“I’m really sorry, Lenalee,” he said, his smile falling from his face as quickly as Kanda-kun was to anger. “I broke my promise.” As he said that, he broke eye contact as well, hanging his head and looking at his lap.

“Who hurt you?” Lenalee asked, and she was surprised to hear that her tone was rigid.

“Er, one of the new Generals.”

Lenalee glared at the two men, but they raised their hands up in a sign of innocence.

“Which one of them?” She asked, her voice still flinty.

“Neither of them hurt me, Lenalee. It was just a misunderstanding, and the lead General got a little… jumpy.”

“You’re not telling me what happened, Allen.”

Allen looked defiantly into her eyes, but after a moment, his expression softened, and he began to explain. Lenalee listened to every word carefully, her eyes widening as Allen’s story progressed. By the end, she was irate. Without waiting, she marched off, intending to correct the situation.

She didn’t knock on the door to the Director’s office. She never had in the past, when Komui had been Head, and she wouldn’t now, not when this Director deserved none of her respect. She slammed the heavy doors open with her activated Innocence and walked up to the desk, staring Smith down with a glare Kanda-kun would have been supremely proud of.

“Miss Lee?” Smith asked, shocked.

“I want my General’s jacket,” she demanded, leaving no room for argument.

“What?”

“Now.” Her voice was as firm and unmoving as the walls of the building they resided in. It also carried the coldness of the stone that comprised it.

“You were a General?” Smith asked, still in that shocked voice.

“Yes, now give me my jacket.” Her eyes flashed, and Smith quickly put in the order for one. Tailors marched grimly into the office and made her jacket in front of her eyes. The entire time, she looked on with angry indifference.

The fabric of her new coat practically dripped with authority, and Lenalee carried herself proudly as she stormed down the hallways. Her Innocence was still activated; she had not deactivated it since she had seen Allen.

As if reading her mind, Allen appeared behind her, managing to grab her shoulder. Lenalee brushed it off, not intending to be deterred. He shouted after her, saying something about stopping, that it wasn’t a big deal, but Lenalee paid him no attention. She had a colleague to scold.

Turning a corner, she ran directly into the person she had been looking for.

“Watch where you’re going!” The target of her ire yelled. Lenalee shot her a glare and stood her ground. This was between the two of them, and she wasn’t about to let her prey escape.

“If you ever, _ever_ touch my Allen again,” she said, her voice like fire and ice juxtaposed, emanating an anger so intense the other woman took a step back.

“Excuse me?” The African General asked, voice shaking with an outraged laugh.

“You heard me. You have no idea what kind of hell Allen lives through every day. He’s the Destroyer of Time, and if that wasn’t burden enough, he sees the wretched souls of the Akuma. That may sound fine and dandy, but one who has never seen them can never understand. And furthermore, Allen has a Noah in the back of his head, constantly, _constantly_ , trying to usurp him. If Allen loses concentration on that for one moment, even when he’s asleep, then the Noah will take him over. You have _no idea_ the stress he is under. He _deserves_ your respect. If you ever touch him again, I will personally see you punished. Listen closely: I can be either your greatest ally or your worst enemy. You get to pick. Trust Allen, and I am your friend. Hurt him, and you will never escape me.”

The black woman blinked in shock. Lenalee took that time to punch the woman in the stomach. She hunched over and fell to the ground, the breath driven from her lungs. Lenalee was about to follow that with a kick from her Dark Boots, but arms went around her waist, restraining her, and she smelled Allen’s soft, subtle scent envelop her from behind.

“Don’t, Lenalee,” he said in her ear, his voice low. “It was just a misunderstanding, and I will be healed soon.”

“You’ll scar, Allen. You said she _whipped_ you.”

“It was Innocence; the scars will fade.”

Lenalee relaxed into Allen’s arms and breathed deeply.

“The threat still remains,” she said, loud enough for the other woman to hear. Allen led Lenalee away quickly.

They passed Lolek as they left, and Lenalee could have sworn she heard the man say to the General, “and if you touch Lenalee, I _will_ kill you,” but she was sure she was imagining it.

\---

_June 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Lenalee was worried. She and Allen hadn’t seen each other much in the past two days, and every time they met in the hallways, he looked pained. One time, he had been rubbing at his cursed left eye, a sign that he was losing his control over the Fourteenth. She wanted to confront him about it, walking calmly to his room, hoping he’d be there. As she reached the junction of the main hall and the hall to the Exorcists’ quarters, Kanda-kun brushed past her. Her eyes widened a fraction.

“Kanda-kun!” She called, a smile forming on her face. He had been her first Exorcist friend in the Order, and he was probably the dearest to her, next to Allen.

Kanda-kun grunted his response, and Lenalee knew that was the best she was going to get.

“Welcome back!” She called after his retreating back.

“ _Tadaima,_ ” was the mumbled response that echoed back to her. She smiled lightly. Kanda-kun was such a sweet man underneath all the ice.

Her smile slid off her face as Lavi walked past. If Kanda-kun had looked tired, it was nothing compared to Lavi. He was unshaven and disheveled. His Exorcist jacket was rumpled and wrinkled, which was uncharacteristic. Though Lavi seemed like the messy type, his clothes were always impeccably clean and pressed. The exception to that was after battles, but then, all of them had torn and unkempt clothing after those. He walked with heavy steps, his feet dragging every few paces. And he was slouching. Lavi did not slouch. Something was very, very wrong with him. As he had passed, there had been no tired smile on his face, no sparkle in his eye, and Lenalee was very worried.

“Welcome back, Lavi!” She called, hoping to snap him out of his stupor. He did not respond, continuing to follow Kanda-kun to their rooms. Lenalee followed behind him, curious. Numerous times, she called out to him, hoping to get a response, but each time, she never did.

He walked into his room and closed the door. She heard the springs on his bed shift, and she knew he was going to get some rest. She hoped he’d be feeling better the next morning, but some way about how he carried himself and looked so despondent made her think otherwise. Still anxious for the energetic Exorcist, she knocked on Kanda-kun’s door.

“What?” He growled out gruffly. Lenalee had to smile a bit at his attempt to sound intimidating.

“It’s Lenalee,” she said. “What’s wrong with Lavi?”

“ _Che,_ ” she heard from behind the door. “He’s been like that since the train ride home. I’m sure he’s just tired. Let him sleep. He’ll be fine in the morning.”

“Well, can you at least keep an eye on him? I’m really worried.”

The man grunted affirmatively. Satisfied that that was all she’d get from the Japanese Exorcist, she wished him a good sleep and walked off, heading over to Allen’s room, her thoughts still fixated on the redhead.

She didn’t bother knocking on Allen’s door, knowing she’d always be welcome in his room. He was sitting on his bed, holding his eye, but he looked up as she walked in. After a moment, his hand dropped, and he looked shocked.

“That was surprising,” he commented, more to himself than to his unexpected company.

“What was?” Lenalee asked, taking a seat next to him.

“The Fourteenth just… quieted. And now he’s gone. I can’t hear him at all. Normally, he goes away gradually, and he never gets this quiet. It’s been happening every once in a while ever since you got back, but before that, he was almost unbearable, screaming in my mind almost every second. The only thing keeping me sane was my promise to you. And Miranda. She helped a lot, distracting me from him.”

“So it’s finally getting worse,” Lenalee said softly, feeling a pang in her heart as she realized where this would potentially lead Allen.

“It seems so. I can still resist him, but I don’t know how long I can keep it up,” Allen admitted. “I’m just really… tired. It’s like Miranda’s Innocence. I can only keep it up for so long before I reach my limit. But every time I think I’ve reached it, he goes away. Normally, he comes back almost immediately, but right now, he’s just gone. I think I may…” Allen’s voice drifted off, and he fell into a light sleep. Lenalee lay him out on the bed, removing his boots and covering him with the bedclothes. Lightly kissing his forehead, she ran her fingers through his fringe and left the room.

\---

_June 20, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Holding his left eye as if that would hold the Noah back, he walked unsteadily down the corridor. The Fourteenth was literally _screaming_ in his head, and he hadn’t let up since lunch. Lenalee, Lolek, and Allen had had a relaxing meal, but Lenalee had seemed worried about something. After Lolek had left, Allen had asked her what was wrong, and she’d confided that she thought Lavi was ill. The former Bookman Heir hadn’t left his room since his return, and even Kanda was starting to look a little unsettled about it. Lenalee had asked Allen to go talk to Lavi, see what was wrong, and he had agreed immediately. Now he wished he’d stayed with her. She’d know exactly what to do about the Fourteenth. He sighed and continued on his way, eventually reaching the dark, heavy door to Lavi’s room. He knocked, but got no response. Lenalee had told him to expect as much, so Allen tried the knob. It stayed in place, quite obviously locked. Allen growled, the Fourteenth crescendoing to an earsplitting dynamic.

“Lavi, I know you’re in there, so please tell me if you’re still alive,” he shouted through the thick wood.

“Go away,” came the reply. Lavi sounded strange, but not sick. It was more like a brooding voice. Allen felt anger rise in his chest. He wasn’t sure if this was his emotion or the Noah’s, seeing as he could barely distinguish the two of them at the moment, but he acted on it anyway.

“Angsting isn’t going to get you anywhere. Come out and have a coffee with me and Lenalee,” he growled, hoping he sounded at least a bit patronizing.

“It’s not angst, its introspection,” Lavi’s voice called. Allen growled again and banged loudly on the door. He got no further response. The Fourteenth was now positively shrieking in his head, the dynamic that of an opera soprano’s shrill fortissimo amplified several times over.

Staggering back to his room, he tried to get the Noah to quiet down. He wasn’t sure if he was saying anything aloud, and he hoped fervently that he wasn’t, but he couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. All that mattered was getting somewhere _quiet_ , somewhere without anyone, so he could cry out in pain. The Noah was getting, if possible, louder and shriller, and he wasn’t sure he could keep himself together much longer.

Blessed quiet.

Allen blinked, halting. Where had the Fourteenth gone? He had simply… disappeared, all operatic screams gone. He looked around. Everything was silent in comparison to the Noah’s singing, and it took him a moment to get his bearings. He was in the Exorcists’ quarters right now, and his door was down the hall and to the left. The door he had stopped at was Lenalee’s. That was strange. He moved on, but the second he passed her door, the Noah came back with a vengeance. He screamed out unintentionally, his hands going to his head as he felt the stigmata form on his forehead. His eye twitched painfully, and his curse elongated agonizingly, but he couldn’t move his hands down from his head. They were all that was keeping him together. Doors slammed open, but Allen didn’t care. He knew pain intimately, but every time it reached this level, it swept through him with the same intensity as the first time. It hurt as badly as his Innocence breaking, as Suman biting through his hand, as Tyki using the Tease to put a hole in his heart, as dying, as fighting Tyki in the Ark, as discovering Cross dead, as watching Mana die, as destroying Mana the Akuma, as…

Thought left him. All there was left was pain, and it crashed over him with the force of a waterfall. He tried to ride through it, but the water kept plunging him deeper and deeper into the pain. He fought against the Noah, but it was becoming too strong, and he was so _tired_ …

Soft, cold hands were on his forehead, weaving through his hair; it felt good. There was no sound, but he thought he heard crying, a voice he recognized but couldn’t place…

The pain was diminishing, but the tremors from the first wave were still wracking his body, and he couldn’t move. He was too weak. In the distance, he smelled the coppery odor of blood. He felt something cold cover his forehead and heard soothing words being said, but he still couldn’t understand anything. Something soft was beneath him, and he felt lighter than before, a light breeze hitting skin that shouldn’t have been exposed.

Even after the pain diminished, Allen couldn’t find his way to the surface. The Fourteenth had stopped his relentless attack, and Allen couldn’t hear or feel the other presence in his head at all. He thanked every higher being he could think of and fell into a relaxed sleep.

He did not rest well. All around him were noises that kept him from falling into a true, deep sleep. There was an annoying beeping noise, and someone was talking almost constantly, their voice tired and worried. He thought he heard tears in the voice, but he wasn’t sure, and he was still too tired to care.

And then the world became very, very clear. There was a hand in his, and it was small. He concentrated on the feeling and recognized it immediately as Lenalee’s. She was the one talking to him, though it was more a stream of incomprehensible babble now. He didn’t care. Opening his eye—his left one had a bandage over it—he tightened his fingers around Lenalee’s. She looked up, and Allen saw she was crying.

“Hey, Lenalee,” he said, his voice hoarse. Her look of wild relief made him feel a twinge of guilt. He had made her worry again, and he felt horrible for it.

“Allen,” she said, voice so relieved that Allen nearly choked on it. “Thank God you’re okay.” She bent over and hugged him, being mindful of his injuries. Allen moved his arms to encircle her back and immediately regretted it. Every muscle ached, and each of his half-healed injuries from General Kabbah’s whip throbbed. He noted all his bandages were heavy now. Despite the pain, he pulled Lenalee to him, and she held onto him tightly as she cried onto his shoulder.

“I’m fine, Lenalee,” he said into her ear. She nodded.

“It’s funny, though. I haven’t felt Noah once since the pain went away. I can’t even feel his presence in my mind, let alone hear him,” he commented. Lenalee stiffened but allowed him to continue. “Now that I think about it, I never hear him when I’m around you.” Allen’s eyes widened. “Wait, Lenalee.” Ignoring the painful twinges as he moved, he pushed Lenalee back at arm’s length, looking deeply into her eyes. “He’s never around when you’re here. I’ve never, ever heard him when you’re around. I don’t know why, but he’s… he’s _not here_. Everything’s quiet.” He laughed happily. “There’s no noise!”

Lenalee smiled. “Then I’ll have to stay around you all the time,” she responded, and Allen pulled her back into a hug.

“So what happened?” He asked after a while of silence.

“You… you were bleeding _everywhere._ Your eye, your ears, your wounds, and the doctors said your wounds reacted to the Innocence that caused them. They probably won’t heal for a while, not while the Noah’s around. But I’ll stay with you until every one of them has disappeared,” she promised. Allen planned to hold her to that. Now that he knew how to keep the Noah at bay, he was going to fight him off with everything he had. _And,_ he thought happily, _I get to spend time with Lenalee._ For some reason, his heart felt extremely light at that thought.

\---

_June 21, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Days had a way of passing, of melting together, and the more time passed, the more worried Lenalee was for her energetic friend. She had been to visit him several times, never once receiving a reply different from “go away.”

As she knocked once more on that heavy, unmoving door, Lenalee got the answer she had been expecting. Holding back tears, Lenalee forced her voice to sound even, calm, as she spoke. “Lavi, we have to meet Smith—we’re having a meeting.” She received no response for a while, but after a moment, a thin voice permeated through the thick door, barely reaching her ears. She wasn’t sure, but she thought she heard the man’s voice choking on tears.

“Just go without me.” It was so forlorn and desperate that Lenalee immediately felt guilty for not kicking the door down the first time she had found it locked against her.

“Lavi, are – are you okay?” Silently, she activated her Innocence, but a hand touched her shoulder, restraining her. She looked back, and her heart squeezed painfully as she looked at Allen. He shook his head, and Lenalee sighed, reluctantly deactivating.

“Fine.” was the responding grunt. Lenalee wasn’t sure if that was an answer to her question or an acquiescence to go to the meeting. She hoped fervently that it was both.

She heard scrambling from the room as well as the redhead Exorcist moving for the first time in days. Behind her, Kanda-kun let out an impatient breath, but it caught in his throat as the object of their worry—and there was no doubt about it, Kanda-kun was _worried_ —emerged shakingly from the room. Lenalee felt bile rise to the back of her throat. She had never seen Lavi so despondent, even when he was sick (which was surprisingly rare. As Kanda-kun said, idiots didn’t get sick). Lavi’s hair was greasy, almost wet-looking from lack of hygiene. His visible eye seemed sunken in, and the dark circle beneath it stood out in shocking contrast to his wan, wax-like skin. He teetered unevenly and slowly down the hall, and it didn’t take them long to overtake him. She noticed Kanda-kun fall behind them, and she hoped he was watching Lavi.

Though what they’d learned in Smith’s office had been horrifying, Lenalee couldn’t help but feel indifferent to it. She’d guessed most of what the Director had to say, and she was too worried about Lavi. But even her concern for Lavi could not take her from Allen’s side. They spent the entire day together, not talking much, just enjoying the other’s company.

She should have realized that her promise to Allen would be broken almost immediately. When they were called back to the Director’s office that evening, Lenalee knew they’d be receiving another mission. It was a routine one for any Exorcist, just like the one she’d done with Lolek. The Akuma population was increasing again, and Lenalee knew what that implied. The race for the Innocence had long been over; the war would be beginning in earnest soon. The Director seemed to realize this, and after the quick extermination mission, Allen would take his place as General. Smith wanted him to travel to the different branches of the Dark Order, picking up whatever available Exorcists he could. They’d all been recalled back to their respective Branches, so hopefully, by the time Allen’s group arrived, the Exorcists would be prepared to leave. The Earl had last been seen in Europe, and he had stayed there for years now. It wasn’t likely he would leave anytime soon, and Lenalee had a hunch that the war would be taking place on this continent.

It soon became clear that Lenalee would not be accompanying Allen, she being a General herself, and that Kanda-kun would take what would have been her place. Judging by how the man had stuck to Lavi’s side when the redhead had gone missing, they would not be easy to part.

\---

Lenalee paced worriedly outside Kanda-kun’s room, waiting for the man to return. She hadn’t been able to sleep that night, and Allen had reluctantly told her he would be fine. She hadn’t been able to stop fretting over everything, and she knew, logically, that as a General, she shouldn’t be doing it. But still, she couldn’t help herself. Maybe years in the past would have found her more relaxed in this situation, but she had had Komui then, and Krory and Cross, even Bookman. She had had Marie and Chaoji and Reever and Johnny… but they were all dead now, whether from war or old age, and she couldn’t keep the somewhat rational frame of mind she had had back then. Every beat of her heart felt like a throbbing pain in her chest, raw with fresh grief that would never cease.

She blinked as her eyes fell on Lavi’s door. It was open. Even before Lavi had become so… strange, he had always at least kept his door closed. Lenalee’s tortured heart beat in abrupt panic, and she felt the beginnings of an adrenaline rush as she peeked inside.

The first thing that hit her was the strong smell of blood, so thick it was palpable. She stifled a gasp as she saw the viscous red liquid splattering the walls and Lavi’s bed. The second thing that hit her was that Kanda-kun was there, holding Lavi tightly from behind. Lavi himself was quivering in Kanda-kun’s arms, and Lenalee was sure that his expression would be pained if she could see it. As it was, she could barely see his shock of bright red hair, as Kanda-kun was effectively concealing him from view. Kanda-kun shifted slightly, jostling Lavi a bit. The man let out a small whine, but Lenalee didn’t hear it. All she could perceive was the blood that seemed to cover the redhead’s hands—hands that seemed so wretched and broken that Lenalee put a hand to her mouth in silent horror. Her eyes widened, taking in a scene she would never forget. She stood there for a while, watching as Kanda-kun simply held Lavi with a gentleness she had never previously seen. It was heartbreakingly sad. With a start, she realized a tear was making its way down her face, and the rustle of fabric along with her surprised gasp made Kanda-kun aware of her presence. He turned, obviously trying to move as little as possible, but as he made eye contact with Lenalee, she heard a small, pained whimper that broke her heart. Even more surprising was how Kanda-kun drew the other man close to his chest, holding him there tightly, as he allowed his eyes to adjust to the light that poured into the room. Abruptly, Lenalee realized she should say something.

“I – I couldn’t sleep, and I came to see if Lavi was okay,” Lenalee said softly. The object of her worry stirred as she reached his name, but then he settled deeper into Kanda-kun’s embrace.

“Close the door and come back in the morning,” Kanda-kun said. Lenalee knew he was trying to keep his voice even, unemotional, but she heard the waver in it. For the first time since Lenalee had met him, she thought the other Exorcist was dangerously close to tears. Lenalee decided to ignore the badly hidden emotion and nodded. She knew that she couldn’t interrupt what was happening. She had known for a long time that something had traumatized Kanda-kun, and this was the first time she’d ever seen the stoic man act in the interest of others. Lavi seemed utterly shattered, so she closed the door and sat outside it till morning, leaving only once to check on Allen.

\---

_July 3, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Kanda-kun had refused to go on the mission, and the Director had wasted precious days trying to convince the stubborn man to go. Each time, the Japanese Exorcist glared coldly at Smith and flatly told him he would not be going. The most recent time had been that morning, when Smith had had the gall to enter Lavi’s room with a complete lack of propriety, barking at the young Exorcist to “get out of Headquarters and go on the fucking mission, dammit!” But he had refused _again,_ and Lenalee was of the mind that the whole situation was ridiculous. Miranda and Darcy were out on their first mission together, and a Greek Exorcist named Artemis had just returned, too exhausted from her previous mission to be sent back out right away. With Kanda-kun and Lavi both out of commission and the Generals spending copious amounts of time doing General-like things that she was, for some reason, not privy to, Lenalee decided to take matters into her own hands.

Storming into Smith’s office like she had only a few weeks ago, Lenalee walked up to his desk and threw her hands down on it, scowling intensely at the burly man.

“I’m going with Allen, Amanda, and Lolek,” she announced authoritatively. Smith blinked. “We’ll be leaving on the first plane to India.” She didn’t wait for his response, turning on the heel of her Innocence and storming from the room. She thought vaguely that Smith should have gotten used to the five old Exorcists’ explosive personalities, but apparently, he was still as speechless as he’d been the first time he’d been scolded by one of them.

They departed the next morning, ready for the long mission ahead of them.

\---

_July 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Lavi’s Room_

_I hurt my sun._ That thought circled its way around Lavi’s head repeatedly, stuck in the way songs were wont to do. _I hurt my sun, and I don’t even know how._ He had grabbed Yuu into a hug, something that was not uncommon. Though the man always tensed under his touch, he had never imagined that the man _feared_ him. But he had seen blatant fear in his sun’s eyes as he was pushed through the air into the solid, stone wall. He knew Yuu reacted badly to touches—he always had. He had never pushed Lavi back when he’d kissed him, though. That one time, after Yuu had had a very vivid nightmare, he had even seemed to welcome the embrace. Well, he had stayed still long enough for Lavi to press his lips lightly to Yuu’s, but that equated to the same thing. Of course, they’d only kissed four times, counting the one they’d just had. Two had been in the past, two in the present, and only one had caused his sun to go as cold as ice. _He’s hurt!_ Lavi wailed in his head. His thoughts weren’t working well for him, and he allowed himself to fall into a stupor as his sun sprinted, panicked, from the room.

There was a throbbing in the back of his head.

But he didn’t care.

Why should he care?

Who was he?

Number thirty-six was not him, but he liked the way he could express his love. He would keep that, maybe.

But what of him was in the other aliases?

And there was that dark presence at the back of his mind, trying to overpower him. A sense of foreboding filled him, and he pushed the presence back like he had once done his emotions. Maybe if he hid from it, it would go away. He would deal with the consequences of that later.

There was sound, but there was no heat. His sun had not returned, as he’d hoped. A lighter presence was next to him, and he could have sworn he heard a higher voice, like that of a woman, coming from above him. It wasn’t accented right for it to be Lenalee, who spoke with just the slightest of Chinese accents. It was more… _why_ couldn’t he place the language? As a Bookman, former or no, he should have been able to know right away who was there.

Perhaps it was that that roused his awareness enough to gaze comprehendingly at the German woman in front of him. He knew her name, just as he knew the British boy’s and the Chinese girl’s, but none of them were his sun, so he didn’t care to remember right then. His sun was Japanese.

“Lavi, are you awake?” The German woman asked, and Lavi had enough presence of mind to nod. He winced automatically as the motion brought pain, and abruptly, he was aware of the dull throbbing in the back of his head again. He heard a gasp as the German woman ran a hand through his unkempt hair. She was looking at her hand in shock and horror, but for the life of him, Lavi didn’t understand why.

“What happened to you?” The German woman asked, but Lavi could not respond. He couldn’t form words, just hoped that the German woman would keep running her hands comfortingly through his hair. It felt good, and he was suddenly glad that he was now allowed to enjoy the sensation. He probably would have enjoyed it more if it had been his sun, though.

Time stood still, and it had nothing to do with the German woman’s Innocence. For long, yawning moments, Lavi relaxed under the light touch of the German woman, and after a while, he put himself back into his protective stupor, not caring enough to hear what she was saying.

Then everything was warm, and Lavi’s eye snapped to attention. He sat bolt upright, his vision swimming, and his eye wandered around the room until it locked on his sun, who was standing uncertainly at the door, fear still written plainly on his features. Lavi could recognize it now, because hadn’t he felt it before? He wasn’t sure, but he knew that was the face Yuu made when he was afraid. It had only ever happened after one of his nightmares.

His sun’s eyes widened in shock as he took in Lavi’s form, and he looked horrified, turning green under his beautiful, pale golden skin. He held a hand to his mouth, and after a moment, retched. Lavi pulled himself from the bed, knocking the German woman aside to get to his spewing sun. The man had sunk to his knees and was shaking violently as he dry heaved, all the contents of his stomach now on Lavi’s floor. Lavi grabbed the man and pulled him into his arms. His sun stiffened, and Lavi immediately went to move away, but his sun was still shaking like a leaf in the wind. Under Lavi’s arms, he felt fragile, as if any sudden movement might break him, extinguishing his flame forever. Gradually, the man relaxed into the embrace, moving away after his shaking had stopped. His eyes were alert and careful. Lavi felt a pang of disappointment as the man moved, immediately missing the contact that had kept him so warm.

He felt an arm on his bicep, and he was pulled up. There was a rank smell, and Lavi realized that it wasn’t just from the pile of sick on the ground.

“You stink, _Baka Usagi,_ ” his sun said, eloquent as ever. Looking past him, he added, “Miranda, get Darcy.” Miranda blinked owlishly but ran from the room, returning moments later with the Irishman.

“Darcy, this animal needs to be groomed.” Lavi wasn’t sure whether to be relieved his sun was feeling better or offended at the insult. He opted for relieved as the Japanese and Irish Exorcists guided him to the Order’s facilities.

His sun pushed him into a stall with the Irish Exorcist before turning to leave. Lavi moaned a bit in the back of his throat without meaning to. He didn’t want to be left alone with someone as cold as the Irish man.

“Wait, Kanda, where are you going?” The Irish man questioned, holding Lavi back as he tried to follow his sun.

“To clean up the mess in his room,” Yuu replied shortly. The Irish man looked at him questioningly, and Yuu shot him a glare. The Irish man gulped and then locked the door to the changing stall they were in. He divested Lavi of clothes and carefully led him into the connected shower. Lavi stood listlessly, no longer caring for the present goings-on. Dimly, he was aware of the other Exorcist washing the several days of sweat, blood, and tears off of his wearied body.

The Irish man took a long time, blushing heavily at times, but Lavi barely paid the slightest amount of attention to the man’s ministrations. His sun wasn’t there, so no matter how warm the shower, he just couldn’t find any interest in what was happening to him. As the Irish man shut the water off, Lavi became aware of a quiet, brushing noise from somewhere else in the bathroom. He heard a grunt, identifying it immediately with his sun. Without caring about his state of dress, Lavi used his forearm to unlock the stall and walked out into the bathroom proper. He saw his sun, dressed in a tight-fitting outfit rather than his usual Exorcist jacket, and he was glaring into the mirror as he furiously brushed his teeth. Lavi raised a stitched-up hand in greeting, and as he hailed the other man, Yuu choked. Spitting the toothpaste from his mouth, he coughed harshly into the sink before taking a careful sip of tap water.

Hands came from behind, tying something around his waist. “Lavi, you idiot,” he heard the Irish man say, “put a towel on, for Christ’s sake.” He looked down and realized that he had, indeed, been naked. He had the presence of mind to blush at his mistake.

His sun finished whatever he had been doing and turned to Lavi, blushing heavily. He grabbed Lavi’s right wrist and pulled him from the room, leading him down the halls and back to his room. Lavi wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard a derogatory “ _Baka Usagi,_ ” from his sun. He decided to ignore it.

Upon his return to the room, Yuu rummaged through Lavi’s chest of drawers and produced a pair of rabbit-patterned boxers. There was a snort of something close to laughter from Yuu, but other than that, the other man remind as stoic as ever, averting his eyes as he blushingly handed them to Lavi. Lavi grabbed them and pretended to be confused, placing them on his head. Yuu, as he looked back over, glared at him with all the strength of a gale-force windstorm, and Lavi reluctantly and dejectedly pulled them from his head and put them on. Yuu’s pale skin was extremely pink at the moment, but he still approached Lavi, scraping the desk chair next to the bed. Pushing Lavi to the bed gently, he placed Lavi’s hands in his lap as he sat on the chair. Lavi’s heart sped up for a moment, and he wasn’t sure why. His sun was a warmth, a comfort, and though he knew he couldn’t live without it, he didn’t understand why his sun was making him as nervous and self-conscious as he was. Slowly, lightly, the other man massaged Lavi’s stitched hands and knuckles. The touch itself was ghostlike, barely there, and Lavi shivered as a foreign pleasure flowed into his system. He relaxed, closing his eyes, concentrating on the comforting feeling of his sun’s hands on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: At a loss for words. For some reason, we couldn't stop laughing while editing this chapter. Maybe it was the vomit? Or the alliteration of spewing sun? (Emily 1 HATED that description, but I absolutely felt it necessary to keep it in) Or actually... we really enjoyed the "it's not angst, its introspection" line. Hehe ;D


	9. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Epiphanies! Evil threats! LATIN! Child abuse!
> 
> Disclaimer: We do not in any way, shape, or form condone child abuse. It is a horrible thing, and the people who abuse are sick, sick fucks. SERIOUSLY READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Chapter 8—Friends

__July 12, 2013—The Dark Order, Asian Branch

The halls were as familiar to Allen as they had been 117 years ago, when he had been found, Innocence broken and dying, by Fou, the Guardian Deity of the Asian Branch and for some reason, so were the people.

“Bak?” He asked, stunned as he looked upon the face of the Exorcist who had greeted him.

“Bak?” Lenalee asked a moment later, her expression disbelieving. Abruptly, Allen realized what was wrong. Bak hadn’t been an Exorcist, nor had he been in his younger twenties. Hadn’t he been nearly thirty?

The Exorcist asked something in Chinese, but Allen blinked. He didn’t know Chinese. He was immediately thankful that Lenalee had forced her way onto this mission, because Amanda and Lolek looked just as clueless next to him.

Lenalee responded in the same language, and after a moment, the two Chinese Exorcists were chattering in their own private language. After a while, Lenalee turned to Allen.

“This is Bak Chan, the third,” she said. “It looks like his great-grandfather finally got over me and eventually had kids. I don’t know how that makes him the third generation Bak, but I imagine someone skipped a generation of the name. Perhaps it was his father… Anyway, he says the Director of this branch is out on business, so we’ll have to wait a bit before we can take the Exorcists back to the Main Branch.”

Allen nodded in acknowledgment. “Can you tell him to find a place to put us, and we’ll get to know the Exorcists as they come back from their missions.” Lenalee nodded and turned to the Chinese Exorcist.

They were placed in four separate rooms, but Allen knew he and Lenalee wouldn’t be sleeping separately. The only time she had left his side was when she was looking after Lavi, and he had been there for most of that time anyway. He was immensely grateful, as he wasn’t sure how strong he still was, and he couldn’t take much more of the Noah of Music singing in his head, anyway. After getting situated, Allen and Lenalee meandered down the halls of the Asian Branch, trying to get her used to the place again. Allen knew that she’d been there before, but she had been very young at the time, and her memories were marred by the death of her parents and the separation from her brother. They walked close together, and without realizing it, they began to hold hands. Allen’s heart surged happily the entire time, and he felt far giddier than he had since Mana had died.

He tensed and his step faltered as he felt an arm snake around his neck. He jumped at the voice in his ear, soft but menacing.

“What, pray tell, are you doing with my sister?” Lolek whispered.

Allen jumped, a shiver running down his spine. He knew full well that Lolek disliked him. Violently. And the man had suddenly become very _brotherly_ toward Lenalee, making Allen wonder if he was Komui reincarnated—or at least channeling the dead man.

“Oh, Lolek!” Lenalee exclaimed, and she gave him a one-armed hug, not letting go of Allen’s hand, effectively putting the three of them in a triangle formation. Noting the man’s dangerous expression, she added, “what’s wrong?” Immediately, her face scrunched with worry, and Allen wanted nothing more than to smooth it out again.

Lolek cleared his throat and pointed at their joined hands. In an instant, Lenalee and Allen had sprung apart, both blushing from head to foot.

“I – I’m sorry, Allen! I didn’t even realize – I hope you don’t mind! I’m sorry!” Lenalee shouted, looking horrified.

“Me too! I’m sorry, Lenalee. I didn’t mean to make you—”

“Oh, no, the fault’s all mine!”

Beside them, Lolek chuckled, muttering something about Miranda, but in his haste to apologize to Lenalee, he missed it.

“Anyway, Lolek, it’s okay, because I love Allen!” Lenalee said brightly. Allen blushed deeply, and he suddenly realized that he wanted to hear those words again.

“What?” Lolek and Allen said simultaneously, though the former’s exclamation had been in German.

“Yes, Allen’s my best friend!” Lenalee said, blushing as she realized her mistake. Allen felt a bit disappointed, but he tried his best to hide it. Lolek shot him an understanding look, and Allen knew he had failed. At least the Polish man seemed to have calmed, though. He thanked God for small blessings.

“Ah, sorry, Allen. My bad.” Lolek said, hugging the smaller boy into his broad chest.

“…Allen?”

Allen froze. He knew that voice. He knew it as well as Lenalee’s or his Master’s or Mana’s. It was the voice of the one who had helped him restore his Innocence. His face broke out into a wide grin. Sure enough, as he looked over, he saw the red-haired, purple-outfitted Guardian Deity of the Asian Branch.

“Fou!” He shouted, running from the awkward situation to greet his longtime friend.

“Allen!” She shouted, running toward him as well. At the last second, she jumped, and Allen was suddenly thrown back as her foot met his face. He flew past Lenalee and Lolek, who stared on in utter shock, and he went sprawling on the ground. “How ya doin’?” She walked up to him, offering one of her overlarge hands.

“I was fine until you kicked my face in,” Allen said weakly before blacking out.

\---

He awoke with a start, breath coming in an audible gasp. The room was dark, and Allen mentally floundered for a moment, trying to catch his mind up with what had happened. Lenalee sighed next to him, and he looked down in shock. He was dressed in simple, Chinese-style pajamas on a soft bed with silk sheets. They were far more comfortable than the 150-count sheets he had grown used to at the Main Branch. The comfort itself was almost enough to draw him back into sleep, but something about how sweet and innocent Lenalee’s form seemed kept him from submitting. Her features were so soft, carrying none of the constant worry that marred them during the day. He knew he had placed a lot of those worries on her, and he felt a surge of guilt for it. He pulled the girl tighter to him, and she snuggled deeper into his arms.

Epiphany came quickly, connections clicking abruptly into place. _I’m in love with Lenalee,_ he thought to himself. But he couldn’t tell her. He had known for a while that his chances of survival in this war were slim to none, and though he would continue to keep walking forward, as he had promised Mana, he would never do a thing to hurt Lenalee. He knew that Lenalee would be destroyed at his death if their relationship got any deeper. She had been devastated the first time she had thought him dead. He couldn’t do that to her again, ever. He wasn’t even sure she would be able to survive his death now, with their explicitly trusting friendship. He knew that he was the only one who had been able to keep her going toward the end of the war, what with so many dying, Exorcist and Finder alike. If they became anything more—Allen refused to name that relationship for fear he would lose his resolve—Lenalee would die along with him, and that was the one thing he could never stand.

He sighed soulfully and lowered his head, placing a kiss on the crown of Lenalee’s head. Her hair smelled like orchids, and Allen breathed it in like a drunkard inhaled alcohol. Lenalee’s scent reminded him of spring, just as the girl did. There was no real explanation for it, just one of those irrational thoughts that sprung to his mind. If he had to put a song to her, it would be one of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons violin concerto, “Spring.” It was so… perfect for her. “I love you,” he sighed against her hair, pulling her ever closer. She moaned lightly in her sleep, tightening her arms around Allen for a moment. Allen felt the grasping fingers of sleep pulling him in, and this time he did not resist. His dream, as so many of his, contained music, but it was Vivaldi’s “Spring,” and all around him was a gentle breeze ushering in the scent of the orchids that surrounded him.

\---

_July 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Asian Branch_

It was the screaming that woke him up. He looked out the window to see the sun high in the sky. He was surprised he had slept that long; he usually only slept till eight or nine at the latest. Next to him, Lenalee turned so she was facing Allen as she had been the previous night, and Allen grabbed her in his arms without thinking, leaning his head down to smell her orchid hair again. The screaming began again, and Allen cursed softly as Lenalee stirred again, opening her eyes against his bare chest. He felt the eyelashes tickling at his skin and suppressed a shiver.

“Allen?” Lenalee asked, pulling back so she could see him properly. Allen resisted the urge to bring his lips down on hers, instead pulling her into their ritual morning embrace. He smiled as her scent wafted up to his nose again.

Their door burst open. They blinked, and then jumped apart. Lenalee darted out of bed, throwing her shoes on as Allen activated the Crowned Clown.

“Hide me here,” said the intruder, closing the door as quietly as he spoke. Allen looked at Lenalee, and they both blinked, not comprehending the situation. “Please,” the young man said. Allen placed him as only a few years older than he was, and from the pigmentation of the man’s skin, Allen knew at once that he was Indian. Reluctantly, Allen nodded, unconsciously slipping an arm around Lenalee’s warm waist.

“VIKRAM MAITRA, IF YOU DO NOT SHOW YOURSELF THIS INSTANT, SO HELP ME, I’LL CASTRATE YOU WITH A SPOON!”

The Indian boy went very, very pale and backed up from the door, his mouth open in horror.

“What did you do?” Lenalee asked quietly, moving from Allen’s side to usher the boy into the adjoined closet.

“Er…” The boy said, his eyes shifting from side to side. He tripped into the closet, exposing his buttocks as he fell. Allen took a double take. Coming from the low waist-band of the Indian boy’s pants was a very long, braided … tail?

The Indian boy looked horror-struck and pulled it into the closet behind him, shutting the door with a small snivel. Allen decided delicately not to ask. Lenalee apparently shared his mindset and backed off until her back was to Allen’s stomach. He wrapped his arms around her as was his habit.

“VIKRAM, IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME MY HAIR BACK, BY GOD, I’LL MAKE IT SO THAT YOU WILL NEVER WALK AGAIN!”

Lenalee turned to stare, shocked, into Allen’s eyes. The “Vikram” in question sniveled loudly, and this time, the door was blown off its hinges, slapping into the wall and cracking it in half. A small, middle-aged woman stood in its place, holding a spear larger than her by a good third of a meter. It was a silvery-gray staff that ended in three, Innocence-glowing prongs. Allen recognized it as a dangpa, a traditional Korean weapon. The sliding door to the closet quivered with Vikram’s vibratious shaking.

The woman didn’t notice the shaking, but her eyes locked on the closet door the second a tiny whimper emerged from it.

“I’m sorry,” she said, sparing Allen and Lenalee a glance. “I don’t mean to barge in like this, but I have an Exorcist to castrate.” She pulled a spoon threateningly from her back pocket. Lenalee gasped. Allen crossed his legs slightly.

The woman strode over to the closet door and pulled it open, grabbing its occupant from it in one fluid motion.

“Choon-yei! Forgive me, please! I’m so sorry!” Vikram bawled, tears and snot falling from his face. If the situation hadn’t been so grave, Allen would have laughed. It was just like Kanda and Lavi, only infinitely scarier. After all, Kanda never threatened to _castrate_ the redhead, and Allen had a sneaking suspicion that this woman meant business.

“Oh, you don’t know the meaning of ‘sorry’ yet, boy,” she said, using her Innocence to hold him to the wall as she half-pulled, half-ripped the pants from the boy. Allen opened his mouth in silent horror. Lenalee pulled herself from his arms, and within an instant, she was between the two fighting Exorcists, arms on both of their chests.

“Stop it. As a General, I order you two to cease this senseless bickering!” Lenalee shouted firmly. Allen thought it was a bit comical, as Lenalee was a good half meter shorter than Vikram and clad only in a light silk nightgown that only came halfway down her thighs. Her boots were only half on, and she couldn’t have done less to stop the fight if she tried, given her current condition. Still, the Asian Exorcists stopped, Vikram with a gulp, and looked speculatively at Lenalee.

“I know of no Chinese General,” the woman said harshly. Lenalee’s eyes flashed with hurt, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared.

“You wouldn’t have. I’ve only been awake for a bit over a month now, but I’m sure you’ve heard of my companion, Allen Walker.” She gestured to Allen, and the two other Exorcists stared at him, mouths dropped to the floor.

Then, Vikram made a squeaking noise and scuttled over to Allen, throwing himself at his right leg.

“Allen Walker, save me! I love you! Please save me!” The young man clung ever tighter to his leg, and Allen felt his foot begin to go numb.

Allen swallowed hard.

“Er, could you please get off of me? You’re limiting my mobility,” he responded absently. He really, really did not want to deal with this situation. The woman looked offended.

“Alright, deactivate your Innocence, please, er…?” Lenalee said, though she paused at the name.

“Choon-yei Lang,” the wizened woman supplied, and Lenalee continued on.

“We need to know what precipitated this event.” She turned to the sniffling Exorcist, who was still on the ground at Allen’s feet, though he had mercifully let go of his leg.

The boy looked up, his face a mess, and he stretched out his left arm. “Look what she did!” He shouted. Allen took a look.

“Er, why is there a band-aid on your prayer beads?” Allen asked incredulously.

“They’re not prayer beads—well, they are, but they’re my Innocence!” The boy cried. Fresh tears running down his face. Allen wasn’t sure if they were fake or not, but then he remembered his own time in the Asian Branch and figured the young man had been very distressed at the injury to his Innocence. Allen himself had no reason to judge—hadn’t he cried himself when he’d thought his Innocence destroyed and his path forever blocked from him? Allen felt his face relaxing as he pulled the other Exorcist to his feet.

“I barely scratched them,” the woman scoffed, reminding Allen eerily of Kanda.

“Lies! They went rolling all over the floor! It took me four hours to find them all!”

“You could have just activated it.”

“Don’t mock me, woman!” He collapsed to the floor again, clutching his left arm. “I wasn’t sure if it _would_ activate, BROKEN as it was!” The boy sobbed once, tears pouring from his face. Allen thought that perhaps that was getting a bit excessive, but he still leaned down to pick the other Exorcist up, this time holding the young man in place, so he would not fall again.

“And that made you want to cut off all my hair, the hair I’ve been painstakingly growing since I was _five!?_ ” The woman shouted back, her voice as sharp as the points on her dangpa, which, Allen noted in distress, was activated again. Reaching out with his clawed left hand, he grabbed the Innocence and pulled it from the woman’s hand. He kept his right hand over the young man’s prayer beads.

“It was revenge!” Vikram shouted back.

“This tiff is over,” Allen said firmly. “The first incident sounds like a complete accident, which puts you in the wrong, Vikram Maitra. On the other hand, by pulling your Innocence so violently against another Exorcist, you, too, are in the wrong, Choon-yei Lang. You will both apologize to each other, and you will both be punished for your rash actions. Ms. Lang, you will assist the efforts to repair Vikram’s Innocence, and Vikram, you will return the lady’s hair to her. I will think up a fitting punishment for you later, after I eat. I’m about to starve to death.” The long, echoing rumble that followed was testament to that fact. At that moment, though, another woman strode purposefully into the room.

“Vikram, Choon-yei! _There_ you are! I’ve been looking for you. I just got back, and apparently there are two Generals from the Main Branch who are coming to bring us back with them.” The woman, who was obviously Japanese and also very pretty, blinked as she saw the two Generals in question in their bedclothes, obviously in the middle of stopping a fight.

“Emiko-chan!” Vikram said, tears damming immediately. He wiped his nose on his arm—Allen fought the urge to kick him for his disgusting habit—and ran up to the other woman. Allen realized she was wearing an Exorcist jacket, and he mentally reviewed his list of active Exorcists. There were four in the Asian Branch, three in the American, and one whose father had worked in the Australian Branch until he’d discovered his compatibility with his Innocence and became an apprentice—Allen had met him already at the Main Branch. Then, in the Main Branch, there were five, and the South American Branch held two. They had all of the Exorcists they needed from this branch, so he figured that perhaps they could leave without the go-ahead of the Director. He thought a phone call would suffice.

“Hey, Vikram! What’s going on? And why does Choon-yei have no hair?”

“It still goes to her chin. I didn’t cut _that_ much off,” the Indian man said, sticking his tongue out jokingly.

“You’re horrible,” Emiko responded.

Allen paid them no attention, instead grabbing his General’s jacket and his small bag of toiletries. He saw Lenalee do the same, and in silent consensus, they slipped from the room. They wouldn’t be missed.

\---

_July 16, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

After he had been bathed by Darcy, Lavi had switched into a persona Yuu did not know. Lavi seemed to always be spouting random facts, and his never ending chatter was dense with knowledge. Yuu didn’t know if he considered this to be an improvement or not. An intellectual Lavi was certainly better than the idiot he usually had to put up with, but at least the mindless chatter had been easy to ignore. The things Lavi talked about made Yuu acutely aware of the vast intelligence of the man in front of him, and he began to feel a grudging respect for the stupid rabbit. The only problem was that the intellectual Lavi liked to speak a lot in Latin, very rarely switching back to English or Japanese. He even spoke in Russian for a day and a half, and Yuu had the distinct impression Lavi was doing it just to annoy him. The doctor had said some sort of rubbish about picking a language that was best suited to him, and Yuu had scoffed at that. If Lavi chose a language Yuu couldn’t understand, he would have to flay him.

“…And in that way, the apple in _Paradise Lost_ can really be seen as a metaphor for the sufferings of all men caused by a single mistake.”

Yes, he was having roasted rabbit for dinner tonight.

He wanted to tell the man to shut up, but he feared any snide comment would break Lavi—or worse, throw him back into that apathetic despondence that had claimed him for weeks. Shaking with anger, he tried to ignore it as the other Exorcist switched back to Latin once more. As they passed Director Smith in the hallway, Lavi had chuckled a little and muttered something to Yuu that he couldn’t understand.

“Pax Dómini sit semper vobís cum,” Lavi sang solemnly as he approached the burly man. Smith blinked, looking shocked, and his mouth hung open a little.

“Er, et cum spíritu tuo,” the man said back, though the way he intoned it sounded to Yuu as if it were merely a response formed from habit.

This was the second time Yuu had taken Lavi from his room for a walk down the halls. It was obvious to anyone who looked on that he was not the same Lavi he had been, and Yuu was immensely glad they were not in their own time period, as he wasn’t sure Lavi would have survived all the pitying stares. Thankfully, no one of this time, with the exception of Amanda and Darcy, knew him well enough to really judge his behavior. If their positions had been reversed, Yuu didn’t think he’d be able to stand the reaction from the others. They were too pitying. It was obvious something was wrong with Lavi, even if they didn’t know him, and he wished the stupid science men and Finders would leave them the _fuck_ alone. Lavi was under enough stress as it was.

Yuu blinked. Why was he acting like he cared? He _didn’t_ , dammit, and he never would, because caring meant that you could be hurt, and being hurt was unacceptable, because it always led to something else. Always. His heart was beating faster in his chest, and he took a calming breath as Lavi returned, eyes dancing merrily with laughter. There was a smile on his face, and though it was small, it was one of the few genuine smiles Yuu had ever seen on the other man’s face. It made his heart clench a little bit—a very, very miniscule bit—that the other man could only smile properly when he wasn’t really “Lavi.” Of course, he was starting to realize that Lavi was just what the other man called himself now. He had mentioned it in one of his intellectual rants, the one that had included a very detailed description of the sun. Yuu still didn’t understand what the man was talking about whenever he mentioned that star, but it seemed to have some importance to him, so Yuu kept it in mind.

He pulled Lavi back into the younger Exorcist’s room and allowed the man to sit cheerfully at his desk writing who-knew-what on any surface that would stay still long enough. His desk was full of scribbles, ones that Yuu was forced to scrub off each night after the other man had fallen asleep.

“Lavi,” he growled as he noted the fine Arabic script on the paper, “pick a language and stick with it. It’s infuriating when you switch in the middle of a perfectly coherent conversation.”

Lavi froze and looked at Yuu, horror-struck.

“You don’t understand what I’m saying?” He asked, thankfully in English.

“Not when you don’t speak English or Japanese,” Yuu ground out, forcing himself to let his jaw relax.

“Oh.” Lavi’s eye went wide and then, all of a sudden, the intellectual persona was gone. It was as if Lavi was his true self, if only for just a moment. The intellectual persona snapped back into place, and Lavi added, “you’re right. I should keep a language or two as my dominant ones, keeping the others in reserve for when they’re needed. I think I’ll choose English and Japanese. They’re both fun to speak.” The intellectual persona flickered, and in that moment, Lavi spoke again. “And besides, it’s not fun when my sun can’t understand me.”

Yuu didn’t want to think about what that meant, so he scoffed and let Lavi’s intellectual persona fizzle out on its own.

\---

_August 5, 2013—The Dark Order, North American Branch_

They had not left the Asian Branch for two weeks after meeting the Asian Exorcists. It wasn’t for lack of trying—both Lenalee and Allen had called the Director numerous times to give them permission to leave, but the Director had not allowed it. They had allowed Amanda and Lolek to go on a quick local extermination mission with Bak, but other than that, none of them had had anything to do, and each member of their growing party had been relieved when the Director had returned and allowed them to move on.

Upon their arrival at the American Branch, they had been told that none of the three Exorcists were in residence. The third, a young, twelve-year-old girl, was at the Main Branch as an apprentice to Cyrah Kabbah. A week had passed, and still, none of them had appeared. Allen was starting to thoroughly hate this mission. Nothing happened, and the waiting was simply excruciating. He walked down the tiled halls with Lenalee. The two of them had sent the rest of the Exorcists back to the Main Branch, as the Americans were taking too long to get back from their mission. True, they were in Washington, D.C. and the other Exorcists were in Oregon, but still, Allen thought, they could at least take an airplane. Like they had done. Allen suppressed a shiver. His ears had hurt so badly that he hadn’t been able to pay attention to his surroundings, a grievous thing for a General. None of the Exorcists had done well on the airplane. After all, if Akuma were on it, they would likely destroy the plane, killing everyone aboard. No one’s Innocence would have been able to save them from that—they were simply too high in the air.

“Allen,” Lenalee said softly, grabbing his attention. “It’s nearly suppertime, shall we go?”

Becoming aware of his suddenly aching stomach, Allen nodded emphatically. They walked down the too-white hallways to the cafeteria and got in line behind a sandy-haired man. Allen noted he was missing his right hand, and it was cauterized with a gray material. Not caring about the older man’s reaction, Allen reached out and grabbed it, inspecting it. Sure enough, a light green cross spread across the gray plating.

“You’re an Exorcist,” he said conversationally, ignoring the man’s scandalized look.

“Yes, now unhand me,” the man said coldly.

Allen activated his left arm, which was holding the man’s right. “I am too. I believe we’ve been searching for you for quite a bit. Why don’t we sit down together and talk?” He smiled up at the man, who ripped his stump from Allen’s grip. However, he waited until Allen and Lenalee had trays of food before leading them to a table.

“You’re the new Generals, eh?” He asked, shoving a large forkful of food into his mouth as Allen did the same. Both ate ravenously for a while as Lenalee spoke.

“Yes. We were sent from the Main Branch to round up all the Exorcists worldwide. Due to the Earl’s recent movements, it is believed that the remaining part of the war will be in Europe. There will be extermination missions back to your branches should they be needed, but we believe that the Akuma population is also migrating to Europe. We must have our entire force together. We are only twenty-three in number, and though that is a veritable force, when placed against the Noah, countless Akuma, and the Earl himself, we are nothing. We are no longer doing any good divided. Or at least, that’s what the Vatican believes. You and your comrade, who I assume is here—?” the man nodded. “—will follow us to the South American Branch, where we’ll pick up the remaining two Exorcists. Then, we’ll return to Headquarters and begin to plan for the rest of the war.”

At that moment, a solemn, Native American man silently placed his tray next to the Canadian’s and sat down. Allen gave him a curious look before going back to his food, but the man ate silently, listening to Lenalee and the other North American Branch Exorcist as they talked about the details of the war.

“I never did catch your name,” Lenalee said as she took her last bite of pie.

“Oh, I’m Michel Benoit,” the man said belatedly. He offered his left hand, and Lenalee shook it.

“You’re a parasitic type, I assume?” She asked, though Allen knew full well that she knew the answer. It had been on their list of Exorcist information, after all. However, he had the vague suspicion that she was only asking to be polite.

“Yes. My right hand got cut off when I was in my mid-twenties, and one day, I was at Home Depot, buying myself a chainsaw, when the cashier turned into an Akuma. I think it was a level two. Anyway, my arm started glowing and hurting, and the chainsaw just sort of _attached_ to it. Before I knew what was happening, it just started up, and I was cutting the Akuma to shreds. It blew up half the store. I ran out of there before I had to pay for the chainsaw, and after a few days, this guy—” he pointed at the stoic Native American, “—showed up, telling me I was compatible with some shit called ‘Innocence,’ and that I was going to be an ‘Exorcist.’ Next thing I knew, I was here at the North American Branch. I got picked up by a General, and ever since then, I’ve been slaying Akuma. Of course, I’m very glad I had been buying a chainsaw, because according to Director Smith, it could have been anything. Imagine me with a fork stuck to my arm. _Real_ useful, eh? It could’ve been something a bit cooler, though. I’d have liked to have been called Captain Hook or something if I’d had a hook attached to my right hand. But no, I just constantly get referred to as Ash.” He looked sullenly down at his tray, which was now empty. The man next to him snorted but showed no other outward signs of amusement.

“Ash?” Lenalee asked, curious. Allen leaned forward a bit, wanting to hear the explanation as well.

“It’s from a movie,” the man said, grabbing his tray and walking off.

Another snort came from the impassive man. Allen shifted his gaze to him, waiting for the other man to say something.

“Ash doesn’t mind it at all,” he said in a deep, accented voice. He said nothing further and ate something whose scent Allen couldn’t place. He frowned and restrained himself from asking for a bite.

\---

_August 5, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Lavi wasn’t there when Yuu awoke. Somehow—and Yuu didn’t want to understand how it had happened—they had ended up sleeping next to each other under Lavi’s warm, green blankets. Yuu vaguely remembered falling asleep in a great tangle of limbs that kept him far warmer than he could ever remember being.

But Lavi was gone, and Yuu felt colder at that moment than he should have. Because he _shouldn’t_ be feeling any warmth in the other man’s presence. It was wrong. Not to mention, he hadn’t been warm since that day when he was five—

Yuu shook his head. This was _not_ the time to be thinking about unnecessary things. Lavi was missing, and he had no idea where the stupid redheaded mutt could be. Unbidden, panic clenched his heart, and it took a moment of forced meditation to make that sensation stop.

Activating Mugen, he ran from the room, acting on the panic that, dammit, he had just _repressed._ He ran all of five steps before realizing that he was only clad in boxers. Running back and thanking every deity he could think of that no one had seen him, Yuu threw on the first pair of pants he could find. He didn’t even care that they belonged to the stupid rabbit or that they were too long and baggy to be comfortable. He rushed from the room again, gripping the hilt of his chokuto in a failed attempt to calm his racing heart. He had to find Lavi. The man had changed personas once more, spending an inordinately long amount of time as a shy, timid man who could barely face the outside world alone. Yuu was worried for the mental stability of that particular persona. It wouldn’t take much for the other man to be driven to do something awful.

He didn’t look where he was headed, just ran, eyes peeled for any sign of the other man. He didn’t notice Darcy in the hall until he was on the floor, pinning the Irishman to the ground. They both coughed at the force of the impact, and Yuu had the good sense to roll off the other man, hitting the stone floor with a grunt.

“Ooof,” Darcy groaned, holding his stomach as he tried to take deep breaths.

“Watch where you’re going,” Yuu bit out coldly, heaving himself up and grabbing Mugen’s hilt again.

“I could say the same of you,” Darcy choked out, coughing again from having the wind knocked out of him. “What the hell were you doing gamboling down the corridor like that?”

Yuu sighed deeply, though it ended with a small cough. “Looking for Lavi. The idiot ran off, and I can’t find him.”

“Oh, I saw him a couple hours ago, walking into a room by the library,” Darcy said, pulling himself to his feet and dusting himself off. The man turned and began to stride off.

“Wait.” Yuu’s eyes widened. Hadn’t they been awake past midnight? He’d heard the other man mumble something incoherent but that had ended with “Bookman.”

Darcy stopped walking away, turning back to face Yuu. “What?”

“What day is it?” Yuu asked, his voice coming out in some horrified version of its usual icy tone.

“Er, the fifth, right?” Darcy replied. “Why?”

Urgency gripped Yuu like an iron rod. “Did Lavi do or say anything strange when you saw him?” He didn’t know why his voice sounded so urgent, and he cursed himself for it. Even worse was the fact that he currently had his hands fastened around the other man’s biceps. He must have looked ridiculous. And worried. But DAMN IT ALL. He. Was. Not.

The Irish Exorcist looked taken aback at Yuu’s words, but he replied nonetheless. “Er, he did look a bit different, now that you mention it. Almost… I don’t know, emo?”

Yuu blinked in confusion. “ _Nani?_ ” Yuu asked shortly. Thankfully, the other man seemed to understand what he meant, as he went on.

“Emo is like… well, it’s a type of music, but now it’s used to refer to people who are… like, angst-ridden, shy, introverted… depressed, really. It’s usually associated with things like self-injury or suicide--”

Yuu didn’t listen to the rest, dashing off in the direction of what had been Bookman and Lavi’s room. He ran past a shocked Lolek and a scandalized-looking Miranda. He barely registered which hallways he passed through, his mind on one specific goal: get to Lavi.

He threw open the door, huffing from the exertion, and froze. Lavi was lying despondently on Bookman’s bed. That wasn’t what had made him stop, though. Lavi was on his side, his heavily-scarred hands outstretched above his head. Though they could barely grasp it, his hands gently held a letter opener. He was staring transfixed at it as if it was the most interesting object in the world. He spun it lightly, round and round, idly pricking at his skin here and there. Yuu gulped. Emo. Self-injury. Suicide. And that awful, uncaring and _soulless_ face Lavi was making. Yuu didn’t care. He didn’t. But for some reason, the idea of Lavi being hurt or dead cut him deeply, like his father’s knife had. He ran over to Lavi, quick as he could, and threw the thing from the other man’s grasp, not caring about the painful whimper that action elicited.

Lavi grimaced up at him and stretched out his hands as if to try to do Yuu some type of injury, and Yuu did the only thing he could think of: he pinned Lavi down to the bed, one hand to each of the redhead’s wrists, putting his full weight on the taller man.

“ _Yamero,_ ” he hissed through clenched teeth. Lavi’s eye widened for a fraction of a second, but then it was back to how it had been.

“My sun,” Lavi whispered, and then a tear streaked down his face from his visible eye.

Yuu froze. How had he not realized it before? Lavi had mentioned it so often. He had mentioned so many things about that “sun” of his, and he had never understood it. But the way he put it now made it absolutely clear. He, Kanda Yuu, was Lavi’s sun, the thing Lavi said was keeping him warm. He was very sure that “warm” equated to “sane,” and that distressed him. Far more than it distressed him, however, it made him feel very warm himself. His chest was nearly bursting with some emotion that, damn him, he wasn’t supposed to be feeling.

“I’m here,” he said, his voice low, cracking for some unknown reason. _Kuso,_ he thought. _Why am I caring?_ Because that’s what it was, that feeling in his chest. Somehow—and he had no idea how, when, or why—he had come to care for the _baka usagi_ under him. And for some reason, he didn’t seem to mind it as much as he’d thought he would.

\---

It didn’t take him long to come to his senses. He _couldn’t_ care for anyone. It hurt too damn much, and he’d given up on it years ago. He pushed himself away—when had they started embracing?—forcing himself to back up as quickly as humanly possible. His gaze went everywhere, searching, searching for a way out of this situation. He cared for Lavi. That was irrevocable. It was truth, it was solid fact. He couldn’t take it back, as much as he wanted to. But he could still keep the other man from knowing, because Lavi didn’t _need_ to know.

He heard a sleepy grunt—had Lavi fallen asleep? Had Yuu?—and then a voice emerged. “Yuu?” Lavi asked, his voice heavy, thick.

Yuu backed out of the room, eyes wide with alarm. Lavi couldn’t know. No one could know, because Yuu was stone. He was icy, and he was solid. He was unfeeling, a non-living entity. He didn’t do such human, such _living_ , things like _care._ He could keep his secret—no one would ever need to know that he did.

He turned as he left the room and ran back to Lavi’s. He’d meant to go to his own room, but Lavi would return eventually, and he would probably be as nonfunctional as before. Yuu cared, and he would probably do just about anything to make sure Lavi was alright.

Sure enough, five minutes later, Lavi came stumbling into the room, thankfully without the letter opener.

“Yuu, why’d you run away?” He asked. This persona was different than the one he’d had for the past three weeks. It was partly “Lavi,” but it held a curiosity in its tone that was completely out of character for the bright, cheery persona. It was quieter as well, and Yuu wondered if this was the next Lavi he’d be dealing with.

“ _Che,_ ” he said, turning his head away so as not to make eye contact. He didn’t want to respond to Lavi’s question, because if he did, he knew he’d tell the truth, and that was unbearable.

“Are you okay?” Lavi asked, moving until he was uncomfortably close. Yuu stiffened at the proximity and had to force himself to relax. Lavi wasn’t going to hurt him. He would never do anything of the sort. Yuu breathed in deeply and backed up until Lavi was at least a meter from him.

Lavi’s eye held something strange, an emotion Yuu had never seen in it.

“Why are you backing away? Did I do something wrong?” Lavi’s voice cracked, and a pitiful tear fell from behind the eye patch.

“ _Tch._ ” Was that all he could say? Why couldn’t he bluster his way out of this situation, just as he always had.

“Yuu, why won’t you answer me?” There was a sob in Lavi’s throat.

“ _Che._ ” Really, he was getting rather repetitive.

“Yuu, please, _please_ , tell me what I did! I can’t fix it if I don’t know what it is. How did I hurt you?” Lavi’s voice was pleading, holding some intangible hurt that floored Yuu. His eye was desperate and teary, and his face was so horrifyingly _pitiful_ that Yuu wasn’t aware that he had moved until his arms were wrapped tightly around Lavi.

“It’s nothing _you_ did, _baka,_ ” he murmured into the other man’s neck, and he was revolted to note that tears were leaking from his own eyes.

Yuu hadn’t cried since he was ten, since the time Tiedoll had taken him in. He held Lavi like a lifeline, trying to stop the incriminating tears from making tracks down his face. He was vaguely aware that Lavi had wrapped his own arms around his waist. He just needed to stay still and _stop those damn tears from flowing like he was some… girl._

_He felt proud of himself. His father hadn’t even tried to enter his mother’s room for a whole week. Perhaps his presence was actually doing some good. Maybe it was the fact he was now eight years old or the fact that his father seemed to be going lighter on the sake, but it all equated to the same thing: his mother had not been hurt for an entire week. She was good at hiding her pain, but now that Yuu knew what to look for—that small tightness at the corner of her eyes, the small hitches in her breaths when she stood up or sat down, the very slight winces she gave whenever Yuu touched a tender spot—he understood just how good of a relief the past week had been for her._

_All pride fell away like water into a drain when he heard the front door slam open. Alcohol reeked like an aura around the foul man as he approached, and Yuu’s eyes widened in real fear as the man grabbed him bodily and threw him into the kitchen._

_“Your filthy hair is too long again, Yuu-chan,” his father said, and Yuu heard the sound of metal against wood as the man pulled out the usual knife. Yuu squeezed his eyes shut in preparation for the horrible pain that would follow._

_“Open your eyes. Take it like a man,” his father growled, grabbing Yuu’s short locks in his overlarge hand. He pulled the knife uncaringly through Yuu’s hair. Yuu whimpered, a tear falling from his right eye, as the knife caught his ear, slicing partway through the cartilage. The man stopped his motions and grabbed Yuu’s jaw with bruising force._

_“Oh, I’ll give you something to fucking_ cry _about, Yuu-chan. If you’re gonna be a girl, there better be a good reason for it.” The man slipped from his view, and Yuu let out a small, relieved breath. He knew something worse was coming, as that invariably happened after such a comment, but for now, he was simply glad the hair-cutting knife was gone. He was surprised his hair could still grow, but he thanked his higher deities that it still did._

_There was more metal on wood, but the quality was longer, as was the duration. Yuu’s heart stopped for a moment, fear dripping into his stomach and chest like an icy beverage. He gasped as his father slunk back into view, carrying a tomato knife. Yuu shrank back into himself in terror. His father threw him back on the kitchen table, where he’d been sitting, and pointed the knife at Yuu’s face._

_“Since you wanted something to cry about, I’ll give it to you, ne, Yuu-chan?” He wore a sick, gruesome smile that promised a lifetime of agony. Swiftly, the man sliced down, going from Yuu’s collar bone down to pelvis, cutting through his_ jinbei. _Yuu tried to stifle his small whine of pain as the double-pronged serrated knife slid through his skin. Another tear fell from his eye, and a third one joined it a moment later at the other side of his face._

_His father opened the top of his_ jinbei _, spreading it until Yuu felt cool air touch his chest. He shivered, more in fear than in actual cold, but he froze the second he felt the blade on the left side of his stomach. Pain. Screams—were they his? They couldn’t be, he wasn’t allowed._

_Hot, burning, scorching pain inched its way sickeningly slowly up in a curve to his ribs. Yuu shouted, his scream becoming a guttural screech as the serrated blade sawed at his ribcage. The cold metal of the blade left his skin, but the pain remained, and Yuu looked down, horror-struck, at his stomach. His skin was flayed and uneven, ensuring a large, deep scar. He drew in a sharp breath and winced as he saw his stomach muscles move underneath. A wave of nausea engulfed him at the pools of blood sheeting down like a waterfall from his open, gaping wound. He looked at his ribs and felt bile pool at the back of his throat. He choked on it, unable to swallow it back down. He could see his first two ribs clearly, despite the blood, and they had a deep fissure in them. White hot pain emanated from that area and Yuu fought against the unconscious oblivion his body was trying to force him into. He couldn’t faint—he couldn’t. If he did, what was to say he would ever wake up again? In the back of his mind, he felt the tears pouring out of his eyes at the same fast pace of the blood from his stomach and the cries and whimpers of pain as he tried to ride it out. He heard a laugh, a sick, maniacal laugh, above him, and he looked in its direction. He saw his father with a sickeningly large smile as he giggled over his pain-ridden son. Yuu decided at that moment that he would never cry again. He would never give that man the pleasure of seeing it._

_He didn’t know how hard it would be to keep that promise._

\---

_August 5, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

He was number three. Number three was “shy and curious.” Number three was a bit emotional, but he was a good kid. His name was Thomas. Lavi wasn’t quite sure if that was what he wanted, but he needed something with emotion, so he went right away for his least objective persona.

His sun was pushing away from him, a strange, panicked look in his eyes. He ran away, and Lavi felt stricken. What had he done? He looked around and felt a harpoon shoot through his heart as he recognized the room. Why had he gone to Bookman’s room? Then he remembered that today was Bookman’s birthday. He remembered vaguely another persona taking him here, but the persona hadn’t been one of his forty-nine. It had been repressed in the back of his Bookman Corner, and now he was back there. Thankfully, Lavi couldn’t feel him, so he pulled himself up, hating that he could barely move his hands, and walked slowly back to his room.

He got to his room without incident and was both relieved and happy to note his sun was in there. But his sun had run away, and Lavi wanted—needed—to know why.

“Yuu,” he said softly, “why’d you run away?” He questioned, stepping forward a bit.

“ _Che._ ” Yuu turned his head away. Lavi stumbled forward until he was only centimeters from the other man.

“Are you okay?” Lavi asked as he moved. His sun stiffened, and Lavi felt his heart clench in a sudden depression. He barely noticed Yuu relaxing himself, muscle by muscle; he was concentrating too hard on keeping the tears at bay. He did, however, notice Yuu backing up, and his heart gave another painful squeeze. His sun was rejecting him, and it _hurt._

“Why are you backing away? Did I do something wrong?” Lavi asked, his voice cracking as he lost his battle against the tears. He felt one fall under his eye patch, bypassing it and following the curve of his cheek.

“ _Tch._ ” Why wasn’t Yuu responding? What had he done to make Yuu like this?

“Yuu, why won’t you answer me?” He said, a sob beginning to form. He was seriously beginning to fear that he had completely alienated the only person besides Bookman that had ever been important to him.

“ _Che._ ”

“Yuu, please, _please_ , tell me what I did! I can’t fix it if I don’t know what it is. How did I hurt you?” Lavi pleaded. He was getting _cold_. He needed something to warm him up, but his sun wouldn’t do that anymore, because he had _hurt_ it, made it unwilling to shine on him.

Hot, strong arms wrapped firmly around his own, and Lavi could only be glad for the warmth, unable to process anything else.

“It’s nothing _you_ did, _baka_ ,” his sun murmured into his neck. Lavi felt something hot and wet and realized that his sun was crying. He was shocked. Suns didn’t cry. Not his, at any rate. He wrapped his arms around Yuu’s waist, and at some point, he led them to the bed that was on their right. His sun wouldn’t let him go, and Lavi gradually began to warm up again. Somehow, they were under the covers, and at some point, they were asleep. Lavi dreamt of his own private beach, the one where his sun resided, warming Lavi and the rocks and the clear blue ocean of the bay.

It was the first lurch of the other man that woke Lavi.

It was the whimper and the tear that fell from the other man’s right eye that kept him awake. An arm went from Lavi’s waist to Yuu’s right ear, and the man’s face was screwed up in pain. Then the man stopped all movement, and then he shivered and made a small whining sound. Another tear fell from his right eye, and Lavi felt something on his shoulder, indicating a twin tear from Yuu’s other eye. The man shivered again, and then his stomach muscles went tense. Lavi thought that was the end of it.

Until the man screamed. It was unearthly—something he’d never heard, even when battling beside the other man. He started convulsing, and both arms went to his stomach as a howling screech ripped from Yuu’s throat. Lavi sat up, trying to hold the other man down, to keep him from falling off the narrow, twin-sized bed. Tears poured from the sleeping man’s eyes at an alarming rate, and all the time, Yuu twisted and turned, holding his stomach as if he was trying to keep his guts from spilling out into the cold, morning air. Screams and moans pervaded the air until it was thick with them, and Lavi abruptly realized he needed to do something.

“YUU!” He screamed, slapping the other man from his nightmare. Yuu’s eyes snapped open, and he threw Lavi back as he scuttled backward until he hit the headboard. He was still screaming and tears still made rivers down his cheeks. His eyes held a trauma so deep that Lavi felt himself drowning in it.

“Calm down, Yuu-chan!” He yelled, launching himself forward onto the other man. He threw his arms around Yuu’s neck, around Yuu’s hair that was stuck to his skin with sweat. The other man screamed even louder, and Lavi went flying. Why was his sun doing this to him? He hadn’t done anything to deserve this one.

“DON’T EVER CALL ME THAT!” The other man roared, and he drew his suddenly activated Innocence, pointing it Lavi. He thrust forward, and Lavi barely had Oodzuchi Kodzuchi in front of himself in time to block. Yuu attacked again, and Lavi blocked a second time, growing it enough to make a wall between them. He both felt and heard Yuu hacking away at the other side of his hammer, sobbing and screaming until he fell into a heap. Once the attacks had ceased, Lavi lowered his Innocence and let it deactivate on its own. Yuu was a mess, sobbing hard into his green comforter. Lavi tried to grab him around the shoulders, but the other man gave something akin to a hiss and pushed him away.

Opposite from the Sun Corner of his mind, the Bookman Corner rebelled, and then he was floating…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There. Finally some satisfaction for the Allen/Lenalee fans. And can you believe it? There was plot movement? Also, wiki tomato knifes. They're crazy. Crrraaazzzyyy. And the Latin is what used to be said at the end of the Catholic Mass, back when it was in Latin (not surprisingly).


	10. If I Fell

Chapter 9—If I Fell

__August 6, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

Lavi had run out of the room, a gut-wrenching look of emotional agony on his face. That was all it took to bring Yuu back to his senses.

_What had he done?_

He ran after Lavi, but the man was already gone, and once again, Yuu couldn’t find him. He went back to Bookman’s room, but he wasn’t there. He checked the library, and his heart leapt as he saw a head of red hair. He ran up to it and froze. It was fucking Darcy. He saw Amanda come up and press herself to the Irishman’s back, her arms snaking around his waist. Yuu felt sickened and stormed off, not caring about all the shocked faces that followed him out.

Four hours.

Four hours passed.

Four hours passed, and he still couldn’t find Lavi. He had asked everyone, each time with more pronounced desperation in his voice, face, and eyes. He had ignored the surprised faces of the idiots he’d asked. They didn’t matter anyway. Fucking Finders. Shouldn’t they be doing the fucking finding?

His thoughts deteriorated to terror-ridden flits of possible places Lavi could be. He ran out on the edge of the mountain, pounding the ground harder than was necessary to sprint. He looked up, silently pleading with the God that ruled over the Order to let him find the fucking rabbit that he cared about. He had _known_ it would lead to pain, and he had been right.

He stopped.

Lavi had gone one other place. Just after Tiedoll had been killed—Yuu ignored the twinge in his heart—Bookman had gotten seriously injured. Lavi had been beyond himself with worry, and Yuu knew that it was a genuine feeling, not just part of one of his personas. He had started brooding, and instead of going to the library or his shared room, Lavi had gone up to the top of the tower, to the observation deck. Yuu’s heart beat faster. It was a chance.

He pounded his way to the top, not even noticing how his legs burned with the effort. He kept the same grueling pace the entire way up the ridiculous amount of steps. He threw the door open much like he had done that morning in Bookman and Lavi’s old room.

Lavi was sitting on the railing at the edge of the deck, leaning forward as if fascinated by how far away the ground was. His hands were resting as curled as they could on top of the rails, but they would not be able to grab them if Lavi started to fall.

Yuu’s heart stopped. His breath stopped. He felt rooted to the ground like he never had before, not even when he was five on that first, awful night—

He was running, sprinting like he had before, wrapping his arms around Lavi’s back, linking his hands in front of Lavi’s chest, pulling back until they were both in a heap on the hard stone. Yuu’s head hurt, but he didn’t care, because Lavi was on top of him and alive and _safe._

“What the _fuck_ was that, Lavi?” He hissed, his voice gaining strength until it was a full-out yell.

There was no response, and Yuu felt an anger such as he had never felt before boil over.

“Do you even know what would happen if you _died?_ ” He yelled into the other man’s ear.

“No one cares, so it doesn’t matter,” came back Lavi’s empty voice. Yuu knew that if he looked at Lavi’s eye, it would be dark, no spark of life visible.

“You have no idea how much people care. You’re an idiot! _You don’t even realize that I fucking_ care _about you, BAKA USAGI!_ ” He screamed. At some point, he had switched back into Japanese. He wasn’t sure if he was glad or not that Lavi could understand that.

The man in question froze.

After a length of time, Yuu felt Lavi’s hands cover his own, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Lavi was back from whatever funk he’d been in.

\---

_August 6, 2013—The Dark Order, South American Branch_

“Hok’ee,” Allen said, gesturing to the Native American Exorcist. “Would you please get Ash to shut up?”

Hok’ee nodded. He took his spear Innocence and poked it into the middle of the Canadian’s back. Michel went rigid, his back arching against the contact.

“Goddammit, you _know_ that’s the sensitive spot of my back! Do you want me to come at you with my chainsaw, Hok’ee?” Michel yelled, turning from the Mexican woman he’d been flirting incessantly with. It reminded Allen of Lavi—before Lavi had gone… weird.

“You wouldn’t,” Hok’ee said flatly. It wasn’t a threat, simply a statement of fact. Michel dropped his head slightly and glared at the other man.

“You suck ass, Hok’ee,” he said, walking off dejectedly.

“Sorry about that,” Allen said to the Mexican woman. “Michel is, well, he’s Michel. I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do about it but grin and bear it. You’ll probably have to do that a lot. The Order is full of idiots like that.” He grinned politely at her and offered his right hand to her. She shook it solemnly, nodding in understanding.

“Rodrigo is the same way. I’m used to it,” she said in accented English.

“Rodrigo?” Allen questioned.

“He is my partner—unfortunately.” The woman screwed her face up in distaste but otherwise remained rather expressionless.

“You’re the Exorcists we’re looking for, then?” He dared to hope.

“Yes.” The answer was short, concise. Allen liked the woman already, and in the back of his mind, the Musician flickered to life. He liked her too. Allen winced and shook his head. As if he hadn’t been there at all, the Musician faded away again. Allen sighed. He wanted Lenalee, but she was out on an errand and wouldn’t be returning for the next few days. Allen sighed again. He’d been doing that very often lately. The Musician flared up in the back of his head like the pest he was, and Allen couldn’t ignore him this time as he sung out, _muuuusic is clooooose!_

A Brazilian man walked up to them, clad in an outrageous sombrero and an Exorcist jacket.

“Rodrigo, what are you wearing?” The Mexican woman asked incredulously.

“Ah, a sombrero, my dear Maya, a sombrero. It is very sexy, no?” He responded.

“Not. At. All,” was Maya’s point-blank response. The man looked dejected then sobered, turning to Allen. Allen winced as the Musician shouted, _THERE! MUSIC IS THERE!_

“You are General Walker?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“Yes,” Allen said, offering his hand just as he had done for Maya. They shook, but as their hands touched, the Musician flew out of whatever pin he’d been locked in, and all of a sudden, Allen was writhing on the floor.

“Lenalee!” He screamed, reaching out for her, but not feeling her comforting presence, her soft, cool hands, her gentle touch. He clasped his right hand to his left eye and curled up. A prickling on his forehead announced the presence of the stigmata. He felt his curse grow more ornate under his darkening skin, and then he felt a burning sensation on his neck. He looked up—his right eye was probably gold now—into Maya’s steely glare. Her flaming sword drew blood at his throat. He gulped reflexively.

“And now, Noah, you die,” Maya said, her voice as steely as her dark eyes. He felt something on his chest and then he was thrown backwards, backwards into a memory that wasn’t his own.

_The Priest quivered fearfully for some reason, holding his large crucifix in both trembling hands like a weapon._

_“You devil, begone!” He shouted, thrusting the glowing green crucifix forward._

_She screamed as Sarah fell, the cross sticking like a stake from her heart._

_All balance in her world was lost, and she felt something inside her—something evil, something heartbroken. And it wanted revenge._

“LOOOOOVE!” Allen screamed until his voice faltered and died, just like Sarah had. His head fell to his chest, and he noted the rattling of the chains holding his wrists above his head. His shoulders ached with the pain of holding his entire body weight, and his right wrist was so chafed that it was oozing blood constantly. He had no idea how long he had been there, only that he had just awoken. Any time his eyes closed, that memory played before him. He let out a high-pitched moan and whispered, “Lenalee, help me,” before he forced his mind back into unconsciousness.

_He was dreaming. He had to be, because Lenalee was there._

_“Allen?” She asked. Then her eyes widened, and she gasped in horror. “Why are you chained up?”_

_Allen became aware of the steady burn in his shoulders and wrist as well as the dull ache in his back. He tried to stand up, but his legs wouldn’t hold his weight. He looked down and saw they were both chained to a heavy, iron ball._

_She ran over to him, tears falling from her eyes. She grabbed Allen’s face in both of her hands and stared deeply into his eyes._

_“Are you okay?” She asked. “I’ll try to find a way to get you out of them.” She studied Allen’s chains but couldn’t find what she was looking for. She kicked at the iron ball in frustration, tears flying from her cheeks._

_“What are you doing in my dream?” Asked a high-pitched, curious voice from the other side of the room. Allen and Lenalee both looked over and saw a young girl of perhaps fourteen illuminated in a small pool of light. She was sitting in a high-backed chair. She was dark-skinned, tanned like many in the Middle East. Her hair was a deep chestnut, and it waved down lightly to the small of her back, almost touching the seat of her chair. Strangely, though, her eyes were a bright, perfectly clear blue. They shone like a flawlessly cut aquamarine stone, though they were perhaps a few shades darker. A light brush of stigmata graced her forehead, making them look like a holy crown._

_Allen felt tears in his eyes at the perfection in front of him. He glanced at Lenalee out of the corner of his eyes and saw her doing the same—though he wasn’t sure if those were left over from her earlier tears or not. Allen suspected it was a mixture of both._

_“Can you free Allen?” Lenalee asked desperately, tears still flowing._

_“Faith doesn’t need to free me,” he said softly. “You will, when you get back.”_

_“You’re Allen Walker?” The perfect girl asked in wonder, her childish voice echoing to their side of the room despite its softness._

_“Yes, I am.”_

_“And you’re Lenalee Lee?”_

_Lenalee looked stricken, as if she hadn’t been expecting the perfect girl to address her. “Yes,” she choked out. “I am.”_

_“You are my Heart. Guard it well.”_

_“We will,” they said together, though Allen didn’t know what possessed them to do so._

_“I know you will. Be careful of the others. Do not kill them—they do not understand what makes them so.”_

_Allen didn’t know what she was talking about, but he nodded gravely, and he saw Lenalee do the same._

_“Now, Lenalee, you must save Allen, before his allies betray him like Sarah.”_

_The dream faded away._

Forty miles away, Lenalee woke up. She gasped at the tears running down her face. That dream had been very, very real, and she needed to get back to the South American Branch immediately.

\---

_August 6, 2013—The Dark Order, Kanda’s Room_

Lavi was number twenty-four today. He found that he rather disliked the childlike qualities of number three and had only kept the ease of expression, throwing away the rest of the persona. Twenty-four was a good person. He was quiet-spoken, but he had an explosive temper where it counted. He was “quiet but feisty,” after all. Lavi tested the boundaries of the persona, and after several hours of inhabitation, he decided the personality would have to go. The temper just wasn’t worth the trouble, and he rather disliked how quiet he was at other times. He switched back to forty-nine, tired of experimenting for the day.

Yuu left the room, and Lavi went to follow, his curiosity that he’d taken from number three humming deep in his heart. Yuu was carrying a towel and heading toward the bathroom. Lavi followed him, not wanting to be alone and wondering why Yuu was taking a shower at five in the evening. No one took a shower at that time. Normally, it was before breakfast or after dinner. As he closed the door, he gaped.

Yuu’s lotus flower had five petals at the bottom, as it had before their extended sleep in their Innocence, but it was doing something he had never seen before: wilting. The stem was bent and slightly wrinkled, its color the grayish-green of a dying plant. Its petals withered up a bit, turning just a little bit gray at the edges.

Tearing his eyes away from the horrific sight, he followed Yuu to the bathroom, intent on annoying the man in some way or other. Yuu began stripping the second he got into the men’s facilities. He walked into a stall and paused. He dropped his towel and button-up shirt to the ground. He turned around, urgency in his eyes, and made as if to go to the mirrors in front of the sink. He stopped again, this time freezing as if completely rooted to the cold, stone floor, as he caught sight of Lavi.

Lavi stared. He couldn’t help himself. It was like watching a train wreck. It was something so horrible that he just couldn’t look away.

From the left side of Yuu’s stomach to the second rib on his right side was a long, jagged and mottled scar that Lavi was sure had not been there the night before. Perpendicular to that was a thinner, straighter scar that went from Yuu’s collar bone past the waistline of his pants. Lavi took it all in with excruciating detail. Even without a Bookman’s mind, this memory would be transfixed in his head forever.

“Yuu,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. “What happened to you?” But he didn’t need a response. Whatever had happened, Yuu had dreamed about it the previous night. Lavi vividly remembered the screams as the older man clutched his stomach.

Yuu didn’t respond, just brushed past Lavi as he half-ran from the room. Lavi blinked and then removed his shirt, throwing it at the other Exorcist but missing. Sighing, he picked up Yuu’s towel and white shirt before leaving the bathroom. He grabbed his own shirt on the way back to his room, where he found Yuu pulling on the sweatshirt Lavi had stolen from him weeks ago.

\---

_August 8, 2013—The Dark Order, South American Branch_

Lenalee ran, Dark Boots activated, toward the group of four Exorcists at the lunch table.

“Where did you put Allen?” She asked wildly, not caring how loud her voice was, nor how disheveled she looked.

The cafeteria went silent, and the four Exorcists shared dark looks.

“He was a Noah,” said the only woman, a Mexican, by way of explanation. “So we incapacitated him.”

“I _know_ he’s a Noah!” Lenalee screeched, slamming her fists on the table. “But if you had taken the time to pay attention and notice that his Innocence was still his, you would have realized he’s not a threat! He’s not even a Noah! He just carries the memories of one!” Hot tears poured down from her desperate eyes.

Everyone looked stunned.

“Take. Me. To. My. Allen,” she said, her tone leaving no room for protest. The four Exorcists in front of her gaped, and she pounded her hands on the table again. “Now,” she added, a hard edge to her voice.

They scuttled around her and led the way to what appeared to be dungeons. Behind the bars of the cell on the left, Lenalee saw Allen. His throat and chest were blood-crusted, and his General’s jacket had been removed, leaving him with only a thin, white undershirt. It, too, was stained with dried blood. Lenalee didn’t even ask for them to let her in, just jabbed one leg out and kicked a few bars down. Walking in through the now dusty air, Lenalee bit back a cough. Her foot struck the iron ball that kept Allen from moving his legs underneath him. She stomped on the chain leading to the shackles around his ankles, snapping it as if it were a twig. Jumping up high, she kicked out her leg and broke the chains that held his arms up. She hit the ground before Allen and caught the other teen deftly. He groaned in pain as his arms fell to his sides. Lenalee hugged him to herself.

“Thank God you’re alright,” she whispered in his ear. His skin lightened from its ashen tone at her words, and his Noah form melted from him as if it had never been there. Allen moaned, and Lenalee turned and glared at the group of four Exorcists.

“Release him from these shackles,” she said coldly, and all they could do was stare dumbly as she approached them, dragging Allen with her. “Give me the key. Now.” The Mexican woman reached into her pocket and produced a small, old-looking silver key. Lenalee snatched it from the other woman’s hand and unlocked Allen as carefully as possible.

“Now, take me to your hospital wing so we can have his wounds checked over,” Lenalee ordered. This time, the other Exorcists seemed to have grown some backbone.

“No,” intoned the Mexican woman. The Brazilian man behind her put a hand on her shoulder, perhaps in warning.

“Maya…” He said, his voice dying at the end of the word. The Mexican woman shook her head.

“No, Rodrigo, this—this _Chinese_ girl—” she spat Lenalee’s nationality as if it were a curse, “—is sticking up for that Noah. How do we know she is not one as well?”

“Do you not see my Innocence!?” Lenalee yelled, and Maya shrank into herself a little.

“Headquarters would not give a General’s jacket to a Noah,” Hok’ee said simply in his deep voice.

“They gave one to _him_ ,” Maya shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at Allen. Rage bubbled deep inside Lenalee’s stomach. They _dare_ accuse _her_ Allen of betraying the Order?

A rumbling noise made Lenalee jump, and she saw Michel’s activated Innocence roaring where his right hand should have been. Lenalee stepped back, already thinking through how she would place Allen on the ground before incapacitating the man. However, he turned his arm to Maya, resting the thunderous blade near her neck. She gulped visibly and took an unconscious step back.

“I believe them,” he said simply. Turning to Lenalee, he added, “come on, Lenalee.” He gestured for her to follow with his left hand, and then he deactivated his Innocence and led the way to the South American Branch’s hospital wing. Lenalee followed him, not sparing a glance at the other Exorcists. She heard two sets of footsteps behind her. Allowing herself a quick glance, she saw the stoic Native American and the one Maya had called Rodrigo following them as a sort of rear guard. Maya stayed where she had been when Michel had turned his chainsaw on her as if petrified to the spot.

One day later, when Allen had recovered somewhat, they left for the Main Branch, dragging along a reluctant Maya as they boarded the plane.

\---

_August 7, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Lavi tried to be discreet about following Yuu this time. It was very early in the morning, and Yuu had left Lavi’s room with his towel, obviously intent on bathing. Yuu had had another nightmare that night. He had thrashed and convulsed on his stomach, his back arching sometimes with what seemed like a phantom pain. The most disturbing part was that Yuu hadn’t made a noise, just gasped in what seemed like stabilizing breaths. Lavi did not grab him this time, though he desperately wanted to. His sun was writhing in pain, and Lavi could do nothing about it but wait it out, feeling utterly helpless.

He waited until Yuu had left the room and then hustled behind him, hoping he was being secretive about it. He followed Yuu as he strode down to one of the training rooms. Lavi was glad to be there. He loved watching Yuu train. He’d loved it even before their extended stay in Hevlaska’s stomach. The way Yuu looked when he was training was intoxicating. He wore a look of absolute concentration as he exerted himself into a strong sweat. His attire was also a plus. He wore only the bandages around his chest and a light, breathable pair of pants. Lavi allowed his heart to beat frantically as he watched his favorite Exorcist run through routines of strikes and parries, blocks and attacks, until he was exhausted and breathing heavily. Yuu’s hair was up in its customary ponytail, and Lavi noticed something strange. His right ear was nicked and had a light scar on the cartilage, as if something sharp had gone through it at one time.

Lavi began to wonder just what the hell had happened in Yuu’s past to make him have such horrid nightmares. He caught sight of the dark-haired man sheathing his sword before deactivating it and made a hasty retreat, lest Yuu find him peeking in.

He waited outside the bathroom while Yuu showered and then followed him back to the other man’s room. After a moment, he cracked the door open. His mouth dropped to the floor. Suddenly, Yuu’s most recent nightmare made sense. The Japanese man's back was covered with horrible, disfiguring scars that ran this way and that, forming raised knots on his once-flawless skin. Lavi’s heart tightened, and it took him a moment to realize that he felt sorry that the other man had been hurt so much. But not so much sorry as… _anguished._ He wanted to take Yuu in his arms and physically squeeze the pain from the other man’s heart. It didn’t make sense, but he still wanted to do it.

He waited until the other man had dressed himself and then breezed into the room, unsure of which persona he was using at the moment.

“Howdy, Yuu-cha—” he cleared his throat, “er, Yuu.”

The other man stiffened at Lavi’s voice before turning and glaring at him.

“Just because I… care,” he said through gritted teeth, “doesn’t mean you’re allowed to barge into my room, _Baka Usagi._ ”

Lavi laughed. “Sure, I can. You barge into mine!” That wasn’t strictly true, but Lavi didn’t strictly care. He looked over at the lotus and let out an unintentional gasp. It was wilted even further than it had been the day before. He saw Yuu follow his gaze out of the corner of his eye. A second later, the man was in front of him, blocking the lotus from his view.

The other man didn’t say anything, just made sure he blocked the lotus from sight no matter how hard Lavi tried to see it.

\---

_August 9, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Yuu stood in front of his hourglass. Why was the flower wilting? He hadn’t been hurt, and instead of a single petal, the whole flower seemed darker and shriveled. It worried him. Was he running out of time? Yuu walked over to his desk chair and sat in it, staring at himself in the mirror. He didn’t know why his scars were coming back either, but there were the three he had received that one horrible night when he was eight, and if he looked at his back, he knew he would see all the belt welts he had gotten over the years, along with the strange, circular scars he’d gotten when his father had taken the tomato knife to him again. On his left cheek was the very light, faded scar from when his father had whipped the sake bottle into his face. He’d been six. He looked at his legs and shuddered at the marks that cluttered those. He refused to let himself remember how he’d gotten them. He switched his gaze to his right arm and the scar from where his father had broken it, shoving the bone through part of his skin. It throbbed in phantom pain, so he looked elsewhere. He looked at his hairline and the one light scar that poked through it. He knew how he’d gotten those. And how often. He didn’t need to think about those. There was a reason he kept his hair long.

Speaking of his hair… it was past his lower back again. He’d need to get Lenalee to cut it soon. He didn’t know how soon she’d be back, though, and Lavi seemed to be getting better, switching personas and discarding them so fast that it made Yuu dizzy. Yuu thought it was a sign that perhaps the other man was finding himself. Still, his hair was too long. It reached down to his upper thighs. Yuu sighed, walking over to his night stand and drawing a pair of scissors from it. He’d have to cut it himself.

He pulled his desk chair up to the full-length mirror and sat on it, bringing the scissors up.

His door slammed open. Yuu looked over to see the stupid rabbit walk in.

“Yuu! What the fuck are you doing?” Lavi shouted in alarm. “Don’t kill yourself! I need you!” He strode over to Yuu and wrestled the scissors from his grip.

“ _Che,_ ” Yuu scoffed. “I was going to cut my hair, _baka._ ”

Lavi’s face relaxed. “Really?” He asked, a smile already forming on his stupid face. “I didn’t think you the type.”

“Lenalee normally does it,” Yuu confessed in a small, irritated voice.

“Oh. Why don’t I do it, then? That way, it’ll be even!” Lavi said running a hand through the ends of Yuu’s hair.

“Fine,” Yuu grunted, and Lavi set about his work. He didn’t even need to ask Yuu how long he wanted it, because his keen Bookman’s eye already knew the precise length. Lavi grabbed Yuu’s new, durable hairbrush and combed it lightly through his hair. Yuu closed his eyes. For some reason, the light pressure on his scalp felt good, safe.

A hand ran over the top of his scalp, carding through the hair, and he froze. The hand left immediately, and Yuu relaxed. The hand came back, and he became stiff as a rod. He growled at Lavi, but the touch was gone as soon as it had appeared.

“Sorry, Yuu,” Lavi said softly. Yuu felt his hair being cut, and the two remained in silence as Lavi did his work meticulously. Every once in a while, a hand would go over the top of his head, and one time, it brushed over one of his mottled scars, where it stopped. Yuu couldn’t suppress a shiver at each light touch. He did _not_ like it when people touched the top of his head, especially when their hands were in his hair.

He must have growled again, because Lavi was suddenly cutting his fringe and two mid-length strands of hair.

“There you go, Yuu-ch—er, Yuu,” Lavi said. Yuu’s chest gave a little twinge. For some reason, it annoyed him that the stupid rabbit was leaving off that hated honorific.

“Why aren’t you calling me with that infernal honorific?” He asked bluntly.

“Because you hate it,” Lavi replied nonchalantly as he brushed Yuu’s back and shoulders off.

“I don’t… mind it when it’s you,” he replied, his voice gruff at the awkward admission.

Lavi’s eye widened slightly. “Really? Well, that’s great, Yuu-chan!” Yuu hit him on the arm.

“Never mind, I take that back. It really _does_ bother me. Don’t ever call me that again.”

“Nope! You’re just lyin’ now, Yuu-chan! You can’t take back what you honestly think!”

Yuu glared at him, but the idiot redhead was not deterred. In fact, he had taken the admission as something of an invitation to sit on Yuu’s lap and throw his arms around him. And now his hands were back in his hair, running over the many scars that ran over his scalp.

“ _Yamero,_ ” he barked. Lavi didn’t.

“Nope. You’re going to tell me where you got these, Yuu-chan,” he said. His voice was soft, though, as if Yuu had an actual choice about responding. Gently, Lavi bent over and placed his lips on each scar. Yuu froze solid, petrified. He was one with the chair. They were one solid entity.

“Tell me, Yuu. I really want to know,” Lavi whispered against his hair.

“No,” Yuu whispered back, his voice suddenly forgotten. He couldn’t make a noise.

Lavi pulled him from the chair, hugging Yuu tightly. Yuu fought to get away, pushing at any part of the _baka usagi_ he could reach, but he couldn’t get free no matter how hard he tried.

Hot lips touched his, and this time he relaxed. It was… nice. But that couldn’t be. Because kisses were never nice. But this one was. Yuu was confused. But Lavi’s tongue was on his bottom lip, asking for admittance, and Yuu allowed it before he even realized what he was doing. He didn’t even realize it was happening, but he was suddenly sitting on his bed with Lavi standing over him. Their tongues tangled, making him moan—he _moaned?_ —and then he was being pushed back onto the mattress. A hand came up, tangling in the hair by his right ear, and Yuu snapped.

“ _GET OFF!_ ” He shouted in Japanese, fighting the contact with everything he had. He brought his fist back and punched Lavi hard on his left cheek, throwing the other man from the bed with its force. He ran from the room and headed to the training rooms. He needed to do something to get his mind off of what had just happened, and he needed to stop hyperventilating. Hopefully, by the time he got back to his room, Lavi would be gone.

\---

_August 10, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Yuu had looked in on Lavi before going to sleep. The other man had been sleeping deeply—it was, after all, two in the morning—and Yuu decided he could sleep in his own room that night. He wasn’t ready to be with Lavi again. Too many memories were too close to the surface, and he wouldn’t be able to keep his indifferent exterior in place if he was too close to Lavi.

He didn’t sleep well—he never had. Still, he slept worse than usual, and at eleven in the morning, he woke in a cold sweat from his latest nightmare. He sighed, knowing he wouldn’t get anymore sleep. Grabbing a towel, he went to do the necessities. But first, he’d go check on Lavi. He opened the next door and found the other Exorcist gone. His heart beat a bit faster, but he kept his fear in check. Lavi may have gotten hungry and gone to the cafeteria on his own, not waiting for Yuu as he usually did. He may have decided to give Yuu some space after the disastrous incident the night before.

Yuu tried to ignore his growing sense of doom as he showered. He even passed Lavi’s room without checking in again before he got dressed. And, damn it, he didn’t need to check before he ate breakfast. He didn’t see Lavi there, and he hurried through his meal. He walked faster than usual back to his room. He stood with his hand on the knob, trying to force himself to not check on the other man.

He failed.

His heart stopped. Lavi still wasn’t there. Yuu began to worry, thinking back. Why wouldn’t Lavi be in his room? He normally never left it unless Yuu forced him to. The only times he’d left by himself were when he’d been—what had Darcy called it?—“emo.” Yuu’s heart froze mid-beat, icing over.

He suddenly needed to see the other man _right now._ He ran to the library. Lavi wasn’t there. He checked Bookman’s room, but Lavi wasn’t there, either. He checked some other nooks and crannies before remembering the tower. What if Lavi had gone suicidal? He’d been that way before, hadn’t he?

Yuu’s eyes widened. The other time he’d been up on the tower was after he’d pushed the other man away. He flew to the stairwell and took the steps two or three at a time. He hit two people—was that Lenalee and _Moyashi?_ —and barked something at them, not stopping. Lavi was too important, too pressing a matter, for him to stop. He threw open the heavy door and stopped, his heart in his throat.

He’d found Lavi.

The man was standing, legs shoulder-width apart and arms out to his sides, on the railing. Yuu watched, horror-struck, as Lavi lifted his left foot and balanced it out in the air in front of him. Thankfully, he put it back on the railing. Yuu strode forward slowly, numb from absolute shock. _If Lavi fell…_ but he couldn’t think about that. _Could he survive it?_... but he wasn’t thinking about that. _If Lavi died…_ but he absolutely, positively was not. Thinking. About. That.

Lavi leaned forward, and Yuu’s heart lurched, forcing him into action. He reached the railing as Lavi started his fall. He caught the man’s wrist. Lavi twisted as his shoulder rolled so he was facing the tower. Then his weight caught up, and his hand was jerked from Yuu’s.

Yuu watched, horrified, as Lavi fell.

He stumbled back from the rail, his legs shaking beneath him until they couldn’t support his weight and he tumbled down. He looked, unseeing, at his hands. _I missed,_ he thought, horrified. _I failed. Just like I failed her. He’s dead. Just like her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I ate too much ice cream... remind me never to eat a full pint in one sitting... X( Also, don't kill us. There is a happy ending.


	11. Doubt and Trust

Chapter 10—Doubt and Trust

__August 10, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

Lenalee had never been so glad to be back home. It wasn’t as if that had been the longest mission she’d ever been on, but for some reason, being away from the few people who remained in her heart hurt more than it should have. _Still,_ she thought, _I have my Allen._ He always cheered her up.

It was a tight fit on the service lift to the top, but Lenalee didn’t mind it. She leaned, weary, against the wall and felt Allen’s presence beside her doing the same. His hand lightly twined with hers, and they closed their eyes as they began to relax. If any of the other Exorcists noticed anything, they didn’t mention it. Maya, however, seemed to shoot Lenalee a scandalized look as they all disembarked, but that could have been from the slight she had suffered a few days ago.

Allen had made a surprisingly quick recovery, having only been in the chains for a short time, and he barely made a grunt or wince of pain when he moved. He was carrying his upper body more stiffly than usual, but Lenalee knew he was probably just very, very sore. His muscles had not been overly damaged, nor had any bones. The worst of the injuries seemed to be the non-healing wound near his Adam’s Apple and the raw scabs that encircled his wrists and, to a lesser extent, his ankles. Lenalee had a feeling his Innocence would boost up his healing time, just as it had patched up the hole in his heart, so she wasn’t too worried.

“You can all wait outside the Director’s office while we give our report. After the meeting, you’ll be given rooms, and I’ll give you all a quick tour of the place if you haven’t been here in a while,” Lenalee said to the other Exorcists absently, squeezing Allen’s hand, just to make sure he was still there with them. He had been a bit quiet since the whole incident in the South American Branch, but Lenalee knew he was only hurting. He would be fine. He looked down at her, shooting her a small smile. Lenalee gave him a significant look as they headed into Smith’s office. They would be talking about this later.

“Ah, I see you’ve made it back, General Walker, Miss—General Lee,” Smith said genially, coughing to cover his slip-up. “Would you mind reporting what happened during the course?” He asked, though Lenalee knew it was anything but a request. She exchanged knowing glances with Allen and turned back to the Director she had come to loathe.

She recounted all the events, the small, inconsequential missions they’d gone on while waiting for the Exorcists to make it back to their branches. The Director made small grunting noises of understanding as she spoke. She faltered when she got to the South American Branch.

“Please continue, Miss Lee,” Director Smith said smilingly.

“General,” Allen grunted beside her, and Lenalee smiled.

“General Lee, then.”

“We got to the South American Branch, and both of the Exorcists had been put on an urgent mission to Ecuador. I needed to take care of some errands for that branch in the northern part of Argentina, where there’s a small Finder base—you know, routine things, paperwork, and all that.” The Director nodded, urging her to continue. “Well, one night, I was filling out some papers for this one Finder—Miguel was his name—and suddenly, I got really, really tired. I fell asleep, and I saw Allen done up in chains, and then I—” Lenalee felt Allen’s free hand come to rest on her shoulder.

“Lenalee,” he said, and she understood at once what he meant. The rest of that scene had been private. It had been very, very private, and no one else should know about that wonderful, perfect girl but them. No one else deserved to.

“—and then I woke up, and I had the strangest urge to get back to the South American Branch immediately. I got back there, and I couldn’t find Allen. They chained him up because he—because they found out about the Noah in him,” Lenalee concluded, glad she hadn’t slipped up and mentioned that Allen had lost control again. The Order wouldn’t put up with it a second time.

“Very well. When you have time, write your report out and submit it to me. Now, I’ll have someone find them some rooms. We’ll have everyone—and I do mean everyone, even those two slackers who have been skiving their duties for a month now—meet in the dining hall for dinner.” The Director sat back, and he opened a drawer, producing a rather large cigar.

“Wait, are you talking about Kanda-kun and Lavi?” Lenalee asked urgently. Lavi had been mentally… unstable, but he was a strong man and should have been able to heal from it by now.

“Haven’t gone on a fucking mission since France,” the Director growled, lighting his cigar. Lenalee coughed at the pungent aroma and backed out.

“We’re leaving now,” she said, pulling Allen from the room.

“Shall we take a walk?” She asked as the heavy doors closed behind her. She fought down the sense of indignation at the foul British man smoking in that office, throwing her pent-up frustration into her overly-bright smile.

“Sure,” Allen replied, giving her hand a squeeze. “Where to?”

“Well, I’m sure it’s a nice day. Why don’t we head up to the tower?” She wanted to go somewhere private for them to talk.

Allen nodded, and they walked in silence as they reached the stairwell. They hadn’t gone far up the steps when an echoing slam came from behind. They turned around in time to see Kanda-kun come barreling up the steps, his eyes wide with desperation and a set look on his face. He slammed into Allen, and Lenalee was brought down with the force. Kanda-kun stumbled and turned back, slowing his pace for just a moment.

“Lavi,” was all he said before turning and running harder than ever up the never-ending spiral of steps.

Lenalee’s heart froze. Understanding hit her like a kick to the head.

“Allen, I’m sorry, but I have to break my promise again. Can you last a few minutes without me?” She asked, already turning away.

“I’ll be fine,” he said, but he sounded overwhelmed. Lenalee gave him a hug.

“Please, Allen, you have to be fine. I can’t lose both you and Lavi!” Tears fell freely from her face, and Allen nodded grimly.

“I’ll try,” he promised, letting her hand go. Lenalee flew up the steps.

She stopped a moment to catch her breath half way up. She should have activated her Innocence. Looking out of the window to see what was going on in the observation deck above, Lenalee fell down with shock. Standing back up and noting Allen was behind her, she did a double take. Lavi was standing— _standing_ —on the thin, metal railing that separated the observation deck from the open air. She heard a gasp beside her.

“Lavi,” Allen breathed. He activated his Innocence, and the Crowned Clown lowered its mask over his head.

“There’s nothing you can do from here, Allen,” Lenalee moaned miserably. Even with her Innocence, she wouldn’t be fast enough, because Lavi was now balancing on one leg. Her eyes were fixated on him as he placed his leg back down and leaned forward.

Kanda-kun came out of nowhere, grabbing Lavi’s wrist. The man twisted into the wall, and then his hand slipped from Kanda-kun’s.

Lenalee’s heart stopped. She needed to do something—she was the only one who could.

“ACTIVATE!” She shouted, pushing the limits of her synch rate yet again. She bent her knees and launched herself out of the window, glass cutting through her entire body. “DARK BOOTS, I NEED YOU TO WALK ON AIR!” She screamed as she lost momentum, and her Innocence seemed to react to her wish, as the air beneath her boots became quite solid.

She wasn’t sure how she did it, nor how she was able to hold his weight, but she grabbed Lavi as he was falling, holding him around the waist. She used the now solid air and pushed off in a powerful jump that took her up to land not-so-gracefully on the observation deck. Lavi fell from her arms to the ground with the sharp sound of head hitting stone. Breathing deeply, she looked Lavi over and found him to be quite well, despite the recent strike to the head. Lavi could handle it—he’d been able to handle Bookman’s strikes with good grace, and those were _hard._

Lenalee felt sharp pain coursing through her legs, and she fell on her backside. She was dimly aware of the pain of glass embedded in her skin, but her legs were on fire. It reminded her of how they had felt after taking on that Level Three on her own, only that had been more of a steady ache, and this was… different. She chanced a glance at her legs and gasped. Instead of the dark red she had grown accustomed to, her Innocence was clear, glowing a faint green.

Past her feet, she saw Kanda-kun on the ground, staring blankly at his hands. He was trembling lightly, but other than that, he showed no signs of awareness.

“Kanda…kun?” She asked, trying to crawl over to him. She let out a scream of pain when she tried to move her legs.

The door opened, and Allen walked past her, heading for Lavi, who was sitting, dazed, in front of Lenalee, staring right at her. He threw all the force of his weight and velocity into a rocking punch to Lavi’s left cheek. Lavi went flying back four meters, doing a flip in the air and landing on his stomach. He groaned, and Allen walked up to him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.

“You have no idea how fucking selfish you’re being, Lavi,” he growled, his voice half-Allen and half-Musician. Allen’s skin was a light gray, but not ashen. His eyes remained their soulful gray, and no stigmata marred his forehead.

Lavi cringed away from Allen, who threw him to the ground as if he were toxic waste.

He turned and walked swiftly over to Lenalee, scooping her up in his arms.

“You can’t walk, can you?” He asked, and Lenalee shook her head. She didn’t think she’d be able to move for a long time.

“Lavi, what would Bookman say to this?” He asked coldly before turning on his heel and striding away. He was careful not to jostle Lenalee on the steps, but she was too thunderstruck to register the all-encompassing pain.

He walked her all the way to the Hospital Wing and gently laid her down on a bed. He walked away, and when he returned, he had a doctor. The doctor examined her with a frown on his face and a furrow in his brow, though he said nothing more than a few _hmmm’_ s and _ah’_ s. Lenalee wasn’t sure whether to be worried or not.

The doctor went off to confer with one of his colleagues as a nurse slowly and painstakingly removed each shard of glass from Lenalee’s skin.

\---

It was as if Bookman had both broken him and healed him. With Allen’s comment, all his confused perceptions of himself snapped into clarity, and he suddenly understood himself more plainly than he ever had. He was Lavi, an ex-Bookman, an Exorcist, and a man who was deeply in love with another man. He was smart—a genius, really—and dreadfully curious, to the point of being annoying. He was a serious man, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a great sense of humor. He liked to annoy people, and he also liked to make people laugh. He loved to smile, to make others do the same. Still, he would do anything to keep the people he cared for safe, especially the man he loved. That man was his sun, making him warm and happy all the time. His name was Yuu. The rest of his self-knowledge would come with time, as he got to know himself better.

He looked over at Yuu, and his heart sank. Yuu was not moving except for a small tremble that seemed to line him like a second skin. He watched as dark-haired man dropped his hands to his sides. He was… different, far different from anything Lavi had seen before. Lavi walked over, nursing his bruising cheek, and tried to touch Yuu.

The man flinched back, and Lavi recoiled immediately. His sun was hurt.

_I hurt my sun,_ he thought, his heart breaking. _I hurt him so bad he can’t even move. I did something completely unforgivable. And I_ hurt _him. I don’t remember exactly what it was that I did, but whatever it was, it_ hurt _him._ I _hurt him._

Tears streaked down from his face unashamedly. He held out a hand again, but Yuu flinched from his touch again.

“Yuu?” He asked quietly. The man seemed to relax at that. “Yuu, it’s time to go inside now.”

It was like he was speaking to a young child. Yuu looked up at him with blank eyes and the strangest, vulnerable look on his face. He nodded but didn’t move.

“Yuu,” Lavi tried again. “It’s nearly dinnertime. We need to go in. You don’t want to miss a meal, do you?”

The man in front of him shook his head roughly from side to side, his hair whipping Lavi. Slowly, he scrambled to get up and followed Lavi as he led him down the stairs.

“Hey, Yuu, why don’t we go get you changed so that you’re wearing something clean for dinner, _ne?_ ” Yuu’s head perked up at the little Japanese tag at the end of the sentence, and Lavi was hit with inspiration.

“ _Ne, Yuu, let’s go back to your room, okay?_ ” He said in Japanese. The other man picked up his pace slightly, and Lavi led the way, shooting glares at anyone who tried to hail the two of them.

They reached the door, and after much coaxing, Lavi got Yuu to enter it. Yuu screamed as Lavi tried to undress him, so Lavi set out a pair of pajamas and turned away.

“ _Yuu, put those on, ne?_ ” He said. He heard the rustle of the other man’s nod, and after a moment, he turned around to see a pajama-clad Yuu. “ _Now sit down on the bed. You must be sleepy._ ” The Japanese man nodded again and sat down. Lavi grabbed his hairbrush and ignored the man’s flinching long enough to get most of the day’s tangles from it. He told Yuu to lay down, and he did. He looked up at Lavi as he covered the other man, and he muttered, “ _you’re dead._ ” It was the last thing he said for days.

\---

Lavi looked over at Yuu, who was curled up next to him in the bed. The second Lavi had sat down, Yuu had done something completely unexpected. Instead of flinching away as he had since the observation deck, he had turned and thrown his arms around Lavi’s waist. Lavi sat against the headboard, reading through the book Amanda had given Yuu. He rather enjoyed it. The attention to detail and the asides about each character’s lineage were fascinating, and it made for a very good read. Two hours after beginning it, there was a banging on the door. Without ado, it slammed open, and Yuu opened a groggy, blank eye before deciding it not worth his attention and falling back into his half-unconscious state. Lavi growled as fucking Director Smith barged bodily into the room.

“I’m here to interrupt your homosexual love-fest,” the Director snapped nastily.

“Get out,” he hissed, narrowing his eyes hatefully and grabbing his Innocence from its permanent place on his right thigh. This man had no idea what was going on and had no right to make assumptions.“Before I kill you.”

“Your fucking homo ass would never do that to a superior.” _Superior?_ Lavi scoffed inside his head, this man did not deserve his respect. He’d give the man a reason to think twice before entering an Exorcist’s room unannounced.

“ _Activate,_ ” Lavi hissed again. He noted that the pole grew thicker to accommodate his hands’ limited range of motion. As he gripped it, pain flowed like lava threw his hands, and he screamed with it. His hands glowed with five long, thin rivets of green light, following the metal that had replaced his shattered bones. They sparked and sputtered furiously, painfully.

He screamed and screamed until the only thing he was aware of was his strong grip on the hammer in his hands, until his voice shattered and fell away like his hands had. Bile rose up in his throat, and he leaned over, emptying his lunch onto Yuu’s sheets. His body felt hot and slick with sweat, and he couldn’t concentrate on the scene in front of him.

“What’s going on in here?” It was Allen’s voice. Lavi looked up, tunnel vision limiting his view. “Smith, get the hell out. Something’s wrong with Lavi’s Innocence.”

“It’s not my fault his Innocence is rejecting him because he’s going against God with his sexuality.”

Lavi screamed, this time in anger, and he tightened his burning hands on Oodzuchi Kodzuchi’s handle. It thinned down to its usual size with the force, and Lavi howled as blood spurted forth like a geyser from his barely-healed hands.

“Who I love has nothing to do with my Innocence,” he said, his tone low and dangerous. “ _Hiban._ ”

Fire swirled from the end of his hammer, and only a hastily placed Clown Belt kept it from hitting its target. His fire seal flew back to his Innocence and swirled around it in a threatening manner. The thin line of fire sputtered and growled at Smith as his face darkened in rage.

“I will see you excommunicated for this,” Smith threatened, light burns on his face and arms where the Clown Belt had failed to protect him.

“Even though this organization forced me to become Catholic, I have never been more than Atheist, so I don’t really see a problem in that,” Lavi said nonchalantly, running his hand absently over the pummel of his Innocence. “Besides, you can’t afford to lose another Exorcist.”

“I lost you and that Chinese hermaphrodite weeks ago,” Smith hissed, pure, unadulterated loathing in his eyes.

Lavi felt his face grow a similar look as he narrowed his eyes. He gripped Oodzuchi Kodzuchi as hard as his hands would allow, physically restraining himself from attacking again. “I can forgive you for the hermaphrodite comment, because I know it’s not true, and not even Yuu would be insulted by it, but the fact that you called him Chinese… that’s different. It shows just how ignorant, incompetent, and bigoted you are. Someone like you should not be in charge of the Main Branch. Komui is probably rolling around in his grave—or rather, shaking in his urn, as he was probably cremated by the Order’s laws—at your despicably lacking managing skills. Just as you will see me excommunicated, I will see _you_ thrown from your office by your highly competent replacement.”

“It’s your word against mine,” Smith growled, clenching his fists menacingly. Lavi felt no fear at the action. Really, what could the man do?

Allen cleared his throat, and the two fighting Order members looked at him. Timcanpy was on his head, projecting the scene that had just transpired. “Actually,” he said, clearing his throat again. “It’s Timcanpy’s word against yours. And the five Generals as well, I should think.” He smiled darkly, indicating his Dark Side was showing. This time, Lavi felt the fear running a shiver down his spine, and he was very glad Allen was on his side.

\---

_August 11, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Lenalee found the wheelchair both tiresome and extremely annoying. She couldn’t get anywhere fast, and when she was moving it on her own, she grew tired far faster than she would have liked. Thankfully, Allen was usually by her side, taking her wherever she asked and chattering happily about whatever came to mind. Lenalee relaxed to its soothing quality, but she was jarred out of it as they saw Smith storming past them, an irate look on his burly features.

“Do you mind?” Allen questioned, gesturing to Smith. Lenalee shook her head.

“Go ahead, Allen. Let’s see what’s going on.” Allen nodded and rolled her down the hallway.

They ended up at Kanda-kun’s room just as Smith barged into the room, saying something so completely vulgar that Lenalee gasped. Far worse was Lavi’s reply. He hissed it, and a flash of green light hit the room at the Director’s answering taunt. An agonized scream rippled through the air. Allen flashed Lenalee an apologetic look and stepped into the room, asking what was wrong.

As he walked in, Lenalee saw Timcanpy flutter to Allen’s forehead. With Allen in the doorway, she couldn’t see the Director or Lavi, but she could hear Lavi as he shrieked louder. Lenalee tried to maneuver the wheelchair into a better position, but she couldn’t see anything at all, no matter the angle. She cursed her nonresponsive legs, wishing she could get into the room. Allen moved as the Clown Belt shot out around the fire that suddenly erupted in the room. Lenalee’s view was no longer obstructed, and she gasped at the sight in front of her. Lavi’s hands were oozing blood as he lightly stroked his Innocence, fire dancing and twining around it like the snake it was. Next to him on the blood-spattered bed was Kanda-kun, who was obviously very fast asleep. Otherwise, he would have shot up at the horrible comment Smith made a moment later. It felt like a slap to her face. If she could have gotten into the room easily, she would have hit Smith hard enough to throw him to the ground. Seething with rage, she was very glad when Allen promised to have Smith removed from his unearned office.

“We’re going down to the Grand Marshalls to solve this problem. We can also stop by and see Hevlaska about your Innocence,” Allen said, beginning to push her to the large lift that ran through the entire Headquarters.

They arrived minutes later, and the Grand Marshalls illuminated their chairs with spotlights, just as they had one hundred and fourteen years in the past.

“We knew you were coming, Allen Walker,” the one in the middle intoned.

“Did you now?”

“Yes, we knew you’d come here about Lenalee Lee’s Innocence. There is something you’d like to know.” The speaker talked clearly, as if stating facts.

“Actually, I’m here for more than that,” Allen replied. There was a murmur of interest from the five chairs above. He displaced Timcanpy from his head, gesturing for him to fly up to the Grand Marshalls. Timcanpy displayed the happenings of the last few minutes, and Lenalee knew that if she could see the Grand Marshalls’ faces, they would be disturbed.

Silence followed Tim’s projection, and no one spoke for several minutes.

“This is… distressing,” said the middle one, the spokesperson. There was a murmur of general agreement from the others around him. “The Exorcist called Lavi will have to be punished for his digressions.”

Allen looked stricken.

“Smith needs to be replaced,” Lenalee said coldly, inviting herself into the conversation. “Lavi only attacked because Smith provoked him.”

“He still attacked a superior, Lenalee Lee, and he must therefore be punished.”

A movement from behind stopped Lenalee’s response.

“A third Exorcist has passed the Double Critical,” Hevlaska said solemnly.

There was silence from the Grand Marshalls.

“What is this?” A voice from the second chair asked.

“The one who calls himself Lavi has passed the Critical Point a second time. His synch rate is somewhere in the range of 205 percent.” Lenalee and Allen gaped.

“We were aware of only one other, Hevlaska,” the middle Grand Marshall intoned, taking up his place as spokesperson again.

“We have known for a long time that Allen Walker hit Double Critical over a century ago during his fight with the Earl. Yesterday afternoon, however, there was another one. Lenalee Lee has synched with her Innocence far beyond the capacity of a normal General, as you can see from her current state.” Hevlaska gestured with one tentacle to Lenalee’s unmoving legs. They no longer hurt, but Lenalee could not make them budge on her own. Someone needed to move them for her, and she was secretly terrified that she would never regain use of them. She had told Allen as much, of course, and he hadn’t known how to console her, simply pulling her into a very gentle embrace. That contact and quiet understanding had done far more for her than any words could have.

“So her Innocence wasn’t broken, as you informed us yesterday?” the middle Grand Marshall said. Hevlaska nodded, and the Grand Marshall continued, “however, if Lavi has hit Double Critical, there is no way we can remove him from the Order. He is too needed. He will go lightly punished, regardless of how we find him when we try him later.”

Lenalee gasped. “You’re going to try Lavi? Under what charges?”

“Attempted murder of an officer and failure to comply with orders. The Japanese Exorcist, Kanda Yuu, will also be tried under the second offense.”

Allen scoffed. “Good luck with that one,” he said rudely, snorting with laughter. “I’ve never seen him that dead. I can’t wait to tease him about it.”

“He’s dead?” The spokesperson shouted, shocked.

“Well, it’s more like he’s catatonic at the moment, so he’s technically alive, but he’s dead to the world.” He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. “To everyone except Lavi, of course,” he added.

“Explain.” It was a command, roughly spoken.

“Have you not been watching the Order as well as you claim to?” Allen asked rhetorically. Lenalee stifled a giggle. It seemed the Dark Order was full of incompetent people these days.

“Are you referring to the former Bookman’s mental illness?”

Lenalee bristled. “I think he’s entitled to a little breakdown. He’s lived through far more war than any of us—you included,” she said coldly.

“Regardless of his motives, he still tried to kill someone, something punishable under any law.”

Allen and Lenalee argued with them for hours, but it just went around in circles, neither side budging. Lenalee knew that they couldn’t stop the trial from happening, and they couldn’t get the Grand Marshalls to see the facts behind the attack.

“If you’re going to charge Lavi and Kanda-kun, at least charge Smith as well,” Lenalee demanded for the hundredth time. The Marshalls refused again.

“How about this,” Allen said, looking as if he had been struck by sudden genius. “If all five Generals agree to it, you will remove Smith from his office and the Order.”

The Grand Marshalls huffed amongst themselves and excused themselves for a moment. They were gone for a good hour. Upon their return, they agreed. Lenalee smiled, thanking them. She shared a triumphant look with Allen. Getting the other three Generals to agree with them was going to be very, very easy.

\---

_August 20, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Tuan Chu and Tamas Varga had both readily agreed to side with Allen and Lenalee. They had both mentioned noticing the man’s growing incompetence but had been completely shocked by Timcanpy’s evidence. Cyrah Kabbah had stunned them both. Lenalee had been prepared to remove her earlier threat and had told the woman so, but she had disagreed, stating that she would consent to back them without bribery. Her hand twitched to her whip as if itching to beat the foul Director—or perhaps the Grand Marshalls. Lenalee had known for a while that the Order was corrupt—after all, they did horrific tests on innocent human subjects—but she had never felt it was this unbearable. It had gotten better close to the end all those years ago, as the Order could no longer afford to go against its Exorcists, but the fact that such corruption still remained sickened Lenalee. She was immensely glad she now had the power to do something about it.

Lenalee walked down the hallway, a tray of coffee in her hands. She was very relieved to be moving on her own power again. Her legs had gradually regained mobility over the course of the past week and a half, and now she had full range of motion again. She smiled happily at that fact and looked down at the clear rings around her ankles. Every time they caught the light, they glinted Innocence green, as if showing off their power. Reaching her goal, Lenalee held out a hand and rapped loudly on Kanda-kun’s door.

“Lavi, I’m coming in,” she said, pushing the door open. The sight before her was exactly the same as it had been each time she’d come by. Lavi was sitting with his back against the headboard, and Kanda-kun was lying, comatose, on the bed. The only difference was that Kanda-kun was facing away from Lavi, rather than toward him. She had seen him like that a few times, and each time seemed to be while he was actually asleep, rather than in the protective stupor he’d been in since Lavi’s failed suicide attempt.

Lenalee had been around more than was necessary, as she wasn’t sure of Lavi’s mental stability. He had seemed to bounce right back, and he no longer seemed depressed. He was different, though, more serious and smiling less. Whenever he saw her, he gave her a small smile, which was different from the smiles he’d always given her before, and Lenalee thought it seemed more genuine, as if his smiles before had meant nothing. Which she knew was true.

“Lavi, I brought coffee,” she said, holding the tray out for him as she reached the bedside, stepping over piles of thick books.

Lavi sniffed it cautiously. “You haven’t drugged this again, have you?” He asked. Lenalee blushed. After the first three days, it had become very clear that Lavi had not slept at all. Her newest friend, Artemis, had been kind enough to lend her sleeping pills, and she had remorselessly thrown them into Lavi’s drink. He’d realized what she’d done a moment too late, and Lenalee suspected that that had been the only time he’d actually slept since Kanda-kun had gone despondent.

“You know I have,” Lenalee replied as Lavi put the mug back on her tray, nose wrinkling.

“You know, I thought I could trust Miranda, but wouldn’t you know? I felt horribly sleepy last night, and when I woke up, there was a broken mug on the ground and coffee stains on the sheets. Did you know narcotics are illegal?”

Lenalee blushed harder. Just what had Miranda put in his coffee? She’d asked Miranda to put in something that would make him sleep, but—

“I really don’t like being doped up on Morphine,” Lavi continued, “and when I woke up, Yuu was screaming. And from the sound of his voice, it had been going on for a while. You know what he was screaming, Lenalee?”

Horrified, she shook her head.

“It was my name.”

Lenalee’s heart ached. She ducked her head. “I’ll stop doing it,” she said.

“I don’t particularly care that you’re trying to make me sleep—I don’t even care about the Morphine—but I do care that I wasn’t awake to help Yuu. You know, that was the first thing he’d said in days. When he opened his eyes, he mentioned something about me not being there, that I was dead.”

She felt tears falling steadily from her eyes.

“Lenalee, why does Yuu think I’m dead?”

“You don’t remember?” She asked thickly, trying not to choke on her tears.

“I know I did something bad, but I don’t know what it was.”

“You’re telling me you don’t remember jumping off the observation deck?!” She asked, her voice becoming shrill as she unintentionally screamed the last few words.

Lavi looked taken aback.

“I did what?” He asked, his voice blank with shock.

“And Kanda-kun tried to catch you. He missed, though.”

“How am I still alive?” He asked in wonder.

“Why do you think my Innocence evolved again?” She asked rhetorically. “I saved you.” Lavi opened his mouth to ask another question, but Lenalee spoke on. “I saw you jump as I was passing one of the tower’s windows, so I jumped out of it. I used my Innocence to get to you in time. I was at the farthest window, and since most of the power of my jump went into shattering the glass, I couldn’t quite reach you. I don’t know how I did it, but I made my Innocence solidify the air around it and was able to catch you.”

Lavi, for once, looked at a loss for words.

“You’re very heavy, you know,” Lenalee added.

“I know,” he answered, his voice devoid of all emotion and his eye wide. “Did I really do that?” He asked after a while, his voice thin with some foreign thing Lenalee couldn’t place.

“Yes,” she said in a hushed voice. Lavi looked down sadly at his lap, and his Innocence-ridden hand twirled absently in the ends of Kanda-kun’s hair. She saw a solitary tear glisten as it fell down his face.

“Yuu told me he cared about me,” he mentioned, still playing with Kanda-kun’s hair.

Lenalee gaped.

“I know,” Lavi said, grimacing. “It must mean he cares a lot, because otherwise he wouldn’t be like this. If he wakes up, he’ll kill me himself, just for doing this to him.”

“When,” Lenalee corrected quietly.

“Eh?”

“‘ _When_ he wakes up,’ not ‘ _if,_ ’” Lenalee said firmly. Lavi shook his head.

“I don’t know if he will. After what I did to him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t.”

Understanding hit Lenalee like one of Komui’s inventions. Lavi was feeling guilt—not that horrible feeling when one does something wrong, but that all-encompassing feeling of complete and utter _responsibility_. Lavi felt _guilty_ for Kanda-kun’s current state. It had been his fault—there was no denying that—but to feel it to this extent was ridiculous.

“Lavi, you need to stop feeling responsible for this. Kanda-kun’s been on the verge of this since he joined the Order. You just… pushed him over the edge. It was bound to happen eventually,” she said soothingly, putting a comforting hand on Lavi’s cheek.

“Eh?” He asked, and his eye looked entirely hopeless.

“I’ve been down that road before. I know what mental pain is like. When I first met Kanda-kun, I knew something was wrong. I heard General Tiedoll talking to the Director—that was before Komui got there—and he mentioned something about severe abuse. Kanda-kun doesn’t show it, but whatever life he had before the Order was so entirely traumatic that it took nearly half a year for him to even begin to trust Tiedoll. He didn’t, you know, before he met Hevlaska…” Lenalee’s voice trailed as she remembered. Slowly, she began to explain what happened to Lavi.

_January 15, 1879—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

It was Wednesday. Lenalee didn’t care. It was like every other day: empty. But today, something different happened, breaking the monotony, if only slightly. The Director told her to go greet the arriving General and his students. She knew that Noise Marie had been traveling with Tiedoll for a while, but she’d heard that Tiedoll had picked up a new pupil. She very much looked forward to meeting them. Her only friends were the Finders or members of the Science Department. And even then, they weren’t real friends, just people she talked to. The only real friend she had was the Matron, and she only got to talk to her when the old woman wasn’t busy, which wasn’t often. She had a lonely life. It wasn’t hard to figure out why, though. She had no parents, and the Dark Order had even separated her from her one remaining family member. She missed Komui. She always would.

The General strode through the main gates, and behind him, she could make out the muscular form of Noise Marie. She heard a light shuffling sound following them and saw a third person. She was very small, with chin-length hair. She wore Japanese-style clothing, and she clutched a large, thin sword as she shuffled in. It was nearly as tall as she was. She couldn’t have been more than six or seven. What struck Lenalee most, though, was her flat, lifeless eyes. They were as dark as night and matched her hair color completely. She stooped, making her look even shorter, and she was skeletally thin. Lenalee knew that if she were to see the other girl shirtless, she would see very defined ribs. Her face was almost gaunt, as if she had only recently stopped eating.

Tiedoll marched past her, patting her on the head as he went by.

“Take care of our newest Exorcist. His name is Kanda Yuu.” He gave her a fatherly smile and moved on, gesturing for Marie to follow.

_His? This young child was male? How?_

“W-welcome t-to the Dark O-order, Kanda Yuu,” she managed to stammer out through her shock. “I’m Lenalee Lee. I’ve been here for two years now, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask.”

The tiny boy in front of her didn’t make any acknowledgment of what she had said, staring out into space and shaking as if he were cold.

“Are you hungry?” Lenalee asked. The boy shook his head infinitesimally. “Of course you are. You look it. Come on, we’re getting you something to eat.” She grabbed the boy’s hand and started to pull him to the dining hall. Immediately, she regretted it. He flinched back, and for the first time, his face took on some emotion. Lenalee wished he had remained impassive. His eyes had gone wide in barely suppressed panic, and his mouth opened as he drew in a fearful gasp.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m sorry,” she said, drawing back and throwing her hands up in surrender. The boy shrank back, clutching his overlarge sword tightly. His shivering had gotten worse.

“I promise I’ll never touch you again,” she said, hoping that would be enough to get the boy to respond.

“I am hungry.” His words were halting, as if he was having trouble finding and pronouncing them. He sounded a lot like she had when she had first learned English.

“Okay, then. Follow me, and I’ll take you to the dining hall.” She smiled at him and then turned around, walking slowly until she was sure the boy was following her.

“So, you’re Japanese, right?” She asked, and she turned to look in time to see the boy nod. “What would you like to be called, then?”

“Kanda,” he said, his voice very quiet, just as it had been when he’d spoken before.

“Would you mind if I added an honorific? I know it’s considered rude in Japan not to use one. How about I call you Kanda-kun, since you’re younger than me?” She looked back again. He looked affronted.

“I am ten,” he said, still in that hushed tone.

“Really? Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were younger. You don’t mind if I call you Kanda-kun, though, do you? I think Kanda-san sounds too formal.” The boy shuddered when he heard “Kanda-san,” and Lenalee resolved right there never to call him that.

Their conversation lapsed into silence until they reached the dining hall. She handed Kanda-kun a tray as she grabbed one for herself. They stood in the short line, and she waited as Jerry stared, wide-eyed at the newest Exorcist.

“Hey, cutie, what’s your name?” Jerry asked. Kanda-kun shrank back and broke eye contact. “What would you like to eat?”

“Tempura,” Kanda-kun replied quietly, still looking away.

“I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to speak up, Lil’ Bit.”

Kanda-kun didn’t reply, just continued looking away. Lenalee stepped up. “He said tempura, Jerry,” she told the man.

“Alright then. It’ll be ready in a minute, Lil’ Bit.” Jerry smiled cheerily at Kanda-kun, but the young boy didn’t see it. He was now looking down at the empty tray he carried in his hands. Lenalee didn’t know how he managed it, but the boy was able to carry the sword at his chest while still holding the tray with two hands. When the tempura was finished, Lenalee led them to a table in the far off corner. No one was there, and Lenalee was sure that the boy would be glad of that.

They ate in silence, and after they finished, the General walked in. He looked relieved at the sight of Kanda-kun eating, and then he turned to Lenalee and asked her to take Kanda-kun down to Hevlaska’s chamber. He walked out, saying he would be there with the Director in a bit.

“Does your Innocence have a name?” She asked as they walked to the lift.

“Mugen,” the boy said quietly, proudly. He clutched the sword to his chest like a lifeline, and Lenalee made the connection.

“Do you know how to use a sword yet?”

“Chokuto,” he muttered.

“Come again?” Lenalee asked. The boy looked confused. “Could you repeat that?” She clarified.

“Not sword. It is a chokuto.” His voice was gruff this time.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. Do you know how to use your chokuto yet?”

“No,” he whispered, looking sullen. Lenalee wanted to reach out and grab his hand comfortingly, but she repressed the urge. She didn’t want the boy’s thin trust in her to be snapped.

“I’m an Exorcist too, you know,” she said conversationally. She got no response. Sighing, she looked over at Kanda-kun. “You don’t like me very much, do you?” She asked, and she was surprised to note the slight hurt in her voice.

“I … do not—understand,” the boy finally admitted. He looked utterly defeated, as if that confession had drained him of every ounce of his energy.

Lenalee started to explain, but the boy looked back at her blankly. She wondered how much of her light conversation the boy had really understood. She reminded herself that he’d only been with Tiedoll for a few months, so it couldn’t have been much. However, he was young, and he’d probably only been speaking English around his new Master. She knew he’d probably picked up a lot, but not nearly enough to be considered anything near fluent.

The Grand Marshalls walked into their chairs and sat down as the lift stopped. Lenalee walked off, and she was glad that Kanda-kun followed. The lift went back up, and Lenalee knew the General and the Director would be arriving soon.

She heard a small, shaking noise from behind her. Kanda-kun was looking upward, an expression of pure terror on his face. She followed his gaze and saw Hevlaska.

“Don’t worry, Kanda-kun, that’s Hevlaska. She’s an Exorcist as well. She’ll be inspecting your Innocence. It will feel weird, but it only lasts for a moment.”

The General and the Director arrived and urged Hevlaska to inspect Kanda-kun.

As the first tentacle snaked around his body to lift him up, Kanda-kun shivered. As he was lifted into the air, he went limp. Lenalee gasped. She had thought the boy shy and introverted, but this reaction was different. It was as if he had given up, and Lenalee had the shaking feeling that if she saw the boy’s eyes, they would be as blank as they’d been when he’d first arrived.

“Synchronization rate at ten percent… fifty-three percent… sixty-eight percent… eighty-five percent… eighty-seven percent,” Hevlaska stated after placing her forehead to Kanda-kun’s. Lenalee’s mouth dropped open.

“Such a high synch rate for one so young…” muttered one of the Grand Marshalls. “We can expect great things from this one.”

Lenalee remembered back to her first meeting with Hevlaska. Her synch rate had been in the twenties. Even now, it was very low, resting at a resolute thirty-three.

Hevlaska lowered the boy to the platform, and he fell limply to the ground as the support of her tentacles was removed. Lenalee watched as the General ran over to the boy.

“Yuu-kun,” he said in a worried voice. “Yuu-kun, wake up, its okay.”

“Kanda-kun,” Lenalee said, running to his side a moment later. “General Tiedoll, what’s wrong with him?”

“Yuu-kun has… many emotional scars,” the General said vaguely. “Would you take him to my quarters, Lenalee? I need to have a word with the Director.” His face looked angry, so Lenalee nodded and went to pick Kanda-kun up. He was surprisingly light, and Lenalee could carry him with ease.

She took him up the lift and brought him to the General’s room. Carefully, Lenalee placed him on the General’s soft bed. She had noted a smaller bed that was likely for him, but she thought he’d prefer the comfort, and she knew the General wouldn’t mind. He was a kind man, fatherly even. He was the only Exorcist who wasn’t distant with Lenalee. He treated her as if she was special, as if she was his own child.

She curled up on the opposite side of the large, king-size bed, and she pretended to be asleep as the Director and the General walked in.

“He has a very peculiar spell that allows him to heal very quickly,” the General said to the Director as the door opened. “It likely saved him from the Akuma bullet he was struck with back in Egypt. I believe it was placed on him to save him from a mortal injury. When I first found him, his entire body was covered in light scars. As I found him collapsed on the road, I believe that he may have been a runaway. I think he was heavily abused. Every reaction he’s given to me, coupled with the fact that he still doesn’t trust me, makes me believe my hypothesis is correct.” The General sounded wearied with emotion.

“He is still a very precious asset to this Order. You must train him well, Tiedoll. Ensure that he does not kill himself.”

“I don’t think he could if he tried,” the General responded sadly. He lightly rubbed the fringe from Kanda-kun’s forehead. He opened up the chest of Kanda-kun’s Japanese robe, and Lenalee saw a black symbol overtop his left breast.

The Director made a contemplative sound. “We’ll have to test this once he returns back to the Order. You say you want him to travel with you for a longer period of time?”

“Yes. I think it will allow him time to heal, away from the prying of other people. He seems to have taken to Lenalee, though. In such a short time, she’s gained what little trust it’s taken months for me to build.”

“If we are speaking of abuse, perhaps it’s not that surprising,” the Director said lightly. The General nodded, looking upset.

\---

_August 20, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Lavi looked horrified as she finished relaying the story.

“I’ll never hurt him again,” he said, and Lenalee knew he was talking to himself, making a promise that he would never allow himself to break.

“I was sent here to get you for your hearing,” Lenalee said, hating herself for bringing up another painful subject.

“I can’t leave him, not if he thinks I’m dead. Make them come here,” Lavi demanded almost childishly.

“They won’t be able to fit,” Lenalee answered, hoping that would be enough to get the man to leave. She knew better, though.

“Then some of them can stand in the hall!” Lavi exclaimed, extending his right arm outward in an outraged gesture.

“Lavi, let me stay with him,” she offered.

“But I can’t—I just promised never to hurt him again.” He turned an agonized eye on Lenalee. “It will hurt him if I leave.”

“They need him, too, so bring him with you.”

“What!?” Lavi shouted. Kanda-kun stirred next to him but otherwise remained comatose.

“I know it’s not fair, but we couldn’t talk the Grand Marshalls out of it. Don’t worry; I’ll make sure nothing bad happens while you’re being questioned. And if he asks for you, I don’t care about the consequences, I’ll barge in there and get you.”

“Do you promise?” Lavi asked desperately.

“You can trust my word, Lavi,” Lenalee promised. Lavi nodded reluctantly and glanced at the listless man next to him. He sighed, pushing the piles of books away from the bedside—Lenalee had the idea that Lavi had been reading the Order’s Law books—and shooed her from the room so he could get dressed. A moment later, he walked out with Kanda-kun over his shoulder, looking defeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, the plot has finally started to move! Don’t worry—it’ll stop in a bit! :P We weren’t expecting this whole issue with Smith to happen, but it did, so there you have it :/ Somehow, Artemis became the drug dealer for the Order (Miranda got the Morphine from her, too). You’ll see some of her around chapter thirteen or so. :D


	12. Uncomfortably Numb

Chapter 11—Uncomfortably Numb

__August 20, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

Lavi shifted uncomfortably in the wooden chair. It was straight-backed, and it cut painfully into the middle of his back. It was also too small, and his knees came up too high for him to find any form of relaxation in it.

“Exorcist Lavi, do you understand why you are before us today?” The middle Grand Marshall intoned.

“No,” Lavi replied nonchalantly, a large grin playing on his lips. “No, I don’t.” He shook his head slightly as he spoke.

The Grand Marshall snorted. “You are here under the charges of attempted murder and insubordination.”

“I was just trying to scare him!” Lavi protested, lying through his teeth. “I knew Allen was there to stop the attack, and no harm was done, minus a few burns that Smith brought upon himself. The only real reason I can think of for being here is to stop you from harassing Yuu.” He folded his hands in his lap, feeling rather triumphant as he leaned back in the too-small chair.

“Be that as it may, you still have disobeyed a direct order from the Director,” the Grand Marshall said. “And so did your friend,” he added after a moment. The smile immediately dropped from Lavi’s face.

“Yuu is irrelevant to my case, excepting that he disobeyed orders while helping me recover from mental illness. According to Order Law number 437, article A, sub-section C, line twenty-four, ‘an Exorcist is fully within his rights to refuse a mission should he feel that his forces are needed elsewhere.’ As you most likely know, I was suffering from extreme depression, multiple personality disorder, and schizoaffective disorder. Though not officially diagnosed, I know myself and my symptoms well enough to understand what I went through. I am still having problems with the personalities, but my latest suicide attempt has helped me somewhat to integrate most of my personalities. At the time, therefore, I was not in the right mind to go on a mission, and as Yuu was needed at my side, he refused missions as well.”

“He was hardly needed,” the main Grand Marshall scoffed. Lavi’s eye glinted dangerously.

“Yuu stopped me from committing suicide twice. The third time, he didn’t get there in time, and only Lenalee’s quick thinking and Innocence evolution saved me,” Lavi said coldly, clutching the arms of the wooden chair.

“We were not informed of any suicide attempts,” the Grand Marshall spokesman said, no longer accusatory, looking around at the other Grand Marshalls questioningly.

“Well, yeah, it’s not like I was going to say anything, and it’s obvious that no one was paying attention. As Director, Smith should have realized something was wrong. The fact that I hadn’t left my room for days and then began acting very strangely should have been indication enough. And after I hurt my hands, it would be completely impossible for me to go on any mission at all. The first time my hands worked properly was when I felt my Innocence running through them. I suppose I _do_ have Smith to thank for that.” Lavi stroked at his chin wonderingly, staring out into the large chamber and focusing on nothing.

Indefinite moments passed, and Lavi suddenly became aware of a hand waving rudely in front of his face.

“Eh?” He exclaimed, jumping and hitting his back hard on the chair. “What happened?”

“He’s still alive,” said a voice near to him, and Lavi followed the hand back to a man with dirty-blond hair and dark blue eyes. He was pale, and Lavi placed the man’s accent as Hungarian. He wore a General’s jacket, and Lavi remembered reading up on their current leaders. This man was most likely Tamas Varga.

“Now that the defendant is, er, _conscious_ again, shall we continue?” Asked the Grand Marshall who had been speaking the entire time.

“What else do you want me to disprove?” Lavi asked excitedly, jumping up to stand on his chair with his pointer finger outstretched to the ceiling.

“Sit down, please,” the Grand Marshall said, sighing. Had he not been obscured by shadows, Lavi imagined he would have been shaking his head.

“Don’t wanna,” Lavi pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

The door burst open, and Lenalee appeared.

“Lavi!” She shouted, her eyes wild with fear. “He just started screaming, and he won’t stop. Please, help.”

“Okay, Lenalee, I’ll be right there!” Lenalee looked relieved and ran back outside. Lavi jumped down from the chair. Looking up at the Grand Marshalls, he added, “excuse me, gentlemen, I’ll be right back.” Pausing at the door he said, “Oh, and I have another point: according to the new 2012 edition of the Order’s rulebook, page 435, article 13, line 5, ‘an Exorcist, with the support of the full number of Generals is well within his rights to remove a Director from his position and disregard all orders if he/ she finds said Director unable to properly perform his duties due to incompetence or if said Director presents a danger to fellow Order members.’”

He pointedly ignored the outraged protests coming from above and left Hevlaska’s chamber. The second he stepped outside, he could hear distant yells, and he ran toward them.

Yuu’s screams were wordless this time, thankfully. Lavi stooped down to the thrashing Exorcist and placed a hand on the other man’s head.

“Shhh, calm down, Yuu, it’s okay,” he mumbled, rubbing his hand gently, not digging his fingers into the other man’s hair. He knew Yuu hated that. Slowly, the man began to quiet to Lavi’s words, eventually reduced to light tremors and small whimpers. Lavi suppressed a tear and gave Yuu a gentle hug, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck. “You’ll be okay, Yuu. I won’t ever hurt you again. Please, just see that I’m here.” He sat back, dragging Yuu with him until the man was lying despondently on his shoulder. Their chests pressed against each other, and Lavi moved his arms down to Yuu’s back.

“I love you, Yuu,” he whispered in the other man’s ear. “Please, _please_ , see that I’m here.” His voice was thick, but he was glad he had managed to keep his tears at bay. He didn’t want to look like he had been crying when he went back to the Grand Marshalls.

Tentatively, hands went around his waist, holding him there.

“ _Rabi,_ ” the Japanese man murmured, and the tone was so heartbreakingly sad that Lavi knew the man still didn’t realize that he was alive.

“ _Yuu, I’m right here,_ ” he said in Japanese, pulling the man closer.

“ _Doushite?”_ Yuu asked in an agonized whisper. “ _Why did you die?_ ”

This time, Lavi couldn’t keep the tears back, and he cried silently into Yuu’s hair, wetting it.

“ _I’m so sorry,_ ” he cried softly.

He heard the door open, but his only reaction was to pull Yuu even closer, his grip becoming vice-like, as if Yuu was the only thing keeping him together.

“We’re going to question Kanda Yuu now,” the intruder said quietly. Lavi smirked.

“Good luck with that,” he sneered, chuckling.

\---

He was dead. Dead. Very, very dead. Yuu had seen him fall, and the scene kept replaying in his mind—how he’d grasped the man’s wrist, how it had slipped from that selfsame grasp. Yuu felt something _break_ inside him. Everything lost meaning. He was alone again. He didn’t know when it had started, but at some point, that man had become very, very important, bypassing all the walls Yuu had erected around his heart. The heart he had tried—and very obviously failed—to ignore. His chest ached, so he pushed the pain away, trying to fall back into the icy oblivion that he had become so accustomed to.

_Why? Why had he let this happen? Hadn’t he told himself so many times that this would happen if he cared?_

The ache returned to his chest, stronger now, too strong. He felt consumed by it—so he hid from it. He let himself fall into the dark, cold place, devoid of all sight, sound, and most importantly, memory.

There was a voice….

From somewhere far away, it drifted lightly down to find him.

“Yuu,” Recognition flitted across his mind but quickly faded; that voice couldn’t be there. “Yuu, it’s time to go inside now.” He felt his body respond automatically; he just let it, nothing mattered anymore. The voice continued and became harder to understand. Yuu still didn’t care.

“ _Ne, Yuu, let’s go back to your room, okay?_ ” Yuu understood that, but the voice hurt, made the ache break through his darkness. He pushed himself deeper into his oblivion, once again letting his body respond on its own.

The voice said something else, but he wouldn’t let mind comprehend it. It hurt too much.

“You’re dead,” he said to the voice, hoping to make it go away, to stop that horrible ache that wouldn’t leave his chest. He felt he deserved this; he had brought it on himself by caring.

But the farther he pushed into oblivion, the closer the memories came, all his barriers were broken. They flashed vividly through his mind. Where was Lavi to wake him up? Oh, yes, he was dead. He wouldn’t have that particular comfort anymore.

_Pain. He hurt. His father was hurting him. He was screaming, but more he screamed, the harder he hit, and the harder he hit, the more he screamed. It was a never-ending vicious cycle. But it was better than having his mother feel this. He was glad that he could at least protect her during the night._

_-_

_A short, old man strode through the main gate. Behind him, his apprentice walked, chattering happily. The short man stopped after a moment and hit his apprentice on the head. Yuu scoffed. These two were the highly-anticipated Bookman and his heir. They both had been chosen by Innocence, and they would be fighting on the Order’s side as they recorded history._

_Yuu knew immediately that he could never trust these two people. They were Bookmen—heartless, cruel creatures who had once been human. They would spare no one and back no one up on the battlefield. Fighting alongside them would be worse than fighting with his true allies. His true allies were incompetent, unable to coordinate naturally with him. Yuu was tired of making an effort to fight with them, and he thought he fought best on his own anyway. But the Bookmen, they battled with no one._

_“Strike!”_

_Yuu looked back at the two men and saw the apprentice staring at him with lust in his eyes. Yuu felt his cold mask slip from his face, replaced with horror._

_“Ooooi, what’s your name?” The apprentice called, waving a gloved hand at him._

_Yuu scoffed and turned around again, heading to the dining hall. He decided he would have soba. He hadn’t had it in a few days._

_“So, what’s your name?” Asked a voice in his ear. Yuu jumped. He hadn’t even heard the other boy come up behind him. He must have been too preoccupied with dinner, and he cursed his inattentiveness._

_Yuu scoffed again, picking up his pace._

_“Is_ ‘che’ _all you can say?” The apprentice asked. Yuu growled._

_“Stop following me like a rabbit. Don’t you have better things to do?” He hated that his voice still hadn’t broken completely, echoing loud and high in the stone corridor._

_“That’s not very ladylike of you,” the apprentice complained._

_“_ Urusei, Baka Usagi!” _Yuu yelled. He hated how his voice squeaked._

_“So you_ are _Japanese?” The idiot apprentice tried to clarify._

_Relief flooded through Yuu as he saw Lenalee and Tiedoll walking down the opposite hallway, deep in conversation. Tiedoll caught sight of him and hailed him over._

_“Yuu-kun! We’re just going to get dinner, would you like to join us?” His General and_ Shishou _asked._

_Yuu scoffed, but he fell into step with them, hoping the rabbit would take the hint. Of course, the apprentice had to be an idiot, and he didn’t take it._

_“Yuu-kun? Wait, you’re a_ guy!? _”_

_Yuu was going to kill this idiot. He felt the vein at his temple begin to pulse. He could ignore this. He wasn’t allowed to kill Exorcists._

_“I could’ve_ sworn _you were a_ girl! _I’m sorry, Yuu-chan!”_

_Yuu twitched. His hand reached, lightning-fast, to the hilt of his Innocence, and he drew Mugen before he was even aware of having done so. He swung it to bear at the Bookman heir, leveling it just a centimeter from the tip of the other boy’s nose. The boy stopped immediately._

_Yuu would make an exception for this particular idiot._

_“_ Don’t, _” he growled, “call me by my first name.” He swung Mugen back._

_“Kanda-kun, stop!”_

_Suddenly, Lenalee was in front of him, booted foot high in the air, blocking what would have been a fatal blow._

_“Che,” he scoffed. He sheathed Mugen in one swift motion and stalked off to the dining hall._

_The idiot did not leave him alone._

_The next morning, the redheaded idiot followed Yuu to the dining hall, calling him by intimate names and expressions of shock and dismay at Yuu’s male status. Yuu grabbed Mugen’s hilt angrily for the entire meal, trying to ignore the idiot chatting away—in Japanese—and using the familiar and girly “kimi” with him._

_“_ You know, Yuu-chan, I don’t think you’ve told me your surname yet, _” the stupid rabbit commented, his mouth disgustingly full of hash browns._

_“Kanda,” he hissed. “_ And I’ll thank you to call me that. _”_

_“_ Nothin’ doin’, Yuu-chan! _” The idiot exclaimed. Yuu growled softly under his breath._

_“_ Stop being so damn intimate with someone you’ve just met, Baka Usagi! _” he yelled, standing up and knocking the bench over. He abandoned his untouched soba noodles and stalked away, still gripping Mugen’s hilt._

_“Why are you running away, Yuu-chan?” The Infernal Rabbit yelled, running after him, three or four slices of toast in one hand (in the other was a jar of jam and a knife). “Wait for me!”_

_“Stop bothering me,_ Baka! _” Why couldn’t he get through? Wasn’t it rather obvious that he hated the boy?_

_“I’m not “Baka,” I’m Lavi,” the idiot stated, his mouth full of eggs and bacon. He caught up to Yuu, grabbing his arm and pulling him to face the other boy._

_Yuu was not expecting to have Lavi’s lips cover his. He tasted eggs. He wrenched his arm from the redhead’s grip and stormed off. He needed to clean out his mouth._

_“I’m not done with you yet, Yuu-chan!” Lavi called. Yuu ignored him. He knew that if he turned around, he would not hesitate to kill the other boy. And Bookman heir or not, the other boy was still an Exorcist._

_His stomach started churning, and he quickly hurried to the nearest bathroom. He didn’t even care that it was one of the women’s facilities._

_-_

_Her beautiful, raven-feather hair looked like black seaweed against her lifeless face. Her deep brown eyes stared blankly, soullessly, at nothing. Her expression was peaceful, even though her face was marred with half-healed or partially-formed bruises. Her arm was at an odd angle, and she lay on a bed of blood, which had long ago stopped its slow advance toward Yuu. Her mouth no longer turned up in that serene smile she always wore. Her hands did not sweep up to brush his fringe away from his eyes as they always did when she saw him._

_She was not breathing._

_She had no heartbeat._

_Yuu knew she was dead. He knew it just like the pain that now covered his left breast. Her life had been like a lotus flower, incredibly beautiful and agonizingly short but everlasting in his mind. He clutched the stem of his lifeline and tore his eyes from the horrific image. He ran over to the small cabinet where they kept mementos of his grandparents. Dumping his grandmother’s ashes into his grandfather’s urn, he took the deceased lady’s urn and carefully placed the lotus flower inside._

_He put on a new_ jinbei _, wincing as each movement he made hurt his barely-healed ribs and still battered body. Pausing only to say good-bye once more to his mother’s body, he left. He never once turned back._

His heart ached, and he desperately wanted Lavi to be there, to make it go away. He didn’t know when it had begun, but Lavi’s presence had been able to keep his mind off of less pleasant things. He’d never remembered his father when Lavi called him by that awful name, and whenever Yuu slipped up and accidentally began to think about his past, Lavi would be there to get him to concentrate on something else. He desperately needed the man.

“ _Rabi!”_ He shouted. The name sounded so good on his lips that he yelled it again, and again. The man was dead, though, and he wouldn’t be there. Still, it felt so wonderful just to hear the name.

He was hallucinating again. That voice was there, and it shouldn’t have been. That voice was as dead as its owner. Warm arms were around him, but he knew they weren’t really there, so he allowed himself to dream they were.

The dream was heartbreaking, though, so Yuu pushed himself back into the sweet darkness. He needed it, because otherwise, how would he survive?

He pushed farther into the nothingness, and meaning left him, but the dreams didn’t.

_He was back on the observation deck, and that was Lavi in front of him. He didn’t understand why, but he ran up to the other man and gathered him in his arms._

_“_ Baka Usagi, _” he whispered into Lavi’s ear. “I thought you were dead.”_

_Lavi chuckled. “But I_ am _dead, Yuu-chan,” he responded, and he flew through Yuu’s grip like Tyki Mikk. He ghosted over to the rail and floated until he was on top of it. “But I’ll see you at the bottom, ne?” He smiled brightly at Yuu and stepped off, falling forward._

_Yuu screamed. No._ No. _This couldn’t happen again. He ran to the rail, attempting to catch the redhead’s wrist, but this time he missed by mere centimeters._

_“Sorry, Yuu,” he grimaced. “But I’m dead. You can’t catch dead people.” His grimace turned into a sad smile, and his eye locked on Yuu’s as he fell. Yuu watched the entire time, until the other man’s body hit the ground with a sickening crunch._

_Bile rose in the back of his throat, and he wanted nothing more than to throw it up. He saw every broken bone sticking out from Lavi’s back, as if the tower wasn’t fifty kilometers above the ground. He saw every droplet of blood and every splatter of gore._

_He didn’t mean to, but he screamed._

It sounded like Lenalee, but of course, Lenalee was away on a mission. Then she was gone, and then there was that voice, calming him even though it wasn’t there. He was being embraced, and the grip was growing excessively tight, but he didn’t care, because now he was _really_ hallucinating. He could _smell_ Lavi. That sensuous blend of old paper, ink, and something so distinctly _Lavi_ that he couldn’t place it. He grabbed onto it, not wanting it gone. It was as if his body was trying to tell him everything was alright, and Yuu desperately wanted to believe that, even though nothing could ever be alright again, because Lavi was dead.

He heard voices around him. Lavi’s scent was gone. Lavi was gone. But he already knew that. His heart ached again, but for some reason, he couldn’t reach that blessed oblivion. He reached out for it, but it wasn’t there. Yuu’s heartbeat picked up. He needed the void, but it was gone. It was as gone as Lavi was. His heart raced. Where was it? He vaguely heard strange, gasping noises, and he wanted whoever was making them to _shut the fuck up_ , because he couldn’t concentrate. His mind was going too fast and too slow at the same time. He could feel someone there with him, but then they were gone. Like Lavi.

He heard a keening noise, and he wanted to punch the maker of it. Couldn’t they keep it down? He couldn’t think when they were making so much _sound_ , and he just wanted peace and quiet, an oblivion that he could sink into again, because anything was better than the hurt that was welling up in his chest.

There was another gasping sound, and everything was so _wet_. Why was he wet? And why wouldn’t that idiot just _shut up?_ But then he realized it was him, and he took a disjointed arm and slammed it into his head.

Ah. There was that gentle nothingness. He felt himself being pulled into it, and he relaxed for a while, glad to just float in the unfeelingness of it all.

The voice was back, and Yuu wanted very much to wake up and tell it to get the _fuck_ away from him, because it wasn’t _real_ , dammit.

“ _Go away,”_ he finally managed to say, “ _you’re dead._ ”

“But I’m not dead, if you would just wake up and _look!_ ” The voice said back insolently. Yuu wanted to pry an eye open to prove to it that it wasn’t alive, but his muscles weren’t cooperating with him.

“Please, Yuu, please just see me,” the voice said. It sounded broken, and Yuu frowned unintentionally. He wasn’t back in the darkness, nor was he simply drifting. The voice was bringing him dangerously close to the surface, and he wasn’t ready to deal with the pain again. It hurt more than it had when he had been fighting with Tyki, when his father had first beaten him, when his mother had died.

He was in someone’s arms, and there was a warm, completely unreal hand on the back of his head. His head moved up and down at a very slow pace, as if he were lying on someone’s chest, which was, of course, impossible. Because Yuu didn’t do such things. Because that implied that Yuu cared, and there was nothing he cared about anymore, because when he cared about things, they died. Or they hurt him, which was just as bad.

He heard a door open.

“Lavi, I’ve got coffee for you.”

Lenalee seemed to have joined his hallucination, then. It must have been because he’d unwittingly begun to care for her, too. He’d have to be more careful about his emotions now.

“Hold on, he seems very close to consciousness, and I don’t want to sleep.”

“You say that like you don’t trust me not to drug you again, Lavi.”

“I don’t.”

“That hurts, Lavi. That hurts.”

“Sorry.” Lavi’s not-there voice didn’t seem very apologetic. Yuu snorted lightly, and the voices went quiet for a second. He felt himself be shifted, and suddenly his stomach felt very cold, as if he had been lying on it previously.

“Do you mind if I try?” Lenalee’s not-there voice asked.

“May as well. Nothing else has worked.”

“Kanda-kun, wake up. Lavi’s here and he’s really worried about you. Will you wake up and yell at him, maybe threaten to run him through with Mugen? Come on, we all miss you,” not-there-Lenalee cajoled him.

“You’re not here,” he mumbled, trying to turn. He found his movement impaired by the gentle but firm hand on his head.

“Kanda-kun, why don’t you open your eyes and see for yourself? Lavi’s alive, you know.”

“Why should I do something when I already know what will happen?” He growled, angry at the clarity with which the voices were coming now. He wanted to go back to being quiet, peaceful. He wanted his nothingness back, because then he didn’t have to feel the ache in his chest. It hurt.

“Kanda-kun, please? If you do this, I promise you I won’t make you do anything else,” not-there-Lenalee pleaded.

Yuu scoffed but figured that perhaps it would make his hallucinations go away. He cracked an eye open and promptly shut it. He was seeing things. Nothing else would explain why there was a one-eyed, redheaded Exorcist leaning very close to his face.

“You still think I’m dead?” Came not-there-Lavi’s voice, and it sounded almost… mournful.

Yuu didn’t need to answer that, because it was already apparent. Not-there-Lavi sighed and Yuu must really have been in the deep, dark depths of hallucination, because he was now _feeling_ things that weren’t there. Like Lavi’s breath hitting his face. He smelled bacon and eggs on the non-existent breath. He knew that was all wrong, though—Lavi liked toast.

“What can I do to make you understand I’m still alive?” Not-Lavi asked.

“But you’re not,” he said, starting to get angry. Really, why couldn’t his hallucinations leave him alone?

“Did you even see me hit the ground?” Not-Lavi asked. Yuu tensed. He had seen Lavi fall, hand still outstretched from where Yuu had briefly caught it, an utterly blank look on his face. But he’d stumbled back from the rail, unwilling to see the one he lo— _cared_ about—splatter on the ground.

“Kanda-kun, I _caught_ him!” Not-Lenalee said, and then she did something to make him believe. She slapped him. “Kanda-kun, wake up and see what’s in front of you. You remember passing me on the way up to the tower, right? My Innocence is the only one that could have saved him, and I did. Please, you’re making Lavi hurt. I know it’s nothing compared with what you’re feeling, but please believe that he’s alive!” She sounded patronizing at the beginning, but by the end, tears were in her voice, and it was that more than anything else that made Yuu rethink his previous assumption. This was either real, or he had very, very realistic hallucinations. Because his face _stung._

He heard feet walking away and a door open. “Lavi, I can’t watch this anymore,” Maybe-Lenalee said, her voice cracking with emotion. It was quiet for a moment, and he heard a non-existent sigh.

“Y— _Kanda_ , just wake up. I know I’ve hurt you more than you can bear, but _please_ … wake up. I—” Maybe-Lavi’s voice broke and paused. There was a determined intake of breath. “I – I _love_ you.”

Yuu knew it wasn’t a hallucination. His own mind wouldn’t call him Kanda, especially when it was acting as Lavi, and the idea of Lavi _loving_ him was so… so _preposterous_ that it could only be real.

His eyes snapped open.

“ _Rabi!_ ” He exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. He immediately felt dizzy and fell back onto his pillow.

“ _Well, that’s a hell of a way for you to wake up,_ ” Lavi replied, and Yuu forced his weak eyes to stay open, because this was definitely Lavi.

“ _How are you not dead?_ ” He asked, desperate to know the answer. He managed to sit up again, but he fell forward onto Lavi from dizziness.

“ _Lenalee caught me. You know, her synch rate went above two hundred percent because of it. Mine just hit it—Hevlaska’s calling it the Double Critical. Not very inventive, really. But anyway, it looks like your Innocence evolves when you hit Double Critical, because Oodzuchi Kodzuchi’s clear now, rather than that dark red of crystal type. The Grand Marshalls don’t have a name for it, so they’re just calling it crystal type, too. No one here has an imagination… Yuu?_ ”

Yuu realized his eyes had shut. He was fighting off the unconsciousness. He didn’t want to go to sleep—Lavi was here, and he didn’t want to be apart from him anymore. The darkness dragged him down against his will, though, and when he next woke, the sun was shining brightly through his window. From the strength of the rays, it was probably late evening.

He reached around, his hand seeking Lavi. He needed to know that hadn’t been a dream. He calmed as he found a very familiar wrist. It jerked as he touched it.

“Damn you, Lenalee!” Lavi’s voice shouted. “You’re putting it in my food now?” Now he sounded incredulous.

“ _Rabi?”_ He asked. He felt a cool hand on his forehead.

“You’re awake again?” Lavi asked.

“I can’t stay awa…” But Yuu was pulled under again.

The third time he awoke, it was dark outside, and he was pressed tightly against a very humanlike pillow. His arms were around what seemed to be a bare waist. He didn’t have the energy to tense. And when he finally managed to open his eyes and see who it was, he didn’t want to. Instead, he pulled himself closer. Lavi was still alive. His heart felt so light, so relieved, so _happy…_

Wait… he was happy?

“ _Rabi…_ ” His voice was faint and he wasn’t sure if the other man heard.

“I’m here, Yuu.” Yuu felt relief but he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes open.

“Lavi,” he said, managing to speak in (very accented) English for the first time. “I can’t stay awake. Keep me… awake.” He sighed. “Please,” he added in a small voice.

“What do you want me to do, Yuu?” Lavi asked, his chest vibrating with his voice against Yuu’s face.

“Just keep me awake,” he ordered, already feeling himself being thrown back into the dark seas of unconsciousness.

Lavi moved out of his grip, and Yuu felt his consciousness slip just a little bit. But then there was breath on his face before Lavi’s lips descended on his own. Awareness flickered into being. The Ex-Bookman's lips moved silently from Yuu’s to his ear. The other man’s voice was breathy, “Are you awake yet?”

The second the sensation stopped, Yuu felt his awareness fade, and he reached up and pulled Lavi closer. He shook his head, unable to speak. Not that he would have allowed himself to if he could. He heard Lavi chuckle slightly. “Alright, well, I guess I’ll have to wake you up, then.”

He felt the heat of the man’s lips on his neck, and Yuu shivered, this time not out of fear. His reaction invited Lavi to nibble at the skin tenderly. The dark-haired man's breath came out in a hiss of pleasure. Lavi smiled against his neck and then moved his lips to Yuu’s mouth. Yuu was startled by the gentleness with which the redhead teased at his lips. But it was too gentle, and Yuu felt himself slip away. Not wanting to lose the sensation of Lavi right there in front of him, he pulled the other man’s head down none-too-gently. Lavi made a startled noise in the back of his throat.

Lavi’s kisses were no longer teasing, and Yuu was startled by the abrupt, but welcome, change. He gasped, opening his mouth slightly, and the other man took that as an invitation. _Of course he would,_ Yuu thought before he drowned in the moment. Lavi’s tongue brushed lightly across the roof of his mouth, and he was surprised to find himself reciprocating.

Kissing had never felt like this—so warm, so open, so _good._ He shivered again as Lavi moved his lips down his neck. He felt Lavi’s fingers trail down to his tattoo. He lightly traced the pattern as his mouth reached Yuu’s collarbone. The redhead slid his other hand along Yuu’s chest and pulled back, gasping.

“Yuu,” he panted, “how did you get all of—”

He didn’t want to hear that question, didn’t want to remember anything related to his scars, so he pulled Lavi’s mouth back to his, wanting to be lost in the other man’s touch, wanting to hide from the memories that the question had brought to the surface. Lavi moaned as the other man’s tongue twined around his. Yuu’s pants started to feel tight. It was strange. He had never wanted his body to react like this before. Normally, he would have been repulsed by it, but he ignored it because he didn’t _want_ this to end, and he desperately wanted to stay awake.

He pulled Lavi closer, and their hips rubbed together for a moment. Yuu sucked in a shaky breath at the contact. Lavi’s situation was worse than his.

It was as if grabbing Lavi was the spark that set off the fire between the two, and suddenly the redhead’s hands were at his waist, undoing his button and fly and slipping his pants and boxers off in one fluid motion. Yuu didn’t stay still either—he quickly divested the man of all clothing. Lavi’s hands trailed down between his legs, and the dark-haired man groaned as the other man’s hand encircled him. His hips rolled up into the touch.

“Yuu,” Lavi whispered, lowering his mouth to follow the Lotus Spell’s pattern. He forced himself not to make a noise as Lavi’s teeth scraped over his left nipple. His hands moved to Lavi’s hair, holding the man where he was. His head went back as waves of pleasure rolled over him. He had never before felt something so good, so intense, and his body was craving it now.

Lavi moved his hand gently along Yuu’s length, teasing him. Yuu was almost overcome by the sensation. His other hand moved from Yuu’s side and down his back. It rested for a moment at the curve of his hip before moving inward. He felt a finger press lightly, intimately, inside him. Yuu froze. As good as everything else had felt, that sensation was something he wanted to forget. Lavi paused his ministrations, frowning slightly, and despite everything, Yuu moaned at the lack of stimulation. Lavi twirled his finger experimentally, and his frown deepened.

“Yuu,” he breathed. “You’re not a virgin, are you?” He removed both hands and moved back until he was sitting, facing Yuu on the bed.

Yuu froze. He didn’t want to face this. He wasn’t going to. But all the memories—the ones he’d been hiding from since he’d left his dead mother on the floor and ran—welled up inside him, pelting at the fragile walls of his sanity.

“No,” he whispered, unable to make a louder sound. “I’m sorry.” He let his hair fall around him. Suddenly, his bedspread had become excruciatingly interesting. He picked at a loose thread absently, trying to keep the memories from destroying him.

He felt warm arms encircle him and pull him into a warm chest. He cursed himself for being weak as tears poured down his face, getting caught on Lavi’s bare chest and falling to pool in the sheets.

“Who did it?” Lavi asked softly, gently rubbing his back overtop his long hair.

Yuu didn’t respond. He couldn’t.

“Was it the same person who gave you all those scars?” At this, Yuu felt himself nod, and with that, all the barriers he’d built around the painful memories shattered, and he grasped at Lavi like a lifeline as the pain hit him, as fresh as it had been when he’d sealed it away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the chapter before the epic angst scene, and LOOK! Naked! :D 
> 
> As for the managing to speak English for the first time in a while bit, Yuu is actually wrong, and he had spoken English just a bit before that, but his brain is being a bit faulty, so it’s ok.
> 
> As a warning, the next chapter IS NOT work-safe and/or for people under seventeen. It nearly made us both vomit writing it—it’s also epically long. For people under seventeen and people who don’t want to read things including torture, graphic rape, and psychological abuse, we will post up a summary.
> 
> We are NOT kidding when we say it is disgusting—and these are only the worst scenes that we’ve put in. Many got cut out. *Happy reading! :D* -- Note: That was to lighten the mood a bit.


	13. Chapter 12 Summary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! This chapter is rated NC-17 and EXPLICIT and is posted on our LJ page and our affnet account. We are very serious when we label it as such, and we hope you’ll take us seriously. If you don’t want to go through a severe mind-frelling, then read this convenient summary! :D
> 
> Read at own risk! Trust me we published the summary for a good reason. Feel free to skip it and read the next chapter which is the full version.
> 
> Warnings: Explicit Descriptions of child sexual assault.

Innocent Rain, Chapter 12 Summary

“Who did this to you?” Lavi asked gently, repeating his earlier question as he rubbed the back of Yuu’s head in soft, up-and-down motions.

“My father,” Yuu murmured gravely into the other man’s chest. He knew he needed to give more of an explanation, and he began to recount the horrors of his life before the Dark Order.

\---

Kanda proceeds to recount the first night of his abuse, during which he walked in on his father raping his mother. His father switched targets and raped him on the kitchen floor. He was five.

Years of physical and mental abuse follow although he was not raped again until he was seven. He took to guarding his mother’s door in order to protect her from the abuse. The worst of his memories include him being beaten in front of the door, his father forcing him to chug two bottles of sake, his father breaking his sake bottles over Kanda’s legs, having his hair/scalp cut with a kitchen knife, and Kanda being cut/disfigured with a tomato knife.

Kanda fears Lavi’s rejection and is relieved when there is none (though Lavi _is_ disgusted by what Yuu’s father did to him). We discover that Kanda’s mother only stayed with his father because she has a very low immune system, rendering her sick most of her life. She gets tetanus, and when the last day of Kanda’s abuse takes place, she is dying of malaria. We also discover that Kanda had friends! His mother forbade him to see them, as she didn’t want them getting hurt, too.

On the final day of his abuse, Kanda discovers that his mother was being abused during the day, during the time when she always insisted he stay outside. He screams until the neighbors get worried. Kanda’s mother’s best friend and next door neighbor, Emiko (yes, we know she has the same name as our latest Japanese Exorcist), barges in, telling Yasuo (Kanda’s father) that she has called the police. Yasuo is angry and ends up choking her to death. He leaves, and Fumiko (Kanda’s mother) decides that she and Yuu will leave that night, despite how sick she is.

That night, when his father returns, Fumiko tells him that she and Kanda are leaving. He gets angry and begins to beat/rape her. She begs him not to do it in front of Kanda, and so his father knocks him out by throwing his head into the corner of their kitchen table.

When Kanda wakes up, his mother is having trouble breathing. He father beats and rapes him until he is on the verge of death and then leaves again, probably to go out whoring (a favorite pastime of his). Kanda’s mother asks him to get a lotus flower from their kitchen table’s centerpiece, and she tells him of a spell that will keep him alive.

\---

“Yuu,” she breathed. She coughed for a while, and Yuu saw blood come from her mouth, too.

“ _Okaa-san,_ ” he choked back. His words were thick with the blood that suffocated him. His rib throbbed in agony.

“Yuu, you have to live on. Can you promise me you’ll do that?” She asked weakly.

“I don’t understand,” he said.

“There is a spell that my family learned of, and it can heal you, keep you alive for a full life cycle. It will keep you from getting hurt and sick. It ties you to the petals of the lotus. It can only be invoked by someone who loves you deeply and wishes for you to live.”

“I still don’t understand, _Okaa-san._ ”

“I am dying. I was dying before this happened. The spell will take my life to invoke it, but I only have minutes left, so Yuu, please promise me you’ll agree to let me do it,” his mother pleaded, her voice fading.

Yuu nodded and dragged himself next to his mother.

“Will you get a lotus flower from the pot on the table?” His mother asked weakly. He nodded and stood, despite the pain. His left leg crumpled beneath him, but he managed to grab the pot, knocking it over as he pulled the bouquet down. Gently, he put one of the light pink flowers in his mother’s hand. She smiled gently at him.

“It is invoked with a promise. Yuu, I want you to find the one person in this world who is special to you. The one who can protect you and whom you can protect. The one person with whom you can share a mutual love, like I was never able to. At that point, the Lotus will keep you alive, and your life expectancy will change to match that of your partner. Will you allow the Lotus to do that for you, Yuu?”

“I promise, _Okaa-san,_ ” he responded through sobs that brought up an alarming amount of blood.

“With this promise, I hereby tie you to the lotus flower. May you live in good health and happiness, Yuu.” The lotus began to glow slightly, and something strange happened.

Their two separate pools of blood mingled, and a thin line of dark red liquid rose up to face Yuu. It stabbed at him, ripping his shirt to shreds as it came near. It hit his chest with a pain far worse than the knife through his leg, and Yuu screamed until his voice was gone. Even then, he continued to let out air, even though it made no noise. His tears increased exponentially, and he couldn’t keep his eyes open. His left breast was _burning,_ and it wasn’t _stopping._ He wanted to die—but no, his mother had just told him to live. He needed to live, but the pain was _so awful._ He wanted to lay down and give up, but—

The pain stopped as suddenly as it had begun, and when Yuu looked down on his chest to inspect the damage, he saw a dark red mark on his scarred chest, just over his left breast. The mark steadily darkened until it was ink black. The pain in his body began to recede, as if the mark was pulling it in. He felt the rib in his lung snap back into place with the others. He felt the hole in his lung close. Wooden splinters fell from his thigh to the floor as that wound closed, scarring with alarming speed. Blood stopped flowing from the wounds on his back and scalp, and one by one, the rest of his injuries, old and new, began to heal.

His mother smiled peacefully as death stole the light from her eyes.

He clutched the lotus flower and ripped his eyes away from his dead mother. He ran over to the small cabinet where they kept mementos of his grandparents. Dumping his grandmother’s ashes into his grandfather’s urn, he took the deceased lady’s jar and carefully placed the lotus flower inside.

He put on a new _jinbei,_ wincing as each movement he made hurt his barely-healed broken ribs and battered body. Pausing only to say good-bye once more to his mother’s body, he left. He never once turned back.

\---

Kanda then goes on to explain how Tiedoll ended up finding him. Since these are fine to read and contain no actual abuse, we will put the last few pages of the chapter here.

\---

_October 27, 1878—Japan_

Yuu ran from the household of his ruined childhood. He had no money, but dinner lasted him until he reached the next town around dawn. He collapsed to the ground, panting. His battered body had begun to feel better the longer he’d run, and now, he could barely feel any of the pain from the previous evening. He allowed himself to rest in a nearby alley, and a few hours later, he started to run again, pausing only to get a long drink from the town’s well. He grimaced at the bitter taste but was glad for the water anyway.

He continued on his way, always keeping to the road so he could find the next town. He knew from the maps he had sometimes studied in the afternoons that he would not reach another village for a few days, and he hoped he’d be able to make it. He was determined to live for his mother.

A raindrop hit his face, and he put a hand to it. When was the last time he had felt rain? His mother had never allowed him outside during a storm, saying he’d catch a cold, and whenever the sky began to even hint at it, she would go inside. Yuu would invariably follow her. Now he wanted to feel the rain. Maybe it could wash away the dirt that he felt was inside him. The drops became more and more frequent, and when it finally started to drizzle lightly, Yuu stopped running and turned his face to the sky.

Hours later, when the rain had stopped, Yuu stood up, and he continued on his journey. His feet sunk slightly into the muddy ground, and the wet leaves made him slip several times. He was covered in mud and sludge by the next time he chose to break. He did not sleep that night—he couldn’t. He knew that bad things could happen in the night.

He walked onward, never looking back, even though he was exhausted, starving, and thirsty. By the middle of the twenty-eighth of October, Yuu fell face-first into the soft ground and passed out.

\---

_October 28, 1878—Japan_

Something was nudging his shoulder, pulling him from unconsciousness. He cracked an eye open and yelled, scrambling back a meter or so.

There was an old foreigner with frizzy, light brown hair leaning too close to him.

“Are you okay?” The mustached man asked in highly accented Japanese. Yuu could barely understand him.

A sturdy teenager came up behind the man and placed his hand on the foreigner’s shoulder.

“His heart is beating like a bird’s. He is scared,” the teen said, also in Japanese. The foreigner raised an eyebrow.

“Oh?” He looked at Yuu, smiling pleasantly. “I won’t hurt you. Can you tell me your name?”

Yuu backed up further and shook his head.

A green light pulsed from the man’s strange gold and black coat. Surprise lit the man’s features.

“ _Intéressant,_ ” the man muttered to himself in a language Yuu had never heard before. He reached into his coat, and Yuu readied himself to jump up and run past these two crazy people. The man produced a shiny, red apple and held it out to Yuu.

“You look famished. Would you like something to eat?” He said, placing the apple in the grass next to the road. Yuu’s stomach let out a hungry growl, and he couldn’t resist the offer of food. He slowly crawled forward, ready to back up if they struck him, and snatched the apple. He retreated back to his earlier position and tore into it, the juice running down his face in his haste.

“I am an Exorcist,” the man said as Yuu ate ravenously. “I am in an organization called the Dark Order, and we are fighting an enemy called the Millennium Earl.”

Yuu didn’t particularly care, but he listened anyway, as the man seemed to think this was important knowledge to impart on him.

“We fight with weapons made from something called Innocence. Innocence chooses people to accommodate with, and one of the pieces in my coat is reacting to you.”

Yuu looked up, genuinely surprised. “So?” He said through a large chunk of apple. He despised himself for his horrifying lack of manners.

“I would like you to come with us and train to be an Exorcist,” the man said, looking relieved that Yuu had finally said something.

“No,” he said, backing further away.

“I’m really sorry, but you have to come with me. The Order doesn’t give people choices in the matter.” His voice was heavy, almost regretful.

Yuu dropped what was left of the apple and ran, hoping that he was heading in the correct direction. He didn’t care, though, if it got him away from the strange foreigner and the teenager. Something caught the back of his muddy _jinbei,_ and he went flying up.

“I’m so sorry about this,” the foreigner said, sounding sincere, and Yuu felt something hit the side of his head.

\---

He awoke a few minutes later, his throbbing head already feeling much better. He looked up and saw up the foreigner’s large nose. He was held tightly in the man’s arms, and he resigned himself to the fact that he was being abducted. He decided to look at his surroundings, to see where they were headed. As he looked out, they passed by the spot where his discarded apple was—so he had been going in the wrong direction—and Yuu cried out when he saw his grandmother’s urn.

“My urn!” He shouted, struggling to free himself from the arms that carried him.

The bouncing of the man’s walk stopped, and Yuu felt the man’s chest reverberate as he _hmmm_ ’d to himself.

“Noise,” he said softly, “would you grab the urn on the ground?”

A moment later, the urn was placed into his hands by the large teenager. Yuu grasped it tightly, holding it to his chest.

“How are you awake so quickly?” The man asked, and Yuu realized he was being talked to.

“Magic,” he said. It wasn’t a lie.

“If you say so,” the man replied.

The man carried him to the next town, and they arrived long after the sun had set. Yuu tried to remain as alert as possible but soon found himself drifting off, and he hated himself for it. He couldn’t even protect himself.

When he awoke, he was on a soft bed. Looking around, he flinched when he noticed the teenager sitting next to him. His eyes were vacant though, as if he couldn’t see. Yuu attempted to get off the bed, but a large hand reached out and pushed him back down. He shuddered from the touch.

The teenager said something in a language Yuu couldn’t understand.

“ _Ego o hanashimasu ka?_ ” He asked. Yuu shook his head, and even though the teenager seemed blind, his face lit up in understanding. “I don’t speak Japanese very well,” he added in stilted Japanese. “My master does, though.”

The hand left Yuu’s shoulder, and he bolted to the door. Before he could even open it, tiny strings pulled him back. He didn’t yell out—that wasn’t allowed—but he did start pounding his fists on the door. After a moment, the door opened, and Yuu yelped and allowed the strings to heave him back to the bed.

“Please don’t try to escape,” the foreigner said. He looked at the teenager. “Noise, deactivate your Innocence. We don’t want to scare him anymore than he is.”

Yuu felt the strings go slack, and then they were gone. The foreigner pulled a strange, glowing crystal from his jacket, and he placed it at the end of the bed.

“I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself yet,” he said, looking Yuu in the eye. “My name is General Froi Tiedoll. That green crystal in front of you is your Innocence. Will you pick it up for me?”

Yuu narrowed his eyes calculatingly. This man was obviously crazy, but at the same time, he had nothing to lose. It was not like he really wanted to live anyway. If he accidentally broke his promise to his mother, she would understand, she would forgive him. Carefully, he reached out a hand and touched the gently glowing crystal. It flashed and changed form. It lengthened out until it was nearly as long as he was tall. The glow dissipated, and in its place was a straight, black blade that ended with a long, sturdy hilt. Yuu recognized it instantly as a chokuto. He blinked as he heard a whisper in his ear: _Mugen._ That was this chokuto’s name, he knew immediately.

Turning the blade in his hands, he was surprised by how light it was, as if it was crafted out of rice paper rather than metal. He wished it was a bit heavier, and suddenly, it was. It was a comforting weight, neither too light nor too heavy, and it felt good in his hands. Yuu felt grateful for the foreigner for giving him such a beautiful, elegant weapon. He brought the edge of the blade near the hilt to his wrist and pulled it until he couldn’t drag anymore across. He didn’t scream as his wrist began to bleed profusely. He barely felt the pain.

“ _Putain!_ ” Tiedoll grabbed his right arm and pulled Yuu’s new weapon from him. Dropping it to the floor unceremoniously, he reached over and seized Yuu’s left wrist. He spoke to himself rapidly, and Yuu thought that perhaps it was good that he couldn’t understand the man. He gazed up at the foreigner, but the man was already applying pressure to his wrist.

The man froze. “ _Quoi?_ ” He said blankly. He twisted Yuu’s arm around, and Yuu let it move, already meditating his mind beyond the present reality. “ _Où est la blessure?_ ” He looked at Yuu again.

“How did you do that?” He asked.

“Magic,” Yuu replied in a monotone.

“ _Pardon?_ ” The man asked, and Yuu figured he was asking for some type of repetition.

“Magic,” he said again.

“Did you really cut yourself?” Tiedoll asked in wonder.

“Can’t you see the blood?” Yuu asked rhetorically.

“Ah, yes. Well, you’ll be needing a bath. You’re horribly muddy, and now you’re covered in blood,” the General said.

Yuu came crashing down into the present, and he pushed himself against the headboard. He would not get in the bath with this man. Baths were his own private affair. Even if the man didn’t do anything to him, he still didn’t want anyone to see all his scars. His mother had told him once that it was bad for people to see him, and he agreed. He didn’t want anyone knowing what had happened to him. He screamed out as the teenager’s arms heaved him over his shoulder. He squirmed, trying to hit and kick anything that would make the teenager drop him, but the other kid’s grip remained firm and steady, like a rock.

“Would you kindly do it, Noise?” The General asked, and the teenager nodded.

Yuu screamed and flailed wildly as Noise—Yuu assumed that was his name—grimly peeled off his disgusting clothing and unceremoniously dumped him in the bath.

“Can you clean yourself?” He asked bluntly in a soft voice.

“Yes,” Yuu replied hurriedly.

“Good, because I don’t want to do it. Damn Tiedoll.”

“You hate him?” Yuu asked in wonder.

“He dumped you on me when it’s obvious you’re old enough to be capable of at least washing yourself,” he replied grumpily. Yuu decided this teenager wasn’t the worst person he’d ever met.

“Could you… not stare?” Yuu asked, pulling his legs to his chest, hiding his scars and Lotus Mark.

“You’re not going to do anything stupid if I leave, right?”

Yuu looked away. He couldn’t respond, though.

“I thought so,” Noise said and dropped himself to the floor. “Besides, I can’t see anything anyway, so you don’t have to worry.”

“How can you move around so well?” Yuu asked as he scrubbed away all the muck that had caked on his skin.

“You must have noticed the objects on my ears?”

Yuu nodded, and the teenager continued, as if he had seen the action.

“They magnify my hearing far beyond normal capacity. I see through sound waves, if that makes any sense. They’re part of my Innocence.” He sounded almost proud, just like Yuu had felt when he’d first seen his chokuto.

As Yuu slowly washed himself, Noise explained as best he could about Innocence and the Dark Order. Half an hour later, Yuu finished scraping away the dried blood, and as he lifted himself from the bath to grab a towel, the door burst open.

“I’m sorry! I forgot that I really had to pee!” Tiedoll shouted, rushing in. “I can’t hold it in any longer!” He paused, staring at Yuu.

“ _Merde, mon dieu!”_ He breathed as he took in each of Yuu’s scars. Yuu blushed heavily and lunged for the towel, wrapping it tightly around his chest like—as his father had once said—a woman. “ _Je comprends… merde._ ” He turned to his apprentice. “Noise, take him to the room. I still have to pee.”

Yuu was whisked away and promptly dropped roughly on the bed. He saw Noise covering his face with a hand and sighing in annoyance.

“That idiot,” he muttered. Yuu couldn’t help but agree and found himself nodding. “Do you have anything else to wear?” He added to Yuu. Yuu shook his head.

“I suppose that means I’ll be washing your clothes. Sit tight.” The teenager left the room with an aggrieved expression on his face as Tiedoll left the bathroom, looking relieved.

He sat on the bed. Yuu scrambled back, careful to keep the towel covering him. “You poor child,” the foreigner said. There was something about the pity in the man’s voice that annoyed Yuu.

They sat in silence. Noise returned with Yuu’s washed clothes and an overlarge shirt, which Yuu put on hurriedly as Noise hung up his clothes to dry.

“Would you kindly tell me your name?” Tiedoll asked softly.

“Kanda Yuu,” he said sullenly, picking at the baggy shirt absently.

“Yuu-kun, will you tell me what happened?” The man asked kindly.

“No.”

“Will you explain the magic to me, then?”

“It’s just magic.”

He grabbed the bloody chokuto from the ground and ran the blade down his forearm, slicing it open. He waited as the wound closed itself and healed steadily until even the scar was gone. Tiedoll stared, transfixed.

“How..?” He asked, probably to himself. Yuu stood up and walked to the pitcher of water on the bedside table. He rinsed his arm off before looking back at his abductor.

“Where is my urn?” He demanded. He needed to see the lotus, needed to see that it was undamaged.

“It fell from your grip and broke during the night, I’m sorry,” the man said, looking away.

Yuu’s heart skipped a beat. “What about the flower inside it? Where is that?” He asked urgently, grabbing the man before he realized what he was doing. He came to his senses and backed up until he was against the headboard of the bed again.

The man reached into his pocket and produced the lotus flower. Yuu leaned forward and snatched it carefully from the man’s hand. He inspected it and noted one of the petals was a bit rumpled, though the rest of it seemed undamaged.

“Would you like something to put that in?” Tiedoll asked kindly, and Yuu nodded. If this man was going to offer him things, who was he to refuse it?

-

_“Tiedoll and Noise took me out the next day and bought me clothes. We passed a glassware shop, and I saw a large hourglass inside. Tiedoll bought it for me, and the lotus flower has been in it ever since. We traveled through several towns before we found Mugen’s scabbard, though. We never stayed in one place for very long, so I didn’t have to worry about my father ever finding me. I still didn’t trust them, especially Tiedoll.”_

_“Did they teach you to fight at that time?” Lavi asked._

_“No—they were afraid to let me near Mugen. They knew I’d try to do myself in.”_

_“How many times did you try?”_

_“Any time I found a way, I tried it. By the middle of November, they knew better than to leave me on my own. Tiedoll wouldn’t even let me bathe alone. He was convinced I would have tried to drown myself.”_

_“Would you have?”_

_“Probably.” He snorted. “Not that it would have done any good,” he added sarcastically._

_-_

_January 19, 1879—Port in Egypt_

They had left Japan a bit over a month and a half ago, and Yuu was thoroughly sick of the sea. Tiedoll had said that they were heading toward the Dark Order’s Headquarters, its main branch outside of London. Reluctantly, they had allowed him to carry Mugen around with him, as they had noticed his decreased suicide attempts. Not that he hadn’t tried to throw himself off the side of the ship a few times. One time, he had almost succeeded, but a crew member had caught him as he jumped up on the rail.

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” The man barked rhetorically.

“Yes,” Yuu replied matter-of-factly.

“Where’re your parents?” The seaman groaned, looking irritated.

“Dead,” he said flatly.

Tiedoll ran up. “Oh good,” he panted, putting a relieved hand to his heart. “Someone caught him before he jumped. I’m terribly sorry, sir, but Yuu-kun’s a bit…” He trailed off. He quickly grabbed Yuu and threw him over his large shoulder, walking swiftly away.

“I’m just a bit _what_?” Yuu mumbled angrily.

“I was going to say ‘suicidal,’ but I thought that was self-explanatory,” the man replied, sitting Yuu down next to Noise.

“Don’t let him out of your sight, Noise—or, well, your range of hearing, anyway.” Tiedoll walked off.

Yuu sighed as he stepped onto the beautiful, yellow sand. He was glad to be back on land. Vaguely, he wondered if there was any way for him to die from sand. He wracked his brain but could think of nothing, so he resigned himself to another day of life.

There was a huge explosion, and Yuu turned in its direction. Some of the ship’s new cargo was up in flames, and Tiedoll stood on the rail holding a large, shining cross in his hand. Noise stood on the deck behind him, his arms outstretched. Something glinted in the midday sun, and Yuu noted that the strings of the man’s Innocence were extended. They had encountered many Akuma in their travels, and each time, Yuu had had to hide. They killed people by turning them to ash.

It clicked.

If he was ash, there was no way he could return from that, right?

He went to turn around, to run toward the foreigner and his apprentice, but the only remaining Akuma was right there. He didn’t move to get out of the way. It would shoot him, right?

“YUU-KUN!” Tiedoll shouted, and the Akuma seemed to realize that Yuu was important to the General. It cackled, and its guns primed. Maker of Eden shot out, whiplike, but it was a fraction of a second too late.

Yuu was thrown back several meters as the bullet struck his left side. Agony seared through him, but he could handle it—it was nothing compared to what he had suffered at the hands of his father. It was nothing like the tomato knife or the glass in his legs or the wine bottle or the belt whip or the…

The pain was receding. Tiedoll was at his side, holding him in his large arms, crying over the death of his new pupil.

The pain was gone, and Yuu groaned at its loss. Not even the Akuma could kill him? He screamed in fury at the brightly lit sky.

“ _Why can’t I die!?_ ”

Tiedoll gasped and stared down at him, tears hitting Yuu’s forehead. He squinted back up at the man.

“How are you…?”

“Magic,” Yuu spat out, furious that the Lotus Spell had saved him from completely certain death.

“You will never explain that spell on your lotus to me?” Tiedoll asked resignedly.

Yuu shook his head. Even though he wanted to die, Tiedoll had saved him repeatedly. He felt a small sliver of trust attach itself to the man, and he hated himself for it. Trusting always got him hurt, just as caring had. He had loved his father, trusted him beyond measure, and his father had destroyed all that. He had hurt Yuu so much…

He wanted to die, but one certainty became clear from the Akuma attack. No matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to die. He sighed and resigned himself to the fact that he would have to live a long life.

As they sailed up to Italy, Yuu took out his lotus, gazing at it. To his surprise, a petal was on the bottom of the hourglass. A thin hope swirled its way up his stomach and to his heart. Perhaps, if he wounded himself enough… But his mother wouldn’t like that, and Yuu was tired of pain. He was so tired of it. Perhaps, if he could just seal it all away, it wouldn’t hurt so much…

He sighed again. He could meditate on that later. He lay back on his bed in the small, cramped room and gave up the idea of finding ways to kill himself. It would never happen, no matter how much he wanted to die.

\---

_August 22, 2013, 1:37 AM—The Dark Order, Kanda’s Room_

“Yuu,” Lavi whispered, sounding heartbroken as he pulled him back into his chest. Again.

“Hmm?” He asked, too drained from relating everything to open his mouth.

“You said you wanted to die?” He asked, though it was more a statement.

“Yes,” Yuu replied, his arms sliding once more around Lavi’s waist.

Lavi pulled back just enough to look Yuu in the eyes. Yuu was startled by how green the other man’s solitary eye was. “Do you still want to die?”

“Yes.” He tried to say it flatly, without emotion, but his voice shook with his long-repressed grief. He saw nothing but sad understanding in Lavi’s eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Holy shit. Not only did that take nearly a week to write, it took nearly three hours to edit. Today.
> 
> * _Ego o hanashimasu ka?_ = do you speak English?, _Gaki_ = brat
> 
> *The French: _Intéressant_ =interesting, _Putain_ = whore, but in this case, it is used to mean “fuck,” _Où est la blessure?_ = where is the wound?, _Merde, mon dieu_ = shit, my God, _Je comprends… merde_ = I understand… shit. :D
> 
> Anyway… now you know! Sorry for the long Kanda-torture. But this is his turning point—from here, everything will eventually be a-ok! :D Until we think of something worse to put him through!


	14. Wake me up When the Memories End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: What you are about to read contains content including EXPLICIT descriptions of sexual abuse of a child. Mentions of Suicide and murder. To read a summary of the events of this chapter, please return to the previous chapter. This chapter is extremely long and extremely violent. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 
> 
> Thank you.

Chapter 12—Wake me up When the Memories End

“Who did this to you?” Lavi asked gently, repeating his earlier question as he rubbed the back of Yuu’s head in soft, up-and-down motions.

“My father,” Yuu murmured gravely into the other man’s chest. He knew he needed to give more of an explanation, and he began to recount the horrors of his life before the Dark Order.

\---

_August 3, 1878—Kanda Household_

He was in the garden outside his house, just like he was every afternoon. His mother was with him, and he was making little wreaths for her hair out of the lotus flowers that stood proudly at the edge of their property. She laughed, her voice like chimes in the wind, and Yuu felt his heart lighten in joy. He loved making his mother laugh.

“Yuu!” She called, and he ran to her immediately. “I have to go inside soon, but promise me you’ll stay outside, okay?”

Yuu nodded his acquiescence and gave his mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She winced slightly, and Yuu frowned. “Are you okay, _okaa-san_?”

She smiled comfortingly and stroked Yuu’s cheek. “I’m just fine, Yuu, I just slept funny last night.” Running her fingers through his shoulder-length hair, she stood up. Her hands trailed reluctantly from the ends of his hair, and she turned and walked gracefully back into the house, her light yukata rustling in the wind. Yuu watched her go, hoping his mother would be able to come back out to play with him later. He looked around for something to do, and he caught sight of the neighbor’s cat. He chased it around the backyard and took a lazy nap with it as the evening sun set. At last, his mother called him inside for dinner, and he went in willingly.

They had sushi that night. Afterward, his mother ran him a bath. He heard the telltale sounds of his father returning home for the evening, and his mother left the room, presumably to greet his father. Yuu sighed. He hated it when he had to wash himself while his parents talked about their day. Today would be different—he decided that he would take a bath after his father had eaten dinner.

Walking to the kitchen, he was surprised when he heard a high whimper of pain. His heart raced with worry, and he threw the sliding door open. He gasped at the scene in front of him.

His mother’s white yukata was ripped, and she was draped unceremoniously on top of the table. His father stood over her, his pants down by his ankles. He brought up a hand and slapped her hard enough that her neck snapped to the left.

Yuu was frozen, locked in the doorway. He watched, horrified, as his father pounded mercilessly into his mother. She didn’t make any more noise than small gasps of pain—that is, until she saw him in the doorway.

“Yuu,” she whispered, her voice breaking. Tears formed in her eyes and fell down her face. His father stopped his movements and followed his wife’s gaze. He pulled back and grinned predatorily, showing his uneven teeth.

“ _Yuuuuu-chaaaan_ ,” he sing-songed. “Why don’t you come over here?”

Yuu was fixed in place, but that didn’t matter, because his father shuffled over to him, pants dragging on the ground from around his ankles. Yuu’s father grabbed his shoulders and forced him down onto the hard wooden floor of the kitchen.

“You interrupted my fun, Yuu-chan. I guess you’re gonna have to take her place now,” he leered down at Yuu, and for the first time, Yuu was afraid of his father. Large, previously friendly hands tore at his _jinbei_. Those same, horrible hands grabbed his wrists, forcing them over his head. Yuu screamed.

“Yasuo-san, don’t do this,” his mother pleaded, but his father paid her no heed, crushing his lips on Yuu’s to silence him. Shifting Yuu’s wrists into one of his own hands, his father brought back his right arm and punched Yuu in the gut. Yuu screamed against the oppressive lips, and that earned him a slap on the cheek. Yuu choked on the little air he had, opening his mouth in a desperate gesture. His father’s tongue drove like a drill into his mouth, and Yuu gagged. He had no air; black spots were forming on his vision. He screamed again, trying to thrash under his father’s iron hold.

Something rough and harsh went around his wrists, replacing the hand that had been there. Yuu tried to separate them, but they wouldn’t move apart. He tilted his head back and saw them tied to the leg of a chair with a thick length of rope. He squirmed as he felt rough, calloused hands slide down his sides, bypassing the waistline of his _jinbei_ and slipping it down his legs.

A hand squeezed him painfully, and Yuu saw stars.

“Don’t scream again, Yuu-chan,” his father admonished, smiling as if he were commenting on the day’s nice weather. “Or I’ll do something worse.”

Yuu didn’t mean to, but he belted out a screech at the continued pain.

“It seems you’ve really left me no choice,” his father chuckled. Violent hands spread his legs apart, and large fingers pushed deeply inside him. Yuu whimpered, trying not to scream again. They moved rhythmically, in and partly out, in and partly out, and with each movement came a fresh wave of agony. The fingers moved strangely, hurting him more, until they were gone. Yuu breathed out a rough sigh of relief, but then something larger thrust home, and this time, Yuu did scream out. He got a punch to the ribs and then lips were biting at his chest. His body arched and hit the floor repeatedly with the force of his father’s thrusts, and he felt tears fall freely from his face. He didn’t care. It hurt. He was allowed to cry when it hurt.

“Don’t cry just because it hurts, Yuu-chan. Don’t be a girl,” his father hissed through clenched teeth. His facial expression was strange, and Yuu didn’t understand it. His father’s eyes were dark, and his face was pinched in rage and something Yuu had never seen before. He couldn’t place it.

“Yasuo-san, please, stop this,” his mother cried softly. His father didn’t seem to hear it, though, and he pounded even harder into Yuu. He tried to stop the flow of tears, but he couldn’t. Harsh hands squeezed painfully on his thighs, and for a second, Yuu forgot about the other, larger pain. He yelled out as his father bit him roughly on the collarbone, breaking the skin. Something scraped against his bone, and his yell turned into a howl. Unforgiving lips covered his, and he tasted blood. It dripped down his throat, burning it with its copper taste. Yuu gagged as he tried to breathe and swallow at the same time, and something burst in him as he coughed hard and loud.

A hand patted him on the head, feeling more like his father’s touch. He looked up into the man’s eyes, and that dark expression was gone. Fingers ran through the hair at the top of his head and then mussed it before it fell.

“That was fun, Yuu-chan. Let’s do it again sometime.” He hauled up his pants, and the belt accidentally hit Yuu as it was pulled into his father’s grip. He lay there, shivering on the kitchen floor, as his father grabbed his mother and left the room.

He never forgot the screams that followed.

-

_Lavi stared, dumbfounded. He held Yuu even tighter, and he fervently hoped he wasn’t choking the man._

_“How old were you?” He asked._

_“I was five,” Yuu said, his voice flat. The way he had reported the rape to Lavi made him worried. He was repeating all the facts emotionlessly, and it reminded Lavi of his unbiased reports to Bookman._

_“That was just the beginning,” Yuu added before going on._

_-_

Eventually, he had to get up off the floor, and despite the pain it brought him, he limped heavily over to the _furo._ He stepped in, not bothering to bathe himself first like he should have, and he grabbed a nearby bar of soap. He didn’t particularly care that he was dirtying the water—he just wanted to get clean. He lathered up a washcloth and ran it slowly, lightly, up his left arm. He sat in a trance, watching the water slowly turn pink as he attempted to rub away the dirty feeling he had.

The door opened, and he cringed into a corner of the bath. He winced at the abrupt pain from his backside, but he couldn’t quite stop the whimper.

“It’s me, Yuu,” his mother said softly. Yuu didn’t look up. “Do you mind if I join you?” Yuu didn’t respond, he only held his legs to his chest, trying to make himself small and unnoticeable.

The water shifted and grew a darker pink as his mother entered. With careful and gentle hands, she peeled the washcloth from Yuu’s grip and lathered it again. She began to slowly and tenderly wash off his arms. When she was finished, she pulled at their grip, and they fell to touch the wooden bottom of the traditional bathtub. She extended his legs and washed both of those until she was halfway up his thighs. Then, she pulled him forward and rubbed the washcloth over his stomach and back. He cringed as her touch went dangerously close to his aching spots, and then the washcloth was removed.

“May I wash your hair, Yuu?” His mother asked as she massaged his lightly throbbing shoulders soothingly. He didn’t move, too afraid her touch was going to become violent. “I’m going to wash your hair, _ne?_ ” He nodded.

Soapy hands ran through his hair, and he felt himself finally begin to relax at her touch. It was so soft, so comforting, that he couldn’t help it. When her hands left his hair and washed his neck, face, and ears, he relaxed further, so much that he didn’t realize where the washcloth was headed until he felt a featherlight touch on his aching regions. He whimpered and curled up as far back as he could, despite the fresh waves of pain that followed his movement.

“Relax, Yuu,” his mother said, “I promise I won’t hurt you. I just want to clean you off, _ne_?”

Yuu quivered in fear the entire time his mother completed washing his body. The second the touch was gone, he curled his legs back up to his chest, and he encircled his arms around them. He looked up at his mother for the first time, and he let out an involuntary gasp.

The entire left side of her face was swollen and darkly bruised. There were deep purple marks on her throat, and there were open wounds over her entire body. More bruises covered her ribcage, and Yuu saw her wince as she sat back. Her breath hitched, but she calmly washed herself off.

When she was finished, she grabbed two white towels from a shelf. She wrapped one around herself and then turned to Yuu. She fished him from the water, and he stood limply on the bathroom floor as she gently toweled him dry. He noted that the towel was very pink before she grabbed a fresh one to wrap him with.

“I can’t say everything will be okay, Yuu, but I can promise that he won’t do it again.” Her face was set, and she had a triumphant gleam in her eye. She pulled Yuu into her arms and lifted him, carrying him to his futon, where she sat him down. Yuu watched her every movement carefully as she went to his closet and produced a pair of pajamas. She pulled them over him with the same light touch she had used in the bath, and then she laid him down and pulled the covers up to his chin. “Please, try to sleep well,” she said, rubbing his forehead affectionately. Her expression was very soft, with hints of worry and sadness, but she leaned down and kissed his forehead before leaving the room. She shut the door on the way out, and before Yuu let himself fall asleep, he was sure he heard a lock click.

Before sweet unconsciousness crashed over him, he vowed to protect his mother, so that she would never again suffer the injuries he had just seen. His own pain didn’t matter. As long as his mother was safe, he would be fine. He would be the shield that blocked his father’s blows.

-

_“But it happened again,” Lavi said._

_Yuu nodded. “But not for a long time. A lot of other things happened first.”_

_-_

A number of factors led to him staying on his futon for over a week with a high fever and a racking cough. It was probably partly due to the trauma, as well as the long amount of time he had spent on the kitchen floor. It could have been from the infection that purpled the deep bite-mark on his collarbone. It simultaneously itched and throbbed, and Yuu had to repeatedly stop himself from scratching at it. As his mother had said, it would only make it worse.

One time, when he had been feeling better, he’d walked over to the kitchen, from which echoes of voices had been coming. His hand touched the sliding door, about to open it, when he heard his name being spoken.

“I don’t know how Yuu is going to react now, but I know his father will never let him alone after what happened. Emiko, I don’t know what to do,” his mother said, her voice heavy with an emotion Yuu could not place.

“Are you sure you won’t leave him?” Emiko, his mother’s closest friend, asked. Yuu stood, transfixed, at the door. He needed to know why they were talking about this.

“You know I can’t. My body has always been frail, susceptible to disease. His family is well-off, and now that he owns the restaurant, we are very wealthy. To leave him would mean death for me.”

“Fumiko—”

“I can’t protect Yuu if I’m _dead_ , Emi-chan,” his mother said, her voice cracking. “If I die, his father will have to take care of him, and I don’t know what he’d do. As long as I’m here, I can protect him, if only to a certain extent.”

“I would take Yuu in, you know that.”

“The law wouldn’t allow it. Yasuo-san is his biological father. He has guardianship over him.” His mother sighed, and there was a rustle of fabric, as if her friend had pulled her into a hug. Yuu figured this was a safe time to walk in, as the conversation seemed to have ended.

He slid open the door, and he was elated to see that his playmate, Kosuke, was sitting next to his mother. He saw his friend’s face light up.

“Yuu-kun!” He shouted, getting up and running over to him.

“Kosuke!” Yuu shouted back, feeling happy for the first time since the kitchen incident. The other boy pulled him into a bear hug, and Yuu winced at the pain in his still-bruised ribs.

“Yuu!” His mother said, shocked. He looked over at her as the other boy let him go. “What are you doing in here? You should be in bed!”

“ _Okaa-san,_ I’m thirsty,” he said softly, not trusting himself to speak any louder.

“I’ll get you a drink if you go wait in bed,” she said gently, getting up to push him lightly back toward the door.

“But I want to see Kosuke,” he protested, leaning back against her. It was the first contact he’d initiated with his mother since the incident, but he was glad that it still felt good.

“I’m sorry, Yuu, but you can’t see Kosuke right now. You wouldn’t want to get him sick, would you?” Yuu reluctantly looked down, shaking his head. “Good. Go back to your room, please, Yuu, and I’ll be there in a minute with some tea and water.”

He waited a moment after his mother closed the sliding door behind him.

“I’m sorry, Emiko, but if you could never bring Kosuke back here… I know it will hurt both of them, but I really don’t want your son getting hurt, too. I don’t know where Yasuo-san will stop.”

“I understand,” Emiko responded.

“Could you spread the word to everyone else, too? I’m in no state to be outside right now, and the only reason I let you in is because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Don’t worry, Fumiko,” his mother’s friend reassured. “I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know. Thank you.”

Yuu walked back to his room, suddenly a bit dizzy, though he didn’t know why. He lay on his futon, and within moments, he was asleep.

\---

Yuu shivered as his mother laid a cool cloth on his forehead, smoothing back his fringe as she did so. Her face was slowly turning the yellow of healing bruises, and when Yuu looked at his stomach and chest, he noted his own marks were doing the same.

His father had not come home since the day in the kitchen. Yuu shrank away from the memory. He didn’t really know or understand what had happened to him, only that he felt extremely violated and irrevocably dirty. His mother had bathed him twice more in the _furo_ , disregarding the fact that they were supposed to bathe outside it. She told Yuu that she had always thought it would be nicer just to bathe in the actual bath, like the Westerners. She only washed his back and hair for him, a fact for which Yuu was glad. He didn’t want his mother touching him any more than was strictly necessary.

Three more days passed before his fever broke. He spent a further two days recovering. His bite-mark was now an angry, very itchy red, and Yuu had reluctantly gone to his mother for salve to relieve the worst of the symptoms.

Yuu sat outside his parents’ room, knowing his father wasn’t there but wanting to protect his mother from any potential attack. He dozed lightly through the darkest hours of the night, but sometime in the early morning, he heard a rattling as the front door opened. He quaked in fear but steeled his resolve. His pain didn’t matter, he told himself. His mother must not be hurt.

He heard a shuffling noise, and his eyes widened in fear. Exactly twelve days after his father had hurt him on the kitchen floor, he returned.

The burning reek that his father sometimes exuded at night reached Yuu’s nose, which wrinkled up in distaste. His father always acted funny when he smelled like this, and it often scared Yuu, even though he loved his father.

“Yuu-chan, what’re ya doin’ ther?” His father slurred, leering down at him.

“ _Okaa-san’s_ asleep, I don’t want you to wake her up,” he said quietly, looking defiantly into his father’s eyes. His father raised a mocking eyebrow and chuckled deep in his chest.

“ _Protecting_ yer mother from-me? How sweet, Yuu-chan,” his father said. “But I kinda wanna see m’wife, so yer gonna haveta move, _ne_?”

Yuu shook his head.

“Looks like I haveta teach ya a lesson, then,” his father said, and he began to hum a haunting tune to himself.

“ _Sakura, sakura,_ ” his father sang eerily as he pulled a hand back. At the sixth syllable, his hand left a stinging mark on Yuu’s cheek.

“ _Noyama mo sato mo._ ” A punch to the gut, and kick in his groin. Yuu curled into a ball on the wooden floor. He could put up with this—he had to, or his mother would suffer.

“ _Miwatasu kagiri._ ” Three consecutive and painful kicks to his stomach. They all hit, despite his attempts to protect himself by curling up tighter. Tears of pain prickled in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He let out a whine as a fourth kick hit him in the solar plexus.

“ _Kasumi ka kumo ka,_ ” his father went on singing, raining fists on his legs. “ _Asahi ni niou._ ”

Putrid breath hit his face as his father leaned uncomfortably close.

“ _Sakura, sakura,_ ” he sang, one hand fisting tightly in Yuu’s hair. “ _Hana zakari._ ” He pulled Yuu’s head back, making his neck crack painfully. He yelled.

“ _Sakura, sakura,_ ” his father continued, punching Yuu in the face. _“Yayoi no sora wa_.”

“ _Miwatasu kagiri._ ” Yuu tasted blood. His lips were bleeding, and two teeth were dangling from strands in his mouth.

“ _Kasumi ka kumo ka_.” Why was it so hard to breathe?

“ _Nioi zo izuru._ ” His legs ached, and his stomach felt like a solid wall of pain. He dimly registered his father kicking his back in an attempt to force Yuu to uncurl. He sobbed softly and pulled his arms tighter.

“ _Izaya, izaya_.” His back arched when his father kicked between his shoulder blades, and Yuu felt his safe position unravel.

“ _Mini yu kan,_ ” his father sang, finishing the haunting melody. He kicked Yuu at the bottom of his ribcage and then keeled over, still humming the song until he passed out.

Yuu breathed in as best as he could, gritting his teeth against the pain. He had successfully protected his mother. It didn’t matter what it had cost him. He knew he’d be back here the next night, and the night that followed that. He would never allow his father to hurt his mother again.

-

_“It continued on in a similar manner for several weeks. Almost every night, my father would punch, kick, and slap at me until I was bedridden. The worst were the nights when I was too injured to guard the door, and I always heard my mother’s screams. The next day, she would never leave her room, and after a while, I gathered that she didn’t want me to see her as she was. The worst part of those nights was that I couldn’t make any move to stop it. I’ve never felt so guilty in my life.”_

_“Yuu, you couldn’t have done anything to—”_

_“I know that, but it still hurt more than the physical pain.”_

_Lavi sighed but dropped the subject. “What happened next?”_

_“It got worse.” That was all that needed to be said._

_-_

_September 29, 1873—Kanda Household_

Yuu had fallen asleep outside her door again. He was jarred into consciousness by a sharp kick to the head. Looking up groggily, Yuu felt his heart falter at the sight of the large man above him. The man’s foot was raised as if to deliver another kick, but instead, it dropped swiftly onto Yuu’s outstretched arm, snapping it like a twig. This time, he screamed out.

“ _Iie!_ ” He cried, his voice ripping from his throat.

“Don’t scream like a fucking girl!” the man shouted, grinding his foot down on the broken bone. Yuu saw stars, and he moaned and screamed again.

“ _Otou-san, yamero!_ ” He shouted, but of course, the man didn’t stop. Later, when a doctor came to visit, she held his hand silently as they pulled the bone back into place. His father had told the doctor that he had fallen from a tree. Thus began Yuu’s reputation as Kanda Yasuo’s clumsy son.

-

_“After that, he didn’t hesitate to break bones. He didn’t do it often, but when it happened, they were never a simple break. Sometimes, he wouldn’t call for a doctor until after it had partially healed, just so that I could ‘enjoy’ the pain of them re-breaking it.” Yuu shuddered against Lavi’s chest._

_“What about the scars on your head?” Lavi questioned._

_“Those happened next. It was the New Year, the second time it was celebrated on January first.”_

_-_

_January 1, 1874—Kanda Household_

Yuu’s uneven, short hair stuck out at odd angles, and Yuu found himself loathing it as much as he was beginning to loathe that man. He had been sitting in the living room, reading, when he felt a sharp tug at the back of his head. The smell of alcohol assaulted him. It was too early for his father to be home, but defying all logic, there he was. Yuu fought the urge to run—he needed to protect his mother.

“You look like a girl,” his father thundered angrily. Yuu looked around and gasped in horror as the man pulled out a sharp kitchen knife from behind his back. “That’s a problem. Men shouldn’t be girly like you.”

He pulled hard on Yuu’s hair, ripping it out at the scalp. Yuu whimpered. He knew how bad it was to scream.

“Don’t snivel like a girl, Yuu-chan,” his father growled. He brought the knife up to Yuu’s scalp and began to cut, not caring if he nicked Yuu’s skin or not. Yuu nearly vomited as he saw a lump of skin and hair fall to the ground at his feet. Blood began to drip into his eyes, and behind him the man kept hacking away at his head. Suddenly, the man stopped and kicked Yuu to the floor. Yuu knew what was following and braced himself.

His father kicked and punched him without mercy, leaving no spot without a bruise. Yuu felt a rib groan under one of the blows, and his breathing abruptly became harder. He knew that it wasn’t broken—he had come to be a very good judge of that—but it was at least bruised, and it smarted when his father hit the same place again. He held in his whimper, but it was replaced with a low groan.

“Still making noises, Yuu-chan?” His father asked menacingly, pushing at his ribs with his booted foot. Yuu shook his head. At some point, any noise he made had become an invitation for the man to hurt him further. He hadn’t meant to whimper earlier, but it had come out anyway.

He gasped in pain as the boot met the sore spot on his rib a third time, and this time he felt it break. He gritted his teeth. He could get through this. Normally, his father stopped soon after breaking something. He knew how to keep the authorities away.

“That snapped awfully quickly, didn’t it?” His father questioned mockingly. “That’s the first time I’ve broken a rib. Tell me, Yuu-chan, did you like it?”

Yuu hissed in another breath. It was getting increasingly hard to breathe while his father’s foot was placed atop him, bearing down on him like a heavy weight.

His father laughed and walked away, and Yuu sighed in relief as his breathing became slightly easier. It hurt to move, but he could survive for now. He tried to get up, and his hand touched something slick and squishy. He looked down, and his stomach roiled again. Clutching his chest, he stumbled over to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before his stomach rebelled. Every retch brought black spots of pain to his eyes, and the dry heaves that made him curl up on the floor made his vision go black.

When the nausea passed, Yuu stood up, shaking in emotional and physical distress. He couldn’t manage to bathe himself, and he hoped he would be able to before his mother walked in. Sighing, he looked in the mirror, gazing at his foul hair. He tried to ignore his lifeless eyes and slack face. He did not smile. There was no reason to smile, and he hadn’t done so in a long time. The bathroom door opened behind him. His mother walked in, carrying a pair of scissors. Yuu tried to hide his flinch. He knew that she would never hurt him.

“Here, Yuu, let me fix your hair,” she said, and he did. He didn’t even complain when she used a cloth covered in sharp-smelling alcohol to sterilize his blood-crusted scalp.

When he had been young, before all of this had started, his father had entertained him with stories of the crazy Native Americans, who were said to be very violent, ripping and tearing the settlers’ hair from their very heads. It was called scalping, and Yuu couldn’t help but feel that that was what had just happened to him. Though his mother tried to fix it, cropping his hair short and evening out the ends, there were still patches where he was obviously missing some. He mourned its loss; he had always loved his hair. It reminded him of his mother’s.

“ _Okaa-san?_ ” he asked as his mother put the scissors away.

“Yes?”

“ _Otou-san_ said I’m girly. Do you think I’m girly?” He looked up at his beloved mother.

“No, Yuu, I think you are young and have not yet grown enough for your father to judge you like that.” She bent down to hug him, and the light pressure of the arm going around his middle hit his broken rib. He yelled for a small moment. He was allowed to yell around her.

“Yuu, what’s wrong?” She asked, her face immediately alarmed.

“It’s… nothing,” he muttered, looking away from her. The floor had suddenly become very interesting.

“Do not lie to me about your injuries,” his mother said sternly, and she turned his thankfully unbruised face back toward hers. She gazed intensely into his eyes, and Yuu stared dejectedly back. He couldn’t refuse his mother.

“Broken rib,” he muttered, trying and failing to wrench his face from her grasp. He flinched as the movement bothered said rib.

“We will get you to a doctor,” she said firmly.

_“It got even worse, of course. That year, I got a very special birthday present, filled with love from my dearest father.” Yuu’s voice filled with sarcasm, and he laughed humorlessly. At some point, he had grabbed Lavi around the waist, and he held the other man tightly. He felt the redhead’s arms squeeze him for a moment. It was comforting gesture, and despite everything, Yuu felt better for it. A low, burning feeling filled him, but it was extinguished the second he began recounting the next memory._

_\---_

_June 6, 1874—Kanda Household_

“Get outta my way, Yuu-chan,” the tall figure of his father slurred out gruffly, trying to push Yuu back. But Yuu wasn’t going to move. He knew what happened when he let the hated man through that door.

“No,” he said insolently, his high-pitched child’s voice sounding loud in the quiet of the night.

“You heard me, brat. Outta my fuckin’ way!” His father intoned thunderously. Even from a meter below him, Yuu smelled the alcohol reeking down to tickle his nostrils.

“No!” He said more clearly, crossing his arms on his chest.

“I’ll teach you to fucking cross me, boy!” The man’s right hand rose up, and Yuu knew what would come next. He’d lost count of how many times he’d been guarding the door, but he had come to expect a full-out beating before the tormentor would leave. When he had first started guarding the door, there had only been a strike or two, but over the last year, it had grown steadily worse. This time, flesh didn’t meet flesh. Yuu found himself thrown backward as something hard and cold crashed against his left cheek. Rank-smelling liquid dribbled down his face, and he felt the sting of blood rushing from a wound. He put a hand to his cheek, but something cut at his fingers as he ran them down the length of his wound. He looked up fearfully at the man in front of him and saw his right hand fisted over the neck of what had been his bottle of sake.

“I’ve told you what would happen if you kept blocking the entrance to my bedroom, but you didn’t believe me, did you?” His father mocked, smiling widely. He paused, and then his eyes went wide in some sort of realization. “Oh, it’s your birthday today. How about a drink, Yuu-chan?” He left Yuu on the ground, walking away. Yuu sat up, sitting against the door to his mother’s room once more. He knew his father would be back, and he wouldn’t give the loathsome man the pleasure of seeing him sprawled on the floor.

Not a minute later, his father returned, carrying three bottles of sake that Yuu suspected had been filched from his family’s restaurant.

“Now, which bottle would you like, Yuu-chan?” He asked, his voice the very parody of playful. Yuu opened his mouth to respond with a firm “none of them,” but already his father was uncorking the middle bottle. “I’m sure you’d like this one the best. I’ve always found I love the strong flavors of _muroka_ sake.”*

He grabbed Yuu in an iron-tight hold and wrenched his jaw open. Yuu tried to shout, despite the consequences, but his voice was drowned as the beverage was dumped, too quickly, into his mouth. He tried not to swallow, but his father noticed and pulled the bottle back.

“Don’t waste it, Yuu-chan!” He hissed, slapping his son hard enough to leave a bruise. Yuu’s hand twitched at his side, begging to reach up and touch the fresh wound. His eyes watered as his father rubbed at his throat, making him swallow. The liquid burned as it fell to his stomach. His father didn’t wait for him to recover his breath, he just poured more of the foul-tasting beverage down Yuu’s protesting throat.

He sputtered and coughed, but still his father tipped the bottle, making Yuu drink. Even as he started to choke, his father mercilessly continued until the bottle was empty.

“Gone already?” He asked, pouting. “But you seemed to like it. I think you should have some more, don’t you?” He prepared the next bottle.

Yuu’s stomach burned as he coughed harshly, spittle and alcohol mixing on the floor below him. He couldn’t seem to get his breath back, and his throat felt raw, as if someone had poured fire down it. He barely felt it as the second bottle was held to his lips, and this time, he had no trouble swallowing it. His throat was too numb to rebel against the hated, reeking sake. Thankfully, his father kept the third bottle for himself.

He was stupid enough to feel relieved when his father sat up after finishing his beverage. He raised the bottle above his head, and Yuu was feeling too woozy to move as it smashed down onto his left leg. There was muted pain, but he was starting to see double. He felt another bottle hit his leg, but it looked like his father was holding three. Something hit him again—his mind vaguely registered that it must have been the third bottle. He felt a twinge as something tightened around both his legs, but his mind was starting to shut down, and everything went black. He heard something rap sharply on the ground, but all other noises were muted.

He woke up choking, coughing on something foul in his mouth. He turned onto his side, his hand falling into a pool of something cold and wet as it tried to support his weight. It buckled weakly, and he hit the ground, vomiting. Dimly, he realized that he was in a pool of his own sick, but as another wave of puke rose up his throat, the thought left his mind.

When he was finished, he collapsed into the foul-smelling pool, unable to keep his eyes open. When he next came to awareness, his mother was carrying him to the bathroom. She washed his hair first, and then she moved on to his face, removing the glass from his cheek. She spent extra time ensuring the deep cut was clean. She moved to the rest of his body, and he screamed when she got to his glass-filled legs; she gasped in horror at the sight. Grimly, she pulled a candle next to him and used tweezers to remove as much of the glass she could find. Yuu tried to stay still the whole time, and only his pained gasps belied his suffering.

-

_Lavi looked sick. Yuu had pulled back enough to see the man’s face. He was surprised the redhead had not left him, disgusted by how befouled he was._

_“That only happened once. I guess the old man figured he didn’t want to waste anymore sake. He liked to break his empty bottles over my legs, though. I’ve probably still got glass in them, although my mother was pretty good at getting it all out._

_“My father always went to work at the beginning of the day, so I never saw him in the morning. Whenever I was well enough, I would go outside. I never saw any of my playmates again. I asked about them, but my mother brushed off the questions each time. I think she was trying to protect them, since she couldn’t protect me.” His voice sounded a little resentful, but he didn’t feel that way. He loved his mother deeply. If he had the choice of going back in time, he wouldn’t change a thing he had done for her._

_“Did you hate your mother?” Lavi asked quietly as one of his hands played with the ends of Yuu’s recently cut hair._

_“Never. She was the only thing that kept me from running. I only tolerated it because I thought I was saving her from the abuse,” Yuu said in a monotone._

_“You thought?” Lavi questioned._

_“I’ll get to that,” Yuu promised. “Other things happened first. Like when I was seven…” His voice choked out his last word, and Lavi hugged him back to his bare chest._

_-_

_November 23, 1875—Kanda Household_

He sat, bleary-eyed, in front of his mother’s door, just as he did every night. His father tended to spend many nights out, returning only for dinner before leaving. Yuu didn’t dare to hope—he had stopped hoping a long time ago. He knew his father would return, and Yuu knew he’d be the worse off for it.

A light moan came from behind the door, and his heart clenched. His mother was sick, but the doctor had said it wasn’t contagious. Still, he would never allow his father near her in her weakened state.

A loud crash followed by the stench of alcohol announced his father’s presence. There was another small groan from behind the door, and Yuu sharpened his resolve. He heard footsteps and another crash. There was a frustrated yell as his father fell through the paper doors that led to the hallway from the kitchen. His father stumbled to his feet and swayed around the corner. His eyes narrowed as he saw Yuu.

“Still here, boy?” He asked, his speech somewhat clear despite his obvious drunkenness.

“Always,” Yuu vowed under his breath. His father didn’t seem to notice.

“You’re gonna let me through there today, _gaki,_ ” he growled, the palpable aura of alcohol around him growing in density.

“No,” Yuu said defiantly. He heard another small moan from his mother’s room, boosting his confidence.

He was slammed back into the door.

“You will let me through, Yuu-chan,” he ordered.

Yuu looked directly into his eyes. “No,” he responded clearly.

His father’s eyes narrowed, becoming calculating. “I’ll show you,” he muttered. He threw Yuu to the ground, and Yuu saw stars as his head hit it hard. He gasped as hands ripped at his clothes, just as they had when he was five. His pants and undergarments were gone before he could properly respond. He tried to get away, but his father slapped him back to the ground with a large, forceful hand. Yuu’s breathing became ragged as he started to hyperventilate. He couldn’t break his promise, but he remembered that something horrible had happened to him when he was five, and it had involved something like this.

Rough hands twisted him until he was on his stomach, his face smashed on the cold, wooden floor.

He felt the same invasive feeling he had felt those two years ago, and he screamed shortly as pain and memory mixed. A hand fisted in his hair, pulling his head up and back until his eyes locked with his father. His head burned at the touch. He had only had his hair cut a week ago, and many of the wounds were still fresh.

“Don’t scream, Yuu-chan. Only the whores scream—oh, and your mother, too.”

Yuu balked and gritted his teeth, resolving to never make another sound.

His father’s thrusts became too strong for Yuu’s frail, abused body to handle, and he went crashing into the ground as the old, perverted man finished up in what was left of his hair. He screamed again, and he heard a strange, almost hissing, noise as he lay on the ground, letting the tears escape freely.

Sharp pain seared his back, and Yuu screamed unintentionally.

“Don’t scream, Yuu-chan, or are you a whore?” His father yelled from above him, laughing. Yuu felt another line of pain down his back, and it repeated once, twice… he couldn’t remember how many times, just that it hurt worse with each blow. He was a quivering mess on the floor when his father had finished, but he was beyond screams at that point.

“I see I’ve made myself clear,” his father said, whipping him once more. Yuu flinched and whimpered, but he couldn’t do anything more. He looked up with tear-filled eyes. His father was holding a blood-drenched belt in his right hand. The end with the buckle hung limply toward the floor, and as Yuu’s eyes followed it, he saw small flecks of gore speared around the metal.

_“How many times did this happen?” Lavi asked. He was shaking, and Yuu had a sinking feeling it was with rage, judging by how clipped his last word had been._

_“Almost every other night toward the end,” he replied flatly._

_“Did he always whip you?”_

_“Not all the time. But two nights before the end, he used the wine bottle to—” his voice broke off. He couldn’t say it—not even Lavi could make him say it._

_“Those were the scars I felt,” Lavi stated, but Yuu felt he deserved confirmation._

_“Yes,” he said, his voice soft and defeated. Lavi pulled him closer, gathering him until only physics decreed that they could not occupy the same space simultaneously. Yuu began to shiver a little, but it wasn’t out of cold. After a long moment of silence, he continued on._

_\---_

_July 8, 1876—Kanda Household_

He felt proud of himself. His father hadn’t even tried to enter his mother’s room for a whole week. Perhaps his presence was actually doing some good. Maybe it was the fact he was now eight years old or the fact that his father seemed to be going lighter on the sake, but it all equated to the same thing: his mother had not been hurt for an entire week. She was good at hiding her pain, but now that Yuu knew what to look for—that small tightness at the corner of her eyes, the small hitches in her breaths when she stood up or sat down, the very slight winces she gave whenever Yuu touched a tender spot—he understood just how good of a relief the past week had been for her.

All pride fell away like water into a drain when he heard the front door slam open. Alcohol reeked like an aura around the foul man as he approached, and Yuu’s eyes widened in real fear as the man grabbed him bodily and threw him into the kitchen.

“Your filthy hair is too long again, Yuu-chan,” his father said, and Yuu heard the sound of metal against wood as the man pulled out the usual knife. Yuu squeezed his eyes shut in preparation for the horrible pain that would follow.

“Open your eyes. Take it like a man,” his father growled, grabbing Yuu’s short locks in his overlarge hand. He pulled the knife uncaringly through Yuu’s hair. Yuu whimpered, a tear falling from his right eye, as the knife caught his ear, slicing partway through the cartilage. The man stopped his motions and grabbed Yuu’s jaw with bruising force.

“Oh, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about, Yuu-chan. If you’re gonna be a girl, there better be a good reason for it.” The man slipped from his view, and Yuu let out a small, relieved breath. He knew something worse was coming, as that invariably happened after such a comment, but for now, he was simply glad the hair-cutting knife was gone. He was surprised his hair could still grow, but he thanked his higher deities that it still did.

There was more metal on wood, but the quality was longer, as was the duration. Yuu’s heart stopped for a moment, fear dripping into his stomach and chest like an icy beverage. He gasped as his father slunk back into view, carrying a tomato knife. Yuu shrank back into himself in terror. His father threw him back on the kitchen table, where he’d been sitting, and pointed the knife at Yuu’s face.

“Since you wanted something to cry about, I’ll give it to you, _ne,_ Yuu-chan?” He wore a sick, gruesome smile that promised a lifetime of agony. Swiftly, the man sliced down, going from Yuu’s collar bone down to pelvis, cutting through his jinbei. Yuu tried to stifle his small whine of pain as the double-pronged serrated knife slid through his skin. Another tear fell from his eye, and a third one joined it a moment later at the other side of his face.

His father opened the top of his _jinbei,_ spreading it until Yuu felt cool air touch his chest. He shivered, more in fear than in actual cold, but he froze the second he felt the blade on the left side of his stomach. Pain. Screams—were they his? They couldn’t be, he wasn’t allowed.

Hot, burning, scorching pain inched its way sickeningly slowly up in a curve to his ribs. Yuu shouted, his scream becoming a guttural screech as the serrated blade sawed at his ribcage. The cold metal of the blade left his skin, but the pain remained, and Yuu looked down, horror-struck, at his stomach. His skin was flayed and uneven, ensuring a large, deep scar. He drew in a sharp breath and winced as he saw his stomach muscles move underneath. A wave of nausea engulfed him at the pools of blood sheeting down like a waterfall from his open, gaping wound. He looked at his ribs and felt bile pool at the back of his throat. He choked on it, unable to swallow it back down. He could see his first two ribs clearly, despite the blood, and they had a deep fissure in them. White hot pain emanated from that area and Yuu fought against the unconscious oblivion his body was trying to force him into. He couldn’t faint—he couldn’t. If he did, what was to say he would ever wake up again? In the back of his mind, he felt the tears pouring out of his eyes at the same fast pace of the blood from his stomach and the cries and whimpers of pain as he tried to ride it out. He heard a laugh, a sick, maniacal laugh, above him, and he looked in its direction. He saw his father with a sickeningly large smile as he giggled over his pain-ridden son. Yuu decided at that moment that he would never cry again. He would never give that man the pleasure of seeing it.

He didn’t know how hard it would be to keep that promise.

-

_Yuu pulled back again, looking into the other man’s face for any sign of rejection. He only saw Lavi’s pallor turn a sickly green, and the man heaved a little._

_“Urgh,” he said, his voice disgusted as he swallowed. “That’s fucking disgusting.” He traced a finger across Yuu’s scar, and Yuu trembled under the touch._

_“He used the tomato knife again later. I was just sitting at the dinner table—it was a rare day when he was home early—and he pulled off my shirt and started cutting off bits of flesh with it.”_

_Lavi’s face turned greener, and he swallowed several times before speaking again._

_“I’m sorry for ever calling you “Yuu-chan,” by the way,” he said softly._

_“I don’t hate you for it,” he stated. “I told you before, I don’t… mind it when you call me that.”_

_“Why?” Lavi’s face was openly curious, as if he couldn’t comprehend Yuu ever wanting to hear that nickname again._

_“Because it’s you,” he replied simply. Lavi’s eye softened, and he turned less green. He smiled slightly at Yuu, but his expression sobered a moment later, all hints of his earlier look gone. His face was hard again._

_“There was more, of course,” Lavi said matter-of-factly._

_“Naturally.”_

_-_

_September 7, 1877—Kanda Household_

His father leered above him in that way that meant Yuu would be raped again that night. Yuu never failed to flinch at that expression, though he was much better at hiding it now. He’d long ago come to the conclusion that being unresponsive was the best way to get through it. He’d perfected it like it was an art. Every time his father began to touch him—and the touches began to last longer before his father did his business—he would begin meditation breathing. It had been hard at first, but after a while, he was able to go into a nice trance, his mind far from his body. There, he could float safely above the excruciating pain and humiliation of having his father pound into him.

Something was different this time, though. As his father flicked a finger over his nipple, something changed. A disgusting pleasure rippled down his spine, going low. His father chuckled.

“It seems you’ve finally started to like it, Yuu-chan,” he said with a sickening smile. “Let me help you enjoy it more.”

His father’s mouth went to his collarbone, and Yuu felt the man’s tongue swirl sickeningly along his old scar. His father bit it lightly, and Yuu felt that nauseating feeling shoot through him again.

“ _Yamero,_ ” he muttered, and his father responded with a light chuckle.

“Not when we’re both enjoying this so much,” his father whispered as his head trailed down, down, down…

Yuu gasped as something warm and wet covered him. A ghastly moan escaped his lips as his father’s tongue darted out. He hated this, hated it, hated it…

But somehow, his body was responding anyway, and Yuu didn’t have the presence of mind to go into his meditative state. His thoughts weren’t coherent. All he knew was that he hated it, hated the hand running up and down his length as his father gave him horrible, open-mouthed kisses. A hand went to his backside, and Yuu screamed as his father inserted two fingers.

“You’re not a whore, Yuu-chan,” his father clucked, wagging the fingers inside him as if in admonishment. Yuu trembled. He didn’t want to be feeling this. The feeling kept building and building despite his efforts to keep it at bay, and as his father moved his fingers father into him, brushing on something deep inside him, he rolled, kicking and screaming, over the edge.

“Just from that?” His father questioned. “We’ll have to work on that, won’t we?”

Yuu shook his head, tears of complete and utter humiliation falling like rain from his eyes. He wanted it all to stop, but his father continued to violate him until the unwanted feelings were back, until the unwanted feelings crashed over him once more.

That night, as he was washing himself, the dirty feeling no longer dissipated. It pulsed, strong and steady, at the front of his mind, and nothing he told himself made him feel any better. Yuu hated himself. He didn’t deserve to live. But he had to, because he had to protect his mother.

-

_“I was afraid you’d gone through puberty early,” Lavi muttered, his voice breaking. Yuu realized that the top of his head was wet, and when he looked up at Lavi, he noted that the other man was crying silently. “It makes sense—children who are abused normally mature faster out of necessity. I’m so sorry you had to live through that, Yuu.”_

_“I don’t want pity,” Yuu growled gruffly._

_“It’s not pity, Yuu. I am sad that you had to live through that, because it’s sick, what he did to you. No one should have to suffer that, and it hurts to know that you did.”_

_“I… don’t understand.”_

_“I love you,” Lavi said. “It hurts me to know you’ve been hurt. You know, that cliché stuff about your pain being my pain and all that. I never really believed in that until this past week. Seeing you in pain is really hard, though. I’m so sorry for all I’ve done to you.”_

_“You didn’t do anything,” Yuu replied honestly._

_“I fucking tried to commit suicide in front of you; how can you say I did nothing?” Lavi asked tremulously, and Yuu realized that the man must have been feeling extremely guilty about that._

_“You’re alive, so it doesn’t matter,” he said._

_“But it does,” Lavi whispered sadly._

_“No, it doesn’t.” He continued his tale before Lavi could respond to that again._

_-_

_October 26, 1878—Kanda Household_

It was Saturday, but his father was probably out whoring again. He always did that when his mother was sick. The sickness had set in two weeks ago, and it didn’t seem to be letting go. Yuu was afraid that this time his mother wasn’t going to get better. Over the last few years, she’d been sick on and off. Mostly, she was too contagious to be around, but this time, she wasn’t. This time, she was simply too sick to be around.

The doctor had been by the week before—while his father was out, of course—and he had given Yuu the diagnosis. Malaria. Because of her weak immune system, it was unlikely that she would survive this one. Indeed, in only two weeks, she had become bedridden and extremely ill.

He walked into her room with a glass of water and some light soup (if she could keep it down). She was burning with a high fever, and Yuu replaced the cloth on her forehead with a fresh, cold one. She gave a hacking cough, but as Yuu went to leave, she reached out and weakly grabbed his wrist. He stopped moving at once.

“Yuu,” she said, her voice thin and soft.

“Yes, _Okaa-san?_ ” He asked, hoping there was something he could do for her.

“When I’m on my deathbed, I need you to come and see me. It’s very important—it’s _vital_ that you come and see me, do you understand?” Her gaze was piercing, and Yuu nodded immediately. “I need you to promise me. Will you promise me, Yuu? Do you promise to come and see me, no matter what, when I’m on my deathbed?”

“Yes, of course. I promise, _Okaa-san,_ ” Yuu said, and his mother smiled and let her hand drop.

“Thank goodness,” she whispered, still smiling as her eyes closed. Yuu retreated from the room, unsure of what had just transpired. His mother wasn’t going to die. If she died, he would, too.

He sat outside his mother’s room, waiting for another request, and he opened a book after an hour or so. After three hours of nothing, he went into her room, but she was napping lightly. Satisfied that she wouldn’t be needing anything for a while, he went to his room, which was next to hers.

He heard the telltale sign of his father coming home, and he sighed, closing his book. Walking out of his room, he took his customary position in front of his mother’s door. His father never came back during the day. He couldn’t remember a time when he had. He thought back to all the afternoons he had spent outside. He hadn’t heard his father there, although he had been too busy entertaining himself, reading, or lying under the lotus bushes to pay attention to what happened inside. A thought struck him. His mother always went inside at about three or so. Looking at the clock across the hall, he noted that it was 3:12. Fear wrapped around his stomach. Had all his efforts been for nothing?

He shook his head. No, his mother just went inside because she had such a weak body. The excuse sounded weak, even to his ears. Hadn’t she always told him to stay outside until six o’clock every time she went in? Hadn’t he always nodded, glad that he had more time in the fresh, peaceful air?

He went back into his room, closing the door behind him, and he waited to see what would happen. His father entered his mother’s room, and after a minute, the yells and screams began.

“Yasuo-san, _stop!_ ” His mother shouted, and Yuu burst into the room. Just like when he was five, his father was overtop his mother, doing to her what he often did to Yuu.

“ _Otou-san,_ get off her,” he growled, not caring what punishment he got. His father didn’t even look over at him, just continued assaulting her. “She’s sick! You’re going to kill her!” He screamed, hoping the neighbors could hear. Perhaps they could stop this. He screamed and screamed until he felt something hard hitting the side of his face. He heard a knock on their front door as he hit the ground painfully.

“Kanda-san, Fumiko, is everything alright in there?” He heard a voice ask timidly. He looked over and saw his mother’s friend Emiko at the door. He saw her eyes widen as she took in the scene. She looked past him, probably toward his defiled mother, and added, “the police are on their way, don’t worry, Fumiko.”

Yuu scrambled back as his father strode angrily over to his mother’s friend, stepping on Yuu’s hand as he did so. He grabbed Emiko by the neck and threw her bodily into the wall. Yuu heard a distinct cracking noise, and he saw blood staining the wall as the woman fell a few centimeters. Her eyes widened in fear as his father’s hand tightened around her throat.

“YASUO-SAN! STOP! STOP NOW!” His mother screamed, and she thrashed on the bed, trying to get up. Yuu tore his eyes away from Emiko to look at his mother and saw her tied to one of the bed posts with his father’s shirt.

His father didn’t stop, not until Emiko had gone still, her wide eyes blank with death. Yuu shuddered and dragged himself across the floor to his mother. He freed her with shaking hands, and she pulled him into her arms.

His father stood there for a while, hand still clenched around Emiko’s throat as if her body would continue to breathe if he removed it. A heavy silence draped itself like a blanket over the three remaining people in the room.

A knock pervaded the thick air, and his father went to answer the door, checking to see that no blood was on him. There was none.

“Kanda-san, is everything alright here?” An unfamiliar voice asked.

“Yes, I’m sorry. The neighbors must have heard Yuu-chan’s tantrum. I’m terribly sorry to have accidentally brought you out here,” his father replied, speaking sickeningly politely, as he did in the restaurant. Yuu hated the switch. It was as if his father was a good man.

“Ah, you’ve calmed him down, then?”

“Yes, he’s just worried because his mother is sick.”

“Ah, I’m sorry to take you away from your wife. Have a good day.”

“You too, officer.”

A moment of fear passed, and then his father was stomping back into the room, face purple and livid. As he reached them, he cuffed Yuu hard on the head.

“I’m due back at the restaurant. The rest will have to wait until tonight.” He turned to stare directly into Yuu’s eyes. “You will not get in my way tonight, boy,” he hissed. Yuu quivered in fear, and his mother’s arms tightened around him, despite her weakness from fever.

They waited for a long time after his father left before they moved.

“We’re leaving tonight, Yuu,” his mother said calmly. He looked up at her and saw a tear run down her cheek. She let go of her son and walked over to her dead friend. “Oh, _Emiko,_ ” she said sadly, cradling the dead woman in her arms. Yuu watched his mother cry until she was asleep. He was too small to drag her back to the bed, so he rolled up his futon and brought it to her room.

He packed clothes for both himself and his mother, and he was shocked at the number of ruined _yukatas_ in her dresser. He really had been clueless. His father must have returned so many times to beat and rape her while Yuu was outside, enjoying the fact that there was a world outside of the house. Guilt berated him, beating him over the head like his father often did. He hadn’t stopped his mother from getting hurt at all.

That night, he cooked dinner. His mother sat, expressionless, at the table, waiting for the simple dish he made. She looked at the lotus flowers on the table, and she began to stroke the petals on one of them.

_“Wait—lotus flowers? I mean, you mentioned them earlier, but do they have anything to do with—”_

_“Shut up,_ Baka Usagi, _I’m_ getting _to that part.”_

_Lavi shut his mouth, and Yuu heard the click of his teeth snapping together._

They ate in the same silence that had surrounded them since his father had left.

His father was home late, later than usual. As always, the stench of booze surrounded him like an aura. He sat down at the table and started eating the dish that had been left out for him.

“What is this slop?” He asked nastily. “Did the stupid boy make it?”

“ _Yasuo-san,_ be quiet,” his mother said sharply. He looked up at her.

“Whaddid you say?”

“I won’t tolerate you talking to my son like that,” she answered, trying to sound firm, but the weakness in her voice rather lessened the effect.

“I’ll talk to my son how I like, bitch.”

“No, you won’t. We’re leaving tonight. I just wanted you to know so you wouldn’t bother us anymore. I will be going to my uncle’s house with Yuu, and he will care for Yuu when I die. Do _not_ come after us, Yasuo-san. You’ve already ruined both our lives.”

His father reached over the table, grabbing his sick mother by the collar of her latest _yukata._ With surprising strength, he pulled her onto the table and knocked her down so she was lying on her back. He ripped her _yukata_ as he did whenever he was too impatient, and he began to hit and kick her. She didn’t make a noise.

“Not in front of Yuu,” she pleaded. His father reached out a hand and slammed Yuu into the corner of the table. His head hit it sharply, and everything went black.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was his mother’s pained gaze. Her eyes were squinting with distress, and tears fell freely from them. Her face was almost unrecognizable, her nose smashed and her cheeks sporting large, swollen bruises. Her breathing was labored, and Yuu wasn’t sure if that was from the injuries or her illness.

He felt himself being lifted, and he looked up, horrified, into his father’s terrifying eyes.

“You’re next, Yuu-chan,” he sing-songed, and Yuu gulped. He knew he would not survive this.

His father did not hold back. Yuu had never known pain so horrible. His father came at him with an already bloody tomato knife. He gasped. Looking over at his mother for a split-second, he realized that she was lying in a pool of blood. His father grabbed his too-short hair, and this time, the tomato knife cut into his head. Yuu saw his hair fall to the ground. His father had gotten better at not cutting off his scalp, but he didn’t seem to care tonight, and Yuu hissed as one cut went past his hairline, causing blood to fall down his face and into his eyes. Another cut went deeply down the side of his scalp, and he whimpered at the feeling of knife nicking bone.

The knife was suddenly gone, and Yuu screeched as a new, larger pain went through his left thigh.

“How many times do I have to tell you to be quiet?” His father growled, and he shook the handle of the knife that was now sheathed in Yuu’s leg. Yuu couldn’t respond, just shook his head as unwanted tears fell. He was still whimpering, but he couldn’t help himself. Not even the pain of being raped could be compared to this.

“Does this hurt, Yuu-chan?” His father asked in that hateful, almost-playful voice. That horrible, predatory smile was on his face. “Should I make it go away?”

Yuu didn’t like the sound of that.

His father ripped the knife from his leg, and Yuu screamed. At some point, the blade had become stuck in the wooden floor, pinning his leg to it. The force of the upward motion threw his leg up, and small, wooden splinters embedded themselves in the back of his thigh.

He felt his father kick in three of his ribs, breaking them as if he were stepping on twigs. Breathing immediately became difficult as one punctured his lung. He coughed, and blood dripped from his mouth to the floor. A kick in the side threw him on his back, and then his father had the belt out again. He had long ago learned how to be silent when his father whipped him, but this time, it was impossible not to make a sound. He cried out anew with each lash on his back.

An elbow hit his back, and the tomato knife made a reappearance as it slashed through the back of his pants and through flesh. He knew what was going to happen next, and he tried to crawl away, but everything _hurt_ , and he _couldn’t move._

Thankfully, Yuu’s body was too injured to react to it, and some of the disgust that lay in the pit of his stomach lessened at that.

His father took a very long time, each thrust pushing his broken rib farther into his lung. He finished up and left the room, leaving Yuu a sniveling mess on the ground. It always happened this way. A few minutes later, he heard his father leave.

A sigh of relief came from his mother, who was thankfully only a few centimeters from him.

“Yuu,” she breathed. She coughed for a while, and Yuu saw blood come from her mouth, too.

“ _Okaa-san,_ ” he choked back. His words were thick with the blood that suffocated him. His rib throbbed in agony.

“Yuu, you have to live on. Can you promise me you’ll do that?” She asked weakly.

“I don’t understand,” he said.

“There is a spell that my family learned of, and it can heal you, keep you alive for a full life cycle. It will keep you from getting hurt and sick. It ties you to the petals of the lotus. It can only be invoked by someone who loves you deeply and wishes for you to live.”

“I still don’t understand, _Okaa-san._ ”

“I am dying. I was dying before this happened. The spell will take my life to invoke it, but I only have minutes left, so Yuu, please promise me you’ll agree to let me do it,” his mother pleaded, her voice fading.

Yuu nodded and dragged himself next to his mother.

“Will you get a lotus flower from the pot on the table?” His mother asked weakly. He nodded and stood, despite the pain. His left leg crumpled beneath him, but he managed to grab the pot, knocking it over as he pulled the bouquet down. Gently, he put one of the light pink flowers in his mother’s hand. She smiled gently at him.

“It is invoked with a promise. Yuu, I want you to find the one person in this world who is special to you. The one who can protect you and whom you can protect. The one person with whom you can share a mutual love, like I was never able to. At that point, the Lotus will keep you alive, and your life expectancy will change to match that of your partner. Will you allow the Lotus to do that for you, Yuu?”

“I promise, _Okaa-san,_ ” he responded through sobs that brought up an alarming amount of blood.

“With this promise, I hereby tie you to the lotus flower. May you live in good health and happiness, Yuu.” The lotus began to glow slightly, and something strange happened.

Their two separate pools of blood mingled, and a thin line of dark red liquid rose up to face Yuu. It stabbed at him, ripping his shirt to shreds as it came near. It hit his chest with a pain far worse than the knife through his leg, and Yuu screamed until his voice was gone. Even then, he continued to let out air, even though it made no noise. His tears increased exponentially, and he couldn’t keep his eyes open. His left breast was _burning,_ and it wasn’t _stopping._ He wanted to die—but no, his mother had just told him to live. He needed to live, but the pain was _so awful._ He wanted to lay down and give up, but—

The pain stopped as suddenly as it had begun, and when Yuu looked down on his chest to inspect the damage, he saw a dark red mark on his scarred chest, just over his left breast. The mark steadily darkened until it was ink black. The pain in his body began to recede, as if the mark was pulling it in. He felt the rib his lung snap back into place with the others. He felt the hole in his lung close. Wooden splinters fell from his thigh to the floor as that wound closed, scarring with alarming speed. Blood stopped flowing from the wounds on his back and scalp, and one by one, the rest of his injuries, old and new, began to heal.

His mother smiled peacefully as death stole the light from her eyes.

He clutched the lotus flower and ripped his eyes away from his dead mother. He ran over to the small cabinet where they kept mementos of his grandparents. Dumping his grandmother’s ashes into his grandfather’s urn, he took the deceased lady’s urn and carefully placed the lotus flower inside.

He put on a new _jinbei,_ wincing as each movement he made hurt his barely-healed broken ribs and battered body. Pausing only to say good-bye once more to his mother’s body, he left. He never once turned back.

-

_“So that’s how it happened. Bookman and I had always wondered about the origin of that spell. This is the first time I didn’t_ want _to know something,” Lavi said. He still held Yuu tightly in his arms, and Yuu was glad the other man was making no signs of leaving him. “Where did you go?”_

_-_

_October 27, 1878—Japan_

Yuu ran from the household of his ruined childhood. He had no money, but dinner lasted him until he reached the next town around dawn. He collapsed to the ground, panting. His battered body had begun to feel better the longer he’d run, and now, he could barely feel any of the pain from the previous evening. He allowed himself to rest in a nearby alley, and a few hours later, he started to run again, pausing only to get a long drink from the town’s well. He grimaced at the bitter taste but was glad for the water anyway.

He continued on his way, always keeping to the road so he could find the next town. He knew from the maps he had sometimes studied in the afternoons that he would not reach another village for a few days, and he hoped he’d be able to make it. He was determined to live for his mother.

A raindrop hit his face, and he put a hand to it. When was the last time he had felt rain? His mother had never allowed him outside during a storm, saying he’d catch a cold, and whenever the sky began to even hint at it, she would go inside. Yuu would invariably follow her. Now he wanted to feel the rain. Maybe it could wash away the dirt that he felt was inside him. The drops became more and more frequent, and when it finally started to drizzle lightly, Yuu stopped running and turned his face to the sky.

Hours later, when the rain had stopped, Yuu stood up, and he continued on his journey. His feet sunk slightly into the muddy ground, and the wet leaves made him slip several times. He was covered in mud and sludge by the next time he chose to break. He did not sleep that night—he couldn’t. He knew that bad things could happen in the night.

He walked onward, never looking back, even though he was exhausted, starving, and thirsty. By the middle of the twenty-eighth of October, Yuu fell face-first into the soft ground and passed out.

\---

_October 28, 1878—Japan_

Something was nudging his shoulder, pulling him from unconsciousness. He cracked an eye open and yelled, scrambling back a meter or so.

There was an old foreigner with frizzy, light brown hair leaning too close to him.

“Are you okay?” The mustached man asked in highly accented Japanese. Yuu could barely understand him.

A sturdy teenager came up behind the man and placed his hand on the foreigner’s shoulder.

“His heart is beating like a bird’s. He is scared,” the teen said, also in Japanese. The foreigner raised an eyebrow.

“Oh?” He looked at Yuu, smiling pleasantly. “I won’t hurt you. Can you tell me your name?”

Yuu backed up further and shook his head.

A green light pulsed from the man’s strange gold and black coat. Surprise lit the man’s features.

“ _Intéressant,_ ” the man muttered to himself in a language Yuu had never heard before. He reached into his coat, and Yuu readied himself to jump up and run past these two crazy people. The man produced a shiny, red apple and held it out to Yuu.

“You look famished. Would you like something to eat?” He said, placing the apple in the grass next to the road. Yuu’s stomach let out a hungry growl, and he couldn’t resist the offer of food. He slowly crawled forward, ready to back up if they struck him, and snatched the apple. He retreated back to his earlier position and tore into it, the juice running down his face in his haste.

“I am an Exorcist,” the man said as Yuu ate ravenously. “I am in an organization called the Dark Order, and we are fighting an enemy called the Millennium Earl.”

Yuu didn’t particularly care, but he listened anyway, as the man seemed to think this was important knowledge to impart on him.

“We fight with weapons made from something called Innocence. Innocence chooses people to accommodate with, and one of the pieces in my coat is reacting to you.”

Yuu looked up, genuinely surprised. “So?” He said through a large chunk of apple. He despised himself for his horrifying lack of manners.

“I would like you to come with us and train to be an Exorcist,” the man said, looking relieved that Yuu had finally said something.

“No,” he said, backing further away.

“I’m really sorry, but you have to come with me. The Order doesn’t give people choices in the matter.” His voice was heavy, almost regretful.

Yuu dropped what was left of the apple and ran, hoping that he was heading in the correct direction. He didn’t care, though, if it got him away from the strange foreigner and the teenager. Something caught the back of his muddy _jinbei,_ and he went flying up.

“I’m so sorry about this,” the foreigner said, sounding sincere, and Yuu felt something hit the side of his head.

\---

He awoke a few minutes later, his throbbing head already feeling much better. He looked up and saw up the foreigner’s large nose. He was held tightly in the man’s arms, and he resigned himself to the fact that he was being abducted. He decided to look at his surroundings, to see where they were headed. As he looked out, they passed by the spot where his discarded apple was—so he had been going in the wrong direction—and Yuu cried out when he saw his grandmother’s urn.

“My urn!” He shouted, struggling to free himself from the arms that carried him.

The bouncing of the man’s walk stopped, and Yuu felt the man’s chest reverberate as he _hmmm_ ’d to himself.

“Noise,” he said softly, “would you grab the urn on the ground?”

A moment later, the urn was placed into his hands by the large teenager. Yuu grasped it tightly, holding it to his chest.

“How are you awake so quickly?” The man asked, and Yuu realized he was being talked to.

“Magic,” he said. It wasn’t a lie.

“If you say so,” the man replied.

The man carried him to the next town, and they arrived long after the sun had set. Yuu tried to remain as alert as possible but soon found himself drifting off, and he hated himself for it. He couldn’t even protect himself.

When he awoke, he was on a soft bed. Looking around, he flinched when he noticed the teenager sitting next to him. His eyes were vacant though, as if he couldn’t see. Yuu attempted to get off the bed, but a large hand reached out and pushed him back down. He shuddered from the touch.

The teenager said something in a language Yuu couldn’t understand.

“ _Ego o hanashimasu ka?_ ” He asked. Yuu shook his head, and even though the teenager seemed blind, his face lit up in understanding. “I don’t speak Japanese very well,” he added in stilted Japanese. “My master does, though.”

The hand left Yuu’s shoulder, and he bolted to the door. Before he could even open it, tiny strings pulled him back. He didn’t yell out—that wasn’t allowed—but he did start pounding his fists on the door. After a moment, the door opened, and Yuu yelped and allowed the strings to heave him back to the bed.

“Please don’t try to escape,” the foreigner said. He looked at the teenager. “Noise, deactivate your Innocence. We don’t want to scare him anymore than he is.”

Yuu felt the strings go slack, and then they were gone. The foreigner pulled a strange, glowing crystal from his jacket, and he placed it at the end of the bed.

“I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself yet,” he said, looking Yuu in the eye. “My name is General Froi Tiedoll. That green crystal in front of you is your Innocence. Will you pick it up for me?”

Yuu narrowed his eyes calculatingly. This man was obviously crazy, but at the same time, he had nothing to lose. It was not like he really wanted to live anyway. If he accidentally broke his promise to his mother, she would understand, she would forgive him. Carefully, he reached out a hand and touched the gently glowing crystal. It flashed and changed form. It lengthened out until it was nearly as long as he was tall. The glow dissipated, and in its place was a straight, black blade that ended with a long, sturdy hilt. Yuu recognized it instantly as a chokuto. He blinked as he heard a whisper in his ear: _Mugen._ That was this chokuto’s name, he knew immediately.

Turning the blade in his hands, he was surprised by how light it was, as if it was crafted out of rice paper rather than metal. He wished it was a bit heavier, and suddenly, it was. It was a comforting weight, neither too light nor too heavy, and it felt good in his hands. Yuu felt grateful for the foreigner for giving him such a beautiful, elegant weapon. He brought the edge of the blade near the hilt to his wrist and pulled it until he couldn’t drag anymore across. He didn’t scream as his wrist began to bleed profusely. He barely felt the pain.

“ _Putain!_ ” Tiedoll grabbed his right arm and pulled Yuu’s new weapon from him. Dropping it to the floor unceremoniously, he reached over and seized Yuu’s left wrist. He spoke to himself rapidly, and Yuu thought that perhaps it was good that he couldn’t understand the man. He gazed up at the foreigner, but the man was already applying pressure to his wrist.

The man froze. “ _Quoi?_ ” He said blankly. He twisted Yuu’s arm around, and Yuu let it move, already meditating his mind beyond the present reality. “ _Où est la blessure?_ ” He looked at Yuu again.

“How did you do that?” He asked.

“Magic,” Yuu replied in a monotone.

“ _Pardon?_ ” The man asked, and Yuu figured he was asking for some type of repetition.

“Magic,” he said again.

“Did you really cut yourself?” Tiedoll asked in wonder.

“Can’t you see the blood?” Yuu asked rhetorically.

“Ah, yes. Well, you’ll be needing a bath. You’re horribly muddy, and now you’re covered in blood,” the General said.

Yuu came crashing down into the present, and he pushed himself against the headboard. He would not get in the bath with this man. Baths were his own private affair. Even if the man didn’t do anything to him, he still didn’t want anyone to see all his scars. His mother had told him once that it was bad for people to see him, and he agreed. He didn’t want anyone knowing what had happened to him. He screamed out as the teenager’s arms heaved him over his shoulder. He squirmed, trying to hit and kick anything that would make the teenager drop him, but the other kid’s grip remained firm and steady, like a rock.

“Would you kindly do it, Noise?” The General asked, and the teenager nodded.

Yuu screamed and flailed wildly as Noise—Yuu assumed that was his name—grimly peeled off his disgusting clothing and unceremoniously dumped him in the bath.

“Can you clean yourself?” He asked bluntly in a soft voice.

“Yes,” Yuu replied hurriedly.

“Good, because I don’t want to do it. Damn Tiedoll.”

“You hate him?” Yuu asked in wonder.

“He dumped you on me when it’s obvious you’re old enough to be capable of at least washing yourself,” he replied grumpily. Yuu decided this teenager wasn’t the worst person he’d ever met.

“Could you… not stare?” Yuu asked, pulling his legs to his chest, hiding his scars and Lotus Mark.

“You’re not going to do anything stupid if I leave, right?”

Yuu looked away. He couldn’t respond, though.

“I thought so,” Noise said and dropped himself to the floor. “Besides, I can’t see anything anyway, so you don’t have to worry.”

“How can you move around so well?” Yuu asked as he scrubbed away all the muck that had caked on his skin.

“You must have noticed the objects on my ears?”

Yuu nodded, and the teenager continued, as if he had seen the action.

“They magnify my hearing far beyond normal capacity. I see through sound waves, if that makes any sense. They’re part of my Innocence.” He sounded almost proud, just like Yuu had felt when he’d first seen his chokuto.

As Yuu slowly washed himself, Noise explained as best he could about Innocence and the Dark Order. Half an hour later, Yuu finished scraping away the dried blood, and as he lifted himself from the bath to grab a towel, the door burst open.

“I’m sorry! I forgot that I really had to pee!” Tiedoll shouted, rushing in. “I can’t hold it in any longer!” He paused, staring at Yuu.

“ _Merde, mon dieu!”_ He breathed as he took in each of Yuu’s scars. Yuu blushed heavily and lunged for the towel, wrapping it tightly around his chest like—as his father had once said—a woman. “ _Je comprends… merde._ ” He turned to his apprentice. “Noise, take him to the room. I still have to pee.”

Yuu was whisked away and promptly dropped roughly on the bed. He saw Noise covering his face with a hand and sighing in annoyance.

“That idiot,” he muttered. Yuu couldn’t help but agree and found himself nodding. “Do you have anything else to wear?” He added to Yuu. Yuu shook his head.

“I suppose that means I’ll be washing your clothes. Sit tight.” The teenager left the room with an aggrieved expression on his face as Tiedoll left the bathroom, looking relieved.

He sat on the bed. Yuu scrambled back, careful to keep the towel covering him. “You poor child,” the foreigner said. There was something about the pity in the man’s voice that annoyed Yuu.

They sat in silence. Noise returned with Yuu’s washed clothes and an overlarge shirt, which Yuu put on hurriedly as Noise hung up his clothes to dry.

“Would you kindly tell me your name?” Tiedoll asked softly.

“Kanda Yuu,” he said sullenly, picking at the baggy shirt absently.

“Yuu-kun, will you tell me what happened?” The man asked kindly.

“No.”

“Will you explain the magic to me, then?”

“It’s just magic.”

He grabbed the bloody chokuto from the ground and ran the blade down his forearm, slicing it open. He waited as the wound closed itself and healed steadily until even the scar was gone. Tiedoll stared, transfixed.

“How..?” He asked, probably to himself. Yuu stood up and walked to the pitcher of water on the bedside table. He rinsed his arm off before looking back at his abductor.

“Where is my urn?” He demanded. He needed to see the lotus, needed to see that it was undamaged.

“It fell from your grip and broke during the night, I’m sorry,” the man said, looking away.

Yuu’s heart skipped a beat. “What about the flower inside it? Where is that?” He asked urgently, grabbing the man before he realized what he was doing. He came to his senses and backed up until he was against the headboard of the bed again.

The man reached into his pocket and produced the lotus flower. Yuu leaned forward and snatched it carefully from the man’s hand. He inspected it and noted one of the petals was a bit rumpled, though the rest of it seemed undamaged.

“Would you like something to put that in?” Tiedoll asked kindly, and Yuu nodded. If this man was going to offer him things, who was he to refuse it?

-

_“Tiedoll and Noise took me out the next day and bought me clothes. We passed a glassware shop, and I saw a large hourglass inside. Tiedoll bought it for me, and the lotus flower has been in it ever since. We traveled through several towns before we found Mugen’s scabbard, though. We never stayed in one place for very long, so I didn’t have to worry about my father ever finding me. I still didn’t trust them, especially Tiedoll.”_

_“Did they teach you to fight at that time?” Lavi asked._

_“No—they were afraid to let me near Mugen. They knew I’d try to do myself in.”_

_“How many times did you try?”_

_“Any time I found a way, I tried it. By the middle of November, they knew better than to leave me on my own. Tiedoll wouldn’t even let me bathe alone. He was convinced I would have tried to drown myself.”_

_“Would you have?”_

_“Probably.” He snorted. “Not that it would have done any good,” he added sarcastically._

_-_

_January 19, 1879—Port in Egypt_

They had left Japan a bit over a month and a half ago, and Yuu was thoroughly sick of the sea. Tiedoll had said that they were heading toward the Dark Order’s Headquarters, its main branch outside of London. Reluctantly, they had allowed him to carry Mugen around with him, as they had noticed his decreased suicide attempts. Not that he hadn’t tried to throw himself off the side of the ship a few times. One time, he had almost succeeded, but a crew member had caught him as he jumped up on the rail.

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” The man barked rhetorically.

“Yes,” Yuu replied matter-of-factly.

“Where’re your parents?” The seaman groaned, looking irritated.

“Dead,” he said flatly.

Tiedoll ran up. “Oh good,” he panted, putting a relieved hand to his heart. “Someone caught him before he jumped. I’m terribly sorry, sir, but Yuu-kun’s a bit…” He trailed off. He quickly grabbed Yuu and threw him over his large shoulder, walking swiftly away.

“I’m just a bit _what_?” Yuu mumbled angrily.

“I was going to say ‘suicidal,’ but I thought that was self-explanatory,” the man replied, sitting Yuu down next to Noise.

“Don’t let him out of your sight, Noise—or, well, your range of hearing, anyway.” Tiedoll walked off.

Yuu sighed as he stepped onto the beautiful, yellow sand. He was glad to be back on land. Vaguely, he wondered if there was any way for him to die from sand. He wracked his brain but could think of nothing, so he resigned himself to another day of life.

There was a huge explosion, and Yuu turned in its direction. Some of the ship’s new cargo was up in flames, and Tiedoll stood on the rail holding a large, shining cross in his hand. Noise stood on the deck behind him, his arms outstretched. Something glinted in the midday sun, and Yuu noted that the strings of the man’s Innocence were extended. They had encountered many Akuma in their travels, and each time, Yuu had had to hide. They killed people by turning them to ash.

It clicked.

If he was ash, there was no way he could return from that, right?

He went to turn around, to run toward the foreigner and his apprentice, but the only remaining Akuma was right there. He didn’t move to get out of the way. It would shoot him, right?

“YUU-KUN!” Tiedoll shouted, and the Akuma seemed to realize that Yuu was important to the General. It cackled, and its guns primed. Maker of Eden shot out, whiplike, but it was a fraction of a second too late.

Yuu was thrown back several meters as the bullet struck his left side. Agony seared through him, but he could handle it—it was nothing compared to what he had suffered at the hands of his father. It was nothing like the tomato knife or the glass in his legs or the wine bottle or the belt whip or the…

The pain was receding. Tiedoll was at his side, holding him in his large arms, crying over the death of his new pupil.

The pain was gone, and Yuu groaned at its loss. Not even the Akuma could kill him? He screamed in fury at the brightly lit sky.

“ _Why can’t I die!?_ ”

Tiedoll gasped and stared down at him, tears hitting Yuu’s forehead. He squinted back up at the man.

“How are you…?”

“Magic,” Yuu spat out, furious that the Lotus Spell had saved him from completely certain death.

“You will never explain that spell on your lotus to me?” Tiedoll asked resignedly.

Yuu shook his head. Even though he wanted to die, Tiedoll had saved him repeatedly. He felt a small sliver of trust attach itself to the man, and he hated himself for it. Trusting always got him hurt, just as caring had. He had loved his father, trusted him beyond measure, and his father had destroyed all that. He had hurt Yuu so much…

He wanted to die, but one certainty became clear from the Akuma attack. No matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to die. He sighed and resigned himself to the fact that he would have to live a long life.

As they sailed up to Italy, Yuu took out his lotus, gazing at it. To his surprise, a petal was on the bottom of the hourglass. A thin hope swirled its way up his stomach and to his heart. Perhaps, if he wounded himself enough… But his mother wouldn’t like that, and Yuu was tired of pain. He was so tired of it. Perhaps, if he could just seal it all away, it wouldn’t hurt so much…

He sighed again. He could meditate on that later. He lay back on his bed in the small, cramped room and gave up the idea of finding ways to kill himself. It would never happen, no matter how much he wanted to die.

\---

_August 22, 2013, 1:37 AM—The Dark Order, Kanda’s Room_

“Yuu,” Lavi whispered, sounding heartbroken as he pulled him back into his chest. Again.

“Hmm?” He asked, too drained from relating everything to open his mouth.

“You said you wanted to die?” He asked, though it was more a statement.

“Yes,” Yuu replied, his arms sliding once more around Lavi’s waist.

Lavi pulled back just enough to look Yuu in the eyes. Yuu was startled by how green the other man’s solitary eye was. “Do you still want to die?”

“Yes.” He tried to say it flatly, without emotion, but his voice shook with his long-repressed grief. He saw nothing but sad understanding in Lavi’s eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Holy shit. Not only did that take nearly a week to write, it took nearly three hours to edit. Today.
> 
> * _Muroka_ sake=non-carbon filtered sake that has been pressed and separated from the lees. It is clear, and it has a stronger flavor, because it is not filtered. (paraphrased-ish from Wiki)
> 
> * _Ego o hanashimasu ka?_ = do you speak English?, _Gaki_ = brat
> 
> *The French: _Intéressant_ =interesting, _Putain_ = whore, but in this case, it is used to mean “fuck,” _Où est la blessure?_ = where is the wound?, _Merde, mon dieu_ = shit, my God, _Je comprends… merde_ = I understand… shit. :D
> 
> Anyway… now you know! Sorry for the long Kanda-torture. But this is his turning point—from here, everything will eventually be a-ok! :D


	15. Exorcists in America

Chapter 13—Exorcists in America

__August 22, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

Yuu woke up happy. It was the first time he could remember being happy in the morning. Lavi’s legs tangled with his, and the other man had an arm around Yuu’s shoulder. The other was propping his head up, and he gazed past Yuu, his eye moving rapidly from side to side.

“Mornin’, Yuu,” he mumbled, his eye still moving.

“What are you doing, _Baka Usagi?_ ” He asked, pulling himself slightly closer to the other man’s warmth.

“Readin’,” Lavi replied shortly. The redhead shifted, and Yuu saw a book fly across the room. Lavi sat up, smiling down at him. “’Bout time you got up. I’m famished.”

Yuu grunted, pulling the warm covers back around him as he realized how naked he was. He stared at Lavi, who had at some time put on his boxers, as the other man dressed. He felt something strange, and his heart beat faster to it. He couldn’t understand it. It was too much like when his father had forced him to react, but this time he was doing it on his own. He didn’t understand why. He knew he cared for Lavi, more than he’d ever cared for anyone—even his mother. He also knew from the previous night that he didn’t mind kissing the other man, that it made him feel very good. But he couldn’t understand it. Throughout his entire memory, kisses had been horrible things, and he had never wanted them.

But just like everything else, Lavi was different. For some unknown reason, Yuu _wanted_ to kiss Lavi, he _wanted_ to do other physical things, and above all, he wanted to simply _be_ with the other man.

The redhead in question was currently struggling to get his shirt over his head, tottering unevenly as he lost his balance and fell with a heavy crash to the floor. Yuu sat up, his tangled hair falling over his scarred chest.

“Lavi…” he started, but the other man finally got the shirt on and smiled broadly at Yuu.

“No problem! I’m just fine!” Lavi said cheerfully, standing up again. He turned around to put on his boots, and Yuu couldn’t help but stare.

Before leaving the room, Lavi walked over to Yuu and smiled lightly down at him, his green eye soft. He leaned down on the bed, staring Yuu deep in the eyes—or eye, or whatever, it all equated to the same thing.

“Thanks for telling me, Yuu,” he said, his voice as soft as his eye. He leaned over and kissed Yuu lightly on the cheek, his lips lingering for only a second before he pulled away. Yuu felt his heart start pounding against his ribs. Then, ruining the moment, Lavi lightly tapped his cheek twice. “Get dressed. I’ll see you at breakfast,” and he walked out of the room.

Yuu took his time getting ready. He found his movements stiff, as if he hadn’t walked in a long time. He made a mental note to ask Lavi how long he’d been asleep. He had no illusions that he hadn’t been out of it for a while. He had heard too many incoherent conversations for him to think it had only been a day or two. He took a long shower, letting the hot water run over his tired muscles and loosen them up. When he finally left, he saw Lavi there, gawking stupidly at his teeth in the mirror.

“What did you do this time?” He asked incredulously, though it came out more like a growl. Thankfully, Lavi seemed to understand.

“I’m counting my teeth,” Lavi replied.

“Why?” Yuu was thoroughly bewildered.

“I’ve always wanted to know if there were really thirty-two.”

Yuu scoffed. “And are there?” He asked despite himself.

“Yes,” Lavi answered, following Yuu out of the bathroom. “Are you all ready, Yuu?”

Yuu nodded. “Let me put this away first,” he muttered, gesturing to his damp towel. Lavi nodded, and they stopped in Yuu’s room before continuing on to breakfast together.

They walked in silence, and Yuu’s earlier thoughts began to resurface. He took a steadying breath and laid the truths out in front of him. He cared very deeply about Lavi. He cared about the man’s wellbeing, his moods, his preferences, and his thoughts. He cared about what the other man thought about him. If Lavi had shown any signs of rejection or revulsion the previous night, he didn’t know how he would have ended up. He was also attracted to the man. The thought didn’t disgust him—not in the normal way. He didn’t mind the fact that it was _Lavi_ he was attracted to, nor that Lavi was a man. What disgusted him were his reactions. Even though he hadn’t wanted to, he had reacted physically to his father’s abuse, and he felt utterly dirtied for it. The thought of Lavi doing those things to him didn’t bother him—but it should have. But everything about Lavi was different. He needed to know that it was okay to feel these things, that his reactions were alright to have.

As they neared the door to the dining hall, Yuu steeled his nerve and pushed Lavi against the wall with just enough force to get the man’s attention. He stared deeply into Lavi’s shocked eye and forced himself to say something.

“Can I… kiss you?” It wasn’t exactly what he had been going for, but he wanted to do something with Lavi, to make sure it was okay to react to the other man’s embraces.

Lavi’s green eye widened a bit more, and then his face settled into a soft look. “You don’t have to ask,” he said softly. Yuu swallowed nervously and brought his lips to touch Lavi’s. It was the first time he’d initiated any contact between the two of them—or anyone, for that matter.

Sweet sensations danced across his lips, and his heart beat in tandem with them. Tentatively, still testing himself, Yuu ran his tongue across Lavi’s lower lip. The man inhaled lightly, and his mouth opened obediently. Lavi did not push the kiss any further, he simply waited for Yuu to decide what to do. Yuu decided to deepen the kiss.

“Jesus fucking Peter on a bagel, guys!”

Yuu tore his mouth from Lavi’s and stepped back, blinking owlishly at the Infernal Girl. Her hand was outstretched to the wall, a bagel planted firmly against it by the cream cheese. Yuu’s face felt extremely hot.

“I don’t have a problem with you guys doing that, but seriously! I don’t like seeing _anyone_ make out—especially when I’m eating a bagel!”

“What does the bagel have to do with anything?” Lavi asked, blushing and slightly breathless.

“The bagel is my sacred food! It’s pure and holy and all things good, and I don’t want it tainted with lust! Lust is a sin, you know!” She put a hand to her forehead dramatically, and Yuu scoffed. Someone should have told his father that. “Dammit, now I need a new bagel!” She stormed back toward the dining hall, returning minutes later with a new bagel in her hand.

She paused, seeing that Yuu and Lavi were still rooted to the spot. She raised up a hand in a gesture of apology. “Not that I have anything against you two being gay or anything, I just don’t want my bagel ruined.”

Lavi blinked.

“We’re happy?” Yuu asked blankly.

Amanda hit her head with her bagel. “SHIT!” She yelled, pulling the bagel from her forehead and trying to wipe off the cream cheese. Lavi stepped over, reaching out to help.

“I assume ‘gay’ is no longer an adequate term for ‘happy,’” he stated quietly as he rubbed the last of the cream cheese from her hairline. Yuu felt an unbidden twinge in his stomach.

“Nope!” Amanda said, shooting them a bright smile. “It means ‘homosexual!’”

Lavi snorted. “How did that happen?” He asked.

“I dunno, ask Darcy—or actually, Wiki it.”

“Do what?”

“Wiki it. Y’know, go on Wikipedia. It’s where I get all my info. It’s, like, this awesome encyclopedia on the internet that anyone can add to.”

Lavi smiled, and Yuu thought it was bordering on mischievous.

“Anyone can add to it, you say?” He asked, his grin growing still wider. Amanda nodded, and Yuu had to pull the stupid rabbit into the dining hall before he could run to one of the computer labs and go on this _Wikipedia_ , or whatever it was called.

They had a light breakfast, and Yuu even tried some of Lavi’s eggs as they were placed on his tray. They were as disgusting as he had thought. He decided he’d stick with Japanese cuisine whenever possible. Yuu sighed, resigning himself to another horrible breakfast. He tapped on the serving window, but no one was there.

“Well, you know what!? I’ll make it myself!” A voice shouted from the kitchen. An angry woman walked up to the service window and leaned out. Her scrunched-up face relaxed into an expression of surprise when she saw him. “Oh! You’re new, aren’t you? Can’t say I’m not, but I didn’t think there was another Japanese Exorcist here.”

Yuu grunted.

“Want some soba?” She asked, and Yuu found himself nodding. He’d missed the buckwheat noodles. “HEY, ANYONE ELSE WANT SOBA!?” She shouted down the line. A few people responded affirmatively, and a while later, Yuu sat down with a steaming bowl of his favorite dish. He breathed in the scent and smiled contentedly.

Lavi dropped his fork. Yuu looked up at the noise and was revolted to find Lavi’s mouth wide open and full of eggs.

“What’s with your face, _Baka Usagi?_ ” He asked, picking up his chopsticks and pulling them apart.

“Yuu, you… _smiled,_ ” Lavi said unbelievingly, swallowing. “It was almost—well, actually, it was really… _sexy._ ”

“ _Hatsudou_ ,” Yuu growled, grabbing Mugen’s hilt as it formed.

“No, don’t hurt me!” Lavi shouted, throwing his arms up to cover his face.

“ _Che._ ”

“I missed that noise,” Lavi murmured, relaxing and swallowing another enormous wad of eggs.

Yuu dismissed the comment and gratefully began to eat his first Japanese meal in weeks. Despite his previously unrealized hunger, he ate slowly, savoring each bite. It wasn’t as good as his mother’s, and it was definitely not up to par with Jerry’s, but it was soba nonetheless.

The bench scraped next to him, and the other Japanese Exorcist sat down uncomfortably close. Yuu shivered slightly, still unsure of making contact with others. He scooted infinitesimally away, and he was glad when Lavi covered his action by pulling their company into a bright, loud conversation.

“I’m Lavi. I’ve never seen you around; did Allen bring you back?” He asked, spreading jam over his toast. It was his usual strawberry jam.

“Oh, I’m Sasaki Emiko, age 21, a Taurus, blood type AB negative, single, and looking,” she replied, winking at Lavi suggestively. “Oh, and yes, Allen did,” she added after pausing a moment, one eye still closed.

“Er, I’m 136, a Leo, type O, and one hundred percent taken,” he replied, shooting her a broad grin. Yuu choked a little on his soba. Lavi had never said anything about them being… _together._ He shuddered at the thought. He didn’t think he was quite prepared for any relationship, let alone one with Lavi. Still, he had to ignore the prickle in his stomach as Sasaki-san flirted outrageously with Lavi. _His_ Lavi.

Wait. _What?_

It didn’t matter who Lavi flirted with, damn it.

“Oh, who are you with? Do I know her?” The voice was distant, as Yuu was too far gone in thought to hear it clearly.

He jumped as he felt an arm slide lightly around his neck. Clarity returned with Lavi’s close presence, and Yuu’s heart sped up. For once, it had nothing to do with fear.

“You’re looking at the gay couple here!” Lavi said too loudly. Half the dining hall looked over. “That was a double entendre, did you get it?” He laughed.

Yuu smacked him upside the head. “Stop being stupid, _Baka,_ ” he said coldly before turning back to his breakfast, doing his best to ignore the stares. It wasn’t hard. He didn’t care about any of them—most of them would be dead in a week anyway.

As they finished, _Moyashi_ and Lenalee walked in, holding hands. Yuu scoffed at them in his head. Of all the _oblivious_ people in the world, these two were at the top of the list. At least he knew he felt something for Lavi. He’d known for a long time, really, but he had never acknowledged it. But _these two_ didn’t have the _faintest_ idea. It was enough to make anyone want to hit their head on the wall hard enough to cause a concussion.

“Oh, Kanda-kun, you’re finally awake!” Lenalee exclaimed, waving a hand in greeting as they caught sight of each other. She came up to him and leaned forward as if to give him a pat on the arm, but she doubled back, thinking better of it. For the first time, Yuu felt a twinge of annoyance. Had she always been doing that?

Swallowing his pride, he reached out to her instead, patting her lightly on her shoulder as she sat down. “…Thank you… for… worrying,” he said slowly, haltingly, averting his eyes.

He looked up in time to see Lenalee’s eyes widen. She smiled brightly and nodded. “I’m just glad you’re okay,” she said, her voice tight with some unintelligible emotion. Yuu had the uncomfortable notion that it was _joy_. He didn’t understand joy.

“Lavi,” Lenalee called as they began to move away. He looked over at her, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah?”

“You need to go down to Hevlaska’s chamber. The Grand Marshalls want to see you. They’ve made their decision.” She nodded politely to them and turned around to eat her breakfast.

Yuu sent a questioning glance Lavi’s way. “What the fuck?” He asked eloquently.

Lavi fiddled a bit with his hands. “Er, well, we were kinda on trial for, er…” He mumbled something about a stupid Director, and Yuu growled.

“Speak up, retard.”

“Don’t treat me like Allen,” Lavi said, offended. As if to lighten his tone, he looked over at Yuu and smiled. “I, er, almost killed Smith.”

Yuu stared back incredulously, his mouth hanging open in an undignified manner.

“It was an accident… mostly. He _did_ deserve it, though!” Lavi defended himself with a blush of guilt on his face.

“What did he do?”

“He, er, promise me you won’t go running after him, _ne?_ ”

Yuu nodded.

“He called you a Chinese hermaphrodite. It was kinda the last straw, y’know?” Lavi looked over at Yuu, whose lips were twitching up in silent laughter. His eye widened.

“How is that funny?” He asked incredulously.

“How burned did he get?” Yuu asked grimly, losing his fight to keep his lips neutral. A small smile sat amusedly on his face, and Lavi did a double take.

“Not burned enough because a sprout got in the way,” he replied. Smiling brightly, the other man threw his arms around Yuu’s shoulders, forcing him to the ground.

“What was _that_ for, _Baka Usagi?_ ” He growled, trying to push the other man off him, but Lavi had steadfastly attached himself to Yuu’s waist.

“That’s the second time you’ve smiled today, and I just couldn’t help myself!” He exclaimed, grinning a broad but genuine grin.

Yuu scoffed, turning his head away and trying again to push the annoying idiot off him.

“So why am _I_ on trial?”

“Ah, insubordination!” The redhead shouted in his ear. “But I’ve basically cleared you of that so you don’t have to worry.” He added quickly.

“What about you?” Yuu asked, for some reason, genuinely worried.

“Oh, no problem,” Lavi dismissed immediately, patting him on the back lightly, “I’ve managed to convince them that I’m crazy, so it’s really no problem.” Yuu managed to pull far enough away to glare at the idiot in front of him.

“They’re going to lock you up!” He said incredulously.

“Oh, no they won’t!” Lavi said cheerfully, waving a dismissive hand next to Yuu’s ear.

“You are entirely too confident for your own good,” Yuu responded bluntly.

“You just have no trust in my abilities,” Lavi pouted.

“No, I have complete trust in your abilities, which is why I’m…” his voice trailed off, but he made himself finish quietly, “worried.”

“Aww, I knew you cared, Yuu-chan,” Lavi teased.

“I already told you that on the deck, _Baka Usagi_ ,” Yuu said gruffly. “Now come on, let’s go.”

Grudgingly, Lavi let Yuu go and stood up. Dusting off his pant legs, he continued down the hall, not waiting for Yuu to follow. The redhead strolled easily into the large chamber, his arms resting behind his head. He had chattered loudly on their way down, and it reminded Yuu very much of how annoying the other man could be. His hand twitched repeatedly to Mugen, but he knew that that particular threat would never work again—Lavi knew he would never be able to do it. He’d have to think of something less… life-threatening.

“Good morning, gentlemen—or gentleladies, as I can’t see what gender you are,” the middle Grand Marshall said from his illuminated chair. Yuu bristled at the comment, but he let it go. Having light shining in one’s eyes all day wasn’t conducive to seeing one’s audience.

“Good mooooorning!” Lavi shouted out, waving a cheery hand at the ominous group above.

“Ah,” one of the other Grand Marshalls said, “it’s the ex-Bookman.”

The one in the middle cleared his throat. “We have come to a decision,” he said authoritatively.

“Aaaand?” Lavi asked annoyingly.

“We have had Smith replaced, and we will ignore the insubordination should the two of you continue going on missions—”

“See, it’s not so bad, Yuu!” Lavi grinned over at him.

The Grand Marshall cleared his throat again. “As I was saying, as long as the two of you continue with your missions, the insubordination will be ignored. As for your murder attempt, Exorcist Lavi, we found you incapable of making rational decisions and would like you to be assessed by a psych professional in our hospital wing before you’re sent out again.”

Lavi’s grin slipped a little, but a fake one replaced it. “Gotcha, Marshie! So, when should I go in?”

“As soon as possible.”

Lavi nodded. “Anything else?”

“No.”

“Then c’mon, Yuu-chan, let’s go!” Lavi threw his arms up and one landed around his shoulders. Yuu allowed the contact as he was dragged from the chamber. When they reached Yuu’s room, his heart rate had finally found a regular, if twittering, beat.

Lavi sat on Yuu’s bed, and Yuu found himself pulling his desk chair to sit across from the rabbit. His heart immediately returned to normal when he saw Lavi’s face. There was nothing outwardly wrong with it Lavi was smiling, as usual, but his eye showed a completely different emotion, one that not even his amazing acting skills could hide.

“Lavi, what’s wrong?” Yuu asked, staring the other man directly in the eye. Lavi jumped as if he hadn’t expected anyone to see past his façade.

“Eh?”

“You’re expression’s all wrong. What are you upset about?” Yuu asked, leaning forward, pinning Lavi in place with his eyes.

“I – I’m upset?” Lavi asked, sounding genuinely shocked, but Yuu knew better. Grabbing the man’s wrists, trying to be careful of the injuries, he pinned Lavi to his mattress. “Oh, Yuu, I didn’t think you would be so forward,” Lavi said in a fluttery voice.

“Shut up,” Yuu growled, tightening his grip on Lavi’s wrists. He paused. Something felt strange. He looked at one and saw lines not of stitches but of Innocence. He reminded himself to ask Lavi about this development later—and now he remembered the man using his hands just as he had before he’d ruined them—and he turned his attention back to Lavi’s face, which had lost its grin and was desperately trying to regain it. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”

The man’s face still seemed determined to save its cheery mask, the one that “Lavi” always wore.

“Stop trying to be ‘Lavi’ and be yourself for once,” Yuu hissed, resisting the urge to hit the other man.

Lavi looked as if he’d been slapped anyway. “I… what?” His mask was gone again, just as it had been since the night before, when Yuu had awoken for the first time in who knew how long. A look of confusion now spread across Lavi’s face, as if he hadn’t realized what he had been doing.

“You were being ‘Lavi,’” Yuu said in a clipped tone. Lavi shrunk back, though Yuu didn’t know why.

“Sorry,” he muttered after a long time, and he stopped trying to sink into the mattress. “I just… really don’t want to be assessed. I know I’m messed up, I don’t need others telling me that.”

Yuu pulled on the other man’s wrists, and the redhead came flying up into his arms. Holding Lavi tightly, Yuu said, “Then don’t let them assess you.”

Lavi looked confused. Yuu sighed and clarified. “Show up like you’re supposed to, listen to their questions, but don’t give them any real answers.” Lavi looked absolutely shocked, as if the thought of lying had never come to the world’s biggest liar. “How do you think I got through it?” Yuu added.

“You were…?”

“When I got back with Tiedoll. They were worried I’d try to commit suicide. They were stupid, though; I’d long since stopped trying—it wasn’t worth it. The idiot doctor kept going on about how suicide was a sin and a betrayal to the Order. He was an idiot.”

“You said ‘idiot’ twice to describe the doctor,” Lavi commented, and when Yuu looked into his eye, he thought the other man looked much more peaceful.

“ _Che,_ ” he said, unable to think of any other response.

“I really did miss that,” Lavi said quietly, squeezing Yuu just a little bit. Yuu growled but let Lavi do what he wanted.

There was a knock on the door, and the _Moyashi’s_ voice came from outside, “Kanda, Lavi, we’ve got a meeting in the Director’s office.”

Lavi hissed in anger, but he reluctantly let Yuu go, and they walked together with _Moyashi_ and Lenalee to the familiar office.

\---

_August 22, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Allen strode down the hallway, hand-in-hand with Lenalee. They had spent the night talking on his bed, and it had taken a toll on Allen. He could now feel the Musician’s presence, but the Noah was so heavily chained in the back of his mind that it hardly seemed to matter. Still, as he had tried very hard not to think things he wasn’t supposed to, he had heard the Musician sing out praises of his beloved girl. It seemed the Musician liked her, too, and for some reason, Allen was strangely happy about that. It was like his entire mind was focused on Lenalee, and having the Noah in his mind had stopped being an everyday struggle. He had been absolutely elated the night before, especially since Lenalee was there and the Musician wasn’t. Mostly.

“Kanda-kun seems to be getting better,” Lenalee said as they passed a young man with blond hair dressed in street clothes.

“I’m glad—I’ll even let him call me _Moyashi_ for a day,” Allen replied, squeezing her hand. Her smile grew a little bit brighter.

_Laaaaa_ , sang the Musician. Allen drowned him out with thoughts of Lenalee. Even though the Noah was returning, it wasn’t enough for him to be truly bothered with.

“Allen Walker!”

Allen and Lenalee both turned back to see the blond man hailing them, an arm outstretched as it waved.

“Yes?” Allen said, his tone coming out more questioning than he’d meant for it to be.

“I’m in a bit of a hurry, but I wanted to tell you that due to your support of Lavi, Director Smith has been dispensed with… finally. We’d been trying to get rid of him for _ages_ , but the idiot two seats to my left is an old jackass, and we needed a unanimous vote.”

Allen stared, confused. “Er, who are you?”

“I can’t give you my name—sorry, Allen—but know that I’m the one in the middle.”

“The… middle?”

Understanding seemed to hit Lenalee first, and Allen figured it out a second too late to stop Lenalee from harshly slapping the Grand Marshall in front of them.

“Why did you do that to Lavi, you bastard?” She hissed, and Allen had to force back a surge of affection for the girl in front of him. He grabbed her in a hug from behind, pinning her arms to her sides before she could do anymore damage. She struggled a bit.

“Stop it, Lenalee,” he murmured in her ear.

The Grand Marshall looked stunned, his mouth hanging open and a hand resting lightly on his reddening cheek. “I suppose I deserved that,” he said after a moment. “But for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. We had to follow protocol. Honestly, I didn’t want to punish him at all, but he pled insanity a bit _too_ convincingly, and we couldn’t just let him go without any… repercussions… because otherwise the Pope would be complaining up our asses.” He rolled his eyes, looking aggrieved.

“Eh?” Allen asked, blinking. Lenalee had gone limp in his arms, giving up her fight to get free.

There was a beeping noise, and the man took a gadget out from his back pocket. Allen had learned that this was a cell phone.

“Sorry, Generals,” he said to them. “Yes? Er, yes, that’s me… WHAT! Already? Oh, shit! I’ll be there right away. Thanks, Gerald.” He snapped it closed and turned his gaze once again to them.

“What’s wrong?” Allen asked. The man had a dumbfounded expression on his face.

“My wife is giving birth right now. I’ve gotta go.” The man turned on his heel and started to run off.

“Wait!” Lenalee shouted after him, and he paused, turning.

“Yeah?”

“You can see your families?” She asked, her question almost desperate. Allen could hear tears forming in her voice, and he wanted to take away the pain that was making itself evident in her actions.

“Of course. Couldn’t you?” The Grand Marshall asked.

“No,” Lenalee said, sounding defeated. The Grand Marshall nodded in their direction and made to take off again. He stopped after a moment. “Oh, and the new Director wants to see all the Exorcists!” This time, he didn’t stop as he sprinted off, glancing at his watch every few seconds as if that would make time slow down.

Allen held Lenalee until she stood on her own power again. She turned to him and wrapped her arms tightly around his middle. “It’s so unfair,” she whispered, and Allen ran his hand over the back of her head, petting her hair lightly.

“I know,” he murmured back, pulling her closer. “But life is never fair. Exorcists know it better than anyone else.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Allen,” Lenalee said against his chest.

“Me too.”

\---

“Shall we see if they’re okay, then?” Allen said after an interminable length of time. Lenalee nodded, and they made their way to Kanda’s room.

He knocked hard. “Kanda, Lavi, we’ve got a meeting in the Director’s office,” he said. The door opened a minute later, and the four of them walked together to see the new Director. Out of respect, Allen knocked on the door, as he didn’t know what kind of person this new Director would be.

“Enter,” came a firm, solid voice, and Allen opened the door.

“Ah, you must be Allen Walker, Lenalee Lee, Kanda Yuu, and Lavi—er, do you have a last name?”

“No.” Lavi’s voice was stiff, resolute.

“I had to ask, because the other Director was grossly incompetent in his records.”

“Would you like some help?” Lavi offered.

“Uh, I think if you just filled these out, I’d be fine with that,” the Director said, handing them each a large packet of papers. Allen gaped at it. The pages included everything from name to complete medical history to familial status. Grudgingly, he took an offered pen and began to fill it out. Next to him, Lavi scribbled furiously on his own, finishing the entire thing by the time Allen had finished the first page.

“ _Ne,_ Yuu, lemme finish yours,” Lavi said, and Allen heard the small rustle of their struggle over the packet. A minute later, Lavi placed the two completed packets on the desk and walked back.

“You disgust me, rabbit,” Kanda said as Lavi sat back down.

“Shut up, you know you love me,” Lavi quipped.

“ _Che_.”

Allen grinned. The interaction was so inexplicably _normal_ that it almost felt like Komui would be walking in at any moment. Despite the fact that he was in love with the crazy man's sister, he still had enormous respect for the man, and he missed him nearly as much as Lenalee did.

He didn’t even realize when Lavi pulled his packet from beneath his fingers, and he sat back, relieved, as the redhead finished both his and Lenalee’s, setting them on the desk when he was done.

“I told you I could help you,” Lavi said lightly.

“How did you do that so fast? And why is the handwriting amazing?” The new Director asked, his mouth open in shock.

“I used to be a Bookman,” Lavi said, as if that explained it all. But then, Allen supposed, it did.

“Well, anyway, now that we’ve got that over with, let’s continue the meeting.”

“Wait,” Lenalee said, suddenly. “Where’s Miranda? And everyone else?”

“I’ve already met with them. We talked earlier this morning. You four were still asleep, though, so I waited. The only Exorcists I haven’t seen yet are Amanda Colten and Darcy O’Connell.”

Allen laughed. “You won’t see them until at least mid-afternoon,” he chuckled. Sobering, he asked, “I don’t think we’ve heard your name…?”

“Ah,” the man blushed slightly in embarrassment. “I’m Lieutenant General Carter A. Williams of the United States Army,” he said, giving them a small, two-fingered salute.

“The army?” Lenalee asked in wonder.

“Ah, I realize you’re not aware of the current situation,” the Lieutenant General began. Allen shot him a mystified look. “This has to do with the new assignment I’m about to give to the four of you—oh, actually, the three of you. And perhaps I’ll let Amanda go as well—she deserves to see her family again. It’s been years since she was last on leave.”

Lenalee tensed, and Allen moved closer to her, placing a bracing hand on her shoulder.

“With the current rise in Akuma sightings and incidents these past few years, the governments of the world have decided to step in and provide aid to the Order. I am the first person to be sent from the United States, as until recently, our forces were split between Afghanistan and Iraq.”

“Wait,” Lavi said quickly. “Amanda told me America was out of Iraq in 2009.”

“Last year, the Akuma began to rise there, and as the countries were already unstable, President Obama reluctantly had a small force return, but it soon escalated out of control, and I rue the day Bush was in office.” The Lieutenant General grimaced and Lavi snickered, but Allen had no idea what the man was referring to. “Your mission is to meet with the President and his Cabinet as well as the CIA and the military in order to help decide where to concentrate the forces in the upcoming battles. Though we have no Innocence, there are weapons we have developed that can rip through Level One Akuma. Most importantly, you’ll be meeting with the United Nations.”

“Who are you sending?” Allen asked, going into what he thought of as his General Mode.

“You, of course, General Walker, and I’d like Kanda Yuu to go with you—if you are feeling up to it?”

Kanda nodded sharply, though Allen saw Lavi look slightly disappointed.

“I’d also like the presence of another General, and since there will be a large crowd upon your arrival, I’d like to send Tuan Chu. Miranda, Amanda, and Artemis all have skills that would be useful in this situation, and General Lee, your Dark Boots could prove invaluable. I would have liked to send Lavi as well, just as a backup, but he has a psych referral to deal with.”

Lavi looked angry, and Allen sent him an apologetic look. Lavi nodded in thanks back to him, and Allen turned back to the Lieutenant General.

“Alright. That sounds like a good group. I’d like to see them all before we leave. Er, when _do_ we leave?”

The Lieutenant General laughed. “You’ll be on a plane as soon as you’re all packed and ready. Take street clothes for the plane ride—it’s a good six or seven hours, and then you’ve got a connection to catch. We don’t want Akuma attacking you in the air. It would be too big a blow. In a way, I think air travel is the worst way for you to go, but we don’t have enough _time_ for anything else.” The new Director hit his desk to emphasize “time,” and he looked frustrated at their situation.

“I don’t suppose we could go two to a plane?” Allen wondered, but the Lieutenant General shook his head forlornly.

“Believe it or not, the Vatican’s decided to cut back on funding, and due to several lawsuits, we now have to pay travel expenses.” The man grimaced. “Stupid Bureaucrats,” he muttered angrily. “Well, you might as well get ready.”

Allen nodded and led the way out, Lenalee at his side.

\---

_August 23, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Lavi stared forlornly at his sun as he walked over to stand with Allen and the rest. Yuu turned around and, catching sight of Lavi, shot him a soulful look in return. Lavi didn’t know how to interpret it. Unable to stand just watching, he ran over.

“What?” Yuu asked angrily.

“Just came to say good-bye,” he said sadly. If he had had rabbit ears, they would have been drooping.

“Didn’t you just do that?” Yuu asked shortly, but he didn’t look particularly upset that Lavi had reappeared in front of him.

“Yeah, but… I’m gonna miss you, y’know?” He said, blushing at his awkward admission. Something relaxed in Yuu’s rigid face. It was just slight enough that only Lavi noticed.

“Remember what I said about the therapy,” his sun said, not making eye contact. Lavi was suddenly struck with how adorable Yuu’s social awkwardness was. He quickly closed the distance between them, grabbing the other man’s face and pulling him into a full-on, open-mouthed kiss. In front of everyone.

Yuu balked, but then he relaxed, and his arms wrapped around Lavi’s. He went rigid again when he heard Allen’s shocked exclamation, and he pulled back slowly. “I will, too,” he whispered as he stepped back. Lavi nodded, knowing what the man meant.

“Be careful—don’t kill anyone!” He shouted, waving as the group departed. Amanda was patting Yuu on the back and Lenalee had a scandalized look on her face. Lavi smiled proudly. He had done well.

Whistling a mournful tune, he returned to his room, which suddenly felt very empty. He pouted a little and grabbed some books from his extensive piles, heading over to Yuu’s room. It smelled clean and crisp with just the subtlest hints of lotuses and cinnamon, just like the man himself. He sat gingerly on the bed and waited until his first appointment at two o’clock. He was not looking forward to it.

To pass the time, he read several books, but he found that he wasn’t enjoying them as much as he would have if his sun had been there. He sighed. Lavi didn’t think he would be able to survive the next week and a half. But he’d have to. He wasn’t a girl, first of all, and second of all, he had Yuu’s return to look forward to, and that was enough to keep him going, right?

\---

_August 24, 2013—The White House_

The Infernal Girl was practically glowing. Every time she looked at Yuu, she got this knowing smile on her face, and she kept touching him, patting him on the back. He flinched from every touch, but she didn’t seem to care much. He itched to cut off her hands, but that would be potentially dangerous in front of so many important people.

Today they were visiting the President of the damned United States of America. The nation that had bombed his country, or so he’d heard from Amanda. He didn’t particularly care that his people had probably deserved it—it was the principle of the thing.

“Hey, Yuu-pyon!” The idiot girl said, “you look tired!”

“And why do you think that is?” He hissed menacingly.

“Awww, did Yuu-pyon have a nightmare?” The Infernal Girl teased. A vein in Yuu’s forehead twitched.

“And if I did?” He bit out, voice colder than frozen mercury. To his immense displeasure, the girl threw her arms around him in a Lavi-ish fashion. Only it didn’t feel good, and Yuu shuddered at the contact.

“C’mon, Yuu-pyon, you can tell me!” She shouted, squeezing him. Yuu went very, very rigid.

“Don’t you have your boy-toy to annoy?” He ground out through gritted teeth.

Amanda froze. “He’s in Ireland right now. He called me last night, saying that he was visiting his sister. Apparently, she was raped and is pregnant with her rapist’s child.”

Yuu threw the Infernal Girl away from him. “That girl knows nothing of abuse,” he hissed, stalking off.

The formerly roaring table of Exorcists was silent. But before he could leave the room, the music starting playing. Abruptly, everyone—including Yuu—gazed at _Moyashi_ , who had gone quite tense. Lenalee was trying to pat him on the arm, but he kept sliding away from her touch.

Several dark-suited men walked in the room, followed by a great many politicians and a black man who looked completely at home in the dining room of the White House. Allen stood upon their entrance, and the other Exorcists followed suit.

“It is a great honor to meet you all,” the black man said. Yuu stared openly. This man was obviously in a position of power, but Yuu didn’t know the Americans were capable of politeness.

“Likewise,” _Moyashi_ said, though he walked very stiffly up to shake hands with the man who Yuu assumed was the stupid nation’s President. One of the suited men walked in front of Allen.

“It’s just a precaution, but we need your weapon,” he said in a deep voice.

“Well, okay, if you insist,” _Moyashi_ said, grimacing nervously. Yuu saw the green glow of Innocence activating as the white-haired bean sprout pulled his arm off, forming his overlarge sword. There was a collective gasp of astonishment, and the suited men twitched uncomfortably.

“So this is Innocence,” the President said in wonder. “May I touch it?” He asked _Moyashi_.

“Er, be my guest, sir,” Allen said, offering up his sword. The President took it in his hands and stooped at the weight.

“It’s heavy,” he muttered, surprised.

“Innocence is a heavy burden to bear, Mr. President,” General Chu said from behind Yuu.

The President nodded and handed Allen his sword back. “Thank you, Mr.…?”

“I’m General Allen Walker,” Allen said, returning his sword to his left arm and shaking the President’s hand with his right. Yuu saw the President’s eyes go wide for a moment, but he otherwise hid his shock rather well. The President circled around the room, shaking first Miranda’s hand, then Artemis’s and General Chu’s. When he got to Amanda, the idiot girl pulled on his hand and grabbed him in a bear hug, lifting him from the ground.

“It’s so cool to meet you, Mr. President!” She exclaimed, an idiotic grin spreading too wide on her face. The President made a small choking noise. Amanda blushed. “Sorry, Mr. President,” she added sheepishly, putting the powerful man down and patting at his shoulders.

“That’s quite alright,” he said diplomatically, chuckling lightly under his breath.

“If I was old enough, I woulda voted for ya!” She shot him the thumb’s up.

“Thank you.” He moved toward Yuu, extending his hand.

Yuu couldn’t quite control the shaking as he gripped the other man’s hand—he would have preferred bowing, but they were not in Japan—and he pulled his own hand back to his body the second it was polite to do so, holding it as if it had been burned. He tried to return his breathing to normal, and he hoped no one had noticed. He was very glad this was a private affair. No fucking media to deal with, like there had been when they’d arrived. The President looked a bit concerned, but he moved on to Lenalee, whom he met with a smile.

“What was that, Kanda?” _Moyashi_ whispered deviously in his ear. “You’re not thinking of cheating on Lavi, are you?” He cackled softly. Yuu punched him, sending the stupid sprout—who, goddamn it, was taller than him now—sprawling to the ground. The entire room turned to look, but Allen recovered quickly enough that he was in his chair before the President began to speak.

“Well, this is indeed odd company we keep here,” he commented, smiling.

They all sat down to lunch, and though the politician side of the table remained very quiet and subdued, the Exorcist side was almost roaring with laughter and cheer. Yuu couldn’t bring himself to join in, but he didn’t mind the noise for once. He sat stiffly in his chair, eating awkwardly with the stupid western tableware—he wished he had paid more attention to Tiedoll’s lessons. The food wasn’t horrible, but he felt it was too heavy, too laden with grease, fat, and oils. He glanced at the rest, and though Lenalee and Artemis seemed to be having the same troubles, the other Exorcists seemed fine. Not that he cared.

A female politician spoke up as Allen tossed food at the Infernal Girl. “It’s amazing how cheerful you all are. I would’ve thought, what with all the fighting…” She trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid. The room was now silent, and Yuu wanted to at least make her lose an appendage. An arm wouldn’t be bad, they were expendable.

“It’s how we stay sane,” Amanda said in a haunted tone, staring down at her food. Yuu suddenly felt a tiny inkling of respect for the girl. She seemed to have a serious side as well. Perhaps she was just like “Lavi,” hiding her serious side to make others happy.

“That’s why we need to end this war,” the President said after a moment. “I was shocked by how young you all are, and you’ve all been fighting for years.”

There was much nervous clearing of throats as politicians and Exorcists alike tried to restore the previous cheerful mood of the table. Yuu felt like he was suffocating. Everything was too much, and Lavi wasn’t there to crack a joke, take his mind off of things he didn’t want to think about…

Like his father. Yuu shuddered, barely keeping the memories at bay. He would see Lavi in less than two weeks. He could last until then.

The President looked on in amazement as Allen stuffed plate after plate of food into his obscenely large gorge. Yuu stayed above the conversation as always, grunting only when people spoke to him. As they finished up, they began exchanging the pleasantries for the situation, and the President stood up, shaking hands all around. As the group disbanded, Yuu walked over to the young black man.

“Excuse me,” he muttered quietly, coming up next to him. The President turned to face him.

“Yes?” He asked, seeming surprised.

“I… apologize… for my shaking earlier. It is hard for me to be trusting of anyone,” Yuu said haltingly, extending his hand once more. This time, thankfully, it wasn’t shaking. The President shook it with an open face and a smile.

“I understand completely,” the President said. He nodded gravely and walked off. Yuu felt slightly better, as if a nagging bug by his ear had finally died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the short/crappy chappy. The next one includes more plot movements. Plus, action! It was going to include lurves, too, but it got too long. We got wrapped up in battle scenes. Again.
> 
>  


	16. Many Meetings

Chapter 14—Many Meetings

__August 24, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

He didn’t really understand how or why, but for some reason, the leather couch was surprisingly comfortable. It was a stereotypical deep burgundy, but it smelled as if nearly everyone’s ass had touched it. Lavi grimaced. In such an organization, it wasn’t surprising that many people took to the psychiatrist. Not that he wanted to be here, but he was under strict orders that even he couldn’t bypass. If he was still a Bookman, he might have been able to get out of it, but the fact was that he no longer had that status. He was an ordinary—well, slightly extraordinary, as he was an Exorcist—human being now.

The psychiatrist walked into the room, carrying a chart and frowning down at it. He wore the quintessential round glasses of a mental health professional, a tweed sport coat, and khaki pants. His receding hairline, large ears, and moustache-beard combo made Lavi yelp and shrink back into the couch.

“You’re Freud!” He shouted, pointing at the psychiatrist. He wasn’t sure if he was acting or not, but fear pooled in his stomach, regardless.

“No, I’m Larry,” the psychiatrist said flatly, obviously unamused.

“Oh, sorry Larry—are you _sure_ that’s your name?” Lavi asked, scratching his head.

“I could ask you the same question,” the doctor responded.

“I chose Lavi because my sun calls me Lavi. If you are referring to my real name, I’ve long since forgotten it.” He felt his face shut down into the practiced mask of a Bookman. Larry looked shocked at the sudden change in his patient, and he scribbled something on the chart.

“So, you seem to have some pretty unique Innocence,” he commented, gesturing at a folder on his desk. Lavi looked over at it, somewhat interested, and then gazed back at the man.

“Yes, I rather enjoy Oodzuchi’s company,” he remarked offhandedly.

“Er, it says here that your Innocence is named Tettsui.”

“But—but, I don’t _like_ that name, and it lets me call it Oodzuchi Kodzuchi instead.”

The Freud-esque man lifted a bushy, gray eyebrow pensively. “I was looking at your x-rays just now, and I noticed something unusual that I thought you’d like to know. It appears that all the metal in your hands has… eh, disappeared. It’s all bone now.”

“Yeah, and it feels a load better. The metal was too clunky, and it limited my movement. I assume Oodzuchi changed it back for me. I’ll have to thank him later,” Lavi said, still doing his best to sound nonchalant.

“Well, I suppose we should get down to business, then,” the psychiatrist said, sitting down in a high-backed chair. He adjusted his glasses and lifted what Lavi assumed to be his chart closer to his eyes for further inspection. “I have a feeling you’re not going to be very cooperative with me.”

“Well, that depends, doc, do you want the textbook answers or the real ones?” Lavi questioned, gazing disinterestedly at his right fingernails. He enjoyed how the green streaks looked against his skin, and he realized something horrifying. Over the past few weeks, he had not been paying as much attention to his surroundings, and he immediately sought to fix that. Bookman or not, he still had the training, and he didn’t think he’d be able to live without it, even if he was more relaxed without his Bookmanly duties.

“I would prefer the real ones, if you don’t mind,” Larry said.

“Well, see, there’s the problem, doc. I don’t wanna,” Lavi replied, giving the room a practiced sweep. He took everything in—the lamp and its coffee-stained shade that was tilted just a centimeter to the left, the desk that had a full deck of cards underneath it in an attempt to keep it balanced (though Lavi noticed that it now sloped just slightly), the horrific green carpet that had mysterious brown stains near Larry’s chair, the three large shelves filled with thick psychological tomes that Lavi wanted to read immediately, and a plethora of other things down to the minute details that everyone ignored. A second later, he stared at the psychiatrist and grimaced in distaste.

“You’ve got a strangely-shaped mole on your left arm—you may want to get that checked out,” he said. “It looks oddly like the beginnings of skin cancer.”

The doctor looked taken aback. After a moment of abashed silence, the doctor took in a breath. “I’d like to try something with you,” he said, taking a pocket watch from inside his ugly tweed sport jacket. Lavi saw it glint off the industrial lights above.

“Aw, not this trick, Larry!” He complained.

“Just give it a try,” Larry said bracingly, and to Lavi, it sounded like he was convincing himself that yes, he did have to work with an impudent brat like his current patient.

“Well, I did always want to try everything at least once,” Lavi said, shrugging. He doubted that he would even allow himself to be hypnotized, but on the off-chance that it did happen, he wanted to know what it would feel like.

He lay back on the putrid-smelling couch and immediately regretted it. Still, he closed his eyes and tried to relax. “Do your best, doc,” he said, grimacing, more against the smell than the actual situation.

“Okay, then. Lavi, take a deep breath—” Lavi breathed in slowly, waiting for the next instruction. “—and as you let it out, begin to feel yourself relaxing…” Lavi complied. Larry’s voice had gone soft, almost gentle, and Lavi found it very useful as the man had him relax each body part slowly. After maybe ten minutes and three seconds, Lavi felt relaxed, and for some reason, the Freud-esque man’s voice had become very soothing.

“Now, Lavi, tell me your age.”

He felt very relaxed and focused. If this was hypnotism, he figured he ought to do it more often. He didn’t even need to scan his mind to come up with the answer. The many people who were not real never had the same birthday, but he always remembered that the tenth of August was his true date of birth. He thought it somewhat ironic that his last alias had used it as well.

“I am one hundred and thirty-six years of age,” he replied, his voice blank and concise, as if he was reporting to Bookman.

“On what day were you born?”

“I was born on August tenth of the year eighteen sixty-eight.”

“When did you become a Bookman?”

“This is the only date I don’t know exactly, as my Forgetting took place over the course of a week. According to Bookman, I was in a trance for nearly a month afterward. I do not know the official day I became a Bookman, because I have forgotten it.”

“Could you try to remember for me?”

“Things in the past should be left there, especially things that want to be forgotten. You see, when an apprentice is taken on, he has the option of forgetting his past. I took that option, so, obviously, it was a past worth forgetting. I have no desire to remember it.”

“I believe it would be good for you to—”

“No.”

And the relaxation was gone. Lavi threw his eyes open and sat up, walking briskly from the room and slamming the heavy wooden door behind him.

\---

Yuu’s bed was warm and comfortable with its cinnamony blue sheets. Lavi lay comfortably in it, relaxing each body part in turn. He had been impressed with the concentration force that had come with hypnosis, and he wanted it to return. Maybe he could use it as a way to absorb more information. He wistfully fantasized of telling Bookman about the possibilities of this procedure as he relaxed himself further. After a good while—approximately twenty-three minutes and forty-one seconds—Lavi finally felt himself drift into a similar state to the one he’d been in that afternoon. He let his mind wander as much as possible and found himself pondering his past. The one thing he wanted to remember, even if that was all he remembered, was his name. He desperately wanted to know his name—it was the only thing Bookman had ever withheld from him, telling him it could possibly trigger the other memories. Lavi didn’t care, though. He wanted, _needed_ , to know his name.

The answer swam lazily through his head, somewhere in the middle of the square the four corners of his mind made.

Liam. His name had been Liam.

He didn’t need to know more, but for some reason, his hypnotized mind delved deeper. Liam Flynn, son of Riley Flynn and his wife, Lisette Bonnet. They were not abusive parents, but they were poor and desperate. They rarely had time for their son, and they rarely wanted to. Unbidden, Lavi was sucked into a memory that Bookman’s needles had driven from his mind.

_The stranger walked up to the house, and though he looked old and was very, very short, Liam cowered behind his mother’s threadbare skirts. The stranger swayed, his tall hair wobbling precariously at the top of his head, and he fell just as he reached the edge of the small Flynn property. His mother grabbed up her skirts and ran over to the man, her long, graying blonde hair flowing behind her. The man groaned as she poked him, checking for signs of life._

_Liam followed more slowly, observing the stranger just as he did everything else. The world was so interesting, with an infinite amount of information just waiting to be discovered, and Liam felt that he could discover it if he only looked long enough. The stranger made a low sound and tried to stand up. Liam’s mother pulled the man up and supported him as she took him into their house. Liam followed again. For some reason, this stranger was more interesting than any other. He carried a scroll of some sort, and Liam thought he saw needles poking out of one section. The man looked distinctly Asian and rather wizened. He carried himself with a straight dignity, though, one that was unbefitting of the peasant’s outfit he wore._

_The man smiled and thanked his mother with a strange accent as she placed a bowl of steaming potato soup in front of him. He ate slowly and with class. Judging the man as nonthreatening, he went into the corner with the small pile of books that he called his own. Something glinted in the light that filtered through the window, and he saw the unmistakable edge of a small knife. His mother walked past him, patting him on the head, and he tugged subtly on her skirts. She leaned down, and he muttered, “he’s got a knife, be careful,” before holing up in his corner with his father’s copy of_ Plato’s Republic. _It was a tough read, but Liam found himself understanding most of it._

_After a while, the man made a movement, and Liam looked up over the top of his book to see him taking a goose feather from his mother. The stranger pulled the knife from his pocket and proceeded to cut it into a finely-shaped quill. Liam found himself entranced at each of the man’s skillful cuts, and when the quill was finished, it looked almost perfect, like one from a high-ranking craftsman. The man caught his eye, and Liam looked back down at the book, continuing on with the page he was reading. Within seconds, he was turning the page again._

_It was the footsteps that first indicated to him that the man was walking toward him. Liam frowned slightly. He hadn’t heard the chair scrape across the wooden floor. Still, he knew the man was in front of him, and when he looked up, he was rewarded with a smile from their wrinkled old visitor. This close, Liam thought he looked rather like a panda, as both his eyes were painted black with something Liam had never seen before. The smell of something peppery wafted toward him, and Liam wrinkled his nose against its sheer strength. It wasn’t unpleasant, merely strong._

_“Is there anything you’d like?” He asked the stranger politely. The man cracked a light grin._

_“That’s quite a big book you’re reading,” the man commented._

_“Size has nothing to do with contents,” Liam replied almost coldly._

_“May I see it?” The man asked, and Liam shrugged, handing it to the stranger. The old man made a strange noise, something similar to a cluck, as he looked at the book._

_“It’s nothing particularly special,” Liam said, shrugging again. “If you can’t read it, I can recite it for you.” He knew most people weren’t literate, and as this man was most definitely Asian, he probably couldn’t read English well, even if he could speak it._

_“Can you now?” The man asked archly. Liam nodded and repeated, word-for-word, the last two pages he’d read. With each sentence, the man’s face grew more and more interested. When Liam finished, the man cleared his throat. “And did you actually understand a word of that?” He questioned. Liam repressed the urge to scoff. If he could repeat it, of course he could understand it. Sighing softly, he explained to the man exactly what Plato had meant._

_The man’s eyebrows went so high up that his strange black eye coloring cracked. He made a_ hmmm _-ing noise and turned to Liam’s mother._

_“Your boy is very smart, ma’am,” he remarked. Liam’s mother blushed._

_“Yes,_ monsieur _, my little Liam sees and remembers everything. His father and I are so proud of him. We hope that one day, we can get him some proper schooling.”_

_“I am Bookman, my dear lady, and I believe your son may be what I’m looking for,” he said. His mother looked at him with a questioning expression._

_“That is a strange name,” she commented._

_“It is a title. Bookmen must give up their names in order to be completely objective. We record the secret histories of this Earth. It takes a very intelligent, observant person to become a Bookman, and I believe your son has the potential to become one.”_

_“Well, I’m afraid his father wants him to continue working on our farm,” his mother said, looking abashed._

_They talked for a while, and Bookman tried to get Liam’s mother to consider the idea, though she would not budge. At one thirty, his father walked into the room, just as he always did._

_“Lisette,” he said gently, despite his heavy walk. Liam’s mother immediately got up and dished him out a bowl of soup._

_“Here you are, darling,” she said, placing the bowl in front of him and handing him a large spoon. She sat down next to her husband and gestured for Liam to join them as well. Liam poured himself and his mother a bowl each and sat quietly at the table. Bookman sat next to him, and Liam felt the man’s eyes on him the entire time, watching him eat, watching him watch his parents speculatively. It was an eerie sensation, but Liam couldn’t make himself hate it. It was interesting having someone pay such close attention to him. It was more attention than his parents could ever afford him, and even though it was some creepy old man, he enjoyed it nonetheless. As his parents chatted away about crops and such, Liam turned to the stranger._

_“What do Bookmen really do?” He asked in a hushed tone, as if talking with the man at all was a sin._

_“Just as I told you. We discover and record things that others don’t. Our sole purpose is to write the histories no one else will write. We report facts. We are unbiased,” Bookman replied, also speaking softly._

_Intrigued, Liam commented, “I love history. It’s more interesting than Plato. It would be really neat to be there, watching it unfold.”_

_The man hummed lightly and smiled down at him. “I think you have the mind to be a Bookman, and you definitely seem to have the drive and curiosity. You notice things others don’t, am I right?”_

_Liam nodded, but his movement triggered his father’s attention, and the Irishman looked over._

_“Lisette said you’re a Bookman,” he stated, and the stranger nodded. “She said you want our son to join you.”_

_The stranger nodded again. “Liam seems to have certain traits that I look for in apprentices. I have been looking for a good many years, though I have been searching more actively lately, as I am getting on in years. It is very important I have an apprentice, and I believe Liam would be perfect.”_

_His father nodded grimly but remained resolved. “Liam is our only son. I need his help on the farm to harvest crops. We’ll lose it if I don’t have his help.”_

_“If you are looking for monetary compensation, I am happy to oblige,” Bookman bartered, taking a clinking bag from somewhere inside his large cloak. His father looked interested immediately, and Liam felt an arrow of rejection rip through his heart._

_“How much do you think my son is worth?” His father asked._

_Bookman dumped the bag of coins on the table, and both his parents gaped at the sum._

_“We could hire someone to help tend to the farm for a few years—we could have another child,” he said thoughtfully. His mother looked a bit scandalized, but Liam had seen how wide her eyes had gone at the sight of the money. He knew she would cave, just like his father had already._

_“Riley…” His mother said, but she looked back at the money, and Liam knew he was being sold._

_“And you say he’ll have a proper education? He’ll be properly taken care of? You’ll never abandon him anywhere?” His father asked. Bookman nodded gravely, and the money was passed._

_Bookman stayed for many weeks as his parents judged his character. Liam, too, judged the man, and the longer he was around him, the longer Liam felt a strange companionship. He couldn’t really put a finger on it, but he simply felt_ understood _when he was with Bookman, and the man was able to challenge him in ways that no one had been able to before._

Lavi sighed as the memory finished. In the next town, Bookman had sat down in their shared room at the inn and asked Liam if he had wanted to forget. Liam had nodded, had said yes, and Bookman had obliged. The hypnosis shattered again, and Lavi found himself curled tightly into himself in Yuu’s soft yet firm bed.

\---

_August 25, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Green met weary gray in a glare so strong that the other man flinched from it. Lavi was back in the counseling room on the couch that still smelled of ass. Lavi found himself gagging lightly at the smell, but he ignored it, folding his arms in indignation.

“Shall we begin, then?” Larry said after clearing his throat. Lavi narrowed his eye further.

“I am not doing that again,” he said coldly with a rock-hard undertone. Larry raised one of his bushy eyebrows.

“Really? I thought we made some significant headway yesterday,” the psychiatrist said lightly. Lavi made a noise that sounded dangerously like a hiss.

“You made me dream about who I used to be. It’s not pleasant to remember that your father was looked down upon for marrying a Frenchwoman, that you came from a poor family, and that no one understood you because you were too intelligent. It wasn’t pleasant to remember that my parents sold me to Bookman.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Larry asked gently. Lavi’s vision tinted red for a moment.

“How do you _think_ I feel about that, asshole? I already fucking told you, it wasn’t pleasant.” Anger gnawed at Lavi’s psyche like nails on a chalkboard, and he had to force himself to take a deep breath and hold himself still.

“Care to elaborate?” Larry asked, still doing that infuriating soothing voice.

“No,” Lavi spat. The doctor backed down, obviously realizing that it wasn’t the time to push the topic. Not that it ever would be. “So, as you can see, doc, I’m perfectly sane, so you can fucking let me go now.”

Larry shook his head, and Lavi felt his hands curl into hard fists.

“How about we do something different, Lavi?” The doctor asked bracingly. After a tense moment of silence, Lavi decided he was stuck in the position of a patient and gave in.

“What is it?” He asked resignedly.

“I want to do a bit of word association—”

“Must we do Freudian things? He was an old kook who endorsed cocaine as a miracle drug, had a tiny wiener, and thought his mother was sexy,” Lavi complained.

“Yes, because despite all that, Freud had a very good theory of the mind. For you especially, I believe the iceberg theory of the unconscious and conscious minds is very applicable.”

“Are you saying my mind is an iceberg?” Lavi asked incredulously, throwing his fisted hands onto the leather surface of the couch and supporting himself on them.

“Yes.” This man had no idea what he was talking about.

“Well, it’s not. My mind is a square,” Lavi said, getting up to leave. The psychiatrist caught his arm as he passed the man’s chair, and Lavi was forced to stop.

“A square?” He asked, using his other hand to stroke his beard thoughtfully. “Why do you say that?”

“Because there’s four corners, now let go.”

The man obliged, but he remained staring at Lavi and eventually gestured for him to sit again. Not knowing why, Lavi sat again, waiting for the man to speak.

“Tell me about these corners,” the man said in that damned soothing voice that grated at Lavi’s nerves, working in tandem with the nails and chalkboards.

“I don’t think I will, it’s too far at the bottom of my iceberg,” Lavi quipped. Larry sighed in frustration, bringing a hand to his forehead, kneading it gently.

“Well, then, we’ll have to dig deep.”

“Do your best, mind-surgeon.”

“Alright—I want you to tell me the first word that comes to mind after each word I say.” Lavi rolled his eye. He had this one in the bag.

“Home,” the psychiatrist intoned, and it began.

“Sun,” Lavi replied promptly.

“Breakfast.”

“Sun.”

“Book.”

“Man.”

“War.”

“Bookman.”

“Love.”

“Sun.”

The psychiatrist sighed heavily, squeezing his eyes shut in frustration. “Okay, sun.”

“Cinnamon!” Lavi exclaimed with a bright smile.

“Moon—”

“—ing for my sun.”

Larry shot him a strange look and cleared his throat. He continued on, and Lavi’s answers gradually became more varied as the prompting words became more obscure. After nearly fifteen minutes, Lavi felt himself becoming bored.

“Butter.”

“Voice—I’m bored, can we stop now?” Lavi asked desperately. It distressed him how many times he had thought of Yuu.

“I’m very interested in your choice of answers. You know, for over half, you answered either ‘sun’ or ‘Bookman.’ Do you have any idea why?” The psychiatrist did his trademark eyebrow raise, and Lavi began to seethe.

“Yes, I do. You spend most of your life as a Bookman, allowing yourself no other identity or thought process, and see if you don’t think mostly of that. And my sun is very special to me. Sometimes, I think my sun is the only thing that keeps me sane,” Lavi said matter-of-factly before half-walking, half-racing to the door. He was out before Larry could say another word.

\---

_August 26, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Lavi decided he didn’t like therapy. Not only did he now remember who he had been, but he was having… _nightmares._ Lavi shuddered. He’d already lived through more war than he’d cared to remember, and now he was recalling it in excruciating detail. Throughout it all, a dark presence at the back of his mind was pulling at him. Lavi hoped the presence was trying to get rid of all the memories, because Lavi wasn’t sure how much more of them he could take. Especially with Yuu away in fucking America.

He sighed and flopped back onto Yuu’s pillow. It no longer smelled of the man, but Lavi knew all he had to do was change the sheets. Even washed sheets would smell a bit of his… what did he call Yuu? Lover? But that wasn’t right—Yuu cared for him, probably a lot more than he knew himself, but it would be impossible for Yuu to actually _love_ him. No one had, after all.

_But_ I _love you…_ Said a small voice in Lavi’s head. It sounded familiar, and its accent was decidedly Irish, though something was off.

_What?_ Lavi asked himself dumbly. His mind had probably made that up to make him feel better.

_Oh, shit. You 'eard me?_ The voice said again, sounding panicked. Lavi’s heart skipped a beat.

_Wait, I’m actually crazy? There’re voices in my head now?_ He though, panicking himself.

_No—no, no, no. You’re not crazy, I’m your conscience. And, er, I love you because we’re a narcissist. Right?_

Lavi gave himself a questioning look and then realized how futile the effort was. Sighing, he gave up the whole voices-in-head issue as a bad job and flopped back onto the pillow. At some point, he had sat bolt upright, and he had no idea when that had been. For some reason, that thought disturbed him, but he ignored it and tried to push himself into a dreamless sleep.

He failed. He couldn’t sleep no matter how hard he tried, and he ended up in a stupor of sorts, remembering visions of little children being burned alive in their homes.

There was a knock on the door, and someone entered. Lavi finally managed to pry his eye open, and his stomach dropped as he noted who had just come in. He hastily reached for his eye patch and replaced it over his right eye as the doctor took a good look at him. He felt the bed shift as the man sat down.

“You do know you’re in the wrong room, right?” Larry questioned, and Lavi scoffed.

“I’m right where I want to be, doc, so can you leave me alone?” Lavi said, turning his head into the pillow but leaving his good eye cracked open, staring at the doctor.

“You missed our appointment,” the psychiatrist stated. Lavi grunted.

“That’s what happens when you skip things,” he growled. There was no point in feigning politeness with this man. He didn’t deserve it, not after that hypnosis trick.

“So I decided to bring the appointment to you.”

“No, thank you, Larry,” Lavi said, though his voice was heavily muffled as he talked through the pillow.

“I don’t remember giving you a choice on the matter,” Larry said delicately, examining his hands closely. “I was given your case so you could be evaluated.”

“You’re not evaluating me, you’re trying to heal me when I’m already as healed as I’m gonna get,” Lavi said, his voice growing tight with anger.

“Well, it was my professional opinion that you are not well and need therapy. I know this may sound harsh and may be a blow to your ego, but you need help, Lavi, and I’m here to give it to you.”

Lavi glowered at the old man. “You’re not _helping_ me, you’re giving me _nightmares_.”

“Nightmares can be good. We can probably see them as progress, in your case.”

“Not when the nightmares include little children being burnt, people being crucified, and intense, remembered pains from when you were shot,” Lavi yelled, pulling Yuu’s sheets over his head. He didn’t even care that he could no longer see the man. Being half blind and a Bookman left him with phenomenal senses, and Lavi used his hearing to locate the man’s exact position and actions.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The Freud-esque man asked quietly after a long silence.

“No, Larry, I just want to forget,” Lavi said, repressing a groan of frustration. Was the man incapable of understanding, or did he think Lavi really needed all this ridiculous psycho-shit?

The man in question stirred a little and then got up. “I will visit you again in four days’ time. You will be here, I assume?” Lavi nodded from beneath the blankets.

\---

_August 30, 2013—The United Nations Building in New York, New York, USA_

He was _tired._ There was no other word to describe it, either in English or in Japanese. He was simply exhausted past the functioning point. Long ago, he would have been able to work through it, but after spending days listening to his father cackling over him as he raped and beat him, he didn’t have the energy to keep going. Wearily, he saw a rather uncomfortable-looking bench and stepped up his sluggish pace. He needed to sit down. Their lunch break would be over soon, and the United Nations meeting would begin. Nearly every political or world leader was here, as well as several representatives from each country. The entire world was here, watching, and Yuu knew he needed to be aware, as the Earl would not pass this opportunity up at any cost. There was bound to be an Akuma attack, and it was imperative that Yuu be competent at that point.

Yuu barely made it to the bench before collapsing on it. His eyes were already shut, and the lack of any movement pulled him into the immediate grasp of sleep. He tried to activate his Innocence as he slipped away, but he was gone before he even realized what was happening.

\---

Amanda grimaced as her stomach gave a loud growl. She looked around sheepishly but was glad to find no one staring. She watched as Allen approached, and her grimace turned into a full smile.

“Hey, Amanda, I’m starving. Let’s go get some food,” he said, placing a hand to his stomach as he came into earshot.

Amanda nodded earnestly, and they walked over to the food court. She ordered a cheeseburger as Allen listed off his food choices to the dumbfounded cashier. They walked over to the condiment table, chatting agreeably about neutral topics that did not include the war. Absently, Amanda added a good amount of mayonnaise and an even larger portion of both ketchup and mustard, smiling evilly as she noted Allen’s scandalized look.

“Does that even taste good?” He asked incredulously, and Amanda shook her head.

“No, but it was worth seeing your face,” she quipped. Allen snickered, and they made their way over to the nearest bench.

As they rounded the corner, Amanda stopped short, and Allen’s grin grew dangerously wide.

“Heh, heh, heh, look at Kanda. He’s awfully cute, lying there all defenseless and sleeping.”

Amanda got the hint, and they walked over. As they came up next to him, she reached out a hand and poked him at the crown of his head. The man didn’t move at all, nor did he make a sound, and Amanda saw Allen frown from the corner of her eye.

“I know Kanda doesn’t sleep that heavily, especially when he’s on a mission. He must be drugged or something. We should get a doctor to look at him.” Amanda was surprised to find genuine worry in Allen’s voice.

“I don’t think so,” she disagreed, taking a bite of her burger while still leaning over Kanda. She watched, horrified, as a huge glob of mayo-mustard-ketchup fell with a plopping sound onto Kanda’s head, dripping down his hair ominously. Amanda gulped and flinched back, waiting for Kanda to get up and kill her in one swift move.

Only he didn’t stir at all. Allen chuckled nervously and poked Kanda a few times. “Are you sure, Amanda?” He asked doubtingly.

“He hasn’t been sleeping well. Actually, no, he hasn’t been sleeping at all. I’m normally asleep by two, and I can still hear his ragged breaths as I fall asleep. This entire week, I’ve woken up every night around three in the morning to his screams. There hasn’t been a night when that hasn’t happened. I don’t even think he realizes he does it. I tried to mention it once, but the glare he shot me made me think I could ignore it for a while.” Amanda shuddered. After a moment, she took another bite, and she flinched again as more condiments fell into Kanda’s already-ruined hair. Amanda shrugged and continued to eat, more condiments slopping into Kanda’s hair with each bite.

“Really?” Allen asked, seeming somewhat concerned as he stuffed a roll into his mouth. Timcanpy swooped down from his shoulder, pilfering a bite as Allen grabbed a sandwich from his large pile of food.

“Yeah. I’m tired as fuck, lemme tell ya. I can never seem to get back to sleep when I hear Kanda’s masked sobs.”

Allen choked. “ _Sobs?_ ” He wheezed, and Amanda moved from above Kanda to pat his back, smearing her disgusting mixture of condiments on the back of his jacket. He swallowed and gasped for air with almost greedy need before he choked out, “Kanda can _cry?_ ”

“I know,” Amanda said, grimacing. “Shocked me, too.” She returned to her position next to Kanda’s head, but as she reached his side, a strange smell tickled her nose. The sneeze came unexpectedly, too quickly to be stopped or suppressed. She tried rolling her eyes as high as she could, but her usual trick held no avail, and she felt herself throw her burger as she raised her sticky hands to cover the spray of spittle and food.

Eyes watering slightly, she looked over and saw the meat from her burger fall into Kanda’s lap. There was a pickle on Kanda’s nose, and bits of melted cheese, lettuce, and extra condiments littered his face.

Amanda turned to look at Allen and saw her horror-struck expression mirrored on his face.

“I’m dead,” she whispered. And then Kanda woke up.

\---

Something cold and wet dribbled over his head, but he didn’t care; he was so tired. His sleep was so peaceful, and he needed to get some actual rest. Lenalee would be by eventually to get him up for the meeting, but until then, he could—

Something impacted his face, and he felt that same something hit his lap. He cracked his eyes open and stared blearily down at his legs. There was something half-moon-shaped there, and he picked it up, throwing it away in disinterest. There was a strange smell surrounding him, and he wrinkled his nose. He froze. There was something on that selfsame nose. He reluctantly moved his arm up and plucked it off, holding it in front of his drooping eyes. There was no way he could mistake the smell, tired as he was. There was a pickle in his hand, and it had previously been on his face.

He sighed lightly, and the movement made him note something cold and wet dripping at the crown of his head. He disposed of the pickle by throwing it to his side and brought both hands up to his hair. An expression of horror grew on his face as he felt the goop. He ran his hands through the entire length, and as he pulled them away, he saw a disgusting, orange-ish mixture of who-knew-what. Yuu heard a noise from above his left ear, and he looked in its direction. The Infernal Girl was standing, her hands outstretched and covered in the same orange stuff. She looked absolutely terrified, like a Level One Akuma at the end of his chokuto.

Yuu couldn’t bring himself to do anything, tired as he was, so he stood up, a great shudder running through his entire body. Lenalee walked up, and her face took on an alarmed expression.

“Kanda-kun! What happened?” She said, reaching out to touch his arm but stopping herself at the last moment.

Amanda whimpered.

“Do you want me to help you get that stuff out of your hair?” Lenalee asked. Yuu shook his head. Lenalee cut his hair, but he didn’t want her hands anywhere near his skull.

“I’m capable of taking care of it myself,” he said, and he walked off to find the nearest bathroom.

“We start in ten minutes!” She shouted after him, and Yuu nodded briskly, wondering if she saw it or not and then deciding he didn’t care.

He ended up being an hour late, and he threw the doors of the large meeting room open and walked in with his head up. He met no one’s eyes, and he lowered himself into a chair as if he had been there the whole time.

Lenalee looked over at him.

“I couldn’t get it out,” Yuu muttered, scowling at the room.

“I can see that,” she whispered back, looking as if she was suppressing chuckles. Beside her, Allen gave a mighty guffaw. The meeting recommenced.

It was boring, mostly, and it was a formality. The United Nations discussed with the Exorcists the notion of having the entire world’s military backing them. Over the course of the next three hours, they whittled down details and came to a tentative agreement. Yuu began to doze after a while, but every time he got close to falling asleep, the pungent smell of mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard jerked him awake again.

“You don’t realize how many people you’re going to lose by doing this,” Tuan Chu implored in a last attempt against the military presence. “Millions—billions—of people are going to die. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. They will die. Every day, Finders die all over the globe, and even though that is regrettable, they chose that. You intend to reissue the draft, I assume?”

At least half the representatives nodded uneasily.

“Then you are sending countless children and adults alike to their deaths. And not only that—when people find out, you will have so much turmoil on your hands that you are now risking the stability of all of your countries, if not the whole world. If you are going to do this, you have to make it voluntary. Explain to your people the dire need we are in, tell them what is going on. We can no longer afford to keep this a secret.”

“I understand your view, but very few people would join your cause without a draft. You have told us your mortality rates several times, and they are not impressive,” one of the representatives stated imperiously.

“I don’t think you _do_ understand. If you draft people to fight for us, they would not be helpful. They will only be cannon fodder. If you don’t want to be out there fighting Akuma, the Noahs, and the Earl, then there is no power that could make you do it—unless you carry Innocence. Many of us did not join this fight voluntarily. Families were torn apart, people were killed or bribed, and children were kidnapped just to force them to fight for the Dark Order.” He turned to his fellow Exorcists. “How many of you actually joined the Order of your own free will?”

They all shook their heads. “They said they’d pay for college,” Amanda said quietly. “They didn’t tell me that it was only if I lived.”

“It was the only path left forward for me,” Allen added.

“I was taken from my brother right after our parents died,” Lenalee said in a hushed tone.

“There was nothing else I was successful in,” Miranda pitched in.

“My sister and I were kidnapped—our parents still haven’t “found” us. We thought that was for the best. They don’t need to know what we’re doing now.” Lolek’s voice was defeated, and Miranda reached over and placed a hand over his comfortingly.

“It was better than home,” Yuu said. Lenalee gave him a surprised look but nodded knowingly. Yuu was mystified.

“It was either this or go to jail for drug trafficking,” Artemis piped up. Yuu stared at her incredulously, and he saw his expression mirrored in several of the other Exorcists’ faces. The only one who didn’t look fazed was Lenalee, surprisingly.

“And they bought me,” General Chu concluded gravely. “The only reason our mortality rate is so low is because we have to fight seriously, or else everyone will die. We don’t get the choice to fight—either we refuse and the world dies, or we fight and we have a chance at saving innocent people. So please, give them the choice we didn’t have. Because quite honestly, almost all of the soldiers who go to this war will never come back. If they’re lucky, they’ll die quickly, but this war has no luck. To the enemy, humans are expendable—they’re little breakable toys that they bought at a garage sale. They take them apart and make _new_ toys out of them.” No one needed him to elaborate.

Allen chuckled quietly, and Yuu had to resist the urge to punch the boy again. Tuan Chu sat down, and the debate resumed.

“Hey, Amanda,” _Moyashi_ said in a stage whisper, leaning over both Lenalee and Yuu to get close to her. Yuu shrank from the contact.

“What?” She stage-whispered back.

“Why did the President cross the road?” He asked, suppressing another chuckle. Yuu scowled. _Moyashi_ was invading his space to tell a _joke?_

“I don’t know, Allen, why?”

“To get to— _OH MY GOD!!!_ ”

Yuu flinched as _Moyashi’s_ voice grew shrill and pain-ridden. He felt something hit his thigh and looked down. There was a spot of something red, and a moment later, another one joined it. Allen was shaking, and Yuu looked into the younger boy’s face. His left eye was entirely black with a dark red pupil, and blood was seeping from it like the agonized tears of the statue of the Virgin Mary. Allen let out another wailing scream, and his hand twitched to his eye.

Behind him, the wall shattered. Simultaneously, seven Exorcists activated their Innocence, surrounding the incapacitated Destroyer of Time. Suddenly, the world became shaded, a black tint that Yuu couldn’t blink away. All around him, the chained souls of Level One Akuma rose from the crowd. A row of Level Twos followed behind them. Yuu tightened his grip on Mugen’s hilt. There were too many to fight off easily, but he figured they’d all survive none the worse for wear.

Allen screamed a third time, and the Crowned Clown flared to life, its mask falling over the boy’s blood-filled face. It shone like a white beacon in the dark world.

The world spun, and Yuu was abruptly facing the huge hole in the wall. A platoon of maybe fifty Level Threes swarmed in, their souls crying as their mechanical bodies rained destruction on the nearest UN representatives. He felt the first wave of hopelessness as three Level Four Akuma emerged, flying directly toward the group of Exorcists. Even with three well-synched Generals and a group of some of the most powerful Exorcists, these forces were too strong to defeat. At least a few of them would lay down their lives in this battle. Nausea hit him as something else flew in, its angelic white wings shining nearly as much as the Crowned Clown.

It sported a shining golden halo above its too-human features. It would have been human, had its body not been cartoonishly out of proportion. Too-long legs sparkled a metallic silver, and long-fingered hands stretched down to its knees. Its wrists and ankles were riddled with big, gaping holes, and its forehead was speckled with smaller ones. It had a flat nose and huge, strangely-shaped eyes. It couldn’t have been taller than four feet. It was skeletally thin in places. Its soul shuddered at what it had become, and Yuu heard it begging to be killed in the most pitiful whimper. The soul itself bore no resemblance to the glorious human it had once been. It was withered and darker than black, and it hovered tremulously just above the Akuma’s halo. Its eyes were gaping holes of an even deeper, denser black, and gray tears fell from them in weeping sobs.

Yuu felt his nearly empty stomach rebel at the sight of what must have been a Level Five. He tried shutting his eyes against the sight, and he even put an arm over them, but his efforts didn’t help. The soul still burned in his retinas as if he was still looking at it, and the way it moved made him realize that Allen’s curse was still allowing him to see, even with his eyes closed.

A collectively unspoken thought dispersed the Exorcists: Allen, Lenalee, and Chu set their faces in determined masks and launched themselves at the Level Five. Artemis and Amanda flew into a deadly storm of projectiles as they began to take down the numerous Level Ones and Twos. Lolek’s gauntlets sprouted from his arms like sharks’ fins from the ocean. He was slashing viciously at a Level Three, Miranda shooting short, thin rods that altered space-time after him and hitting the Akuma with sickly proficiency. Yuu pulled Mugen to chest height and ran his fingers down it in a calming gesture—he no longer activated his Innocence that way—and braced himself for his overwhelming fight against the three Level Fours. He knew already that he would not survive.

Running forward, he engaged the nearest of the Level Four Akuma. His Innocence shone bright red with an eerie blue glow around it. He didn’t even need to speak the words—his Hell’s Insects flew from it at just the thought. Twisting through the air, they struck the Akuma, and it turned to face him, a smile marring its face. It giggled in a high-pitched voice and flicked its wrist. A beam of bright, purple light flew at Yuu, and he swung Mugen through it to divert its destructive path. Behind him, he heard screams, and he chanced a glance to see how many people he would be protecting. His heart lurched as he saw the American President, his Secretary of State, the British Prime Minister, and the Russian President all standing with horrified looks on their faces. He positioned himself directly in front of the group.

“Run,” he hissed as quietly as possible to avoid drawing too much attention to them. They couldn’t move, and Yuu no longer had time to concentrate on them. The Level Four attacked. It flew at him, and he ran forward to meet it. Swinging his re-formed blade, he managed to stop and parry a punch, only to be thrown back by the force. Into the Level Four that had snuck up behind the group. He couldn’t help it, he screamed. A purple explosion hit him in the back, and he flew forward toward the first Akuma.

Getting up on unsteady limbs, Yuu activated his Second Illusion. The original Level Four did not have time to dodge. His attack did not make so much as a scratch. Cursing, Yuu braced himself and unleashed the Third Illusion. He raced forward in a fury, slicing at any inch of Akuma he could get, and though the Level Four was nimble on its feet, it was unable to prevent the deep channels that Yuu rent through it. He continued on dodging Akuma bullets and purple light alike, all the while carving the Akuma like a Christmas turkey.

As the Akuma in front of him exploded, he saw Miranda running over to help. A quick glance at Lolek showed the man had everything under control. More rods of space-time flew out from the dots on Miranda’s Time Record, racing past him toward the remaining two Level Fours. She pulled the Record back and it flung still more rods out like a slingshot. Then she did something unexpected; she flipped her Record. Yuu gasped as he recognized the face of a clock. Solemnly, Miranda wound the minute hand counter-clockwise. A brief beam of yellow light shot past him, almost grazing his left ear. There was a sickening gasp, and Yuu turned to face his next opponent.

A time ring encircled the foremost Level Four’s waist. Yuu watched, transfixed, as it slowly lost its form, breaking up into nearly one hundred Level Ones, Twos, and Threes. Amanda darted past, her Discus whistling by with destruction in its path. Artemis’s steely gray arrows shot in high arcs and pelted Akuma as they descended. Yuu shared a look with Miranda, and she nodded. He took point against the final Level Four. Space-time rods rocketed past him, displacing his hair with their sheer velocity. Mugen’s third illusion—which, thank the Lord, had stopped draining his life force once he had hit Critical—surged forward with him, flashing like wings on his arms. He hissed at the harsh impact on the Akuma’s metallic skin but kept on with his attack.

A metal arm flew out of nowhere and threw him back. He felt his back snap as he hit the ground, right next to the group of politicians.

“ _Che,_ ” he scoffed, riding through the pain. Thankfully, his spinal cord hadn’t snapped, which made it easier for him to heal. Clenching his teeth and staying watchful, he waited for the Lotus Spell to do its work. He saw Miranda slingshot another round of space-time rods before flipping her Time Record again. Within moments, the time ring was in place, though it took long minutes for the Akuma to dissolve. Yuu hissed as his back realigned with a harsh _snap_ that drew the politicians’ attention.

“What was that?” The American Secretary of State said in a shaking voice.

“That was my spine,” Yuu bit out through gritted teeth as he stood up.

“Didn’t we just hear that break a minute ago?” The Russian President asked brusquely.

Yuu sighed and resisted the urge to scoff at the guy. He arched his back and felt a very satisfying _crack!_ The politicians flinched at the loud noise, and Yuu met the Russian man’s eyes. “Not anymore,” he said before turning on his heel to return to battle. He stopped, and his eyes widened in horror as he saw an enormous spike flying rapidly toward him. He quickly calculated the trajectory and was momentarily relieved when he realized it would go past him. And then his heart skipped a beat. It would hit one of the politicians behind him. He sprung into action without even thinking about it. He could heal from the Akuma virus; the politicians could not. He threw himself into its path.

The spike thudded through his chest, piercing him just next to the Lotus Spell’s large mark. Yuu felt himself thrown back into the wall a few meters behind him, taking the politicians he was trying to protect with him, before he felt the beginning of the burn of the Akuma poison.

\---

Allen emptied the contents of his stomach on the marble floor, choking as he began dry heaving a moment later. Not even the soul of a Level Four could compare to the disgusting sight of the Level Five’s. Allen felt tears pouring down his face, mixing with the still-flowing blood, but he did nothing to stop it. He clenched his right arm tightly around his left wrist and pulled on it until it became his sword. Running forward, the Crowned Clown’s cloak-like form flowed out behind him. The rapid clacking footsteps of Lenalee’s boots alerted him to her presence at his right side. General Chu sprinted up to his left, and as one, the three of them launched themselves at the Level Five Akuma, resolved to destroy it.

Lenalee used her newfound ability to literally walk on air to launch an overhead attack, and Allen enhanced it with long, sweeping lunges at the Akuma’s tiny body. It flew out of reach, never staying in one place for more than a split-second. All the while, it cackled lightly, smiling excitedly at what seemed to be a game to it. The _rat-tat-tat_ of Chu’s Machine Gun Innocence echoed loudly throughout the large hall, adding a steady beat to the cacophony of the fight. The Level Five danced out of the way of each bullet with extreme ease. Its smile had not yet fallen, and Allen expected it would not as long as it considered the battle to be fun.

The beat stopped as the Level Five charged at Tuan Chu, stopping with precision barely five centimeters from the man. Tuan’s bullets bounced harmlessly off of the Akuma’s skin. Reaching out a hand, it poked him lightly on the shoulder. Tuan went flying, and he didn’t stop until he crashed into the opposite wall, making a deep crater in it. The General coughed blood and fell to the ground, unconscious and bleeding out. He saw Miranda turn from her battle with the Level Threes and put Tuan’s time into her Innocence. In that time, he, too, was hit.

All he felt was an intense, blinding pain. Taking gasping breaths, he slowly sat up. He became aware that there was nothing underneath him. Looking around, Allen came to the horrifying conclusion that he was tangled in a chandelier. He tried to extricate himself by flailing wildly, but that only succeeded in getting him stuck further. Sighing, he took off his arm and in one swift motion, cut the chandelier from the ceiling. It hit the floor with a satisfying _crash!_ Allen felt himself jarred by the impact, but as he stood up and dusted himself off nonchalantly, he thought himself no worse for wear.

Lenalee soared past him, looking worried. “Are you okay, Allen?” She called as she struck a glancing blow on the Akuma. It staggered back, looking appalled. It paused, and its smile grew wide and evil. It shook its shoulders and its wings grew spikes. Giggling, it dislodged two of them and lightly flicked them at Allen, others following in quick succession. Allen ignored the pain as he threw himself to the ground to avoid the spikes. A shout from behind him indicated that one had struck home. Turning around wildly, he saw Kanda blown back into a small line of gaping politicians.

Unable to give him more than a cursory glance, Allen wrenched himself back into the fight as Miranda dropped to Kanda’s side. He joined Lenalee and Tuan, and they moved in tandem. Allen shot out numerous Clown Belts, but none of them were able to touch their target. The Akuma made contact with his chest, and Allen flew back once more, a fountain of blood erupting from his mouth. He felt a rib break. Coughing, he saw Miranda’s Innocence encase him, too. Immediately, he felt better, and he ran once more at the Level Five. Something flashed behind him, but he paid no attention as he brought his sword to bear.

\---

The virus scorched his veins as it traveled through his system. His eyes were closed against the pain, and with the last of his mobility, he raised a star-spotted arm and wrenched the bullet from his chest. Yuu screamed and began convulsing. Nothing mattered anymore but the liquid fire that blazed through his body. The world faded from his mind, leaving only the excruciating pain. Yuu had never felt an all-encompassing burn like this before, and he considered himself particularly lucky. He never wanted to feel this again. Breathing was becoming harder and harder, and he choked on something thick and coppery. Someone was turning him on his side, and lava burst from the bleeding hole in his chest.

“Time Record, take his time,” Miranda mumbled next to him, and it took all of Yuu’s concentration to reach out a fully-darkened hand, despite the unbearable pain.

“Don’t,” he croaked. When had his voice gotten so scratchy? He hoped he hadn’t shamed himself screaming.

“Kanda, I have to—”

“ _Wakatta,_ but… let me… heal… from the… virus…” Yuu choked out. Talking was harder than breathing, which had become nearly impossible. He felt a hand in his and managed to look up at the lanky black man overtop him. “Don’t… touch… hole…” he managed to say, “…poi—son.”

His eyes closed, and he felt himself shaking again. Something foamy was in his mouth, and sound disappeared from the world. All that was there was the pain, the agonizing throbbing in his chest and the receding fire in his veins.

Abruptly, he felt like he was floating, and a series of cracks and pops echoed in his mind as his body mended itself with a pace the Lotus Spell could no longer keep up with. He cracked an eye open and saw several of Miranda’s rings of time around him, healing his injuries. There were more than he’d thought. He even felt his old scars relinquish themselves to smooth skin. He looked gratefully over to Miranda and nodded sharply. She smiled at him, and he saw tears falling from her eyes.

“I am likely dead,” he said, sitting up. The black man next to him looked startled.

“But you look healed,” he protested. Yuu fixed him with a straightforward stare.

“Miranda’s Innocence only delays the inevitable. I survived the Akuma virus because I am immune—the curse that keeps me alive will not be able to heal such a fatal wound. It no longer has that capability.” Nodding curtly, he strode over to Allen, Lenalee, and General Chu. He would finish this fight.

“ _Shigento_ ,” he said dangerously and threw himself into the battle. His sword extended into a double-edged staff in the palm of his hand, and he twirled it expertly. During the final year, after he had reached Critical, he had spent many hours perfecting the usage of this weapon. He would not lose. He threw it forward and hit the Level Five dead-on. It reeled back as Mugen cut clean through it and soared to the ground. A blue string of light flew from his hand, and he recalled the weapon, cutting it through the Akuma again.

He kept no restraints on his power, pushing it past its limits. Yuu and his opponent attacked and dodged with the smooth, deliberate motions of a choreographed dance, and though Yuu did not hit the Akuma again, his opponent was unable to hit him.

He did not feel the usual drain of life-force that came with his highest level of invocation, and as Mugen sailed back into his arm in a sweeping arc, he noted it was no longer the deep red of crystal type. Rather, it was clear, glowing around the edges with a familiar blue color that he had come to miss. A grim smile touched his lips. How ironic that it took his death to bring about Mugen’s second evolution.

“ _Shinde,_ ” he hissed, redoubling his efforts. He flew in and out of reach, hitting the Akuma with nearly every attempt. Sometimes it managed to block with its long, thin arms, but mostly it sat still, shocked at actually being hit with real, damaging blows.

With a final effort, Yuu shoved Mugen through the Akuma’s chest, extending his arm farther than was wise. The Akuma tried to take advantage of the mistake, but it gasped out a choked breath. Launching his Innocence (to which the Level Five was still attached) upward, he nodded to the idiot _Moyashi_ , who had been standing still, gaping, the entire time. _Moyashi_ flinched at Yuu’s gaze and then nodded in understanding. Gesturing to Lenalee and Chu, he set his idiot face into something that approximated the look of a General. Mugen hit the ceiling, and Lenalee grabbed each of her companions’ hands in her own, bending her knees into a low squat. In a moment, the three of them streaked up toward the ceiling. _Moyashi_ scratched out with his claw as Lenalee arched back for a kick and General Chu unloaded a storm of Innocence bullets. The Level Five exploded mightily under the fire, and the world seemed just a little bit lighter, despite Allen’s curse still being activated.

The three hit the ground, and Yuu recalled his Innocence to him. The Fourth Illusion dissolved into the now-clear blade, and Yuu turned collectively with the others to finish off the rest of the lower-leveled Akuma.

“ _Kaichu: Ichigen!”_ Yuu shouted, releasing his Hell’s Insects with a backhanded sweeping motion. The blade dissolved, and the Insects swept across the sea of Akuma like a deadly plague. They cut through Level One after Level One, leaving only explosions in their wake. Lenalee and Allen turned to fight with Lolek, and General Chu joined Artemis and Amanda against the level twos. Yuu worked alone, cutting down the numerous Level Ones. He noted Miranda was now out of the battle, the time of so many injuries and firing rods of space-time having tired her out too much to move from the politicians’ corner.

As the last of the Akuma exploded, Yuu wiped his clear blade off on his sleeve, being careful to get everything off. Finally satisfied at the general hygiene of his Innocence, he re-sheathed it. The blade sunk easily into the clear circle on his left hip. He walked over to the spot where the rest of the Exorcists had gathered.

“I can’t hold your time much longer,” Miranda moaned, holding her Time Record to her chest as if that would allow her another minute of activation.

“You can release me,” Lenalee said. Amanda, Artemis, and Lolek nodded along, and Miranda dropped their times, looking slightly relieved.

“That didn’t give me much time—yours was so light—but I can hold on long enough for us to get to a hospital, I think.”

The others nodded, and Yuu found a miraculously undestructed chair and sat in it. Lenalee limped over to him, looking very battered now that Miranda was no longer keeping her in her best state.

“Kanda-kun, is there anything you need?” Lenalee asked in a hushed, kind tone. She crouched down. Yuu shook his head and stared at the disfigured marble floor, unable to look down into her pitying eyes. “You sure?” She added. Yuu took a bracing breath and glanced into her deep purple eyes. They were swimming with tears—as usual—but there was no hint of pity in them. Instead, he saw only sorrow and something… _sweet_.

“I… am a bit thirsty,” he finally conceded. Lenalee chuckled but got up from her crouched position.

“I’ll be right back. One of the politicians just called an ambulance, and we’ll all ride over to the hospital together. But I’m sure you’ll want your water first.” She walked off with a light smile, though her eyes belied her sadness. She returned just a few minutes later with a paper cup. Yuu drank deeply, his parched throat feeling relieved as the water went down. He could vaguely taste blood and bile, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Suddenly, water was the one thing he needed, and he gulped it all down until he was tipping the cup for the last dregs of liquid.

“Only a bit thirsty, Kanda-kun?” Lenalee teased lightly, walking off and getting him another cup. Yuu finished the second cup just as quickly, cursing himself as he slopped water down his front. After all the mess of the day, though, he didn’t particularly care. And he was _thirsty_ , dammit.

\---

The ambulance arrived after only a few minutes, and as they loaded themselves in, Allen told Miranda to release him. Though he collapsed from the sudden re-breaking of his rib, he managed to only grimace in pain.

“Nothing compared to the headaches Fourteen likes to give me,” he joked half-heartedly. It fell flat, but everyone except Yuu laughed anyway. The dark-haired man snorted—only _Moyashi_ would joke about something as morbid as that.

At the hospital, General Chu immediately demanded to be released, and a team of doctors rolled him away on a gurney, shouting orders to scared-looking interns. Yuu gritted his teeth.

“I know I’m going to die, but I assume the doctors will try to revive me anyway. If that’s the case, I’d prefer someone more… experienced.” His tone and expression held no room for argument, and a wide-eyed girl not much older than him nodded and ran off. A minute later, she returned with three older doctors.

Nodding grimly at Miranda, he braced himself. “Release me,” he said gravely. Miranda looked conflicted but complied. Yuu screamed out as the hole in his chest returned. The last thing he felt was a sharp _crack_ as his head hit something very, very hard…

\---

_August 30, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Exactly four days, three hours, twenty-seven minutes, and forty-one seconds after his meeting, Larry returned to Lavi’s room—well, Yuu’s room.

“I trust you’ve been well?” He asked, pulling Yuu’s desk chair over next to the bed. Lavi retreated slightly, now stretched out at the other side of Yuu’s bed. The psychiatrist gave him a contemplative look but said nothing, a fact for which Lavi was glad. The man’s glasses were dirty today, covered with several small, white dots. Lavi thought they looked remarkably like Komui’s after the man had brushed his teeth vigorously. Unbidden, Lavi began to chuckle, genuinely amused at the memory, even with the doctor’s presence so close. Larry raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry—you just made me remember Komui for a minute,” Lavi said, still snickering a little bit, though most of his laughter had calmed.

“Today, I would like to talk about this ‘sun’ of yours,” the psychiatrist said, pushing his glasses up to the top of the bridge of his nose. Lavi unsuccessfully stifled another bout of light snickering.

“Oh, I can do that,” Lavi said, feeling relieved. “I can talk about my sun _aaaall day!”_

The doctor looked skeptical. “What exactly is this ‘sun?’”

“My sun keeps me warm,” Lavi replied, point-blank.

“You mean the sun outside,” the doctor commented.

“No, I mean _my_ sun. It shines through me and keeps me warm.” Lavi was getting annoyed. Why was Larry so dense?

“Listen to me, Lavi. This ‘sun’ is something inside you, something that isn’t real. I need you to understand that, okay, Lavi?”

Why was Larry trying to make him doubt his sun? “But it’s not inside me!” Lavi protested, leaning forward despite his growing distaste for the man.

“Yes, it is, Lavi. Your sun does not exist, do you get that?” Larry talked slowly, as if Lavi was incapable of understanding what he was saying.

“But my sun is Yuu,” Lavi said softly, looking down at Yuu’s sheets.

“I’m not your sun,” Larry said firmly, “no one is. Your sun does not exist. It is a figment of your imagination. It is a way for your mind to cope with the tremendous stress of being an Exorcist.”

Lavi glared hatefully at the man. A movement behind the psychiatrist caught his eye, and he gasped in horror. A petal on Yuu’s lotus flower fell, and it was quickly followed by another. He stopped paying attention to the man in front of him, focusing solely on the actively wilting flower. For a long time, nothing happened, and just as Lavi was about to force the psychiatrist—who seemed to be ranting or something—to leave, a third petal began to shrivel up. Lavi’s mind recoiled from the implications, and he shivered. Suddenly, he was very, very cold.

“You’re right,” he said softly, and the annoying man’s voice quieted immediately. “There is no sun.” His sun was very injured, probably dead. Yes, his sun was most likely dead. Or mortally injured and about to die. But his sun wasn’t there at all, was he? No, he had not seen his sun in a very long while. Too long. His sun must be gone. Because otherwise, his sun would be here with him. His sun was definitely, definitely gone. He no longer had a sun. The warm glow that had filled his body seeped out of him like air from a punctured balloon, and he felt himself swimming away. What had he been doing? Who was—

“That’s right, Lavi, there is no sun,” a voice said, and he became aware again of the man in front of him. Who was the man? He only knew that he hated the man. But wait. He didn’t know who he was again. Hadn’t he had this trouble before? But he just _couldn’t remember_ , and he felt himself drifting in a freezing ocean. Maybe he would hit an iceberg…

Meaning left his mind, but one question remained, so he spoke it: “who’s Lavi?”

The man drifted out of view, but he thought he saw the man look very, very distressed. Good. Served the bastard right.

He shivered. “Yuu, it’s so cold…” he muttered as his eye drooped.

\---

He looked up, his eye snapping to attention as he straightened his back. Glaring hatefully at the man in front of him, he yelled, “You son of a bitch, you broke 'im again!”

The idiot Larry looked taken aback. “What?” He asked, blinking.

“Lavi—you fuckin' _broke_ 'im, and 'e was _finally_ almost 'ealed enough for me ta start juxtaposin' m'self!” He kicked the man in the kneecap, more out of frustration than anger, though there was a good amount of that as well.

“ _Who…_?” The psychiatrist asked.

He rolled his eye, scoffing. “I’m Liam Flynn; I’m who Lavi used to be—and wha' 'e would be if he didn’t suppress everythin' 'e felt.”

“I heard you had a penchant for acting, Lavi. I see my sources were correct.”

“I’m not actin', you fool!” Liam shouted, kicking the man again. “Doesn’t the accent give it away? Twenty-tree and a turd, man!” Really, didn’t he know that Bookmen didn’t have accents?

“Well, you did switch from your perfect English accent to an Irish one, but I don’t see how that makes a difference,” the doctor murmured, shrugging his shoulders.

“So you don’t believe that Lavi could possibly be a multiple personality?” Liam asked incredulously. Really, was this man _blind?_

“It’s a rare condition; normally, children with extremely traumatic experiences develop one or two as a way to protect themselves, but I hardly see how that applies to you,” the doctor said. Liam kicked him a third time.

“So you don’t think that seein' children burned alive and people bein' disemboweled, raped, tortured, shot at, eaten, buried in mass graves, and crucified merits any second personality? You don’t think that watching an entire fuckin' genocide isn’t traumatic enough for a seven-year-old ta be scarred by?” Liam shouted, rising to his feet as his voice increased in pitch until it was a screech.

The doctor looked horrified. “What?” He croaked.

“Bookmen aren’t allowed ta feel, so Lavi repressed all of 'is emotions, pushed 'em into a back corner of 'is mind. And it just happened ta be the same place where all of 'is memories before the age of six were located. And it was also the place where 'e sent the disturbing images 'e didn’t want ta remember. I am Liam Flynn—'is six-year-old self—grown up with the experiences of any Bookman heir.”

He pulled open Yuu’s bedside table’s drawer and grabbed the letter opener from Bookman’s room. After Yuu had left, Liam had taken over Lavi’s consciousness during the night and stolen over to his former master’s room. He had taken the letter opener. It was the only thing Bookman had left behind, so Liam wanted it. Deep down, he knew Lavi wanted it, too. He sat down on the bed again and played with the letter opener absently, twirling it in little circles.

“You know, Lavi was doin' so well lately. You see, we’re both a little depressed, and when Lavi finally started ta allow 'imself ta feel things, 'e got a lotta sadness, too. 'E didn’t know how much 'e cared about Bookman, ya see. I _am_ sorry I tried ta kill us, though. Lavi was just hidin' in the back of our mind, so I came out—I couldn’t jus' leave 'im starin' there apathetically, after all—and Lavi was feelin' so depressed. 'E jus' wanted ta disappear, and I didn’t really want ta be here if Lavi wasn’t—I mean, 'e’s a part of me, or I’m a part of 'im, I’m not really sure anymore—so I just… tried ta end it. I mean, we didn’t have anything ta live for. But then Yuu said 'e cared about us, and that was the first time anyone’s ever said tha' ta us, including our parents, and we knew we cared about 'im a lot, too, and suddenly, we 'ad somethin' ta live for. We 'ad Yuu—'e kept us warm at night when Lavi couldn’t function and I was still unable ta move ta the front of our mind. That’s why Lavi calls 'im 'is sun, you know—”

The doctor raised both bushy eyebrows, and Liam sighed. “His sun was a person?”

“Of course, you dolt! 'E even told you! ‘My sun is Yuu,’ 'e said. 'E was talkin' about Kanda Yuu, the Japanese Exorcist. If you weren’t such a fuckin' narcissist, you would’ve realized that Yuu’s pretty much the only person we’ve been around for the past couple of weeks. Seriously, don’t you check your patients’ backgrounds? You already seemed completely ignorant of what a Bookman’s job entails. I mean, come on, Lavi’s mentioned war before, 'asn’t 'e?

“And back ta my other point, Yuu was 'is sun, which is why Lavi equates sanity with warmth. When 'e said ‘it’s so cold,’ that’s because 'e was going fuckin' insane, retard!

“I got so fuckin' tired of listenin' to all the shit you’re tryin' to get 'im to believe when none of it is fuckin' true! Yuu is our sun. We live for 'im. Or at least we did, until you took that away from us! Behind you is Yuu’s lotus flower—two and a half petals just wilted, meanin' Yuu is either very, very injured, mortally wounded, or dyin'. Which is basically three ways of saying that 'e is going to die very, very soon, because the lotus flower isn’t 'ealing 'im fast enough anymore. You’ve undermined one of the four corners of our mind—we use these four corners to keep us sane, and by takin' one of them away, well, you’ve made it a triangle. And triangles just don’t work. Lavi 'as four very important ways of seeing 'imself. 'e’s got a corner for 'is Exorcist self; a corner for 'is Bookman self—I’m in there; a corner for 'is sun—which you took away; and a corner for 'im to eventually put 'is main personality—which 'e’s still tryin' ta figure out. It’s like a stool with only two legs! It jus' doesn’t work! You can have a stool with three legs and four legs, but you can’t 'ave one with two!” Liam shouted. As he listed the number of legs, he started ticking them off on his hand with the letter opener for emphasis. The psychiatrist looked completely blown away. Liam felt no small amount of satisfaction.

“Now, I’d like it very much if you would leave. You’re never to come near Lavi again, you understand? I will disappear eventually, because at some point, Lavi’s going ta 'ave to incorporate me, and the process 'as already started. But you see, 'e’s got no way to deal with my complete and utter depression. And there’s absolutely no way 'e’ll regain 'is sanity if 'e remembers everything we’ve both seen together. Because right now, 'e’s not sane. If Yuu comes back, then 'e might have a chance at regaining that sanity, but that’s unlikely. Every time Lavi sees you, 'is sanity slips further, and it’s really painful ta watch. Or feel. Or whatever. Just stay the fuck away from us.”

The psychiatrist scuttled from the room, and Liam lay back on the bed, still fingering Bookman’s old letter opener. He sighed. He wasn’t strong enough to stay in control much longer, but he couldn’t let Lavi out at this point—he would be next to useless, and he didn’t want their body to waste away with Lavi in control.

\---

_August 30, 2013—A Hospital in New York City_

The photographer scrolled through his camera’s pictures with great interest. Though the media was not supposed to be at the UN meeting, the photographer had been able to sneak himself in. He had stayed on the outskirts of the battle, and he had taken some very excellent pictures of it. His boss was going to pay him a shitload for this.

He had followed the ambulance to this hospital, as he wanted to document the Exorcists’ injuries as well. It was amazing, how that one woman had been able to reverse their damage. That was cool. He’d gotten a few pictures of that—especially the one with the Chinese guy who was seizing with some sort of black poisoning with President Obama’s hand in his.

Perhaps he could sell these pictures to other papers, too. He’d make an even larger sum. He smiled to himself and continued looking at the pictures. He couldn’t make himself delete any of them—they were all so unbelievable. The entire battle had been that way.

There was a light whimper, and the photographer looked up in interest as he saw an Exorcist jacket out of the corner of his eye. The blonde Mediterranean girl was being led by a large, muscled man. He snapped a picture—could he make this into a scandal? He decided to follow, snapping another picture as a strange-looking door appeared out of nowhere. He cursed quietly as the flash went off.

The girl looked around, and something desperate shone in her eyes. Switching his camera to video capture, he poked the record button. She mouthed something at him before the man urged her through the strange door that had just appeared. It closed behind them and disappeared.

Something in the back of his head told him to find the other Exorcists. The photographer thought that perhaps they should know—because, after all, he was not a bad man, and that had been _fear_ shining in that girl’s eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The statue of the Virgin Mary has stumped scientists for years. It has been seen weeping a strange, red liquid (or simply clear liquid, depending on the statue). This has happened for other statues as well, but the one of the Virgin Mary is the most well-known.


	17. My Lord, What a Mornin’

Chapter 15—My Lord, What a Mornin’

__August 31, 2013, 5:36 AM—Hospital in New York

Draping a blanket over Lenalee’s still form, Allen grimaced against the pain in his rib. He stole back to his bed, hoping none of the staff noticed his absence. He was in the room next door, as Tuan was in the bed next to Kanda’s. They had both miraculously been stabilized, and though Tuan was now doped up, he had woken only a few hours prior. Kanda had stayed in a resolute sleep that the doctors believed had nothing to do with the heavy medications that had worn off hours ago.

One of the three people sleeping by Kanda’s bedside stirred, and Allen froze, turning.

“Please don’t tell them I’m up,” he pleaded desperately.

“How _are_ you up?” The American President asked. Allen shrugged, and the movement sent another bolt of pain through his chest.

“Force of will. You see, that girl who’s leaning on your wife is the one I love. I don’t want her to get sick, and I knew she wouldn’t be caring for herself at this point. Oh, by the way, don’t tell her I said that—it would shatter her world if she knew and I died. She’s barely holding on as it is.” Allen raised his arms in a pleading gesture, and the President nodded immediately.

“Don’t worry, Allen—I won’t tell.”

Allen smiled. “Thanks, Barack.” The man nodded, and Allen walked stiffly from the room, closing the door slowly behind him so it wouldn’t be very loud.

It had surprised him to see the American President appear at Kanda’s side as soon as he had been stabilized. But what had surprised him the most was what the man had told him. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Kanda had _willingly_ saved someone else’s life. The Kanda he had met at the age of fifteen surely wouldn’t have, but something had slowly changed in the older man, and Allen was starting to believe that there was someone decent beneath all the rugged layers. _No,_ he thought, _there’s something even more shocking than that._ The President had gone up to Kanda, pulled a chair up to his bedside, and grabbed the unconscious Exorcist’s hand. He hadn’t let go except to go meet his wife, who had flown in from Washington, DC, and to do the necessities. His wife had joined his vigil, and after Lenalee had been checked over by a doctor and an intern, she had joined them as well. It hurt Allen to see Lenalee so close to the breaking point, and he had tried to comfort her as best he could. Unfortunately, the hospital staff seemed to think that it was important for him to stay in bed. Allen disagreed, but after they had restrained him the first time—he had escaped by activating his Innocence—he had decided not to cross them.

Getting back into his surprisingly comfortable bed, he soon fell into a light sleep. He was glad when he met Lenalee in Faith’s room.

-

_Her dark brown curls cascaded beautifully down to the ground as she offered Allen a hand up from the floor. He took it and winced at the pain in his rib. Faith smiled serenely and said in a soft voice, “Allen Walker, you are injured, would you like to be healed?”_

_The white-haired boy nodded uncertainly, and Faith called the Healer to her. She appeared a minute later. Her gray, wispy hairs flew from her head like a halo as usual, and her smile grew when she saw her patient._

_“Elizabeth, would you please heal him? He cannot fight our confused siblings with his rib in such a condition.” The Australian Noah nodded and placed a hand on Allen’s injured chest. In a moment, his pain-ridden expression turned relieved, and he looked around._

_“Thank you,” he said, and Faith knew he was speaking both to her and Elizabeth._

_A moment later, Lenalee appeared, and Faith grew very happy. She liked Lenalee, and she knew Allen liked Lenalee, too. Really, they were fated for each other, if they’d only realize it—if only_ Road _would realize it. It made her sad that her favorite sister was suffering an unrequited crush. Still, Allen and Lenalee were her Heart, so that made it a little bit easier on her._

_“I am sorry for the fight today. I am very angry at Chaz for bringing such a large force. It has gotten to the point where my clan has forgotten where they come from, and that is causing them to do horrible things. Please, don’t penalize them for it. They are good people, if you’ll only give them the chance to prove it. You will know this once the Earl is killed. I am… unable to stay awake for long periods of time, and I can only meet with you when I am, but I will do my best to aide you in this terrible endeavor.”_

_Allen and Lenalee nodded, and Faith grinned when she saw them unconsciously holding hands._

_Elizabeth walked over to Faith, looking worried, and Faith’s smile disappeared at what the woman said. “There is another presence in Walker. It feels… familiar, almost like… Sebastian.”_

_Faith gasped. She had always wondered what had happened to him after he had lost his form. Abruptly, Allen screamed, his hand ripping from Lenalee’s in order to grab his suddenly-darkened eye. Faith recognized the symptoms immediately. Furious, she strode over to Allen and placed a hand on the crown of his white head. Searching his mind, she found the presence she was looking for and_ pinched _it between her thumb and fore- and middle fingers. Creating a mirror, she threw the Musician into it._

_Glaring at him, she pointed an admonishing finger at his darkened, smirking form. “No!” She said firmly. The Musician looked hurt._

_“What’s wro—”_

_“No! Bad Sebastian!” She said in that same firm voice. Her fourteenth brother pouted._

_“You make it sound like I’m a dog,” he whined, hanging his head pitifully._

_“You may as well be. Now listen to me, Sebastian. You’re not to hurt Allen again. If you want the Earl dead, you must stop hindering my Heart.”_

_“But Faith! He’s boring!” Sebastian protested. Faith hardened her face._

_“I don’t care if he’s Jesus! I’m forbidding you from hurting him again. Anything—even a little twinge—and I refuse to put you in someone else’s head after the Earl’s gone,” Faith stated, her arms folding over her chest indignantly._

_“But—but I want my body back!” Sebastian shouted._

_“I’m sorry, Bastian, but you know I can’t, not without Sarah.” Faith felt her face plummet into a crestfallen look._

_“Can I have a hug, at least?” Sebastian asked. Faith looked up at his dark form in the mirror and smiled. He always knew how to cheer her up. Reaching through the mirror, she patted him on the head._

_“Only if you can catch the candy in your mouth,” she said playfully, and Sebastian’s eyes flashed with determination. She tossed him a caramel, and he stretched his neck, catching it in his mouth expertly. They had spent many rainy days playing just like that. Faith longed for those halcyon afternoons. She softly reached back into the mirror, wrapping her arms warmly around her brother._

_“I mean it, Sebastian,” she warned, her tone turning dangerous even as she rested her head against his chest._

_The man deflated a little bit and patted her on the back. “Fine,” he sighed. Faith pulled back, catching his eyes._

_“I’m serious,” she said, her voice flinty. Sebastian raised his hands in surrender._

_“Can I at least defend the body?” He asked._

_“Only if he asks you to,” Faith decreed fairly. Allen nodded at the terms, and Faith pulled Sebastian out of the mirror, placing him lightly back into the white-haired boy who already carried too much._

_“Thank you,” the boy said again, and Faith smiled down at him._

_“Anytime,” she said. She felt sleep beginning to take her again, and she reluctantly bid her Heart farewell. They waved as the room dissolved into unconsciousness._

\---

_August 31, 2013—The Dark Order, Yuu’s Room_

The sheets smelled so familiar, but he couldn’t remember why. It was vague, faded almost, but the scent was so hauntingly _good_ that he couldn’t make himself move. He simply lay there, unmoving, and breathed in that wonderful smell like it was a drug. It made his head a bit more clear, made him remember at least a few things about himself. He felt very, very empty, as if he was missing a huge chunk of who he was, but he at least knew that he was an Exorcist named Lavi. He knew he had a personality in his head somewhere, but he couldn’t seem to recall it—it had been lost when whatever had happened to him had come to pass.

He shifted, sending his nose further into the sheets, and sighed. His breath smelled rank, putrid even, but he couldn’t leave this place, not when it was keeping him from freezing over.

_Come on, idiot, get up off your ass and get somethin' ta eat and brush your teeth. Take one of Yuu’s shirts if you need ta,_ a voice in his head ordered. It sounded remarkably like his own, and Lavi assumed it was his forgotten self yelling at him.

_No, you dolt. I’m not your “forgotten self.” Well, I am, but not in the way you’re thinkin'. Anyway, go brush your teeth—I’m suffocating 'ere._

Lavi flicked him off before realizing he was talking to his head. Shaking that selfsame head in exasperation, he forced himself up. Immediately, the air felt icy, and he shivered as he went through the drawers mechanically, searching for something that contained the smell. It wafted out, stronger than the sheets, and Lavi nearly passed out in joy. Grabbing the topmost item, he walked in a slow gait to the bathroom, backtracking only once to grab his toothbrush.

The Dark Order had many provided conveniences. Lavi’s favorite was the toothpaste dispenser that stood eerily close to the one for the liquid soap. Pushing the button, he loaded his toothbrush with the minty-smelling concoction and shoved it in his mouth, brushing his teeth violently and efficiently.

_You happy now?_ He grumbled at his head as he walked back to his room after an unsatisfying breakfast.

_Not particularly. Are you?_ The voice asked smarmily.

_Not at all,_ Lavi responded. For some reason, he felt completely comfortable with the fact that he was probably schizophrenic.

_You’re not—oh, whatever, I’ll be gone in a while anyway._ The voice sounded weary and almost sad. Lavi was about to question him when the real world called out to him.

“ _Lavi!_ Lavi, helloooo?” An Irish accent asked, and a hand was waving annoyingly in front of his eye.

“Eh? Oh, hi, Darcy,” Lavi said, adopting an Irish accent himself. It felt far more natural than any other accent he’d taken on during his life, and he always enjoyed speaking with it.

“Lavi, what happened to your eye?” Darcy’s face looked worried. The man’s blue eyes were piercing despite looking rather cloudy and vacant.

Lavi brought a hand up to his right eye and noted his eye patch was missing. “Oh,” he said, but he couldn’t seem to make himself feel embarrassed, “shrapnel.” He walked past the other man, heading back to the room. He needed more of the smell. The garment he carried was no longer enough.

“Wait!” A hand landed on his shoulder, but Lavi continued walking before the grip could restrain him. A moment later, he heard Darcy’s familiar gait behind him, and he resigned himself to allowing the man to follow him.

He reached the room quickly and tossed his toothbrush on the floor. Flopping backwards on the bed, he grabbed the pillow and flipped it over, covering his face with it. The smell surrounded him again, and he began to relax slightly. The door opened, and Darcy entered. Lavi raised up a hand and waved it in greeting.

“Are you alright?” The man asked. Lavi gave him the “okay” sign that offended most Germans. “You don’t seem alright. Want anything?” Lavi shooed him away with a flick of his hand. The Irishman didn’t leave, though. “Mind if I stay?” He asked, and not caring for Lavi’s answer, he hunkered down. It appeared Lavi had no say in the matter. But after a while, he ceased to care, because the smell lulled him into a peaceful sleep.

\---

_August 31, 2013, 7:30 AM—A Hospital in New York_

Sweat dropped from his very warm hand. There was something very hot in it, and he realized with a shot of dread that someone was _holding his hand_. Yuu pried his eyes open and saw, to his horror, that it wasn’t just one person. The American President’s hand was in his, and Lenalee’s rested atop of both of theirs. He tugged his arm back gently, but the President held fast, even in his sleep. Yuu tugged again, and when the President didn’t budge, he wrenched it from the man’s grasp. Yuu shivered. He hated it when other people touched him.

The only exception seemed to be Lavi. For some reason, Lavi’s touches set him on fire, made him crave the man like a drug. It was different from that horrible pleasure he had felt at the hands of his father; it was something so completely satisfying, and Yuu had never felt safer than he did when he was with Lavi. Each time he thought about the other man, his stomach did a small spasm, and every time Lavi touched him, his heart flew like a bird’s. And he didn’t mind it. He wanted more of it, as far-fetched as that seemed.

A sharp pain in his chest jolted him from his reverie. He looked down and saw a large, square bandage taped over the wound. He scowled at it.

“Why is it still there?” He hissed angrily to no one in particular. Frustrated, he ripped the bandage off and was surprised to see a large, angry scab that was verging on scar tissue. Yuu poked at it curiously.

“You shouldn’t be touching that,” a man’s voice said, and Yuu looked up into the surprisingly close face of the American President.

“I’ll— _fuck_.” Yuu let out a steady stream of Japanese curses under his breath as the wound started to ooze blood.

“As I said, it would be wise to stop touching the—” the American President started, but Yuu paid him no heed.

“Why the hell haven’t I healed yet?” Yuu pondered aloud angrily, looking around the room for a pitcher of water. He saw one on his bedside table and pulled it over. Wetting the edge of his bedclothes, Yuu began to wipe the blood off of the barely-healed hole in his chest.

Next to him, the President balked. “How long do you think you’ve been asleep?” The man asked.

“Only a few hours, I presume, judging by the darkness,” he stated, looking the man in the eyes for the first time. The black man raised his eyebrows curiously.

“My body heals abnormally fast and breaks down narcotics and other harmful drugs,” he mentioned. He noticed an ache in his head, and he brought a hand up to it. Pain struck down at his skull like a drum, and Yuu cursed once more. “Why does my head hurt so much?” Unintentionally, he looked down at his chest and found his answer. “Ah, priorities.”

“That’s a very interesting tattoo you have there, Mr. Kanda,” the President commented.

Yuu snorted humorlessly. “It’s not a tattoo.”

The silence was broken by a song Yuu didn’t recognize.

“Sorry, Mr. Kanda, I have to take this—it’s my Secretary of State.” He flipped up his phone. “Hi, Hillary. Yes. Uh-huh. But I’m standing vigil! Well, he woke up, but—all right, I understand. I’ll be there as soon as Air Force One is fueled again.” Turning back to Yuu, he closed his phone. “Sorry, we’ve got a situation in Washington. They need me in the White House since over fifty international leaders died yesterday, and we have no bodies to produce. They told me they think they separated their ashes properly, though.” He smiled mirthlessly. Shaking his wife gently to rouse her, he quickly explained the situation, and they got up to leave. At the door, he turned around and smiled genuinely at Yuu. “Oh, and Mr. Kanda—thank you for saving my life.”

Yuu nodded in acceptance, and a moment of understanding passed through their connected eyes. “I would have done it even if I hadn’t known that I would survive,” he said. _But,_ he added to himself, _it was the first time I was glad I was going to live._ His thoughts went to Lavi for a second, and that clenching feeling in his stomach returned. Yes, he was definitely very, very glad to have lived through that.

“I’ll never forget it.” The American President closed the door with a parting wave, and Yuu listened to them walk away until their footsteps were out of his range of hearing. Which wasn’t very far.

Lenalee stirred lightly, and Yuu looked over at her. She had a blanket overtop her, and from the way she was leaning over his lap now, it seemed like she had been there for a while. He sighed. Lenalee had always worried about him. He shifted over to the far end of the bed, and the wound opened completely as he picked Lenalee up to put her on his bed next to him.

“ _Kuso_ ,” he hissed. Lenalee’s eyes fluttered, and she let out a waking sigh.

“Kanda…-kun?” She asked as her eyes squinted open. Then, she sat bolt upright and threw her arms around him. Yuu stiffened for a moment, but he didn’t move back. “I’m so glad you’re alright!” She said, her voice high with relief. Yuu felt tears hit his chest. He sighed, and looking away, he brought up a hand and patted the top of her head. She froze and pulled back, looking horrified.

“I’m so sorry, Kanda-kun!” She squeaked, her hands covering her mouth. Yuu was confused for a moment. “I didn’t mean to break my promise!” She jumped off of the bed and ran to the door.

As she opened it to rush out, Yuu realized what she was talking about. “Wait,” he said. Lenalee stopped and turned to look at him.

“What is it, Kanda-kun?” She asked, a worried look now pinching her features.

“I didn’t think you remembered,” he said softly, looking at his lap and resisting the urge to play with his hands.

“I’d never forget,” Lenalee said brightly before leaving, presumably to go back to _Moyashi’s_ room. The door opened a second later, and Lenalee poked her face in through the crack. “Oh, and I’m glad you’re alright, Kanda-kun.” She smiled at him and then left. This time, the door did not open again.

Yuu sighed and sat back in the bed, wiping his wound again with the wet sheets. Hopefully, it would be healed enough for him to leave in a few hours.

\---

_August 31, 2013, 5:03 PM—A Hospital in New York_

The photographer went up to the front desk again. He had been refused entry the day before, so he had come back. The Exorcists needed to know about this.

“What do you need?” The receptionist asked, chomping loudly on a large wad of gum.

“Uh, yes, I was here yesterday about seeing the Exorcists. I—”

“No one is allowed to see them. Their presence here is supposed to be confidential,” the receptionist cut him off.

“Listen, I have reason to believe that one of them was kidnapped.” The lady rolled her eyes and blew a bubble. “Fine, you know what, just tell one of them I need to speak to them.”

“No, now step out of line, sir, there are others behind you with actual questions that need answerin’.” The photographer scowled.

“I need to see the Exorcists. I have important information!” The photographer yelled. He felt someone poke him, and he turned around. He nearly jumped back into the high side of the desk.

In front of him was one of the Exorcists. She had brown hair and brown eyes. Her jacket was torn and burned in places, but she kept it on. The photographer wondered why she hadn’t changed out of it yet.

“You need to talk to us?” she questioned, and the photographer nodded. “Well, come with me!” She grabbed his wrist and led him through a labyrinth of corridors. She turned into one of the rooms, and he followed her. Inside, the photographer saw the entire group of Exorcists. One of them was restrained to a bed, another was unconscious, and a third was in a wheelchair, but the rest of them sat in chairs, looking only slightly battered. All of them wore Exorcist jackets, excepting the two in bed.

“—weren’t we supposed to leave yesterday? Besides General Chu, we’re all fit to travel, and he can follow once he’s well enough. He’s a General; he can take care of himself. I don’t see why we can’t just go home,” said the very effeminate man who was restrained to the bed. He looked rather disgruntled. The photographer placed him immediately as the one who had been in the worst condition the previous night. He had gotten great pictures of the man being pierced through the chest with a large spike. He didn’t understand how the man had survived, let alone up and about, ready to travel.

“That’s the first time you’ve called it home, Kanda-kun,” a girl with hair to her mid-back smiled. Her jacket was different from everyone else’s (except the old man in the wheelchair), with gold trimming rather than white. The Exorcist he had followed giggled and replied,

“He only calls it home because Lavi’s there,” she snickered, covering her smile with a small hand.

The old man in the wheelchair cackled, but his expression soon sobered. Clearing his throat, he said, “is that everybody, then?”

The man on the bed looked around. “Where’s the stupid druggie?” He asked, sounding annoyed. The photographer didn’t understand, but he raised his hand a bit and stepped out from behind the Exorcist he had followed.

“Er, that’s what I’m here about.” He turned to the restrained man. “I assume you’re talking about the blonde, Mediterranean girl?” he asked, and the other man nodded sharply. “You may want to see these pictures.”

The old man in the wheelchair turned around, and the photographer dropped his camera in surprise. The old man could not have been older than seventeen or eighteen, just a young boy. He wheeled over to the photographer and leaned over to pick the camera up. He looked confused at the device, and the girl the photographer had followed sighed exasperatedly, rolling her eyes.

“Gimme that, Allen,” she said, taking the camera and opening the viewfinder. She flipped through the pictures, her eyes widening the longer she looked. Gravely, she handed it to Allen and explained to him how to work it. Pressing one solitary button, the mini-recording played, and the rest of the Exorcists quickly crowded around the boy.

“ _Che. Moyashi_ , when you’re finished, hand it over,” the bedridden man said.

“It’s Allen,” the white-haired boy bit out, looking away from the video for a second, scowling at the man.

“Whatever,” the man said, glaring back.

“Did anyone catch what she mouthed? I can’t read lips,” the boy said. The Chinese girl on his right, the one with the long, mid-back-length hair, had tears running down her face.

“I think that was ‘help me,’” she said, her voice breaking. The boy surreptitiously slipped his free hand into hers. They were an item, then. That was good to know—the papers would love to hear about the Exorcists’ love lives.

“Wait—I can’t see,” said a pale man with blond hair and blue eyes. The white-haired boy—Allen—handed him the camera, and the man replayed the video. He blanched and paused it halfway through. “That’s Noah’s Strength,” he said in a flat monotone, his voice schooled and restrained, as if he was trying to keep himself from crying.

“Are you sure?” The Chinese girl asked, and the man nodded gravely.

“I would never forget the man who killed my sister,” he said.

“Those are Road’s doors, right?” The girl he had followed asked, and the boy Allen nodded.

“They don’t look like an entrance to the Ark, so I assume they’re some of Road’s,” the boy confirmed. “I wonder if she was here, too.”

“No,” said the restrained man from the bed. The other Exorcists shot him questioning looks, and he sighed. “She would have tried to see _Moyashi_ ,” he explained in an exasperated voice.

“It’s Allen—and yeah, you’re probably right.” The white-haired boy shuddered, and the Chinese girl next to him rubbed his back soothingly, muttering something the photographer couldn’t hear.

“Well, what do we do?” The girl he had followed asked. She looked terribly worried, and it struck the photographer that perhaps the two had been good friends.

He noticed how the Allen and the Chinese girl exchanged significant glances, nodding in agreement after a moment. The photographer was blown away by the entire silent conversation—it had been a long time since he’d been close enough to someone to understand through a small series of glimpses at the other’s face.

“I’ll call the Director and have him get us an airplane for this evening,” the white-haired boy said. The photographer realized that he must have been the leader. Perhaps he was much older than he seemed. The others nodded, looking uneasy. The girl he had followed crossed her arms across her chest and shuddered. He saw the blond man pull her into a gentle, friendly hug. He whispered something to her, and she nodded, sniffing, and flipped her phone open. A moment later, she was crying into it, and the photographer tried not to overhear what she was saying—from the facial expressions she was making, she had just called her boyfriend. The blond man then went over to the dark-haired lady who had not participated in the conversation. They stood a foot or two apart, but there was a palpable tension between them. He held out a hand and placed it on her arm. The photographer was struck by the perfectness of the moment, and he grabbed out his second camera, snapping a picture a moment later. Thankfully, the flash was off. No one even noticed him taking it.

“How are you doing, Kanda-kun?” The Chinese girl asked to the man on the bed. He scoffed and looked down his hospital gown.

“It’s fully healed, I think, though the scar is still unsightly,” he reported, prodding his chest a few times. The Chinese girl nodded, but before she turned away, he added, “where are my clothes?” The Chinese girl chuckled but pointed to a shelf beneath his bed.

“Shall I take Chu’s time?” The brown-haired woman asked, and the photographer looked over at her as she activated her Innocence. He had seen it at work on the battlefield, but seeing it up close was completely different. As yellow rings surrounded the unconscious man, he saw the wounds heal. The man stirred and blinked. He sat bolt upright.

“Where’re the Akuma!” He shouted, looking around wildly. A moment later, his posture relaxed, and he breathed in a deep breath. “Are we leaving, then?” He asked, and the brown-haired woman nodded. “I assume I’m in horrible health at the moment?” The woman nodded again, and the man sighed.

“ _Hatsudou_.”

The photographer looked over at the long-haired man in time to see him activate his Innocence.

“ _Kaichu: Ichigen_ ,” he muttered, and the blade dissolved, turning into strange, bug-like creatures. They flew out and gnawed at the man’s restraints until he was free. Carelessly, he threw on his clothes and waited for the other bedridden man to do the same.

Allen stood up from the wheelchair, stretching as he did so. “That was such a hassle,” he groaned, and the Chinese girl looked on sympathetically. A moment later, he grabbed her hand, and the two of them led the way out. They still had his camera.

“Wait!” He shouted after them, reaching out an arm imploringly. “My camera!”

“Sorry,” the white-haired boy said, turning around and grimacing. “We need to show this to the Director. If you want, you can tag along. You still need to explain what you were doing in the UN building, anyway.”

“How’d you know I was…?”

“Amanda told me while she was explaining how to use the camera. She flipped through the pictures of the battle, as you may recall.”

The photographer flushed. “May I come along?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Since you’re not an Akuma, I don’t see a problem with that. You’ll have to pay for your own ticket back, though.”

“Fair enough,” the photographer said, nodding. He made enough money to be able to afford a one-way ticket.

\---

_August 31, 2013, 11:50 PM—Holiday Inn_

The hot water ran soothingly down his sore, overtaxed muscles, and Yuu could do nothing but sigh in relief. He grabbed the bottle of shampoo from the lip of the bathtub and poured half of it into his hand. He scrubbed at his head furiously, trying to rid himself of the crust of the mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, and blood that matted his hair together. Growling, he cursed the inattentiveness of the hospital staff. It would take him at least an hour to get it all out, if he was lucky. His hair did not seem to want to come apart, though, so after he used up the rest of the bottle on the effort, he gave up and washed himself off quickly.

Stepping out of the shower, Yuu grabbed a towel. He examined it. Why were hotel towels so damn small? Yuu wanted to run the manager through with Mugen, but he resisted the urge, instead wrapping the towel around his thin waist. He straightened his back and walked out, hair still matted and filled with filth.

As he walked into the main room, Amanda—he had been stuck with her again—turned around. Her morose face froze and turned into one of slight horror as she saw him. It was gone in a moment, though, replaced with a blank mask akin to the one that Lavi sometimes wore.

“Do you have shampoo?” He asked, averting his eyes.

“Isn’t there some in there?” The Infernal Girl asked. Yuu scoffed.

“I used it all—the stupid hospital staff neglected to wash my hair.”

To his surprise, the idiot American snorted. “Well, that was your fault, Yuu-pyon,” she said. The name grated on his nerves, but he ignored it. He needed to understand what she was saying.

“Don’t call me that,” he bit out. “And what do you mean, ‘it’s my fault?’”

“Well, when they were undressing you, they got your shirt off fine, but when they got to your pants… well, your Innocence activated and pinned a man to the wall _through his arm_.”

“I didn’t activate my Innocence,” Yuu said blankly, “and that doesn’t explain why they didn’t wash my hair.”

“Well, a nurse tried to do that, too. She was a sweet thing, I feel so bad for her. You see, Kanda, your Innocence activated again and shot through the hand that was on your head. Lucky for you, the doctors say she’ll make a full recovery, but you have some apology letters to write when you get back.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Yuu said through gritted teeth. What sort of delusions were these?

“Perhaps it was your Innocence reacting to your unconscious wishes since you couldn’t at the time?” Amanda asked. Yuu shrugged and held out his hand.

“Whatever. The shampoo.”

The Infernal Girl rolled her eyes, but she went into the suitcase she’d been packing and handed him a half-filled bottle. Turning on his bare heel, he stalked back into the shower, grabbing his hairbrush on the way.

He re-emerged a half an hour later fully dressed and with the towel on his head, drying his hair. Amanda was on the phone, and she sounded dangerously close to tears. Yuu sighed in frustration and fell onto the bed, allowing himself to relax, if only for a moment. Then he got up and began packing his own Order-provided suitcase. Ten minutes later, he was finished, and he and Amanda were walking down to catch the taxi to the airport.

\---

_September 1, 2013, 2:15 AM—JFK Airport_

Lenalee stood behind him as Allen checked out each employee. The plane had thankfully been fueled before they’d taken over the flight, forcing all civilians off. The Director had found them a red-eye flight directly to London. It left at 2:45 AM, and they would arrive in London roughly eight hours later. Their estimated time of arrival was 3:45 PM, London time.

A flash went off again, and Lenalee turned to see the photographer taking yet another picture. Thankfully, Amanda had brought her computer with her, and she had been able to put the photographs on it as a backup. She had even put them on something she had called her “junk drive,” whatever that was. Lenalee hadn’t asked. Still, she was starting to get annoyed at the frequency with which the photographer snapped shots.

She surveyed the group of Exorcists, all of whom looked rejected—with the exception of Kanda-kun, who looked severely annoyed. He stared loathingly at Amanda, who was bawling unceremoniously into her phone.

“Daaaarcy! She was my bestest friend, and now I’ve lost ‘er, ‘cause there’s no way in hell she’ll be able to survive this, and I don’t know what I’ll fuckin’ do without herrrrrr!” Amanda wailed into the phone. Lenalee felt tears prickle in her eyes, and she stifled them, walking over to Allen for some comfort.

As they sat on the air conditioned plane, Lenalee felt a bit chilled, so she leaned into Allen, who had just taken a seat next to her. He grabbed her around the arms and pulled her close, and despite the shiver that ran through her body, Lenalee felt much better.

\---

_September 1, 2013, 10:17 AM—The Dark Order, Yuu’s Room_

“Lavi, you need to take a shower,” Darcy ordered as Lavi sighed once again.

“Are you saying I stink?” Lavi pouted.

“Yes, now take a shower, or I’ll spray you.” The Irishman held up a aerosol can of some sort, and Lavi read _Febreze_ on the side in a bubbly font.

“What’s that?” Lavi asked.

“It’s air freshener,” Darcy replied simply, and he pressed down on the nozzle. A noxious spray of lavender-smelling liquid emerged from the can, and Lavi coughed heavily as he breathed it in. “It’s used to make bad things smell better.”

Lavi glared at the man. Abruptly, Darcy’s cell phone began to ring. “Oh, it’s Amanda,” he said, his face lighting up. Before flipping the top of the phone, he pointed at Lavi. “Go take a shower,” he ordered him, and then he answered his phone.

Reluctantly, Lavi left the room with a towel in hand. He sulked the entire way to the shower. He couldn’t remember what was bothering him, but he did know that something should have happened yesterday, something very important. There was no sun, and he was so cold, but something about yesterday was supposed to make him warm again. Instead, it had been very, very icy.

The water didn’t warm him, and he began to shiver involuntarily the longer he stood under it. His chest was frozen, and by the time Lavi left the shower, his teeth were clacking together so rapidly it sounded like a tiny drum roll. Not bothering to dress himself, he wore the towel back to his room, where he found himself a pair of clothes. He dropped his towel unceremoniously on top of his orange shag rug (which was still a bit stained with blood on the other side) and left for Yuu’s room.

“—Eathe in deeply now, ‘kay, Amanda? It’ll be okay, just calm down, can you do that for me? Yes, I know… I know, and I’m sorry, baby, but there’s nothing you can do until you get—aw, I’m sorry, babe. Here, just stay on the phone with me for as long as you can, and when you get back, I’ll hold you all night, ‘kay? Yeah, I know, I love you, too.”

Lavi’s chest ached, a deep, throbbing ache that made it impossible for him to breathe. He gasped in a breath and then another, but no air was getting to his lungs, like it was being diverted to his stomach instead. His head felt light, and it spun. He turned abruptly and left the room. His eye hurt, stung, but he didn’t understand why. He just needed to be alone, maybe go to sleep. Because whatever was important hadn’t happened, and now Darcy was saying those three words he had never heard, and it hurt a bit, because not even his sun—back when his sun was there—had told him that.

_I wish I knew what was supposed to happen,_ he thought.

_Yuu was supposed ta come back,_ said a voice in his head. Lavi was confused. Who was Yuu?

_Voice, its cold,_ he complained as he walked back into his room. It smelled of dust and books, but Lavi didn’t want dust and books; he wanted cinnamon. And lotuses.

_I know, Lavi, I know. But don’t worry, very soon you’ll warm up, I’m sure of it,_ the voice said, trying and failing to sound comforting, because Lavi knew he would never be able to stop shivering. The world was just too cold without his sun. It didn’t help that the voice sounded unsure of himself.

_Why must you take everythin' with a grain of salt, Lavi? I mean, I know I do, but still… be a little optimistic for once—God, I can’t believe I’m sayin' that._ The voice did the equivalent of a mental headshake before shrugging his shoulders. Lavi was surprised to feel his own shoulders lift as well, but he didn’t particularly care. His bed was there, so he lay down on it. It smelled and felt unused, but he didn’t care. Even though it was freezing, his bed offered a small amount of comfort, and he took it.

_You should get some sleep—I’m exhausted, and when you can’t sleep, I can’t, either,_ the voice said, and Lavi growled, furrowing his brow in slight anger.

_Shut up, Voice. I don’t want to sleep. It’s too cold. I’ll die of hypothermia._

_No, you won’t… unless this is your way of keepin' yourself alive… I wouldn’t know. But please, Lavi, don’t get suicidal, ‘cause Yuu’ll get really mad at us if we try again,_ the voice admonished.

_Who is this Yuu person you keep mentioning, and why is he so damned important?_ Lavi demanded.

_'E’s warm,_ the voice replied vaguely, and Lavi sighed, knowing he would get nothing more from the voice. Already, he was starting to feel its presence slip away, and he groaned as it left his head, making him feel even colder.

He stared at the clock on his wall for lack of anything better to do. He counted off the seconds with the thin, red hand… “One, two, three, four…” The clock ticked steadily on, and the long black hand circled around several times. The little black hand moved slower, but Lavi counted that, too. It had started a bit above the four, and now it was nearly to the seven. Still, he counted, and he didn’t stop. It soothed his raging mind and calmed his chills, and Lavi felt himself fall into a tiny stupor. He needed to just _forget_ everything, because there was something very painful that he was going to think about soon…

_No, Lavi, don’t you_ dare _do this again. Stop doin' this. 'Ere, talk ta me—I’m sure Yuu will be back soon, and then you can talk with 'im, and 'e’ll make you feel much better, warm, even._ The voice was back, and it snapped Lavi from his stupor. Lavi growled at it.

_Voice! Why did you do that? I was feeling better!_ Lavi shouted.

_No, you weren’t. Just don’t do that, because it makes it very hard for me ta control myself, and we can’t try to jump again, as much as we may want ta._

Lavi had no idea what he was talking about, but the idea of jumping appealed very much to him.

_NO! Don’t think that, dammit! Goddammit, Yuu, get your fuckin' ass home and fix this mess that is, somehow or other, the dominant personality!_

Lavi tried to ignore the stupid voice, but it wouldn’t stop wailing, so he began to yell, hoping to drown it out. It worked, to an extent, until the voice got louder, so Lavi stepped up his volume, too.

His door slammed open, and Darcy stepped in, and for some reason, Lavi felt just a little better. Perhaps it was that the voice had shut up, or maybe it was because there was another physical human here, and Lavi needed someone there to stay grounded, but whatever the reason was, he felt better the second he saw the ginger man.

“Lavi, what’s wrong?” Darcy asked. His phone was pressed to his chest, and Lavi heard a tinny sound coming from it.

“Voice wouldn’t go away,” Lavi said defensively. He felt Darcy’s arms come around his for a moment, but it didn’t feel quite right. It didn’t warm him up properly, and Lavi shivered with the returning cold. The man pulled back as the phone started screeching.

_“Darcy? Darcy?”_ The phone said, and Lavi recognized it as Amanda. Of course it would be Amanda. Darcy had called her “baby,” and he’d told her “I love you.”

“Sorry, babe, I have to go—erm, Lavi’s… having… another breakdown, I think,” he replied, putting the phone back to his ear.

_“Do you want me to get Yuu-san?”_ The phone-Amanda replied urgently.

“Who’s Yuu-san? Voice keeps mentioning this ‘Yuu’ person, and I don’t understand what he’s talking about,” Lavi said, staring confusedly up at Darcy.

“Er, sure.”

“ _Kanda, here’s the phone.”_

_“Why do I care?”_ Lavi’s attention twitched a bit.

_“Because Lavi’s on the phone, you cold bastard.”_

_“So?”_

_“Darcy says he’s having another breakdown or something.”_

_“Give it to me.”_ The second voice sounded oddly familiar, but Lavi couldn’t place it.

Darcy put the phone to Lavi’s ear, and he grabbed it mechanically. “Hello?” He asked desolately.

“ _Lavi?_ ” The phone asked.

“Who is this?” There was a pause on the other end.

“ _What do you mean, ‘who is this,’_ Baka Usagi!” Lavi’s attention was grabbed for a moment, picked up like a loop on a crochet hook, but it was dropped just as easily as a stitch.

“I mean, I have no idea who’s talking. Everyone keeps mentioning this Yuu person or this Kanda person, and I have no idea who they’re talking about, and I wish Voice would shut up, and I suddenly understand what Allen is going through with the Musician. Whoever you are, it’s annoying to have something yelling at you all the time. Trust, me, I’d know.”

There was a clicking noise, and the call dropped. Lavi let the phone slip from his hands. He went back to looking at the clock. There was nothing else to do. He counted again, _forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty…_

Food wafted around him, and he ate it, still counting numbers. The little hand was on the nine again. Someone was talking above him, but he didn’t care, because the numbers were so interesting. _Thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four…_

When every hand hit the twelve, Lavi heard someone walk into the room. He thought it was a very strange coincidence that his visitor happened to be there at such an exact time. He didn’t look up to see who it was, though. He still had numbers to count. O _ne, two, three…_

And so the clock kept moving on, and Lavi stayed still, and Voice wouldn’t shut up, and there was the person who kept bothering him by talking and putting food in front of his nose, feeding it to him as if he were a baby. Couldn’t the person understand he didn’t feel like eating, that he wasn’t hungry? But the clock was still so interesting, and all thought passed away again as the clock hit _thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…_

The little hand had made it to the four. _Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two…_

The little hand was nearly to the five, and then it was there, and then it was slightly above it as the big hand descended toward the six, just like it had for every other cycle. _Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six—_

There was a very strong smell of cinnamon, and lotuses hung behind it, muted by the stronger scent. Lavi knew that scent, loved it, and he needed to see it. He bypassed whoever was in his room—did that person shout, “where are you going?” Lavi couldn’t tell—and he walked out, and there, against all odds, his sun was walking toward him.

\---

_September 1, 2013—Somewhere Over the Atlantic Ocean_

“ _…and I wish Voice would shut up, and I suddenly understand what Allen is going through with the Musician. Whoever you are, it’s annoying to have something yelling at you all the time. Trust, me, I’d know._ ”

Yuu had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He had since the moment he had heard Lavi ask who he was. It was simply impossible that the man would forget, and Yuu was very afraid that someone had scrambled his brains in a blender or something similar.

The phone let out a small beep, but Yuu ignored it. “Lavi, I’m on my way back,” he said, his voice holding a worry he was vaguely ashamed of. “Don’t do anything stupid. I’ll never forgive you if you do.” He wouldn’t _what?_ Yuu berated himself in his mind. He sounded like such a fool, but Lavi was more important than his pride or self-image, so he didn’t care. Even though he didn’t like public displays of affection—if that’s what it could be called. “Lavi?” He asked. The other man hadn’t responded in a while. “Lavi? _Rabi? Baka Usagi, answer me!_ ” He didn’t realize that he’d switched back to his native tongue.

“Um, Kanda?” The Infernal Girl (who Yuu supposed he was somewhat grateful to, disgusting as that was) said tentatively.

“What?” he hissed, switching back to English.

“Uh, I think my phone’s dead. It beeped a second ago, and it’s been doing that for a while,” she said, stepping back out of reach and looking vaguely scared.

“Then use one of the phones I saw at the front of the airplane,” he ordered coldly.

The Infernal Girl twisted her hands together nervously, and she took on a sheepish look. “Well, see, here’s the thing… uh, well, I… like, don’t know Darcy’s number by heart. It’s… on my phone.”

Yuu sent her his iciest glare, and she actually flinched away from it, looking terrified. She held up her hands in surrender, and Yuu threw the phone back at her, hitting her square in the chest. Her hands came up to grab it, and Yuu contented himself to staring out the window, brooding about Lavi’s condition until they finally landed seven hours later.

The second the plane halted at the gate, Yuu ran up to Allen. “Grab my bag, _Moyashi,_ ” he grunted as he passed the white-haired boy.

“It’s Allen!” Yuu heard as he streaked off the plane. He activated his Innocence, more to make himself feel better than for any show of power, and he dashed through the airport, following the exit signs until he was out in the bright, evening sun.

“Kanda-kun!” Came a shout, and he turned around. Lenalee ran up to him, using the enhanced power of her Dark Boots to reach him quickly. “What’s wrong?” She panted as she came up next to him.

“We need a taxi,” he growled, ignoring her question. Lenalee seemed to understand that he wasn’t angry at her, and she pulled a wad of cash out of her pocket. She walked saucily up to the curb and held out her right hand. A taxi pulled up within moments. Yuu stared in disbelief. He’d been trying to get one for the past five minutes.

Lenalee talked briefly with the driver and then turned to him. “Kanda-kun, can you put your sword away?” She implored him, and Yuu sighed and obeyed. He didn’t care if he felt unprotected or worried. All that mattered was that he get to Lavi right away.

“Wait!” Screeched Amanda, and she sprinted up and took a seat next to Lenalee. Yuu stepped inside, and, making sure his jacket wouldn’t get stuck in the door, he slammed it shut. He buckled himself in and held on to the nearest surface, bracing himself for the fast ride back to Headquarters.

It was a mistake to take the lift, but Yuu knew logically that it was faster than taking the steps. Still, he was pacing like a madman the entire way, and his heart beat in absolute panic the whole time.

“Chillax, Yuu-pyon,” the Infernal Girl said, and Yuu growled at her menacingly. She made an “ _eep!”_ noise and shut up. Yuu smirked. The girl was starting to learn.

As soon as the lift stopped on the level with the Exorcists’ quarters, Yuu sprinted out, only slowing his pace once he reached his corridor. He slowed his breathing—Lavi would make fun of him if he appeared out of breath—and went to his room. Opening the door, he was unsurprised to see it inhabited, but he was surprised that Lavi wasn’t there. His heart picked up speed as icy dread spread through his system, but he clamped down on it. No, Lavi could be in his room. He slowly strode over to it, and the door opened as he approached.

Yuu immediately felt relieved. There was Lavi. He was a bit lost-looking, and he seemed to have lost a little bit of weight, and his eye patch was gone, but it was Lavi nonetheless. Yuu didn’t even realize it, but at some point, his brain had told him to walk up to the other man, and they met halfway between their rooms in a tight hug.

“Lavi,” he whispered into the other man’s ear, and the man shivered at it.

“Yuu,” Lavi said. Yuu immediately felt relief that the man recognized him. “The doctor was wrong.” Yuu was mystified, but he would ask Lavi about it the next day. He was exhausted from being awake so long—he hadn’t been able to rest at all on the airplane—and from the bags under his eyes, Lavi hadn’t been sleeping well, either.

Lavi rested his head on Yuu’s shoulder, and they both leaned against the wall, falling until they were sitting on the cold, stone floor.

“So warm now that my sun is back,” Lavi mumbled, shifting so his head was on Yuu’s shoulder. He snaked his hand into Yuu’s, and Yuu felt much warmer himself. He felt the first waves of sleep wash over him, and he felt his head lightly fall to rest on top of Lavi’s. For the first night in just about two weeks, Yuu slept without nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Darcy’s ringtone for Amanda is “Toxic” by Local H (listen to it, it’s phwoartastic—much better than Ol’ Brit-Brit’s version). So, as of next chapter, Lavi and Yuu’s breakdowns are both over! (although they will both still have lasting effects, they are essentially through the absolute worst of it, and they’ll never go back) We also have finished the set-up for the rest of the story, so now the plot movement really begins.
> 
> That said, we’ve been deciding over the past few days what songs would go to which DGM characters. So far, we’ve got Kanda’s as “Seven Things,” Darcy’s as “I’m Too Sexy,” Amanda’s as Local H’s “Toxic,” Lenalee’s as “Lift” by Poets of the Fall and Allen’s as “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes. After much deliberation, we assigned Finger Eleven’s “One thing” to Lavi. We have yet to find a good one for Miranda and Lolek, though. We’ll find them, though. Eventually.


	18. Sweet Transvestite

Chapter 16—Sweet Transvestite

__September 2, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

It was the most adorable thing Lenalee had ever seen. Her chills had gotten worse, and from the congestion and sore throat, Lenalee knew she was getting sick. She walked back from breakfast, sniffing all the while, and decided to take a small nap, hoping she’d feel better afterward. But the sight before her had stopped her in her tracks, because it was just too cute.

Lying against the wall between their rooms sat Lavi and Kanda-kun, their faces soft and relaxed in the clutches of sleep. She thought she heard a light snore emerge from Lavi’s throat, but that could have been caused by his head’s position on Kanda-kun’s shoulder, the older man’s head resting on his own. They curled against each other with Lavi nearly on Kanda-kun’s lap. By far the cutest thing, though, was their intertwined hands that sat on Lavi’s knee.

Lenalee had to prevent herself from melting at the endearing scene in front of her. She heard footsteps nearby and tore her eyes away to see who was heading toward her. It was Allen. He looked almost as bad as she did, and his nose dripped. Wiping it away with his sleeve, he caught sight of her.

“Hey, Lenalee,” he called, holding a hailing hand out. Lenalee smiled and turned her attention back to the two sleeping Exorcists; Allen’s gaze followed her own, and a mischievous grin darkened his features.

“What have we here?” He asked, his voice low and full of humor.

“Looks like Kanda-kun was more tired than he thought,” Lenalee said, grinning.

“This would be cute if they weren’t both guys,” Allen muttered, his voice back to normal.

“What are you talking about Allen? I think it’s cute to see two guys bonding as friends!” She exclaimed innocently, even though she really the true dynamic of their relationship. She kept up the innocent personality for Allen's sake and her innocence normally kept men with less than savory intentions away. The white-haired boy snorted.

“Lenalee,” Allen said in a tone that implied she had missed something very important, “they aren’t _just_ friends.”

“What do you mean, Allen?” Lenalee asked, her brow furrowing in mock curiosity.

“Don’t you remember how Lavi _kissed_ Kanda? That means a little more than friendship.”

“I thought Lavi was just joking. I mean, he’s kissed Kanda-kun before, as a joke.” Lenalee pretended to be mystified.

“This is a friendly kiss,” Allen said, leaning down and pecking her lightly on the forehead, Lenalee’s heart skipped a beat. “ _This_ is a more-than-friendly kiss.” He lightly touched his lips to hers; she felt her face burn like it was on fire. She didn’t know what to say.

“Allen…” Lenalee said softly, still in shock. “Why did you kiss me?”

Her white-haired Exorcist blushed and looked away. “I, er, well, because… you seemed to – to need a demonstration… or something,” he stammered out.

Lenalee felt disappointed.

“Oh… I see. Well, er, thanks, Allen,” she stammered back, blushing so hard that she thought her head would catch fire. “Well, er, I’m not feeling so well, so I think I’ll, erm, go back to my room. See you later, Allen…” Her voice drifted off, and she turned and walked very quickly to her room, flopping on the bed the second she reached it. She didn’t bother to get undressed.

\---

The sun was at the crux of its position in the sky above Lavi’s personal, rock-covered beach. Waves crashed peacefully nearby, and Lavi soaked in the rays with his head facing the bright heavens. His sun was there, and everything was alright again. Lavi smiled lazily and sighed happily.

The noise brought him back to the real world, though it took him a moment to resituate himself. He was on the cold, stone floor, but he was remarkably warm despite that fact. Yuu’s left hand was in his right, which put his sun in his blind spot. He couldn’t move, though, not without waking the other man. He also couldn’t move his head to gaze on the man he loved, as said man was currently using his head as a pillow. Lavi smiled, chuckling softly. It didn’t matter if he could see Yuu or not. It was simply enough to know he was there, to feel the other man’s presence next to him. He took Yuu’s other hand, which had fallen to the floor at some point, and wrapped it around his shoulder. Perhaps Yuu wouldn’t thank him later, as the man hated being touched, but Lavi needed the contact. If he couldn’t see his sun, he at least needed to feel him.

Lavi’s sun stirred, and the weight of his head stopped resting on Lavi’s. He looked up and saw the disoriented face of the man he had missed so much. Yuu looked down at Lavi and grunted. He stood up, pulling Lavi with him and, stumbling a little from what Lavi assumed were the pins and needles in his legs, led them back into his room. Lavi smelled the familiar sharp scent of cinnamon with the underlying sweet scent of lotuses, and he immediately felt at home. Yuu sat Lavi down on his bed and proceeded to throw off his Exorcist jacket and pants. He joined Lavi on the bed, clad only in a tight shirt and boxers.

In unspoken agreement, they lay down, stretching out their sore muscles. Lavi wrapped his arms tightly around Yuu’s clothed chest and nuzzled his head into the junction of Yuu’s shoulder. He felt Yuu shift so his right arm was at the back of Lavi’s head. His left arm moved around Lavi’s waist. Lavi smiled contentedly, and sleep claimed him once more.

He awoke to Yuu’s hair tickling his chest. Prying an eye open, he was surprised to find the other man leaning over him. Lavi took a deep intake of breath as Yuu took his left hand and ran it down his cheek.

“Yuu?” He asked, his voice still heavy with sleep. The other man’s eyes widened, and he pulled his hand back, turning away. “What was that?” He wondered why Yuu was acting so grossly out of character, not that he was really complaining. That caress—and that’s what it had been, somehow—had felt very good, and Lavi’s chest swelled with it.

The man looked away determinedly. “You… were whining in your sleep,” he said awkwardly.

“I was?”

“Yes, it woke me up.” Yuu shot him a glare that Lavi was sure the other man didn’t mean.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. Yuu grunted.

There was an awkward silence, the first one Lavi had ever experienced with Yuu.

Suddenly, the older man spoke. “How could you forget who I am?” He asked incredulously, and Lavi could have sworn he’d heard a note of genuine hurt in the man’s voice.

It was Lavi’s turn to look away. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he muttered under his breath, his voice muffled by the pillow he had pulled up to cover his face. Yuu grabbed the pillow roughly and threw it to the other side of the room. He looked legitimately angry.

“You had me fucking worried, _Baka!_ ” He growled loudly, taking Lavi’s chin in his hand and forcing him to look at the older man. Lavi refused to meet eyes—or eye, or whatever—with Yuu. He didn’t know how to react. Yuu growled.

“Sorry,” he whispered, and he meant it. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough, and Yuu forced his face up, his fingers like a vice. Actually, they were starting to hurt, but Lavi didn’t particularly care. Yuu was there, and that was all that mattered.

“Look me in the eye if you mean it,” Yuu yelled. Lavi’s eye widened. He hadn’t expected Yuu to raise his voice. He repeated his sentiment, this time gazing straight at the man he loved. “Now tell me what that fucking psychiatrist did to you.”

“What?” Lavi asked, shocked.

“You’re… all wrong,” Yuu said angrily, though Lavi knew the emotion wasn’t aimed at him.

“I—what?” Lavi was very confused.

Yuu sighed angrily. “You didn’t say ‘good morning,’ you haven’t jumped me—it’s like you don’t really think I’m here. You—” Yuu broke off with a frustrated scoff. Taking another breath, he continued, “you… aren’t acting like yourself. You’re not even acting like ‘Lavi.’”

Lavi thought he heard another note of real worry in Yuu’s voice.

“I… I remembered who I was,” Lavi said in a hushed tone, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

“ _Nani?_ ”

“My name was Liam, Liam Flynn—my father and mother sold me to Bookman,” Lavi explained.

“Do you want me to call you that?” Yuu asked, leaning over Lavi a bit more. Lavi unhooked his hands and brought one up to the ends of Yuu’s hair.

“No,” he said. Yuu shot him a curious look. “I’m Lavi. I haven’t been Liam since I was six. I… don’t think I could ever be him again. I’ve seen too much.” He wasn’t looking at the other man, but his hands remained steadfastly in Yuu’s hair.

“What else did the psychiatrist do to you?” Yuu asked suspiciously.

“He made Voice appear,” Lavi replied, still looking away.

“Voice?” Yuu questioned.

“He’s not one of my personas; he just showed up, and he talks to me sometimes,” Lavi explained. Yuu scowled.

Lavi didn’t want to see that look, so he tried to hide. Suddenly, he felt himself slipping… where was he going?

\---

Whining. A high-pitched keen that pulled Yuu right from the peaceful dream he was having. His eyes snapped open, and he decided to yell at whoever was whining and tell them to stop it, because it was interrupting his sleep. He felt air through the shirt on his chest and looked down. A bright shock of red hair was pillowed there, and the noise was coming from it. Yuu shifted the other Exorcist so he was lying on his back and leaned over him. Lavi’s face was screwed up in something akin to panic, and Yuu reached a hand out without meaning to, running it down the man’s cheek.

The look melted away, and as Yuu brought his hand back to stroke Lavi’s cheek again, he realized the other man’s uninjured eye was open.

“Yuu?” He said. His voice was very thick, and it snapped Yuu out of whatever spell he was under. He pulled his hand back like it had been burned and turned away. “What was that?”

Couldn’t the rabbit leave him alone? He didn’t want to be called out on caring. It was annoying. And troublesome. “You… were whining in your sleep,” he replied, looking anywhere but at Lavi.

“I was?” Lavi asked curiously, and Yuu struggled not to scoff.

“Yes,” he said. “It woke me up.” He was still angry about that.

“Sorry,” Lavi said softly, and Yuu grunted in acknowledgment. Perhaps he could forgive the idiot for waking him. They lapsed into silence, for which Yuu was thankful.

But then he realized something. Lavi was not acting right. For one, the other man was _silent_. It hung in the air around them, suffocating them both. All the while, Lavi didn’t shift from his position. Regardless of whether he was himself or “Lavi,” the other man was always moving, as if staying still would literally kill him. And that brought up another point. Just what had Lavi been thinking the night before? The more he thought of it, the angrier he got, and all of a sudden, he found himself turning back to the other man.

“How could you forget who I am?” He asked accusingly, stopping himself from pointing rudely at the redhead.

Lavi turned away, and Yuu found his curiosity piqued by such an action. Lavi—the real Lavi—was always very frank. He never looked away from Yuu, not for a second. He pulled a pillow up to cover his face, and Yuu wanted to bat it away.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lavi muttered. Yuu could barely understand him, muted as the redhead’s voice was by the pillow. Yuu shot him an angry look, wrestling the pillow from Lavi’s grip. He threw it to the other side of the room, not particularly caring where it landed.

“You had me fucking worried, _Baka!_ ” He growled, before he could stop himself, his voice too loud. He took Lavi’s chin between his thumb and forefinger and wrenched it to face him. Lavi didn’t meet his eyes, and Yuu growled. Lavi shifted uncomfortably, the first movement he’d made since he had awoken.

“Sorry,” the man whispered. Yuu sensed a note of sincerity, but he couldn’t stand Lavi not meeting his gaze. Because Lavi always looked him in the eye, always told him everything frankly and point-blank. He pulled Lavi’s face up a bit.

“Look me in the eye if you mean it!” He yelled. He hadn’t meant to raise his voice, but Lavi was just so _wrong_ that it was infuriating him. What had happened while he had been away? Thankfully, Lavi looked at him as he spoke this time, and Yuu drank in the sight of the man’s striking green eye. He had missed it, somehow. “Now tell me what that fucking psychiatrist did to you,” he ordered.

“What?” Lavi’s voice was shocked, as if he didn’t understand the conversation jump.

“You’re… all wrong,” Yuu said, and he couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice anymore.

“I—what?”

Yuu sighed in frustration. “You didn’t say ‘good morning,’” he explained, “you haven’t jumped me—it’s like you don’t really think I’m here. You—“ Yuu scoffed. He didn’t quite know how to explain it. He breathed in deeply and continued as best he could, “you… aren’t acting like yourself. You’re not even acting like ‘Lavi.’” Damn it, he sounded worried.

“I… I remembered who I was,” Lavi said quietly after a moment, and he pulled his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Yuu stared. That was a mannerism he had never seen before. Lavi had never felt the need to protect himself like that, not like Yuu had.

“ _Nani?_ ” He found himself saying, still trying to comprehend the change in Lavi’s body language.

“My name was Liam, Liam Flynn—my father and mother sold me to Bookman.” Lavi’s voice was flat, and Yuu recognized it as the voice he used to report things to his former master. He was keeping emotions at bay, then. Yuu wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or worried. “Lavi” hid his emotions, and even though something that familiar relieved him, he still wondered how broken Lavi was.

“Do you want me to call you that?” Yuu asked, and he leaned over Lavi again. Yuu was genuinely surprised when Lavi brought one of his hands up to his dark hair and started twirling it through his fingers.

“No,” he replied, almost absently. Yuu wondered why. Some of that emotion must have shown on his face, because Lavi continued. “I’m Lavi,” he said. “I haven’t been Liam since I was six. I… don’t think I could ever be him again. I’ve seen too much.”

What could that mean? Yuu wondered just what Lavi had remembered. Lavi was looking away again, and though that angered him, Yuu did nothing to fix that. Finally, he couldn’t keep the question to himself anymore.

“What else did the psychiatrist do to you?” There had to be more. Just remembering who he was wasn’t enough to break Lavi. The man was stronger than that.

“He made Voice appear,” Lavi replied quietly, and he turned his face infinitesimally farther away.

“Voice?” Yuu asked, a feeling of dread sinking into his stomach.

“He’s not one of my personas; he just showed up, and he talks to me sometimes,” Lavi explained. Yuu scowled—was Lavi crazier than he had thought?

Then Lavi’s eye shifted out of focus, and when it refocused on him, it wasn’t Lavi who was looking at him.

“Who are you?” He asked, though he already knew.

“Hmmm… you’re a right bit quicker than that other man. No wonder Lavi loves you so much,” the man who was not Lavi commented. He had a thick Irish accent, and Yuu had a bit of trouble understanding it for a moment. “I’m Liam, but you’ve probably already guessed that.” He held out his hand, and Yuu shook it, dumbfounded.

“You are… how do you exist?” He asked.

“Lavi is a multiple personality. It’s 'is own fault, too. If 'e 'adn’t 'ad Bookman take away 'is memories, and if 'e 'adn’t thrown all 'is unwanted emotions into the same corner of his mind ta forget those, too, I wouldn’t’ve existed. But I do, so there’s no use crying over spilt blood… oh, wait, the expression was ‘milk,’ wasn’t it? Oh well, it all equates to the same thing…”

Yuu stared. He didn’t know what to say.

“So, listen, Lavi’s not gonna tell you what the doctor did, so I suppose I will, so listen up carefully.”

Yuu could only nod as the strange man in front of him explained everything. The more the man said, the angrier Yuu got, and by the time the man had finished, Yuu was steaming.

“Oh, and by the way, don’t blame Lavi for the suicide attempts. Whenever 'e thought of depressing things, I tended ta get closer ta the surface. So, yeah, the suicide attempts were mine—sorry,” the man said, raising a hand in apology. “I did my best ta keep Lavi from doing anythin' while you were gone, despite my desire ta be dead.” Liam grimaced and disappeared, replaced a moment later with Lavi. Yuu felt relieved, but then he remembered that he had a psychiatrist to kill.

“Stay here, _Baka Usagi,_ I’ll be right back,” he growled, pulling on his pants and activating his Innocence as he stormed from the room. He heard footsteps behind him, and when he turned, he saw Lavi following him.

“But Yuu!” The other man shouted, a pathetic look on his face.

“Fine, whatever, you can come with me,” Yuu said. He surged onward, ignoring Lavi’s shouts, asking where they were headed.

He barged into the hospital wing without grace and grabbed the receptionist’s lapels in a tight fist, raising the lady from her chair.

“Where’s this Larry guy?” He hissed at the lady. She whimpered in fear, and Yuu was immediately annoyed. He didn’t understand how people got frightened so easily. She pointed over at an office down the hall, and Yuu set off toward it, stopping when he got to a door with a plaque that read Larry Birchwood, MD. Yuu threw the door open and pulled Mugen from its sheath, pointing the blade directly at the white-haired man’s head.

“You’re going to die for what you did to Lavi,” he yelled, lunging forward. He ignored the patient that scrambled out of his way. The man raised his hands in a calming gesture, but Yuu ignored that, too. Before he could slice the man, though, strong arms wrapped around his middle, and Lavi’s familiar scent of paper and ink wafted up to his nose. He felt a pressure on his right shoulder and noted that Lavi’s head was resting there.

“Don’t, Yuu, he’s not worth it,” Lavi said into his shoulder. His voice was very small, almost weak, broken. Which, Yuu supposed, the man currently was.

Still, Yuu allowed his Innocence to deactivate, and it became an incorporeal blue light as it shot back into his hip.

“So… wait… you’re – you’re Kanda?” The psychiatrist asked. Yuu growled.

“Yes, I am,” he said curtly. “You come near Lavi again and I _will_ kill you, regardless of his wishes.”

Larry quivered in his chair. The man nodded tremulously, and Yuu turned around to face Lavi.

“You sure?” He asked the redhead. Lavi nodded, and Yuu sighed, disappointed. “Fine, let’s go back to the room.” He grabbed Lavi’s wrist and pulled him away. Lavi followed without complaint. A minute or two later, he mentioned something about being tired, but other than that, the other man remained silent.

They sat on Yuu’s bed as soon as they got back. Lavi stretched out, pulling Yuu down with him.

“Thanks, Yuu, for defending me. But that man already got his—Voice told me.”

Yuu stiffened. He assumed that Voice was Liam, and he wasn’t sure he liked the idea of Lavi having someone else there in his head. His personas didn’t count, as they had never been real, but Liam was Lavi’s younger self, traumatized by the memories that Lavi had thrown away in order to forget, if only for a moment. Actually, many of his mannerisms and speech patterns were similar to the ones that Lavi’s real personality had, and Yuu wondered who had influenced who.

“Voice tells me he’s going away soon,” Lavi said, breaking the silence that had somehow formed. “He said he’s juxtaposing himself to me.”

Yuu looked at him questioningly. “I do not… understand,” he said, looking away at the last word. His desk was suddenly very, very interesting. Had it always had that strange knothole on that leg?

“Oh, ‘juxtaposing’ means ‘to place close together or side by side, especially for comparison or contrast.’ He means that he’s going to become part of me—part of my personality, I would assume.”

Yuu wondered how it was that Lavi knew exactly what stumped him every time. He considered himself fluent in English, and yet, he always seemed to run into words he didn’t know. It made him feel stupid, but for some reason, Lavi’s explanations never made him feel the need to defend his intelligence. Just like always, Lavi was different.

He felt his face softening and hated himself for it. But he didn’t care, because Lavi sat up a bit and fastened his lips to Yuu’s. Yuu didn’t think anymore, he simply let himself react to the feeling he hadn’t realized he had missed. When had kissing become a good thing? He didn’t care.

Lavi nibbled lightly on his bottom lip, and Yuu gasped slightly. He was a bit angry at himself for making a noise, but a moment later, it didn’t matter.

“Your mouth tastes disgusting, rabbit,” Yuu growled against Lavi’s lips, and he felt the other man smile.

“You don’t care, and you know it,” he quipped. Unfortunately, Yuu had to agree. Still, Lavi needed punishment, so Yuu decided to tug on his earring. To his surprise, Lavi let out a strangled moan. Making a curious noise, Yuu pulled on it again, and Lavi reacted in a similar fashion. Smiling deviously, Yuu leaned away and moved his lips to Lavi’s left ear, replacing his hand. Lavi’s breath grew much faster as Yuu began to suck lightly around the earring. Feeling rather daring, he ran his tongue along the lobe, and Lavi screamed.

It was really fun, actually, making Lavi react like that, and it made him feel good too, surprisingly. An ego boost, almost. The hitches in Lavi’s breath, the way he bent his head sideways to allow Yuu more access, the way he shivered and moaned when Yuu hit a particularly sensitive spot, it was all very arousing, and Yuu pressed himself closer, craving the other man’s body.

Lavi gasped and pushed Yuu away, holding him at shoulders’ length. “S-sorry, Yuu, bu… but I—I think we should… stop,” Lavi said, gasping heavily, his face flushed from exertion.

“Why?” Yuu asked, panting himself.

Lavi looked away for a second before meeting his eyes again. “Well, aren’t yo—”

The door slammed open, cutting off whatever Lavi was about to say. Yuu turned and glared at the intruder.

“S -sorry, guys, but c-could one of you g-g-get Lenalee something t-to eat?” _Moyashi_ said through chattering teeth. “I w-would, b-b-but I—oh, shit, not ag-gain.” He turned rather green and ran into Yuu’s room, reaching the open window in time to spill the contents of his stomach outside. Yuu felt his stomach flop uncomfortably as the white-haired boy retched.

“Lenalee’s sick?” Lavi asked, seeming surprised.

“Y-yeah,” _Moyashi_ said, wiping his mouth and grimacing at the taste in his mouth.

“Did you just vomit in my room, _Moyashi?_ ” Yuu asked, his tone dangerous. The white-haired boy gulped.

“It’s Allen,” he replied, his voice shaking despite his defiant look.

“You’ll be cleaning it up,” Yuu hissed, activating his Innocence with just a thought. He began to unsheathe it, but _Moyashi_ turned back to the window sill and leaned out again, heaving.

“I could’ve done it on the floor, you know,” he said shakily as he wiped his mouth again. His face was paler than usual and covered in sweat. From the way he was shivering, Yuu suspected a high fever, and as much as he pretended to hate the boy, he didn’t want the idiot to be sick.

“Get out of my room and get some sleep,” he ordered, scowling, “I’ll get Lenalee something to eat.”

_Moyashi_ nodded and left. Yuu sighed and walked over to Lenalee’s room. Once again, he heard Lavi following him, but he ignored it. The stupid rabbit could follow him if he wanted to.

He knocked politely on Lenalee’s door before entering. Her face was flushed with fever, and she had a white cloth on her forehead. Yuu walked quietly over to her, as she seemed to be sleeping, but as he reached her bedside, she looked up and smiled at him.

“Hi, Kanda-kun,” she said, trying to sound cheerful and failing. Yuu checked the cloth on her forehead and found it to be warm and nearly dry. He took it from her face and tossed it into her clothes hamper in the corner.

“ _Moyashi_ said you needed something to eat,” he said gruffly, turning away and searching her drawers for another washcloth.

“I’m not that hungry,” Lenalee replied, and Yuu grunted. A moment later, he found what he was looking for, and he pushed her drawers shut.

“Can you wait a few hours?” He asked, and she nodded. “I’ll be back in a moment.” He excused himself from the room and walked the short distance to the men’s bathroom. He put the washcloth under cold water and then returned to Lenalee’s quarters, placing the cloth on her head. She smiled up at him and closed her eyes.

“That feels good,” she said. Yuu looked down at her. Lenalee had been his first and only friend at the Order, and he was not ashamed to admit that to himself. At some point, Lavi had wormed his way into Yuu’s life, but before that, the only people Yuu had trusted were Lenalee, Marie, and Tiedoll. It had been a striking blow when the latter two had died.

He took the lift down to the gardens. Grabbing a basket, he searched the plants until he found several carrots, onions, scallions, and celery. He took a couple other plants, and he was especially pleased when he found some thyme. He smirked to himself and loaded everything in the basket. He took the lift back up, Lavi following him like some lost little puppy—or bunny, as it were.

Yuu walked into the dining hall and barged into the kitchen.

“Get out,” he said firmly to the chef.

“What?” The chef asked. He had a knife in his hand. It was halfway through a raw chicken’s leg.

“Get out, and give me that chicken,” Yuu ordered.

“I’m making your lunch—” the chef started.

“I don’t care,” Yuu said, dropping the basket on a counter and walking over to the bewildered-looking chef. He grabbed him by his collar and pulled him out of the room. “Come back in three hours. The people can wait until then. They can handle a little starvation.” He locked the door and turned to Lavi.

“I assume you know where all the large pots are?” He asked, and Lavi nodded, going into a large cupboard and pulling out exactly what Yuu was looking for. Yuu nodded curtly in thanks and placed the pan on the low stove. He heard something scraping against the ground and saw Lavi pulling up a small step-stool. Yuu grunted and stepped up onto it. As much as it hurt his pride to have to use it, he was now able to see into the pot easier. “Get me some oil,” he ordered, stepping off the stool once he was sure the pot was clean. He went back to his basket of vegetables and walked over to the sink to wash them off.

Lavi trotted back a good minute or two later with a large bottle of oil in his hands. Yuu gestured for him to put it on the counter. “Cutting board,” he muttered, and Lavi ran off again. As he finished his task, he took the dripping vegetables to the counter. Lavi pointed to the drawer with the knives, and Yuu spent a minute looking through them, testing their sharpness and assessing which ones to use before selecting a few. He found an interesting device that looked like it would skin things, so he took that, too.

The skinner worked very well on the carrots, Yuu decided as he ran it over the orange vegetables. He had always hated it when he cut too much off, and this seemed to fix the problem. He gave the first skinned one to Lavi, who ate it.

“ _Baka Usagi,_ ” he growled, and Lavi had the gall to smile guiltily. “I gave that to you to put back on the counter, but apparently, you are more of an idiot than I had previously thought.” Lavi’s face dropped into an almost comical pout, and the man finished his carrot sulkily.

“You’re mean, Yuu,” he said sadly. Yuu scoffed and handed him another carrot, and this time, Lavi placed it on the counter. It struck Yuu that Lavi seemed much more like normal, if a bit like his last persona.

When he finished preparing the ingredients, he tossed them into the simmering oil at the bottom of the pan and began to sautée them. After a while, he sat back and waited for the broth to cook. The entire time, Lavi looked at him in wonder.

Eventually, he found some flour and eggs, and he scoured the kitchen until he had all the ingredients with which to make homemade noodles. Scraping the fat from the top of the broth, he put everything—including the noodles—back into the pot, and he turned the heat up again. He waited a few minutes as everything cooked, and then he told Lavi to get him some bowls. His stomach was beginning to growl, and from Lavi’s longing looks, he assumed the other man was getting hungry, too.

He poured three bowls, one for himself, one for Lenalee, and one for Lavi. He loaded them on a tray. “Carry the pot, Lavi,” he said, turning back to look at the redhead. Lavi nodded and grabbed the pot.

“OW!” He shouted, pulling his hands back. Yuu snickered to himself.

“ _Baaaka_ ,” he said. “Use pot holders.” Well, perhaps Lavi wasn’t quite back to normal yet.

He waited until Lavi had the large pot before he left, heading toward Lenalee’s room. He set the tray there and then nodded to Lavi to follow him. He barged into _Moyashi’s_ room, nearly knocking the door down.

“Can you keep anything down, _Moyashi?_ ” He asked loudly, interrupting the white-haired Exorcist’s nap. The boy woke with a jolt and a yelp.

“Eh?” He asked, and Yuu motioned for Lavi to put the pot on the floor. He handed _Moyashi_ a ladle and a large spoon.

“Eat up,” he said, and he left the room to return to Lenalee’s. When he got there, she was smiling at him again.

“Kanda-kun!” She said cheerfully, but she started to cough a moment later, and a little drip of snot ran from her nose. She hastily grabbed a tissue and wiped it away. He nodded at her and took Lavi’s and his bowls from the tray before placing it on her lap.

“ _Dozo,_ ” he said, handing her a spoon. Lenalee looked grateful.

“Oh, wow, Kanda-kun, this is delicious!” She exclaimed, smiling up at him. Yuu felt the tips of his mouth turn up and clamped down on the expression. He didn’t smile, dammit. He turned to Lavi, who was giving him a strange look.

“What?” He asked, annoyed.

“Nothin’,” Lavi said vaguely, and he pulled his bowl toward him ravenously. “HOLY SHIT!” He shouted after his first bite. “Where did you learn to cook, Yuu-chan?”

Lenalee choked on a noodle. “Kanda-kun _cooked_ this?” She asked incredulously.

“Yeah, I watched him do the whole thing. He didn’t even measure anything out—it was like watching an artist paint a masterpiece, or something. And trust me, I’ve seen several of those being made,” Lavi replied enthusiastically, taking another few bites.

Despite everything, it felt good to be complimented. Yuu hated himself for allowing himself to feel this, but apparently, he couldn’t help it anymore, and he’d just have to deal with it. He scowled at nothing.

“So where _didja_ learn to cook, Yuu?” Lavi asked again, staring deep into Yuu’s eyes.

“My mother,” Yuu grunted, looking away and blushing. Why the hell was he blushing? All Lavi had done was look at him, for God’s sake!

“Wow, she must’ve been one helluva cook!” Lavi exclaimed, and Lenalee laughed.

Lavi and Lenalee chatted pleasantly over their late lunch, and Yuu listened as he ate. Every once in a while, Lavi would incorporate Yuu into the conversation, but he tried to get out of it as quickly as possible.

“Thanks for the soup and company,” Lenalee said, sniffling, as the two of them left.

“No problem,” Lavi said, waving. “I always love the company of a pretty girl!” Yuu’s stomach twinged at that, but he ignored it. Lavi was just being a stupid flirt as always.

“Of course,” Lavi added softly as they walked back to the kitchen to drop off the dishes, “I love sitting down to eat with you.” He walked ahead before Yuu could react. Yuu still wasn’t sure if Lavi was back to normal, but he was acting a lot more like himself than he had been earlier.

The chef was angry at them, but Yuu didn’t care. He felt his afternoon had been well-spent. He had even been nice enough to donate his soup to the black hole of _Moyashi’s_ stomach. Yuu was surprised the boy had been able to expel anything at all, what with how much food he went through. Still, it was miserable to be sick and have to take care of yourself—Yuu knew that feeling intimately—so he would spare a little kindness for the idiot boy.

As they left the cafeteria, Yuu heard the chef berating a boy for having a Koala in the dining hall. He mentioned something about it being a dirty animal, and Yuu was very satisfied when he heard a resounding screech and the screams of pain from the chef as the door shut behind them. His lips did that strange turn-up thing again, and Yuu tried to force it down, but it wouldn’t budge.

Yuu froze mid-step as he felt a hand slide into his, but after a moment, he recovered and kept walking. His stomach made that annoying cramping feeling again. They walked quietly back to the room—well, he walked back quietly; Lavi was chattering the entire way. Yuu took comfort in that. Yes, Lavi was back to normal now. He had a few slips into “Lavi,” but he otherwise seemed to be himself. Or something very, very similar. And Yuu would have to be content with that for now. He tightened his hand around Lavi’s, very glad for the other man’s presence.

As they rounded the corner to the Exorcists’ hallway, Lavi pulled on Yuu’s hand, turning him until they were facing each other. He leaned down—Yuu was still angry that Lavi was taller—and brought his face very close.

“Thanks so much for the soup, Yuu,” he said, “it was delicious.” And then he closed the gap between them in a searing kiss that made Yuu’s knees go weak. Lavi’s other hand went around his waist, pulling him closer, and Yuu responded by taking his free hand and running it through Lavi’s hair. The other man breathed in deeply, and Yuu felt Lavi’s tongue asking for admittance, which he allowed immediately.

Yuu felt a whistle of wind in his ear for a moment, and suddenly his back was against the wall, and Lavi had his wrists pinned. Their tongues twirled together in an intoxicating dance, and Yuu felt his body react rather strongly. One of Lavi’s hands left his wrist and went to his waistline. Yuu gulped and shivered at the touch. It was a good shiver. Lavi pulled his hand back, and Yuu reached out and placed it where it had been a moment before.

“Good,” he said, panting, before he let Lavi continue having his way with his mouth. Lavi seemed to understand, and he began to move his hand under Yuu’s shirt, tentatively running it up toward his chest. Yuu hissed in a breath of pleasure and brought his now free hand to Lavi’s left ear. He had rather enjoyed driving Lavi crazy, and just toying with the earring had the other man gasping.

As Lavi’s hand brushed lightly over a nipple, Yuu gasped. There was a strange squeak from below him, and Yuu froze as Lavi did the same. As one, they looked down. There was a young girl there; Yuu estimated her age to be around eleven or twelve. She was dressed in an Exorcist jacket and a tasteless jean skirt that went far too high to be allowed. Her hair was pulled back in dirty blond pigtails. The hairbands shone in the light—they were simultaneously fluffy and sparkly, and they were a bright, lurid pink. Yuu felt bile threaten to rise in his throat.

“Hmmm…” She said in an annoying, high-pitched voice.

“ _What_?” He asked sharply, glaring down at her.

“I’m just lookin’ for boobs. You’re not very well-endowed, are you?” She asked, staring blatantly at his chest.

Yuu punched her. “We’re both guys, you little fucker!”

“Now, Yuu,” Lavi said cautiously, grabbing Yuu’s fisted hands in his own, “that was rude. Let her be, she’s only a—”

Yuu didn’t find out what she was, because pain shot abruptly through his leg, and he screamed out. He heard footsteps as he fell to the ground, clutching his leg. When he looked up, unintentional tears of pain swimming in his eyes, the girl was gone. Gazing at his pant leg, he found a suspiciously-shaped hole in it. Lavi gasped as Yuu rolled up one of the legs. Yuu’s entire calf was dripping with blood.

“Fuck, I’m going to get rabies,” Yuu hissed, wiping away some of the coppery-smelling liquid.

“Relax, Yuu, I’m sure you’re body can handle a little annoying-girl-poisoning,” Lavi said brightly, though his face was worried.

Looking down at his wound again, Yuu was surprised to note that the sting of bleeding had not diminished. Blood was still waterfalling down his leg, and he hissed as he put pressure on it. “Why hasn’t it started to heal yet?” He bit out.

Lavi clapped his hands together. “Oh, Yuu, speaking of healing, you lost two and a half petals on your lotus flower. I’m sorry, I only just remembered.”

Yuu froze, and his hands dropped from his blood-slicked leg. “ _Nani?_ ” He asked, too shocked to speak a coherent word in English.

“Yeah. That’s why I actually thought you weren’t there anymore. The doc wouldn’ta had me convinced, ‘cept I was in your room during that session, and he said you were gone just as two petals fell, one after the other. Then, a few hours later, a third petal started to wilt, but it only got halfway.”

Yuu stared at him, completely shocked. Then, standing up—he hissed in pain—he sprinted back to their room, ignoring the limp that got progressively better the longer he ran. By the time he reached the room, the bleeding had stopped, and his leg wasn’t nearly as sore, but he wasn’t paying attention to that. He reached for the hourglass on his bedside table. Sure enough, there were now eight of the thirteen petals on the bottom, and while the flower looked decidedly more wilted, half of another petal was completely _shriveled_. Yuu recounted the events of the past week. It had to have been when he had broken his spine or when he had been hit with the Akuma spike. And he remembered the doctors saying something about him getting a light concussion when his head hit the ground, but that had been mostly gone by the time he had woken up a few hours later.

Lavi looked at Yuu, mirroring his horror-struck expression. “Why is it losing so many petals?” Yuu asked quietly. “I only got hit by an Akuma spike. Normally, a bullet barely does a thing. I did break my spine, but that should have been nothing…. So why…?” Yuu’s voice drifted off, and he stared desperately at his lotus flower, as if it would give him an answer.

He felt Lavi’s arms encircle him, and despite everything, he felt a bit better for it. “Don’t die, Yuu-chan,” Lavi whispered, and he sounded dangerously close to tears. “I can’t live if you don’t.”

“I’m not going to die, _Baka Usagi,_ ” Yuu said loudly, using his usual gruff tone. “I’ve still got four and a half petals left. That’s plenty to get me through the rest of this war. _Moyashi_ will do his stupid hero thing, and then we’ll fight some Akuma, and then it’ll all be over. I’m not going to die from some stupid war like this.”

He only wished he believed himself.

\---

They didn’t hold hands, nor did they have their arms around each other, but they walked closely, and no one could deny that they were irrevocably _together._ Lavi felt the deep, healing connection with the other man, and it pierced him right down to his soul. He wondered vaguely if Yuu felt the same, but from the way the man had almost killed the psychiatrist, Lavi had to come to the conclusion that the Japanese man did. The bond they shared surpassed their minds and spirits—Lavi wondered if that was what it meant to be soul mates. He stopped his thoughts abruptly. What the fuck? What kind of sap was he? Shaking his head, he made an effort to forget the thought and continued walking with Yuu to the Order’s cafeteria.

It was late for dinner, almost ten o’clock, but they had just started to get hungry. Hoping the chef was still there or that they could filch something from the kitchen, they walked onward, passing the few remaining people in the hallways.

As they entered the kitchen, Lavi smelled the strong scents of seasonings cooking and assumed that the kitchen was, indeed, still open. Grabbing Yuu’s wrist, he pulled him over to the service window.

“Sure you don’t want to cook for me, Yuu-chan?” He asked the Japanese man. Yuu’s face remained stony.

“No,” he said curtly, “I do _not_ want to cook for you.”

Lavi had been surprised at how much Yuu seemed to be saying today, but he rather enjoyed it. It seemed the other man had a distinctive personality once Lavi had gotten under all the layers of protection. He wondered what he’d find once he surpassed them all.

“Lavi!” A voice called, and he recognized it at once as Emiko’s.

“Emiko-kun!” He shouted, turning. Emiko and an Indian boy next to her froze.

“How did you—?” The Indian boy started, but he cut himself off when Emiko shot him a sharp look.

“Well, it’s really obvious, innit, Emiko-ku—OW! Yuu, what was that for?” His head pounded. Yuu had whapped him very, _very_ hard.

“Don’t be insulting,” he said coldly. He turned back to the window and ordered his food from the chef, who made it for him with a grudging expression on his face.

“But Yuu!” Lavi protested. “I wasn’t. I mean, Emiko’s Adam’s App—OW!” Lavi felt something sharp rap him on the head. He fell to the ground, and when he looked up, he saw a green-glowing, gray set of nunchucks held in Emiko’s iron grip. She leaned down to him, looked him in the eye, and whispered,

“How did you know?”

“Well, like I was about to say,” Lavi whispered back, “you’ve got a rather prominent Adam’s Apple. And the way you hold yourself, it’s a bit too stocky. Plus, you’re flat, and you have absolutely no curves. It’s not that hard, if you really look. You _do_ look excellent in drag, though, if I do say so myself.”

Emiko looked simultaneously mollified and frustratedly angry. All Lavi could do was chuckle lightly as he ordered his own food. Yuu scowled at him as they sat down with the other two Exorcists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Bet you didn’t see that coming, did you? :P Also, apologies for the slight OOC-ness of Lavi _and_ Kanda, but, well… Lavi is still a bit insane, though he will gradually return to normal now that Kanda is back. And Kanda—well, he’s still really worried about Lavi, and he’s starting to show a bit of his real self as well. It just goes to show how much he loves (though he still won’t admit it) Lavi that he is willing to open up a bit. Also, Allen and Lenalee somehow got a bit of action! And Allen’s totally beating himself up about it now. It’s actually quite funny. As for the definition of juxtaposition, that totally comes from our number one friend, ! :D


	19. Want You Bad

Chapter 17—Want You Bad

__September 12, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

Allen pounded for the twentieth time on BaKanda’s door. “Come on, guys, we have to go!” He shouted. He’d been standing outside the door for nearly fifteen minutes now, and he still hadn’t gotten an answer. He knew they were in there, though, just ignoring him as usual. They were probably doing something perverted. Ever since they’d kissed in front of everyone, Allen had had no illusions about what there were doing with each other. After all, he’d been Cross’s apprentice.

“Oi! _Moyashi_ , we’ve been looking for you for a half hour. Get your ass up to the Director’s office,” Kanda shouted from down the hall, and Allen looked over, surprised. Kanda and Lavi were both approaching him, the former looking nearly incensed and grabbing Mugen’s activated hilt.

“I was sent to look for you—where were you guys?” Allen asked plaintively as they reached their door.

“Looking for you, retard,” Kanda replied angrily.

“It’s Allen,” he said grumpily. By unspoken consent, the three of them walked up to the Director’s office, Kanda leading and Lavi at his right side. Staying behind them wasn’t a bad thing, though. It was actually rather amusing. Every few seconds, their hands would brush, and they’d jump apart as if burned. Or one time, Lavi tripped, and Kanda grabbed his shoulder to catch him. Unfortunately, Kanda had underestimated the redheaded Exorcist’s weight, and they’d both tumbled to the floor. Kanda landed on top of Lavi, their faces nearly touching. He saw their eyes go ridiculously soft, and Lavi was about to lift his head up when Allen snorted. It was just too funny.

“What happened to that meeting?” He asked nastily, kicking Kanda as he passed the two of them. He took point after that, cackling to himself every few minutes.

\---

They walked into the Director’s room, and Allen once again felt a light pang in his heart at Komui’s missing presence. Somehow, he had come to love the man like a brother, and his absence tore at him whenever he was reminded of it.

“So we’re finally going out?” He asked. Kanda growled behind him.

“We would have left earlier if you hadn’t been sick, _Moyashi._ ”

“He has a point, you know,” the Director said quietly, and Allen saw Kanda smirk in slight amusement.

The other Generals had all left, Lenalee included. On the third of September, she was well enough to leave, although she was still sick with a cold. She had taken Miranda, Lolek, Darcy, and Amanda with her. Allen couldn’t help but feel very lonely without her comforting, solid presence at his side. He berated himself for thinking that. He needed to stop being a lovestruck fool. He was the Destroyer of Time, and ironically, he didn’t have time for that.

A week later, Generals Cyrah and Tamas had left, taking with them the majority of the Exorcists. Just two days prior, General Tuan was finally well enough to move about, and he would be taking his leave of headquarters in a week or two. Allen had a sinking feeling it was time for him and his group to be on their way. He looked around the room for any other companions and saw a blond boy with hazel eyes sitting in a chair next to the Director’s desk. He was holding something gray and fuzzy, though Allen couldn’t tell exactly what it was.

“That’s everyone, then,” the Director said, and Allen took a seat on the couch. He looked over at the boy and took a double-take.

“Is that a koala?” He asked incredulously. The gray, fuzzy thing yawned widely and turned to stare at him. It bit the boy’s hand and jumped lightly onto the couch next to the chair. It walked over to Allen and nuzzled his lap.

“Oi! Siegfried, that hurt, mate!” The boy yelled, looking scandalized at his koala’s apparent betrayal. It made a snorting noise on Allen’s lap and curled up tightly, falling asleep. Allen stared down at the ball of fur and began to pet it for lack of anything better.

“Well,” Lavi said, taking a seat next to Allen and pulling Kanda down next to him, “this is awkward.”

“Speak for yourself, mate, that’s my Innocence!” The boy exclaimed.

“Your Innocence doesn’t seem to like you very much,” Lavi shot back, sticking his tongue out playfully. Kanda whapped him over the head.

“Well, seeing as you’re all finally gathered here, why we don’t discuss your mission,” the Director said, interrupting the proceedings before Lavi started pouting loudly. “You’ll be going after the Earl.”

Allen gawked, unable to say anything.

“Wait, we know where he is?” The boy with the koala asked.

The Director paused and then looked dejected. “Well, no…” His face lit up again, and he added, “but that’s where _you_ come in! Allen, you’re our most powerful Exorcist, and Kanda and Lavi are our numbers three and four, respectively. Justin, you’re here because Siegfried bit General Kabbah, and she didn’t want you. That, and Michel didn’t want to go without Hok’ee. Logistically, I would have liked to have had Lenalee with you, but she rather forcefully insisted that she lead the group looking for Artemis.” The Director shuddered, tenderly rubbing his arm, and Allen got a very good idea of what he meant by “forceful.”

“So we are finding and destroying the Earl?” Kanda questioned, sounding skeptical.

“Well, not in so many words, but yes.”

Kanda snorted. “We’re dead,” he muttered.

“Yuu, be more optimistic!” Lavi scolded, though he, too, looked worried.

“Why? We’re going to die,” Kanda insisted, staring point-blank at the Director.

“Well, you would call in the other Exorcists should you actually find the Earl,” the Director said, backtracking.

“And how would we get them to our location?” Allen asked, now skeptical himself.

“You control the Ark, do you not?” The Director asked, and Allen paled. He didn’t like using the Ark, even when it was needed. Even if the Musician wasn’t supposed to be bothering him anymore, using anything so obscenely _Noah_ gave him the shivers, and it reminded him of how untrusting and corrupt the Order could be.

“Where are we going anyway?” The boy, Justin, asked.

“Well, you’ll have Finders and Military personnel with you,” The Director said, not answering the question.

“So? Where in the bloody hell will we be?” Allen asked, becoming quite annoyed at the evasiveness of the new Director.

“Well, you’ll be living in the Ark… Uhhh yeah, we don’t really know… but whenever the Finders discover a possible location, you’ll be sent there.”

“You have to be kidding me,” Justin said disbelievingly.

“Then, can’t we just… stay here?” Allen asked, scratching his head and dislodging Timcanpy. Tim fluttered around his head and scratched at him in annoyance.

“It’s not so much a matter of traveling as it is a matter of, ahem, _housing,_ ” Director Williams said, and Allen shot him a questioning glance.

“Explain,” he said.

“Well, you’ll be assigned a sixty-person regiment from the Coalition, and you’ll have at least that number of Finders, half of whom will be out on the field, doing the actual searching. We don’t have enough space for them here in the Order, so it would be best if you could house them in the Ark. As for you Exorcists, if you’d prefer to sleep here, then you may do so, though the orders will be going straight to the Ark, so it may not be particularly _wise_ ,” the Lieutenant General added. Allen nodded.

“All right, then, we’ll move our things to the Ark. Is there anything else we need to know, or should we leave?”

“You can go ahead and leave, all four of you, and I’ll have Major Andrews and his officers come see you in the Science Department as soon as possible.”

Allen nodded in sharp understanding. As one, the Exorcists got up to leave, and Allen handed the ball of gray fluff back to the Australian boy. They headed down to the Ark.

\---

Sometimes Yuu really hated his life.

It wasn’t the usual type of hate, though—that horrid self-loathing spawned from years of intense, soul-rending abuse. It was something entirely different, something so foreign that it took Yuu several days to understand it completely. He was glad to be alive; his near-death experience had taught him that much. He no longer craved death like it was a numbing drug that would erase him like chalk from a slate. He had no illusions about the reason for the change—somehow, that stupid, disgusting, piece-of-shit rabbit had burrowed its way into his heart, and it was now hibernating there. Permanently. He also had no illusions about the fact that he liked it. And perhaps that was the most infuriating feeling of them all.

Because he hated Lavi. He hated his stupid red hair that stood out at every angle in the mornings. He hated the way Lavi slurred all his words together, even when he wasn’t using his former persona. He hated the way the other man chewed with his mouth open, how he talked with food in his mouth. He hated how Lavi always knew everything about him, no matter how much Yuu tried to hide it. He hated how the redhead was so _touchy_ , how he had come to crave the other man’s touches, regardless. He hated how Lavi knew exactly what to do to make him want more. He hated Lavi’s piercing voice, how it hit him right in the depths of his soul. He hated how he could never quite figure Lavi out. And perhaps the most frustrating of them all, Yuu hated that Lavi was a full seven centimeters taller than him. Even worse, though, was Lavi’s stupid-ass, wide, and obviously fake smile. He couldn’t see how other people didn’t notice Lavi’s insincerity.

But he also loved Lavi. He loved that stupid hair, that stupid, impossibly green eye that always saw through him. He loved how the man smelled—ink and paper, and if Yuu sniffed really hard, he could catch the barest hints of something subtle and woody. He loved how the other man held him in just the right way, how he knew almost instinctively what reminded Yuu of his father or of what he had suffered. He loved how he avoided things when Yuu didn’t want to talk about them. He loved how Lavi knew when to push it and make him talk, even if he didn’t want to. He loved Lavi’s sheer intelligence, even if it was kilometers higher than his own. He loved how the man knew how to make him feel good, seemingly without any effort, and he loved how Lavi knew exactly what to say to make him feel better. Most of all, though, he loved Lavi’s real smiles. They were small, but they held a well of emotion and caring that nearly melted him—not that Yuu melted.

Yes, Yuu loved Lavi, there was no denying that. And that was why he hated his life. Well, maybe not exactly. He hated his life the most because all these thoughts stayed fixed in his mind, jammed in place and unmovable, as if someone had shackled them there eternally. They were only words, only feelings, but Yuu could not allow himself to say them. They were to be left unuttered until the lotus of his life crumbled in its decomposition.

Worse even than the unspoken words were the unsatisfied feelings that hadn’t left him all month, growing like a roaring fire until Yuu felt like he was going to burn from its sheer force. It never stopped, only grew and grew, with Lavi acting as the bellows, exacerbating the problem until Yuu could barely breathe for the sheer heat. It had started as a small flame, but with each waking day and each restful night, it flared and sparked.

Had it started on the third? Yes, it had. He and Lavi were in the library—Lavi was getting books, as usual (the man went through them faster than _Moyashi_ went through food). Yuu didn’t know what they were about, nor did he care. He just didn’t want to be left alone in that stuffy room that still smelled of _Moyashi’s_ regurgitations. Having the window open didn’t help. It only augmented the stench of _Moyashi’s_ stomach. He looked down at Lavi’s pile absently and picked up the topmost book with practiced disinterest.

“What is this shit?” He asked, staring at the book in revulsion.

“Oh, Amanda recommended it—she said it gave a scarily accurate view into the female psyche… but not in those words. What she actually said was—”

“—I don’t care what she said it was. This is a waste of trees.” Yuu scowled at the book as if that would make it disappear.

“Amanda recommended _Lord of the Rings,_ and you read it—even liked it, from that cute little face you made when you finished it,” Lavi commented as Yuu flipped disgustedly through the book he was holding.

“Your point?” He asked, closing the book and resisting the urge to burn it in the nearby fireplace. Surely, he could get Lavi to aim a fire seal his way, and then he could…

“Your scheming face is really adorable, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said quietly, and he pushed Yuu lightly back into the shelf, holding him there gently in his paradoxically firm grip.

Yuu froze, unready for the close, intimate contact that followed. Lavi hesitated, but Yuu forced himself to relax, because he _liked_ when Lavi touched him like this, and he was rewarded with the soft pressure of Lavi’s lips caressing his own. Yuu sighed against them and parted his lips infinitesimally. Lavi smiled against his mouth, and suddenly the pressure was gone. He shivered as he felt Lavi’s breath on his ear and again as he felt Lavi’s lips touching the junction of his jaw and neck, just below his earlobe. Yuu cracked an eye open and was shocked at how _red_ the man’s hair was. It was blinding, almost, so he shut his eye again, and then Lavi trailed his lips down Yuu’s neck. His breath hitched as Lavi hit the base of his throat. He felt Lavi bite down in a light nip, but it was exactly over that one horrible, nearly invisible scar that his father had left there. Yuu felt paralyzed as he took a trip back to the past…

_Teeth scraped against bone, gnawing, cannibalistic teeth that hurt and grated and eroded and—_

And Lavi was gone, backed up against the opposite shelf a few meters away, looking horrified. An arm was over his mouth, and only the wideness of his eye showed Yuu the panicked expression. It faded a moment later, replaced with something dull and fake, and Yuu wanted to slice it down the middle, to bring back Lavi’s real emotions.

“I—I have to go,” Lavi choked out in a strangled voice. He turned tail and half-ran from the room. Yuu heard the hastily shouted “bathroom” that Lavi sent back toward him, though he knew the rabbit wouldn’t actually be there. He collapsed to the ground, back still against the bookshelf, and wondered just what the hell had happened.

It had only gotten worse after that. Lavi just wouldn’t _touch_ him, not like Yuu wanted—not like Yuu craved. It was getting to the point that Yuu wanted to just let go of all attachment and dispense with the man altogether. But he knew he couldn’t survive it. It was as if something had _broken_ between the two of them that day in the library, and Yuu wanted it mended. Now.

As one, the four Exorcists walked into _Moyashi’s_ stupid little Ark, and Yuu forced himself to pay attention to the present situation. They treaded down the familiar cobbled city, its whitewashed stone and clear, cloudless sky too silent, too still, to put Yuu at ease. Lavi strolled behind him, chattering as usual. For some reason, though, there was a desperate undertone to Lavi’s voice that Yuu could not understand, and whenever he looked back at the man, he saw something strange in his face.

\---

Lavi looked back at Yuu’s stoic face. From his eyes, though, Lavi could tell that the Japanese man was curious, extraordinarily so. He didn’t understand how other people couldn’t see it, how other people failed to read the man. It was so easy—all it took was one long look into Yuu’s eyes, those two now-sparkling, black eyes with immeasurable depths.

But no matter how good Lavi was at reading Yuu’s eyes, he couldn’t understand the man’s physical cues. He knew almost instinctively when Yuu’s abrupt lack of motion meant he was simply reacting out of habit. He just wished he knew when he was throwing Yuu back into memories. He knew something was wrong when Yuu stopped moving, but he never knew if Yuu wanted more or less, and it was driving him insane.

Lavi was frustrated. Not mentally—well, yes, mentally, but he was getting over that—but physically. In particular, he was _sexually_ frustrated, but he didn’t know to approach the subject to Yuu, because honestly, it would be a miracle if Yuu wanted him in that way in the first place. Lavi was completely, one hundred percent sure that that first night, the night that Yuu had explained everything to him, had been a fluke. Yuu had needed something to wake him up, and Lavi had provided it. There was nothing more to it than that, even if deep in Lavi’s heart, he wished there was.

There had been a time on the eighth when Yuu had walked up to him. Lavi nearly choked as the other man kissed him lightly, chastely, on the cheek. As Yuu pulled back, his face was burning, but there was satisfaction in his expression. It had been the first contact that Yuu had truly initiated on the kissing front, and since—and Lavi was starting to suspect that this was what had emboldened the other man—there was no one else nearby, Lavi couldn’t help but tilt his head down.

Yuu got the hint, and their lips softly touched in a kiss too sweet for Lavi to describe in words. No language could describe it. Not even music. It was much like the kiss Yuu had given him the morning of the twenty-second of August, except that it did not feel testing. This time it was more… _searching._ Lavi couldn’t exactly place the difference, but it was there.

There were no tongues, there was no touching, and their mouths stayed closed, but Lavi had never felt more satisfied. Which brought him back to his current problem. Nearly everything Yuu did _turned Lavi on_ , and he could do _nothing_ to _stop it._

Much as he didn’t want to, though, Lavi held back. He didn’t want to pressure Yuu into doing something that would irrevocably damage him. Yuu’s pain was an anathema to him, and he would do anything to avoid it. He knew what it was like to watch Yuu suffer, especially from the trauma of rape, and Lavi vowed that he would never, ever force himself on his… whatever Yuu was. Yuu should never have to suffer that again, ever.

Still, it was slowly driving him crazy. Yuu was not the most experienced in physical matters (though Lavi more than made up for that, and Yuu was a quick learner), but sometimes Lavi would do something that would just make him seize up and stop responding for a moment. It was at those times that the redhead pulled back, making a hasty retreat. And it was starting to drive him crazy.

Lavi didn’t pay attention to the present. He ignored the game of war between the boy Exorcist and Allen (naturally, the latter won). He ignored the strange, questioning looks Yuu was giving him. All he could do was sit with his legs crossed, hoping no one would notice just how bad his situation had gotten.

A long-haired man entered the Ark’s main plaza only a few moments after them, and when Allen turned around, his eyes widened in understanding.

“Major Andrews, I assume?” He asked, sounding nearly pompous. The effect would have worked had he not been so scrawny. The man saluted Allen, who followed suit awkwardly.

“Yes, sir, Major Ulysses Andrews reporting, sir,” the man barked out, staring straight at Allen, his hand still up in its salute.

“Er, at ease,” Allen muttered, blushing a little. To himself, he added, “God, I’m still not used to being all important.” He scratched at his chin in wonder.

“ _Urusei, Moyashi_ ,” Yuu growled, activating Mugen and holding its hilt for added effect.

“That’s insubordination, BaKanda,” Allen said, trying and failing to look imperious. “I am the General of the Army of the Coalition Forces of the Earth—bow down, lowly Major General!” He pointed a mocking finger at Yuu, and Lavi could tell it was all the black-haired man could do to prevent himself from cutting it off in spite.

“Yuu’s a Major General?” Lavi asked, now genuinely interested.

“Oh, yeah,” Allen replied brightly, “it was something decided at the UN conference. All the Exorcists who haven’t yet hit Critical are Colonels, and any Exorcist who has hit Single or Double Critical is a Major General. I differ from this, because I am the Destroy of Time, and thus, awesome.” Allen struck a pose, and Lavi felt Yuu move from his position twenty-one centimeters to his left. He had his weapon poking right at the edge of Allen’s back a moment later, and Lavi had to chuckle at Yuu’s short temper.

Allen clucked. “Insubordination, Kanda, insubordination.”

“I’ll give you insubordination, _Moyashi_ ,” Yuu hissed menacingly.

“It’s General of the Army Walker to you, Major General BaKanda.”

“If you expect me to call a retard like you by that ridiculous title, then you’re more mentally challenged than I thought,” Yuu hissed, poking his blade into the younger boy’s back enough to make him arch away from it. Lavi sighed and smiled. The angry sparks going between the two brought back old times. No, they weren’t happier times, but Lavi still looked on them nostalgically. Things had been simpler in those days. Everything was simpler when he didn’t feel. Looking again at Yuu, though, Lavi knew he would never regret the change in his mentality. Yuu was worth whatever crazy, unbalancing emotions that tumbled through Lavi’s mind.

The Major cleared his throat, interrupting the small tiff between the young Exorcists, and when Allen turned his attention back to the tall, bulky man, his General mask was firm on his face. “I have the rest of the soldiers waiting outside. We need to talk over how they will be split up among the four of you. They are also poorly trained, if they are at all. For all I know, some of them might not even speak English—”

“—I’ll take that group,” Lavi interrupted, raising a hand.

The Major looked at him doubtingly but nodded sharply and continued. “They are not battle-ready, but they shall have to suffice. We will train them for this particular mission, of course. The soldiers will also be needing housing here, so if you could give them quarters, I’d appreciate it.”

Allen nodded in understanding. “Alright,” he said. “Bring them in. Just give me a moment to create the rooms for them. Have them all gather in the Main Plaza, and we’ll get them all settled in. Also, have them split up into groups of fifteen. Lavi gets the ones who can’t speak English, Kanda gets the least experienced in fighting, Justin gets the most experienced—sorry, kid, but you’re a brand-new Exorcist, you don’t know enough—and Major, you’ll help him, and I’ll get the remaining group.” With that, Allen walked over to a wall, which opened into the Musician’s room.

“Okay, Sebastian,” Lavi heard the white-haired Army General say. “Help me make some rooms.”

Lavi heard the unmistakable sound of a finely-tuned upright piano being played, and a moment later, the Main Plaza opened up as new buildings sprung, fully-formed, from the ground. Then, the youngest General appeared through a different part of the wall, and he looked pleased with himself.

Several minutes later, the soldiers marched in, heads held up nervously but with pride. Lavi scanned them all over with his all-seeing eye. His heart sank. Most of them seemed to be around his age or younger.

“Tristram, James?” The youngest Exorcist of their group asked disbelievingly. Two of the soldiers broke rank, looking at Justin as if they’d seen a ghost.

“Justin?” They asked, jaws dropping.

“What’re you doin’ here?” Justin asked. “I thought you’d all be in college by now.”

“Too expensive,” one of the soldiers grimaced.

“My birthday came up too soon,” the other one said, looking depressed. A horrified look crossed Allen’s face, and within a moment, he was next to the three youths, clutching the arm of the boy who had just spoken.

“What do you mean, ‘it came up too soon?’” Allen asked, his voice low and dangerous. His grip tightened, and Lavi saw the other boy pale in pain.

“Well, sir, they draw birthdays to decide who’s going to go… can you let go, sir? You’re hurting me.”

Allen’s grip tightened further, and the boy’s eyes bugged out. There was a flash as Allen’s Innocence activated, quite on its own.

“Sir! You’re hurting me! Please let go!” The boy yelled, looking terrified. Lavi realized Allen was in a fury so deep that he was in danger of taking it out on the nearest thing. It wouldn’t do to scare the soldiers in such a way. Since his little problem was quite gone due to the commotion, Lavi uncrossed his legs and stood up, striding quickly over to Allen and carefully prying his fingers from the young soldier’s arm.

“Allen, there’s nothing you can do,” Lavi said softly in what he knew was a calming voice. He was a superb actor, after all. Not that he was acting.

The other Exorcist looked at him with steely gray eyes that swam with unshed tears—whether of anger or sorrow, Lavi did not know. The blind rage on his face, the knowledge that he could not save others his age from almost certain death, delayed his judgment, and Allen hauled back and punched Lavi in the jaw.

Someone’s hand caught Allen’s wrist as he pulled back for another blow, tears now flowing freely down his face. He was sobbing, Lavi noted as he waited for Allen to pull roughly away and hit him again.

“ _Moyashi,_ ” Yuu’s steely voice said from above, “calm down, or I will disembowel you.” His Innocence shone a dangerous blue, completing the threat. Allen struggled against Yuu’s firm grasp, clawing at the air with his free left arm. His agonized voice cut through the air.

“Too young!” He wailed. “You all are too young! You’re all going to die!” He pounded at the ground, dislodging a surprising amount of rock, and Lavi moved forward to embrace the younger Exorcist.

“It’s okay, Allen,” he whispered, staring helplessly up at Yuu.

“It’s not okay,” Allen cried, his voice muffled by Lavi’s jacket. “We’re supposed to be protecting people like this!”

Pushing abruptly away from Lavi (for which he was thankful), Allen stood up and brushed his dusty pants off. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he stalked off, muttering, “I need a drink.” Lavi watched him open a door, and he smelled the distinctive odor of a pub before Allen slammed the door behind him. Lavi heard it lock with a _click!_

For a long while, there was silence. Lavi stared at the door. Since when did Allen drink? He detested it more than anything else. Perhaps he would go gambling instead. Lavi sincerely hoped so. He didn’t think Allen could hold his liquor very well, and an Exorcist could never afford to be drunk, especially now.

Clapping his hands together, he looked over at Yuu, who scowled back. It wasn’t a true scowl—in his eyes, Yuu was blatantly curious as to what had just happened, what they were supposed to do. Perhaps there was even a small tinge of worry for Allen in them, but Lavi was probably imagining that.

“So, you’re all here to be grouped off. There’ll be four squads. Yuu—okay, fine, _Kanda’s_ —group will meet in the eastern corner, mine will meet in the west. Those in Allen’s squad’ll meet in the north, and Justin, you take yours in the southernmost corner. Come on, now! Split up!” Lavi shouted.

The soldiers dispersed, obviously having already been placed into their groups of fifteen, just as Lavi had expected. Lavi walked up to the Major and gave him a salute. “Well done, Major, in getting them separated. I’ll take it from here until Allen gets back. Until then, go help Justin with his group. Just do basic arms training. I’m sure you’ve got plenty.” The Major nodded. “Good, go get them, bring them back here, and we’ll commence.”

As the Major ran off to grab the different weapons the soldiers would be using, Lavi strolled over to his group. Just like everyone else, they were from all different corners of the globe. Lavi clapped his hands and stood in front of them. He scanned each of their faces carefully and then smirked.

“So how many of you can actually speak English but thought you’d get out of the war if you pretended you didn’t?” Lavi asked. Nearly all of them looked flustered. These were no soldiers, they were just boys, and Lavi couldn’t blame them. “Well, I’m sorry to say this, but you’re stuck here, so those of you who can actually speak English, do it. I don’t give a shit about your personal thoughts. I’ve seen too much fucking war, especially this one, and I can tell you now that most—if not all—of you will not come out of this alive. So I have a few pointers for you: one, you protect the civilians as best you can. If you can get a shot at an Akuma, sure, go ahead, it’s one less for us to kill, but otherwise, just keep the civilians alive. Two, don’t _ever_ accept anything the Earl offers you. If one of your buddies dies, and you want them back in the land of the living, don’t even _think_ of turning him into an Akuma, ‘cause he sure as hell won’t thank you, and we won’t, either. That Akuma could evolve until it’s too powerful for us to defeat, or it could be the difference between us surviving and us getting maimed or turned to ash. And three, stay low and stay together. You can protect each other easier in numbers.”

They all looked stoned by Lavi’s speech, but two looked genuinely confused. Remembering them as two who had not looked flustered at his earlier question, he took them to the side. Judging from the flags denoting their countries on their uniforms, Lavi was quickly able to identify their languages and repeat the same speech. They nodded, and Lavi told them that he’d teach them enough English until they could understand their comrades somewhat. The rest, should they survive long enough, they would have to learn on their own.

It was almost pitiful, really, the hopelessness of the entire situation. Still, it was Lavi’s duty to train these soldiers, and he would. He glanced over at Yuu, and feeling warmer, he began to explain the basics of how to defend against Akuma. He explained how to use the Finders’ entrapment devices, and once the weapons came, Lavi caught the explanation from the Major and repeated it to the scared-looking boys in front of him.

\---

He was surrounded by idiots. These stupid boys couldn’t even be called soldiers.

“I know that stupid _Moyashi_ gave me the most inexperienced of the lot, but this doesn’t explain how none of you know how to hold a weapon. Were you even trained?” Yuu had meant the question to be rhetorical, but half the group shook their heads. Yuu sighed in frustration.

“The rest of you—how long were you trained for?”

“Two weeks,” said a sandy-haired idiot.

“One week,” said a second, dark-haired idiot.

“I had a month,” a third idiot piped up.

“ _Che,_ ” Yuu scoffed. He was in for a very long day. “I know nothing of your modern weapons, so I’ll have the Major work with you on those later. For now… drop to the ground. I want you all on your hands and knees!” He pointed to the cobblestoned street for emphasis. The soldiers blinked. “Don’t,” he added icily, “make me repeat it again.” They all dropped simultaneously.

“This is a push up,” Yuu explained, doing a quick demonstration. The idiots sniggered. “If you think you know how to do it, then let me see them.” Needless to say, each soldier failed Yuu’s test, and he spent a good amount of time fixing their body positions. “I want you each to do five sets of ten of these a day.”

The soldiers groaned. “So many!” One complained. Yuu stared frostily at him.

“I do them one-handed,” he said in a low, dangerous voice. The boy shut up. “Three hundred—per arm.” The boy gaped. Yuu ignored him and moved on to demonstrate several other exercises, and the soldiers complained louder with each one. Yuu worked them until they could barely stand, at which time the Ark’s sun was setting in the west.

As he dismissed the soldiers, he looked each of them in the eye and added, “Good. Maybe if you can do these all properly, you’ll last a little longer.” Then, turning swiftly, he walked over to Lavi’s corner. The redheaded Exorcist was sitting on the steps of a white building, gazing out at the entire plaza. As he approached, he noted Lavi’s unfocused eye.

“ _Che. Baka Usagi,_ ” he muttered. Only Lavi would fall asleep with his eye open. He sat next to the man, probably too close, but Yuu didn’t care. The day had been mentally tiring, and _Moyashi_ still hadn’t returned. His group had been dispersed amongst the others when they had realized their leader was not coming back, and while they had been more competent than the idiots Yuu had worked with all day, they were still hopelessly under trained.

He didn’t feel himself leave consciousness behind, but when he woke up, the ground was moving beneath him. He saw the dark, moonlit cobblestones pass with each slow step of—wait, what? The arm around his legs felt very sturdy, and Yuu could place it immediately as Lavi’s. He relaxed and let the cobblestones move on and on until they were inside a room. There was a large, king-sized bed inside it, and Lavi placed him on it. The redhead groaned and stretched his arms and back with a plaintive expression on his face.

“Jesus, Yuu, you’re like a sack o’ potatoes when you’re asleep,” he complained, sitting down on the bed himself. Lavi quickly divested himself of his shirt, and moonlight crossed his back, illuminating it. Yuu had never before seen it, not like this. He could clearly see the lines of muscles rippling as Lavi moved. Each shadow and highlight looked like something out of a painting, excepting the very noticeable scar of a bullet hole near Lavi’s left shoulder blade. Suddenly, Yuu was possessed with the urge to touch it, to see if it was real, if Lavi himself was real. Even though he wasn’t stupid and knew that already. Still, he lifted his hand out and placed it lightly over the long-healed wound. Lavi jumped a little at the touch. Yuu saw goosebumps go up the other man’s arms.

“I was seven when that happened,” Lavi said absently, no longer moving. Yuu moved his hand up to the top of the other man’s shoulder and sat up until he was directly behind Lavi. “I was on a battlefield, helping Bookman record for the eighth time, and it just went through me. It blew me into a nearby explosion, and a piece of shrapnel hit me in the eye. Bookman was terrified I was gonna die, that he was gonna need a new apprentice. I was a lucky bastard, though. The bullet missed everything vital, and they didn’t even need to take my eye out. It healed over time, but my vision never did.”

“Eye patch,” Yuu murmured, and Lavi nodded.

“Yeah, and I hated it, but I couldn’t let my eye get infected…” His voice trailed off, and Yuu frowned. Lavi shifted backward and grabbed Yuu’s hand, pulling at it until Yuu was leaning against the other man’s back.

\---

The touch of Yuu’s open jacket against his back felt insanely good, but that was probably because pretty much anything that had to do with the other man set him off lately. He had had to consciously _not look_ at Yuu while he had demonstrated each exercise earlier that day. The proficiency and perfection with which Yuu moved reminded Lavi of the many days he had looked in on the other man as he trained. Seeing the almost elegant way with which the man ran through exercise after exercise with sword, staff, weights, and body was nearly enough to completely entrance Lavi. Even the boys had noticed how distracted Lavi could get when staring at the Japanese man. They had given him strange looks, and while he hadn’t cared, he didn’t want to lose the fragile respect they had given him.

Still, he didn’t think he could hold back much longer. His back was on fire, and it had everything to do with the sun that was attached to it. His hand burned, too, so he gripped Yuu’s even tighter.

“I love you,” he whispered. Yuu tentatively shifted his weight, and Lavi felt a hand on his other shoulder. Lavi grabbed that, too. The heat grew—Lavi was being cooked. Yuu would have rabbit for dinner. Which reminded Lavi that they hadn’t had anything to eat.

“Are you hung—”

_Yuu’s chin is on my shoulder,_ Lavi realized. He turned his neck to face the other man somewhat. A low snore flew from Yuu’s mouth and hit Lavi’s face. Lavi bit back a chuckle, though he could not hide his amused smile. _Only Yuu would fall asleep after a heartfelt confession of love._ Vaguely, Lavi wondered if the other man had even been awake for that.

He lay the other man out properly, kissed him lightly on the lips, and snuggled into the other man’s shoulder. He felt arms encircle his waist, but soon after, the day took its toll on him, and he was falling… asleep…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The book that Amanda recommended for Lavi was actually Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging (and series). Em2 loves those books—probably too much. Don’t have anything else to say. Oh, and by the way, chapter 18 will be epically smexy—if you catch our drift (which we think you do) *wink wink nudge nudge*. Epic, we say. As soon as we fix it to make it better. Okiessss off to dinnerrrrrr!


	20. Seven Continent Army

Chapter 18—Seven Continent Army

__September 3, 2013—The United States of America

As one, the Exorcists disembarked from the airplane. Lenalee did a quick headcount. Her group of eighty soldiers had made the flight without incident, and the Finders would meet them once they got to the North American Branch, where they would be staying for a few days. Lenalee hated each day without Artemis—it felt like she wasn’t helping, and even though she knew there was nothing she could do until the Finders had a lead, she still felt useless.

Amanda stood at her right side, hand-in-hand with Darcy. Lenalee tried not to be envious. She missed Allen, even though she had seen him just a few hours before. She fingered her shiny new phone—the Order had provided it—and resisted the urge to call her favorite Exorcist. He was still sick, and she just couldn’t bother him.

“General Lee,” someone greeted her, and as she turned, she recognized the face of Major Polsky, who she had met that morning.

“Hello, Major,” she said politely, offering him a tired, weary smile. She simply didn’t have the energy for anything else. She wouldn’t, not until Artemis was back at home, safe.

“We are glad to be working with you,” he said quickly, “The vans are waiting at the entrance for you, this way, please.” He gestured for her to follow. They exited the terminal and made their way through the crowded lobby; immediately, Lenalee was on guard. She saw movement in the corner of her eye and was able to kick away an Akuma bullet whistling straight toward the back of the Major’s head.

“Amanda, get everyone out of here!” Lenalee shouted as she ran toward the lone Level One Akuma, which was distracted by the sudden movement of the soldiers behind her. A streak of light flew past her, and the Akuma exploded. Turning quickly, she saw Miranda a few feet away, her Time Record glowing. Scanning the suddenly silent lobby, she saw no more Akuma and relaxed her position, staying alert. She noticed the soldiers hastily putting away their Anti-Akuma guns; they were all glancing around nervously.

“Where there’s one Akuma, there’ll be more,” Lenalee said grimly. “Get to the vans, and I’ll make sure it’s safe. Darcy, Amanda, go with the soldiers. Miranda, you too. Lolek, you’re with me.”

Lolek gave her a shadow of a smile as he came up to her side, surveying the staring crowd. They all _appeared_ human, but years as an Exorcist had drilled an exacting paranoia into Lenalee’s mind. She knew the signs to look for: overly still, seeming to _know_ who they were, sometimes a little twitch here or there as they resisted the urge to give up their cover, a tiny smile that could only be predatory—kind of like that little girl over there. Lenalee didn’t wait for the girl to change, just ran over to her at top speed. She was already shedding her skin as Lenalee reached the opposite end of the terminal three seconds later, sending her flying with a kick to the stomach.

The crowd gasped, probably at her seeming cruelty, but just as the little girl exploded, several more Level Ones erupted from their human skins. Lenalee nodded grimly at Lolek and jumped high. She ran on the air with her newfound Double Critical ability, and when she was directly overtop one of the Akuma, she allowed herself to plummet through it. The explosion that followed singed the ends of her hair, but she ignored it, already turning to her next target.

Lolek moved around her like a dance partner, and they twirled, flipped, and lunged by in precise patterns. Lenalee liked working with Lolek. He understood how she moved, and he was able to orient himself around her, becoming something akin to a deadly appendage. The only other person who could do that this proficiently was Allen.

Their eyes met as she did a back flip, soaring away from an exploding Akuma, and Lolek nodded. She flew into his arm and used it like a springboard to change her direction. Lolek swung his arm forward, and she launched off his gauntlet at a speed she could never achieve on her own. She slammed a kick through the last Akuma and landed nimbly on the ground. She looked at the crowd. There were a few piles of ash on the ground, and everyone else stared, glassy-eyed, at the two Exorcists. Lenalee searched for twitches, little signs of Akuma, but there were none. She turned to Lolek and nodded. He was not stupid enough to deactivate his Innocence, but he relaxed nonetheless.

“Let’s go, Lenalee,” he said, and Lenalee, too, relaxed. They walked from the terminal, Lenalee just ahead of Lolek, and reached the vans relatively quickly. From the looks of things, there had been Akuma here, too, but from the flushed looks on the other three Exorcists’ faces, they had taken care of things.

“How many?” Lenalee asked, coming up to Amanda. She looked crestfallen.

“We lost three of them,” she said, staring down at the asphalt road with a deflated look. Lenalee put a supporting hand on the other girl’s shoulder.

“It’s okay,” she said bracingly, “there was nothing you could do.”

Amanda sniffed. “I should have protected them better.”

“You did your best,” Lenalee said, but Amanda shook her head, a few tears falling down her cheeks. Lenalee looked imploringly over at Darcy, and the man encircled his girlfriend in his arms.

“How many casualties were there on your side?” Darcy asked quietly, and Lenalee felt her own tears fall.

A van screeched to a halt next to them, and a darkened window rolled open. Several very young soldiers glared at Darcy. “You made General Lee cry!” They hissed accusingly, and the ginger man gulped.

Lenalee walked up to the window, smiling sadly. “I don’t want you all to die,” she said quietly, forlornly. “I wish I could protect you.”

The soldiers’ faces grew very emotional, and if Lenalee looked hard enough, she would probably see tears swimming in their eyes, too. They smiled overly brightly, trying to look cheerful. “Don’t worry about us, General Lee, we’ll be just fine, you’ll see.”

As the window rolled up and the van drove off, Lenalee could only shake her head in sorrow. Those soldiers, those poor young soldiers. They didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. They didn’t realize how few of them would return. The truth of their situation struck Lenalee through the heart like one of Artemis’s arrows.

The Exorcists boarded the last van and drove away to the North American Branch of the Dark Order.

\---

_September 6, 2013—The Dark Order, North American Branch_

Lenalee hadn’t realized how hopelessly useless she would be. The only thing the Exorcists and soldiers could do was go out and defeat nearby Akuma as they waited for the Finders to pick up on any possible leads.

“General Lee?” A boy-faced soldier asked, approaching her nervously. Lenalee turned from the window to face him.

“Yes?” She asked, pasting a smile on her face.

“U-u-um… this c-came in the mail today,” he stammered. Lenalee took his offered postcard and looked at it curiously. On the front was a picture of two tiny kittens in a basket, the first licking the second. Lenalee smiled—perhaps Allen had sent her something? She turned it over and gasped at the dirty blonde hair taped above the recipient’s address like a stamp. Bile rose in her throat as she recognized the shriveled, flesh-colored thing attached to the hair. Dreading the message, Lenalee read the letter quickly.

_Miss Lee,_

_Artemis misses you and Miss Colten so. In fact, she screams your names every night. She seems to be convinced that you’ll actually find her, but of course, we all know that’s impossible. I have to say, I enjoy her company very much; she’s very spirited. I know you must miss her, too, so I’ve sent along a lock of her hair for you to remember her by. We send our warmest regards._

_Best Wishes,_

_Chaz_

Lenalee clamped down on the horror rising in her throat. Her knees gave in, and strong arms caught her before she hit the ground. Tears leaked once more from her eyes, falling like twin rivers onto the stone floor. Not wanting anyone to see her cry again, she dropped the postcard and brought her hands to cover her face. The boyish soldier held her gently, pulling her so she was crying on his shoulder.

“So useless,” she wailed, and the soldier rubbed little circles on her back.

“At least she’s not dead,” the soldier said quietly after some time. Lenalee looked up hopelessly into his eyes.

“What makes you say that?” She whispered, her voice cracking.

“If she were dead, he wouldn’t be using the present tense,” the soldier replied, “and he probably wouldn’t have only sent hair.” He let the rest be implied, and Lenalee nodded in reluctant agreement. She stood up on shaking legs, taking the postcard in her shaking hands.

“Thank you,” she said, and, taking a deep breath, she went to find Amanda. She fervently hoped Darcy was with the other girl.

As she approached Amanda’s rooms, she heard yells and groans and grimaced. She didn’t want to, but she’d have to interrupt. Amanda wouldn’t thank her for withholding anything. Knocking loudly on the door, she said vociferously, “Amanda, sorry to interrupt, but I have news.”

There was a clanging sound and a great rustling, and a few minutes later, Amanda appeared at the door, wearing only Darcy’s clasped-up Exorcist jacket. It hung on her like an elephant’s skin, only black. She looked flushed, and her hair was a mess.

“News?” She asked, her eyes shining with hope. Lenalee’s face dropped, and she handed the other girl the grotesque postcard.

“Don’t look on the front,” she muttered, more to herself than to Amanda, but of course the other girl did. Then she saw the hair and read the accompanying message. A scream of rage echoed down the hallway. A very naked Darcy streaked out and came up behind Amanda, looking concerned. Lenalee averted her eyes, blushing. She no longer wondered if ginger men were ginger… everywhere.

“What is it, Amanda?” He murmured in the other girl’s ear, and Amanda’s legs gave in just as Lenalee’s had earlier.

Amanda didn’t leave her room for the rest of the week.

Which was probably a good thing, in Lenalee’s opinion, because three days later, another message appeared, and it was worse than the first.

It came in a small, padded manila envelope. Inside was a small, diamond vial. It was maybe six centimeters tall and a half a centimeter wide. It contained a good amount of a dark red liquid that Lenalee knew at once was blood. With a chilling sense of dread, Lenalee pulled out the message. It was written in the same, scrawling script as before, only it was now on a thick, yellow paper.

_My Dearest Miss Lee,_

_I was dreadfully disappointed not to get a response from you. That aside, Artemis is especially depressed. Still, she can be awfully feisty, especially when I hold her. Do you know, I don’t think she likes me. She’s tried to leave me twice already. I haven’t a clue why. Anyway, I know Artemis would simply love to hear from you, so do respond as soon as possible. I have stationed an Akuma near the North American Branch, so all you need to do is leave your letter on the stoop, and Artemis will receive it within hours._

_Hope to hear from you soon,_

_Chaz_

Lenalee shared neither the blood nor the message with Amanda. When Darcy had left to grab some food, Lenalee had told him, and they both agreed it was best that she not know.

Sobbing, Lenalee found a group of soldiers and ran drills with them until she collapsed in bed, unable to stay awake any longer. The next morning, she penned a small reply. _I will kill you_ , she wrote, and that was all that needed to be said.

Two days later, a third message arrived, and it was perhaps the most grotesque of them all.

It came in a medium-sized box. A letter was attached to the outside, and Lenalee opened it first. Naturally, it was bloodstained. The box smelled rank, and Lenalee had a sinking feeling as to what was in it.

_Miss Lee,_

_I am sorry to be so curt with you, but I’m afraid your response rather upset me. It seemed to hearten our dear Artemis, though, and she tried to leave me again. Fortunately, I took measures to stop that. Don’t be offended, though. Artemis really liked the gift. She was very sad to part with it, actually. But take heart—she loves the sound of jazz over the bayou in the morning._

_Deepest Regards,_

_Chaz_

With shaking fingers, Lenalee opened the box and subsequently vomited. The smell of rotting flesh enveloped her, and it was all she could do to breathe at all. The “gift,” as he had called it, was a severed foot, cut off in the middle of the shin, nestled in the tattered remains of an Exorcist jacket.

\---

_September 11, 2013—The Dark Order, North American Branch_

Lenalee received a call mere hours after the package had arrived. The Finders reported the Noah’s presence in New Orleans.

“I swear it was ‘im, walkin’ like ‘e owned the place down Bourbon Street,” the Finder on the phone insisted. “’E ‘ad a girl wif ‘im—dark, Mediterranean, maybe, and she ‘ad blonde ‘air.”

“We’ll take the next flight down. We’ll get her back,” Lenalee said determinedly as she flipped her phone shut. Quickly, she ran down the halls, gathering the troops to the cafeteria. When she reached Amanda’s door, she knocked loudly.

“We know where she may be!” She shouted, and the door opened a moment later. Amanda looked distinctly tearful, but that hopeful gleam was back in her eyes, and Lenalee knew she would fight very hard to get her friend back.

The next morning, they took a flight to New Orleans, and when they got to Bourbon Street, Lenalee raised her hand to halt the troops following behind her. A great, burning mass of Finders was in the middle of the road.

“It’s a trap,” she said matter-of-factly. She was about to order a retreat when she saw the girl on top of the pyre. She was dark-skinned and had dirty blonde hair. From the distance, Lenalee could only think that the girl looked like Artemis. “But we’re going to save her,” she added. Activating her Innocence, she led the troops in.

A stray bullet came flying as the Mediterranean girl stood up, and Lenalee felt fear clench in her gut as she realized the girl had _two_ legs. Turning on her heel, she screamed “ _RUN!!!_ ” But of course, it was too late.

They were surrounded by Level Threes and Fours. Lenalee knew this would not be a battle; it would be a massacre.

\---

_September 12, 2013—Coach & Horses Pub, Brentford End, London_

“I’ll get an ale,” Allen said. The bartender nodded and turned to get it for him, but then Allen decided that it was best not to be drunk alone. “Actually, I’ll have an apple juice instead.”

“Sure, just a mo’,” the bartender said. He returned a minute later with a medium-sized glass of juice. Allen stared at it sullenly.

“Your girl leave ya?” The bartender asked.

Allen snorted humorlessly. “More like she doesn’t realize my feelings—not that I blame her.”

“Well, that’s no way to woo a lady,” the bartender said, cracking a grin. “You gotta sweep ‘em off their feet, be all romantic-like.”

“I can’t,” Allen said, staring down at his juice. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Well, hurtin’s what love’s all about,” the man said. “It’s the good times you have between the hurtin’ that makes it worthwhile.”

Allen nodded soberly. He couldn’t disagree. “It’s not that kind of hurting, though. When I die, she’ll be destroyed. I’ve seen friends go catatonic when they thought the one they loved died, and I know she’ll do the same.”

“You act like dyin’ is somethin’ your destined to do, boy,” the bartender said, now looking a bit concerned.

“Well, when you’re the Destroyer of Time, you kind of expect it,” Allen replied, finally taking a sip. The bartender looked confused.

“Destroyer o’ what?”

“Nothing,” Allen said quietly. “I just can’t make her go through the pain of losing someone so dear again. She’s already thought I was dead before, and that turned out to be a huge mess.” Allen shuddered and took a long draft. The man scratched his head.

“You lost me there, boy,” he admitted.

“It’s to be expected. No one remembers Exorcists anymore, even as I wear my uniform proudly.” Allen sighed. “I just didn’t expect so many people to be dying with us,” he added morosely.

“Why all the talk o’ death?” The man asked.

“Well, isn’t that what war’s all about?” Allen asked rhetorically.

“Oh, you talkin’ ‘bout that crazy war them politicals are draftin’ people for?” The man asked, comprehension finally dawning in his eyes.

“Yes, and I’m the leader of the entire damn thing,” Allen murmured into his glass. The bartender laughed.

“You? You’re just a boy! Don’t kid me like that.”

“Age doesn’t matter in this war. There are many younger than me who are fighting. The fucking draft they instated may require people to be eighteen, but I’ve been fighting since I was fifteen, and most of my friends started younger than that. They don’t know any other life.” Allen laughed bitterly and downed the rest of his glass.

“Want another?” The bartender asked, and Allen shook his head.

“No,” he said.

“Why such talk o’ dyin’, though, boy?” The man asked, continuing their conversation.

“All the soldiers were drafted. They didn’t have a choice to join this war, and they’re all going to die. They have no motivation, and the forces we go against won’t hold back just because they’re defenseless. They’ll all be torn apart. They may have better weapons than we had years ago, but they still won’t survive this. They should at least get to choose if they want to be sent to die or not. No, we didn’t have a choice, but it’s either fight or let the entire Earth perish. Which would you choose?” He met the bartender’s eyes briefly and then stared down at the bottom of his empty glass.

A group of large men walked in, and Allen saw them sit down at a poker table.

“Excuse me,” he said to the bartender. Walking over, he added to the group of men, “might I join you, gentlemen?”

One of the men, one sporting a bandana and looking rather seedy, snorted. “Poker table’s no place for children.”

“I’m not a child,” Allen said softly. “Give me a round, and I’ll show you.”

“We don’t cheat children, boy. Scram.”

Allen’s eyes flashed. “If any of you can beat me, I’ll buy a round of a drink of your choice.” He saw the men’s eyes glitter to life at the thought of free booze. Really, it was too easy. He sat down, and the cards were dealt.

Ten minutes later, Allen had a large pile of winnings in front of him, but the men wouldn’t give up. The door clacked open once more, and a distinguished-looking man walked in. Sitting down, he raised his hand, and the bartender sidled over.

“’Ey, Marty, ‘aven’t seen you ‘round ‘ere in a while. What you doin’ back ‘ere in ol’ Britain?” He asked as the man was dealt chips. Obviously he, like the group of men, was a regular here.

“I’m here on business, as usual. I had to stop in, of course. I could never miss a chance to come here. Best food in all of England. Best beer, too.”

The bartender glowed under the praise. “The usual, then?” He asked.

“Naturally,” the man answered. As the bartender walked off, he turned to Allen. “New here, eh? Hey, Randy, why’d you let a kid join in? He does know—”

Allen grinned as the man’s eyes widened at the sight of his large pile of chips. “How about we spice the game up, gentlemen? Why don’t we add in something of monetary value?” The men paled but agreed, and three hours later, they were all stripped bare. The game was now between Allen and the stately Marty.

“All right, Marty,” Allen said, his eyes glinting. “You look like a proper business owner. You’ve already let me lay hands on most of your traveling checks, but I think we need to step up our game again. Do you have anything of interest to gamble?”

Marty was remarkably good at poker. Allen knew for a fact that the other man was cheating, and that just made it more fun. He hadn’t lost a round yet, but the man always gave him a run for his money, so to speak. He had a feeling that they would become good friends.

“My casino, then,” the man said. He looked determined to win, and Allen couldn’t wait to prove him wrong.

“Alright,” he agreed. “I’ll give you this solid gold golem,” he said. Not that Timcanpy was solid gold. Or would actually stay with the man. After Cross had died, Timcanpy had stayed resolutely at Allen’s side, and he had never left. He’d even been encased in Allen’s Innocence during the final battle. Allen knew Tim got mad when he was gambled, but he also knew that Tim would always come back to him. Another thing he knew for certain was that he would never lose.

And he didn’t.

“Well, Marty, I think it’s time I buy you a drink or two. Don’t worry, you can still run your casino. Sometime in the future, if I live, I’ll be back, so don’t lose it. I’ve never been to a casino before, but I’m very eager to have that particular experience,” he said as he folded a faxed copy of the deed in the pocket of his General’s jacket. “It’s really been a pleasure meet—”

Timcanpy started ringing. Looking surprised, Allen attached him to his cell phone. “Hello?” He said.

“ _Allen!_ ”

There was no denying that desperate call.

“Lenalee!” He yelled into the phone, not caring that everyone turned to stare at him.

“ _Allen! Ark—ARGH!—Bourbon Street—NO!—New Orleans—NOW!_ ” She yelled, and from the background noise, Allen knew she was in a large-scale fight. The line went dead, and Allen fervently hoped she had dropped her phone or hung up.

“I’ll be right there,” he said to no one. “ _Sebastian!_ ”

He felt his skin darken as the Musician took over, connecting to the Ark. Not that Allen needed him to do it, but since the Musician was no longer bothering his thoughts, Allen figured he needed some sort of relief.

A door opened in the middle of the pub, and Allen threw a wad of cash at the bartender. “Keep the change,” he said. He stepped through into the Ark, running to the next room and opening another portal immediately.

When he stepped out, he was in the middle of a fierce battle-turned-slaughter. Lenalee was fighting at least twenty Level Ones, and the other Exorcists were no less outnumbered. Allen saw ashes covering the cobbled streets.

“Lenalee!” He shouted. She turned toward him for a second before refocusing on the Akuma.

“ _GET INTO THE ARK!_ ” She ordered whoever was left alive. They all scrambled and fought their way toward it, and as soon as everyone was in, Allen stepped inside with Lenalee and closed the portal.

Panting heavily from the abrupt panic, he grabbed Lenalee’s shaking shoulders. “What was that?” He asked.

Lenalee looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Her breathing was ragged, and she was very battered. A quick scan of the other Exorcists showed them in the same condition. There were only six soldiers left. Allen remembered Lenalee had left with eighty.

“Artemis,” Lenalee said in a quiet, broken voice. “She wasn’t… there.”

Allen pulled her tightly to his chest, and she sobbed into his Exorcist jacket, great, wrenching sobs that belied none of her sorrow. He held her steadily, not moving until much later, after her tears had stopped.

“Let’s go out into the Main Plaza,” he whispered into Lenalee’s ear. “We need to let the others know about this.” She nodded and allowed him to lead her out into the dark square.

A scream erupted from behind him, and he saw Amanda run out into the flatly shining moonlight. She crashed into the wall of the nearest building. Her voice became positively screeching as she pounded her fists to express her agony. Just seconds later, blood stained the white stone like great streaks on a canvas, and Allen thought it was a sign of the day, of what had happened. He would never clean it. It was the monument of the horrors of this war.

Darcy came up behind Amanda and grabbed her wrists, stilling them. She collapsed to the ground, and Darcy lifted her up, carrying her shaking body through the plaza and into another room. Allen recognized it as one of the empty soldier dorms. Quickly accessing the Ark’s piano room, he stepped into it, Lenalee at his side, and created a few new rooms around the plaza for the newest arrivals. Stepping back out, he was surprised to see Lavi and Kanda standing in the square, looking curious.

“What’s going on, _Moyashi?_ ” Kanda asked angrily.

“Lenalee’s group was ambushed,” he answered grimly, pulling Lenalee closer as she made a small sobbing noise.

“Where are the rest of the soldiers?” Lavi said, looking around. From the set of his face, it seemed that he already knew. Lenalee wailed in guilt.

“Dead!” She cried. Lavi nodded dourly and pulled Kanda back into their room. Obviously, he didn’t want to intrude.

“Let’s get some sleep, Lenalee,” Allen said quietly. She didn’t respond, but he took her back to his own room anyway. She needed comfort, and Allen would be there to give it.

\---

Lavi seethed. If steam could legitimately spew out of his head, his ears would be screeching louder than a teakettle. He fought the urge to yell out in frustration. Bringing his hands to his head, he gripped his hair, pulling at it to keep himself from doing anything regrettable. Lavi suddenly got the urge to punch something, and he ripped his hands from his head—something snapped—and pounded them angrily into the wall. There was a swishing sound, and Yuu was beside him, looking angry himself. Still, there was something in his eyes, and as Lavi looked, he noted a hint of worry in the other man’s gaze.

“Seventy-four,” he raged, pounding his fists again. Yuu grabbed his hands just as Lavi had seen Darcy do for Amanda. Instead of carrying him away, though, Yuu held Lavi’s hands firmly in his own, refusing to let Lavi hit anything.

“ _Seventy-four_ ,” he hissed, shaking now that he had nothing to express his anger. Yuu’s hands gripped his tighter.

“Mutilating your hands again won’t bring them back,” Yuu said in a low voice, and Lavi slumped. Yuu was right, of course. He was surprised to feel himself fly forward into Yuu’s still form, but suddenly he was there, and Yuu was placing Lavi’s hands around his back. Lavi clenched them tightly in the other man’s shirt.

“I’m tired of death,” he confessed bitterly.

Yuu didn’t say anything, nor did he move. He stood there like a pillar, holding Lavi tightly to him as if he were a prisoner. Not that Lavi minded being Yuu’s prisoner.

It was still strange for him to be feeling anger. The only time he’d felt anything like this was back when they’d thought Allen had died and when that stupid-ass Director had insulted Yuu.

“We should go back to sleep, _Baka Usagi,_ ” Yuu said gruffly after a while, pulling away a hand that had snaked into Lavi’s hair at some point.

“I don’t think I can,” Lavi said, and he was irritated that his voice came out so small. He felt Yuu nod against him, obviously in agreement, and he pulled away a bit.

Yuu’s eyes met his, and Lavi couldn’t help but close the distance between them. He very much needed to forget, and Yuu was a very good distraction. He kissed the other man roughly, desperately, and he was surprised to find Yuu doing the same. He pressed himself closer, moving his hands farther up Yuu’s back.

He moved his mouth to Yuu’s neck, hoping he wouldn’t screw up again, and though he was rewarded with a slight hitching in the Japanese man’s breath, Yuu made no other noise. Lavi had discovered this trend each time they’d done anything remotely physical. It seemed that the first time, back when Yuu was just waking up again in August, had been a fluke. It hadn’t taken Lavi long to figure that out. It wasn’t that Yuu wasn’t enjoying it—he could tell from the shudder he got when he nipped right _there_ —it was just that he didn’t seem able to vocalize it. Thinking back to Yuu’s horrible past, Lavi couldn’t really blame him.

Obviously not content to let Lavi be in control, Yuu did the thing that Lavi just couldn’t stand. He moaned as Yuu’s tongue looped around his left earring. He felt the other man’s hot breath there, and he couldn’t help his reaction. He pulled himself even closer, his eye half-hooded and longing. He couldn’t help himself. Vaguely, he thought that he shouldn’t have held himself back for so long, because now almost every movement was driving him absolutely crazy.

And then Yuu froze, his teeth clamping almost painfully around Lavi’s ear, drawing blood. Lavi gasped at the sensation, but he knew that he had somehow overstepped his bounds. He needed to move back, now, or else Yuu would remember something more unpleasant, and Lavi didn’t think he could watch Yuu reliving his abuse without feeling that raw, awful hurt. He hated seeing Yuu in pain, and to think that he caused it… just didn’t sit well. It made his stomach churn.

He pushed himself back and walked over to the bed on legs that had turned to jelly.

“I think we… should just… I don’t want… too desperate,” Lavi panted out, trying to return his breathing to normal. Yuu sat down next to him, and they spent the rest of the night simply _being_ with the other, staring out into space as they came to terms with the consequences of the day, wondering just how often the scene out in the Plaza would repeat itself.

As the sun dawned through their window, Yuu bent down and picked something up. He placed it on Lavi’s leg, and Lavi looked down, curious.

“You dropped your eye patch,” Yuu said, his voice smooth and deep as butter. Lavi was speechless. He knew Yuu had seen his eye before, and he was fine with that, but his eye patch was very obviously broken. He supposed he’d have to let the others see, but with Yuu at his side, maybe that wasn’t so scary.

\---

_September 13, 2013—Gurk, Austria_

Tamas did not wake up to alarm clocks any longer. The screaming was enough to rouse him at the desired time, and it worked far better than any radio static or high-pitched beeping.

“VIKRAM MAITRA!”

Tamas’s lips quirked. That was how it usually started.

“GIVE ME BACK MY INNOCENCE, YOU IMPUDENT BRAT!”

A chuckle escaped from deep in Tamas’s throat. Really, Vikram was an idiot.

“Vikram! Be nice to Choon-yei!”

Ah, there was Emiko. She was such a nice girl, and Tamas couldn’t understand how she liked Vikram at all. That had been an interesting development. He had heard banging coming from Vikram’s room—as usual—and had gone to inspect. As he had approached the door, he had heard the strangest conversation.

“But Vikram, I love you!” Emiko had proclaimed.

“Go away, you’re a guy, and I’m _not_ gay!” Vikram had shouted back. There had been a moment of silence before Tamas had heard sniffling.

“But… but _Vikram!_ ” Emiko had wailed, and Tamas had been able to hear the tears in her voice.

“No! Don’t cry, Emiko-kun!” There had been a shuffling noise, and Tamas had opened the door to see Vikram on the floor wrapping his arms around Emiko’s hunched shoulders. She had put her head on his shoulder.

“Umm… did I miss something?” Tamas had asked, and they both had frozen. Emiko had looked over, her face covered in tears and snot alike, and she had wailed,

“I miss Chu-chaaaaan! He understood me!”

Tamas had assumed “Chu-chan” was Tuan. He had smiled at that nickname. He would have to use it later…

Jerking back to the present at a particularly loud bang, Tamas realized he had missed a fair amount of scuffling.

“NO! NOT THE SPOON! MERCY, CHOON-YEI, MERCYYYY!” Vikram shouted.

“NO! NOT THE SPOON! VIKRAM _NEEDS_ THOSE PARTS!”

Tamas balked. He needed to end this before it got—he shuddered— _bad._ He had heard some of Choon-yei’s threats, and none of them had sounded pretty—or ladylike. Much as he hated getting between the mother-and-son-like-duo, he knew Choon-yei would follow through with the least violent of her threats. Like castration. Tamas shuddered at what she had done to Tuan. He wondered if the other General still had the scars.

Stepping wearily from his room (that they were right in front of, damn them), he activated his machete Innocence.

“What happened this time?” He asked tiredly.

“Oh, no!” Emiko exclaimed, placing her hands over her mouth in fear. “Tama-chan is angry!”

Tamas fought the urge to smile at the ridiculous nickname—Chu-chan would have a field day—and kept his face stony and angry-looking. Not that he was mad at all.

“I _told_ you guys to be quiet! You _know_ Tama-chan gets cranky when you wake him up!”

Fighting back another chuckle— _cranky?_ —Tamas turned to look at troublesome twosome and saw Choon-yei with her hands on Vikram’s waistband. Vikram looked pale and positively petrified.

“How did it start this time?” He asked jadedly.

“The brat—” Choon-yei glared sharply up at Vikram, “—stole my Innocence while I was asleep.”

“Hey, you snooze, you lose,” Vikram said nonchalantly, shrugging. Choon-yei pulled his pants down in a sharp tugging movement and withdrew a spoon from her back pocket. Vikram choked and blanched further.

“Choon-yei!” Tamas said sternly, and the woman backed up, putting her spoon away dejectedly.

“This is VENGEANCE! My Innocence is still injured!” Vikram shouted defiantly.

“You got that fixed in August,” Choon-yei spat, looking offended.

“You injured its _pride!_ ” Vikram exclaimed, his voice shaking with slight hysteria. Tamas shook his head.

“You injured _my hair’s_ pride, brat!” Choon-yei shouted back. “How do you think it felt when you stuck it down your dirty ass-crack pants!?”

Tamas snickered at that comment. It was well-known within the Order that Vikram wore his pants too low. His boxers, too.

“You’re on _her_ side?” Vikram questioned, outraged.

“And if you looked around, you’d realize everyone else is, too,” said a deep voice, and Tamas noted the entrance of the Brazilian Exorcist.

“Morning, Rodrigo,” Tamas said pleasantly as Vikram blushed and pulled his pants back up. They were still too low.

“You need a longer shirt, kid,” Rodrigo muttered, passing through the hallway and grabbing Choon-yei’s elbow as he went. “Let’s get breakfast and cool down. General Varga will get your Innocence back from the kid.” Choon-yei seemed mollified, and she followed him willingly, only turning once to glare back at the immature Indian man. Emiko looked soulfully at Vikram and walked after them.

“You could stand to pull your pants up a bit,” Tamas commented, and Vikram flushed.

“Shut up, Tama-chan,” Vikram said in a small, high-pitched voice.

“Oh, and give Choon-yei her Innocence back,” Tamas added, still trying not to laugh at this morning’s comedy act.

“Could you put some pants on first?” Vikram asked quietly, and Tamas looked down. He was still in only his Hungarian flag boxers. Deactivating his machete, Tamas strode back into his room, his head up proudly. Throwing on a pair of pants and a clean shirt, he stepped back outside, shoes and socks in hand.

The two of them walked calmly to the dining room, though Vikram did shake a bit as he opened the door and saw Choon-yei. She ignored him, and when Vikram tossed a malleable gray circle at her, she glared at him with icy contempt and fastened it back onto her left hand.

A young, petite receptionist walked in and smiled down at Tamas, who had taken a seat at the head of their table. “Er, I have a package for a Mister… Varga?”

Tamas’s eyebrows shot up, and he nodded at the girl. “Yes, that’s me,” he replied, curious. She placed a small cardboard box in front of his empty plate. Activating his machete, he cut through the thick layer of tape. The young woman squeaked and stepped back. Tamas smiled up at her reassuringly. “It’s just Innocence, not a weapon.” Tamas’s smile turned to a grimace, and he added, “well, not one that can hurt you, anyway.”

The young woman nodded fearfully and scampered back to the front desk. Opening the box, Tamas found a small packet that looked like pictures. Ignoring that, he opened the small, white box that sat ominously atop the packet. His eyebrows raised up in surprise again. Chocolates?

But there they were. A mixture of several different kinds of truffles. There was one shaped like a dog, another like a pyramid, a long, thin one, and several other specialty chocolates inside.

“Who sent this?” Tamas muttered to himself. Checking the box, he didn’t see a return address. Immediately, he was on edge, and the hairs on the back of his neck prickled in anticipation—of what, Tamas did not know. Picking up the dog-shaped chocolate, he cut through it with his knife, checking for anything suspicious. Tamas had seen tiny bombs in smaller things than this. The Noahs were very creative, especially Road. She had a knack for explosives, something she’d discovered during the Cold War, he supposed. It was a common assumption that the Noahs had participated in that, as they usually appeared in important events in history.

He continued through a few more chocolates, finding nothing incriminating. Picking up the long, thin one, Tamas knew instinctively that something was wrong with it. A bomb could definitely be fit in this one, and something struck him as irrevocably _wrong_ with it. Running his knife through it, it got stuck halfway through, and Tamas’s heart rate picked up. He brought it closer to his face to inspect it further, and he saw exactly what he had cut into.

His knife had gotten stuck on _bone._ Thick, putrid bile rose up the back of his throat, and he dropped the “chocolate” as if it really did have bomb inside. The entire table had gone silent at his reaction, but he didn’t notice, instead picking up the packet of pictures with a deep sense of foreboding dread.

On top was a small note.

_I heard from Artemis that you like chocolates. So, in celebration of your friends’ humiliating defeat, I left you a special one. She was so upset to part with it. Hope you enjoy the pictures! It’s always good to see what friends do and see when they’re on vacation!_

_-C_

Tamas did not look at the pictures, but Emiko did. She picked them up curiously and then gagged as she looked at the first one.

“Agh,” she muttered in a strangely deep voice as she dropped the pictures to grab her stomach. Vikram reached over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, sounding worried.

“God, Artemis,” Emiko choked out, her voice still deep.

Silently, Vikram picked up all the pictures and flipped through them, his expression growing more grim and disgusted with each one. Near the end, he, too, dropped the pictures and ran to the bathroom. From the noise that Tamas heard a moment later, he hadn’t made it all the way.

Tamas bent down and picked the pictures up. He didn’t want to see what was happening to his apprentice, but the picture on the top gave him no choice.

Torture, Rape, more torture, burns, missing—when had she lost the foot?, further torture, a hand as a knife came down on the pinky finger, nicking the other as it sliced it off in the next picture… Tamas felt his stomach rebel, too, but he swallowed thickly and flipped through the rest. Silent tears poured down his face. His poor Artemis, the silent but grateful girl who he had bailed out of prison for drug trafficking, the girl who he had bailed out twice more for that same offense, his sweet apprentice who had worked so hard to become an Exorcist once Tamas had realized she reacted to a piece of Innocence. He sent out a silent prayer for Lenalee to find her soon.

\---

_September 23, 2013—Villach, Austria_

They were supposed to be exterminating Akuma, but as they traveled through the south of Austria, they’d come up with nothing. Instead of being glad, Tamas felt as if something was wrong. It was that _too quiet_ quality that occurred just before a large battle.

He heard a muffled cry. His heart raced—he knew that voice. He could never mistake the voices of any of his apprentices. Somehow, miraculously, Artemis was nearby. He swallowed his dread. Strength would be there, too. It was no longer Lenalee’s fight; it was his, and Tamas had to win it.

“Oh, look, Artemis! Isn’t that your master?” Strength said as he appeared, holding Artemis by the scruff of her neck. From her bugging eyes, she was choking.

That was the easiest thing to look at. Great chunks of hair were simply _missing_ , and from the blood that matted most of her previously beautiful locks, so was a good portion of her scalp. Both her eyes were blackened, and the rest of her face was covered in dark bruises. Deep, lurid purple marks ran the length of her throat, ending near a bloodied collar-bone. The thin, white tank top that she always wore beneath her Exorcist jacket was covered in strange-colored stains that Tamas didn’t want to know the origins of. It was ripped and hanging from a single strap. Below it was the tattered and ripped remains of what had previously been a pair of jeans. They looked more like a skirt now. Her clothes were in better shape than her body, though, as Tamas saw from the cauterized stump of her left leg. A small amount of bone still stuck out of it. He looked at her left hand and saw a large scab where her pinky finger had been. Tamas’s stomach lurched as he remembered the box of chocolates. Deep, thin lines zebra-striped her arms, stomach, and legs. Like his colleague, Strength seemed to have a whip.

Tearing his eyes away, Tamas threw himself at his apprentice’s captor, blind rage reddening his vision. He only felt the man’s hand connect with his stomach. All air left his body, and it couldn’t seem to return, no matter how much he gasped for it. He tried to pry his eyes open, but the pain was too much, and as air finally filled his lungs again, Noah’s Strength and his hostage were gone. Every soldier and Finder was dead, their scalps caved in from the force of well-placed punches.

He looked over as he heard a wail.

“ _CHOON-YEI!!!_ ” Vikram shouted, his voice breaking with sobs. Tamas felt icy dread enter his system through his chest. Choon-yei was a good fighter, and he would be losing her.

“Don’t die! Please, Choon-yei, I’ll even give you your hair back!”

“It’ll smell… like ass… I don’t want it… back…” Choon-yei said softly between hacking coughs that brought up blood. Looking at her chest, Tamas noticed how it caved in slightly. More than likely, Strength had broken her breast bone, and it had punctured her heart. A hot wave of sorrow melted the frozen dread.

“No, Choon-yei, you have to get better from this. You haven’t castrated me yet, and I know how you really want to do that,” Vikram whispered, mortified, tears running freely down his face as he lifted Choon-yei’s head into his lap.

“Don’t be a brat… when I’m… gone.”

“B-b-but I’m only a b-brat f-for you!”

“Then… forgive… your mother.”

Each word sounded increasingly difficult for her to say, and then she was silent, and Vikram’s cries grew louder, more desperate.

Vikram swept down and placed his lips tenderly on Choon-yei’s unmoving ones. Tamas felt thoroughly disturbed. _What the fuck?_

“Arrrgh! That was disgusting!” Vikram wailed, spitting next to Choon-yei’s face. , Vikram gently put Choon-yei back on the ground, being careful with her head, as if she were just sleeping, alternating rubbing his lips off and spitting onto the dusty road in an overly dramatic fashion.

“Then why did you do it?” Emiko asked, her voice sad despite her lighthearted question.

“It seemed like the right thing to do at the time,” Vikram said. _What the fuck?_ Tamas had no idea how to take that comment. “She was like my mother!” Vikram bawled in a keening voice. What had Choon-yei meant by that, anyway? Tamas would have to ask Vikram what his real mother had done, but right now, the young man seemed in no condition to do anything more than sit and be a blubbering mess. Not that Tamas didn’t want to sit down and join him. But duty called, and he had to keep himself collected.

Taking his cell phone out, he dialed Allen’s number. It rang for a long time, and finally, a groggy-sounding Allen answered.

“ _H’llo?_ ”

“Al-len?” Tamas wheezed. His diaphragm was probably bruised, and from the intense pain in his stomach and sides, he was probably bleeding internally.

“ _Tamas?_ ” Allen asked, sounding more alert and slightly concerned.

“ _Allen? What’s going on?”_ Lenalee was with him, but Tamas wasn’t surprised.

“ _Tamas, what happened?_ ”

“Strength… in Austria. Need gate. In… Villa—” Tamas cut off abruptly, unable to do more than simply cough. He felt his phone drop from his hand, but he couldn’t do more than grab his stomach as it erupted in pain.

“General Walker?” Someone above him asked. “Yes—no—I don’t know… Villach… er, I don’t know the street names. Just—just triangulate our position using the phone—then give it to someone who knows what I’m talking about… the Science Department—yes—go do it…”

Everything started darkening. His vision did that annoying tunnel thing, and his world imploded as he blacked out.

He woke up in the Order’s hospital. Concerned people were around him, and within a week, he was back on his feet, but then he got the DVD.

\---

_September 30, 2013—Allen’s Ark_

Tamas came up to them, looking worried and carrying a strange, shiny circle. Curious, Yuu lifted his head to see what he was doing.

“I couldn’t look at it on my own,” he said, his voice haunted. He held it out to Amanda, who took it, her face dark.

“Is that… blood?” She asked tremulously. Tamas nodded gravely. “It needs to be cleaned, then.” Turning around, she added to the group of soldiers, “anyone got a portable DVD player?” One nodded and ran off.

“What’s a DVD?” Yuu asked Lavi, who was seated to his right.

“Digital Versatile Disc,” Lavi replied, shrugging. “It plays videos,” he added, obviously noting Yuu’s still confused expression.

The soldier returned with a strange, rectangular object and a wet cloth, which Amanda ran over the blood-covered disc.

“Hey, Allen, can you project this onto the wall?” She asked, her voice devoid of emotion. Allen—he was definitely Allen right now, with no _Moyashi_ in sight—nodded and disappeared into the Musician’s room. A moment later, a blue rectangle appeared on the wall of the nearest building. Amanda carried the black rectangular thing that Yuu assumed was the DVD player she had called for into the Musician’s room, and a minute later, they were watching the video.

Strength’s face smiled back at them, and Yuu knew at once he was not going to like whatever this was.

“Hello, my dear Exorcists!” Strength said cheerfully. “I thought I’d give you a nice little video. Today is the twenty-eighth of September, and Artemis is looking particularly chipper today! See?” The camera panned over, and it landed on a close-up of a very purple, very bruised face. The only thing that indicated that they were indeed looking at Artemis was one flat, blue eye. At some point, it seemed the other eye had been torn from its socket. “Wave ‘hi,’ Artemis!” Strength said from off screen. She didn’t move—she didn’t even blink. “Now, don’t be rude!” A large, fisted hand came into the frame, and Artemis flew away with a sickening crunch. When the camera focused on her again, her nose was broken and bleeding profusely. Artemis’s expression had not changed.

Yuu felt sick. His father had never broken his nose, but he had punched Yuu many times. He shuddered. He didn’t want to think about it. An arm snaked around his back, and after recognizing it as Lavi’s, he relaxed into it.

“Hmmm… well, while she recovers from that—” Strength’s hand appeared again and remolded the cartilage of Artemis’s nose, “—let’s take a tour of Artemis’s room!” He started at the bed. It was possibly the only piece of real furniture in the room, save for a chair and bedside table next to it. There were bloodstains and rank-looking yellow marks on the sheets. Near to the bed was the first torture device. It was a bloody pair of iron shoes with three short, wide spikes in each sole. Next to them, on the wall, was a rake-like object covered in a dried pile of gore. Yuu’s stomach lurched as Lavi muttered something to himself. “Eh?” He asked.

“Cat’s Paw,” Lavi replied, horrified. “He used a Cat’s Paw on her.” A tear leaked from his ruined eye.

The camera panned the walls. A series of pliers, hammers, and brands hung almost artfully on the wall. Each of them looked recently used. One brand was still red with the last dregs of heat. Next to those was a large, A-framed device. Beside him, Lavi’s eye grew wide, and he whispered the name of that, too. “Scavenger’s daughter.”

A procession of other devices followed, including a metal gag—a Scold’s Bridle—and a fork-like instrument that had two sharp ends and a leather strap around the middle. Lavi called it a Heretic’s Fork.

Strength picked up a pear-shaped device, and Lavi turned green. “You see this?” Strength asked. “Artemis likes this the best.” His smile grew soft, and a wistful, dark look whorling around in his eyes.

“What is that?” Yuu whispered to Lavi. The redhead looked over at him and shook his head.

“I’m not telling you that,” Lavi said hoarsely. His good eye left no room for questions. Yuu interpreted that to mean that he didn’t want to know.

Then Strength reached the final wall, which was ominously bare. As he panned across it, Yuu heard Amanda throwing up in the Musician’s room. Yuu knew what that one was. He’d seen it in an old book of his father’s. The Judas Cradle. From the blood-stained shackles and gore-covered pyramid, Yuu had no illusions that it hadn’t been used. Next to him, Lavi keeled over, shaking. The hand left his back, and he reached out to hold it, offering Lavi whatever comfort he needed. It was obvious he needed it, and not even Yuu was bastard enough to withhold it. Plus, he happened to love the quivering fool next to him, and that alone was enough to make him swallow his pride and show some compassion. Not to mention that, deep down, he realized _he_ needed comfort, too.

“Isn’t it a lovely room?” Strength asked rhetorically in his over-cheerful voice. Yuu had to disagree. Not only were there instruments of torture from wall to wall, but perhaps the worst thing was that there were no windows. Artemis had been alone in the dark being tortured, beaten, and who knew what else while they had been out gallivanting about the countryside or sitting, useless, in the Ark.

“Now, I sent this, because I wanted you all to see the show!” Strength said, still sounding far too cheerful. Placing the camera on an unseen surface, he walked over until he was in the frame, too. Still smiling with menacing happiness, he held up the crossed lines of Innocence that had previously hung from Artemis’s shoulders and ran across her chest. He brought them up to the camera, and everyone watched, horrified, as the strands of inactivated Innocence melted back into element form. Once it was pooled in his hand, his smile grew to destructive proportions, and he fisted it, rending it to dust. Yuu looked at Artemis for any response, and the only thing he could see was her one visible eye becoming even more lifeless. It was as if her undestroyed Innocence had been the only thing keeping her in this world, and now she had truly given up on hope.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to stop here for today! Wave good-bye, Artemis!” He pulled her onto the screen again as he disappeared from it, and she stared lifelessly at the camera just as she had at the beginning of the recording.

“Now, now, that’s no way to say good-bye to your friends!” He grabbed her wrist and the microphone recorded a small _snap!_ as all the bones in her wrist were compressed together. He waved it back and forth, and the hand flopped around, unmoving, as Artemis stared just as blankly ahead.

“That’s a good girl, Artemis,” Strength cooed, entering the frame himself. “I think you deserve a little reward!” He dropped her wrist and put her face in his hand instead, pressing his lips disgustingly to hers. When he pulled back, Yuu saw Artemis’s lips already turning purple with bruises. With a moment of clarity, Yuu understood exactly what that pear-shaped object had been used for.

The video cut off, and the screen turned blue again. Inside, Yuu heard a pounding noise, and when Allen came out, Yuu noticed the rectangular object the younger boy was carrying was now very, very mangled. He gave it back to the soldier with an apologetic grimace, but the soldier didn’t seem very mad. Actually, he was looking a bit green.

“I need a drink. Now.”

General Varga was shaking worse than Lavi, and his expression was so haunted that Yuu himself felt like downing a glass.

The chef emerged from the kitchen with seven crates of wines, spirits, and ales as they all gathered in the Dark Order’s cafeteria. Allen had refused to let them drink in his Ark.

Yuu gazed around at his comrades. Lenalee held a bottle of tequila and was pouring herself a shot. Yuu was surprised that Lenalee drank at all, but then again, this occasion required it. General Varga pushed a bottle of sake in front of him, and Yuu froze. Quickly, Lavi snatched it and passed it along the table.

“Neither Yuu nor I drink. It’s for Lent,” Lavi explained matter-of-factly.

“Lent isn’t for another five months,” General Varga said incredulously.

“I knew that—I just didn’t want to say it’s a personal choice, because then people look at me funny.” Lavi cringed back, looking upset, but Yuu knew he was just acting and ignored it.

“Whatever floats your boat, man,” General Varga said, giving Lavi a strange look anyway.

Allen, who never drank either, was nursing an entire bottle of straight vodka, grimacing as he took another large gulp.

As they all began to get drunk, the mood of the table sank. Tamas was telling Lenalee about how he’d met Artemis. “…Saw this girl in the jail my slutty apprentice, Sheila, was in. I felt bad for her, being so young and all, and I bailed her out. The next day, Sheila tried to sell herself again and ended up back in jail. I was surprised to see Artemis in there as well. I asked her what she did, and she replied, ‘I sell drugs like Vicodin and Oxycodone… and Morphine. That’s a big seller. Vicodin, too.’ Well, I bailed her again, and then Margaret—she was another General, but she died two years ago—came by. When I saw Artemis being taken in a third time, she told me that one of her collected Innocence was reacting.”

“Whaddid y’do?” Lenalee slurred out. She was going to regret drinking all that tequila.

“I went over to the cops, and I tossed the Innocence into her hands, and it went and turned into a bow and arrows. I grabbed ‘em back and told the cops that she had diplomatic immunity ‘cause she’s an Exorcist. Then I picked her up in a football hold and dragged her off, and the rest is history…”

“OI! This’s gettin’ a bi’ somber! Le’s talk ‘bout somethin’ cheerfuller!” shouted a soldier at the other end of the table.

“Like what?” Allen shouted back, his voice surprisingly clear despite three quarters of the bottle being gone.

“LOLEK! _Nur ein Schwein, trinkt allein!_ Let’s play a drinking game!” Miranda shouted, pounding an empty pint glass on the table. Yuu stared. When had Miranda gotten so… outgoing? She hadn’t been that way for a long time. He supposed alcohol affected people differently. Or not at all, judging by Allen’s general sobriety. He had a second bottle of vodka open in front of him and was already halfway through it. Yuu suspected the sobriety would leave with time. And another few bottles.

“Hey, mates! I gots an idea!” Justin shouted, a little less sober than Allen. He jumped up onto the table, a finger pointing toward the ceiling. “I got this _great_ story!”

“Whassit abou’?” Lenalee asked.

“How I lost my virginity!” Justin exclaimed, stretching his arms out and slopping his beer everywhere. The soldiers cheered in unanimous anticipation.

“You see, there was this _reeeeeaaally_ hot koala chick!” He started.

“What?” Allen asked, looking perplexed.

“You chanellin’ Siegfried, or somethin’?” General Varga asked. His voice was starting to get thick with the rum he was chugging.

“No! Of course not! She worked at the zoo—in the koala section. This was back when Siegfried was just a cub… ‘bout two years ago!”

“How old were you?” One of the soldiers asked, and the others yelled the same question a moment later.

“Thirteen! And see, we got to talkin’, and then we were flirtin’, and somehow we ended up in an employee closet, and the rest, mates, is too dirty to say!” Justin bowed and jumped off the table.

“How old was she?” A soldier asked.

“Nineteen!” Justin yelled, and a roar of cheers went around the table. “She got a bit salty when she found out how young _I_ was, though!” Another round of yells and applause erupted.

“’Ey! ‘Ey! Guys, I gotta better one!” Yelled a Finder, getting up on the table himself. Everyone shouted their encouragements, and the man continued on with his story.

Yuu thought the entire thing was stupid, but then, they were all drunk, so they were all a bit stupid.

Lavi jumped up on the table. “Wait! I got one, guys!” He yelled out in a slurring voice. Yuu thought it was a good approximation of drunkenness. If he hadn’t seen Lavi refuse every glass offered him, he would have thought Lavi was actually inebriated.

“Less ‘ear it, then!” Lenalee said, giggling loudly. Yuu resisted the urge to remove her from the room. She shouldn’t be here with all these… lusty fools.

“Wellll, y’see, when I was‘lmost fifteen, Bookman caught me, y’know, doin’ the… y’know… _necessities_ … in the bathroom. I thought he was asleep, but… ‘parently not. So, ‘e sent me t’a BROTHEL!” Lavi smiled widely and spread his arms out in a comical gesture. “Well, it all got done ‘n stuff, but it wasn’t… satis… satissss… need to sit down.” Lavi blinked as people pulled him back onto the bench.

“How ‘boutchoo, Allen?” A soldier asked, but Lavi wasn’t finished, and he raised a protesting hand in the air.

“’N tha’s ‘ow I figgered out I was gay!”

A roar of laughter followed. Yuu put his burning face in his hand.

“So, Allen!” The soldiers continued. “You a man yet?”

Allen blushed fiercely, and Yuu snickered. It was the blush of a virgin.

“Guess not, then. You gotta try ‘t sometime, man, it’s like… like… apple pie… or somethin’. Inthat from ma movie? Whatevs… iss good, whatever’t is.”

Yuu disagreed. Sex was nothing like apple pie. It was more like…

“Oi! Kanda! How ‘bout you?”

Yuu froze. He didn’t want to talk about this. Already, images of _his_ first time were flashing through his head, and he didn’t want to remember them again.

“Hey, guys, I ‘aven’t finished m’storeh yet!” Lavi shouted, and Yuu knew he was saying that just as a distraction. He supposed he’d have to thank him later, even if it hurt his pride.

“I bet it was with Lavi!” Justin shouted out, and the attention shifted back to him. They started to nudge him, giving him suggestive winks as they asked for details. He tried to ignore it all, but his father was _right there_ , and Yuu was _on the kitchen floor_ , and _goddammit, why wouldn’t they shut up!?_

“Yeah, c’mon, Kanda, tell us!”

Everything was very hot and very cold at the same time, and everything was too loud but also too quiet, and the only thing solid was Lavi, but he was pretending to be drunk and so was no use to him, and he really just needed to get away, because they were asking him to tell them all about how his father had raped him, and he didn’t want to tell that to anyone, because only Lavi could know, and if they would only just shut up and stop _jabbing_ him in the ribs and arms and stomach and legs and chest, then maybe they would understand, but they couldn’t understand, because they were able to drink, and now they were all blubbering idiots who just wouldn’t stop being so _uproarious_ when all Yuu wanted them to do was just _go away and leave him the fuck alone_ , and would that guy just fucking stop jabbing his elbow in his ribs, and—

He slammed his hands—which had been clenching the bench—onto the tabletop and shouted, “I was five!” Turning away, he stormed from the room, activating Mugen so he could hold something solid.

The entire hall went silent, and he heard Lavi say something like “fuck,” but he couldn’t tell for sure because he was so angry and just wanted to _leave._

As the door closed behind him, the roar was already beginning to return. He heard footsteps and Lenalee saying in a horrified voice, “I thought it was only physical abuse.”

He went back to the only place where he could ever truly be at peace: his room. He had meditated here so many times, but for some reason, he couldn’t find his center. He threw himself on the bed, something he had never done before, and growled in frustration.

He _had_ to stop reacting like that! He wasn’t ten anymore, dammit! Seriously, even _Lavi_ had started to pull away when he did that. He wasn’t broken anymore—it was all in the past. _So why does it still hurt?_ He thought to himself. Angrily he pounded a fist on the headboard and heard a satisfying _crack_ in response.

Dammit, his head hurt. He pulled out his hairband and sat up on the edge of the bed, letting his head fall into his fisted hands. Really, why couldn’t he just tell Lavi to just _do something_ already? He didn’t need to be _protected_. He _needed_ to get _rid_ of these stupid feelings, because they were annoying, and he didn’t understand them. He threw out his right fist and cracked the headboard again. He growled again and threw himself back so he was staring up at the ceiling.

He felt bad for Artemis. What she had gone through was true, all-encompassing torture. Yuu had only suffered a small bit in comparison to her. But her one eye had shown the exact same flatness that his used to have. He knew that if she survived, he would have to talk with her. They both needed someone who _understood_. He shuddered. The thought of telling someone besides Lavi made him balk, but the Stupid Druggie would probably need someone, too, if only to administer a lethal dose. Because there was no way she wanted to live now. The flatness in her eye told Yuu that she had given up on living. Even the thought of being alive would seem foreign to her. Yuu knew that feeling. He knew it intimately.

Sitting back up, he tried to find his center again, but the door squeaked open. It was the rabbit, of course.

“I don’t think anyone will remember anything tomorrow,” Lavi said quietly, coming to kneel on the floor in front of Yuu’s legs. He grabbed Yuu’s hands in his, and despite himself, Yuu felt a bit better. He grunted noncommittally.

“Yuu, why is the headboard broken?” Lavi asked softly, though his tone had a hint of exasperation in it.

“It doesn’t like being punched,” Yuu grunted.

“Most things don’t,” Lavi said.

Yuu grunted again.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t divert them again,” Lavi said, sounding horrendously apologetic.

“ _Che._ ”

“Would you give me a response that doesn’t include a monosyllabic noise?”

“No.”

“That’s a monosyllabic noise.” Lavi sounded annoyed, but Yuu didn’t care.

“No, it’s a monosyllabic _word_.”

“You see! There you go,” Lavi said, and Yuu finally looked at his face. The redhead was smiling, though as usual, it didn’t reach his impossibly green eye.

“If you’re going to smile, rabbit, do it properly,” Yuu said, getting annoyed himself.

“Well, I’d rarely be smiling, then, would I? And the whole point is so that others don’t realize I’m not being genuine,” Lavi replied.

“Yes, and then the people who care about you worry a hell of a lot more,” Yuu bit out. Lavi froze.

“You… worry about me?” He asked in wonder.

“ _Che._ ”

“See, now you’re right back with your ridiculous mono—”

“Of course I worry, _Baka Usagi._ I told you before I like you, and like implies worry.”

Lavi stared up at him, seeming thoroughly shocked. “You just said you like me.”

“No, I said I care about you.”

“No, no, Yuu, you said you _like_ me!” Lavi said, and for some reason, a real grin lit his eye.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. You said ‘I like you.’”

“You’re ears need to be cleaned out.”

“No, Yuu, my ears are fine. _Ne,_ how much do you like me?” Lavi asked, his grin morphing into a mischievous one.

“I refuse to play this game.”

“Is it a little? Is it a lot? Is it a lot, a lot?”

“I… like… you enough,” Yuu said gruffly, and Lavi threw his arms around him. Yuu, damn himself, froze in surprise, and Lavi pulled away immediately. “Stop _doing_ that!” He yelled as Lavi went for the door. The other man turned.

“Do what?” He asked. Yuu stood up and stalked toward the door, shoving Lavi’s shoulder into it so it would close. The motion had the added bonus of pinning Lavi to said door.

“You keep starting things, and you never finish them!” Yuu hissed, his face only centimeters from Lavi’s.

“What are you talking about?” Lavi asked, and he looked genuinely confused.

“Goddammit, Lavi, you won’t even touch me anymore!” Yuu yelled. He was glad he was finally able to say things, even if they were small like that. A confession was still a long way off, and he hoped the other man understood.

“But… but… you-you-you… I don’t understand.” Lavi looked hopelessly lost. Obviously, he didn’t understand.

“ _Che._ It’s obvious, moron.”

“No, I don’t get it,” Lavi insisted.

Yuu growled in the back of his throat. “I thought you considered yourself smart.”

“You—you _freeze!_ And… I don’t… want to hurt you,” Lavi finally confessed haltingly.

Yuu sighed. Really, Lavi could be an idiot, and his idiocy was making this conversation extremely awkward. “You’re not hurting me, _Baka._ I have to get over this… _aversion_ somehow.”

“Yuu, every time you freeze, you’re thinking about your father or some of what he did to you, or it’s an automatic reaction _because_ of what your father did to you, and I’d prefer not to surpass your bounds. I’m trying to respect them.” Lavi looked pitiful.

“When have you _ever_ respected my bounds?” Yuu shouted incredulously. “Always throwing yourself on me, calling me by stupid nicknames, kissing me with fucking scrambled eggs in your mouth, and now that I actually _want_ you to, you _refuse!?_ ”

Had he actually said that out loud? From Lavi’s stoned expression, he had.

“When did I kiss you with scrambled eggs in my mouth?” Lavi asked blankly. Yuu sighed. Had the rabbit _really_ forgotten that, too?

“The first time, idiot. The fucking day after we fucking met!” He shook the man’s shoulders a little, hoping he remembered.

“Oh, I had sausage, too!” Lavi exclaimed.

“Well, I didn’t _taste_ the sausage. Either way, it was fucking disgusting, and if you ever do it to me again, I _will_ kill you.”

“No you won’t, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said softly, looking soulfully into his eyes. Yuu looked away. Naturally, Lavi was right.

“ _Che._ ” It was short, easy, and it worked in every situation.

“Anyway, back to what we were talking about, you… really like it?” Lavi asked abruptly after a momentary silence.

“What do _you_ think?” Yuu bit out. He was still angry at the redhead’s complete obliviousness.

“I… don’t know,” Lavi replied, and he sounded vaguely surprised at the notion. A small part of the Japanese man felt very satisfied. Lavi deserved to be in the dark about _something_.

“Well, you’ve enjoyed it every time, rabbit, so—”

“You _knew?_ ” Lavi interrupted, sounding astonished.

“ _Che._ It’s hard not to when you can feel it _every single time._ ”

“I thought I was—”

“Well, you weren’t. But apparently, I was,” Yuu said curtly.

Lavi’s eye widened. “You… too?”

Yuu let out an exasperated sigh. “Of course, _Baka._ But my pants are just too tight for you to—”

“W-wait, go back to the part where you liked it too? And the tight pants part—I like your tight pants.”

Yuu blinked. Where the hell had their conversation gone?

“Yes,” he said, averting his eyes. “I liked it. And my pants are… very… tight?” Not that he had had a choice in the matter. Damn that Infernal Girl.

“Are they very tight… now?” Lavi asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. Blushing— _why?_ He asked himself—Yuu nodded.

Instantly, Lavi moved so that now the dark-haired man was the one against the door. He saw Lavi’s hand go next to his hip, and he felt the door against his back lock quietly.

“Are you sure, Yuu?” Lavi asked, his face going out of focus as he leaned in. “’Cause I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself once we start.”

“ _Baka Usagi,_ ” Yuu said, his face burning. Fighting the urge to look away, he stared deeply into Lavi’s darkening eye. “Just kiss me.”

He did. It was hard and deep and passionate, almost to the point of desperation. Lavi moved his hands from next to Yuu’s shoulders and into his hanging hair, staying away from the scalp. Yuu’s breath hitched as Lavi tentatively moved his hands farther up, seeming to test Yuu’s bounds. And then they did something they’d never done before—not since he had mentioned that his father had always scraped at his scalp when he’d… abused him. Lavi lightly rested his hands atop Yuu’s head, and then his fingers were running through his hair, and they hit a spot that caused a white-hot streak of pleasure to run straight through him. He moaned.

The redhead paused and pulled back. “You made a—?” He started questioningly, but Yuu took the opportunity to do that thing to Lavi’s ear that never failed to turn him on. Seriously, the rabbit had an excuse for not being able to hide it at that point. Yuu knew how erogenous that ear was, and he took particular pleasure in driving Lavi crazy with it. But that pressure on his scalp was the thing driving _him_ crazy now, and it was all he could do to keep quiet.

“You can— _God_ —make noise… if it’s— _holy shit_ —with me,” Lavi stammered as Yuu ran his tongue through the earring. He tightened his hands in Yuu’s hair, and even though the scars dulled his senses, pleasure still hit him deep in his core.

Yuu realized abruptly that this wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and he sought to fix that. He played absently with the zipper to Lavi’s Exorcist jacket, pulling it down slowly. The other man shrugged it off as his lips found Yuu’s again, and this time there was a _fire_ there that Yuu had never felt before. It raged through them both, burning blood vessels as hearts pumped too fast.

Lavi’s tongue tangled with his, and dark-haired man found himself moaning again. This time, he didn’t care, and Lavi was undoing the buttons to his jacket. And then it was gone. Lavi ran his hands down Yuu’s sides until he reached the hem of the tight, white shirt that the-girl-he-didn’t-want-to-think-about-right-now-because-this-was-finally-going-somewhere had gotten him. Softly, slowly, Lavi ran his hands up Yuu's stomach, bypassing those scars in preference of the ones on his chest. He ran his hand lightly over the black symbol of the Lotus Spell, tweaking a nipple as he did so. Yuu’s breath hitched, and he forgot everything he was trying to do regarding undressing the redhead.

But it was okay, because Lavi was now pulling the shirt over Yuu’s head, breaking their kiss for only a moment before he was back and they were connected again. He fisted a hand in Lavi’s shirt and jerked it up. The taller man got the message and divested himself of it quickly. Leaning back in, he ignored Yuu’s mouth and went down his neck, trailing kisses the entire way. Yuu felt lips touching the old, nasty scar on his collarbone, but before he could react to it, they were gone, on their way to his chest.

Lavi lost his balance and fell to the ground, taking the Japanese man down with him. Yuu landed roughly over Lavi’s legs, hitting the cold, stone floor painfully.

“ _Ita_ ,” He hissed. Lavi ran his hands up and down Yuu’s chest, but he pulled away. “Not on the floor.” It was too much like his father, and this position was very uncomfortable anyway.

Lavi nodded, his face too desirous to have any true emotion on it, and he stood up, holding Yuu’s hand, and walked over to the bed. He pushed Yuu down, and the older man watched as Lavi slowly reached for the fly of his pants, his hand shaking—was he nervous? Sitting up, he reached over and placed a hand over Lavi’s quivering one. He met the redhead’s dark eye, and an unspoken feeling of trust passed through the two of them.

“Let me,” Yuu murmured, and he pulled Lavi closer. He tried to ignore his own shaking hands as he pulled Lavi’s pants off, revealing just how much the other man wanted this. The redhead leaned down and kissed Yuu on the lips. Unlike the others, this was brief, light, and unerringly sweet. Yuu bit Lavi’s lower lip lightly and pulled the other man farther down. He wanted the burning flames from earlier.

He didn’t even notice his own pants being thrown from his body. Lavi’s hands on his chest, rubbing and teasing here and there, saw to that. Lavi moved his mouth down to Yuu’s left nipple, and he moaned again, surprising himself. It felt so… _good_.

“ _Kuso,_ ” he gasped as Lavi ran his teeth along his nipple. He moved to the other one, and Yuu gasped out again, unable to contain himself any longer. Lavi ran his right hand down Yuu’s side and let it rest on the side of his hip. He moved his lips down the ragged, tomato knife scar, stopping just above Yuu’s belly button and then going lower… and lower… and _oh, God…_.

Yuu bit his arm to stop himself from making a noise as Lavi’s mouth surrounded him. He didn’t care that he was drawing blood. A moment later, Lavi’s left hand moved from his hair—when had it gone there?—to his chest, and it traced the scars in a way that made Yuu shiver. Lavi’s tongue flicked deftly over the tip of Yuu’s erection as the hand ran back up to his chest. He let out a strangled noise that he couldn’t quite classify as a moan and fisted his hands in Lavi’s hair. Lavi moaned, and the vibrations made Yuu rock his hips forward. The redhead moved his right hand to encircle the base of his erection as the hand on his chest slid around his side and to his back.

Yuu froze for a split second, but Lavi’s tongue did that thing again, and now his hand was moving in tandem with his head, and Yuu couldn’t concentrate on the fact that Lavi had never touched his bare back before. And the hand was gone anyway, down at the curve of his hip again.

“Aw, fuck,” Lavi said, moving back. Yuu gasped at the lack of stimulation and reached out blindly for Lavi’s hand, trying to pull him back. He missed and watched helplessly as Lavi rummaged through his discarded Exorcist jacket. He pulled out a small tube, and a moment later, he walked back to the bed.

“Sorry,” Lavi said nervously, and kissed him deeply. Hands wandered back down via his deep scars, and then something cold and wet touched him, and Yuu shivered. “Sorry,” Lavi repeated breathlessly against his lips. “It’ll warm up in a bit.”

Yuu grunted as Lavi slipped a finger inside, this time ignoring the numerous glass-caused scars. He gently moved his finger in and out, biting lightly at Yuu’s neck, expanding him enough to slide in a second finger. Yuu gasped. This had never felt good before, not that his father had bothered to do it most of the time. As Lavi gently massaged inside, he bent over and kissed him again. And then Lavi hit somewhere that made him yell wordlessly and see stars.

Lavi brushed his lips in an arcing line to Yuu’s ear and whispered, “you sure?” Yuu scowled as best he could, given his situation, and Lavi took that as the invitation it was. “Ready?”

Yuu nodded, and Lavi’s fingers pulled out. He growled at the loss, but a moment later, the redhead was pressed against him. And this time, physics was wrong. No force in the universe could prevent them from occupying the same space simultaneously. Pain ripped through him, but it was tolerable—he’d been through worse before—and Lavi didn’t move as Yuu grew accustomed to it.

“ _Holy shit, Yuu,_ ” Lavi hissed, and the Japanese man recognized it as his native tongue. Catching Lavi’s eye, he saw it hooded and darkened nearly black with desire. Lavi began to move then, and Yuu found himself meeting each thrust with a small moan. Lavi’s hands traveled back up to his hair, and they knotted there. Yuu’s hands, which had at some point stopped moving and curled into his sheets, reached for Lavi’s back, and he hung on desperately, attempting to pull the other man still closer. His nails scratched at Lavi as the other man picked up his pace. “ _Miew!_ ” He moaned in a surprisingly high voice.

“Wha-what?” Yuu gasped out, bewildered.

“Egyptian… I think,” Lavi panted.

Yuu moved his hand to Lavi’s left ear, massaging it gently despite the rocking of their bodies. “ _YABHATI!_ ” the former Bookman screamed, arching into Yuu and throwing his head back to the ceiling. He moved a hand to Yuu’s ignored erection and began timing movements with each thrust. The dark-haired man gasped, and his fingers tightened around Lavi’s ear. Lavi began mumbling words against Yuu’s ear in languages he couldn’t understand, but that seemed to increase the heat between them, creating some sort of unknown intensity.

Lavi sped his pace up again, plunging harder, deeper. With each thrust, he hit that spot—Yuu didn’t know what it was called, nor did he care—that made him yell and moan and see stars and rock his hips up for more. When had he turned into such a moaning mess? But Lavi’s hand was doing brushing things over the head of his erection, and Yuu ceased to care, because now it was okay to moan. Lavi moved his face closer, kissing Yuu roughly on the lips and then moving to the base of his neck, where he began to suck. Yuu’s hips bucked up almost wildly, and Lavi’s hand tightened around him.

The world compressed, and all Yuu could see was Lavi’s darkened green eye and shock of his disheveled, sweaty red hair. Everything was hot and sweaty and _good_ , and he gasped raggedly as his orgasm rolled over him.

Lavi screamed, and his pace fell apart. “ _Oh, bei, mein Gott, kalos, Yuu, je t’aime, holy fucking shit!_ ” Yuu felt something explode into him, and the redhead faltered and ceased his movements, panting as he pulled out and laid his cheek against Yuu’s chest, shaking heavily.

“What?” Yuu asked, still breathing roughly, almost unable to speak at all. He hadn’t understood most of what Lavi had said.

“I don’t know,” Lavi panted back. “There may have been some… Greek and Mayan, and I know I used… Sanskrit earlier. German and French, too. And somewhere along the line, I spent a long time speaking Russian and other…random… Slavic languages.”

Yuu assumed that was the long, mumbling string of words that Lavi had uttered earlier.

“Are you okay, Yuu?” Lavi asked, his voice already drifting as he lay down next to Yuu, pulling him closer and returning his burning cheek to Yuu’s chest.

“ _Nn,_ ” Yuu replied affirmatively, unable to open his mouth, and he nodded once for emphasis. Lavi smiled against him, and Yuu knew instinctively that it was genuine.

“I’m glad,” Lavi murmured, and then, as he drifted off, he added almost incoherently, “I love you.” Yuu pulled up the bedclothes that had been kicked to the end of the bed, covering them both. A wave of fatigue hit him, too, and he followed Lavi into a peaceful, utterly satisfied sleep that lasted until early the next afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Long chappie, no? And yayz! Smexing! Sooo hard to write. It took us, like, five or six hours. Anyhoo, the lingos go thus:
> 
>  _Miew_ =Egyptian=cat (because that’s totally what Lavi would say to Yuu scratchin’ him up)
> 
>  _Yabhati_ =Sanskrit=fuck
> 
>  _Bei_ =Mayan=yes
> 
>  _Mein Gott_ =German=My God
> 
>  _Kalos_ =Greek=good
> 
>  _Je t’aime_ =French=I love you
> 
>  _Nur ein Schwein, trinkt allein_ =German=Only a pig drinks alone (rhyming German drinking phrase. We don’t know why it’s pigs—if someone knows, please tell us.)
> 
> List of words we can’t say without laughing: Nipple, erection, expanding. :P


	21. Give Me Novocaine

Chapter 19—Give Me Novocaine

__October 1, 2013—Yuu’s Room

A giddy feeling flitted clenchingly through Lavi’s stomach as he looked down at Yuu’s face. For the first time that he could remember, the dark-haired Japanese man was smiling in his sleep, his brow unfurrowed, and a look of complete _peace_ on his slack face. Lavi reached down and brushed a strand of hair from the other man’s cheek. He noted a very light scar there but ignored it, drinking in the view and fixing it irrevocably in his mind.

He did wish he could have something to read, though. Not that Yuu was boring, but Lavi always felt most at peace watching Yuu sleep as he read a nice, good book. He had realized this when Yuu had been despondent.

Yuu’s smile grew a bit, and he mumbled something incoherent that sounded convincingly like “ _Rabi._ ” Lavi’s heart melted, and he carded his hand through Yuu’s hair again. It was so soft and silky, and it was fun to play with. He relished the fact that he could now—although he doubted that Yuu would allow him to braid it. He still thought the other man would look damn sexy in a braid. But Yuu didn’t think so. It was an unfortunate state of affairs, but Lavi would have to wear his—what was Yuu now? Could he be considered a lover? Well, whatever he was, Lavi would wear him down eventually.

There came a light knock on the door, and Lavi was suddenly glad that he had locked it.

“Lavi? Kanda-kun?” Lenalee asked tentatively, and the redhead groaned. Of all the people to check on them first… of _course_ it would be Lenalee.

“Er, Yuu’s asleep, so could you come back later?” Lavi called out softly, desperately wishing she’d take his advice. This was not something she should see. He surveyed the room—clothes were strewn everywhere. Yuu’s comforter was at the opposite side of the room (when had it gotten over there?), and Lavi saw the tube of lube lying discarded next to the bed. Add in a sexily naked Yuu, a twice-broken headboard, and an equally naked Lavi, and it wasn’t hard to guess just what had gone down the night before.

“Is everything okay?” Lenalee asked, her voice now layered with thick worry. “I was worried about Kanda-kun… with everything last night.”

Lavi sighed quietly. Of _course_ Lenalee would remember that. Really, she was too caring for her own good, but now was _not_ the time for her to be upset. He had to think of something that would make her leave.

“Yeah, everything’s fine!” Lavi said, throwing in some of his elation from last night’s… activities.

“You sound a little too cheerful, Lavi. Are you lying to me?”

When had Lenalee become so astute? “No, everything’s fine!” Lavi insisted. “Seriously!”

“Lavi, I’m breaking the lock. Something’s definitely wrong.”

“No!” Lavi shouted in horror. “Lenalee! Don’t! Yuu’s asleep, and he’s—”

“He’s unconscious again, isn’t he?” Lenalee asked, her voice riddled with suspicion.

“Well, he is asleep, but—” Lavi started.

“I’m coming in.” And she broke down the door. Lavi was sitting up in the bed, covers in hand and astoundingly naked. And Lenalee saw it all.

She blushed royally. “You… you sleep naked?” She asked in a small voice, and Lavi thanked his lucky stars that she was naïve enough to only be concerned about the nakedness.

“Er, yeah,” Lavi said, flushing and sitting back down, throwing the cover back over him. Lenalee… had seen… him… Allen would never forgive him for scarring Lenalee.

“You guys are really messy,” Lenalee commented, walking in nonchalantly and opening the window.

“Er, yeah, well, Yuu was mad last night, and well…” Lavi trailed off, blushing, too flustered to be able to continue convincingly.

“Oh, is that how the headboard got broken?” Lenalee asked pleasantly.

“Yeah,” Lavi said, glad to tell at least one truth. “Yuu hit it… twice.”

“But Lavi, there’s three indentations,” Lenalee said.

“Oh… maybe he hit it a third time when I wasn’t paying attention?” Lavi suggested, and Lenalee nodded thoughtfully. When _had_ he hit the headboard again? Lavi found himself severely lacking in details of the night before. It would have been distressing, except that he couldn’t find himself regretting anything about the previous night.

“Why hasn’t Kanda-kun woken up yet?” Lenalee asked, obviously worried.

“He really tired himself out last night,” Lavi hedged, hoping that Lenalee wouldn’t question his half-truth.

“Well, I would imagine so. It really smells like sweat in here. You should keep the window open, let the room air out.”

“Er, will do,” Lavi said, and Lenalee thankfully walked to the door. She folded their jackets and placed them in a pile atop their shirts.

“You should really fold your clothes, too, otherwise they’ll get all wrinkly,” Lenalee scolded lightly. Lavi nodded blankly. “Anything else I can get you?”

“Er, no, I think we’re good.”

“Tell me when Kanda-kun wakes up, okay?” Lenalee asked, and Lavi felt glad that Yuu had someone to worry after him like that.

“Alright, I will,” Lavi promised, and he meant it. A little phone call wouldn’t kill him.

Lenalee left the room, closing the door lightly behind her. “Oh, hi, Allen,” she said brightly, and Lavi nearly smacked his head in exasperation.

“Hi, Lenalee. Why are you around Kanda’s room?”

“Oh, I was worried about him.”

“Is he okay?”

“Oh, yeah, he’s fine. He’s still asleep, though. He tired himself out last night, according to Lavi. You know, he punched the headboard?”

“Really?” Allen asked, and he sounded suspicious.

“Yeah, three times, actually. And it smells really bad in there, so I opened a window. Oh, did you know? Lavi sleeps naked.” She whispered the last bit, sounding scandalized

“Really? Er, listen, Lenalee, I—er, Amanda is looking for you, er, on the Ark, so why don’t you go look for her?”

“Sure, Allen.”

“Bye, then.”

“Bye.”

A moment later, Allen knocked on the door. Lavi sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Yes?” He asked, and the white-haired boy walked in.

“So… er… Kanda _tired himself out_ , huh?” He asked, his voice dripping with mischievousness.

“Yeah,” Lavi said.

“How… _wild_ ,” Allen stated. “You look rather tired. Did you not sleep well? Or enough?”

“Well, I _tired myself out_ , too,” Lavi replied, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Ah,” Allen said. “Looks like you tired the headboard out, too.”

“No, that was Yuu,” Lavi said with a genuinely amused smile.

“Nice,” Allen chuckled.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I’m rather naked here, because, you know, I _sleep_ naked and all. So if you could…”

“Ah, I suppose you want to _sleep_ some more. I’ll leave you be.” Allen grinned widely and suggestively at Lavi and pulled the door closed behind him as he left. Lavi got up and tried to lock it again. But then he remembered that Lenalee had broken it. He propped Yuu’s desk chair up against the knob and walked back to bed, ignoring the tiny urge to pee. _Sleep now,_ he thought. _Piss later._

\---

The next time Lavi awoke, it was nearly three in the afternoon, and Yuu was tossing about, groaning every once in a while.

“Yuu?” He asked softly, poking the other man lightly.

“I’m trying to sleep, rabbit. Go away,” the other man grumbled, and Lavi’s worry floated away.

“Well, you could try waking up, _ne?_ ” Lavi said, hugging the man from behind.

“No, I don’t want to. I was having a good dream.”

“Oh? What did you dream about?” Lavi asked, curious as to what had brought the smile to Yuu’s face.

Lavi watched as Yuu’s entire body blushed. “Come on, Yuu-chan, tell me,” Lavi said, pulling the man closer until skin met skin. Yuu froze, and Lavi hoped the Japanese man would forgive him for not letting go.

“Wait… it actually happened?” Yuu asked, his voice blank with shock. Lavi snickered.

“Yes. What, you don’t remember?” Lavi felt a bit offended. Had he been that bad?

“I thought it was a dream,” Yuu confessed in a gruff mumble.

“Nope, it was very real—was it a _very_ good dream?”

Yuu said nothing, but Lavi took his silence as an affirmative gesture. Yuu still had trouble expressing his emotions, and Lavi could do nothing but accept that. But still, he wanted to know just what Yuu’s feelings for him were.

“By the way, what am I supposed to call you?” Lavi asked after the momentary pause.

“What?” Yuu sounded bewildered at the sudden shift in conversation.

“Well, I mean, we’re definitely together—everyone can see that—and I definitely love you, and I know you said you _like_ me. But I don’t want to call you something like ‘boyfriend,’ because that’s girlish and… wrong, somehow. It’s… inadequate. But we aren’t technically lovers, because you don’t love me, even though we’ve slept with each other, so where does that put us, relationship-wise?”

Yuu turned around to face Lavi, and his eyes were filled with an emotion Lavi had never seen.

“But, I…” He looked away and made two little grunts of seeming frustration. “I…” He sighed exasperatedly and turned around again, scowling at the wall.

“You what?” Lavi asked, genuinely curious as to what his—whatever Yuu was—had been about to say.

“Nothing. Never mind, rabbit.” Yuu sounded extremely perturbed.

Lavi grumbled but accepted he wouldn’t get anything else out of the other man at this time.

“But anyway, what do I call you?”

“Whatever you want, _Baka Usagi_.” He sounded almost… resigned.

“Well, then… er, would you mind ‘lovers,’ just for simplicity’s sake?” Lavi asked, and the Japanese man shivered against him. Lavi knew it wasn’t from cold. “Oh, HOLY SHIT, I have to _piss!_ ” Lavi exclaimed, and quickly pulling on his boxers and pants, he ran from the room. He heard an exasperated “ _Che_ ” as he left, and he couldn’t help but smile as he sprinted to the facilities.

\---

As they walked into the cafeteria for dinner a few hours later, a loud cheer erupted around them. Soldiers, Science Departmenters, Finders, and Exorcists alike applauded and whistled. It was a quiet applause, one filled with many winces and grimaces of pain, but it was applause nonetheless, and Lavi couldn’t help but wave at the attention.

“Don’t encourage them,” Yuu said, grabbing Lavi’s hand from the air and slapping it to his side.

“But Yuu…” Lavi started, but the other man glared at him, and he quieted. It wasn’t worth Yuu’s ire.

Sitting on the bench, Lavi did his best not to smile or promote the others’ actions in any way. Justin came up and patted him on the back, and Siegfried crawled onto his head, where he curled up and fell asleep. The redhead rather thought this was what Allen felt when Timcanpy nested in his hair.

“How… do you all know?” He asked incredulously, and Amanda laughed uproariously, eliciting winces all around.

“Well, you see, that’s a funny story,” she said, a bright smile playing on her lips. She didn’t look at all hung over. “Well, when Kanda stormed out and you followed, one of the Finders just happened to be walking down the hall at the same time, and he was like, ‘holy shit, Kanda’s going to murder Lavi, I should follow in case I need to stop it,’ and then he heard a bit of yelling, and then he heard your… noises. So he went and told Allen, who told me, and I told Darcy, who told Lolek and some soldiers, and Lolek told Miranda, who told the _Director_ , who told the entire Science Department, and somewhere along the line, Allen told Justin as well, and he told pretty much everyone else, and somehow, the rest of the Finders found out—probably from the first one—and it’s all just one big… chain of words. Or something,” she finished lamely.

The room went silent as Lenalee walked in. Allen whispered to Amanda, “remember, tell her and you die.” The voice was that of Allen’s infamous dark side, and Lavi felt a shiver go down his spine. By the sudden quietness of the room, Lavi could tell the same threat had been repeated to the entire Order.

“Morning, everyone!” Lenalee said cheerfully, taking a seat next to Yuu. “Why are you all so quiet?”

“We’re all hung over,” Amanda grimaced, obviously acting. “Aren’t you?”

“No, I feel fine,” Lenalee said with a large smile.

“How? You had a whole bottle of tequila!” Amanda exclaimed, dropping her act a bit. Lavi would have to instruct her in that particular art someday. She had amazing potential.

“I really don’t know,” Lenalee replied. From the guilty look in Allen’s eye, Lavi suspected he had replaced it with juice or water at some point. Lenalee turned to Yuu and gasped. “Oh my God, Kanda-kun, that’s a really large bruise!” She pointed to the base of Yuu’s neck.

Yuu froze, and Lavi fought the urge to snicker.

“Oh, that was from me!” Lavi said. At Allen’s murderous glare, his smile withered, so he added, “I… hit him because he… broke the headboard with his fist. Three times. I… didn’t mean to hit him that hard, though. But he’s not upset!”

“I don’t know, he looks pretty angry, Lavi,” Lenalee commented uneasily.

“I’m just tired,” Yuu said, scowling. Lavi shivered. He was going to be killed later. But it was worth it.

The conversation fizzled out into something that contained a little less innuendo, and Lavi spread a good amount of strawberry jam on his morning toast. The mood gradually changed to something darker, more somber, as everyone remembered exactly why they were exhausted and had hangovers. Eventually, the table fell silent, and the rest of the hall followed suit after a while. It was the first time Lavi could remember the dining hall being so quiet, even after some of the mass deaths of the Finders and Exorcists in the past. He looked around and saw Vikram walk in with Emiko. He looked inconsolable, and he was dressed in a black Armani suit.

“Everyone who wants to attend Choon-yei’s funeral, it’s in fifteen minutes in the Science Department. The soldiers are being laid to rest there as well. Unfortunately, we can’t send them back, so they’ll all be cremated.”

Lavi’s heart sank. How many more had died in the last week? He knew about Choon-yei’s death, as well as the deaths of the fifty soldiers and six Finders from Tama-chan’s group. He had heard Emiko use that nickname, and it stuck, much to the General’s displeasure. But really, this was no time to be joking. He grabbed Yuu’s hand and pulled him away from the bench to follow the somber Indian Exorcist.

“Let go, rabbit,” Yuu protested as he was half-tugged, half-dragged across the dining hall.

“No. You told me not to respect your bounds anymore, so I’m not,” Lavi said lightly, squeezing Yuu’s hand affectionately.

“I take it back, now unhand me.”

“Don’t think I will.” When they reached the doors, Lavi swept a foot under Yuu’s legs, twirling the man into a low dip as he fell. Smirking, he kissed Yuu in front of the entire Order. And there was definitely tongue.

Something very solid connected with his cheek, and Lavi accidentally dropped the other man the last few centimeters to the ground. Lavi went sprawling backward and stared at the lights on the ceiling, blinking in bewilderment.

He watched in confusion as Amanda nonchalantly walked over and held out a hand to his lover. A great pool of happiness filled his stomach at that particular word, and Lavi smiled despite his precarious position on the floor. Suddenly, he was wrenched up, and he came face-to-face with Allen, who looked like he was holding back an evil cackle.

“Serves you right,” Allen said, his voice deep and his eyes shining with his dark side. “You know you did that in front of Lenalee, right?”

Lavi gulped and bolted for the door. As he passed Yuu’s angry form, he thought he heard a snicker, but Yuu didn’t laugh, so he must have heard someone else.

Thirteen minutes later, all the Exorcists and Science Departmenters had gathered in the large hall. Lavi nearly staggered and felt his jaw drop. The entire room was piled with coffins to be burned, and in the center of them all was a raised casket with an ornate cross decorating its top. There was almost no room to stand, and friends of the Finders and soldiers were pressed against the wall, weeping. Lavi wondered how many of the caskets contained only ashes.

A small sermon was said over the fallen soldiers and Finders, and each casket was removed until only Choon-yei’s ornate one was left. A hollow sob ripped through the air, and Lavi looked over to see a middle-aged man with a young couple and several small children next to him. He gazed forlornly at Choon-yei’s casket, and a tear fell from his eye.

“She was like a mother to me,” Lavi heard Vikram sob quietly, and when he turned to look at the Indian man, he saw Emiko holding him gently to her chest.

“It’s okay,” she whispered consolingly. Vikram shook his head, and Lavi felt the moment was too private and looked away. His eyes immediately sought Yuu out, and he slipped up next to the older man.

Yuu turned away in an obvious snub, and despite the fact that he deserved it; Lavi felt a wave of depression hit him. He felt just a degree cooler. He sniffed a little. The other man sighed exasperatedly and turned around, glowering at Lavi.

“Don’t do it again,” he said in a dangerously low voice. Lavi nodded emphatically. Yuu pulled him into a tiny, short-lasting hug that ended as fast as a bolt of lightning.

And then it was time for them to see Choon-yei off on her final journey back to Korea. As they stood outside in the light rain—it was always raining in London—Lavi slipped his hand into Yuu’s. This time, the man didn’t pull away. He simply remained stoic and solid at Lavi’s side. Lavi watched as Vikram gave the young couple and kids sad hugs.

“Take care of her,” he said to them, and they nodded. “I’ll come visit her grave when this entire mess is over.”

Long after everyone—including Emiko and Vikram, who had watched the family until they were out of sight—had gone back in, Lavi and Yuu stayed outside in the rain, hands clasped, simply enjoying the other’s company. Time stood still. When they went back in, they had duties as Exorcists. Tamas’s and Lenalee’s groups were merging in order to redouble the efforts to find Artemis, but they wouldn’t leave until another group of soldiers and Finders arrived. But right now, everything was frozen in place, unmoving and mournfully beautiful. The trees were burnt orange and copper, yellow and red, and the wind was crisp. Even though everything had a sad, bitter tinge to it, Lavi couldn’t help but feel that everything was _right_ : Yuu’s warm hand in his, the fall air, the bright sky, everything.

But like every moment, it ended, and they were brought back to their duties as they had been every day. Yuu went to train with his sword, and Lavi sat in his room, poring over file after file of the Earl’s activities, trying to estimate a position. Soldiers ran drills in the background, and Finders came and went. Members of the Science Department mumbled random formulas quietly as they developed new, more powerful weapons for the soldiers and better equipment for everyone. If Choon-yei’s death had any meaning, it was this: the war had begun, and it would rage, full-tilt, until one side was decimated. Lavi could only hope it was the other one.

\---

_October 3, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

Emiko wished Vikram would stop being an idiot and just let her in. She had been banging on his bedroom door for about half an hour. Fed up, she opened the door, even though ladies didn’t barge in.

“Vikram,” she began, “you’ve been in here for two days. It’s time to come out—locking yourself up isn’t going to bring her back.”

She watched as Vikram tied a strand of something around a rarely-used set of carnelian prayer beads. Emiko remembered them from their youth. Vikram had once said his father had given them to him. They were different from his Innocence, which resembled aventurine, and Emiko knew they meant much, much more. Vikram gave out a small sniff, and when he looked up, he smiled sadly at her.

“Choon-yei’s hair—I took it back.” He sounded devious, and his smile matched his tone. Emiko felt better about her friend. Perhaps he would be able to get over it quicker than she’d thought.

“You would,” she said, sending a fond smile down at him. Then, she sat next to him on the bed, legs tucked under her and slightly off to the side. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, though, what did Choon-yei mean, ‘you need to forgive your mother?’”

Vikram winced slightly, but he sighed. “I knew you were going to ask that. It’s just… I… well, my mother hates me. The last thing she said to me was ‘I never want to see your face again.’”

Emiko gasped, horrified. “Why?” She squeaked.

“She’s Christian. I’m Hindu like Dad. She took me to church with her one day—it was the day after my dad gave me these beads,” he held them up, grimacing, “and I was so proud to wear them that I had them on my arm when I went with her. The Priest wanted to take them away, and I told him no. But he tried to wrench them off my arm, and I was so angry that I kicked him.” Vikram paused, looking around the room as if afraid someone would overhear. “In the balls,” he finished.

Emiko snickered, but she caught herself. Ladies did not laugh at others’ pain.

“Mom got so angry, and then I got angry, too, so I ran away. Then the Exorcists found me, and they took me to the Order before I could even clear things up with her—not that she would want to, seeing as she hates me. I don’t think she even knows I’m alive.”

Emiko put a comforting hand on his leg, and after a moment, he placed one of his own atop her wrist.

“I’m sure she didn’t mean it,” she said, and Vikram shook his head.

“You didn’t see her face that day. She obviously hates me.”

“But do you hate her?” Emiko asked. There was a long silence as Vikram considered her words.

“No,” he finally whispered. They sat in silence for a long time. Eventually, Vikram looked at her, a grief-ridden expression on his face.

“I’m sorry,” he said gravely. Emiko raised an eyebrow.

“For what?” She asked, thoroughly confused.

“For not looking for you harder,” he said. Emiko cast her mind about, trying to understand what he was talking about. Finally giving up, she gave him a contemplative look.

“Looking for me?” She asked.

“It was my fault… that you disappeared,” he muttered quietly, looking down at his lap, where his hand was now resting on hers. She realized what he was talking about.

“That was a long time ago, it’s in the past. You were ten, there was nothing you could have done,” she said, her voice just as hushed.

“Why aren’t you blaming me? If I hadn’t—”

“I don’t blame you. You couldn’t have done anything—”

“But I made you go with us that day. If I had just let you read, then you’d be—”

“I’d be what, Vikram? What would I be?” Why couldn’t Vikram understand that nothing had been his fault? Chu-chan had accepted it, but Vikram couldn’t. And even though Emiko carried a strange self-identity because of the whole thing, she had never blamed her friends.

“You’d be…”

“What? Normal? Because in this Order, no one’s normal, Vikram,” Emiko bit out, laughing humorlessly in an unladylike manner.

“But it’s still my fault. We all know something happened to you in those seven months. I mean, fuck, Emiko, we thought you were _dead._ ” Tears were swimming in Vikram’s eyes, and a vague thought hit Emiko that perhaps she shouldn’t push this topic while the Indian boy was still raw and hurting from Choon-yei’s death.

“It’s _not_ your fault, and I’ve never blamed you. I blame Road!” There. Emiko had said it. The one thing she had kept from everyone.

“What?” Vikram stared blankly at her, uncomprehending.

“Road… took me. It’s her fault, not yours,” Emiko said softly, looking away and shifting uncomfortably.

“But _I_ was the reason you were there for the taking in the first place!” Vikram insisted, and Emiko did something she had never done before. She hauled off and smacked him, throwing all her body weight into it.

“Stop _thinking_ that!” She screeched, unable to contain the overflowing emotions anymore. “Road took me and made me into a girl, and when I was returned, I _couldn’t_ go back to being Sasaki, because I didn’t know _how_ , and you _blaming yourself_ for the whole thing isn’t helping!”

Vikram looked shocked, and he brought his free hand up to his reddening cheek. His brown eyes were wide, and he stared at her sadly, guiltily.

“I just miss Sasaki,” he whispered. A tear fell from one eye.

“Well, you can’t have him back,” Emiko snapped. Vikram flinched. “Sasaki died when Road forced him to be Emiko.”

“Now I think you’re just lying, because I know Sasaki’s still there. He’s still there, because every time you get upset, your voice goes deeper. He’s still there because when you hit me, there’s a man’s power behind it. He’s still there because you’re _not a girl._ ”

“Would you prefer I dress like a guy, Vikram? Is that what you want?” Emiko shouted, wrenching her hand from his.

Vikram shook his head, and Emiko thought she saw a momentary flash of hurt in his eyes, but it was gone before she could double-check. “I just want you to be yourself,” he finally said, his voice soft and deep and hurt.

Emiko felt her expression soften, but she didn’t want to be worried about him now.

“You’re a jerk sometimes, Vikram,” she said, and she stormed from the room, tears already pouring down her face.

Slamming the door helped her mood lift a bit, but she couldn’t forget what Vikram had said to her. _I’m not a boy anymore,_ she thought angrily to herself, stomping to her own room before she broke down completely in the hallway. _Road took that away from me._

She threw herself on her bed, and she cried herself to sleep, and the next morning when she looked in the mirror, she felt different. Staring back at her was not Emiko. For the first time since she was seven, she saw Sasaki in her reflection. For some reason, that made her feel at peace, like something was starting to fix itself in her broken little world of manners and femininity.

\---

_October 3, 2013—Noah’s Ark, Faith’s Room_

The bright sun shone in through the window, riding in through a cheery breeze. It hit Faith lightly, and it swirled around her skin, cooling her. She smiled lightly and looked out at the beautiful day. There were no clouds, only shining blue sky that extended on past her line of vision. Everything was so sweet and nice and beautiful, and she suddenly wanted to share it with someone.

“Road!” She called aloud, mentally summoning her favorite sister to her. A moment later, an ornate, quilted door appeared, and Road stepped out.

“Faith!” She exclaimed, smiling brightly and running over to give Faith a hug.

“Hi, Road.” Faith looked up at her dearest sister and couldn’t contain the feeling of pure joy and contentment that pooled in her stomach.

“Is there anything you need, Faith?” Road asked, looking worried.

“Oh, no, not at all. I was just lonely,” Faith replied, and Road pulled up a chair next to her.

“I miss them all, too,” she said, and Faith knew exactly what she was talking about. All their fallen brothers and sisters—Tyki, Jasdero, David, Skin, Cyril, Lulu, Charlie, and Sarah. True, most of them were not the nicest of people. Faith actually despised Cyril, and she was not fond of Lulubell, either, but she loved them all despite their faults. They were her kin, after all.

“Especially Tyki,” Faith said, smiling sadly.

“Especially Tyki,” Road echoed.

“Why the long faces, my dears ?” The Earl’s voice said, and when Faith looked up, he was standing there, smiling widely as he always did.

“Hi, Earl!” Faith said, smiling back at him. She hadn’t seen him in a long time. Even though she was disappointed with his plans for the Exorcists, she still loved him, too. He was the Earl, after all. “We’re not sad, just lonely.”

“Well, I have good news for you !” He said. Road got up and grabbed Lero, who had followed the Earl into the room. Swinging his head lightly into her palm, she smiled.

“I’m sorry, Faith, but I have homework to do. I don’t like Geometry, so I was procrastinating. If you need me, I’ll be back, though.” She smiled again and created a door. Faith heard Lero’s protests until it finally closed behind the two.

“What’s the good news, Earl?” Faith asked. Maybe he had finally given up the idea of killing her Heart, and he would focus instead on whatever he had originally been doing, whatever that was.

“I have a great plan this time. It’s going to be apocalyptic in proportion ,” he informed her.

Faith furrowed her brow. “I don’t understand, Earl. What are you going to do?”

He told her, and Faith understood at once the consequences of this course of action. It would, indeed, be apocalyptic, and it was completely unnecessary.

“Earl, I don’t think it’s a good plan. I don’t think you should do it. Please, don’t do it,” Faith pleaded, but the Earl turned around and produced a glass of water.

“Would you like some water, Faith ?” He asked pleasantly, ignoring her pleas.

“How did you know I was thirsty?” She asked in wonder, taking the glass and drinking deeply.

“We are all connected here; of course I would know that Noah is thirsty ,” he responded lightly. Faith finished off the glass, and the world began to spin. She was so dizzy.

“I feel a bit dizzy. Earl, can you carry me to the bed?” She asked. He pulled her gently into his arms and fulfilled her request. As she lay down, a wave of fatigue washed over her. “I’m so tired…” she mumbled, her eyes drooping. She blinked, trying to stay awake, but suddenly her eyes were closed.

\---

The first thing Faith saw was Sarah sitting next to her, smiling serenely and running her hands through the ancient girl’s hair.

“Sarah,” she said, smiling. She hadn’t dreamt of her in a while. Looking around, she noticed all her fallen kin. They all stood, smiling just as serenely as Sarah, and Faith thought they looked very glad to see her.

“Faith,” she said, and the rest of them all echoed her. “It has been a long time since we’ve last spoken. I’ve missed you.”

“Me too,” Faith said, wrapping her arms around the older, blonde girl.

“We have much to talk about,” Cyril said, coming to hug Faith as well. The rest of her kin followed suit, and soon they were a large mass of Noah, all hugging and smiling. Faith’s heart swelled. She had missed them all.

“This is a nice dream,” Faith said, drinking in the sight before her. All of her family—each member so important to her—and they were here. With her. It could only be a dream. They were all dead, especially Sarah.

“This isn’t a dream, sweetie,” Sarah said softly, hugging Faith again. “We’re all here with you.”

“That’s just what my dream would tell me,” Faith said, sobering a little. Still, she couldn’t help but enjoy their company.

\---

_October 4, 2013—Allen’s Ark_

Emiko walked out into the sunlight of Allen’s Ark’s Main Plaza. She had been avoiding her duties after Choon-yei’s funeral, but she needed to get back to them, and since they had nothing else to do, she decided to help train the soldiers who were trickling slowly in. They wouldn’t all be replenished for a few more days, but Emiko knew they all needed training right away.

Her pants felt strange and loose, far too comfortable. She hadn’t worn such loose, relaxed clothes since she was a child. She found she missed them, even if they were Chu-chan’s. She had a point to make to Vikram today. She was Emiko, she was Sasaki—she was them both. No matter what form she was in, she was who she was, and she could never go back to a younger version of herself.

Tying her hair into a low ponytail, she turned to face her small group of soldiers.

“Okay, troops, you all are inexperienced at fighting, and I’m here to make you better. We have a few main rules here in the Order: follow the orders of any Exorcist, run if they tell you to, don’t fight anything higher than a Level Two Akuma, and don’t get hit by Akuma bullets,” she said, facing each one of them in turn. They all nodded emphatically, and Emiko didn’t know whether that was caused by fear or by a thirst to prove themselves. She fervently hoped it was fear. Perhaps it would keep them alive a good time longer.

“Also, you’re all going to die, so if you want to leave, we won’t blame you. There’s one hour in the night that absolutely no one is awake for. If you disappear, well, maybe an Akuma got you?”

It had been Allen’s idea. Allowing the soldiers the possibility of escape, of a life, seemed very important to him. They hadn’t had a choice, and Allen wanted the soldiers to have one. Not many of them took that option, but none of the Exorcists ever blamed the ones who did. Except Kanda, but Emiko thought that he was only angry that he couldn’t take the same exit. Or perhaps, Kanda just hated deserters. Emiko shrugged infinitesimally to herself and continued staring down the line of fresh soldiers.

She took a double take at the presence of a Japanese soldier, but she moved on, not giving the young man a second thought.

“Alright, then, drop into push-up position, and give me twenty,” she ordered.

“Emiko?” Said a very familiar deep voice from behind her, and she looked around to see Vikram standing there.

“Yes?” She asked archly.

“Why aren’t you in drag?” Short and sweet and to the point. Just like Vikram. Emiko felt her anger melt away. She just couldn’t stay upset at Vikram, no matter how much he annoyed and hurt her.

“It’s to prove a point, if you must know,” she replied haughtily, turning from him to face her soldiers again.

“What?” Vikram sounded both hurt and confused, but Emiko couldn’t make herself care. He deserved at least a little snub.

“What are you pansies doing? Backs straight, ladies!” Emiko barked in an unladylike fashion. The soldiers stared at her angrily, but she ignored it, instead kicking people into the proper position. She stomped on the head of the Japanese kid as she passed him.

“Don’t talk,” she said. “And your head’s too high. What’s your name and rank?”

“Morikawa Hiroshi, Private First Class,” the boy responded, and Emiko lost her balance, driving the boy’s face into the cobblestones as she fell.

“Hiro-chan?” She asked incredulously. She took the boy’s face in her hands and stared intensely into his eyes. They were the exact same brown, and there was that freckle beneath his eye, the one hidden by his eyelashes. Though his jaw was stronger and his shoulders had broadened, there was no denying that this was Hiroshi. Her dearest _itouto_ , Hiro-chan. Tears filled her eyes.

“…Sa…sa-nii-chan?” Hiro-chan asked, his voice breathless and disbelieving. His eyes were widened with acute wonder.

“Is that really you, Hiro-chan?” Emiko asked, patting the boy’s face in incredulity. Why the hell was her younger brother here? Japan was the biggest pacifist country she’d ever known. The only time they had sided in a war was in World War Two, when the Germans had come, asking for a favor. Japan had owed them for rebuilding their country after the Earl destroyed it, and so they had joined the war on the Axis’s side. But beside that, Japan had remained completely neutral in every other event.

“Sasa-nii-chan?” Hiro-chan looked as if he had seen a ghost.

“Of course,” Emiko said. Hiro-chan turned and stared at the others, who were all on their hands and knees, slacking on their push-ups.

“Hey, guys, is there a guy here, in front of me, calling me Hiro-chan?” He asked, and a few of the other soldiers snickered.

“’Course, mate. That’s Emiko. Don’t know why she’s not dressed all girly today, though,” said one who had been with them since September. He had been put in charge of this group of soldiers.

“Emiko?” Hiro-chan asked blankly, turning around and staring Emiko straight in the eyes. “Sasa-nii-chan, what are they talking about?”

Emiko opened and closed her mouth a few times, floundering as she tried to think of a way to explain this change. After all, she’d been a guy when she’d been taken from home. “The war changes people. It’s how I cope,” she said, looking away. It was an utterly incomplete explanation, and there was nearly no truth to it.

“I don’t understand,” Hiro-chan said, and his face scrunched up in that cute confused look he only gave her. She resisted the urge to hug him. She had forgotten how adorable her little brother had been.

“Yeah, why are you dressed like a guy, Major Emiko?” The oldest soldier asked.

“Because I am one,” she said absently, still looking at her younger brother with something akin to awe. He really had grown.

“I still don’t understand,” Hiro-chan reiterated. “You’re… dead.”

Emiko shook her head sadly. “I never died. I just disappeared for a while. When I returned, the Order thought it a courtesy not to inform you.”

“ _Okaa-san_ cries every time you’re mentioned! She locks herself in her room on your birthday! She hasn’t been the same since you left, and when you died, she nearly cut herself off from the world!” Hiro-chan yelled, and Emiko thought she saw tears swimming in his eyes.

“I was kidnapped, okay? And when I was returned seven months later, I _thought I was a girl!_ I can’t see myself as a boy anymore, and I haven’t been Sasaki since—not the Sasaki everyone remembers. I’m a broken person— _Okaa-san_ doesn’t need to see that. _Otou-san_ , either,” Emiko yelled back, and womanly tears fell from her eyes.

“It’d still be good to know you’re alive, Sasa-nii! How did you think I felt when I heard my _nii-chan_ got _killed_ in _war_ when he was _seven!_ ”

“Probably really shitty! But that’s nothing compared to what I felt, so shut up, Hiro-chan! I just want to forget about it!” Emiko pounded a fist into the ground. Her voice had gone lower, lower than it had ever been before. She knew instinctively that it was resting at what would be its normal pitch. She didn’t like it. It reminded her of unpleasant, unladylike things. And it made her swear.

Hiro-chan sniveled a little, but he didn’t shout back. Obviously, he realized Emiko wasn’t going to change her mind.

“It’s okay,” he said slowly after a while, “instead of a _nii-chan_ , I have a _nee-chan_.”

Emiko smiled humorlessly. “Don’t tell _Okaa-san_ and _Otou-san_ , _ne_?”

“Why not? They should know you’re alive, at least,” Hiro-chan said.

“Because I’m probably going to die anyway! And you, too! You’re dead! Go home. Take the hour opportunity, because otherwise you’re going to die, and I couldn’t live with myself if I let it happen,” Emiko exclaimed, though she kept her voice low. Hiro-chan looked troubled.

“I can’t do that,” he said quietly.

“I don’t care if you can’t. Go home to everyone _._ They shouldn’t have to suffer through two children dying. Mimi-chan’s still too young to enlist, right?” Hiroshi was bad enough, but if her little sister who had been born just months before she’d left got involved in the war, Emiko didn’t know what she’d do.

“Mimi’s nearly eighteen. She’s planning on going to college, though,” Hiro-chan said, and Emiko relaxed.

“Thank goodness,” she sighed, a smile breaking out on her face. “If you aren’t going to leave, well… I couldn’t live with her death on my hands, too.”

“I’m still telling them you’re alive, Sasa-nii-chan,” Hiro-chan said, pulling a phone from his army uniform’s pocket.

“No!” Emiko shouted, panicked, and she batted a hand out, slapping it to the ground. Activating her Innocence, she invoked its second level and threw a green-glowing, gray shuriken at it. It snapped neatly in two, and Emiko immediately felt relieved. Her heartbeat was already beginning to slow from the abrupt adrenaline rush.

“What the hell was that for, Sasaki?” Her little brother shouted, outraged.

“They can’t know I’m alive, okay? If they do, they’ll just end up losing me again! I’m lucky I’ve made it this far! General Green is already gone, as are two of the others, and they’re supposed to be the strongest of us. I’ve lost so many comrades, but the Innocence can always find another host, and it does. I’ve seen so many people die in this war, Finders and Exorcists alike, and I don’t want to give everyone hope that I may come out of this, because I know I won’t.” Emiko burst into tears and ran off. She didn’t know where he was, but she needed Vikram.

She ran to his room in the Ark but didn’t see him there. Tears blinded her as she pounded frantically down the unfamiliar hallways of the Main Branch. She threw open random doors, one time walking in on two very tear-blurred people doing something on a bed, until she found the still depressed-looking Indian boy.

“Vikram!” She shouted desperately, and she threw herself into his arms, surprising him. They fell back so that she was on top of him, but he wrapped his arms around her nonetheless. She sobbed hard into his shoulder, clutching at the fabric of his Exorcist jacket.

“E-Emiko? What’s wrong?” Vikram asked, his voice shocked and worried. Emiko could only let her body buck with the force of her cries.

“I-I can’t let h-h-him stay h-here!” She wailed, pulling herself even closer. Vikram froze and shifted his weight a moment later. It felt like he was pulling away, and Emiko couldn’t stand that.

“Wait, what are we talking about, Emi?” He sounded bewildered. Stifling tears, she explained what had just come to pass.

“So your brother is here?” He asked, and for some reason, his breathing was getting slightly ragged. Emiko wondered what was wrong with him, but she couldn’t concentrate on that. She just needed to be near him. Even if he would never feel the same way.

“ _Nn_.” She nodded into his chest.

“Hey, Emiko, it’s okay. He won’t tell your parents—I’ll make sure of it, okay?” He reassured her quietly, running his hands up and down her back. She nodded again, and he shifted once more. She clung tighter. “So… why are you dressing like a guy again?” He asked after a while.

“I… I just wanted to show you that I’m the same person no matter how I dress,” she said sadly, shaking her head. Laughing humorlessly, she added, “not that you seemed to notice.”

Vikram stirred again. “I noticed,” he said, and his voice was strangled. She lifted her head to look into his eyes, and she noticed they had darkened a bit.

“You did?” She asked softly, almost pitifully. Her voice was high-pitched again, and it was very, very small.

“Of course,” he said, looking away. He still spoke in that strangled voice, and Emiko wondered what was wrong with him.

“What’s wrong with—” she started, adjusting herself so that she was sitting on his stomach. His eyes widened, and he pushed her off abruptly, running from the room.

“Sorry, Emi! I have to pee!”

Emiko watched him leave, completely mystified. She left the room soon afterward, following his route to the bathroom. When she entered, she heard a gasping moan and stopped in her tracks. _Oh,_ she thought. _I get it._ She made a hasty retreat back to Vikram’s room, feeling quite pleased with herself. Maybe there was hope after all.

\---

_October 10, 2013—Noah’s Ark, Faith’s Room_

Faith couldn’t wake up. She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, but she knew it had been a while, and it had to stop. She wasn’t sleepy anymore. She just wanted to wake up, talk to Road, have fun, and forget. Being with all her fallen kin was nice. They were kind to her, and they all spent a good time together, but Faith knew it wasn’t real, and she needed to get out of here. She couldn’t feel either Road or Chaz, and though the bonds were still weak, she should have been able to feel them. Somehow, the bonds hadn’t gone away completely when Jasdevi was killed, and she wondered if she had unconsciously left some of them inside of her, just in case. A contingency plan, so to speak, in case they were killed like Sarah had been. It seemed likely.

Still, she couldn’t wake up, and she needed to. She needed to stop the Earl from doing the horrible thing that must never be done. She needed to stop the plan before it happened, and for that she needed to wake up.

She felt something strange in her arm, something flowing into her. _IV_ , she thought. It needed to be gone, because it was drugging her, keeping her under. _Why_ had the Earl drugged her? Had he really been lost to her? This was… troubling. If he was no longer under any sort of restraining control, he would never stop. He would destroy everything, and he would do it with that horrible thing that must never be done.

The first thing that needed to happen was restoring the bonds, and Faith had a sinking feeling that they were being hidden by the needle pumping drugs into her arm. If she could only get rid of that, then perhaps she could wake herself up. Elizabeth could heal her; she just needed to reach her older sister.

_Maybe if I dream myself doing it, the IV will come out in real life, too_ , Faith thought. Road had been able to do similar things, even before she had awakened, and Faith knew that if she only forced it, perhaps she could actually pull it out.

She imagined herself doing it, putting all of her will into the thoughts. She pictured herself reaching her right hand over and ripping the tape away. She made her picture-self pull the needle from her arm very carefully so as to not spill much blood. Suddenly, everything was clearer. Had she done it?

_Elizabeth!_ She called, and she felt the older woman’s presence.

_Let me heal you,_ she said, and Faith felt the grip of the drugs loosen. Her eyes fluttered, and suddenly, she was back in her brightly-lit room, and there was an IV stand fallen on the floor, the concoction seeping from the needle and onto the tiles.

She felt around for her brethren. There, on a very, very weak thread, was the Earl, and next to him was Sarah’s severed bond. Next was Road’s, and it was very strong. She pulled on it lightly, calling her favorite sister to her silently. She inspected the others. Jasdevi’s was still broken, but it felt strong nonetheless, and Faith was mystified.

“ _Faith!”_ Road bawled, slamming an ornate door open as she entered the Middle Eastern girl’s room.

“Road!” Faith shouted, alarmed. Road never cried. Not real tears. Not these tears. “What’s wrong? Come here, tell me!” She opened her arms up, and Road ran into them. Gently, Faith encircled the other girl in her strong but gentle grasp, rubbing small, light circles on her back.

“It’s horrible. Faith, _you need to see this._ ” She looked deeply into Faith’s eyes, and some sort of resolve hardened them. “I’m so sorry.” Tears pouring down her face, Road pulled back, placing a hand on Faith’s chest and another on the Middle Eastern girl’s forehead. Faith gasped as Road’s mind pushed its way into hers. The images she saw horrified her. As Road eased back out of her mind and into her own body, Faith stared intensely into her sister’s eyes.

“We need to stop this,” she said urgently, grabbing Road’s forearms in a firm hold. “I need my Heart.”


	22. Oddysey of the Mind

Chapter 20—Oddysey of the Mind

__October 4, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

Lavi was in a pickle. It was a very large pickle. He couldn’t read. There was a very interesting book in front of him (Lolek had recommended it), and he just couldn’t read it. He was ninety-nine point nine percent sure it was due to the black-haired man sitting sultrily next to him. Even though all Yuu was doing was sitting and cleaning Akuma innards off of Mugen. It was very sultry. Lavi wanted to throw the sword across the room and have Yuu clean _him_ instead.

Of course, that was an impossibility. It was Lavi’s own fault, too. He should have known better than to kiss Yuu in front of the entire Order, but the man had looked so… _seductive_ … while eating his soba noodles. And he had looked so horrified that Lavi couldn’t help but give everyone a show. He was still on the outs, as it were, because of said actions, but all in all, Lavi had thought it was worth it. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Regardless of Lavi being in the dog house or not, they had done little more than kiss or hold hands since that night, and Lavi was beginning to wonder whether Yuu regretted it or not. More than anything, though, he just wanted to hold Yuu again, because it had been so incredibly _good._

Throwing the book down with a frustrated sigh, Lavi gave up on reading altogether. He turned to Yuu and saw the other man gazing up at him, a strange look in his eyes.

“What is it, rabbit?” He asked, and Lavi thought he could detect a note of concern in the Japanese man’s voice, though it was probably just wishful thinking.

“Nothing,” Lavi said, looking away for fear of starting something Yuu didn’t want.

“Stop doing that,” Yuu ordered. “That’s the fifteenth time you’ve looked at me in the past twenty minutes, and every time you think I’m looking back—which I am not—you look away. Just tell me what the fuck you want.”

“How do you know I’m looking if you’re not looking back?” Lavi asked, hoping to get a loving, caring response and knowing he wouldn’t.

“Just answer the fucking question.”

“You,” Lavi replied simply.

“What?” Yuu asked, and from his inflection, Lavi knew the other man thought he had said his name.

“No, Yuu, I want you,” Lavi said, averting his eye slightly and fighting off a blush that would invariably show on his pale skin.

“I’m sitting right here,” Yuu replied angrily, and Lavi fought the urge to laugh.

“You are too naïve, Yuu-chan,” he said, shifting his weight so that he was leaning on the other man.

Yuu’s eyes widened infinitesimally as he understood. “Oh,” he said. “Why didn’t you say so?”

That was a fair question, Lavi supposed.

“Because you’re cleaning Mugen. Slowly. And sensuously,” Lavi replied.

Yuu blinked. “I’m… sensuous?” He asked incredulously.

Lavi nodded. “Very much so,” he said. Yuu shook his head in exasperation.

“ _Che,_ ” he muttered.

“But back to what I was saying earlier, you are incredibly arousing when you clean off your sword,” Lavi continued.

“When did you ever say that?” Yuu asked gruffly.

“Just now.”

“ _Che_. Well, are you going to do something about that?” He asked.

“You… want me to?” Lavi asked, confused. Since when had Yuu had a sex drive? Lavi knew it had to be a recent development. Actually, he hadn’t expected Yuu to have one at all—not after what his father had done to him. And yet, there it was. Yuu was very obviously telling him to get on with it, and Lavi couldn’t help but want to oblige.

Yuu nodded. Lavi couldn’t keep himself back any longer. He threw himself at the older man, who quickly deactivated his Innocence. Grabbing Yuu bodily, he turned him so he could push the other man down on the bed.

He ran his hands gently through Yuu’s hair, freeing tangles and knots here and there. Yuu shivered and glared up at Lavi. “I’m not a cat,” he said coldly.

“But you scratch like one, Yuu-chan!” Lavi quipped cheerfully, throwing his Exorcist jacket off.

“I am _not_ a cat,” he hissed as Lavi worked on the buttons of the Japanese man’s own jacket. He was finding it very difficult to do. _What the hell does Yuu use to put these on, superglue?_ He thought furiously as he failed a third time on the second button. Yuu made a tiny guffawing sound. Lavi’s eye narrowed.

“Yes, you are. You get angry like one, you hiss all the time, and you like to slice your claw—” he gestured to Yuu’s hip, where Mugen resided, “—into things, like, say, people. You get angry all the time—oh, I mentioned that—and when you do something right, you get this smug look on your face that tells me you’re completely satisfied with your performance on the battlefield. You like fish—”

“Of course I like fish, I’m Japanese, and do you need help?” He stared down his chest to Lavi’s still fumbling hands. The redhead flushed in embarrassment.

“No, I’m fine, Yuu-chan, just let me… get this… damn button…” He said, sticking his tongue out determinedly as he failed a ninth time. “Aw, fuck it. Go ahead, Yuu,” he finally said, lifting his hands up exasperatedly and letting Yuu divest himself of the garment. He had it off in seconds, and he flung it off the bed. It landed on the floor next to Lavi’s with a soft thump.

With his still upraised hands, Yuu pulled Lavi down to him by his hair, and for the first time since the beginning of September, initiated a deep, soul-searching kiss. Lavi was so surprised he forgot how to respond. A moment later, as he gasped wildly for air around Yuu’s lips, he realized he had forgotten how to _breathe_ as well. Despite his extreme inexperience when it came to kissing—Lavi didn’t count the abuse—Yuu was actually quite good. Or maybe Lavi was just biased.

The door burst open, and both Yuu and Lavi looked over to the entrance. Dressed in khakis and a dark blue polo shirt was Emiko. She—he? She wasn’t in drag right now—let out a small sob and ran from the room, tears pouring down her face. Lavi looked back at Yuu, and when their eyes met, they shared a what-the-fuck glance. Yuu sighed and pushed Lavi off from on top of him. He walked over to the door, closing and locking it before looking back at Lavi in a manner that was somewhat predatory. He walked back to the bed, and they continued from before, not mentioning a word about Emiko, excepting a quick murmur of “awkward.”

Perhaps it was the implied promise of more, but for some reason, Lavi felt incredibly light as he fell into a shallow slumber an hour later, holding Yuu to his chest.

\---

_October 10, 2013—Noah’s Ark, Faith’s Room_

“We need to stop this,” Faith said urgently, grabbing Road’s forearms in a firm hold. “I need my Heart.”

Road backed up, trying and failing to pull her arms from Faith’s grip. “Your Heart?” She asked.

“Yes, I need them, now,” Faith replied, knowing how desperate she looked and not caring. Her Heart was the absolute number one priority.

“Your Heart isn’t inside you?” Road asked, and Faith shook her head. “Then how are we supposed to get them here?”

“They still have bonds. I need you to bring them here. They can only come when they’re asleep, though. Road, you need to make them fall asleep, you need to bring them here,” she implored, knowing that her request bordered on implausible. Forcing others to sleep was at the very edges of Road’s power. She could draw them into her own dimension, but she had trouble putting people into Faith’s mind.

“I don’t know if I can do it…” Road said, grimacing. “I will try, but I need to know who they are. Can you show me the bonds?”

Faith shook her head. “I can’t feel them very well. They are the weakest of everyone’s except for…” her voice trailed off. They both knew whose name she had been about to speak. As always, everything led back to Sarah.

“We can deal with the Earl’s problems later, then. Road, I need you to get the girl out of there first. I can try to distract Chaz, but I’ll need my Heart here. When you’ve got the door open, help me call to my Heart.”

Road nodded.

_Chaz!_ Faith called, tweaking the bond in her mind like Sebastian plucked guitar strings. _Chaz! Chaz, come here! I need you!_

She nodded to Road, and the older girl created a door and left just before Chaz entered, wearing a yellowing white shirt with numerous old and new bloodstains upon it. He wore an old pair of loose jeans, and they, too, were nearly dripping with the blood of that poor girl.

“What is it, Faith?” Chaz said, smiling in a disgruntled manner. His yellow teeth were coated in something red, and Faith wanted to be sick. She didn’t know what he had just done to the poor girl, but she knew enough about her most corrupted brother to know it hadn’t been pleasant.

“I want to sit in the window!” She said, bringing tears to her eyes. Chaz didn’t need to know they were tears of horror. “And I was lonely!” She raised her voice an octave, making it thin and thready. Chaz’s eyes melted as all her kin’s did when they looked upon her sad self. He could not refuse such a heart-felt request.

“Alright, I’ll put you in the window, but I have things to do today, and I’m in a hurry, so I can’t stay long,” he acquiesced finally, sounding resigned.

Faith pinched her eyes closed to make more tears. “But—but Road just made lemonade! Remember when we used to drink lemonade together? All of us? I miss that soooo much! Please stay and drink lemonade with us,” Faith implored, her voice high and needy. Chaz sighed and sat down next to her. Faith smiled triumphantly.

“Yay!” She shouted, throwing her hands up in the air. _Road!_ She called in her mind. _Come back as soon as you’ve finished._ The girl in question sent her a mental thumbs-up.

A moment later, one of Road’s doors appeared, and the spiky-haired girl entered.

“Where’s the lemonade?” Chaz asked nastily. Road froze, and suddenly realizing that this was part of Faith’s plan, she clasped a hand over her mouth in shock.

“OH, NO!” she shouted overdramatically. “I can’t believe I forgot; I was in the kitchen and everything! I’ll be right back!”

Concentrating on Road’s bond, Faith sent a message just to her. _Take your time, and don’t use your doors. I’m going to use your power to call my Heart._ Road sent her a mental nod in understanding, and Faith felt relieved.

Road returned a few minutes later with lemonade. As she reached for her glass, Faith made sure to brush her hand over Road’s, and in that moment of connection, she called out to her Heart.

_Allen! Lenalee! I need you, come to me!_

\---

_Allen! Lenalee! I need you, come to me!_ As one they stared at each other. They opened their mouths and said simultaneously.

“Are you suddenly tired?”

“Yes,” they responded together.

They both stood up, hands meeting halfway between them, and walked into the nearest room, collapsing on the bed, ignoring the slight lumpiness of the bodies that were there. There was a series of surprised and strangled curses from the lumps, but Allen and Lenalee were already too far gone to care.

_I’m sooo glad we’re having lemonade! It’s just like old times!_ Faith’s voice exclaimed in their head. A moment later, the dreamscape that had haunted their sleeping mind for so long fizzled into existence. The red waters of the tainted lake reflected in gold the perpetually crescent moon. It was so different from Faith’s peaceful, calming room. This place was tainted. This place was Faith’s mind.

“Faith?” They called as one. She appeared before them, transparent and ghost-like, and they knew she was focusing most of her powers elsewhere.

“There are things you must see,” she said, gesturing to the lake. “When you reach the bottom, you will know. Immerse yourselves.” They nodded and, holding hands, plunged into the crimson depths.

-

The midwife smiled at them as she announced the birth of a daughter. Noah looked down at his tired and sweaty wife.

“Faith,” he said. “Her name shall be Faith.”

His wife nodded. “Her name shall be Faith because she embodies ours.”

-

The fields were beautiful and picturesque, and the sun shown cheerfully even though her father was lying in his darkened room, looking up at his family and breathing his last breaths.

“Faith…” he said in a chalky voice, reaching a hand up and searching for her with it. She took his large, rough hand in hers.

“I’m right here, Father,” Faith replied, staring down lovingly and bringing her father’s hand to her cheek.

“Faith, everyone must remember what God has tried to make. Take my memories, my dearest daughter, and spread them across the world. Everyone must know of God’s sacrifice, of His love and compassion.”

Faith nodded. He moved his old, tired hand to her forehead, and his other came up to her chest.

“It will be overwhelming, but I trust in you, Faith. I love you, remember that.”

Memories impacted her, and she felt her head explode with all of the emotions and memories of her father’s life. Vaguely, she remembered screaming, but when the world stopped shining so brightly with a million memories, her father was gone, simply disappeared. Though his body remained, those wonderful, caring eyes were empty. Faith ran from the room. It was as if she was looking on her _own_ dead body. That feeling ceased, but the others did not. They were so overwhelming. They needed release. There were so many _dreams!_

“Dreams! Get out! Get out, get out, get out!” She screeched, clawing at her head until she felt Dreams slide from her body, from her mind. That was it? It was gone?

But it wasn’t gone. She could still _feel_ Dreams, but it was distant, and it was no longer overbearing. It was tolerable. She breathed a sigh of relief.

-

His lips met hers softly, gently, and her heart beat so very fast, and some strange emotion was bubbling, too strong, inside of her, begging for release. It hadn’t happened since Dreams had escaped her mind—much to her relief—but all of a sudden, she couldn’t keep this feeling inside of her any longer.

She pulled back, gasping. She grasped at her head, pulling hair straight out from the roots. What was this feeling? Was it Love? Yes, that made sense. It needed to be released. Right now.

And then it, too, was gone, and then soon, he was, too.

He told her she was strange, a heathen. She told him she was the daughter of Noah. He scoffed, and he walked away. But her bond of love to him remained, slowly strengthening with each new attachment she made. She knew one day, she would have to release the bonds, too.

-

She saw a girl with long and beautiful black hair. She looked like a sister, even though her features were so different. She also had blue eyes, and she was very, very pretty.

_Road?_ She asked instinctively. She didn’t understand why she knew this person’s name, but since she was apparently dreaming, it wasn’t surprising.

_Faith?_ The girl asked. Suddenly, her image fazed away, and Faith felt Dreams’ bond become active and strong. It flared to life, and though she heard screaming in her head, she felt that everything would soon be alright.

Ten days later, a strange, padded red door appeared in her room, and Road stepped out, beautiful stigmata on her forehead and her eyes still shining impossibly blue.

-

Four years later, Sarah came to her. Envy, which she had released soon after Love, appeared to her nearly thirty years after that. Passion soon followed, and Pleasure was after him. They all stayed together, one big, loving family with a heavenly crown. And they were happy.

But like all happy things, it had to end.

Faith had never loved again, and when she saw a man hanged for witchcraft, she felt something deep inside her begging for release.

It was stronger than the others, impossibly so. _Get out!_ She screamed at it, and it could not be contained in a human vessel. Or in a single piece. Staring at its perfect heart shape, Faith knew it was too strong, and she split it down the middle. But that still wasn’t enough. With all her force of will, Faith shattered both halves and spread them around the world. The two largest pieces remained bonded to her in one single strand. Faith knew at once that it was her Innocence she had shattered, and that her Heart was what held it all together. Perhaps they could all find human hosts. That would make her happy.

-

Not all humans were innocent enough to keep Innocence inside them, and some of it incorporated itself into objects that humans could wield, and though that was not the same, Faith was happy.

-

It was her birthday. She’d long since lost count, as had the rest of her kin, but they still celebrated them, because that’s what families did. In the years since her birth, Jesus had come and gone; countries had united themselves, conquered each other, and split apart; and the Church had gone to Rome and had become far too conservative. They forgot about Noah. They remembered God’s wrath, but they did not remember how strong her father had been, how God had saved him and so many others.

She walked with Road and Sarah. The others, Faith knew, were out buying her presents despite her adamant request for them not to. They doted on her, just as she doted on them. They were her, and she was them. Passion—Charlie—and Pleasure—Tyki—were out buying food in order to help Envy—Cyril—make her birthday feast.

“Oh, let me help you,” Sarah said, bending down and helping a little child up. He had a large cut on his knee. “Oh, you poor thing. That must hurt very badly.”

The little boy nodded. Sarah smiled. “I know just the thing,” she said. She bent down and placed her lips to the cut. The bond inside Faith pulled strongly, and she watched as the cut healed itself.

“Witch!” A man shouted. Faith looked up. “Devil’s spawn!”

The man was dressed in Priest’s attire, and he was carrying a mid-sized, wooden crucifix. It glowed green, a green that reminded Faith of her Innocence, and the Priest rammed it straight through Sarah’s chest.

The bond shuddered and snapped like a piano string. Something very strong rose up in her mind, scorching it, and she threw it out before she could recognize it. She didn’t want to feel whatever it was. It was too evil, too horrible, and it hurt her!

Sarah was gone, though, and Faith just couldn’t keep a hold on consciousness. She still didn’t like to remember this day. So much of it was vague.

-

More memories and emotions flew up in her mind, and she released each of them. She couldn’t deal with emotions anymore. They were too strong. Sometimes, she could reincorporate them, but with others, she didn’t think she was strong enough.

The Earl had found them one day. He wanted to make people suffer for what they had done to her, and Faith agreed. It was very important that they feel the same pain she did. And pain she felt. And Anger. She didn’t want to let Anger out, but with a great _ripping_ feeling, it made its way out into the world.

-

Years and years passed, and so many emotions had left her that Faith was nearly unconscious all the time. It felt good that way. She didn’t have to worry about things. But they forced themselves back in. Gradually, Faith began to wake up, but then she started understanding what the Earl was doing. Everyone had turned so black. But they were still loving, still caring.

“I don’t like it,” she told Sebastian, and the next night, he was branded a traitor. Faith couldn’t stand it—she didn’t want her bond to him destroyed, so she called them out of her mind. Nearly two decades later, she met the twins, and they kept her connected to everyone, Sebastian included. Sometimes, she thought she felt Sarah, but it was just her end of the bond, connected to nothing.

Then Bonds was killed. All Faith felt was everything being cut—all attachments, all friends, all kin—and she was floating. And then she was awake, and Road was there. She looked, if possible, darker. The stigmata were hideous, and Faith’s stomach roiled at the sight of them, as it always did. But Road was still so kind. Faith felt a bond slither lightly back into place. It wasn’t strong, but it was there. Slowly, the others began to do the same.

But there was something _wrong_ with her kin. They were darker, and they were morbid. Chaz was now sadistic and evil when he had once been kind and loving. Faith shuddered. Sarah’s death seemed to have affected them all. She wasn’t surprised. But _Chaz…_

\----

“Artemis,” Road called quietly, shaking the other girl’s chest with a fist. The mortal girl’s eye fluttered. There was no spark in it. It reminded her of how her dear Emiko had looked when she’d dropped the poor child back at the Order. “Chaz will be back soon. We can’t stall him for long, but if you leave as soon as you’re able, I’ve opened a door for you that will take you right outside the Dark Order. Close it behind you. Do you hear me?”

The girl nodded, but Road was not sure the girl truly understood. _Road!_ Faith called in her mind. _Come back as soon as you’ve finished._ Road shot her a mental thumbs-up.

Patting the wretched girl on an uninjured-looking patch of skull, Road lay a long-handled branding iron next to her. “To walk,” she said simply. She created a door to the Order, leaving it opened, and stepped through a second one into Faith’s room.

“Where’s the lemonade?” Chaz asked her rudely the second she stepped in. Realizing this was part of Faith’s plan, she quickly acted shocked, clasping a hand over her mouth.

“OH, NO!” She exclaimed, laying on the drama a bit too thickly. “I can’t believe I forgot—” there was no way Chaz was buying this, “—I was in the kitchen and everything! I’ll be right back!”

She made another door to a lemonade stand at an amusement park. The vendor looked shocked, but Road ignored it as she always did. _Take your time, and don’t use your doors. I’m going to use your power to call my Heart._ Well, it was a bit too late for that, but she nodded back mentally anyway. Aloud, she said in a faux-sweet voice, “I’ll have three large lemonades, pretty please.” The man handed them over, and Road stepped back into her door.

“Thanks, mister!” She cackled as the door closed on his angry exclamations. Once in the kitchen of the Ark, she poured the three lemonades into different glasses and walked slowly up the stairs to Faith’s room.

“Here I am!” She exclaimed, holding the tray out. Faith and Chaz both took a glass. As Faith’s hand brushed hers, Road felt a huge drain on her power, and she nearly fell to the ground. With the strength of a stallion, she smiled weakly and sat down, taking the last glass for herself. It shook in her hand. Faith talked in a tiny voice, obviously concentrating on calling her Heart to her—whoever that was. Sipping on her lemonade, she felt rather nostalgic. She, too, missed those lazy afternoons by the window when they all drank lemonade and talked about the crazy things Tyki and Charlie would do.

They made small talk for a while, but after a few minutes, Faith went silent. She stared, unseeing, into her dripping glass of lemonade. Her eyes were blank, as if she was concentrating very, very hard on something, and the longer she sat motionless, the more agitated Chaz became.

“I need to use the restroom,” he said, excusing himself. Road grabbed his arm, trying to lay on Faith’s charm.

“Don’t leave, Brother! It’s Faith! She wants us to drink lemonade together, and I think we should!” She even threw in a little cutesy smile that had won her tremendous points with her teachers.

Chaz’s eyes narrowed. Obviously, he realized something was up. “Well, I’ve finished my lemonade, and I really should be on my way…”

“Please stay with us, Brother! Faith _never_ gets to see you ‘cause the Earl keeps you so busy. She just wants to catch up. After all, isn’t _she_ the most important?” Road made her eyes big and wide. She couldn’t use any of her power to influence, because Faith was using it, but she monitored her doors very closely. One door in particular had yet to close, and Road was starting to get a little nervous.

Chaz rolled his eyes, sighing. “I just need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” He left the room, bent over a bit as if he was holding back a massive pee. Road sympathized.

Faith’s eyes rolled back into her head, and tears started pouring down her face. Road caught her as she swayed from the chair.

“Chaz!” She called, finding her bond to Faith and following that through to her least favorite brother. “Chaz, Faith’s fainted; I need you to help me get her onto the bed!” Which, of course, she didn’t.

Two minutes later, a Level One Akuma appeared in the room, and Road felt the first sliver of dread snake its way into her system. _Faith!_ She cried, casting her mind out to find her doors. She found the one she needed and looked at its surroundings. The girl was out of the dreary room—a trail of blood droplets was testament to that—but she _hadn’t closed the door._

_FAITH!_ She screamed. _FAITH, CHAZ IS GONE, AND THE DOOR IS STILL OPEN!_

Her power returned in a rush to her, and Faith leapt up from Road’s ashen arms. “What!?” She yelled, both physically and mentally.

“We need to get down there. I don’t care what the Earl does to me. He can punish me all he wants; he’ll forgive me eventually. You said you didn’t want this girl to die, and I’ll do what I can,” Road said, dressing Faith in something not suited for bed. Pulling her powers together in a spot in front of her, she created a door, and the two of them stepped through it and into Artemis’s torture chamber. Road looked around for any sign of Chaz and froze. Something about the room was different.

“Faith,” she said breathlessly, her heart pounding in fear for the little human girl, “the cross isn’t on the ceiling.”

Faith’s mouth opened in horror, and Road heard her thought. _Surely he doesn’t mean to… to—_

“He does,” Road confirmed aloud.

“My Heart’s close enough to stop it,” she said. Doing the math in her head, Road realized that her Heart was either in the London suburbs or an Exorcist.

“I can bring your Heart back to you now that I don’t have to concentrate on the doors, but you need to tell me who it is,” Road said urgently, grabbing her sister’s wrist.

“It’s Allen and Lenalee!” Faith yelled. Road gaped.

“Allen… Walker? And that bitch he’s too close with?” She asked incredulously. Faith narrowed her eyes and stared angrily at her.

“Don’t call my Heart a bitch—and yes, that’s them. Call them to me, please!”

The note in Faith’s voice was so desperate that Road didn’t even want to fight the compulsion to act. Instead of creating a corporeal door, she created one into the mind of the two Exorcists. She was surprised to find herself in the world Faith never went to.

“Allen! Lenalee!” She called. A voice laughed, and a pair of arms encircled her from behind, making her scream.

“Road! Missed ya, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal!” Sebastian proclaimed, squeezing her tightly to his chest. Road let herself relax into it for a moment.

“Bastian,” she said fondly, reaching back and patting him on the head. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here ‘cause Allen’s here,” he said. He frowned and added, “I’m stuck in his head.”

Road winced. “I’m so sorry, Bastian, I know how hard that must be for you.”

He nodded and let her go. “Why are _you_ here? Last I knew, Allen… does not enjoy your company.”

Road smiled. That was putting it lightly. “I’m here because Faith needs them, and they need to see through this door.” As she said that, she erected a window to her own mind. Everything she saw they would see. “Get them here, please,” she said and left. She felt them at the little window to her mind a moment later.

“All done, Faith,” she told her sister as she reached her mind again. “Oh, God, Faith!”

She felt both Allen and Lenalee flinch from the sight she was transmitting to them. Chaz had Artemis slung unceremoniously over his shoulder, a large, wooden cross leaning against the other. To everyone’s mutual horror, he had three large nails in his teeth, and he climbed quickly up the side of the mountain. Fresh blood flooded the fabric of Chaz’s already ruined shirt from a large wound in Artemis’ side. Her legs scraped against the rocks, leaving a trail of gore. He made fast progress and was soon at the precipice, throwing the poor child roughly onto the ground. Road heard a series of small cracks and wondered if the girl was lucky enough for them to have been her spine. Obviously not, because as Chaz lifted her onto the cross, which was now on the ground, and began to push the nails through her wrists and ankle, she screamed out.

That was all it took. In a moment, Allen and Lenalee’s presence was ripped from her mind as the two awoke, screaming. Road dissolved the window in their mind and fell down onto the bloodied bed. Her hand fell into a sticky pile, but she was too worn out to be disgusted. Her eyelids felt like lead, and her limbs seemed to have weights around them. All Road could do was fall deep and hard into a heavy, well-deserved sleep.

\---

_The rabbits were eating carrot soba. This confused Yuu, because carrots didn’t go in soba, or at least, not in the actual noodles. Unfortunately, the rabbits didn’t seem to know this, and they ate their orange buckwheat noodles with little happy, fluffy grins. One came up to him with a bowl of the strange food and offered it to him on outstretched, half-gloved hands._

_“_ Ne, ne, _want some, Yuu-chan?” It asked, and Yuu was confused. It sounded just like his rabbit. Looking down at the tiny, cute little creature, he saw an eye patch covering its right eye. He blinked. Accepting the soba, he sat down on his knees and began to eat it. All in all, it wasn’t bad, if a bit carrot-y. Perhaps the stupid rabbit would like to try it sometime…_

“ _ITA!_ HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”

Something very hard and very bean-sprout-shaped hit him square in the chest, upsetting his dream-bowl of carrot soba.

“Allen?” The stupid rabbit’s voice questioned blearily. He got no response, but Yuu heard a light snore in its place.

“Allen? Aaaallen? _Allen?_ _Moyashi?_ Alleeeeen!” Lavi called, poking the boy’s stupid, skinny-ass chest. A soft mumble came from a higher voice, and Yuu froze.

“Lenalee?” He asked, pushing _Moyashi_ off of the bed and pulling on a pair of boxers and pants. Sure enough, both Allen and Lenalee slid to the floor, hands clasped in what could only have been a mutual death grip. He heard a rustle of fabric as Lavi, too, dressed himself. A moment later, the lights blared into existence, and Yuu squinted in momentary blindness.

“What the fuck are they doing in here?” He asked gruffly as Lavi slid on his newly fixed eye patch. Pulling the limp bodies back onto the bed, Yuu added to Lavi, “You didn’t lock the door again, did you?”

“I think it’s a good thing I didn’t—look,” Lavi replied unapologetically, pointing down at the two sleepers on the bed. Yuu looked down and did a double-take. Spreading across _both_ of their foreheads was a light, elegant stigmata that radiated a comforting warmth.

The door burst open again, and Amanda and Darcy ran in.

“Sorry,” the Infernal Girl said, panting and supporting herself by a hand on the door frame. “We heard screaming, and it didn’t sound like sex, so we came over. What happened?”

She was dressed in a bra—thank God—and a pair of shorts. Darcy was worse, wearing only a pair of boxers emblazoned with four-leaf clovers. He was carrying a pair of pants, which he absently stepped into. Yuu scoffed and turned away, going through his drawers. Finding a shirt that had shrunk too small in the wash, he tossed it over to Amanda, who put it on, still breathing heavily.

“What’s going on?” Amanda repeated, and Lavi pointed again. Both members of the idiot couple stared.

“They’re beautiful,” Amanda whispered in a hushed, awed tone. Much as he didn’t want to, Yuu agreed, and from the looks on everyone else’s faces, they did, too.

“How did they get here?” Darcy asked, making the first sound since he’d entered the room. Yuu looked over at him, shrugging.

“They woke us up,” Lavi explained. “And when we tried to wake them up, they wouldn’t. From the stigmata, I’d guess that they’re being possessed by a Noah or something.”

Amanda shuddered.

“I don’t think so,” Yuu said.

“Eh? Why not, Yuu-chan?”

“Look at their skin,” the Infernal Girl said, pointing. Lavi’s visible eyebrow rose past his hairline.

“The stigmata wouldn’t look so… so…” Yuu made a helpless gesture, but everyone nodded. They understood.

“Perhaps this is the beginning of the Noah-possession process?” Lavi suggested, but he shook his head a moment later. “No, that can’t be right—they get sick, and the stigmata ooze blood. This seems…” Lavi stopped, apparently lost for words.

“Holy,” Darcy finished for him. Everyone nodded solemnly in agreement. They stood vigil in complete silence for several minutes.

“They’re crying,” Amanda said suddenly, and Yuu turned away from Lavi to see twin tears falling from their eyes simultaneously.

“I think we should separate their hands,” Lavi suggested. “They’re not getting enough blood—look how purple their fingertips are.”

Yuu brought their hands up into his and tried to pry _Moyashi’s_ skinny little fingers from Lenalee’s delicate ones. They wouldn’t budge, and Yuu scowled at them.

He felt Lavi’s breath in his ear. “Need help, Yuu?” He asked, a smile in his suggestive voice. Yuu grunted angrily but stepped back to allow Lavi a chance. He held back a snicker as Lavi’s face grew increasingly more frustrated and red. One of his bare feet came up used Allen’s face for leverage.

“Lavi, what are you doing?” Amanda exclaimed, sounding horrified. Yuu didn’t understand why. He thought it was hilarious. Lavi stepped back.

A moment later, they started to scream. As one, Yuu, Lavi, Amanda, and Darcy flinched and made to cover their ears. Lavi tried to muffle the sound by putting an ear to Yuu’s chest, but Yuu staggered backward as both Allen and Lenalee sat bolt upright, eyes snapping open. Lavi fell to the floor.

The white-haired boy and the black-haired girl looked at each other, eyes still wide, and they whispered in identical, horrified whispers, “Artemis!” Jumping up from the bed, still holding Lenalee’s hand, Allen created a door to the outside.

“All available Exorcists, please report to the front gate immediately. We have a Noah on premises. I repeat, all available Exorcists, report to the front gate immediately.” Since when did the Director’s voice come from the wall? But Yuu couldn’t think that because he and the others were already following the odd pair through to wherever Allen’s door led.

Yuu saw Lavi freeze for a moment in the corner of his eye. He fell to the ground and started shaking uncontrollably, clutching at his head. As much as Yuu wanted to stop, as much as he needed to, he couldn’t. He was an Exorcist, and he had a duty to take out the Noah that had—

And then he understood why Lavi had lost his composure. The Stupid Druggie—Artemis—was leaning forward, her wrists and solitary ankle nailed onto a cross. She was breathing as if choking, and with each racking cough, blood spewed down her chin and out from her chest and wrists. She wore a crown of metal thorns that seemed to be soldered to her head, judging from some of the dripping metal. Yuu had never before seen a crucifixion, and he fervently wished this was a dream so that he could still claim that status.

“You have gone too far, Brother,” Allen and Lenalee spoke together, both of their voices low and dangerous and their tones and inflections matching the other’s completely. Shivers went up Yuu’s spine as Lavi curled further into himself, shaking harder. Yuu took a step back as the two most powerful Exorcists activated their Innocence at the same time. The world flashed in a golden light as Allen drew his sword and Lenalee’s boots sprang to life on her legs. They were like liquid gold, shining and forever beautiful. Allen’s sword, although possessed with Noah, was not tainted and rent with marring, black fissures.

“It is Faith’s will that we stop you,” they said with a darkly melodious edge. Raising his sword, Allen advanced too quickly toward the terrified-looking Noah. A door appeared at Chaz’s right side, but Allen threw his sword to stop the Noah’s progress, missing the side of his face by mere millimeters. Lenalee took the opportunity to kick Strength in the face. It made a satisfying crunch as it caved in under Lenalee’s attack. Another door appeared on Strength’s other side, and gold streaked through his torso as he made a break for it. Allen pulled his blade outward, away from the Noah’s chest, and a large chunk of skin and bone came with it. Grabbing his mutilated side, Strength ran in, attempting to close the door behind him. But Allen and Lenalee followed. The door closed before Darcy could make it. Amanda was tending to Artemis, whose cross had been cut from its upright position. Miranda was there, thankfully, and she took the younger girl’s time immediately.

Yuu walked over to Lavi, who was now hyperventilating where Allen’s door from the Ark had been. He was curled up on the ground, his knees up to his chest and his hands to his head, spreading dirt on his new Exorcist jacket. Every few moments, he gave out small, shaking whimpers that wailed out in tandem with his shaky, too-fast breaths. Kneeling down, Yuu placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder. Lavi flinched away, and Yuu felt a shallow ache stab through his chest.

“Lavi, it’s okay—” was he really saying that? “—it’s over.”

Gradually, the redhead began to calm down and relax his position. The entire time, Yuu ran a comforting hand over the man’s back. When Lavi looked up, Yuu could see the evidence of recently-shed tears on his face. He didn’t care, though, and pulled Lavi into a tight hug. The other man obviously needed it.

“It’s okay, Lavi,” he said quietly into the man’s ear. He felt Lavi’s arms come up lightly around his waist. A moment later, Lavi’s hands were tight, his fingers digging deeply, painfully, into his back, drawing blood in some places. He still held Lavi, though, allowing him to regain the composure he had lost.

“Is she okay?” Allen asked as he and Lenalee stepped off the enemy Ark, looking quite like themselves, although the holy stigmata remained.

Yuu watched Amanda look up shakily from her friend. “The medics have yet to arrive, and I don’t want to take the nails out until they get here.”

“She’ll be fine while she’s under my time,” Miranda commented.

“Yes, but when she’s let out from your Innocence, the wounds will bleed freely with nothing there to stop it,” Amanda said in a dull, matter-of-fact voice. Yuu knew that voice. It was the one Lavi used when he was trying to suppress all emotions. It was the voice of Lavi the Bookman.

\---

Sebastian hated being in Allen’s head. He hated the lack of freedom, the lack of movement. He hated that he had no control. That’s why he liked music: it was free. He was meant to be free. He had always been free for Faith. He wanted to help her, because she couldn’t help herself anymore, and unlike last time, he wasn’t alone in his fight for her. He prodded his way to Allen’s awareness.

_Want help?_ He asked as he was pulled away from Faith’s world and back into Allen’s head.

_Please,_ Allen and Lenalee responded together. Sebastian smiled. There would be twice the freedom this time.

_This will hurt,_ he said as the two Exorcists flew through the gate Allen had created. He sent a ripple of power out into both bodies, and he felt them react to it. Surprisingly, neither made a sound, and Sebastian choked out a strangled breath when he saw why. Using Allen’s eyes, he looked at Lenalee and discovered the light brush of stigmata that Faith wore. This was indeed a holy day. He’d never thought he would see it again. _Let us defeat this Brother for Faith,_ he told the two connected Exorcists. They nodded gravely and stopped running, standing before their Fallen Brother.

“You have gone too far, Brother,” all three of them said in unison, and Sebastian added a haunting melody to it. As one, Allen and Lenalee activated their Innocence. Sebastian threw his power down to the weapons as if they were extra appendages, and they glowed a magnificent, shining gold. Allen pulled his arm out to create an equally golden sword. It held none of the deep, marring fissures that had marked Sebastian’s power when Allen had fought Tyki. Was it because he was fighting for Faith again? That must be it.

“It’s Faith’s will that we stop you,” they all sang darkly. The Innocence weapons pulsed subtly for less than a second. Anyone with sharp senses would probably notice it, but it was otherwise invisible to the naked eye.

Sebastian powered up Allen’s sword as he threw it at their now-running brother. Chaz opened a door to _his_ Ark. He jeered angrily in Allen and Lenalee’s head as it missed Chaz by a hair. Literally a hair. Infuriated, Sebastian urged Lenalee into action, and as she kicked out at the repulsive relative, he increased its strength and speed, crushing their kin’s face. Chaz opened a second door and made to go for it.

_Get away from my Ark, you piece of shit excuse for a relative!_ Sebastian screamed in Allen and Lenalee’s head. He had Allen’s sword recalled and stuck it through their relative’s side. He pulled it away. Ribs, skin, and muscle weren’t really that necessary to have. They’d grow back, at any rate.

The gate began to close, and Sebastian froze it in place. Lenalee and Allen slipped inside, actively pursuing Chaz, who seemed to have disappeared. Following the increasing pools of blood, Sebastian nearly screamed for both of them to stop as Faith appeared around a corner.

Placing a hand on each of their shoulders, Faith smiled at them. “I am glad you three have helped, but please go back to yourselves. This is not who you are—any of you. You are not killers, please don’t become one just for Chaz. I shall deal with him. Please go back and help your friend; she is most in need of your assistance.”

Allen and Lenalee nodded and pushed lightly at Sebastian’s presence. Sebastian sighed and gave a little, two-fingered salute.

_Thanks,_ Allen and Lenalee said as Sebastian left to go to his little niche at the back of Allen’s head.

“Please continue your efforts against the Earl. I… know what he is up to, and I am going to try to stop it. If I cannot, will you please help me?” Faith asked, looking down almost innocently. Perhaps it was the presence of her Heart, but she seemed much younger today.

_Sebastian,_ Faith added in his… existence. _Your bond is getting much stronger. I think, if you wanted, I could put you in my own head._

_I think I can do more here,_ Sebastian replied, disappointed. Though it had very few freedoms, Faith’s head was always fun to be inside. Her thought process and the number of bonds was fascinating, and Sebastian could look at the piano string-esque cords all day. They were so beautiful, and when he plucked them just right, the others would get angry, and that was funny.

_You’re so independent, Sebastian,_ Faith said fondly, giving him a mental smile.

_Of course I am. After all, I’m your Freedom,_ he said cheekily, smiling brightly at her.

_Come back sometime. I miss having you in my head._

_I don’t!_ Road interrupted from a window in his existence. He swatted it away with a mental gesture. Sticking a mental tongue out at him, Road disappeared with the window.

_Well, I do, so come back sometime, Sebastian. Promise me?_ She asked, holding out a pinky. Sebastian linked his pinky with hers, and they shook.

_It’s a promise,_ he responded, and then she was gone and he was left to his very lonely thoughts as the dregs of Allen’s mind whirled and whorled around him like waves of mist.

\---

He held Lavi close to him as the sterile air of the hospital room and the copper smell of blood mixed potently under his nose, making it itch infuriatingly. The Infernal Girl was next to the Stupid Druggie. Although Miranda’s Innocence was in effect, all the girl did was stare. She barely even blinked, and her breathing was slow and shallow. Yuu recognized this expression, too. She was beyond repair. Perhaps, if she survived, Yuu would secretly go up to visit her—he would even leave Lavi behind—and talk to her. Perhaps, if she heard about his past, she would find a kindred spirit and a will to live. That was what he had needed back then, and he was sure that she would need it, too—someone to just sit and listen, someone who never asked, someone who just knew, someone who would just accept what happened and not feel any fucking pity, someone who accepted that after going through all that, a person could never be the same.

He wondered if she would try overdose. Yuu had, of course, but he hadn’t taken enough to be too much for his body, which broke down all foreign substances. He couldn’t stay under anesthesia longer than a few minutes as his body became accustomed to its composition and switched its attack to eliminate it completely. He couldn’t take a ridiculous amount of cocaine—which he had actually tried, much to General Tiedoll’s disgust. Later, Cross had come up to him and congratulated him on getting doped up, though Yuu hadn’t cared.

“Artemis, please say something,” Amanda pleaded, her tears falling onto her best friend’s hand, which she was holding in both of hers.

Artemis blinked. “Mandy,” she said in a gravelly voice that sounded like it hadn’t been used in weeks, which, Yuu thought, was probably the case. After all, the best way to stop the pain was to ride it out, ride so far above or below it that you weren’t even inside yourself anymore. “Mandy, it hurts.”

“I know, hon, I know, but you’re gonna be okay now, we got you back.” More tears hit Artemis’s hand.

“No, I’m not. I’m dying, and I feel it. I want it, because the way I am now is me at my best. This is my best now, Mandy. This isn’t life. I don’t want it. You know where my drug stash is. Even if I live, I’ll just use it the second I get out of here.” Artemis’s voice was flat, monotone. It wrenched a bit at Yuu’s growing heart. He knew exactly what Artemis was going through. He wanted to add that perhaps she would continue to get better after her best, but it sounded so plainly optimistic and encouraging that he knew it would have no effect on the ailing girl.

“But—but I can’t i-imagine a life with-without you in it,” Amanda blubbered. Artemis squeezed her hand lightly.

“It’s what I want. I don’t blame you—or you, Lenalee.” She looked up at the girl on her other side and attempted something that turned into the ghost of a smile. It was empty, devoid of all real emotion, just a gesture. “It was my fault anyway.”

“No,” Lenalee protested in a small groan. “It wasn’t. Don’t tell yourself that.”

“Yes, it was. I thought he was a doctor. I _trusted_ him, even though that’s not what Exorcists are supposed to do. I _let_ him separate us. I _let_ him take me from the rest of you. By the time I realized, it was too late for me to attempt an escape.”

“Don’t tell yourself that,” Amanda told her sternly, but Artemis shook her head slightly.

“I am not blaming myself, I am just admitting a weakness. I am at fault, and I am accepting that,” Artemis said, and her flat voice was starting to become hauntingly similar to Yuu’s at age ten.

“Fuck, Artemis, what did he _do_ to—” Amanda started, but Yuu stepped hard on Lavi’s foot, and the redhead’s responding yelp of pain cut the rest of her sentence off.

“Yuu, what the fuck was that--?”

“Shut up, rabbit.” He gave Lavi a significant look, which Lavi returned. They’d talk about it later.

Miranda cleared her throat in the background, and everyone looked over to her corner of the room.

“I can’t… there’s too much damage, and I just can’t…” She sounded hopeless. There were only seconds, then, before Artemis’s time had to be released. Surprisingly, Lolek came up to her and held her shoulders.

“There’s nothing we can do,” he told her quietly, and Miranda nodded sadly, tears now pouring down her face, too. Really, what was with females and the overactive tear glands?

A doctor came up and emptied a syringe of Morphine into Artemis’s IV. She nodded thankfully at the white-coated professional and then turned back to Amanda.

“Listen, Mandy, there’s nothing you can do. I’m dying, and I _want_ to. Just… know you were the best friend ever. You too, Lenalee, you’re a great friend. Oh, and before I forget, just tell him. He’ll understand—he’ll probably feel the same way. Just do it now before it’s too late. Mandy, I see Darcy behind you. You guys still together?”

Amanda nodded tearfully, making a small hiccoughing noise.

“Good. You guys are good as a couple. Stay together. Allen, you better beat the bastard, or I’ll kill you once you’re down in Hell with the rest of us.” She attempted a laugh, but it fell flat, just like everything else she was saying. “Lolek—just fuck Miranda already, and Miranda, don’t you _dare_ say ‘I’m Sorry,’ ‘cause I’m not. And also, let your hair down a bit. I’m sure you’re a really charming girl under all the stress. Lavi, Kanda, get a room. Please. Tamas, thanks for bailing me outta jail so much. Generals, keep kicking ass like you always do—and tell Cyrah I’ll miss her like she still misses that snakeskin I stole.” There was a hearty chuckle at that last bit, and Yuu wondered vaguely what had happened.

The Morphine seemed to start working then, as Artemis’s voice started to fade.

“Mandy,”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me…”

“Promise what?”

“Promise me… that you won’t let… John see…”

Yuu didn’t know who the hell this John was, but he was obviously important, as actual emotion was stirred subtly in Artemis’s voice before her eye fell closed.

“Of course, Artemis. You know I’ll do it.”

“Thanks,” Artemis said, and a small smile graced her lips for just a second. Yuu had the nagging feeling it was genuine and was glad that she was still able to smile as she died. It was something he didn’t think he had the confidence to do. Not that he would tell anyone that.

“I love ya,” Amanda whispered, her voice choked with tears.

“Me too,” Artemis mumbled. There was a sigh as Miranda released Artemis’s heavy time. The heart monitor went crazy, and as the doctors prepared a crash cart, it leveled out. They went to shock her, but Amanda held out a hand, placing it atop the main doctor’s wrist.

“She wouldn’t want it,” she said quietly. “She’s always been DNR.”

“It says here on her papers—”

“ _Fuck_ the papers! Let her fucking die!” Amanda screamed. Darcy came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her chest and middle, pulling her from the room.

Yuu led Lavi from the room as the doctors attempted to revive the girl. He saw a shuriken appear out of nowhere and pin the main doctor to the wall. Lenalee charged forward, and in a surprising demonstration of strength, ripped him from the wall and tossed him out the door. She turned to the heart monitor, and a sigh of relief went around the entire group as she turned it off. The other doctors sank back from her testing glare, and they scuttled from the room, taking the main doctor with them as they passed his still form.

Amanda was still screaming hysterically as Darcy pulled her back to her room inside the actual Headquarters. Yuu pulled Lavi toward his own quarters and seated him on the bed. Yuu kneeled on the floor and divested the other man of his boots, inspecting the foot for any damage. Thankfully, there was none.

“Why?” Lavi asked, and Yuu knew what he meant.

“I needed to interrupt that Infernal Girl before she asked something stupid. We all saw what happened to her, and she didn’t need to relive it moments before her death. Nothing’s broken, so suck it up,” Yuu explained, patting Lavi’s bare foot and standing up.

“You’re mean, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said.

“And you’re still shaking,” Yuu responded. Lavi looked at his arm, confused.

“I… am. Wow,” he muttered, and Yuu didn’t know if the comment was for him or not.

“Explain. Now,” he said gruffly, sitting next to Lavi and pulling the man’s head down, where it shook in his lap. He ran his hands silently and slowly through Lavi’s hair, waiting for the other man to speak. It took so long that Yuu thought Lavi had fallen asleep and was actually drifting off himself before the other man finally spoke.

“I… I’ve seen crucifixion before. And I did nothing. I saw…” Lavi shook his head and tried to turn away. Yuu forced Lavi’s face to look back up toward the ceiling. Lavi’s eye was closed, and Yuu saw a tear flow past the limits of the eye patch. “I… fuck. I don’t want to talk about it.” He tried to get up.

Pulling him back down and holding him in place, Yuu growled. “Too fucking bad. Tell me now.”

Still shaking, Lavi continued, and everything came out in a rush. “I… saw kids of about five or six… getting crucified, and Bookman wouldn’t let me help them, and I wanted to, but I couldn’t! He _held me back_ , and I don’t even know why the fuck those kids were getting such a punishment, but they were, and I _couldn’t help them_!”

Yuu pulled the other man up and into his arms. Lavi shook like a leaf, but Yuu held him steady against his chest. Eventually, Lavi fell into a troubled, light sleep, and Yuu took the time to undress the other man down to his boxers. Placing him carefully under the covers, Yuu stripped and got in the bed. He didn’t sleep well that night—no one in the Order did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N. Yeah. Um. If you got a bit confused with the Allen/Lenalee pronoun things, just go with it. Also, we suffered from extreme dyslexia reading this while editing, so give us a break if we failed, ne? ^_^


	23. I Have Friends in a Holy Place

Chapter 21—I Have Friends in a Holy Place

__October 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

“Yuuuuuuu!!! I can’t get these goddamn pants on!” Lavi complained loudly as he hobbled around the room, struggling with the zipper to his new, formal uniform. They had all received new uniforms for Artemis’s funeral, and apparently, Lavi’s was a few sizes too small. All of them consisted of a variation of black leather pants; long, knee-high black boots; a dress shirt; and a leather jacket. Their ranks in the newly-formed Coalition Army were pinned on their lapels.

“Welcome to my life, rabbit.” Yuu snorted, walking over to the struggling man and unceremoniously yanking upward on Lavi’s waistband.

“ _Gott im Himmel!_ ” He squeaked, arching away from Yuu’s hands.

“What the fuck?” Yuu asked, grabbing Lavi’s belt and threading it through the waistband.

“I can’t breathe,” Lavi choked out, his voice still high. “I can’t move, either.” He leaned back onto Yuu’s chest, and the Japanese man rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“Stand up straight,” he ordered, leaning forward and buckling the belt. “And put a shirt on, we’re going to be late.”

“I can’t…” Lavi whined.

“You’re useless,” Yuu muttered, scowling. He tossed Lavi his dress shirt and held up his new jacket.

“’S’not my fault,” Lavi pouted, tears of pain still swimming in his eye. He held his arms out, and Yuu reluctantly slipped the too-tight jacket over them. Lavi grimaced. “I can’t lift my arms,” he sniveled.

“Get over it.”

“I’m serious! Look!” Lavi insisted. He tried lifting his arms, and the fabric strained comically. Yuu suppressed a loud guffaw. He didn’t understand why, but Lavi’s inability to get dressed properly was quite amusing. He turned Lavi to face him and forcibly wrenched the other man’s hands up above his head. He heard the distinctive squeak as the leather stretched.

“There. Now, are you coming or not?” He walked out of the room and saw Amanda and Darcy looking in. He saw a small smile on Amanda’s face, but her eyes belied any amusement.

“Wait! Yuuuuu!”

But Yuu walked off with the other two Exorcists. The lazy rabbit could follow once he was dressed.

The main entrance, where the funeral was being held, was decked out in somber, black wall hangings and curtains. The Order’s large, silver cross was draped in the same fabric, and beneath it was Artemis’s casket. It was made of a splendorous oak, and it was ornate in a way that suggested wealth that the Order did not have. In the first row of seats was a short man with graying hair and an equally short, gray woman. Beside them was a well-built boy of about Artemis’s age and two children who could have passed as Artemis’s siblings. The three eldest looked disconsolate, though the children smiled and acted as if they had no idea their sister had just died.

One ran up to Yuu’s group as they entered and attached itself to his legs. He scowled down at it.

“Get off,” he growled, tempted to activate his Innocence.

“Don’t be mean to the poor kid,” Amanda said in a monotone, detaching the child from his leg and walking over to the parents.

“Are you Artemis’s parents?” She asked quietly, handing the child back to them.

“Yes,” the woman said, taking the child. “Angie, don’t run around,” she added to the girl. “Go play with Xander.” She put the kid down, and the girl ran off with the smaller child.

“She talked about her siblings a lot, said they were the best,” Amanda said, gesturing to the ornate coffin.

“Who are you?” The woman asked, sounding offended.

“Amanda—your daughter was my best friend.”

The man, who was sitting down, raised an eyebrow. The older boy stood up.

“You’re Amanda?” He asked, holding out a hand.

“Yes, and I assume you’re John?”

The older boy nodded gravely, and a tear fell from his eye. Yuu assumed he wasn’t a sibling. It was obvious from the way Artemis had said his name, and his reaction to her death fit with the loving tone. He was either a best friend or a lover, and Yuu was inclined to think the latter. Not that he cared.

Lavi shuffled in, carrying his boots in one hand, as the lights dimmed momentarily. An old, wrinkly priest walked out in front of the casket and stood in front of a podium.

“We will begin shortly,” the old man wheezed. “If you would all take your seats…”

Lavi reached Yuu’s side and stared nervously at the chair.

“What?” Yuu hissed, pushing Lavi down into it. Lavi squawked loudly.

“Yuu, I don’t bend that way!” He protested in a weak, plaintive voice.

“Shut up, _Baka Usagi_.”

“But Yuuu—”

“Shut up!”

Lavi’s eyes teared up, but Yuu was sure it was had nothing to do with the stupid druggie who lay in the coffin. The priest went through the whole death spiel, and Yuu tuned it out, instead watching Lavi as he struggled to get his boots on. Several times, the Stupid Druggie’s mother looked over with a scandalized expression at the pitiful sounds Lavi was making. Looking around after Lavi finally finished his task, Yuu noticed that the only people crying were the parents. Everyone else sat, listening to the mass with varying degrees of boredom and grief. Even Amanda had started to roll her eyes toward the end. Next to him, Lavi was snickering each time the priest mentioned anything remotely like “Our Heavenly Father.” This incited more outraged glances.

Afterward, they all stood in line, waiting to say their final good-byes. Farther up in the line, Yuu saw a commotion.

“Why the hell aren’t you crying?” sounded a screeching, livid voice. Looking forward with vague interest, Yuu saw the mother pointing accusingly at Amanda, who recoiled from it, her face shutting down, showing no emotion. The girl had taken off her lively mask, and Yuu wondered just how similar Amanda was to Lavi.

Amanda stared blankly back at her, and something dropped from her hand, spreading over the floor. With horror, Yuu recognized them as the pictures General Varga’s group had brought back. Striding quickly over, he slapped the woman.

“Take a look at the pictures,” he hissed. “She was _glad_ to die.”

The woman looked shocked beyond comprehension. Her mouth was open, and her eyes bugged out. It would have been comical, had the situation not been so morbid. The man bent down and picked a picture up, gasping and dropping it as soon as he saw the subject. Casting it a glance as it fluttered to the ground, Yuu recognized the picture as the one in which Artemis was being whipped with a Cat o’ Nine Tails. Hot bile rose up his throat, but he swallowed it back down at once.

“Those show nothing. Over the past month and a half, we received _presents_. I don’t think I need to tell you what they were, but since you both seem to be dimwits, I’ll go ahead and do so anyway. The first one was a lock of hair—still attached to her scalp, a vile of blood, a severed foot and her Exorcist jacket, a pinky finger dipped in chocolate, those pictures, and a DVD. You want to know what he used on her? Watch that, and you’ll see why none of us are mourning her,” Yuu growled, anger bubbling in his stomach. The American Idiot was still speechless, and her face was still as blank as Bookman’s.

The boyfriend bent down to pick up the pictures, and Amanda snapped back into the present.

“No!” She screeched, stepping on the boy’s hand. “You can’t see them! She made me p-promise!”

“She would,” the boy—John, Yuu supposed—said, sounding nostalgic. He continued to pick up the photos, and Amanda activated her Innocence.

“Sorry, John,” she said mournfully, and she slammed her discus into his wrist. He yelped, pulling back.

Yuu bent down and picked up all the pictures, stuffing them in a pocket of his new jacket. He felt an arm come around him, and he turned his head to see Lavi.

“You’re holding up the line,” he said. “Can this petty fight wait until after the funeral, because it’s kind of rude to be arguing in front of your daughter’s casket.”

The woman harrumphed and then took an inconsiderate amount of time in front of the ornate coffin. John pushed her out of the way after a solid five minutes; the line moved on.

The burial took only a few minutes, and when Yuu looked around, he noted that a solitary tear fell down Lenalee’s face. She wore a ghost of a smile and sniffed heartily. _Moyashi_ put a comforting arm around her, and she leaned into it, hiding her stigmata-ridden forehead in his shoulder. Yuu himself had an arm around Lavi, but that was because the idiot would fall over without the support.

“What a touching scene,” Darcy cackled as he walked over to Amanda. Yuu punched him in the gut, and Lavi fell to the ground like a plank.

“Ow!”

Yuu shook his head and picked the other man up from the ground, scoffing at his idiocy.

Darcy took charge of the reception, ordering a large amount of whiskey and singing overly-cheerful Irish tunes. Allen joined in on Darcy’s fiddle, and for once, to Yuu’s surprise, the Musician did nothing, although Yuu knew Allen had absolutely no musical talent of his own. One minute taking a shower at the same time had convinced him of that. From that time on, he had avoided the showers at seven in the morning. He still did.

“Excuse me,” John said as he came up to Yuu.

“Yes?” He asked, lacking curiosity.

“I’d like to enlist in the army, if you wouldn’t mind,” the boy said. Yuu scoffed.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Excuse me?”

“Talk to _Moyashi_ ,” he said.

“Who?” The boy looked curious and slightly desperate.

“The kid who looks like an old man,” Yuu answered before walking away, dragging the stupid rabbit along with him. He heard the idiot boy getting refused a moment later and smirked to himself. The Order didn’t need another pointless bottle of ashes to send into the archives below, never again to see sunlight.

Walking back to the room, Yuu noted Lavi’s stiff movements had gotten worse.

“Pants too tight?” He taunted.

“Yes,” Lavi squeaked. “I can’t feel my legs anymore.”

They arrived in the room a few moments later, and Yuu hung his jacket up before sitting on the bed, waiting for Lavi to join him. The other man unzipped his jacket with some difficulty and tried to shrug it off. It wouldn’t budge. Making a disgruntled face, he reached his arms back to try to pull a sleeve off, but the tight leather wouldn’t allow him enough flexibility. Making muffled whines, he lost his balance as he tried, unsuccessfully, to yank it off. He yelped as he fell to the ground with a large thump. Yuu felt something strange bubble up in his chest. It was so overpowering that he couldn’t keep it back. Yuu laughed. Not the tiny snickers he sometimes made, nor the humorless snorts, but full-out laughter. His sides and face ached with the force, and he fell over, pounding the mattress in mirth.

“Of course you would laugh at my pain, Yuu-chan,” Lavi pouted, still on his back and unmoving. “Wait!” His face took on a shocked expression that served to only exacerbate Yuu’s abrupt and distressing sense of humor. “You’re laughing!?”

Lavi scrambled up, somehow divested of the troublesome jacket, and the leather squeaked as he sat on the bed. He looked both astonished and pained as Yuu grabbed his cramping stomach, a flood of laughs still spewing from his mouth. Tears prickled at his eyes. As they finally slowed, Lavi pulled his boots off with grunts of frustration. Yuu unexpectedly wanted to kiss Lavi, and a mischievous smile snaked over his lips.

“What?” Lavi asked, looking confused. He leaned up, and Yuu grabbed the man’s shoulders, twisting him and throwing him down on the mattress, almost hitting the thrice-ruined headboard. He still didn’t remember when he had hit it the third time, but that didn’t matter.

“Yuu, what are you doing?” Lavi asked. Yuu scoffed and swiftly undid the buttons of Lavi’s formal shirt. Moving down to the pants, he noticed that they seemed to have shrunk. Snickering under his breath, he activated Mugen and cut them down the seams. Though it had the added bonus of cutting his boxers off too, Lavi sighed in relief.

“Oh, I can breathe again!” He exclaimed, taking a deep, gasping breath for emphasis. “Thanks, Yuu. I thought I was going to die!”

Yuu snickered again. “I don’t think your feet are supposed to be purple,” he commented, divesting Lavi of his undershirt.

“Oh, God! My feet are asleep! Oh, shit, my legs, too! And my ass!” Lavi screamed, contorting himself in order to grab his feet around Yuu’s body. “God, the pain!”

Yuu couldn’t help it—he started laughing again, and Lavi froze.

“I’ve never heard you laugh like this, Yuu,” he commented.

“That’s because I never have,” Yuu answered. For some reason, Lavi looked somewhat smug.

“Makes my stomach feel funny,” Lavi said, smiling genuinely. The gesture made Yuu’s stomach do that stupid little flippy thing. Swooping down, he kissed Lavi, and the other man moaned as the Japanese man nibbled on his lower lip.

“Wait, Yuu, what’re you doin’?” Lavi asked, pulling back unexpectedly. He looked monumentally confused.

“What does it… look like… I’m doing?” Yuu responded blankly. Was Lavi really that oblivious?

“No, really, Yuu, what are you doing?” Apparently so.

Yuu sighed and stared incredulously down at the redhead. He didn’t know how to respond. Lavi’s idiocy had reached new heights. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like doing anything anymore.

“Never mind, I’m going to the bathroom,” Yuu said, getting up from his position above Lavi and walking out, frustrated. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed again as he made his way to the toilet. Splashing cold water on his face, Yuu looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired and… he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Shit.

“Kanda?” Darcy asked as a shower stall opened and the man walked out, clad only in a very short, pink towel that clashed greatly with his hair.

“What are you wearing?” Yuu asked. Did the other man have no pride at all?

“It’s Amanda’s,” Darcy replied, looking away and blushing. “So what brings you here, scowling angrily at your frustrated reflection?” He added nonchalantly.

“Lavi’s an idiot,” Yuu found himself confessing. It surprised him to note that he didn’t mind other people hearing a bit about his personal life. He couldn’t remember that ever happening before.

Darcy chuckled. “What did he do this time?” He asked, his tone amused.

“He’s oblivious,” Yuu growled, running his hands through his hair again.

“Oh!” Darcy exclaimed, holding out a hand. “Let me guess!”

Yuu stared as the man continued. “You tried to get things started with him, got him completely undressed, and you were kissing him, and he looked up at you and asked, ‘what are you doing?’”

Yuu’s mouth dropped open embarrassingly. “How did you…?” He asked, his voice trailing off in astonishment.

“It was the same with Amanda. Only her response was, ‘Darcy, you’re touching me in places that shouldn’t be mentioned—why?’ I nearly facepalmed myself.”

“…Facepalmed?”

“You know, _smack?_ ” Darcy said, demonstrating the action. Yuu had indeed felt the same at the time.

“Why are our idiots so similar?” Yuu questioned in anger.

“I don’t know, but you better go back before he thinks you’ve left him,” Darcy suggested. “Trust me, I know from experience—it can get dangerous.”

Yuu’s heart froze in his chest. “Fuck,” he said, suddenly urgent. “You’re right.” He hurried toward the door.

“Oh, and Kanda?”

Yuu turned around. “What?” He bit out. He needed to get back to that room. Right now.

“I’m not going to ask about your back, but _goddamn_.”

Yuu nodded gravely and left the bathroom, rushing to get back to his room. If Lavi didn’t remember him again or went despondent again or—and Yuu shuddered at the possibility—tried to _off_ himself again, Yuu didn’t know what he would do. Whatever it would be, though, he knew it wouldn’t be in the realm of pleasant.

He slammed open the door and saw Lavi sitting with legs—still covered with the fabric of his ruined pants—outstretched on the bed, his hands supporting him between them. As Yuu walked in, Lavi smiled brightly and genuinely.

“Yuu-chan!” He called. “Glad you’re back. Have a nice piss? I was bored.”

“Adorable,” Yuu whispered, quite by accident.

“Wha?” Lavi asked. Yuu shook his head and walked over, sitting next to Lavi on the bed. Throwing the fabric of the redhead’s pants aside, Yuu pushed Lavi down again and leaned over him, determined to get him to respond properly. “Yuu, what are—”

“Don’t say it, rabbit, because I am going to explain it to you. You are sitting there, naked. I am here, on top of you, dressed only in a pair of pants and boxers. What would want to do in this situation?” He couldn’t believe he was saying this.

“…Er… well, I’d kinda like… well… it’d be nice if… we could maybe… y’know… do something…?” Lavi hedged, making doodling patterns with his hands.

“Spit it out, rabbit,” Yuu snarled, resisting the urge to run the other man through with Mugen.

“Well… perhaps we could… well… er… you and I could…” Lavi continued hesitantly.

It would only take a second to activate his chokuto…

“I’d really like to… but I don’t know if you do… so maybe we… but then…”

Yuu smirked mischievously and reached over to toy with Lavi’s left earring.

“I…” Lavi gasped. “…We could… maybe do…” Lavi gasped again, louder this time. “…something rather…” Lavi’s good eye glazed over a little bit. “…Fuck, Yuu, if you don’t take me now, I’m going to explode!”

Yuu’s smirk widened to a wicked smile. “I see you’ve gotten the point,” he said, squeezing Lavi’s earlobe. The man made a strangled whimper.

Yuu paused. He didn’t know quite how to begin. He’d never done anything of the sort before, after all. Face burning, he reached down, placing a hand atop Lavi’s growing erection. The man’s eye grew wide and impossibly green as he gasped, presumably in simultaneous shock and pleasure.

“Wait, Yuu—you’re actually… gonna… take the… lead?” He gasped out as Yuu began to move his hand slowly along his lover’s length.

“Yes,” he muttered, and he let his lips descend onto Lavi’s in a deep kiss that made desire pool in his stomach. He had never initiated such a passionate kiss with Lavi before, and it felt good, somehow. It was important that he show Lavi how much he loved him, even though he couldn’t say it. From Lavi’s deep, guttural moan, Yuu figured he got the idea.

\---

_October 14, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch, Cafeteria_

Lavi’s ass hurt. He could barely walk because every step felt like needles poking his ass. They were very large, very sharp needles. But he couldn’t find himself regretting it. As he yawned from only a few hours’ sleep, he felt it had been well-spent. Several times well-spent.

He groaned as he limped into the cafeteria. The mood seemed to be rather somber, and Lavi couldn’t help but feel a bit… out of place. He was too _happy_. Sitting down very gingerly with his large tray of food—he was famished—Lavi winced. His ass hurt _even more_ in a seated position. Grimacing, he adjusted himself so he was sitting on his knees.

Allen and Lenalee sat down across from him, the former carrying a bowl of pretzels, probably left over from Artemis’s reception. He popped one in his mouth and smiled knowingly. “You’re up awfully late, Lavi. I mean, I’m already on my afternoon snack, and you’ve only just appeared. Where’s Kanda?”

“He’s taking a shower,” Lavi said primly, stabbing a sausage with his fork and stuffing it in his mouth.

“You’re sitting rather… stiffly, Lavi,” Allen commented, tossing a handful of pretzels into his bottomless gorge.

“Why yes, yes, I am,” Lavi said as stiffly as his posture. Amanda and Darcy sat down next to him, both sporting trays of breakfast. Amanda, too, was walking a bit too delicately to avoid suspicion. When Amanda saw him, she smiled widely.

“That good, huh?” She asked, her smile turning devious.

“You have no idea,” Lavi replied, his voice going a little breathless as he remembered the previous night.

“What do you mean, Lavi?” Lenalee asked naïvely. Allen glared at him, and Darcy sighed.

“Give it up, Allen. She needs to know. You can’t shelter her forever,” he said. Allen sighed and nodded resignedly, making a “go ahead” motion with his hand.

“Lenalee, come over here for a minute,” Darcy said, grabbing her wrist and leading her a meter or two away. “Now, Lenalee, there are some things you need to know. When two guys love each other very, very much—and I mean _love_ , like romantic love—like, like, Romeo and Juliet, only Romeo and Romeo… Well, anyway, when they love each other very much, there are certain… physical things they can do with each other,” Darcy explained.

“Really?” Lenalee asked, her voice astonished. Lavi wondered vaguely if Darcy was rocking her entire perception of the world.

“Yes. You see… you _do_ know how sex works, right?” Darcy asked, shifting his eyes nervously toward Allen.

“Of course. I’m not oblivious, you know,” she said, sounding somewhat offended. Darcy snorted, and Lavi tried not to choke into his eggs.

“Alright, well, you see…” he leaned forward and whispered a series of things into Lenalee’s ear, too quiet for Lavi’s expert Bookman hearing to catch. Lenalee’s face grew more shocked with each passing second.

“ _They put what where?_!” Lenalee shouted, sounding horrified. Lavi coughed as tried not to inhale his eggs. “But—but—”

At that moment, Yuu walked in, and Lenalee ran up to him. “Kanda-kun… you… and-and-and Lavi… and the things… and the places… and the putting there… with the things… and the Romeo… with the other Romeo… and I don’t… with the… with the… with the…”

Yuu pulled Lenalee into a big, body-encompassing hug, one hand behind her head and the other around her back. “Who broke your brain, Lenalee?” He asked.

Both Allen and Lavi snorted simultaneously, the former inhaling a pretzel. He began to choke loudly, and Lenalee looked over, concerned. Yuu walked over, pushing Amanda to the side, and sat next to Lavi. Stealing Lavi’s tray and fork, he began to eat. Looking up at Allen, Lavi noted how purple he was becoming.

“Er, Allen… are you alright?”

Allen choked out a tiny scream and shook his head emphatically. He brought his hands up to his neck in the universal sign for choking.

“Heh… _Moyashi’s_ choking,” Yuu snickered quietly, taking another bite of eggs. Amanda looked alarmed and stood up.

“Allen, I’m Red Cross certified in the Heimlich maneuver. I’m required to ask you these questions: are you choking?”

Allen stared at her in disbelief and then nodded sharply several times.

“Do you want help?”

Allen looked at her as if she was an idiot, nodding again.

Amanda walked around to the other side of the table, moving quickly. “Now, I’m going to touch you in places that your virginness may be uncomfortable with. You sure you want me to—?”

Allen spluttered and coughed, yanking her arm until it was around his middle.

“Why, Allen!” Amanda exclaimed breathily, fanning her face with her free hand. Allen began to fall forward, his face taking on a somewhat blue hue.

Slowly, almost erotically, Amanda ran her finger across his beltline and moved it up to his bellybutton. She covered her fist with her other hand above said bellybutton and jabbed up and in. Allen made a retching motion, and the pretzel shot from his mouth.

_Oh,_ Lavi thought, _it’s headed in my direction. It’ll miss, though—_

The pretzel impacted his uncovered, blind eye, and the force of it knocked Lavi off balance and onto the floor, where he hit his head.

“Ow!” He shouted, bringing one hand to his eye and the other to his head. “That fucking—”

Up on the bench, Yuu was snorting with suppressed mirth. Amanda sat back down next to him in her same mockingly seductive manner, and suddenly, Yuu cracked. Gales of laughter erupted from his formerly stoic mouth, and the entire cafeteria went silent.

“ _Moyashi_ choked on a pretzel!” He muttered between laughs, and Amanda joined in. They turned, and Yuu placed his arms around her in a very uncharacteristic gesture. They laughed together for a while.

“Only you would laugh at my pain,” Lavi said, repeating his pout from the night before. Yuu laughed harder.

Abruptly, he pushed Amanda away and brushed himself off. “Enough of that,” he commented and returned to Lavi’s eggs. A moment later, he spat them out and mumbled angrily, “Taste like fucking shit.” He stormed off and returned a moment later with some soba noodles. Lavi got up off the floor and sat back down next to him.

Every few moments, Yuu would snicker to himself, muttering things along the line of “ _Moyashi_ ” or “choked” or “pretzel” or “eye.” His laughing face struck Lavi as very… pure, and he liked it. There was something very refreshing—not to mention arousing—in Yuu’s laugh.

Grabbing Yuu’s chopsticks from his hands, Lavi tossed them across the table and threw his arms around his lover. Yuu fell backwards into Amanda, who in turn fell into Darcy, and they all tumbled to the floor, knocking the bench down as they went. The rest of the Finders and soldiers fell as well, and they all mumbled curses as they straightened it. Darcy held Amanda closely, just as Lavi did Yuu, and as they lay there, doing nothing—although Yuu was glaring and scowling at him like he’d done something stupid—Allen and Lenalee walked out. Allen carried his big bowl of pretzels and munched on them as they left.

“Don’t choke!” Yuu called out after them. Allen coughed and thumped himself on the chest. Raising a hand, he gave them the finger as he and Lenalee finally reached the door. Lavi chuckled and leaned down, unable to keep his lips from Yuu’s any longer.

\---

_September 6, 2013—Ontario, Canada_

Wrapping her whip around the closest Akuma, Cyrah pulled back, tightening it until it sliced through. A gratifying explosion followed, and she deactivated her Innocence, turning back to the kid sheltered in the tiny alleyway.

“You okay, kid?” She asked the quivering lump.

“I’m—I’m K-K-Kevin,” he stammered. “And why—?”

“I didn’t ask who you are, only if you were okay,” Cyrah responded sharply, jamming the flexible gray rod into a belt loop.

“You’re glowing,” the boy commented shakily, pointing at her.

“Not anymore,” Cyrah said, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

“No, you’re glowing!” The kid insisted.

“What?” She asked harshly. The kid jabbed his finger at her chest, and Cyrah looked down. Her eyebrows shot up impossibly far.

“Well, I’ll be…” she muttered disbelievingly, opening her General’s jacket and pulling out a glowing shard of Innocence. Krista had brought this particular piece they had found back to the Order to be reduced to element form. She had only brought it back the previous day. It irked Cyrah that it had taken three days, but Krista probably needed a break from the war anyway. The poor girl was only twelve, and she was being asked to carry a very heavy burden, one that was much heavier than Cyrah’s had been when she had first joined the Order.

“You said your name was Kevin?” She asked the boy, and he nodded emphatically. “Well, Kevin, you’re going to be an Exorcist. Stand up.”

The boy looked confused, but he complied, standing on trembling legs. Cyrah bit down on her admonishing response and explained the war to him.

“But—but, I don’t _want_ to fight! I want to go back and paint my nails and listen to Hawthorne Heights!” The kid exclaimed. From the tight, black jeans, the effeminate black shirt, and the sweeping black haircut, it didn’t surprise her. She handed him the Innocence, which, distressingly, turned into a utility knife. Cyrah shook her head, pondering the mental stability of the boy she had just picked up.

\---

_September 28, 2013—Northern Rockies, Canada_

Snow blew hard through the mountainous path. Bak cursed the fucking Akuma who had the _gall_ to make avalanches in the middle of a snowstorm, and to make matters worse, they had somehow gotten separated from Cyrah and Maya. He was stuck with the annoying little brat and the emo freak that insisted on being called “Jayde.” What the fuck kind of name was _Jayde_? Bak shook his head and leaned against the cold, rocky wall of the cave they had found.

“Baaaaak-k-k! I’m c-c-c-c-cooooold!” Krista complained, huddling up in the tiny space blanket that was in her emergency kit. He did feel a small bit of sympathy for her there. She had let her ridiculous pigtails down, but she still had a very short skirt as part of her Exorcist uniform. The jacket—if it could be called that, sleeveless as it was—was relatively thin with a large, open back. She shuddered pitifully, unable to rest her back against the wall as Bak did. Looking over at her, Bak noted her lips were turning a bright shade of blue. Alarmed, he walked over.

“Here, Krista,” he said, sighing and wrapping her in his own space blanket. “Emo boy, scoot over—we’re sharing.” He couldn’t believe those words were coming out of his mouth.

“My _name_ ,” the emo idiot said, “is _Jayde._ ”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Bak bit out. “If you don’t want to die here, help me make a fucking fire.”

“B-b-b-but B-B-Baaaak! I’m st-st-st-st-st-still c-c-cooooold!” Krista wailed, and when Bak looked exasperatedly back at her again, he saw tears falling down her tiny, preteen face.

Rolling his eyes, he sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her thin, unclothed shoulders. She shivered roughly into his chest, and Bak turned and glared at Kevin—he refused to call him _Jayde_ —who was failing repeatedly at his task.

“Do you want to warm Krista up, or do you think you can handle a pair of matches?” He shot out nastily. Kevin glared at him and turned back to his work, doing an annoyingly practiced hair flip. Bak rolled his eyes. They were doomed. They had no cell phone service, their golems were out of range, it was too cold and snowy and windy for Krista to use her powers to find the others, and they couldn’t even start a fire.

Bak had wanted to follow his father’s footsteps and be a scientist for the Dark Order, but the Innocence had decided his fate for him. Perhaps that was why he was so bitter, but as the idiot in his arms shivered further, he thought that it was most likely the company. _Why_ had he gotten stuck with _Cyrah’s_ group? He would have preferred Chu-chan’s or even Tamas Varga’s, but he had somehow gotten the butt of the lottery, and he was stuck with General Kabbah. But even Cyrah wasn’t so bad as the other _Exorcists_. Maya, the Mexican woman, was a complete and total domineering bitch, Kevin was emo and kept saying he wanted to die, and Krista was annoying, although she was allowed, because she was so young.

“Perhaps I’ll die here,” Kevin said, sounding cheerful, and Bak resisted the urge to slap him upside the head. He knew for a fact that the kid was only doing it for attention, and it tested his nerves every day. He wanted to haul out and punch him, scream at him for taking something like that so lightly, for wanting to take the life his parents had given him, against all odds. The wind abruptly stopped roaring, and the snowflakes stopped drifting in.

“I’ve never heard of a suicidal Exorcist before,” said a high-pitched, girlish voice. Fear colder than the wind settled deep into Bak’s heart. Road jumped down from the top of the pile of their packs at the entrance to the cave. Instantly, Bak was on his feet, Innocence activated. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw both of his companions looking confused at his reaction, and he hissed for their benefit,

“Noah, get the hell out.”

“Well, that’s not very nice!” Road complained. “I was going to help you!”

“Why would you do that?” Bak asked, a bitter edge to his voice.

“Because I’m bored!” Road replied, striding past him to where Kevin sat. Creating a lit candle from nowhere, she jabbed it into the ground. “I left my door up so there’s less wind,” she added absently, holding her hands in front of the fire as if she had actual human needs.

“Stop glaring at me!” Road cried at him, “If I was gonna kill you, I woulda done it already!” Bak thought about it for a moment before walking over and sitting next to the fire, Innocence still active. Road scooted away slightly, heading toward Krista.

“What?” Bak asked, offended despite himself.

“It hurts to be near it,” She replied simply, shuddering.

The night passed excruciatingly slowly, and when the sun finally rose, the snowstorm had blown over completely. Sometime during the night, the wind had died down enough for Road to remove her door, and they all felt slightly more at ease at its loss. A loud explosion ripped through the air, and Road cursed. Running from the cave into the freezing mountain air, Road looked up. The rest of the Exorcists followed her.

“What are they still doing here?” she hissed, her face taking on a dark expression, “I told them to leave!”

An Akuma descended next to her.

“Why the hell are you still here? I told you—”

“The Earl’s orders trump yours, Mistress Road.”

Road’s face went livid. “What did he tell you?” she demanded.

“We are to self-destruct upon finding the Exorcists, causing avalanches,” the tiny Level Two responded before promptly exploding. There was a deep rumble from above, and Bak looked up, horror-struck, at the forming avalanche.

Snow roared like a wave down the mountainside, and he vaguely saw Road grabbing their packs and throwing them into another door she had created a few meters away.

“Get in!” She shouted, but Bak shook his head. If they made it back to the cave— “You have to! You’ll die!”

“You’re a Noah! This is your ploy to kill us!” Bak shouted. Road stamped her foot in a surprisingly childish gesture and grabbed Krista, throwing her in after the packs.

“You two!” She screamed desperately at Bak and his emo companion. “If you don’t want to die, get in here!”

Bak saw no other choice and ran toward the door, noticing a few seconds later that Kevin was not following. “KEVIN! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE!” He yelled over the deafening roar of the approaching snow. The idiot stood, transfixed, at oncoming death, and a smile grew over his face.

“This is an interesting way to die,” he commented happily, though Bak could barely hear it. Cursing, he turned and ran back to his stupid companion, pulling him along and tossing him to Road, who threw him unceremoniously into the portal.

Running toward it himself, he saw Road extending her hand. He was five meters away, then four, and then he felt something strong and powerful lift him up.

“It’s your fault!!!!” He screamed at the tiny form of Kevin’s head, which was sticking out of Road’s door. “If I die, I’m going to haunt you!!!!” Then the snow overpowered him, and he saw himself going overtop of Road’s door. _Well, fuck,_ he thought, _this is a hell of a way to go out._ He felt himself impact something very solid, and the breath was driven from his lungs. Still the snow roared on above him, pushing him further down and down until all he could see was black.

\---

_September 28, 2013—A random road in Atlanta, Georgia_

Road stared in shock, arm still outstretched, as the snow overpowered the man. She didn’t know where he was, so she couldn’t open another door. Horror filled her as the snow hit and pushed her back through the door, out onto the street she had opened it to. She waited a few moments before closing it, hoping the Chinese man was somewhere in the large pile that had followed her in. The tiny, annoying girl that Road had thrown in first started screaming at the girly, even more annoying black-haired brat that reminded Road how much she hated humans sometimes.

“Chan-chan is right!” She screamed, tears pouring at an alarming rate from her eyes. “It’s your fault! Go burn in Hell!”

“Little children shouldn’t even know those words!” The boy screamed back, looking depressed in a way that actually seemed real. Over the course of the night, Road had dismissed the boy as a fake, but perhaps there was some truth to his suicidal thoughts now. She fervently hoped so. She had liked Bak. He had been surprisingly good company, despite them technically being enemies—not that Road wanted to fight anymore.

“I’m not a child! I’m just as much an Exorcist as you! More so, because I can actually _fight!_ ” She yelled back, and Road saw for the first time what this little pipsqueak had in the way of powers. Huge, powerfully flaming green wings erupted from her shoulder blades as talons grew from her fingers and toes. It was potentially very powerful Innocence, and Road stepped back, glad she wouldn’t have to face this girl. If the war continued and she survived, she would probably be unstoppable. She was very much like Road—small but very, very strong.

“Shut up, brat!” The other kid screamed wildly, activating his own Innocence. Road shuddered away. It was too powerful, and in her corrupted form, she couldn’t stand its purity.

“Stop it, both of you!” Road exclaimed, putting them both in clear boxes, more to get away from the raw, throbbing power of the Innocence. “We need to do something!”

“We should find his body, then,” the girl said quietly, deactivating. Road let her out of the box. “Because _you_ killed him!” She added, pointing furiously at the black-haired kid. Road tried not to chuckle at the girl’s antics. It wasn’t the time. That’s what Faith would say.

Road opened another door, this time a few meters up. She needed Lero to fly up to it, and she cursed her inability to call him. The Earl couldn’t know that she was helping the Exorcists, and since Lero was his golem, he would probably tell the oversized clown. Creating a simple staircase that would in all probability only work for her, she beckoned to the younger Exorcist.

“We have to leave the kid, but since it seems you can fly, you and I can both look. I’ll be able to melt most of the snow, I think,” she said, and the girl Exorcist nodded, activating her too powerful Innocence again.

Stepping out of the door as the girl fluttered behind her, Road saw that she had made it approximately at the right height. She was glad she had a feel for these things. Creating a couple overlarge candles, she flared up the fire until it was powerful enough to do any difference. The girl flew around her, tossing snow hither thither in her attempts to find the man, and as the sun set; Road’s candles finally melted a layer of snow on top of a human-shaped object.

There was no denying it was Bak, and somewhere in Road’s heart, she felt… sad. It was the first time she had felt sadness for another human being who was not her kin. This was an interesting development. The blood in her veins burned for a moment, and Road nearly screamed out with pain. It left only a moment after it came, though; leaving Road slumped over Bak’s body, nearly in tears.

That was when she felt the approach of excruciatingly strong Innocence. It wrapped around her in a stinging thread, and it _burned_ like a tiny, white-hot wire. This time, Road did scream. It was all she could do to keep herself there, to not create a door and escape. She deserved this. She had killed Exorcists, created Akuma and human slaves, all because her twisted mind told her it was okay. It was not okay, though, and now she was paying for it, and as the Innocence burned through her skin down to the bones, she felt she was being judged.

The sting lessened, but only slightly, as the young girl alighted nimbly on the snow in front of her, batting at the Innocence that bound Road so tightly.

“General Kabbah,” the girl said in her squeaky voice, raising her arms protectively outward, as if that would keep the Innocence from wrapping agonizingly tighter around Road’s ribcage. “She didn’t kill Bak!”

“What nonsense is this?” The middle-aged General asked incredulously.

“Kevin did!” Krista insisted. “So don’t hurt Road, she saved our lives!”

Road missed whatever happened next, as she shut her eyes from the pain, but apparently, something in Krista’s face convinced the old General, and she let her Innocence relax somewhat. Still, it charred wherever it touched, and Road felt tears falling to the ground, melting the snow it hit.

“Where is that emo kid?” Cyrah questioned, and Road barely heard it through the rushing in her ears. Vaguely, she realized her voice had long lost its power.

“In—Georgia!” She managed to croak. “Through… door…”

The Innocence loosened again, sitting atop her skin threateningly, as if waiting for the first sign of attack to tighten again. Though it hurt to be near, it was no longer in her blood, scorching her from the inside out, and she could begin to think again.

“Krista, go get him,” Cyrah ordered.

“But he’s heavy!” Krista complained loudly. Road opened her eyes in time to see a chilling glare aimed at the little girl, who activated her Innocence—Road winced—and flew back up to the door. She felt the familiar rush as someone used the portal, then twice more as two people returned to the snowy mountains.

Distant sounds finally came back to Road; she heard the whine of Akuma cannons blasting the region, leveling it in places. She wondered how many human lives would be lost from this attack. And then she wondered why she was wondering. The burning in her system lessened again, and she stood up shakily.

“I… cannot excuse my presence here for much longer,” she explained in a shaky, coarse whisper that was all the sound she could produce from her raw throat. “I will… take the Akuma away. I know there were… supposed to be Level Threes around here.”

“Why are you…?” The General started asking, but she trailed off with a shake of her head.

“I… am tired…” Road responded, and she closed the door above in favor of one right behind her. As she stepped through, she added, “I am sorry… for… your loss…” It surprised her to note how much.

\---

_October 11, 2013—Cozumel, Mexico_

There was something about Jayde’s mental stability that had seemed to just… collapse after Bak’s death. Cyrah repressed the angry shakes that had been eating at her for the past two weeks, ever since Bak had died. She didn’t know exactly what had happened, but it had had something to do with the annoying brat blaming him for it.

“You bitch! Get your ass up and train!” The girl yelled. Cyrah wondered where she had gotten her mouth from.

Looking over, Cyrah saw her kicking Jayde—dammit, his name was _Kevin!_ —in the shins repeatedly. Maya was staring at them angrily.

“Fuck off, ho!” Jayde— _Kevin_ —shot back, trying to punch her and missing as she activated her Innocence and flew out of range.

“No! You need to get good at fighting so you can make up for _killing Chan-chan!_ ” Krista yelled, her pink-bobbled pigtails flapping in the air in tandem with her wings.

“I can see your stupid teddy-bear panties! Get your ass down here!” He yelled, turning slightly green. Cyrah didn’t blame him.

“Come and get me then!” Krista taunted, making antlers with her hands and sticking her tongue out childishly.

“Will you both just shut the fuck up!?” Maya finally screamed, sounding furious as usual. Cyrah sighed. Whenever Maya joined a conversation, it invariably ended up in an obnoxious fight that gave Cyrah migraines. Closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm herself, she took a deep breath.

“Don’t wanna, not for you, ‘cause you’re mean to me!” Squeaked Krista’s annoying voice. Cyrah opened an eye to check on the situation and froze.

“WATCH OUT!” She screamed, and she watched, horrified, as the scene unfolded. She was too far away to help at all.

As one, all three Exorcists’ heads turned to her as a Level One Akuma sprang from the ground, priming its cannons. Kevin was the first to hear it, and he made a double-take-esque motion as he looked back at it. The Level One aimed at Krista, who was now hovering just a few feet from the ground. In desperation, Kevin yanked on a blond pigtail, and the girl squawked as she was pulled out of the way of the bullet. Kevin got knocked off balance as Krista plummeted. Cyrah watched, horror-struck, as the bullet pierced its way into his side.

Kevin blanched, offsetting his black hair and clothes marvelously. The Akuma virus spread until he was as black as coal. A moment later, the wind carried away his ashes as he disintegrated. Maya screamed in rage, and her Innocence-flaming sword descended on the Akuma, rending it in two. As it exploded, a cruel laugh echoed from the forest, and Noah’s Strength stepped out from behind the trees.

“Whoops,” he chuckled. Cyrah froze once more. Strength was dressed in an undershirt that was covered in dried blood. His old, faded jeans, too, were bloodstained, and Cyrah felt bile rise in her throat as the smell of sweat, blood, and piss wafted down to them. “I just wanted to tell you that you don’t have to worry about Artemis anymore. She’s in a much better place now.” He smiled menacingly down at them in what Cyrah supposed was an attempt at being cheery.

Rage billowed through her veins, and she grabbed her Innocence without even meaning to. She felt her cell phone vibrate in her pocket, but the wind was roaring in her ears with her fury, and she could concentrate on nothing but the corrupted man in front of her who had just been responsible for the death of _yet another_ apprentice. Ironically, Krista would have survived, but Kevin hadn’t thought of that. Perhaps what irked her most was that the death had been pointless. From Krista’s incensed expression, Cyrah knew this fight would not only be hers.

A padded, crowned door opened next to them, and Road stepped out. She looked furious, and when she stood next to Cyrah, the older woman decided that she could trust the girl to some extent.

“CHAZ!” She screamed, small candles appearing around her as they all shifted into a world Cyrah didn’t understand. It was black and dark, and all around her were floating candles, piles of presents, and a table filled with food that looked like it had once been delicious. She opened her mouth to question the girl Noah, but said girl was already moving on into a screaming tirade that made Cyrah grateful she had suffered worse from Maya’s mouth.

“CHAZ! YOU _KILLED_ HER! YOU TOOK THAT GIRL, AND YOU _KILLED HER!!!_ ” Her voice cut off in a hoarse yell from apparent overuse, and she continued, softer, “Faith is _so_ angry at you. What do you think you’re _doing,_ hurting Faith?”

“Faith doesn’t matter,” the bulky Noah spat venomously. Road’s eyes narrowed to snake’s slits.

“Faith is the _only_ thing that matters!” Road asserted. Cyrah was confused, but now was not the time to lose her guard. If the Noahs’ spat ceased, they would both be after the Exorcists in this dark, spiraling world.

\---

_October 10, 2013—Noah’s Ark, Artemis’s Room_

It was the power that first brought her to consciousness, that sheer, tainted power that filled the room with a vile electricity. Road’s eyes fluttered open, and she flinched back as putrid, unclean breath hit her face. The Earl had not brushed his teeth—not that that was what Road was concentrating on at the moment. Her hand was stuck to the bed, caked in layers of blood and gore that was not hers. Her hair felt dirty, and her face was in a pile of what smelled like dried vomit. Road itched to heave and hurl whatever was left in her stomach, but the Earl’s golden eyes were flashing with a rage Road had only seen once before, when Sebastian had left.

The Earl did not need to say anything; he simply pulled at the umbrella golem that Road was so fond of, and it formed his twisted, destructive broadsword.

“Of all of us, you were the one I least expected to betray me ,” he seethed, still smiling a clownishly wide, toothy grin that stretched literally from ear to ear. It was his default expression, one that he could not rid himself of, but the anger in his bespectacled eyes belied any possibility of amusement.

Road scrambled to her feet, taking the dirtied sheet with her. Her hand would not detach, and she didn’t have time to extricate herself. She needed to get out of the room before the Earl struck at her. “I betrayed no one,” she whispered, horrified, as she created the smallest door possible from the room. She didn’t know where it was going—it could go into the middle of the Dark Order’s Headquarters, for all she cared—she just needed to get out before the Earl killed her.

The Earl stepped forward as Road paced back toward the door, and this, too, was a mood Road had seen before. It was that murderous wrath that he only aimed at his so-called Destroyer, Faith’s Heart. She no longer felt any tenderness for the Earl. Whatever she had had before was long gone—it had left the second he had drugged Faith. She was the last of the remaining Noahs to remember exactly what happened.

“I disagree, dear child ,” the Earl said, advancing further. Road stepped back again, tripping over the threshold and through the door. She felt herself hit nothing but water, and she hastily attempted to close the portal.

Thrashing, half-drowning, Road watched in terror as the Earl jammed Lero into the swinging doors. She let herself sink. She was a Noah, she could survive. If she tried hard enough, she could return to Faith’s mind, but she knew she could never do that. She was too strong, she always had been. Instead, she was struck with another idea, and as the Earl plunged in after her, she created a door underneath her, taking her to the one place where she always felt safe: Greece.

She closed the door directly behind her, but the water poured through it for a long while before she could force it completely shut and make it disappear. Sighing in relief, she realized the Earl hadn’t followed her and she’d left the disgusting sheet behind. Taking quick action, she traveled through several countries through a series of doors, stopping here and there to find herself food or steal some clothes.

Road drifted for a while, traveling here and there as she thought out a course of action. Obviously, she couldn’t stay still. The Earl would invariably go to Faith and force her to locate Road through her bonds. Road shivered. She didn’t want the Earl mistreating her most valued sister, but now that she was no longer there, she had no say in the matter, no way to distract the Earl from it. A wave of uselessness hit her, and she struck the ground as her legs collapsed beneath her.

How long had she been moving? She didn’t know. She was tired, though, so very, very tired. The sun had long since fallen, and it was now beginning its daily ascension in the eastern sky. Her eyes felt so very heavy, and the dreams around her became apparent as they did every time she sank into an oblivion similar to sleep. One particular dream tugged at her mind, and it played in front of her eyes before she could repress it.

It was Faith’s world, and in the middle of it stood the girl herself. Road ran up to her, gathering the girl in an embrace.

_Faith!_ She cried, tears of relief running down her face.

_Road,_ the girl replied, smiling into Road’s neck. Feeling something wet striking her shoulders, she looked up into Faith’s face and saw the other girl was crying as well. _I thought the Earl had killed you! I haven’t been able to wake up, and you’ve been gone for hours!_

Road squeezed the other girl tighter. _Faith, did the Earl drug you again?_ She asked angrily. Faith nodded against her neck, and Road pulled back, furious. _I’m going back, and I’m going to—_

_No, Road!_ Faith exclaimed, sounding alarmed. _You can’t come back here! The Earl will kill you! Please, be safe._

_How do I do that?_ Road asked, genuinely curious.

_I don’t know,_ Faith said hesitantly. Road slipped her hands into Faith’s.

_I have an idea,_ she said. Faith raised her eyebrows until they nearly hit her heavenly stigmata. _I can’t tell you about it now—if the Earl uses the bonds to find out, then I won’t be safe, but I’ll contact you when I am asleep again._

Faith nodded in understanding, tears still pooling in her eyes and running down her face like waterfalls. The dream dazzled out of existence, and Road opened her eyes, hugging nothing but the sterile air of what was undeniably a hospital room.

Sighing, Road sat up, glad to see there was no IV in her ashen arm. She seemed to be cleaner, though, and she smelled of industrial soap. Her nose wrinkled. Sneezing, she got out of the bed and found a pair of her stolen clothes. Creating a door, she left the hospital room immediately, glad that the Earl hadn’t found her.

A bell rang, and she looked up at a clock tower. It was eight thirty in the morning. She hadn’t been sleeping for too long. Exhausted and anxious, Road began her journey. She hadn’t a clue where the Exorcists would be, and since she was out of contact with anyone—or thing, as it were, as she’d have to ask Akuma—who would tell her, she felt rather useless.

She wandered around the world for several hours, simply to keep moving, and after a while, she zoned out enough for dreams to pelt her waking mind. The first one she felt was Chaz’s, and its gruesome reliving of the girl’s death made Road try to snap herself from it. It was too strong, though, and when Chaz thought of where he was going, Road knew she needed to be there. She didn’t care at this point if Chaz was part of the greater whole, he was going down, and she was going to be the one to do it.

Stepping through her newest door, she felt the bright, hot sun of Cozumel.

\---

_October 11, 2013—Cozumel, Mexico_

Fury shot through her veins like adrenaline as she saw the scene in front of her. Cyrah Kabbah, illustrious General of the Dark Order, had her Innocence out, a similar look of wrath on her face. The annoying pipsqueak that Road had come to like was flying up toward her corrupted brother. Suddenly, she needed to act, needed to save the stupid Exorcists who were about to throw themselves at him.

“CHAZ!” She screamed, diverting his attention to her. A large, crazed grin snaked his lips from ear to ear in a way that only Tyki could do with any finesse. She needed to get him away from the Exorcists, or at least away from reality, and the only way to do that was to force him into her world. She tried not to shudder as she reached out for his mind and physically _yanked_ it out of the world proper and into her dreamscape. She felt other minds come with her and winced as she sensed the presence of the three Exorcists.

“CHAZ!” She continued, ready to let her brother have it. “YOU _KILLED_ HER! YOU TOOK THAT GIRL, AND YOU _KILLED HER!!!_ ” Apparently, the fatigue from the day before, as well as the lack of water and strange hospital chemicals had robbed her voice from her, and she couldn’t continue on in a full-out raging scream. “Faith is _so_ angry at you.” That was no lie. In the dream, Road had _felt_ Faith’s palpable resentment toward the idiot they called Brother. “What do you think you’re _doing_ , hurting Faith?”

“Faith doesn’t matter,” Chaz spat back at her, and Road narrowed her eyes. He _dare_ say that _Faith_ , the one they all originated from, _didn’t matter?_

“Faith is the _only_ thing that matters!” She retorted in a croaky voice, raising a hoard of candles above her head and tossing them all at Chaz, who dodged them with surprising agility.

“So the Earl was right—you’re betraying us,” Chaz sneered.

“I’m only betraying the betrayers!” Road declared, an unwanted tear leaking from her eye. “You don’t know why we’re fighting anymore! All of this, it’s _all_ been for Faith!”

“It doesn’t matter who it’s for, only that you’re fighting with _them,_ ” Chaz yelled back, punching away a little fluttering thing that turned out to be Krista, probably for emphasis.

Another boiling string of rage poured through her veins, scalding them and strengthening them at the same time. Road felt her world become suddenly darker, and she no longer held back as she attacked her brother. She pinned him to the wall with impossibly fast candles, one on each wrist, and one on his ankle in a justifying parody of what he had done to Artemis.

She pinned his shoulders next, not wanting him to choke quite yet. Enlarging her candles, Road aimed for his forehead. A quick, fast move would take out his eye, and then another would get his brain, and then he would die, and she’d be okay with it.

_Road! Stop!_ Faith screamed, and Road jumped and let the candles still in the air fall to the ground with a clatter like overlarge bullet shells.

“Faith?” Road asked. It had to be her, because she controlled everything in this world. The only one who could manipulate it better was Faith herself.

“Road, you mustn’t kill him,” Faith said, smiling sadly. She turned to the dumbfounded General. “You are General Cyrah Kabbah?” She asked, and the woman nodded mutely.

Walking slowly up to the woman, Faith wore a serene smile. She knelt before Cyrah, bowing her head, and she reached her hand out to touch the whip of the woman’s Innocence.

“Warm,” she commented, smiling softly up at the confused General. Road stared in disbelief. Had Faith come here because of the strong pull of the Innocence that was anathema to the corrupted ones, to herself?

The Innocence flared gold and then began to glow steadily in the same, pure color, steadily lengthening and growing until it resembled a Cat o’ Nine Tails. Road gaped. Faith seemed to have _strengthened_ the Innocence.

“I am furious at my so-called brother. He is corrupted, but I believe now that the only way to save him is to kill him, purify him with Innocence. Please, General Kabbah, next time you get a chance, _kill him!_ ” Faith pleaded. Cyrah nodded, her expression becoming determined despite her continued silence. “Thank you,” Faith added in a whisper.

“Next time?” Road said. “Kill him now!”

“But he’s gone,” Faith replied. Road looked around. The only thing that attested to the other Noah’s presence was the series of bloodstains and holes in the wall.

“You let him out?” Road asked, and Faith nodded.

“Yes, I did, because the Earl needs to trust me just a little bit longer. If we are to stop his plan, I must find out where and when, and more importantly, _how_ it is going to happen. Please, Road, go with the Exor—” Faith cut herself off, becoming wide-eyed.

“Faith?” Road asked worriedly. A bright, dazzling smile that lit up Road’s dreary world played on Faith’s lips as her eyes shone with unadulterated hope.

“You must go with the Exorcists, Road! You’ll be with my Heart, so you’ll be safe. You’ll even be able to help, and I know you want to,” Faith said, shining in a way that she did only when she was very, very happy.

Reluctantly, Road agreed, nodding her head numbly. “You’ll be okay?” She asked.

“I may be drugged now, but I will wake again—I’ve done it before—and when I do, I’m going to go straight to the Earl and gain his trust again. Please, trust me, Road, and I think I’ll be able to end this war soon.”

Turning to Cyrah Kabbah, Road extended a hand. “I… must come with you,” she said, speaking softly and awkwardly as she averted her eyes. Going to the Order sounded good in theory, but there were many there who no doubt wanted her killed.

She did not feel the burn of the Innocence as the General walked over and grasped her hand firmly. They shook, and Road knew that somehow, whether from her own actions or Faith’s presence, she had gained a very small sliver of trust from the woman.

“I must go now. Contact me soon, because I won’t be able to reach you,” Faith said.

Nodding and taking a deep breath, Road let her world dissolve into the real one.


	24. Return to Innocence

Chapter 22—Return to Innocence

__October 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark

Lenalee had cried herself to sleep, and Allen had stayed up holding her, until her sobs had turned into shudders and then into the rhythmic breaths of sleep. He couldn’t look away from her still form, her face still shining with tears. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and her beauty had only been enhanced by the addition of the flowing stigmata that still graced both their foreheads. He couldn’t control the urge to kiss it, so he didn’t resist, pressing his lips softly to her silky skin. She sighed and nuzzled into his shirt, a small smile finally reaching her lips. Allen wished that he could always make Lenalee smile. His chest swelled, and he had to resist another urge to kiss her.

_I wish I could tell you…_ he thought to himself. He felt Sebastian give him a sympathetic smile in the back of his head. Thinking back to the bartender in the pub, he wondered if the old man had been right. _Is it worth her pain?_ He shook his head sadly and laid Lenalee’s head onto his pillow and covered her with the blanket.

Sighing, he lay down next to her and pulling her close, whispered in her ear the one thing he could never say to her while she was awake, “I love you, Lenalee.”

\---

_October 14, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

No matter what anyone said, Lolek was determined to be depressed today. It didn’t matter that Miranda was sitting next to him, too closely for his heart not to flutter when he stared at her. Today was one of the two days he was allowed to be depressed. Lolek was of the mind that everyone got at least one day. The death day of a lover, the day a marriage broke off, the birthday of a child who died… Those were all prime examples, but Lolek felt none of them compared to his day. October the fourteen happened to be his birthday. That wasn’t what made him depressed. No, his depression came from the fact that Lolle was, for the first time, not with him for it. And she never would be. Not anymore.

Miranda didn’t speak next to him, for which he was thankful, but other people walked morosely through the side street of the Ark, talking in hushed voices about trivial things like meals or friendships. None of those mattered on this day, because the only thing that could even remotely hold his attention was dead and had been for nearly a year now.

She had had hair as perfectly blond as his, eyes of the purest blue. She had matched his skin tone, his height, even his speech patterns. They had fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle, like cops and donuts, like coffee and cake. Amanda had once called them Pea One and Pea Two, seeing as they had come from the same pod and all. Darcy hadn’t been better, calling him a pea and Lolle a carrot. No one had ever thought of them as two people, not even them. They had simply been together, one, and nothing could change that.

Except death.

“Lolek, will you please tell me what you’re sulking about?” Miranda asked softly, placing a soft, petite hand atop his broad one.

“It’s my birthday,” he answered in a hushed tone, not looking into the woman’s beautiful, sensuous brown eyes.

Miranda’s hand squeezed his lightly, tenderly. “I know that,” she said simply.

Her lack of reaction forced Lolek to look at her, and when he did, he saw quiet understanding in her eyes. Grateful for not having to voice it, he flipped his hand over and laced his fingers with hers. A light blush worked its way up to her cheeks.

“Well, I got you something,” she said, averting her eyes. Lolek found himself missing her gaze immediately. Damn, he had it bad.

“You didn’t have to,” he said softly as Miranda reached into the pocket of her Exorcist jacket. She produced a small box wrapped in a deep green paper. He took it gently from her grasp, sending her a grateful look.

Inside was a watch, and Lolek felt his throat tighten. Lolle had always gotten him watches for his birthday. He always broke them, though. This watch, however, was of a much better quality than any his sister had purchased. He gazed at the Rolex unbelievingly.

“I’m going to break it,” he said sadly, taking it from its packaging.

Miranda squeezed their linked hands. “Then I’ll fix it.” Softer, she added, “look on the back.”

Engraved in small, looping cursive was a tiny message: _Now you won’t have to ask me for the “time” anymore. Love, M_. Lolek felt his throat tighten further and pushed the feeling back, unwilling to cry in front of this beautiful woman.

“Thank you,” he breathed, unable to make a sound with his throat so tight. There was an uncomfortable lump in it, making his eyes water. He blinked several times until the incriminating tears subsided.

Leaning over, Miranda shyly kissed his cheek, her face lit like a beacon. “I know today is a sad day for you, but it will get better,” she said, and something in her tone implied a promise. Looking into her eyes, Lolek saw a well of grief there that he had never before noticed. It looked irrevocably wrong, seeping there in her eyes, and he wanted to take it away, draw it into himself.

“You talk like you know,” he said softly. Miranda’s lips tilted up in a smile, and she shook her head, keeping silent.

“Everyone here knows loss,” she said vaguely, standing up and walking off. Lolek gazed at her receding figure, wondering just how much she had suffered. Somehow, the notion did not sit well with him. He didn’t want Miranda hurting, especially like he did.

_Lolle,_ he thought to his deceased twin. _What do I do?_

There was no response.

There would never be one again.

Fastening on the fancy watch, Lolek felt a tiny tendril of happiness snake into his system. Perhaps, even with Lolle gone, he could persevere. As long as Miranda was there. Lolek shook his head. He really did have it bad.

\---

Darcy was not a god. A sex god, maybe, but not an I’m-gonna-heal-all-your-ills-with-mah-magics god. He did not know how to console the inconsolable. Wrapping his bare arms around his girlfriend, he felt none of her usual responses, none of the melting, none of the smile. It hurt. She hadn’t said a word since the funeral, which was a bad sign. Even at her most serious, Amanda was much like Lavi—always chattering, always moving. Her stillness was ominous, and it pushed him to the very limits of his sanity.

He’d known Amanda since he had come to the Order at age nineteen. At some point in the last two years, something had changed. There were feelings, that was obvious. Even more obvious was the sex factor. Still, it seemed like _she_ hadn’t changed at all. She remained sunny and cheerful. Seeing her like this, so lost, so _still_ , was very painful.

“She’s gone,” Amanda whispered, and Darcy flinched at the sudden noise. In his arms, Amanda stiffened. He maneuvered himself so he was in front of her, and he saw great, crocodile-sized tears leaking like liquid diamonds from her eyes.

_Thank God she’s finally crying,_ he thought. He pulled her forward, but she put her hands on his chest, resisting the contact. Darcy lifted an eyebrow, but then their eyes met.

Amanda’s eyes were possibly the scariest, saddest thing he’d ever seen. Their cobalt was now shining with the lake of tears she had yet to shed, and they were framed with long, dark lashes. They looked like tiny, dripping swimming pools. Only sad.

Darcy was not an eloquent man. He had no idea what to say. Thankfully, Amanda saved him from that.

“She’s gone, Darcy, she’s really gone,” she said in that same shocked whisper. “I don’t know… w-w-what am I supposed to… to do?”

“You live,” he said, finally finding something to say. He pulled her to his chest again, and this time, she didn’t resist. “You live so that she won’t have died in vain.”

“She didn’t d-d-die for m-me, Darcy,” Amanda stammered, seeming as if she was still holding back emotion. It wouldn’t surprise Darcy if she was.

“I know, babe, but if you die just ‘cause she did, then how will that help?” He rubbed little circles on her back. Really, this whole consoling thing wasn’t so bad.

Amanda crumpled into him, sobbing so hard her body shook his with their force. He held her a bit tighter, imagining himself as an anchor. He cut off that thought. That sounded ridiculous. He whispered tiny, sweet things into her ear as she just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, breaking and shaking and quaking.

“It’s okay, Amanda, cry all you want. I know Artemis told you not to mourn, but sometimes, you just need to cry—” Darcy muttered. Amanda stiffened, cutting his words off.

“She wouldn’t want this,” she said urgently, placing her trembling hands on his shoulders. Darcy was struck by just how gorgeous Amanda was, even with red, swollen eyes, tear tracks, and snot running down her face.

“No, love, but it’s okay to feel it,” Darcy said, petting the back of her head as if she were a cat.

“No, it’s not!” Amanda exclaimed, pushing herself away. The accompanying gust of air blew into Darcy’s very sopping chest, and he shivered a bit.

“It’s okay to—” Darcy insisted.

“It’s not!” Amanda reiterated in a scream, pulling away from him completely and jumping off the bed. She ran to the door, but Darcy got there at the same time, and he pulled her into a tight hug. “Let me go!”

“No! Just shut up, Amanda, and let yourself grieve!”

“She doesn’t want me to!”

“Well, do it anyway! It wouldn’t be the first time!”

Amanda deflated against him. “I don’t want to,” she said in a small voice. “But I’m going to get that fucktard.” Her eyes shone with a steely glint, which was concerning, but it was better than the flatness of the past few weeks.

“Can I help?” Darcy asked, and Amanda’s bright smile told him she would be alright. He was glad. He was really bad with tears.

\---

_October 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark_

Vikram’s mouth went very, very dry. Emiko wasn’t dressing as a girl today. She had her hair tied back in a neat ponytail, and she wore a pair of pants that looked like they belonged to Allen. They were nothing special, just a simple pair of jeans, but Vikram could not bring himself to look away. Emiko never wore jeans.

She was standing in his doorway, looking at him as he stared blatantly at her. She took a step forward, and his heart skipped a beat. _Why?_ He thought, _why am I reacting this way? Why do I want to—?_

“Vikram, it’s incredibly rude to stare,” Emiko was leaning down at his suddenly rigid form on the bed. “You have something you want to say?” She continued sounding offended.

“I—I… no?” What could he say? He didn’t understand why he was staring any more than Emiko did. He couldn’t understand why seeing his childhood friend dressed like this made him want to… made him want to… he couldn’t make himself think it.

“Vikram, what is wrong with you? Do you really hate me dressing like this that much?” She sounded pained. Vikram didn’t want her to be upset.

“No! I—I like it,” he stuttered, and Emiko’s eyebrows rose impossibly high. It made Vikram’s stomach flip uncomfortably.

“Really? You really do?” she smiled brightly, “How much?” She was leaning even closer now, and he couldn’t stop himself. He kissed her. No, that wasn’t the proper term. They kissed _each other_. It didn’t last long, because Vikram soon realized what he was doing and, clamping a hand to his mouth, ran from the room. Sprinting down the hallway, he headed to the only person he thought could understand.

\---

_October 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Yuu’s room_

His lover’s stomach growled. Lavi looked up. Yuu looked annoyed—that wasn’t unusual—and snapped the book he was reading closed.

“Hungry,” Yuu grunted, standing up gracefully. Looking over at Lavi, he added, “want anything?”

It was testament to how much Yuu had healed that he was able to say anything that implied caring. Or liking, as it were. Lavi grinned at the thought without meaning to.

“Spit it out if you want something,”

“I want toast!” Lavi requested immediately. “And jam!” Yuu rolled his eyes, but his lips twitched just slightly, and Lavi knew he was repressing a smile. “Oh… and I’d like some butter, too.”

“Eh?” Yuu looked confused. “You hate butter.”

“Never mind, you just gave me some!” Lavi said. Yuu looked infuriated.

“That’s the seventh time you’ve said that!” He yelled, unconsciously raising his voice. “What the hell are you trying to say?”

“Your voice—it sounds like butter,” Lavi said quietly. Yuu’s mouth slammed shut with a loud click of teeth.

“My… voice sounds like… butter?” Yuu repeated, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“Yeah, you know, rich and creamy?” Lavi replied. Yuu still looked utterly lost.

“Do you… associate food to anyone else’s voice?” He asked carefully. Lavi wasn’t exactly sure why his lover had asked, so he answered quickly.

“Yeah! Allen’s voice is like a pineapple.”

Yuu scoffed. “A pineapple? Why?”

“It… just is. Of course, not all of them are food; Lenalee’s voice is like a rain shower next to a rainbow!”

“What is your voice?”

“An apple!” Lavi exclaimed.

“An apple?” Yuu repeated in disbelief.

“Yuu, you are so unimaginative,” Lavi said, shaking his head.

Suddenly, the door burst open, admitting a distraught-looking Vikram. Both Yuu and Lavi looked at each other as the Indian man collapsed at the redhead’s feet, put his head on Lavi’s lap, and proceeded to cry.

“Uhhhh, can… I… help you?” Lavi asked slowly, unsure how to respond to the sudden invasion of his personal space.

“I’m not gay!” Vikram wailed.

Yuu snorted. “What makes you think that?” he asked, a hint of sarcasm that only Lavi could hear in his voice.

“I’m not!” Vikram insisted loudly, and to Lavi’s horror, he noticed his pants were already wet with Vikram’s tears.

“Can I ask what brought this on?” Lavi asked, patting the older man’s head awkwardly.

“I-kissed-Emiko-and-I-liked-it-but-I-can’t-like-it-because-I’m-not-gay!” Vikram sobbed, blurting it all out at once. Lavi shared another look with Yuu, who looked dangerously close to laughing again. They both were thinking it: denial.

“Er, could you repeat that, a bit more slowly, so you can understand it?” Lavi asked.

“I… I-I-I kissed… Emiko… and—and I think I may have wanted to, because she was there… and I was there… and she was in Allen’s pants. And one of his shirts. And—and…” the Indian man broke off, seemingly unable to speak more.

“And?” Lavi prompted.

“And he was really hot!” Vikram exclaimed, blushing. “But I’m not gay, so I don’t understand why I wanted to—to…” Vikram lowered his voice. “…Kiss her,” he finished softly, as if admitting it was akin to admitting defeat.

“Vikram,” Lavi said firmly, putting his hands on the older man’s shoulders, “you are in denial, so stop molesting my crotch.” He pushed the other man up.

Vikram looked horrified. “I’m—I’m not, guys! I’m really not! I don’t… I’m not… I couldn’t possibly be…”

“Listen, Vikram. You just said you wanted to kiss Emiko. Emiko is a man. You are a man. Normally, when one man wants to kiss another man, he is gay,” Lavi explained slowly, as if talking to the very, very dull.

“I … er, like girls, though,” Vikram said quietly, sounding as if he was trying to convince himself.

“You just said Emiko was dressed as a guy today,” Lavi said slowly. “Have you ever felt that way toward a girl?”

“I… _yes,_ ” Vikram insisted.

“Was it _Emiko_ dressed as a girl?” Lavi asked suspiciously.

“ _No!_ ” Vikram shouted, his startled blush betraying his firm words.

“Sorry, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said, looking apologetically up at his lover. “I really don’t wanna do this.” Leaning down, he kissed Vikram full on the mouth. The older man gasped against his lips, but Lavi held on until his lover pulled him away. Clinging to Yuu and trying not to throw up—though he was making gagging noises—he looked for Vikram’s reaction.

Vikram’s eyes were wide and surprised, but the rest of his face was slack. It was that quality one had after a particularly good kiss. Lavi was proud of himself. Until he heard Yuu’s voice growling menacingly in his ear.

“If you ever do that again, _rabbit_ , I will kill you.”

Lavi gulped.

“ _Gomen,_ Yuu,” he whimpered against his lover’s chest, hugging him tightly. Vikram slowly pulled himself up from the bed, hand covering his mouth, and walked from the room. “I had to do something for him to confirm it. He… can I please go brush my teeth?”

Yuu snorted. “I am not forgiving you for that.” His stomach rumbled again. “And I still want food.”

“How about an apple?” Lavi asked, and Yuu sat next to him on the bed.

“I hate apples,” he said.

\---

_October 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark_

“Lolek!” Lenalee yelled, trying to sound cross but failing utterly. “Next time, tell me when your birthday is!”

“Well, I didn’t tell you anything because I didn’t want to celebrate it,” Lolek said, looking away from her.

“Lolek!” Lenalee exclaimed again, grabbing the man’s wrist as he walked away. “I know it hurts that your sister isn’t here anymore, but you can’t let it get you down forever!”

“How would you know? I’ve never seen you—”

“Just because I don’t show it doesn’t mean I didn’t care! Komui’s birthday was hard for me, too, and it must be doubly so for you because Lolle—” Lenalee’s heart wrenched as Lolek flinched at his sister’s name, “—was your twin!” When she finished, a pearly tear was falling from Lolek’s astoundingly blue eye.

He deflated, his arm going slack in Lenalee’s grip. “Do what you want,” he conceded, and Lenalee let him go.

“You need to celebrate, or else you’ll never be happy,” she called after him. She saw him shake his head before turning a corner, leaving Lenalee’s sight.

Sighing sadly, Lenalee headed toward the door to the Dark Order’s Headquarters, hoping the chef would bake her a cake if she asked for one. Enlisting the help of most of the soldiers, she set up a party. She smiled to herself. During the end of the war 114 years ago, there hadn’t been time for anything like this, and she had missed such festivities.

Now all that was left to do was gather party-goers. Heading over toward the Science Department, she quickly ensured a large attendance. The Finders, too, wanted something to celebrate, so they quickly agreed to Lenalee’s idea, saying it had been a long time since Lolek had enjoyed himself.

By six o’clock not even Lolek could keep away from the loud conversation and plethora of food. Surprisingly, Miranda dragged him in, an aggrieved look on her normally shy face. She seemed to be yelling at him.

“Come on Lolek! It’s not like a little social activity is going to kill you, and Lenalee went to sooo much trouble for you! She even begged the chef. She prostrated herself on the floor and _bowed down_ to him just for you—well, for your cake—so you should at least do her the honor of showing your face.” Lenalee had to suppress a giggle at Lolek’s horrified expression.

“Happy Birthday, Lolek!” Amanda screamed from across the room, running over and jumping on him.

“Get off of me!”

“Aww, Lolek’s a bit grumpy. Don’t worry, Lolek, it’s your party, you can cry if you want to!” She giggled, her arms still clasped in an iron hold around his neck.

Lenalee saw the chef emerge from the kitchen carrying a very large, chocolate cake.

“How come his is chocolate?” Amanda pouted loudly, finally letting the man go.

“Shut up, Amanda, not all of us are born on days dedicated to pie!” Lolek shot back. “Besides, I thought chocolate was your favorite kind, why are you complaining?”

“Because I never get it!” Amanda whined, but then her pouting face morphed into a sly grin. “Hey, Lolek, you know what time it is?”

“No.” Lolek’s face turned comically horrified. “No, Amanda, you—no!”

“Oh, yes, it’s birthday spankin’ time,” Amanda countered with a malicious, anticipatory grin. Lolek blanched albino pale.

“Not again! Wasn’t it bad enough last year?” Lolek asked desperately, gulping. Amanda’s grin grew, if possible, wider. Raising an arm and making to move so Lolek’s back was to her, she giggled. But then she stopped.

“Well, if you don’t want spankin’,” she began evilly, “how ‘bout a big, sloppy birthday kiss?”

Lolek paled further, turning the color of the buildings in Allen’s Ark. Lenalee heard a muttered, “what’s going on?” from Allen, and when she glanced over, she saw him, Lavi, and Kanda-kun walking in, looking somewhat confused.

“I don’t want a kiss from _you!_ ” Lolek exclaimed, and Lenalee turned back in time to see Miranda walk up and give him a kiss right on the lips. Lolek’s eyes widened in surprise, and he gave out a muffled cry.

“Oh, oh, ooooh! When did _this_ happen?” Amanda said, wagging her eyebrows suggestively.

“Funny story, that,” Lolek said breathlessly as Miranda pulled back, blushing and apologizing profusely in a horrified whisper.

“Oh? Do tell!” Amanda implored. The soldiers all gave out a cheer of encouragement.

“Well, you see, on the tenth, after everyone was drunk… well, you all know that Miranda got ridiculously smashed, right?”

Everyone laughed at the amusing memory and replied affirmatively.

“Well, I took her back to her room, and when we got there, she wobbles and then just _throws_ herself on me. I mean, I had been supporting her a lot, but she just _mauled_ me. We both fell down, so we tried to get back up. Well…” Lolek blushed mightily, “…you all know how it is when you’re drunk. It’s impossible to have good coordination, so Miranda almost fell over again. I caught her—thank God, because in her condition, she probably would’ve killed herself.”

There was more laughter among the crowd, and Lolek continued. “So, I tell her good night, and she just jumps up and _kisses_ me. And I mean _kisses_ me. Full-out, open-mouthed, tongue action kissing.”

Cheers erupted from the soldiers, and Lenalee blushed. It had been a long while since Miranda had been so forward, though, and she couldn’t help but feel glad that the older woman seemed to be returning to her previous self, her true self.

“Then, she pulls back and slurs out, ‘I loves ya, Lolek!’ in an outrageous German accent that I could barely understand. And my mother was German. Well, I was about to respond, and then she collapses on me! She passed out on my chest! It was hilarious.”

Miranda blushed. “Did I really say that?” She asked, her eyes almost comically wide and her voice horrified.

“You don’t remember?” Lolek asked, grabbing Miranda around the shoulder and holding her in place as she tried to run off. Miranda shook her head, still wearing that horrified expression. Lolek chuckled. “That’s okay, Miranda, but you have to remember that I loves you, too.”

Miranda nodded mutely, seemingly unable to say anything else. Lenalee watched as Lolek slowly leaned down and kissed her forehead and then her cheek before bringing his lips tenderly to the German woman’s.

It was beautiful and sweet, and Lenalee felt her chest clench in a strange emotion she couldn’t identify. Tears came to her eyes, and when she looked over at Allen, he was wearing a pained expression. It disappeared a moment later, and Allen walked up to the center of the room.

“I’ve got a great story for you guys!” He said, smiling widely. Lenalee’s stomach flipped. She loved it when Allen smiled like that. It was so free, so innocent, so… happy. “So, it was me, Lenalee, Kanda, Lavi, Miranda, and Krory—Krory was another Exorcist in our time—and we were just sitting around when Komui walks in. And he comes up and hugs Lenalee like usual and then says, ‘hey, guys! Guess what? I just built another Komurin!’ And then the wall to the cafeteria exploded, and the robot grabs Kanda and starts shaking him, waving him here and there. So, he draws Mugen, and there was a bright flash of awesome blue light and an explosion as Komui yelled, ‘NOOO, NOT MY KOMURIN!’ He started crying, and Lenalee just scoffed and said, ‘geez, _Gege_ , you’re going to kill someone!’ and she hits him with her clipboard!

“So then, Kanda falls to the ground because he was dizzy, and Krory comes up and tries to help him up, and Kanda, being the grump he is, tried to take Krory’s hand off. Obviously, Krory took that badly, and they ended up in a fist fight.” Allen finished his story with a bow. He had previously told everyone about the Komurin adventures, so this story was met with general amusement and appreciative laughs.

“When was this?” Lavi asked, sounding monumentally confused. He stared out into the distance, his eye going unfocused. Lenalee recognized it as the expression he made when he was concentrating on something that he couldn’t quite remember. It was uncommon, but it had happened a handful of times. A minute later, Lavi shook his head, looking disturbed. “I’ve never _not_ been able to remember. Are you sure I was there, Allen?”

Allen’s expression grew worried, and Miranda nodded. “Of course you were there, Lavi, that was right after you came back with Bookman,” she said.

Allen looked stricken. “No, Miranda,” he said hastily. “He definitely wasn’t there.”

“But he was sitting next to me,” the brunette insisted.

“No, he wasn’t. Remember, it was while he was gone,” Allen said, shooting her significant looks.

Miranda looked confused. “No, it was definitely after he got back, because he didn’t get back until after… after Christmas.” Her voice shook, breaking on the last word.

“I’m missing something, right?” Lavi asked, looking imploringly over at Kanda-kun. The latter of the two sighed and scoffed in his usual manner.

“You weren’t there,” Kanda-kun said finally. “Miranda is just getting the years mixed up.”

It was a lie—they all knew it, but the agreement stated that they would never talk about it. Lavi didn’t question Kanda-kun’s answer, but his look said that he wouldn’t forget about it. After all, Lavi never forgot anything, even if it took him a while to retrieve the information.

\---

_October 22, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark_

“Vikram, come back here!” Emiko shouted after the Indian man’s retreating back.

“No, I’m busy!” Vikram yelled without turning around. Hastily, as if trying not to offend, he added, “sorry!”

“How can you be busy?” Emiko questioned loudly, taking longer strides in order to catch up with him. “There’s nothing to do here!”

“I’m still busy!” The man hollered, this time over his shoulder.

“You’re lying to me!”

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are, because you’re not looking me in the eye!” Emiko reasoned from a good five meters away.

“You’re right, I’m not, because I’m avoiding you!”

“Why?” Emiko questioned, dread pooling in her stomach.

“I just need time to think!” Vikram shouted almost desperately.

“You make it sound like we’re a couple!” Emiko exclaimed.

Vikram froze. Quickly, Emiko ran up until she was at his side. Stepping in front of him, she poked his chest. “What is _wrong_ with you?”

“I’m confused, just let me think,” Vikram said, almost moaning. He didn’t catch her gaze, and there was a tiny hint of a blush on his cheeks.

“Oh…” Emiko blinked. “Think?”

“My brain is malfunctioning,” Vikram said, sounding miserable.

“At least it’s not your wardrobe,” Emiko quipped. Vikram looked her in the eyes for the first time, silencing her.

“I need a bit of time,” he said finally, ripping his eyes from hers.

“Oh, okay,” Emiko replied, trying not to sound disappointed. She walked off quickly, hoping Vikram wouldn’t see how much his rebuke had hurt her. Her small glimmer of hope extinguished itself, and she tried not to cry as she ran—no, _retreated_ —back to her room.

She didn’t make it, though. Tama-chan was in front of her door, hand poised as if he was about to knock. Panic filled her. She was about to break down, and she didn’t think she could handle seeing anyone—Tama-chan especially—at the moment. The problem was simple: when she cried, her voice deepened, and she couldn’t hide it.

Shaking his head, Tama-chan seemed to think better of knocking on the door and turned. Emiko quickly dove into the room on her left, hoping she wouldn’t interrupt whoever was in here.

“Emiko, what are you—?” The person started, but then Tama-chan interrupted.

“Emiko? Is that you? I need to talk to you,” he said.

“I—not right now, _ne_ , Tama-chan?” She said, trying to keep her voice high despite how horribly it was cracking and lowering against her will.

“You sound funny, are you okay?” Tama-chan asked, sounding concerned.

“Just… just fine,” Emiko responded, her voice barely above a teary whisper.

Tama-chan sighed. “Can you come out, please?”

Stepping out of the room with a reluctant sigh, she was surprised when Tama-chan pulled her into a body-encompassing hug. Emiko blinked.

“Tama-chan?” She asked in surprise. “What are you doing?”

“I’m hugging you, duh,” he replied into her hair.

“Er, why?”

“Because you’re about to cry. I bet its Vikram. What did he do?”

Why was Tama-chan, of all people, comforting her? “He… _nothing._ He d-did nothing. It’s—”

Tama-chan held her even closer. “It’s okay to cry, Emiko. He’s just being a jackass and a tease because he doesn’t understand that he likes ya.”

“He doesn’t like me,” Emiko responded miserably, her voice dropping an octave.

“Actually!” She heard Lavi-kun’s voice from behind Tama-chan, and when she pulled back enough to see, she saw Kanda-kun and Lavi-kun were next to the man who was currently hugging her. “I beg to differ!”

Emiko stared unbelievingly. “He doesn’t, though. He’s avoiding me now, and it’s all because I kissed him the other day when I was dressed as a guy.”

“So the kiss was mutual, then? Well, that makes me feel a bit better. I still need mouthwash, though—”

“Wait. Why were you dressed as a guy?” Tama-chan interrupted.

“Because I’m a guy,” Emiko answered, point-blank.

“So I _wasn’t_ hearing things!” The Hungarian man exclaimed. Emiko shook her head mutely. Suddenly, the world jumped as the man picked her up, gripping her sides tightly, turning her from side to side as if she were some kind of doll. “You _are_ rather stocky, I guess. And your voice _does_ seem to be very low right now. How do you keep such a high falsetto?”

Emiko hoped she didn’t look as stricken as she felt. She didn’t want to talk about that. It bordered on mentioning what had happened during those seven bad months, and she had put those behind her. “Practice,” she said simply. Tama-chan nodded in acceptance, putting her down on the ground again.

“Sorry, just to make sure…” he muttered, placing a hand on her very flat chest.

She screamed. “Get off, you molester! I’m gonna tell Chu-chan!”

The tears from earlier started running down her face, so she ran off to her room.

\---

_October 30, 2013—Xenia, Ohio, USA_

Road cast her mind around, trying to sense more Akuma. Shaking her head at Cyrah, they moved on, traveling through one of her doors as usual. They had not seen any Akuma since that day two weeks ago when Road had chosen her loyalties. It saddened her that she could no longer be around Faith, but she knew it was necessary. She heard a phone ring, and when she glanced over, Cyrah was pulling hers out.

“Kabbah,” she said curtly, answering her cell. Road listened to the tinny voice on the other line, edging closer so she could hear better. It was a man’s voice, deep and rich.

“ _Cyrah—we’re in Iraq now,_ ” the voice said. Road assumed he was a General as well, judging from the note of authority in his tone.

“Are you making any progress?” Cyrah questioned, sounding dismissive. Road had been around her long enough to know that that was just how she acted, though, and she thought that perhaps the woman was concerned for the General on the phone.

“ _That’s the thing,_ ” the voice said, and Cyrah raised an interested eyebrow. “ _They’re gone. All of them._ ”

“Here too,” Cyrah said faintly. “For how long?”

“ _At least a week and a half,_ ” the other General said, his tinny voice holding some subtle emotion that Road could not place from such a distance.

“Us too. We should go back to the Order.”

“ _Why? Perhaps we haven’t been looking in the right places? Maybe they’re… migratory?_ ” The General did not sound convinced, and Road scoffed.

“Migratory my ass,” she muttered darkly to herself.

“There have been some… _interesting_ developments,” Cyrah said vaguely, and Road knew at once that she was being discussed.

“ _What happened?_ ” The General sounded urgent now.

“Just get back to the Order, and I’ll explain,” Cyrah responded.

“ _Cyrah, what’s wrong?_ ” His tinny, alarmed voice was starting to break up over the phone.

“I’m going to need you to trust me,” Cyrah said seriously.

“ _You know I would always—_ ”

“No, this time, you won’t, but I need you to at least remember that I’m the most against this.”

That was the first Road had heard of Cyrah’s opinion. As the General hung up a minute later, she walked over, wondering how to broach the topic. But Cyrah was already on the phone again.

“ _Er, hello?_ ” Came a voice that sounded deliciously like Allen’s.

“Walker.”

“ _Yes?_ ” Road could flutter to his voice all day.

“In ten minutes, we will be outside the gates of the Dark Order. I need you and Lee there. No one else.”

“ _General Kabbah, what’s this about?_ ” Allen sounded just as worried as the other General had.

“There is a… _situation_ that needs to be dealt with—” Road suppressed a sneeze, “—and only you and Lee will understand.”

“ _Ten minutes, you say? Where the hell are you? It says that you’re calling from_ Ohio. _Do you need a ride in the Ark?_ ”

“Just be there,” Cyrah said, flipping her phone shut. Rounding on Road, she added harshly, “you.”

Road stood up straighter, feeling very much as if she was under intense scrutiny.

“If this is a trick, you will not escape alive.” Just the iron in her voice was enough to insure that fact, and Road felt an involuntary shiver go up her spine, ending at the base of her skull and making her shake slightly.

“It’s not,” she said, a bit more venom in her voice than there should have been. “No one even knows why we’re fighting anymore.”

“But you do?”

“Of course. I was there when this all began. I am called the First Child of Noah for a reason, although that title is not technically true. I’ll explain everything when we get there, but you should know that I am on your side in the rest of this war. My brothers have gone too far. The Earl is drugging Faith, Strength is killing with unnecessary brutality, and I can’t keep it all in check anymore.”

Opening a door, she stepped through, beckoning for the three Exorcists to follow. They did upon seeing the Order’s gates on the other side, even though their faces showed a trepidation that Road assumed would always be there. Looking up at the gates, Road felt another shiver run up her spine. She had never seen inside these walls, and they gave off such an ominous, Innocence-ridden aura that it hurt somewhere deep inside her.

“Road?” Allen’s voice was shocked, angry, and curious at the same time.

“Hi, Allen. Faith sent me—I no longer wish to follow the Earl’s ridiculous quest.”

Allen relaxed immediately, as did Lenalee, who was at his side.

“You are with us, then?” He asked uncertainly. Road nodded, and Allen smiled.

Road had not felt so accepted since Tyki had died, ironically killed by the boy and Noah standing in front of her. Running forward, she wrapped her arms around their necks, pulling them into a close, familial hug. They returned it with equal vigor, placing their arms around her slim form and pulling her closer.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” It was an exclamation from the same person whose tinny voice had spoken to Cyrah.

“Relax, Tuan, she’s with us,” Allen said calmly, tightening his arms around Road possessively, as one would do to a sister who had been lost a long time. Road’s eyes prickled with tears at the unspoken gesture. Allen Walker and Lenalee Lee would fight the entire Order to allow her presence here; they would alienate their people just for her. Road felt warm for the first time since Sarah had died. It was a tiny, glowing feeling, like someone had lit a small candle in her chest. Her blood began to hurt, as did her forehead and every inch of skin, but it was more akin to a buzz than actual pain, so she ignored it.

“I’m not here to hurt your people. I want to help—I want to fight for Faith,” Road affirmed. Tuan looked confused.

“Cyrah, is this what you were talking about?” He asked, gesturing helplessly at the Noah in front of him. Cyrah nodded gravely, coming to stand next to Road in a way that implied support. Maya, the annoying Mexican Exorcist that Road hated for her short-sightedness and self-centered personality, did the same, surprising her. Flapping down, Innocence activated in a way that prickled at Road’s ashen skin, Krista silently threatened the General to go against them.

Tuan’s eyes widened as he noted Road’s alarming support, but he kept his mouth shut. More Exorcists appeared on the scene, dashing out of the main gates, Innocence ablaze. They stopped abruptly, some of them falling over from pure shock, as they saw Road hugging their two most important comrades.

She saw a shock of red hair. She saw long, flowing black hair. She saw the Exorcist she had hurt and broken, and she felt … _horrible._ It was the first time since Sarah had died that she had ever felt remorse for hurting another human being. It was there, undeniable, albeit somewhat belated. But it was still there. She turned helplessly back to Allen, the pools of tears in her eyes from earlier overflowing into little twin waterfalls of pain. Looking into the pure, beautiful stigmata that seemed to have remained on their foreheads, the fury, grief, and pain simply… disappeared. Disappeared as if it had melted and then evaporated into nothing. Disappeared as if it had never been there.

Pain so intense it threatened to rip Road apart spread through her entire body, and she felt Allen and Lenalee’s strong grips holding her up as she thrashed and punched at the air, screaming all the while.


	25. Memory

Chapter 23—Memory

__October 30, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

The warning bells rang all through Headquarters, and consequently, through the Ark. Allen had told them to stay inside, though, and Lavi didn’t want to break that particular promise. Oodzuchi was in his hand, activated, just as Mugen was in his lover’s. Yuu looked fierce and ready for battle, an expression that Lavi had always appreciated. It was angry, yes, but it was calculating and determined, and it made Lavi’s heart melt a little. He would never tell Yuu that, though.

Looking on the projection, Lavi gasped. He had known that the enemy knew where they were, but the scene taking place outside the Dark Order was simply absurd. Out in front of the gate was Road Kamelot, and even more bizarre was the fact that Allen and Lenalee were _hugging_ her. He had realized that they were Noah—no one could deny the stigmata, however heavenly, on their foreheads. They seemed to be of a different sort, though, and Lavi did not fear them. They were still the same people, and their Innocence did not reject them. Rather, every time they activated, it burned a beautiful, heart-piercing gold. It was the color of the Noahs’ eyes, that was true, but it was shining and _pleasant_.

He watched as General Kabbah and the two remaining Exorcists in her group—they had gotten missives from her on the twenty-eighth of September, along with a casket containing Bak’s body—walked (or flew, in Krista’s case) to Road’s side in a show of support.

“This is insane,” he heard Yuu’s buttery voice say, and Lavi nodded in agreement.

“Let’s see what’s goin’ on,” he muttered. Yuu nodded, and together, they ran to the gate, knocking innocent Science Department geeks and Finders out of the way in their urgency.

The scene in front of them was the same as it had been projected. Looking on Allen and Lenalee’s faces, Lavi saw no signs of Noah possession—blank looks and stars on foreheads being two. That relieved him somewhat, but he was still on edge, and next to him, exactly five centimeters away, Yuu seemed to be in the same state of mind. In fact, he was growling a little. It was kind of cat-like. And it was kind of arousing.

But Lavi couldn’t think that right now. He had to find out just what the fuck was going on and why Road was here in the first place. He opened his mouth to ask, but at that moment, Road looked directly into his eyes. Two deeply sorrowful golden eyes met his solitary analytical green one. A moment passed between them, and Lavi somehow _knew_ that she was feeling repentant. Her gaze shifted to his side, and he noted Emiko’s position next to Yuu, Vikram at her side despite the awkwardness between the two of late.

Road’s eyes widened for a second, and all of a sudden, the sorrow was replaced with a pain that rained on the world from just her look. She screamed out, high and unrestrained, gritty with its force. It reminded Lavi of Allen when he was in acute pain at the hands of the Fourteenth.

A transformation so stunning and so complete that Lavi nearly dropped Oodzuchi came over the petite Noah. The first thing he noticed was how the ashen skin seemed to bleed away into the ground, where it dissolved into nothingness. Then, her eyes began to bleed profusely, not stopping as hair extended, long and beautiful, beyond her shoulders. It waved here and there as hair was wont to do, and it’s beautiful deep, shining black hue caressed her back as it cascaded almost lusciously down. After only a few seconds, when the hair had completed its revival—that was the only term Lavi could think of—her eyes bled away all signs of gold. Road blinked over, obviously in pain, at the now large group of Exorcists and Lavi saw dark, crystalline blue, a shade deeper than the finest sapphire. Her stigmata bled into her eyelashes, but when it finally yielded just moments later, it had the same divine, heavenly look as Allen and Lenalee’s. Though she was blood-covered and quivering heavily in the white-haired Exorcist’s arms, Lavi could not help but think of her as beautiful.

It was not, he amended a moment later, as if he was attracted to her. He was simply admiring her beauty for what it was—just as he admired Lenalee for her pretty purple eyes and silken black hair or Amanda for her strange but cute accent. He felt no butterflies in his stomach. The only one he could ever truly admire in ways of looks was Yuu. But he was not thinking of that right now, _dammit._ He understood now why Bookman had told him that attachments made it hard to concentrate. Not that he would ever give his sun up.

Road arose from her huddled position in Allen’s arms. She looked straight through Lavi, piercing him in place as if using one of her bizarre candles. He couldn’t move, couldn’t even take his eyes from her as she walked slowly, haltingly, over to him. Yuu stirred anxiously (though he would never admit it) as Road approached, cautiously embracing Lavi as if he was precious and loved.

“I am so sorry,” she said softly, looking up into Lavi’s eye. Again, he was caught in her beauty’s spell. “I broke you.”

Lavi cleared his throat, which had suddenly become very tight. Smiling slightly, he said just as quietly, “Sometimes things that need to be fixed have to be broken first. You healed me, Road, or at least, you allowed me to heal myself.” It surprised him that he had suddenly forgiven her for meddling in his brain, breaking down barriers surrounding emotions that should never have been allowed out. He was somehow impossibly grateful, and he gulped, clearing his throat again, trying to hold back tears that suddenly wanted to flow from his eyes, ruined or not.

He felt Yuu’s hand delicately slip into his own, and his heart swelled. Road glanced down at their joined hands fleetingly and then smiled.

“You seem… happy. I am glad, but… I still broke you.”

“Yes.” Lavi agreed, and Road’s face crumpled just slightly, “Thank you.”

Road’s tears, still mixing with the blood left in and around her eyes, fell steadily down her cheeks, and she nodded, knowing that Lavi completely forgave her for all she had done to him. She turned to Emiko—Lavi wondered why and immediately wanted to know what Road had done to the poor girl-boy, who Vikram was physically restraining, despite the girl-boy’s obvious attempts to get free.

“Emiko…-chan?” Road asked softly, her voice breaking on the last syllable. Lavi knew at once that she wouldn’t try to hug the girl—Lavi decided that was the best thing to call her, seeing as she was in drag at the moment. Road was smart. She knew Emiko had boundaries.

“Fuck you!” Emiko shouted, her voice the rich tenor of a man.

“I broke you, too. I’m not asking forgiveness. What I did to you can’t be forgiven. But I’m so sorry, Sasaki. I was… corrupted by the Earl’s influence. I… wasn’t in my right mind at the time. Please, _please_ , if there is anything you want me to do for you, I won’t hesitate to do it. If you want to kill me, go ahead!” She hung her head, arms at her sides, and when she gazed back up at the other girl, her tears had doubled yet again. “Please, just… I’m so _sorry_. If I could go back, I’d stop myself. I’m just—”

“Shut the fuck up,” Emiko said sharply, and her voice was back in its chiming falsetto. “You ruined my life, don’t go _apologizing_ for it.” She spat out the last phrase with such venom and hate that Lavi shivered against it just a little bit. From Road’s stricken face, she had been similarly affected.

“I know, and if there’s anything I can—”

“Just don’t ever talk about it! I’m fine! I live with what I’ve become every day, and I don’t need you sniveling around me trying to—”

“Emiko!” Vikram snapped, and the girl shut up. A tear ran down Emiko’s face, but otherwise, she remained stoic, not breaking her composure even to wipe the tear away.

“Do you never want to see me again?” Road asked in a small voice. It was that of a child who knew she was hated.

“No,” Emiko snapped sharply, her voice flinty and yet emotionless.

Road nodded. “I understand. I will avoid you.” Turning to Allen and Lenalee, she walked back to them, her pace just as slow and uneven. She fell back into their arms, obviously unable to support herself. Lavi felt a vague sort of pity coil around in his gut, and he had a horrible feeling that it was aimed toward Road Kamelot.

The gates slammed open, and Lavi flinched at the sudden sound on his too-sensitive ears as the Director walked out. He paused as he saw Road.

“What’s… going on here?” He asked eloquently. Lavi wanted to know, too, although he had some ideas.

“Actually, Road, I’d like to know, too,” Allen said quietly, placing her back on her feet only to have her crumple down into his arms again. He grimaced lightly and held her, obviously not willing to let her go for fear of attack.

“I… need to be here. Faith said I needed to be here. With you, Allen, Lenalee. With her Heart.”

Allen nodded gravely. “Welcome to the Dark Order, Road,” he said softly. Lavi froze, and for once, his brain stopped working.

“Say wha…?” The Director asked, his speech just as eloquent as it had been before.

“Perhaps you should explain fully once we’re inside. Director, would you mind if we use your office? I think the Generals—oh, and Lavi and Kanda, too, since they are extraordinarily powerful—should hear what she has to say,” Allen requested, but they all knew it was an order.

The Director nodded mutely but didn’t move.

“Is there a problem, Director?” Allen asked, and Lavi sensed his dark side coming into play.

“To allow a Noah…”

“I am here. You know I possess the memories of the Fourteenth. You have seen that Lenalee and I now carry the true stigmata. You are obviously avoiding confronting that topic, but apparently, Lenalee and I are connected to the Noah. You see Road in front of you, cleansed of her past sins and the millennia of corruption the Earl has imposed on her. Not allowing her a moment of your time to explain how she came to be here is close to sacrilege, and I won’t have that in this Order. There has been enough corruption, enough closed-mindedness. Let her in, and if you still don’t trust her intentions, I will not blame you, but she is staying. This stigmata symbolizes our relationship as siblings of sorts, and I cannot turn down one I love—and yes, I _do_ love her, somehow—when she needs sanctuary.”

Lavi blinked. He hadn’t heard Allen go off on a speech like that since the day before the final battle.

The Director nodded in silent, stunned acquiescence, and he led the way to his office, looking bewilderedly at passersby. If any of the Science Departmenters or Finders thought Road’s presence strange, they didn’t mention it, instead keeping to themselves and gazing away, coughing as if afraid of interrupting the proceedings.

When they reached the office, the Director turned on Road, staring her down. He had apparently regained his voice on the walk back, and he seemed to want to exercise it now.

“Explain to me what’s going on. I am willing to listen.”

Road took a deep, almost agonizing, breath, and she began her tale. “Perhaps I should start at the very beginning, with Noah. He was the man chosen by God, chosen to lead the world, chosen as a new Adam of sorts. He and his wife had a daughter, and they named her Faith, since she was the embodiment of their faith in God. Noah lived a long life, and when he died, he passed his… spirit, so to speak, on to his daughter. The thing is, Noah was a very strong man, and his emotions were far too powerful for the young, fourteen-year-old girl to handle. I was released first, almost within hours of Noah’s death. In Greece, I was conceived, and when I was sixteen, I had a very strange dream about a beautiful girl with heavenly stigmata. She looked at me, and I looked at her, and I knew I had to find her. That was the first time I created a door.

“Faith released many others, including her Innocence, which was too powerful even to be held in a human host—whole, anyway. At first, she tried splitting it in half, but it could not be handled even when its power was weakened, so she shattered it, spread it across the world, hoping that would disperse the power enough to be handled. She still felt very strong bonds to it, so she kept the two strongest pieces—those who would form her ‘heart,’ so to speak—to herself.

“Like all things, though, the two pieces were lost. One day, they simply vanished, and Faith knew they would appear again to her. Or so she hoped. Decades passed, and Faith felt the Innocence bond with humans or objects to be wielded by humans, and it made the race just that much stronger.”

Road paused for breath, which came in shaking gasps, as if each word she had just spoken was taking a huge effort. Bracing herself with another fortifying breath, she went on.

“She released Love, Envy, Pleasure, Passion, and Lust. Lust was different, though. She was Noah’s Form as well, and she could take on many different ones herself. To this day, none of us truly understood her, not even Faith, I don’t think. But the story does not revolve around Lust. It revolves around Love.

“Sarah was the sweetest, most caring young woman I knew. She cared for us all—Faith included—as if she was our mother, and we all loved her. Cyril the most, I think, besides Faith. Faith _adored_ her, thought of her almost as that loving aunt figure who always, always cares for you despite what your mother thinks. Love was… Sarah was…”

Road’s voice softened until they could hear it no longer, and when she finally reached an audible dynamic again, her voice was haunted. “But all good things come to an end. Sarah was killed by the very Innocence that Faith thought would heal the world simply by being.” She laughed bitterly. “They called Love a heathen, said she was ungodly. If only they knew…”

She was silent for a long time, and when the Director motioned for her to continue, she did not. It was like she could not voice what had happened, and Lavi couldn’t really blame her. She was probably still very much in pain, and just speaking at all seemed to be a monumental effort. Allen put a comforting hand on her shoulder (his other hand occupied holding Lenalee’s), and it seemed that Road was finally able to continue.

“I will never forget that day,” she said softly. “Something _broke_ inside of Faith as she saw the Innocence-ridden cross plunged through Sarah’s chest. I felt it break; the others did, too. When we looked over at Faith, something very, very _wrong_ was happening. That was the day the Earl was born.”

The Director coughed, obviously interrupting. “Are you saying the Earl is a Noah?” He asked, his voice both incredulous and accusing, as if Road could have stopped the events in the past from happening.

“Yes. He is Revenge, and as we all know, revenge breeds Sorrow. It feeds on sorrow almost, and it feels the need to create more.”

Lavi’s brain quickly worked through the connotations of those words. “Akuma?” He asked in wonder. Road nodded.

“All Akuma are Noah’s Sorrow, twisted beyond recognition into killing machines that in turn feed on more sorrow until the world is a cold, desolate place.”

Lavi felt Yuu’s hand tighten just slightly in his. He looked over at the man in the corner of his left eye and saw that his lover seemed… dumbfounded. Squeezing Yuu’s hand just as subtly, he smiled lightly, lifting only the corners of his mouth. A silent message passed between the two of them: _I understand you are confused and will explain it properly to you later._

Lavi thought Yuu looked thankful, but Road continued her story at that moment, and he could no longer think of his lover, despite his mind’s almost obsessive need to.

“Faith fell asleep for a long time after that. Occasionally, she would release another emotion, but she slept for millennia as the Earl took control, twisting us all beyond our moral capacity. Perhaps that is why Strength was born in the late fifties. After losing Bonds, she felt that we were even more vulnerable to the Earl’s control, and she wanted to send us something to help—even though I was the only one left.” Her voice dripped with an almost mournful tune at the end, but Road continued, wearing only a small, bitter grimace. “Chaz is Noah’s Moral Strength. Or he was supposed to be, but the Earl corrupted him, too. He doesn’t know the true story, so he only follows the Earl’s orders. I followed them because I thought that’s what Faith wanted, but when she woke up a few months ago, it soon became apparent that she didn’t. At first, I tried to ignore it, thought that maybe it was just a ‘phase’ or something. Obviously, it wasn’t, or I wouldn’t be here.

“One day, the Earl told her something, and it scared her. That’s all I know, but after that, he _drugged_ her, forced her into sleep again.” Anger swelled in her voice, but thankfully, Allen’s grip on her shoulder had become a warning not to lose herself again. “Then Chaz, he… with Artemis. Oh, _Artemis._ When I found out, I was so horrified. Not even Tyki at his worst would torture someone like that. Oh, God, the _things_ he did to her! I looked in on his dreams one night, and he was _dreaming about it, and DEAR GOD, WHY!?_ ”

It seemed Road couldn’t go on, and everyone watched as she broke down completely, tears washing away the last of the blood on her face. Allen took her completely into his arms, where she shook as she cried softly.

“I tried to save her—I left a door open, gave her a brand for a crutch—but Chaz caught up with her, and he… he killed her! I couldn’t do any more than that without the Earl noticing! But he _did_ notice! And he came after me. Faith told me to find a safe place to stay, so when I eventually found Cyrah’s group, I had the idea of staying with the Heart.”

“The Heart?” The Director questioned. “What are you saying?”

“Allen and Lenalee are Faith’s Heart, the Heart of her Innocence, the two strongest pieces of the larger whole. I am safe with them, and I want to join the cause. The Earl should not be allowed to live any longer. He needs…” Road swallowed with some difficulty and steeled her tone. “…He needs to be killed,” she finished.

Lavi was stunned. Road’s story made everything _make sense_ , in a twisted, perverted way. Somehow, everything revolving around Noah was something they had all known but had failed to grasp. He sighed as Road broke down yet again. Her story was food for much thought, and he wasn’t sure how much sleep he would get that night. Bookman or not, Lavi would be thinking about this until the wee hours of the morning, because even this was more pleasant than his dreams. Not that that mattered.

The Director nodded. “I think…” he said hoarsely, “…that you should be allowed to stay here.”

From the set of everyone’s faces, there was no disputing that decision.

Someone in the corner coughed loudly, and Lavi looked over, noticing not for the first time a scrawny man of around forty staring intently at the group of Exorcists. _Bookman,_ Lavi thought immediately. The clan wouldn’t have missed this, not for anything in the world. This war was simply too important to be left off any record, let alone that of the Bookman clan. The man caught his eye for a moment before looking back at Road.

“For clarity’s sake, you are saying that the Earl is a Noah, the Innocence is a Noah, and Generals Walker and Lee are its Heart?” The Bookman asked, though Lavi knew he had already figured this out. _Whose benefit is this explanation for?_ He thought. Looking at the confused Director, he found his answer.

Road nodded in confirmation, her tears finally drying. “May I have accommodations in the Ark? Because of Sebastian’s presence in it, I think I may feel more at home.”

If anyone was wondering who in the hell Sebastian was, they didn’t question it, allowing Road to be led away by Allen and Lenalee. Squeezing their still connected hands, Lavi gestured to Yuu that they should leave. A hand caught his shoulder as he walked out.

“You are… Liam?” The Bookman asked. Lavi shook his head.

“I am Lavi—Liam is my past. What do you need?”

The Bookman’s eyes flitted to their connected hands and back, almost too quickly for an untrained eye to see. Lavi felt a slight annoyance rise in his stomach.

“There are some things I need to speak to you about—privately.” The Bookman shifted his eyes to Yuu, nodding slightly, as if Lavi or his lover couldn’t get the picture.

Lavi knew better than to try to fight the Bookman on the matter of company and removed his hand from Yuu’s. The Japanese man looked subtly surprised and almost… confused. Lavi couldn’t blame him. In any other situation, he would have insisted that Yuu stay. This, obviously, was to be a conversation between Bookmen, and such a conversation included cutting off emotions. Yuu didn’t need to see that, and Lavi didn’t think he could do it with the other man in the room.

“ _Gome,_ Yuu, I’ll see you in a while. I don’t know how long—could be minutes, could be hours. Don’t worry, though, I’ll stop by if it’s gonna take a long time.”

Yuu nodded almost curtly and left the room, his back just slightly too straight. Lavi knew he was angry from the set of his jaw, but his back was impossibly tense as he left the room, and the redhead was more than a little worried. Still, he was glad that Yuu was able to show his emotions, if only a little. He had a long way to go, and Lavi didn’t know if his lover would ever be able to fully express himself.

“Come into my office,” the Bookman said, leading him down a path that filled Lavi with dread. He knew this path, probably more intimately than any other path in the Order, save for the one to Yuu’s room. After all, how could he ever forget how many times he had traversed the distance between Bookman’s room and the Director’s office?

Lavi’s stomach sank with dread as they turned the corner and headed toward the room next to the library. It sank further when the Bookman stopped in front of the room he had once come to enjoy and unlocked it. A vague memory twitched in his brain, and he thought of how Bookman had locked the room, too, saying that the secrets must always be protected, if only by a thin lock.

Catching Lavi’s disbelieving stare, the Bookman shrugged and grinned. “It’s to keep the secrets in, to keep them—”

“—Safe, I know,” Lavi interrupted, not having the patience for that train of thought. “Why do you want me here?” He asked as he sat down on what had once been his bed. He was surprised it was still there, but then he saw a little kid of maybe five scrawling notes at Lavi’s old desk. His heart ached for the little girl whose life would be so destroyed by the path she had chosen.

“Lily, leave now,” the Bookman said. The girl looked up, seeming confused.

“I thought you said I was supposed to—”

“This matter does not belong in the record,” the Bookman said firmly.

“But Master, you said that _everything_ —”

“Do not question me.” The Bookman’s voice was as sharp as Yuu’s Innocence.

Locking his young heir out, he took a seat on the bed across from Lavi. “You really _are_ him?” He asked, and Lavi could tell just from his eyes that he was burning with curiosity. That was probably the reason the previous Bookman had chosen him.

“Yes,” Lavi replied simply.

“Your Master left a message with his heir, who in turn left it to me. He knew you would eventually awaken from your encasement, and he left you an ultimatum: do you still want to be a Bookman?”

Lavi’s eye widened. Of all the possibilities for this conversation’s path, he had not thought of this one. “No,” he replied almost immediately, shaking his head just a little bit. The Bookman gave no emotion away, but a twitch of his eyebrow belied his true curiosity.

“May I ask why?” He asked lightly, almost politely, but still emotionlessly.

“I found my heart,” Lavi said simply. He didn’t need to say anything else—the Bookman had seen his and Yuu’s intertwined hands.

“Then I have something for you.” Getting up, he moved over to his bookshelf and picked out fifteen very thick, very heavy-looking tomes. Lavi looked up at him questioningly, and the Bookman continued with an explanation. “These are your Master’s records of his time with you, his concerns about your character, and his notes on your progress. They’ve never been read except by that Bookman himself, but he put in his message that if you refused, you were to read these, should you want to.”

Lavi nodded and took the volumes, staggering under their weight. He walked over to the library and sat them down on a table. He could finish these within a few hours and get back to Yuu then. Cracking open what seemed to be the first of the fifteen, Voice walked faintly into his head.

_Don’t read those alone,_ he warned, a strange note of urgency in his voice.

_Why not?_ Lavi asked. He didn’t have anyone he really wanted to read these with.

_Just listen ta me once, asshole. You_ don’t _want ta read those alone._

Lavi scoffed aloud and picked the books up from the table, carrying them with no small effort up to Yuu’s room. Kicking on the door, he shouted in a very strained voice, “Yuu! Lemme in! ‘S heavy!”

The door opened far too slowly for Lavi’s liking, and Yuu looked at him with the strangest expression. It was confusion, exasperation, and something that looked suspiciously like amusement.

“I’m not helping you carry those rabbit,” he said, taking the top few volumes from Lavi’s aching arms.

“Sure y’aren’t,” Lavi grunted, bypassing Yuu and dropping the books on the other man’s desk.

“What’s all this about?” Yuu asked.

“They’re Bookman’s logs about me,” Lavi replied, trying to keep the quaking note from his voice.

“Oh—you couldn’t read them in the library?”

“Voice said I shouldn’t read them alone,” Lavi said in a hushed tone. Looking concerned, Yuu sat down on the bed, placing the remaining volumes in his hands on the bedside table.

Lavi stood, unable to decide what to do. He wanted to read them, but Yuu looked uninterested, and he didn’t think he could read it with anyone but the older man.

“Are you going to get a book and sit down?” Yuu asked almost impatiently from the bed, and Lavi realized he had misinterpreted the situation. Yuu had never waited for him before. It was a pleasant feeling, and it made him feel a tiny clenching motion in his stomach for just a moment. Grabbing the first volume, he sat next to Yuu, sitting very close to him. Yuu didn’t seem to mind, so Lavi leaned a bit against the other man and opened the book.

“ _I found an apprentice today,_ ” Lavi read. “ _His name is Liam, and he has the potential to become even more observant than me. His right eye in particular is very strong. He saw the glint of my knife when only the barest hint of blade was showing. He was able to tell me the exact number of needles in my acupuncture scroll. And he was able to remember everything I told him. He also seems very above his age level in language and comprehension. What first caught my attention was his very detailed and obviously spur-of-the-moment explanation of_ Plato’s Republic. _I believe that, should he stay on this course—a fact I will ensure comes to pass—he will become one of the better Bookmen of the clan._ ”

Lavi looked up at Yuu, who grunted in interest. “ _Plato’s Republic_?” He asked, disbelieving.

Lavi nodded mutely. “Yeah, it was a really good read,” he said. Shrugging, he added, “interesting, too.”

Yuu grunted noncommittally and gestured for Lavi to read more.

\---

_November 5, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark_

Road, it turned out, was a very insightful, if childish, individual, and over the course of the past week, the Exorcists and other Order members alike had been forced to see that. She was often seen outside, searching for Akuma for them, but each day, she came back in with a discouraged look on her face.

“It’s not that I don’t feel them,” she’d explained the previous day. “It’s just that they’re not _here_. I can’t tell where they are, but I know there are still overpowering in number.”

The connotations of those words were not lost on Allen, and he wondered just how the Akuma problem would be solved. This was a war, and if the other side was still more powerful, then there was no way they could possibly hope to win. The Earl himself was impossibly strong, but there were only so many Exorcists. It seemed that the number and levels of the Akuma would decide it, and that idea didn’t sit very well with Allen.

_You’re wrong,_ Moyashi, Sebastian muttered in his head. _This time, you’ve got Noahs on your side. And we have Faith. Faith decides everything, or were you not listening to Road the other day?_

_But there’s still the Earl,_ Allen reasoned. Sebastian shook his head, disagreeing.

_But you’re the Heart,_ he countered. Allen had nothing to say to that.

He passed Road in the alleyway that headed toward the Exorcists’ square, noting as he did so that she looked tired. He remembered passing her room the night before and hearing screams. He wondered how often she’d been having nightmares. Judging by the large, dark bruises beneath her eyes, there hadn’t been a night when she’d slept dream-free. Perhaps that made sense, though, seeing as she was the Noah of Dreams.

The past few days had been interesting as all the members of the Order had slowly gotten used to Road’s presence. Most people avoided her, obviously afraid that she would betray them, but Allen had sought to incorporate her with the main group, and after some initial shyness, Road had taken to Amanda swimmingly. They had spent the previous night talking about girly products and brushing each other’s hair. Allen supposed he should let the frivolities go, as Amanda seemed to need a new best friend, but when they had come out wearing pink, frilly negligees, he had had to draw the line.

“Oh, Road, there you are!” Amanda exclaimed from farther down the alley.

Allen grimaced lightly. _Speak of the devil, and she will come… sporting the pink negligee she bought the other day_ , he thought wryly.

“Allen? Oh, good, I don’t have to look for you.”

Allen stopped in his tracks. He didn’t want to be involved in this. They’d already tried to get him dressed up in girl clothing once. It had not ended well for any of them—or for Amanda’s wardrobe. The worst part had been Lenalee’s enthusiastic presence.

“Road, I need your help,” Amanda said, coming up beside the two of them. “I had the most disturbing dream last night, and I was hoping you could help me interpret it or something.”

Road looked distinctly uncomfortable. “That’s not really my area of expertise,” she said awkwardly, obviously not wanting to refuse but unable to actually help.

“Well, it wasn’t so much disturbing as… weird as hell,” Amanda amended. Road’s expression became questioning.

“Maybe I saw it last night?” She said. Allen had no clue what she was talking about. “So tell me, and maybe I can help?”

“Okay, so last night, I dreamt that I was eating Allen.”

Allen’s jaw dropped, and he blanched. “ _What?_ ” He spluttered, incredulous.

“Yeah—see, that’s why I wanted you here. Anyway, this wasn’t just like _nom, nom, nom_ eating or _eating_ eating—if you catch my drift—”

Allen turned green. He didn’t like where this was going.

“—But full-on, Hannibal Lector, knife and fork in hand, sawing through Allen’s skin like a steak eating. And he was _laughing_ and saying, ‘hey, Amanda, stop that, that tickles!’” Amanda stopped abruptly, seemingly unable to continue. She looked down almost hopelessly. “Can you help me?”

Road looked dumbfounded, and Allen was sure that if he saw himself, he’d be mirroring her expression exactly. “Er…” She started eloquently. “Maybe you have cannibalistic tendencies?” She asked. “Or—or maybe you… respect him? So you were eating him… for his knowledge?”

Amanda guffawed. “Psh, no way! Allen’s stupid!” She laughed, waving a dismissing hand.

“Well, maybe you respect the way he can eat like he’s got no stomach?” Road tried.

Amanda looked thoughtful. After a moment, she nodded. “That could be…” she agreed.

Allen resisted the urge to smack himself on the head and walked off, not wanting to hear the end of the conversation. Unfortunately, they followed him, so he heard it anyway.

“Oh, I meant to ask you, but I wanted my dream interpreted first—thanks so much, by the way—but what did you mean when you said ‘maybe I saw it last night?’” Amanda asked conversationally, kicking a tiny pebble annoyingly across the cobblestones. Allen snapped his fingers, making it disappear. Amanda pouted audibly in disappointment.

“Exorcists have horrible dreams,” Road responded, sounding haunted. Allen turned around, walking backwards so he could face the two girls.

“What do you mean, though?” Amanda asked again.

“I’m Noah’s Dreams. At night, all the dreams of the people around me flit through my head, and I normally absorb the strongest dream. The thing is, yours are all horrible, so they all vie for attention, and I’m forced to watch them all. I dreamt about genocide last night. Do you know whose that might be?”

Amanda and Allen shared a look. “Lavi,” Amanda said, and Road nodded.

“I thought so,” she said miserably. Amanda placed a hand on her shoulder, and though Road still remained somewhat depressed, she seemed to liven up a bit.

\---

_November 8, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

“That better not be you following me, Rabbit!” Yuu shouted, keeping his fast pace. He heard a little rabbit-like whimper behind him and sighed. “I told you to stay!”

“But Yuuuu!” Lavi whined. ”I’m not a doooog!” Sighing again, Yuu turned around, grasping Mugen’s activated hilt for internal balance.

“I told you no, rabbit. I can’t concentrate on training when you’re there… _pining_ after me,” he growled.

“You know I’m there?” Either Lavi was an idiot, or he was faking. Judging by how his eye held genuine shock, Yuu figured it was the first, which wasn’t a comforting thought.

“ _Che._ Just go bother _Moyashi._ ”

“But Yuu, you’re really hot when—”

Drawing his blade, he took a swipe at the redheaded rabbit. “What was that?” He asked, pointing the tip of the blade right under Lavi’s chin. It poked lightly at the other man’s Adam’s Apple, not quite breaking skin.

“Nothing, I’ll go,” Lavi said in a high-pitched voice, raising his hands in a sign of defeat.

“ _Che,_ ” Yuu said, turning around and sheathing his Innocence.

He heard Lavi shuffle away morosely, and he scoffed once more. He walked in silence through the rest of the crowd, glaring at the passersby, intimidating them just as he had in the past. It was an enjoyable pastime, really, and Yuu liked it. Something about people quaking in their boots just from a well-placed glare made him feel… powerful wasn’t the word he was looking for, but it would have to suffice, since that was definitely a factor.

He sighed as he took off his Exorcist jacket and wrapped his chest as he always did. Originally, it had been to hide the Lotus mark, but now it had the added benefit of covering most of his scars. He didn’t like the idea of training new techniques when he couldn’t move well. He only trained in his Exorcist jacket once he had mastered everything enough to do it in his sleep. Sometimes, back in the past, he had. His tired brain would take him through each step of the swings he practiced, and when he awoke, he found he was quite rested.

Yuu worked himself into a meditative state of mind as he warmed up his lazy muscles. By the time he started working with his sword, which was heavier right now to allow ease of movement later, he was already so far gone in his trance that he didn’t hear the Little Fucker walk in.

He did, however, feel the strange wind on his neck from the Little Fucker’s wings. Startled, he dropped his sword, lost his balance, and caught himself in a forward roll so as not to break his arms. His back would be bruised for all of five seconds—or however long the Lotus was taking these days—but it was worth avoiding worse injury.

“Get the fuck out of here!” He yelled, picking up his sword and brandishing it at her. She flew out of reach, and Yuu glared up at her form, contemplating activating his Fourth Illusion so he could throw it at her. Logically, he knew he could throw his sword as it was, but it was more satisfying to throw the double-bladed spear. It made better sounds when it impacted its target. Less _shing_ , more _squelch._

But then he remembered he wasn’t allowed to kill Exorcists. Growling in something that came out more like a frustrated sigh, Yuu allowed Mugen to deactivate and went over to the shelf of weights in the other corner. He tossed one at her, though it missed.

“That was mean!” She shouted, but he ignored it as he began doing sit ups. Eventually, she left, and when she did, he went back to his swordplay.

Walking up the stairs several hours later, sweaty but satisfied, he didn’t notice her lurking.

“KANDAAAA!” She yelled, smacking into him. He lost his balance and fell backward. It took him only a moment to realize that he was still only at the top of the stairs. With a thrill of dread, he felt himself fall. He felt his back hit something, and then star-seeing pain erupted from his skull. And then he was on the ground, and the Little Fucker was screaming, and all he could do was close his eyes because he was suddenly so very, very _tired_ …

\---

_November 8, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark_

Lavi felt distinctly unloved. He hadn’t known that Yuu knew he was there. And he did not _pine_ , dammit! He just looked at the body of his lover as he ran through sword drills and did many laborious exercises. He loved the way the sweat ran down Yuu’s body and the way that he was always so concentrated. Simply put, it was gorgeous, especially when he didn’t notice his hair tie coming out, and his hair flew out everywhere, surrounding his straining form like a sensuous, black waterfall. And then he’d make a buttery grunt that would make Lavi melt like ice cream on a hot day, and he would be in Heaven. He _loved_ watching Yuu train.

But Yuu hated it. Lavi frowned, pouting. It was not like Yuu even needed to train anyway. They were all stuck in Headquarters until the Akuma returned or they finally got the Earl’s whereabouts. Lavi had never felt useless as an Exorcist, but he figured there was a first time for everything, and he loved trying out first things. Like that time two years before the final battle when he had dyed his hair black, just for the fun of it. Bookman had nearly killed him, but it had been almost insanely fun. Until Bookman had shaved his head. Yuu had laughed at him—well, it was more like the tiniest little snicker and a small upturn to his lips, but that had equated to the same thing back in the day.

Lavi sighed, coming to a halt. Apparently, he was missing some time. He hadn’t noticed before, but now that he thought of it, his memory was very sketchy during the final year, and it disappeared completely around September. He had confessed this to Yuu, who had not looked surprised, and Lavi wanted to shake him or kiss him or do anything until he told Lavi why he had reacted that way.

He found Allen and Lenalee sitting in the Main Plaza of the Ark, holding hands and looking peaceful. The stigmata they now wore permanently on their foreheads glowed in the late evening sun. Lavi sat next to them and took a nap. Allen and Lenalee weren’t far behind him.

It was his cell phone that woke them all up. Flipping it open, Lavi grunted, mumbling a slurred, “hello?”

“Lavi, get your ass to the hospital!” Darcy’s voice was urgent, but in his sleeping state, he didn’t register it.

“G’way,” he murmured incoherently.

“Kanda fell down the stairs,” Darcy said, and Lavi’s mind snapped awake.

“What?” He shouted, dropping the phone and sprinting desperately down the maze of alleyways until he reached the entrance to the Science Department. As he ran up the three flights of stairs to the hospital wing, he realized he could have just woken Allen and had him open a portal, but his heart was racing too fast, and he was so scared, and—

And Yuu was awake, looking extremely bored and somewhat angry, restrained to the bed. Lavi ran over to his lover, he of the droopy eyes and heavily bandaged head, and gently wrapped his arms around him.

“Thank God you’re okay,” Lavi breathed, horrified by how corny he sounded but not quite bringing himself to care. Yuu blinked at him, and Lavi noted that his eyes were slightly too dilated. Immediately, concern washed through his body.

“Shut up, rabbit. I woulda been fine ’f tha’ Li’l Fucker ’adn’t _pushed me down the stairs!_ ” He shot a menacing glare at the curtained-off bed next to him. He flinched, but Lavi’s attention was soon taken from it as he heard a little squeak from inside.

“Sorry!” The girl who had bitten Yuu squealed. Biting down on his fury, Lavi resisted the urge to go over and bash the girl’s brain in—she had probably _not_ meant to almost kill his sun—and searched Yuu for other signs of injury.

“I’ss jus’ my head, _Baka,_ ” Yuu slurred.

“How bad?” Lavi asked, afraid to know the answer and yet needing to at the same time.

“’M already healed,” Yuu grunted. “I’ve been ’ere fer five hours. Where…?” His voice trailed off, and he blinked, swaying a little. “Where were you?” He finished, sounding a bit drowsy.

Lavi’s eyes widened. “Five hours?” He asked and saw Yuu flinch at the sudden, loud noise. “I only just got a call! I’m gonna _kill_ Darcy!” He made to run back, but Yuu caught his wrist, which had been close to the restraints.

“Whatever,” he said, looking away, the tiniest hints of a blush high on his cheeks. “They won’ lemme leave, though,” he added after a moment.

“Well, I’ll keep ya company until they do, _ne?_ ” Lavi suggested. “Just lemme go grab a book.”

Yuu nodded, and Lavi made to leave the room, stopping in the doorframe and turning back to his lover. “You never answered my question,” he said.

Yuu looked away again. “It wasn’t… that bad,” he said. Lavi narrowed his eye.

“Yes, it was. Look me straight in the face and tell me how bad you were injured.” He tapped his foot as Yuu looked over and sighed.

“Jus’ a c’ncushun,” he murmured. Lavi’s eye narrowed further.

“How bad?” He asked again.

“Not bad’r I would’nta…” his eyes fell closed, and Lavi stepped forward to slap him awake. A nurse walked in.

“Kanda!” She said, sounding alarmed. She rubbed her knuckles into Yuu’s chest, rousing the man. He glared angrily at her. “Oh,” she said, noticing Lavi. “Are you here visiting him?”

Lavi nodded. The nurse clucked.

“Sorry, visiting hours just finished, so you’ll have to leave for the day.”

Lavi turned and stormed from the room. He grabbed the latest volume of Bookman’s logs—number twelve—and returned to the hospital ward, Innocence ablaze.

“You will let me visit him!” He ordered, and the nurse nodded, pulling up a chair for him. He sat down, not caring about how uncomfortable the chair was. “Yuu,” he said to the delirious man as he opened the large tome to the middle, where they had last left off. “You are an idiot. You’re not healed at all.”

Yuu nodded gingerly in agreement. “I can’t be,” he said, and Lavi noted that his slurring was already getting somewhat better. “There’s two of you.” He abruptly began to cry, looking angry that the tears were flowing at all.

Allen walked into the room, and Yuu looked at him, tears stopping just as suddenly as he started to laugh. “Haha, there are three _Moyashis_ ,” he cackled. “Imagine if they were all choking on pretzels.” Lenalee walked in, and Yuu sobered once more, tears falling from his eyes yet again. Lavi shook his head, not knowing whether to be amused or worried.

He decided on worriedly amused. Pulling the chair up to Yuu’s still restrained hands, he intertwined their fingers and read through a few entries. Yuu was silent, and every few seconds, Lavi ended up distracting himself by checking on his lover’s condition. Putting the book down as a bad job, he looked up at Yuu once more.

Groaning, Yuu fought lightly against the restraints. “My head hurts,” he said, his words the clearest they’d been all night.

Lavi brought a hand up and gently ran it through Yuu’s hair, careful to avoid the tangles from his fall. Yuu leaned into the touch just slightly, and his face relaxed in a way that would never have happened had he not been severely concussed. He moaned lightly, and Lavi kept up the soft strokes until Yuu was nearly in a trance. Lavi was no longer worried that his lover would fall asleep. He seemed healed enough to be in the safe zone. Leaning forward, Lavi tenderly pressed his lips to Yuu’s, letting them linger for a moment before pulling back. A deep coil of passion settled in his stomach, but he ignored it. Yuu didn’t need that right now.

Yuu sighed and leaned forward, but Lavi continued moving back, leaving his hand in Yuu’s hair nonetheless.

“You’re delirious, Yuu-chan,” he said softly, carding his hands through Yuu’s hair again.

“I’m not,” he grunted, and Lavi smiled. “There aren’t two of you anymore,” he insisted.

“Well, unfortunately, unlike in _Tristan_ where they can have sex to cure themselves from their wounds, you need actual rest, so I refuse to let you seduce me. Especially since I know you don’t like bondage.” He gazed down at Yuu’s restraints, and the other man strained against them again. Lightly, almost tenderly, he removed them from Yuu’s wrists. The look of unadulterated thanks was all Lavi needed to know that he had made the right decision. “Let’s go back to the room,” he whispered.

Yuu nodded, wincing a bit, and stood up unsteadily. He tilted to one side, though Lavi caught him before he fell. “Baby steps, Yuu,” he chided. Yuu punched him in the gut. He was obviously healing, because it _hurt_.

“Wait—my book,” Lavi said abruptly, and he let Yuu go (he swayed unsteadily) and grabbed it quickly, grasping Yuu again before he fell. “Come on—you’re fine now.”

Indeed, Yuu’s pupils were no longer overly dilated, and the longer they walked, the steadier his steps became. They walked back to the room, stopping only in the bathroom so that Lavi could gently rinse the blood from Yuu’s hair.

As they sat on the bed, Lavi opened the volume again. Yuu wrapped an arm around him—at which Lavi’s heart glowed—and pulled him closer. Flipping to the page, Lavi suddenly felt himself leaving reality.

Voice stood in front of him. _I can’t let you read that entry—not without you knowin'. Ask Yuu ta tell you about when you were gone. If you still wanna read it, I’ll have ta juxtapose myself completely._

Lavi nodded in understanding and turned to Yuu, who was looking confused.

“What happened during the time I can’t remember?” He asked.

Yuu sighed and began almost reluctantly to explain, “You left in September. We all knew something was wrong, because for weeks, Bookman had kept both of you locked in your room, but none us had any idea why. The day you left, you were crying, and as Bookman pulled you out of the front gate, you looked at me and your face shut down. You were gone for six months, and when you came back, you weren’t Lavi anymore. You didn’t remember anyone, not Allen, not Lenalee, not… me.”

Yuu clammed up, and Lavi squeezed his hand in an invitation to go on. After a long silence, Yuu continued, “We received a letter from Bookman a few weeks before you returned, saying that you had ‘ _amnesia_ ’ from ‘traumatic injury.’ We knew it was a lie as soon as we saw you. Even when you first came to the Order at sixteen, you had this light in your eye. It was annoying, and I hated it, but it was there. When you came back, your eye was flat, almost glazed over. Lenalee came over and hugged you; you flinched back and asked her who she was. She cried that night, you know.”

“I always end up making her cry,” Lavi said lightly, jokingly, though the topic didn’t call for it. “Go on.”

“You shouldn’t be laughing. There was something _wrong_ with you. We all knew you were acting, because you simply weren’t _Lavi_ anymore. You… when you were in a conversation, you acted almost exactly as you had before you left, but when left to your own devices, you just sat there. Completely still. Unmoving and staring into space. It worried everyone—it worried _me_.” Yuu looked away for a while, probably out of embarrassment for speaking like he cared. Which Lavi knew he did, however reluctantly.

“You called me Kanda,” Yuu said offhandedly, but Lavi heard the raw pain underneath it.

“Really?” Lavi asked. Yuu nodded, and Lavi hugged him tightly. Yuu tensed at the contact, but he relaxed into it a moment later. “How did I… regain my memories?”

“It happened really slowly. You—you started being yourself again, if only for a few moments. Bookman still thought you were ‘well’ enough to go on a mission alone, so you, Allen, Lenalee, Miranda, and I went to Serbia to look for Innocence. I sneezed while eating my soba, and it went up my nose, and all of a sudden, you started screaming, screaming like your head was about to fall off. You started flailing and thrashing, and you injured yourself pretty good, but I finally managed to enlist the others to… help me drag you back to your tent. After a few hours, you looked at me and told me to go outside.”

“Did you?”

“You called me Yuu-chan.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“You started screaming again the second I was out, and after a while, you lost your voice. I could still hear you thrashing the entire time, though. Early in the morning, you stopped screaming, and when you came out, you hugged me, said ‘thank you, Yuu-chan’ in your stupid, annoying voice, and went off and had breakfast with _Moyashi_ and Lenalee as if nothing had happened.”

Lavi gaped. “So it was like a fugue state for me, then?”

Yuu nodded.

“The thing is, I didn’t even think about it,” Lavi said. “It seemed perfectly natural, like nothing had gone wrong. I… Yuu, I think I need to ask Voice to make me remember.”

Yuu looked at him questioningly.

“Voice said that after this, he’ll be gone, that we’ll be one person again,” Lavi explained. Yuu nodded thoughtfully and gestured to the twelfth tome.

With trepidation, Lavi opened it. This volume, he noted, was thicker than the rest, and unlike the others, its script was far denser. He looked nervously over at Yuu, who nodded and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. Shaking, Lavi looked down and began to read the fifty-third entry aloud, translating the compact Chinese characters with ease.

-

_8/10/1887_

_Liam has been showing concerning behavior of late. Today, he walked into the room humming (he has no musical talent, despite having Irish origins). When questioned, he admitted he was ‘looking forward to—nothing, I’m not looking forward to anything.’ For an actor, he is a horrible liar. I followed him to the party the Exorcists seemed to want to give him for his birthday. I noticed something there, though. There was a grateful, thanking look on his face when they all wished him well for another year. Their gifts were all simple, trivial. Earmuffs, a new eye patch, none of them really seemed to matter to him except the one from Kanda Yuu. I have mentioned earlier that I have long been afraid Liam would grow an attachment to this one. He is homosexual—destroying all interest in girls—but there has always been something captivating to him about this Japanese Exorcist. Perhaps he finds the mystery of this man endearing, but whatever the case, Liam is far too close to him, although he always denies it when I bring it up._

_He hugged Kanda Yuu, and I know from years of experience that there was emotion behind it. This was distressing to me, but not so much as Liam breaking down in tears as he pulled back. I cannot say I understand it, but when he got back, he was sobbing._

_“Bookman,” he told me, “I have become attached.” I looked at him for a good while and then sighed._

_“It is Kanda Yuu, is it not?” I asked. Liam nodded. He looked up at me, tears running down his face in a way that was very, very real._

_“I… Bookman, I know I’m not supposed to, but I—I love him.” The confession sounded to me like he had only just realized it as he spoke it to me. He sounded very guilty, but the fact is that he had emotions in the first place, and that is unacceptable._

_I immediately told him he must forget—I am too old to find another apprentice, and without Liam, it would be pointless anyway. The boy has perceptive abilities far beyond even my own, even without his right eye. I still regret its loss. Liam would probably be one of the best Bookmen if it hadn’t been blinded by shrapnel._

_Liam looked horrified, of course. For the first time since I met him, he actively defied me, running from the room and saying that he could never forget—not this one._

_I disagree, personally. Liam is too important to lose. I have decided to lock him in our room. He must agree to forget, as he must become a Bookman. It is the path he chose, and he promised never to stray from it. I will ensure he does not, even if he must forget ever having feelings. Perhaps it will be good for him. He has shown signs of growing attachment to more than one of the Exorcists—Allen Walker and Lenalee Lee being the two foremost in that category—since the events in Edo with the Ark. With his attachments severed again, he will be able to become a strong Bookman, and I must believe in that or it is not only Liam who will fail._

-

Lavi switched his gaze to the next entry, holding tears back. He didn’t remember any of this, but he couldn’t deny that it must be true. He had to see how it came to be that he forgot. He _had_ to. It was an all-encompassing need, and he could not deny it.

-

_9/3/1887_

_Liam has finally agreed to come. It will be hard to convince him not to care again, especially to convince him that the feeling is not mutual. I know Kanda Yuu does not care for him in that way, so perhaps this is for the best—_

Yuu scoffed. “I did, not that I realized it,” he said simply, and Lavi continued to read.

_—As there would never be anything between them. A hormonal teenager is one thing, but a lovesick teenager is nearly impossible to be around. Bookmen cannot have those emotions. It is for the best that Liam’s memories are repressed._

-

Lavi hadn’t quite finished with the entry, but he felt Voice’s presence in his head again. He was angry, and Lavi had the sneaking suspicion it was at Bookman, but when Voice spoke, his tone was calm, almost caring.

_You know my name, who I am,_ Voice said. It was not a question; it was a statement. Lavi gave a mental nod.

_You’re me—not_ me _me, but me. You’re Liam, aren’t you?_ Lavi asked, for once not entirely sure of his answer.

It was Voice’s turn to give a mental nod. _I think you should finally remember now—I need you ta know. When you come out, we will be one and the same again. This will be painful for you and me both. My emotions are dark and angst-ridden. These memories will tear at your mind, tryin' ta destroy it, but I think it needs ta be done now. Lavi, are you sure you want ta remember? I can hold on for a while if you’re not._

Lavi shook his head, not sure if it was done mentally or not, and answered. _I’m positive_ , he said. _Show me what I’m missing._

Voice braced himself. Lavi did the same. Abruptly, the redhead felt the Bookman corner of his brain split open, spilling its contents into his head, driving an agonized scream from his throat. It ripped out into the world, mirroring the memories that tore and stabbed at his very sanity, overpowering even his sun like a cloud of locusts looking for prey.


	26. A Moment Lost

Chapter 24—A Moment Lost

__November 8, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch

It was happening again—that horrible, gut-wrenching scream that Lavi let out when his mind was breaking down, the scream he had used that awful night in the tent, the scream Yuu had hoped he’d never have to hear again. They’d been in the middle of reading Bookman’s heartless logs about Lavi when the redhead had just… frozen. Then he shook his head, and a moment later, he was screaming, howling as if he was being torn apart. He brought his Innocence-ridden hands to his head and held it in a vice-like grip as he raised his eye to the heavens, screeching.

Lenalee ran in, and Yuu implored her—he did not beg—with his eyes to get a doctor. She seemed to understand, returning with the health professional just minutes later.

“What’s going on?” The doctor asked over Lavi’s persistent yells.

“I think he’s remembering things,” Yuu said gravely. He looked over at Lenalee, who was crying silently.

“I didn’t think he was ever going—” Lenalee started tearfully. Yuu nodded in understanding.

“We need to restrain him,” the doctor interrupted. He walked to Lavi’s side and began to pin the redhead down to the bed. Something annoying twitched in Yuu’s heart, but he didn’t know what it was because he was… worried… about Lavi.

Lavi just thrashed harder against the grip, and the physician sighed. “We need to get him to the hospital. I want to take a brain scan, see exactly what is going on.” A moment later Lenalee was one her phone, calling Allen. Another moment later a portal to the hospital was opened.

Despite his annoyance at the white-haired Bean Sprout, Yuu had to admit that he could _sometimes_ be useful. Picking Lavi up bodily he stepped through the door trying to avoid the fists that attempted to rain down on his head.

Within minutes they had Lavi restrained and inside a strange looking machine. The doctor stared down at the computer screen, a contemplative frown on his face and his brow furrowed.

“Hmmm…” he muttered, stroking his chin.

“What is it?” Yuu growled, glaring at the man. He needed answers. Now.

“I’ve never seen so much activity in the anterior frontal lobe. In particular, it seems to be in the prefrontal cortex,” the doctor replied in an awed voice.

“That does shit for me,” Yuu hissed, resisting the urge to activate Mugen to slice the man through. Even though his screams had died down for the moment, Lavi still needed the doctor. Unfortunately.

“Well, if it’s true what you were saying about remembering things, this makes sense. This region of the brain—the anterior frontal lobe—stores memory, personality, things like that.” The doctor went back to poring over the computer screen, and Yuu left to go back to Lavi’s side.

He was surprised to find Lavi’s one good eye open, glazed over as if still in the clutches of the memories, but somewhat aware.

“Lavi?” He asked, not meaning to voice his concern.

“Where are you?” The redhead asked, voice raw and cracking from overuse. Yuu picked up his pace until he was at Lavi’s side. The other man’s one-eyed gaze didn’t follow him, and when he repeated his earlier statement in a softer, hurt voice, Yuu understood that Lavi was no more awake than he had been ten minutes ago.

“I’m right here, you idiot,” Yuu replied softly, reluctantly taking Lavi’s restrained hand in his. No one was around, not even the crazy doctor, so it was okay to show that he cared. He thought he needed to add something to his comment, something that told the rabbit how he felt, but as usual, the words were stuck in his brain, unmovable and constant.

Lavi’s eye closed as the doctor walked back in. “I think we’ll have to wait it out. If he’s unconscious for a few more hours, we’ll hook him up to an IV, and if he’s still out in the morning, I think we should start to be concerned.

Naturally, it was necessary that they become concerned. Though he had stopped screaming, Lavi twitched and struggled against his bonds, completely unconscious, for the next day and a half.

He awoke on the morning of the tenth, looking very much the worse for wear.

“Yuu?” He called out, and Yuu was right there—he hadn’t left the stupid rabbit’s side.

\---

_October 29, 1887—Russia_

It was very, very hard to forget, Lavi decided as Bookman paced in front of him again. He followed the old man with his eye, simply because he didn’t have anything else to do.

“What have I told you, Lavi?” Bookman said, shaking his head as if the entire endeavor was hopeless. It seemed to be, Lavi thought, as he didn’t want to forget. He’d told Bookman as much, but the old panda hadn’t believed him.

Lavi rolled his eyes. “’No one loves me, I love no one,’ same as every other time you’ve asked me. Look Bookman, I’ve told you, this isn’t gonna work, so just let me go—”

Bookman’s black-ringed eyes flashed. “He will _never_ love you back,” he said in a dangerously low voice.

Lavi sighed and tried not to let the hurt show. “I know that, but I can’t help it if I—”

“Do you hear me, Lavi? He will _never love you_. He will only hurt you, and then you’ll come running back to me, an emotional mess. It is better to forgo the whole experience and simply forget. Haven’t I always known what’s best for you?”

Bookman had pulled that card before, and Lavi could never deny it. He’d always known just what made Lavi work harder, what made him more determined. Bookman had proved time and again that he would point Lavi on the proper path, and he’d always striven to keep his apprentice on it.

“How do you know, though?” Lavi questioned. It hadn’t been the first time he’d asked, nor, apparently, would it be the last.

Bookman glared at him. “Because you are incapable of loving him, and he _knows_ it,” he replied icily.

“But I _do_ love him!” Lavi insisted. “I didn’t realize it before, but whenever we come back from a battle—ever since the Ark—I’ve always been really glad he’s alive. I always want to see him, and when I do, it only seems natural for me to want to hug him, to touch him. I want to know what his opinion is, how he’s doing, what he will be doing. I love to watch him train. He seems most relaxed and at peace then, as if he’s meditating there, too. I—”

“I understand what you think you’re feeling. You believe that just because your body reacts physically, there must be an emotional attachment as well,” Bookman explained.

Lavi glared at him, putting his full ire into his one good eye. “That’s not it, and you know it,” he said quietly, bringing Bookman’s pacing to a halt.

“Perhaps we should try something different, since I seem to be failing to convince you this way,” Bookman said finally.

Lavi nodded. “Perhaps we should, but it won’t matter—I’ll never be able to give this up. You can’t sever such a strong attachment, Bookman. Maybe the tiny ones to Allen and Lenalee and Kuro-chan and Miranda, but never Yuu, _never_ Yuu.”

“We’ll just see,” Bookman said quietly, and a shiver ran up Lavi’s spine. He held onto his attachment dearly; he didn’t want to lose it.

\---

_December 17, 1887—Algeria_

“Good morning, Lavi,” Bookman said, walking out into the tiny dining room of the inn. Lavi nodded blankly, not particularly caring about the man who had walked in. But then, he didn’t care about much these days. Except Yuu—he cared very deeply about Yuu, even if he couldn’t quite remember who Yuu was. He cared, maybe even loved, this Yuu person, and something in his brain told him never to forget it.

“Lavi?” Bookman asked. Lavi grunted in acknowledgment of the tiny man’s presence. “How are you this morning?”

“My body feels especially healthy today,” Lavi commented. It was a lie, of course. Every time he thought of Yuu, his stomach churned a bit, his thoughts roiled, and he felt a bit nauseous. It wasn’t a bad feeling, though, even if his heart took this opportunity to begin to ache that strange ache it felt every time Bookman was around.

“You are lying to me, Lavi. You seem to be very bad at acting today—perhaps we should work on that?”

“I don’t feel like it, Bookman,” Lavi said, his voice even and uncaring as it always was now.

“Did you do your logs last night?”

Lavi thought back. It was very hard to remember lately. “No,” he finally replied, “I didn’t feel like it.”

Bookman sighed exasperatedly. “You know no one loves you, right?”

_There._ There was that heart aching thing. “Of course, why would they?” Lavi responded. He’d learned a few weeks ago that that was the best way to respond. He didn’t care if people didn’t love him. He was undesirable and could not care for them. He knew there were people he could care for, though. Yuu was one of them, right? And there was another. It was a girl, right? Started with an L. Lena… something. It ended with a vowel, he knew, and there was one more syllable, but he could not for the life of him remember. And there was something very white that he liked, too. White, and it reminded him of… _bean sprouts_ for some reason. Whenever he heard someone apologize, a flash of someone’s tired brown eyes passed through him, but the image was soon lost. And teeth seemed to be significant, too. He knew he could love them all, especially Yuu, but Bookman didn’t like it when he responded like that.

“And who do you love, Lavi?” Bookman asked.

“No one,” Lavi replied, but he was lying again. He loved Yuu, right? He cared very deeply for this Yuu person, and he was pretty sure that included love. Right?

“You know, you look a bit sore this morning. Did you not sleep well?”

Lavi shook his head. He always had nightmares these days, nightmares about deep, dark brown eyes scowling at him accusingly, nightmares about rogue blades chopping through his body as the eyes gazed ever-angrily on, nightmares about rabbit stew with Japanese that he couldn’t understand, even though he could speak it fluently. He didn’t understand these dreams, but they hurt him and kept him awake.

He thought that perhaps he was forgetting something very important, but he couldn’t remember what. Which was the point, he supposed. Bookman was always telling him to forget these days, even though Bookmen were always supposed to _remember_.

“Maybe you’d like some acupuncture to help loosen your muscles?” Bookman suggested. “It will probably help with your logs, too, don’t you think?”

Lavi nodded. He always liked Bookman’s acupuncture techniques. They worked wonders on his back, and he always felt at peace while Bookman calmly and deftly slid needles through his skin and into his pressure points.

Spreading him out on the small, lumpy bed, Bookman sterilized his needles and began pushing them into Lavi’s body like he was a pincushion. Lavi felt himself begin to relax. His mind began to wander as it always did when under Bookman’s needle. He barely heard Bookman’s voice as he began the usual litany. Lavi tried to tune it out, but it was still there, hovering over his mind, descending on him like a forgetful blanket.

“No one loves you,” it repeated. Lavi tried to nod. This was true, after all.

“You love no one,” it continued. Lavi couldn’t quite make his head shake. That wasn’t true, it couldn’t be, didn’t he love people?

“No one loves you.” No. No one did.

“You love no one.” But… but… what about… the most important person? There was a most important person, right? Didn’t he have one? Didn’t he love someone? Wasn’t that why this was happening?

“No one loves you.” That was right.

“You love no one.” No! No! That couldn’t be, could it?

“No one loves you.” Yes, he got that already.

“You love no one.” That was true, too.

\---

_February 12, 1888—Portugal_

The eggs tasted like ash in his mouth, though he couldn’t understand why. Taking a bite of sausage instead, he found the same problem. Lavi sighed. Nothing had flavor anymore, like he’d forgotten it. He was forgetting a lot of things recently, and when he’d asked Bookman, the old man had said he had had to forget something again. Lavi didn’t know what it was, but he trusted Bookman enough to know that it must have been something horrible. Anything Bookman voluntarily let him forget must have been scarring enough to tear Lavi apart. He hadn’t asked beyond that.

Buttering a piece of toast—butter was the only thing that seemed to have flavor these days—he watched as his Master walked into the dining room of their latest accommodations. He sat down gingerly. Lavi pretended not to see his Master’s signs of aging and continued biting into his cardboard and butter.

“We are returning to the Order in a week,” he told Lavi. The redhead sent him a questioning look. “You do remember the Order, right?” Bookman asked after a moment.

Lavi nodded. “It’s where I got the Innocence—we’ve been there before, right? But we had to leave for… something. I’m sorry, Bookman, I know I should, but I can’t remember.”

The old man nodded gravely. “That is as it should be. Do not berate yourself for this memory loss. It was needed, so don’t try to remember. It will only bring pain.”

Shrugging, Lavi returned to his stale-tasting bread with its delicious topping. “Whatever you say,” he said.

A week later, they were back at the Order, and though Lavi didn’t recognize any of them, there was a large group of people waiting for them at the entrance. There was a girl with mid-back length hair, a boy who looked far older than his years due to his snow white hair, a boy of about his age with long, black hair, a woman with dark hair and brown eyes, a man with vampire-esque fangs, and many more. Lavi gazed at them in confusion. Did everyone get such a welcome?

“Lavi!” The girl with mid-back length hair called out, sounding relieved. She ran up and threw her arms around his waist. Blinking, Lavi looked down at the girl burrowing into his chest.

“Er, I’m sorry, but who are you?” He asked blankly. He didn’t know how to deal with this situation. The girl froze and looked up, tears falling from her strangely purple eyes.

“Lavi? You don’t… remember me?” She asked, sounding worried. “I mean, _Gege_ told us that Bookman said you had amnesia, but… Lavi, that doesn’t make sense. You should… you really don’t remember me?”

Lavi laughed in his head. Did this girl think he was her boyfriend or something? Thinking back, he still couldn’t remember her, not even from his previous trip to the Order. She seemed rather young. Perhaps she thought them best friends after viewing each other once? It was plausible. It had happened to him in previous logs. Number thirty-seven had been particularly bogged down by a girl. It had been annoying, to say the least.

Pushing her back gently, he looked her in the eye. “I haven’t the foggiest idea who you are.”

Bookman cleared his throat, and Lavi caught himself slipping from his current persona. Forty-nine, Lavi, fun and frivolous.

“I’d love to stay and chat, but Master and I need to talk with the Branch Head. Do you know where he is?”

“ _Gege_ ’s in his office. Er, come with me?” The girl asked, looking at him as if he had two heads. Lavi nodded, smiling widely at the request.

Lavi passed the group of people, meeting each of their gazes, memorizing them. He caught the eye of the Japanese boy with long, black hair, and a fleeting sensation of lips on his passed over him. Shaking his head, Lavi wondered vaguely why he had a sudden craving for eggs. Shrugging, he continued after the Asian girl, memorizing the route that he would surely need to take many times in the future.

\---

_February 20, 1888—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

“You’re putting butter on your _eggs_?” The boy with long hair asked, sounding disgusted.

“It’s the only thing I can taste,” Lavi said, shrugging. “So what’s your name?”

The boy dropped his chopsticks. Looking up from his bowl of soba noodles, he stared at Lavi in the same manner as the girl, Lenalee, had. “Kanda Yuu,” he finally said, and his voice reminded Lavi of the butter he was still melting on his breakfast.

“I’m Lavi,” he said. “It’s nice ta meetcha, Kanda.”

The boy stopped in the process of retrieving his chopsticks, dropping them to the ground again. “What did you call me?” He asked incredulously.

“You said your name was Kanda, right?” Lavi asked, smiling as he took his first bite. The other boy just stared in his hunched-over position. He was kind of cute, Lavi thought before throwing it into the back of his mind, where he would forget it. “So, how old are you?” He added through a mouthful.

The boy turned green and answered only with a simple “ _che._ ”

“Well, I’m sixteen. We look around the same age—you’re maybe a bit older?”

The boy dropped his chopsticks a third time. Scowling down at Lavi, he picked up his noodles and went off into another corner of the room. A minute later, Lavi saw him storm from the dining hall, seeming infuriated.

\---

_November 10, 2013—The Dark Order, Hospital Wing_

Lavi woke up crying. “Yuu?” He whispered, opening his solitary eye and twisting his head around to look for the Japanese man. Yuu leaned over to bring himself into the idiot rabbit’s line of vision. He undid the restraints quickly, and suddenly Lavi was grabbing him around the waist, pressing his head into Yuu’s stomach.

“ _Ra…bi?_ ” Yuu asked, too shocked to speak English.

“Yuu! I—I know why I forgot! I… fuck, Yuu, Bookman made me forget I _loved_ you!” Lavi sobbed.

Yuu sighed. “I… know,” he said softly. Lavi looked up, tears streaming down his face.

“Wha…?” He asked, sniffing. He grimaced and coughed, and despite the situation, Yuu suppressed a snicker. It was just like Lavi to choke on his own mucus.

“The day after you got back, we had breakfast together. You were sitting alone at my table, so I came and joined you—”

“But you never—”

“As I said, you were at my table. I didn’t feel like finding another one, and I had been… concerned about you. So I sat down. And you asked me who I was. I had been expecting that—you’d done the same to Lenalee the day before. When you said you were sixteen, though…” Yuu sighed and forced himself to continue. “I knew something was obviously wrong. Bookman would have told you your age, things that you needed to know, if you had amnesia. Honestly, the old fucker would probably have deserted you if you had forgotten everything.”

“Don’t call him a fucker,” Lavi said, though it sounded to Yuu as if he hadn’t meant it.

“I’ll fucking call him what I want. I confronted him, asked him what he did to you, and he replied you had amnesia. I told him to get the fuck off his high horse and tell me what he’d done, and he said you’d forgotten everything due to me. I asked him what the fuck he was talking about. He said you had an ‘attachment’ to me. Then he said to stay the fuck away, that I was _breaking_ you. I almost killed him,” Yuu finished, looking away from Lavi.

“You… cared, even back then?” Lavi sounded awed, as if he hadn’t realized it himself.

“Of course, you idiot! I just… couldn’t admit it to myself back then,” Yuu replied, still looking away. And damn himself, he was blushing.

“Can we leave?” Lavi asked in a small voice. Yuu looked back at him and gave him a ghost of a smile.

“ _Che._ About time.”

They walked to the cafeteria for a late lunch, chatting about everything except Lavi’s recovered memories. From the faraway look in his eye, Yuu knew that Lavi was thinking about it anyway. He would tell Yuu when he felt the need to. He didn’t need to pry. Lavi would come to him eventually, just as he always did.

Lavi got himself his usual toast and jam, and Yuu sat down with a chicken curry. He nearly spat out the first bite. It had too much ginger. Scowling, he went back to the service window to threaten the chef into making him something else. A few minutes later, he sat down with a large bowl of fried rice. It wasn’t his favorite, but it would suffice.

Only Lavi wasn’t next to him. Looking around, he saw Road giving him a very gentle hug. He immediately went for his weapon—an automatic reaction to seeing a Noah—but the girl pulled back.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, and when she turned around to take a seat on the bench, Yuu noticed she was crying. Her eyes widened when she saw him. “You need to know,” she said quietly and walked up.

“NO!” Lavi cried, running up to her and trying to pull her away.

She placed a hand on Yuu’s forehead, and despite his attempt to flinch back, it stayed firmly in place. His world disappeared and was replaced with something very… different. He had been in Road’s world before, but this was nothing like it. It was almost vibrant and very beautiful. The sky shone in through a pleasant, white-rimmed window, and all around, he could hear the annoying chirps of birds.

“You need to see what Lavi dreamt about last night,” said a voice emanating from the walls. Looking around with a scowl, Yuu felt his world melt again, only to be replaced with a little room at an inn. Lavi was on a bed with needles poking out from almost all of the pressure points in his back. Bookman was by his face. Then, abruptly, the sound appeared.

“No one loves you,” Bookman said. Yuu saw Lavi try to nod.

“You love no one,” Bookman intoned, sounding slightly more severe. Lavi twitched again. It looked like perhaps he was trying to shake his head but gave up on the motion.

“No one loves you,” Bookman repeated. Lavi deflated a little, but with his next breath, he seemed okay.

“You love no one.” Lavi started to shake.

Bookman repeated it one more time, and at the last line, Lavi deflated completely, going almost despondent. If he hadn’t been breathing so evenly, Yuu would have thought him dead.

A strong, fierce anger coursed through his veins. _This_ had been how he’d gotten Lavi to forget? Drawing his Innocence, he made to stab it through Bookman, but the image dissolved back into Road’s mind. A moment later, he was back in the real world, and to his horror, a tear was falling from his left eye.

They spent the rest of the day in Yuu’s room, leaving only for a late dinner. When they returned, they sat down on the bed, leaning against the still ruined headboard. Lavi put an arm around Yuu’s back and laid his head down on the older man’s shoulder. Without meaning to, he rested his head atop Lavi’s. Lavi grabbed his left hand with his free one, and _nuzzled_ into his neck. Yuu stilled.

“What are you doing, rabbit?” He asked.

“Snuggling,” Lavi said, leaning back and taking Yuu’s right arm, placing it around his shoulders before leaning in again.

“I don’t snuggle,” Yuu said, trying to pull his arm back, but Lavi kept it in place by pushing it against the headboard with his back.

“Not even cuddle?” Lavi asked pitifully. Yuu felt horrified.

“I do _not_ cuddle,” he replied, shuddering a little.

“Then what do you call this, Yuu? ‘Cause it looks like snugglin’ to me.” No, it did not.

“I am _embracing_ you,” Yuu insisted.

“I think you’re in denial,” Lavi said.

“I think you need a new brain.”

“So what if I do? Snuggle with me, dammit!” Lavi exclaimed, doing that nuzzling thing again and pulling himself closer. Yuu tried to push him away, though if he really thought about it, he didn’t actually want to.

“No! I refuse to snuggle!” He shouted. Lavi released Yuu’s hand in preference for wrapping it around his stomach.

“Please?” Lavi asked quietly. “For me?” He looked up imploringly in a pitiful way that Yuu couldn’t quite refuse.

“ _Che._ Fine, I’ll _embrace_ you.”

Lavi pouted, but Yuu couldn’t quite bring himself to care. He wondered why Lavi hadn’t brought up any of his memories yet. Normally, the rabbit never stopped talking about anything, and he often told Yuu far more than the Japanese man cared to know.

The memory Road had shown him worried him more than he could say. It was blatantly obvious that Lavi felt like he wasn’t loved. By anyone. Not Lenalee or Allen. Not Miranda, Lolek, Darcy or the Infernal girl. Not him. He wanted to tell Lavi, he really did, but the words still wouldn’t come. And that scared him.

\---

_November 23, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch_

The days flew by in a steady stream of nothingness. Cyrah had taken over the training of the soldiers, and Chu-chan had taken to helping the Science Department with Tamas. The rest of the Exorcists, however, had absolutely nothing to do. Kanda-kun had begun to train more, which made Lavi pout and walk somberly over to her and Allen. Allen himself seemed to be trying to get into better shape, and soon, Lenalee was on her own, too. Amanda spent her time with either Road or Darcy, sometimes both. The Chinese girl had taken to sitting in the Main Plaza of the Ark, watching people. Lavi usually sat beside her, and they usually made up little stories about each person. They changed from day to day, and they were all amusing. Lavi’s tales were usually either very insightful or increasingly ridiculous, but Lenalee loved them all.

They sat at one of the picnic tables set off in one of the corners, eating sandwiches they’d gotten from the kitchen. It was a rare day when Kanda-kun joined them. He glared at everyone passing by. However, when he looked at Lavi, his expression changed to something less surly, but the underlying anger was still there.

“Kanda-kun, what’s wrong?” She asked, concerned.

“The Little Fucker is in the training room,” he ground out, grabbing Mugen’s activated hilt and scowling at a soldier who had come slightly too close.

“You shouldn’t call people that,” Lenalee scolded.

“I don’t want to lose another half petal just because she wants to throw me down the stairs,” Kanda-kun said bitterly.

“You lost half of a petal?” She and Lavi exclaimed simultaneously. She was very worried now, Lavi slightly more than she was.

“How many do you have left?”Lenalee asked, this time on her own.

“Enough,” Kanda-kun said firmly, and Lenalee knew not to push it. Lavi on the other hand rose from his seated position at her side and walked over to the Japanese man.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The redhead asked his voice intense with betrayal. He stared deeply into Kanda-kun’s eyes.

Kanda-kun tilted his head away, scoffing. “What did you expect? You were having a mental breakdown, rabbit, and I didn’t want to… worry you.”

At that moment, Road walked up, looking sleepy and rubbing her eyes. She wore the pink, frilly negligee that matched Amanda’s and sported fuzzy, pink slippers.

“Hi, Road,” Lenalee chimed out. Kanda-kun looked relieved that the conversation had turned to a different target. Though, Lavi was still whispering furiously in his lover’s ear.

“Hey, Lenalee,” Road said sleepily, still rubbing her eyes. “I can’t even take a nap anymore. It’s like someone’s _always_ sleeping. Must be the Science Department, because I had this weird-ass dream about a failed chemistry experiment.”

Lenalee hummed sympathetically. “Yeah, I’ve had some weird ones myself. There was one the other night when—” she cut herself off, blushing. They didn’t need to know about that one. Or at least _Allen_ didn’t.

“I’ve probably seen it,” Road said, shooting her a knowing smile. “Hey, Lavi,” she added turning to the warring couple, “I’ve been wondering for a while, but are your dreams the ones about genocides, hangings, witch burnings, and—”

“Yeah, those are mine,” Lavi said quickly, interrupting her.

“How do you stand those?” Road asked, looking horrified. “They’re so… _detailed_.”

“That’s what every day’s like for me. I see everything, Road.”

Road turned a distinct shade of green.

“What do you dream about, Kanda-kun?” Lenalee asked. He’d never discussed his dreams before, even after he had opened up to them a bit more. That had been before Lavi had returned, though. He had seemed very… lonely during those months. Still, Lenalee could never remember a time when Kanda-kun had shared a dream. Lenalee herself did it often, as did Allen and Lavi. Miranda had a plethora of dream-tales, and they always laughed about them.

Kanda-kun brought his scowl to bear on her, and she flinched back when she realized it was actually genuine. “I refuse to take part in this conversation,” he hissed. A great, warm concern filled Lenalee’s heart. Did Kanda-kun only have bad dreams? She vaguely remembered Amanda saying that he’d screamed during the night, but she had assumed that had been from Lavi’s absence.

“Come on, Kanda, tell us,” Allen said, clapping his hands together in anticipation. He had only just arrived a few moments after Road, but he seemed to be enjoying this conversation, judging from his slightly dark smile. His dark side concerned Lenalee sometimes, but right now, it seemed he was just trying to egg Kanda-kun on.

The man in question stood up, still grasping a sheathed Mugen. “My dreams are irrelevant, ask someone else. I’m going to train.”

“Oh, come on, Kanda! Tell us!” Allen shouted after him, but Kanda-kun moved on.

“I wonder what he dreams about…” Lenalee said speculatively.

“You don’t want to know,” Lavi said quietly, sounding sickened.

But Lenalee did. Later, right before she went to sleep, she asked Road if she would be able to search for Kanda-kun’s dream.

“I can…” the girl hedged. “I think I can open a window to it in your mind, though I’m more connected to Allen than I am to you. I think it’s because Sebastian is in his head.”

Lenalee nodded slowly and then left to go to bed. She curled up with Allen at her side. She slept for a good while, but suddenly, she and Allen were standing in her head.

“Lenalee?” Allen asked, looking around at the room. It was splendorous and high-ceilinged. On each of the four walls were numerous pictures of all the people who made up her world. In a gilded silver frame that took up half a wall was her brother, and next to him in an equally silver frame was Lolek. Lolek was against the right side of the picture, seeming to try to push Komui over, lessening his space in Lenalee’s mind. Komui was pushing back just as hard, and they remained at a stalemate, unmoving.

Allen himself had an ornate, golden frame with lines of green and gold Innocence woven through it. He had a wall to himself, and his framed self had that carefree smile that she loved so much. Even his picture carried the light brush of stigmata. He was still cursed. But he still smiled and held his hands out almost lovingly at her. It was, by far, her favorite picture.

On the other two walls were the Exorcists and Science Department members that made up the rest of her world. Particularly large were the frames of Kanda-kun and Lavi. Those were right next to each other, almost encroaching on the other’s space, as if trying to merge into one frame. Miranda was on the wall adjacent to Lolek, and she looked smilingly at him. Amanda and Darcy were in one picture, and the ginger man had his arm around the crazy American girl. They both smiled as they laughed about some private joke. Artemis was also there, and she was smiling, too. It was as if those past few months hadn’t happened to her. She appeared healthy and beautiful, just as she had been before Strength had destroyed that.

“Wow, these are… wow…” Allen said, astonished. Lenalee walked up to his side and slipped her hand into his larger one. When had his hands become so warm and big? The picture modified itself slightly just then. The hands became just slightly broader.

“This is my world,” she told Allen softly, leaning lightly into his shoulder. He shifted, turning to face her, and pulled her into a gentle hug.

“Why am I so big?” He asked her quietly. Lenalee pulled back enough to look into his shining, silver eyes.

“You’re my favorite person,” she said almost coyly. Raising herself on tiptoe, she pressed her lips lightly to his in a very chaste kiss. Running to the door underneath Allen’s frame, she looked back and called, “I wanna see what your brain looks like—can we go?”

Looking stunned, Allen nodded. He walked in a shell-shocked way to the door, where he grabbed Lenalee’s hand again. Together, they stepped through the passage and into his mind.

It was desolate, almost. The street was a mangy, dirty alley, a dark parody of a corridor of Allen’s Ark. The doors, though, shone brightly and sweetly, lighting the alley and filling it with a peaceful happiness. The door shut behind them, and Lenalee looked back to see a picture of her and Allen on the door. It moved, which Lenalee found bizarre.

Picture-Allen had his arm around Picture-Lenalee and leaned over, kissing her forehead tenderly. Picture-Lenalee blushed but wound her arm around him nonetheless, looking happy and slightly embarrassed. A moment later, their picture-selves were hugging tightly, ignoring the world and the alley that surrounded them.

Lenalee once again turned to Allen, looking at him questioningly. “You’re my favorite, too,” he replied, shrugging nonchalantly. Lenalee felt her cheeks grow hot with a blush.

She took a look at the other doors, curious. The first one at the beginning of the alley was one of two shadow-like figures. With horror, Lenalee realized they must be his real parents. She noted that Allen was not in that picture. Looking to the next one, she saw Mana’s. Picture-Allen had his arms around the man’s waist, looking up at him with almost worshipful wonder. The man smiled down at him lovingly and ruffled his hair. In the background was a question mark. Lenalee wondered if that was Allen subconsciously questioning Mana’s true feelings for him. She’d known since he’d told her about the secret language that he’d been unsure about Mana’s affections. She didn’t let him know, but she thought Mana had loved him for who he was as well as for the memories he carried.

Lenalee moved down the alley, passing Kanda-kun’s (in which they were glaring at each other but had other selves in the background who were smiling) and Lavi’s (in which Lavi was in the foreground, smiling outrageously, and in the background, a much more serious Lavi and Picture-Allen looked on curiously), as well as the other Exorcists’. She quickly noted that, with the exception of the one with his real parents, Allen was in every frame in some form. Even Sebastian’s door—which Allen said he didn’t go into—had him in it. Picture-Allen was glaring at Sebastian as the latter played a white, upright piano, but Lenalee saw no animosity in it.

At the other end of the alley, Lenalee saw two doors. One had Allen’s right hand with a person-shape superimposed over it. On the other was Allen’s left hand and the shape of an Akuma overtop it. Next to that was a door to the Crowned Clown.

“That only opens when I activate or am requesting something from it,” Allen said when he saw where her gaze was aimed.

One of the doors emanated more light, so they walked back over to it.

“Ah, Road’s door,” Allen said as they looked through the now-transparent threshold. Inside was Road’s beautiful hall. On the floor of the hall, though, was a young-looking Kanda-kun.

Lenalee watched, horrified, as an older man stepped into view. He said something in Japanese, and though Lenalee couldn’t understand it, she didn’t like the tone. They conversed for a little bit, and then the man began to sing. At the end of the first line, he swung a hand back and hit Kanda-kun. It continued on, each slap, punch, and kick getting progressively worse as the song went on. Kanda-kun was huddled on the floor, even as the man pulled him up by his hair and punched his face, until a particularly bad kick to his back opened his position. The man finished the song with a kick to the ribs and then went off. Kanda-kun was left, shivering and whimpering in pain, on the ground. The image faded with Kanda-kun making a painful but triumphant expression.

Turning to Allen, Lenalee could do nothing but throw herself in his arms, holding back the tears she desperately wanted to cry. Now she understood why Kanda-kun never talked about these dreams. She just hoped he had pleasant ones, too.

\---

_November 24, 2013—Allen’s Ark_

They eventually felt themselves lift from their minds and back into reality. Lenalee was in the same position in Allen’s arms, and her eyes were just as wet as they’d been in the alley, staring into Road’s door.

“Was that…?” Lenalee asked.

“I think it was…” Allen agreed.

“His father?” Lenalee clarified. Allen nodded. Another tear slipped from Lenalee’s eye. Another followed it in the other one, and then she was crying again. “Poor Kanda-kun,” she whispered her voice thick with emotion.

“He won’t want pity, you know,” Allen said seriously. Lenalee nodded against his chest.

“I know,” she said. “But I can cry when I’m with you, so he doesn’t need to know.” She felt Allen smile against her hair.

“We won’t tell him, then,” he said, and he held her until all her tears were spent and his stomach was growling loudly with intense hunger.

Lenalee laughed, though she still felt miserable. “We need to feed your pit, don’t we?” She asked lightly. Allen blushed in embarrassment, but Lenalee lifted her head and kissed his cheek gently. “Let’s go do that, then.”

They both put on robes, not bothering to get dressed, and walked out of their room in the Ark back to the cafeteria in the Main Branch. A tired-looking Road in an off-white negligee followed them. When they reached the cafeteria, they were surprised to see Kanda-kun and Lavi there, too.

“What are you doing here?” Lenalee asked. “Don’t you normally sleep later?” It was six in the morning, after all.

“You do, too,” Lavi said, soberly picking at his eggs. He grimaced as he put them in his mouth. “Cold,” he muttered. Obviously, he and Kanda-kun had been here for a while.

“Well, it just seemed like a day to get up early,” Lenalee commented, shrugging.

“You’re a terrible liar, Lenalee,” Lavi said, looking up from his eggs. “You saw, didn’t you, through Road?”

Lenalee nodded timidly, an embarrassed blush lighting her cheeks. How had they known?

“He dreamt that you guys were there, watching.” Turning to Kanda-kun, he added, “ _ne,_ Yuu, on a scale of one to ten—one being least traumatic and ten being holy-shit-I-want-to-die—what would you rate your nightmare last night?”

Yuu scowled down at his half-empty bowl of soba noodles, though he looked contemplative. “Seven,” he finally muttered. “No, wait.” He looked as if he were concentrating very hard for a moment. “I wasn’t screaming, was I?” He asked Lavi.

The redhead shook his head. “No, but you were doing little whimpering things every once in a while. But no, you definitely weren’t screaming.”

“Then it was a six,” Kanda-kun said. Lenalee’s heart broke a little. Only a six? What was so much worse than that that could be called any number higher? She suspected sexual abuse from his heart-breaking outburst when they’d all been getting drunk, but she had imagined that to be the absolute worst of his abuse. From the way the number six had looked, though, she was no longer sure. “I don’t scream when it’s anything below a seven.”

“What happens when it’s anything higher?” Lavi asked quietly.

Reluctantly, it seemed, Kanda-kun replied, “I scream at sevens, eights normally include thrashing, I scream until I lose my voice—and you normally can’t wake me up—when I’m having a nine, and tens…” Yuu shuddered and then added in the tiniest voice he could manage, “the last time I had one, I had a seizure. I’ve only ever had one.”

Lavi put an arm around the Japanese man’s shoulder. “I won’t ask about those, then. I just wanted the voyeurs over there to know that there’s a reason they shouldn’t _pry._ ” He shot them a glare, and Lenalee felt a rush of guilt flow through her.

\---

_November 25, 2013—Allen’s Ark_

Amanda was pissed that they didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Britain, something to do with their injured pride at the American Revolution. She really wanted to celebrate it with her friends, something she’d wanted since she’d joined the Order. Still, this was the first year that she wouldn’t be allowed to visit her family on the date, and she had had to call her mother and explain tearfully why they wouldn’t see her in three days.

She sighed, lying down on the white cobblestones of the Ark and staring up at the glaring, blindingly bright sun. Next to her, Mr. Darcy sat down, pulling her head into his lap. He played with the locks of her hair, running his hands through it and braiding it here and there—she would spend the next week and a half getting it tangled in her hairbrush because of that—and generally enjoying the feeling of it.

Lavi lay down next to her, looking exhausted. He and Yuu-pyon had just had another mock-fight that had degraded to attacking each other with their Innocence. Amanda knew it hadn’t been real, just like with all the other ones. It was simply how the two had fun together, when they were not doin’ the dirty or simply being around each other. She thought it was sweet, actually, in a slightly twisted way. But then, they were both slightly twisted, so it worked out.

“Aaah, I love ya, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said softly, his voice thick with the sleep that was already overtaking him. Amanda looked over. Yuu-pyon looked conflicted.

“I… I…” He broke off with a frustrated sigh and scowled at the ground. Amanda sat up.

Lavi’s snores filled the Ark, and Amanda approached the older man, pulling him up and dragging him off to the nearest alley. Darcy looked after her like a lost puppy, but she ignored it, instead looking at Yuu-pyon, who ripped his hand from her grasp.

“What the fuck?” He asked.

“You can’t say it, can you?” Amanda asked quietly, stopping Yuu-pyon short. The man looked around and sighed again in aggravation.

He stared down at the shadowed cobblestones and scoffed. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” he finally said, sounding like he was trying desperately to convince her.

“I know,” Amanda said simply. It was very apparent, if one looked for it. But she was concerned that Lavi wouldn’t. He was too attached to the situation to be able to see it. In a way, the Bookmen had the right idea—if one looked on the world with complete objectivity, he or she could see everything as it was. Grow attachments, though, and the person could become blind.

“I really want to,” Yuu-pyon insisted.

“I know. It’s really obvious… it’s just that, well, Lavi’s oblivious,” Amanda said shrugging.

“But I _do_ , you know,” he said. He sounded… relieved, almost, as if he had finally been able to say it out loud. It didn’t surprise Amanda in the least.

“I _know_ ,” Amanda repeated. Then, struck by inspiration, she added, “you think you’re going to die, don’t you?”

Yuu-pyon nodded mutely, his scowl long gone.

“Perhaps that’s what’s keeping you,” she said, feeling that she sounded rather astute.

Yuu-pyon’s scowl was back in place. “Maybe,” he admitted in a gruff voice.

“You’re gonna have to say it soon,” Amanda commented after a long, uncomfortable silence.

“I know, but right now… I _can’t_.” He sounded depressed and completely hopeless. Taking her chances, Amanda put a hand on his arm, trying to be comforting. She wasn’t sure if she succeeded, though, as Yuu-pyon staggered back a little, an abrupt look of panic flashing in his eyes.

“You’re gonna haveta soon, though. Maybe not now—definitely not now—but soon. Lavi’s understanding, but he’s also oblivious, especially when it comes to you. Just… don’t keep ‘im waitin’ too long, ‘kay?”

Yuu-pyon nodded, and Amanda led the way back to the warm, sunny courtyard. She lay her head back in Mr. Darcy’s lap, where he proceeded to run his hands through her hair again. Yuu-pyon lay down next to Lavi, and before she fell asleep, Amanda noticed him almost shyly grabbing Lavi’s hand.


	27. One Step Closer

Chapter 25—One Step Closer

__December 1, 2013—Allen’s Ark

It had been all he could do to keep Lavi from noticing the wilting Lotus Flower. Never before had he lost so much from just one tiny injury. He thanked the invisible deity known to most as “God” that Lavi had been too preoccupied with his own problems the previous night to see it. But Yuu had. The second they’d walked into his room. He had known from the beginning, perhaps from the time that Mugen first appeared to him, that he was going to die in this war. He hadn’t known that he wouldn’t want to.

Another petal, the second half of the fifth, lay wilted on the bottom of the hourglass, reminding Yuu just how little life he had left. He had three and a half petals left now. Only three and a half. Icy dread froze his system with more intensity than anything ever had. From such a small injury, he’d lost a full petal’s value. He didn’t want to die, didn’t want to leave Lavi. Because somehow that idiot rabbit had become the most important person to him, the reason for his existence, and he had absolutely no illusions about his position in Lavi’s heart. It was obvious from the way the rabbit looked at him, gently patted his arm whenever he got twitchy, shuffled just slightly away whenever he thought of bad things, took care of him when he was screaming from the nightmares that still plagued his dreams.

If he died, Lavi would, too, and corny as it sounded, the mere thought of Lavi six feet under made him want to go mope in a corner and grow mushrooms. His lips twitched as he resisted the urge to chuckle. He’d heard that phrase from the Infernal Girl and had somehow grown quite fond of it.

He took out a box he’d gotten from the Director himself and stuffed the hourglass unceremoniously into it. He closed it off with a feeling of triumph as he gazed around the room to see if he missed anything. His bed was stripped, the lamp on his desk (taken from Lavi’s room) was packed, and his Lotus was put away. All his earthly possessions (he included Lavi’s lamp in this list) were in his hands, and Lavi had just moved his clothes. Sighing, he looked nostalgically around the room before slamming the door behind him. Something orange caught his eye. Looking over, he saw Lavi walking into his own room. Curious, Yuu set the boxes on the ground and followed the redhead in.

“You are not taking that,” he said firmly as he watched Lavi roll up his ridiculous burnt-orange shag rug.

“Yes, I am,” Lavi said, flashing him a toothy smile. “Oh, shit, I brought a box for the lamp in your room, but you said you were packing that, didn’t you?” He added, changing the subject.

“ _Che,_ ” Yuu said, scoffing. “ _Baka Usagi._ ”

“You’re mean, Yuu-chan,” Lavi pouted, grabbing the as yet unfolded box and walking out of the room, presumably to return it.

Turning to the rug, Yuu quickly finished rolling it, opened the window, and dumped it out of the room without ceremony. Dusting his hands off with a satisfied smile, he returned to carrying his boxes to the room they sometimes used in the Ark. They had decided to stop going back and forth between their two rooms and the one on the Ark. It was an unnecessary hassle, and it created confusion when others were looking for them. Which was disturbingly often.

Throwing his bed sheets in the laundry hamper that Lavi insisted they use, he proceeded to unpack the lamp and place it on what would be their shared desk. Yuu would never use it anyway.

“Yuuuu!” Lavi called, stepping in and looking distressed. “Did you bring the rug with you?”

“No,” Yuu said, “I threw it out your window.”

Lavi looked horrified. “Don’t joke like that, Yuu.”

Yuu sighed. “I threw it out, _Baka Usagi_ , it was hideous, and it had bloodstains.”

Lavi’s lower lip shook a little bit as if he was about to cry. Yuu dismissed it—the other man was obviously faking it. His face was slightly amusing, though.

“But… but… but… I love that rug!”

“And I hate it. It’s too late anyway. If you want it, go to the base of the mountain and see if it’s there. I refuse to let it in this room, though.”

“You’re mean, Yuu.”

“Yes, I know. Your point?”

Lavi pouted and left the room. He didn’t return for several hours, and when he did—looking utterly defeated—Yuu had already unpacked his lotus flower and stuck it at the back of his dresser drawer. He’d long ago forbidden Lavi from going through his laundry, so he assumed it would be the best place to hide it.

“ _Ne,_ Yuu, where’s your lotus flower?” Lavi asked, still sounding miserable.

“I put it away. It’s depressing when you’ve only got four petals left.”

“What?” Lavi asked, shocked. Yuu knew he couldn’t deny to Lavi that he’d lost some of his life force, but the redhead didn’t need to know the exact quantity either. He wouldn’t normally have lied to Lavi—he found the idea despicable—but he just couldn’t live knowing that the other man was _worried_ about him dying. It would change their relationship completely, make it more desperate than it already was, and Yuu absolutely did not want that.

“Head injury lost me the second half of the petal. I’ll be fine, though. I won’t activate Mugen any higher than its fourth illusion,” Yuu said, his voice coming out slightly gruff. He was careful to look Lavi straight in the eye. Lavi was an expert at picking out lies, but Yuu knew he could do this convincingly. Lavi was under the assumption he would never lie, and while that was true in most cases, it most definitely wasn’t in this one.

Lavi nodded contemplatively. “Yuu, don’t ever go higher than that. If you use up your life force, then I’ll—”

Yuu didn’t want to hear this. “I know,” he said, probably a lot rougher and louder than he’d meant.

“I just… I love you—I don’t want you to die,” Lavi said in a pitiful voice, hanging his head slightly. Yuu sighed and walked over to the redheaded man, calmly placing a hand on the back of his head and pulling it down onto his shoulder.

“I’m not going to die, rabbit. I’d tell you if I thought I was.” That was a lie, naturally, because he wasn’t telling Lavi now.

\---

Lenalee walked into the room with a slight feeling of trepidation. She knew that both Kanda-kun and Lavi had moved into the Ark completely, but she was afraid she’d find them… putting things in places. They weren’t though, and she sighed in relief. Not that she was disgusted by the idea, it would have just been awkward.

She found them in a little whispered argument about reading something and Lavi not wanting to.

“Er, Kanda-kun, Lavi, what are you talking about?”

“Lavi refuses to read,” Kanda-kun said as if that explained everything. If Lenalee were privy to more information, perhaps it would.

“I don’t… want to read it,” Lavi insisted quietly.

“Well, why don’t you guys come eat lunch with me and Allen, then? You can read later, okay?” Lenalee suggested.

“No, I’m still mad at Yuu. I don’t want to eat with a bastard like him,” Lavi said, turning his face childishly away from Kanda-kun’s.

Kanda-kun scowled. “Bastard?”

“Yeah, you threw my rug out of the window!” Lavi yelled, raising his voice. Kanda-kun looked stricken.

“Now, guys, this really isn’t the time to…” Lenalee said, bringing her hands up placatingly.

“Of course I threw it out the window, it was ugly—and bloodstained!” Kanda-kun yelled back.

“You know how much I love it, though!” Lavi screamed, upping his volume again.

“It was a hideous orange, worse than your hair!” Kanda-kun screamed, matching Lavi’s dynamic.

“You hate my hair?”

“Yes!”

“Well, I hate black!” Lavi shouted unconvincingly.

“No, you don’t!”

Lavi made a disgruntled noise. “You bastard!” He yelled, slapping Kanda-kun. Lenalee gasped. Why were they fighting over something so stupid?

“Oh, it’s on, rabbit,” Kanda-kun growled, leaping onto Lavi in a predatory manner, pushing him off the bed and onto the hard ground. Lavi grunted in pain as Kanda-kun tried to wrestle him into submission.

“Guys!” Lenalee shouted, activating her Innocence in case things went much farther. Lavi pulled himself free and ran for the door, Kanda-kun streaking after him, activating his own Innocence and drawing the blade close enough to her face to make her squeak.

She heard a scream from outside and then the invocation of Lavi’s fire seal. Running outside into the Exorcists’ alleyway, she noticed she’d already lost sight of the two warring men. Gazing at the plaza, she saw a bright fire erupt and then disappear. She ran quickly over to find the soldiers and other Exorcists staring in awe as the two threw attacks back and forth with deadly accuracy that the other barely managed to dodge.

“Kanda-kun! Lavi!” She hollered, cupping her hands around her mouth for more volume. “Stop!”

A hand came up on her shoulder, startling her. She whipped her head around too quickly to avoid a small amount of whiplash in time to see Amanda there, looking solemn and shaking her head.

“They’re not fighting,” she said, her face breaking into a smile. “They’re just playin’ with each other. Let ‘em, it’s been a while since their last mock-fight.”

Lenalee was confused. “But they’ve never drawn weapons at each other before!” She insisted.

“That may be,” Amanda said, “but they’re not serious. Look, Lavi’s smiling.”

“Lavi always smiles, especially when he doesn’t mean it,” Lenalee said. She’d learned that during the three months that Lavi didn’t remember. So many times she had seen his empty smile and nearly burst into tears.

“But look—Yuu-pyon is smilin’, too,” Amanda chirped. Somehow, she was right.

“Kanda-kun rarely smiles, not like that,” Lenalee said, now in complete awe. In those three months, she’d thought he’d lost his smile—even the bitter ones—completely. She was glad to see it back again. It seemed to be much more common now, though, and she had hopes that perhaps Kanda-kun was finally starting to heal.

She watched as the two collapsed to the ground, laughing. That had been a shock at first, seeing Kanda-kun laugh without any restraints. She’d never seen it before a few weeks ago, and it had become so natural and ordinary now that Lenalee couldn’t help but feel that things were looking up for her favorite Japanese man. Not that she knew any others.

They proceeded to stare at each other for a concerning amount of time. And then Lavi said, “Yuu, your smile is sexy.”

“Thank… you?” Kanda-kun replied uncertainly.

“No. Yuu, your smile is _really_ sexy. Really, _really_ sexy,” Lavi reiterated. Kanda-kun’s eyes widened for some reason, and he smiled.

“Ah. Well, I feel like taking a nap. Would you… ah fuck it. _Che._ Come on, Lavi.”

Lavi nodded, grabbing Kanda-kun’s hand—which the latter tried to rip away—as he followed him back to their room. Amanda giggled beside Lenalee.

“What?” She asked, though she had a pretty good idea where the two were headed.

“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all,” Amanda said mysteriously. “Shall we get lunch?” She asked. Lenalee nodded and followed the American girl to the cafeteria.

\---

Yuu glared at the stupid rabbit who was looking guiltily over at his x-rays.

“Er, there seems to be a transverse fracture here, Mr. Kanda,” the doctor said, examining the x-rays with a contemplative expression on his face. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “You also have signs of old spiral fractures in this arm. Mr. Lavi, may I ask you to step outside for a moment?”

Lavi glanced over curiously at Yuu, who nodded. If the doctor had something stupid to ask, he’d ask it in private. Lavi stepped uneasily out of the room. Yuu knew the other man could still hear, having the ears of a Bookman.

“Mr. Kanda, you and Mr. Lavi are together, am I correct?”

Yuu didn’t like where this was going. Blankly, he nodded.

“How long have the two of you been together?” The doctor asked, his tone suspicious.

How long had it been? Could he count the summer? But that didn’t make sense, as they hadn’t really, truly been together since that night when Yuu had gotten back from—but he wasn’t going to tell the doctor anyway, so why did it matter?

“That isn’t your business,” he growled, glaring at the man, who flinched back, gulping.

“I’m just wondering, as you said you were a fast healer. If you and Mr. Lavi have been together for more than a month or two, then these injuries would probably—”

“What idiotic suggestion are you trying to make?” Yuu asked nastily, his hand twitching to his left hip, where Mugen sat, deactivated and waiting Yuu’s instructions.

“Mr. Kanda, is Mr. Lavi abusing you?” The doctor asked. Yuu couldn’t help it, he laughed.

“You’re an idiot!” He yelled, sobering. “I’m an Exorcist, these sort of injuries—”

“—Do not come from the battlefield. Mr. Kanda, these are spiral fractures. They come from your arm being twisted—”

“You think Akuma are incapable of grabbing arms and twisting them in a way that would cause a fracture?” Yuu asked rhetorically, getting up off the bed. The pressure cast was annoying, as was the sling, but it was better than the plaster alternative.

“I’m just saying that you shouldn’t use your occupation as a way to hide physical abuse,” the doctor replied stubbornly.

Yuu seethed. He was _not_ going to admit anything about his father to this stupid health professional. “You’re prying into things that aren’t there. Lavi and I may hit each other, but that’s only while we’re training.” Yuu looked away, a blush forming on his face. They also hit each other to get an edge over the other while…

He cut that thought off, just in case the doctor was telepathic. Said doctor sighed dejectedly. Abruptly, the stupid rabbit that he hated burst into the room.

“Yuu, you gave me a black eye!” He complained loudly, pointing at his bad eye.

“You broke my arm,” he responded, voice hard and cold as iron.

“How was I supposed to know it would bend that way!? And besides, it wasn’t me!”

“You don’t know that, rabbit!” Yuu shouted.

“What if it had been my other eye, huh? I’d be fucking _blind_!”

“Good riddance!”

Lavi sniffed heartily, and Yuu pulled him from the room, ignoring the doctor’s protests. It wasn’t worth staying now that he was bandaged properly. And he was hungry, dammit. His stomach growled, making him curse under his breath. He hated admitting any weakness, especially hunger. That was probably why he hated yawning—he didn’t like his enemies knowing he was even the least bit tired.

They headed over to the Order’s cafeteria. The Infernal Girl asked prying questions, mocking him with the amusement in her eyes.

“Hey, Yuu-pyon, are you in an abusive relationship?” Amanda asked. “’Cause if you are, you gotta get out of it. I know from experience—they’re bad for ya.”

Yuu punched her, even though he didn’t like to hit girls. To be fair, he had hit her arm, not her face or stomach (or chest—Yuu shuddered at the notion, remembering that horrible day at the beach). He stomped out of the cafeteria, ignoring the idea of food. Lavi followed fifteen minutes later with a tray of food for him.

Sitting in their new room on the Ark, he watched Lavi read, feeling somewhat at peace despite the healing pains that shot through his arm every once in a while.

“ _Ne,_ Yuu, listen to this: ‘It may be the biggest mistake I ever made, picking Liam as an apprentice. Bookmen are supposed to be objective, but something about that incorrigible kid has made me lose it. I can’t imagine a life when he is not my pupil, when he is not asking stupid questions or assuming something wrong that I must fix. It has been a joy, somehow, to be his Master, and it is very hard to leave him behind in preference of a new apprentice. It feels like I’m betraying him somehow. I don’t like the feeling. I have grown attached to Liam, and it is very hard now to leave him behind. I hope, when he wakes up, he’ll be able to be happy. I hope he won’t choose to continue on this path—he doesn’t deserve the eternal numbness, the never-ending objectivity. I have come to believe he deserves happiness. Perhaps this is what attachment does to people. But I do not regret being attached to Liam. They were the best years of my unfeeling life. I’ll never forget him. I wish him the best. So now I must close this scroll of my life and move on, forgetting all attachments and trying not to dwell on the strange hurt in my chest. Horace, my new apprentice, is the one I must train now. I know, though, that I will never be attached to him, because in a way, my heart belongs to Liam. Liam is the only person I have ever felt a bond of kinship with. I wish him well as I move on. I hope he will move on, too.’

“That’s the most redundant I’ve ever seen Bookman be. You were right, Yuu-chan, he did care,” Lavi said. Yuu looked over in time to see the first of the tears fall, and he reluctantly held the other man as he cried for his master a second time. Thankfully, this time, there wasn’t a hideous orange carpet for him to bleed on.

Removing his pressure bandage a few hours later, Yuu tested its range of motion. Despite a few twinges, it seemed fine.

“Oh, it’s alright now?” Lavi asked. “Does that mean we can continue from before?”

Yuu scoffed. “You broke my arm, and you want to try to do it _again_?” He asked incredulously.

“Yuu, all I did was push ya down on the bed. The rest you did all by yourself. And you’re smilin’ again, despite all the anger. And you’re smile’s still damn sexy,” Lavi insisted.

Yuu lifted the other man up bodily, favoring his left arm just slightly. “You are going down now, rabbit,” he growled, smiling predatorily. Lavi gulped, panic coming into his eye as Yuu pushed him down on the other side of the bed, hard. Harder than he’d pushed Yuu down. Lavi bounced off the mattress, over the footboard, and onto the floor. Rubbing his head, he remounted the bed, grumbling something about how it wouldn’t have hurt so much if he had had his damn rug. Yuu didn’t care, though. He reached out and tugged at Lavi’s ear, causing the other man to gasp wildly. He was surprised, though, when Lavi pushed him away.

“Yuu, be gentle with me, _ne?_ ” He asked with acute panic in his voice, as if he was afraid Yuu was going to break every bone in his body. Which he was.

“No,” he responded. He leaned over and brought their lips into sweet, gentle contact, though, stroking the back of Lavi’s head lightly. He let his hand slide down and peel the zipper of Lavi’s jacket away as he tenderly licked Lavi’s lower lip.

Lavi gasped, opening his mouth enough to allow Yuu entrance. Slowly—sensuously, as Lavi would put it—he reached a hand under the man’s shirt, sliding it up until he reached the soft skin of Lavi’s chest, running his fingers across it lightly. Surprisingly, the redhead made a mewling noise in the back of his throat, and Yuu responded by sliding the man’s jacket off completely, throwing it across the room and not caring where it landed.

He felt Lavi’s hands tugging at his own shirt and pulling it over his head. Yuu did the same, bringing the man’s body even closer. His hair swirled over the contours of Lavi’s bare skin, tracing the lines his hands were making. Yuu lightly, this time, pushed Lavi down onto the mattress, straddling him as the man went down. Lavi made a surprised noise, which Yuu cut off by kissing him tenderly. Just like anytime they did anything physical, he wanted to show Lavi the extent of his love, as he was still unable to say it. This time though, he wanted to express it further. He had jokingly asked for it to be gentle, and Yuu was going to oblige.

There was none of the usual struggle for dominance, none of the pain that preceded the pleasure; all there was were Yuu’s raw feelings for Lavi.

Lavi moaned again as Yuu licked his earring and simultaneously let his hand drift down to the redhead’s waist, slowly undoing the buttons to his pants. His hand delved beneath the thick layers of fabric, and slowly, ever so slowly, Yuu encircled Lavi’s length. As he moved his hand along it almost leisurely, he saw the redhead reach down and begin to pull off his pants, avoiding Yuu’s stroking hand. He got the idea and assisted, pulling the other man's pants down his legs at a pace so slow that Lavi whimpered.

“Yuu, that’s—” he began, but Yuu didn’t want to talk, only feel, so he covered Lavi’s mouth with his own again. He ran his tongue lightly over the roof of the other man’s mouth, eliciting a small almost-giggle. The entire time, his right hand did not lose its unhurried rhythm. Flicking a now deft finger over the tip, he heard Lavi gasp and roll his hips forward. A sweeping sensation flew through his body, making him tingle. Without meaning to, the dark-haired man added just a bit more pressure, allowing Lavi another groan.

This was becoming almost too much for him. Lavi’s hands were already working on his pants; shakily undoing buttons as he writhed under Yuu’s gentle touch. Pants and boxers disappeared in a pile on the floor, and Yuu pressed himself down on the redhead, feeling fire as naked flesh met naked flesh.

Lavi’s hands came around his waist, near the curve of his ass. Sweat slicked between them as they began to move against each other, just as slow as Yuu’s touches had been. Despite Lavi’s obvious protests, he refused to pick up the pace. One of Lavi’s hands left his back, reaching over to the bedside table. Yuu felt something hit his shoulder as a hand softly came to rest there. He reached up, removing a hand from its fisted position in Lavi’s hair, and took what the other man had offered him.

It was the tube of lube, naturally. It was nearly empty, but there was enough. Pouring a generous amount on his finger, he reached down, bypassing Lavi’s straining erection and probing deeper. Massaging around the tightly constricted muscle until it was loose enough to allow entrance, Yuu gently pushed a finger inside, swirling it around until he could slide a second one in. Lavi shivered and moaned again as Yuu pressed his fingers in farther, hitting the second coil of muscle. Smiling down at Lavi’s sweaty and ecstasy-ridden face in a manner that he thought expressed his emotions very well; Yuu leaned over, suddenly needing to make more contact with the man beneath him. He kissed the other's forehead, his eyes—even the ruined one—before sweetly pressing his salty lips to the redhead’s. Lavi pulled him closer, his breath hitching so much he had to pull back for air a few seconds later.

Finally, the second muscle relaxed, and Lavi screamed out in a language Yuu couldn’t understand as his fingers prodded deeper. It was probably a curse word, though. If anything, the Japanese man had found their intimate moments very educational, as far as speech went. He thought that he could swear in at least twenty languages now.

It was getting hard for him to think. Every nerve in his body screamed out for release, but he didn’t listen to his body—he never had. With an extreme force of will, he removed his hand and brought it back to Lavi’s length, stroking it lightly, teasingly. The redhead gasped out and reached up to run his hands through Yuu’s hair. It felt good, too good, just like when Lavi massaged his scalp.

“Rabbit,” he hissed, extricating himself so he could move his head down. Spreading the younger man's legs, Yuu leaned in, kissing the inside of Lavi’s left thigh. It was uncharacteristic for him to do so, but since he was being so out of character already, he figured Lavi would forgive him. Of course, from Lavi’s hitched breathing, he imagined the other man didn’t care in the least.

Lining himself up, he pushed in with a speed that again made Lavi roll his hips in desperation for more contact. Yuu grinned down, another uncharacteristic grin, and kissed Lavi deeply, leisurely, pushing himself in even deeper.

“Lavi,” he whispered before he could stop himself. He closed his eyes, just simply feeling for a moment, before the redhead’s lips found his. They were urgent, but Yuu slowed them down. He had asked for gentle, and he would get it.

Forcing himself not to go faster, Yuu kept up his painfully slow rhythm, getting perverse pleasure from Lavi’s every moan, shiver, and gasp. He didn’t know how long it lasted, but every moment gave birth to a thick, hot tendril of something deep in his gut. It built, sluggish and deliberate, until Yuu himself was gasping, running sweaty hands down Lavi’s equally sweaty chest, touching collarbone and breastbone and ribs, rubbing lazy, torpid circles on the slick skin.

Lavi himself was not idle, massaging shoulders and back in a way only he could do, tweaking nipples, and lightly nibbling on the flesh at the junction of his shoulder and neck. Each almost apathetic thrust that Yuu made was met with an almost desperate clashing of hips. Every time Yuu touched him in just the right way—like right there, just beneath his collarbone—Lavi would _moan_ and gasp out different things—Sanskrit was a common utterance, Yuu had discovered, as was Latin—and run his hands through Yuu’s long hair, tangling it irreversibly. It would be a mess in the morning, but then, they both would, and the trade off was enough to keep him from being annoyed.

He kissed Lavi lightly, a surface kiss, and then moved to his lover’s ear, feeling it was time to finish up. He had tortured the man enough. He sucked just as gently as he moved, sliding a hand up to join his mouth. Lavi moaned and gasped and writhed and yelled in the many different languages he knew until every muscle in his body froze and _clenched_ , making him so very, very _tight_. Yuu screamed for the very first time as the lava in his stomach erupted from him, the world slimming as it always did at the height of his pleasure.

Yuu slumped down, unable to hold himself up at all, and pulled out. Lavi lay beneath him, panting heavily and grinning like the Cheshire Cat himself.

“What?” He asked, his voice coming out far too breathy for his liking.

“You screamed,... felt good,... I did…” Lavi gasped out between heavy breaths. He wrapped his arms around Yuu, pressing their worn bodies ever closer, and for once, Yuu didn’t care that they were _snuggling._ It was okay to call it that, but only just this once.

\---

“Lavi,” Yuu muttered, holding the other man closer.

“Hmmm?” Lavi responded, eyes still closed and obviously still mostly asleep.

“Get up,” he ordered. He wouldn’t say it, but he had to pee.

“Can’t,” Lavi mumbled.

“Why not?” Yuu asked testily, trying not to shudder against the burning urge in his bladder.

“I melted, I’m a puddle.”

“You’re a puddle?” Yuu asked slowly, uncomprehending.

“Yes, I’m a puddle of Lavi goo,” the redhead responded.

“Well, you need to get up. I am… in need of… fuck, I need to pee, Lavi, let me go.” There, he’d said it. Face burning, he didn’t look at the other man as he obliged, and he kept his gaze far away as he slowly dressed in the clothes that were still strewn over the floor. He picked a pair of Lavi’s pants by accident, but he didn’t care, not even bothering to grab a shirt in his hurry to find the Ark’s nearest facilities.

Everyone stared as he ran, holding Lavi’s pants up, but he was too intent on his target to do more than scowl as he passed. Which was good. Perhaps he was too blurry for them to see all the scars. He’d lost another petal, so he assumed he now had more. Which was bad. No one needed to see those, Lavi especially. He didn’t mind Lavi touching them, viewing them, when they were being… physical… but at any other time, it was like Lavi was trying to examine him, like the man was always _counting_ them.

He returned a few minutes later, feeling incredibly relieved. Grabbing his shirt from the floor, he proceeded to pull it on when he felt warm hands on his sides.

“Yuu, where did these scars come from?” Looking down, Yuu saw a rather large, ragged scar stretching from the middle of his left side to his shoulder and a larger one paralleling the first on his right. Both scars stretched through to his back.

“The one on the left is from Martel, when _Moyashi_ was still an incompetent child, and the one on the right is from Italy. I probably have two on my right shoulder from Martel as well. You shouldn’t be so surprised, Lavi, I am an Exorcist. If I’m getting my scars back, then there are going to be a lot. This goes more for me, as I have always fought without thought of injury,” Yuu explained as he pulled his shirt on completely.

He leaned back against the headboard, letting his arms fall to his sides. He was tired, so he closed his eyes and reached for Lavi’s hand. Suddenly, there was a pressure on his forearm and it was abruptly turned so the underside was facing the ceiling. He opened his eyes in confusion to see Lavi looking horrified… and angry.

“What the fuck are these?” Lavi demanded. With a feeling of dread, Yuu looked down.

“Ah, those would be from the times I tried to commit suicide with Mugen,” Yuu replied, shrugging nonchalantly, and trying to remove his arm from Lavi’s unforgiving grip.

“Yuu there are almost twenty scars on this arm!”

“I told you I did it once, right after I met Tiedoll, I just didn’t mention the other times. They weren’t important.”

“Not important? How the fuck is this not important? How many other scars are you hiding from me?” Yuu sighed and reluctantly lifted up one of the pant legs. He wasn’t surprised to see the long jagged scars there as well. Lavi blanched and spluttered for a moment.

“W-why? Why would you do that to yourself?” Lavi asked, grabbing Yuu’s arms and turning him so that he had no choice but to look at his lo—Lavi.

“Because it made me feel like I was alive, like the pain was what was keeping me connected to the world, isn’t that what you did with your hands?” That comment stopped Lavi short as he contemplated.

“When was the last time you did it?” Lavi asked.

“When I was sixteen,” Yuu replied quietly. “Oh, and once when I was twenty,” he added after a moment of thought.

“Yuu, why did you always run parallel to your arm—?”

“You know why,” Yuu whispered, looking away. “I told you before, I wanted to die. You shouldn’t be so surprised by this.” He ripped his arm from Lavi’s oppressive grip and went to his top drawer to grab his Exorcist jacket. He didn’t care that it would be brutally hot in the Ark with it on. He just needed to not be around Lavi.

“Then why, when you were sixteen, did you—?”

Yuu turned from his position at the door. “You know why,” he hissed, slamming the door behind him on his way out, leaving a very confused, oblivious Lavi.

\---

_December 2, 2013—The Dark Order, Director’s Office_

Carter sighed. Sometimes, being the most Liberal Head of the most Conservative organization on the planet made his brain hurt, but now it was making his heart hurt. As he looked down at the file, he knew he had to do something about the situation, but he couldn’t stop the inspection from happening. He also knew he couldn’t separate the two Exorcists, even for the amount of time it took for the inspection to be complete. Another bed, it seemed, was in order. They could be roommates for a day, could they not?

Heaving it down the corridor to the Ark, he enlisted the help of several of his subordinates. He knocked grimly on Lavi’s door (on which a rabbit and a cat were hastily scribbled. Carter noted that the cat seemed to be crossed out with several choice Japanese characters next to it). He was unprepared for the sight that greeted him. Brain frozen with shock, Carter barely managed to think that he _didn’t_ really need to know what color boxers Lavi had around his ankles. Thankfully, the redheaded Exorcist was wearing a small towel, but Carter didn’t think that image would ever leave his mind. It was burned there, branded like cattle in a third world country.

“Lavi, I need to speak with you,” Carter said seriously.

“Er, can it wait until after my shower? I really have to pee and—yeah,” Lavi finished lamely. From the state of the room—clothes strewn about, sheets thrown unceremoniously over the nightstand, several suspicious-looking stains—he would have to have Lavi clean up, if the man was capable of such tidiness.

“It really can’t.” Perhaps it was his tone, but Lavi sobered immediately and stepped back, allowing the Director and his crew into the room. The bed came, too.

“Why do you have a bed?” Lavi asked, scratching his head as he pulled his—God, seriously?—bunny-patterned boxers up.

“We’re going to be having a few visitors today,” Carter said, shooing his subordinates from the room. They closed the door behind them, and Carter sighed heavily, handing Lavi a copy of the e-mail he’d received this morning.

He watched as Lavi’s eye moved impossibly fast over the note, finishing it in a quarter of the time it would have taken him, his face growing darker with each line. “Cardinals?” Lavi finally asked, looking up. Carter wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw a flash of fear in the young man’s eye before it was whisked away and placed back under his unreadable mask. “Why does this concern me?”

“There are some things you need to know about Vatican policies,” Carter said, looking anywhere but at the young redhead in front of him. The poor kid.

Lavi raised an eyebrow. “I dunno, D’rector, I know a lot about Vatican policies. I was there in the Leverrier reign, after all.”

“You think the Leverriers are gone?” Carter asked sharply, laughing bitterly without meaning to. “I guarantee at least one of the Cardinals is related to them somehow. Hell, even the fucking _Pope_!”

Lavi flinched. “I still don’t see why this concerns me,” he repeated.

“In the past few decades, the Church has become almost radically anti-homosexual,” Carter explained, this time meeting Lavi’s solitary green eye. “It’s a reaction to the increase in secular support for it. I think they clung to their radical opinions as a way to show they still had power over something. But their motive doesn’t matter in this situation. It was kept from the public completely. Lavi, if they find out about you and Kanda, Exorcists or not, they will kill you.”

“They may not enjoy the thought of our relationship,” Lavi insisted, “but we are two of the four most powerful Exorcists. If they kill us, the tide of the war will change completely.”

“It’s happened before,” Carter appealed quietly. “They were just members of the Science Department. They were in charge of the first generation Anti-Akuma guns—these two ladies actually created the weapon by themselves, though the records state it was the entire team. Saying that these two ladies—who were left off the team roster—created them is just about the only un-biased thing I’ve seen in any of Smith’s reports. Lavi, they were _killed_.”

He handed Lavi the report, which he had thankfully taken with him. Lavi flipped it back on the bed. “I can read it later. I just need to know right now—how did they die?” His voice was urgent, and Carter couldn’t for the life of him understand what had caused the change, what was motivating him now to act like this.

He didn’t want to say it. He really didn’t. “In the basement of the Order, there’s a floor that contains a large bomb shelter. It sometimes doubled as a prison. They…” Carter cleared his throat. “They shackled the women to either side of a cell and let them watch each other starve to death.”

Lavi blinked, unphased. He shrugged, but his tone when he next spoke belied all his panic. “Where is Yuu?”

Carter shook his head. “I thought he was with you.”

Lavi, too, shook his head. He brought his green eye to meet with Carter’s, and the Director was blown away by how much raw _fear_ was held in it. He had never before seen the young man so _worried_. “He left two hours ago. I bet he’s trainin’. _Ne,_ Director, you owe me a really long, warm shower.” Lavi hastily pulled on a pair of pants as he spoke. He ran from the room, feet bare and only in pants, presumably to find the man he very obviously loved.

Carter watched his back disappear and then returned to his office. There was nothing more he could do, as much as he hated it.

\---

Somewhere that the Cardinals wouldn’t find them. They’d inspect rooms, of course, so theirs was out, even with the addition of another bed. As for the state of his bed—it wouldn’t be uncommon for an Exorcist, or any young man, really, to pleasure himself. The stains were easily explainable. The Church might frown on masturbation, but in the scheme of things, Lavi figured they’d let it go. Everyone did it. It was the biggest secret humanity held. And honestly, with all the Priests getting off on young boys these days, he felt the Vatican was being just a mite hypocritical.

He found Yuu training, naturally. The man had worked up a sexy sweat that was completely covered by his Exorcist jacket, and his hair had long since fallen from its customary ponytail.

“Yuu!” He shouted. The long-haired man lost his footing and fell, Mugen flitting back into inactivity so he wouldn’t fall on the blade.

The glare he got was probably the coldest he’d ever received, but he didn’t care right now. “ _What the fuck, Rabi?_ ” Yuu screamed, obviously too infuriated to speak English.

“Yuu, I know you’re angry, but now’s not the time,” Lavi said, a note of panic breaking his voice on the last word.

Yuu blinked and lost all apparent hostility. Getting up from the cold, stone floor, he walked straight over to Lavi. Surprisingly, Yuu put a hand on his shoulder. “What happened?” He asked quietly.

“We need to not be _together_ for a few hours,” Lavi said, his voice pained. “Apparently, the Church is still filled with Conservative freaks, and we’ll get killed if we don’t. We also need a place to avoid being found. No one goes to the library, so I think we should go there.”

Yuu nodded soberly as Lavi grabbed his hand and started pulling him from the room. They reached the library very quickly, it being only a few hallways over and three floors up. They walked over to Lavi’s usual corner in the very back of the building, near the archives section.

“I’m going to read,” Lavi said, his voice shaking. He could stand death, but Yuu—he shook his head. Best not to think about that. He grabbed the nearest book, one he’d already read, unfortunately, and sat down on the couch he had come to call his own. He was surprised to feel Yuu sit down next to him, a book of Japanese literature in hand.

“So, what exactly is this all about?” Yuu asked after a while.

“The Order still kills people it doesn’t like. We’re people it doesn’t like.”

“ _Che,_ we’re Exorcists—”

“Doesn’t matter,” Lavi dismissed.

They read for hours, and Lavi began to feel drowsy. Normally, he could work through it—it was a skill Bookman had praised him for—but he didn’t want to fight the oblivion he was being offered. When he was asleep, he didn’t have to worry about them dying, about Yuu being killed simply for being his lover, about stupid, fat-ass good-for-nothings who thought they were superior just because they’d never been on a battlefield. When he was asleep, he didn’t have to worry about war.

He felt his heavy head hit Yuu’s shoulder—that was still innocent enough, right?—and as he finally drifted off, he felt something warm and strong encircle his hand. Whatever it was, it felt very, very good, and he hoped it just stayed there. It reminded him of cinnamon and lotuses, and whenever those scents were around him, everything was right in the world.

\---

The photographer liked his new job. It was very high-paying, had excellent benefits, and it gave him an exclusive look into the lives of all the Exorcists of the Dark Order. He exited his new office, which was located at the back of the library. He saw the redheaded Exorcist—his name started with an L or something—and the effeminate Exorcist sit down on a couch in the corner. He loved people watching, and the dynamic of their relationship was fun to get on film. As the redhead’s head drooped and then fell onto the other Exorcist’s shoulder—that one was Kanda, if he recalled correctly—the photographer decided it was a good time to take another photo. He had a massive collection of this couple, along with the budding one between General Walker and General Lee.

He could call it his passion, he supposed, taking pictures and videos of people as their relationships grew. It was interesting to look at them later, make up stories for how they got into the positions he’d photographed them in. He saw the other one drift off, placing a hand in the redhead’s. It was a sweet moment, one he couldn’t ruin with a flash. Ensuring it was off, he took out his manual camera and snapped a picture. So innocent, so carefree… he loved it.

He couldn’t help but laugh as they shifted lightly in their long nap. First, the black-haired man fell backward, his back hitting the couch. The redhead fell shortly thereafter, landing on Kanda, who only grabbed the man, pulling him closer. The photographer took out his video camera. It would be a good exercise to document how this deteriorated further.

A movement in the corner of his eye alerted him to the presence of someone new on the scene—or rather, a group of someones. It was a red-cloaked procession. At first, they didn’t seem to notice the two napping Exorcists, but then one of them pointed over.

“Is that a man or a woman?” One of the scarlet men asked.

“I… think… they’re both men,” another one of them commented.

“Heresy,” a third hissed. The photographer didn’t like where this was going. Couldn’t these red people see how pure this relationship was?

“Inspector Euleine, kindly restrain them. You are a user of Crow, are you not?” The first one who had spoken requested. The callous tone under the order told the photographer all he needed to know about the situation. Something was going to happen to his favorite couple—and more importantly, two Exorcists—and it was his job to record it. Just like the Bookmen recorded history, the photographer recorded this Order and its goings-on. He reached back for his pack of spare batteries and lenses, checked to ensure they were for the proper device, and inched farther away from his office, hiding behind a bookshelf.

“Yuu…?” The red-haired one asked groggily, searching for his lover’s hand and not finding it. He and Kanda had been picked up from the couch and bound with strange, card-like objects. There was a ring of them around the redhead’s right thigh and surprisingly, two more, one around each of his hands. A larger, belt-like ring pulled tightly at Kanda’s hips, binding his already activating Innocence to his leg.

The procession of Cardinals—and that was definitely what they were—picked the two Exorcists up and carried them off. Without a moment’s hesitation, the photographer followed. He was led through a labyrinth of hallways and a plethora of steps until somehow, inexplicably; he ended up behind a pillar, watching as the Cardinals pushed the Exorcists to the floor of the Grand Marshals’ level.

“What’s going on?” The Grand Marshal in the middle asked.

“These two have been tried for insubordination before—why were they not investigated further?” One of the Cardinals called out in a deep voice.

“It wasn’t necessary,” the Grand Marshal answered. “If you looked at the report, one was declared insane and was given a psych referral and the other was… unaccountable for his actions as well.”

“Explain.”

“Unconscious at the time of the trial. It is particularly hard to investigate someone when he is staring lethargically out into space, not responding to anything asked of him. His particular cases of insubordination were acquitted due to Smith’s incompetency,” the Grand Marshal said, almost as if he had practiced the speech. The photographer hoped the puny microphone chip in his recorder would be able to pick up this conversation. He could always rely on the redhead later, if he was still alive, but he hoped for proper audio nonetheless.

“I find it inexcusable that an investigation could be held and completely overlook the blatant sodomy.”

“I—what?” The Grand Marshal sounded appalled, though his tone made it apparent that it was geared toward the Cardinal, not toward the allegations being made.

“Sodomy is a sin; it is against the law of the Vatican, which makes it _heresy_. Why were these two not punished accordingly?”

“With all _due respect_ , you bastard, there was no _sodomy_ around that time. Unless you’re saying I’m into necrophilia, ‘cause that’s what Yuu was like at th—”

There was a resounding _smack_ that echoed with monstrous volume throughout the hall. The photographer watched, horrified, as the redhead went down hard, despite the arms that restrained him. Kanda called the redhead’s name—which the photographer missed—and made to move forward, as if trying to catch the other man, but was held back. He made a snarling noise but was otherwise unable to move. A moment later, another card-like object was over his face, and he looked like he was beginning to suffocate.

“Since you seem to be incapable of following protocol, we’ll take care of it from here,” a Cardinal said, reaching down and slinging the redhead’s now barely-conscious form—he had apparently hit his head on the ground when he’d been slapped—over his shoulder. The Grand Marshals and Cardinals stood, simply staring at each other with mutual dislike, until Kanda fell to the floor himself, a distinct shade of blue that was apparent despite the dim lighting. The object over his mouth was removed, and the man let out a gasping breath. Later, the photographer would have to review his footage, see how long they’d been asphyxiating him.

They walked over to the main elevator—copied from the original triangular prism from the old Headquarters—and went down, toting the two Exorcists with them as if they were rag dolls. The photographer nodded to the Grand Marshals as he followed, taking a service elevator that moved far faster to Hevlaska’s chamber.

“Hevlaska,” the Cardinal with the redhead called out. The ancient, bright white Exorcist emerged from a coil that looked much like a sleeping position.

“Yes?” She asked in her deep alto voice.

“You are to confiscate the Innocence from these two men. They have disobeyed the laws of the Vatican and as such must be removed from the Order. When you have the Innocence, revert it to elemental form.”

“Its form does not matter, and as long as the Innocence is synched with them, it is that rate that matters most,” Hevlaska said, not refusing their order but not acquiescing to it, either.

“You are to do as we say, or must we remind you why?” One Cardinal in the middle of the group asked. Hevlaska flinched, and the photographer heard a hushed whisper of _family murderer_ go around.

She reluctantly nodded and released tendrils down to the two Exorcists. “I cannot take it from them when they are bound so,” she said, sounding mournful.

The bounds were released immediately, and Hevlaska reached out her tentacles to retrieve the Innocence. With its removal, the redhead began to scream, deep and loud and guttural. Blood spouted like twin fountains from his hands, and still the man screamed on. The Cardinals stuffed something in his mouth to mute the noise, but it could not be muffled.

“ _LAVI!_ ” Kanda shouted, fighting desperately against the people holding him still. He elbowed one in the stomach and got another with a kick to the groin. A third one went down with a punch to the face. Kanda’s knuckles began to bleed, but he ran quickly over to his fallen lover, holding the other man’s bleeding hands gently in his own.

They were ripped apart a moment later and both screamed harder, protesting the treatment.

From above, Hevlaska made a strange sound. “I cannot revert them up here, together. They both take on such an evolved form that it may be impossible to melt it down altogether.”

“You will do it!”

Hevlaska shrank into herself. “It will take time, and I cannot do it up here. My stomach holds many slots for Innocence. I believe I may be able to do it there.” The Innocence floated down through her translucent body and into the depths of the Order. From the way Hevlaska had looked, the photographer understood that last bit had been a lie. He wasn’t sure about the first comment she had made, though, about being unable to revert them at all. He sincerely hoped that was the case.

A Cardinal walked over to the service elevator, toward the photographer, and he sprinted out, moving behind a pile of boxes placed conveniently right next to it.

“Where are you taking them?” Hevlaska asked, screwing up her face in what the photographer recognized as faux-concentration.

“Below,” was the only answer she was given. The photographer heard a distant whimper that matched the voice of the redhead—Lavi, he reminded himself. He would never forget that scream.

\---

“Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, fort—”

A whack to the back of the head, but he didn’t stop keeping count. It was so far, so, so far down, and they just kept descending, descending…

“forty-three,” he continued once he was able to clear his head enough to continue mumbling, “forty-four, forty-five, fo—”

Another whack. “Shut up, fag!”

“I’m not a bassoon,” Lavi commented, though he knew that wasn’t what the Cardinals had meant. He’d been around Amanda long enough to know all the slang of the past several decades. He never thought that particular one would be used against him, though, not with such menace behind it. “Forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two—”

He was hit again, but it didn’t matter. He could barely feel it over the raw _throbbing_ in his hands. The Innocence had healed them, yes, but it had run deep lines down to his bone, and when those were gone, well… apparently, it was like when stitches popped. Violently. A minute or two after they were put in.

“Fifteen, sixteen,” he continued, despite the rough treatment he was getting. He knew Yuu was barely hanging on, that he needed an anchor, and Lavi also needed to make sure his seconds were accurate. They’d been going down for a minute and twenty seconds now, a minute and twenty-three, a minute and twenty-eight…

“Thirty-four, thirty—”

This time, it was Lavi who stopped himself. The door of the elevator slid open with a dinging noise. There was no light. Lavi’s eyes had already become accustomed to the one tiny lantern in the lift, but now there was nothing. It was a void. A vast emptiness that reminded Lavi of his head.

There was a sliding, grating noise as a very thick, heavy-looking metal door squeaked open, obviously lacking in oil. Ahead, he heard another door open. He looked over to where he was sure he could hear Yuu’s somewhat unsteady breathing.

“Yuu,” he called softly. He heard a grunt and breathed a sigh of relief. “ _Moyashi will do something about this, the others, too,_ ” he said, switching to Japanese in the hopes that the Cardinals wouldn’t understand. From the confused shuffling and delayed admonishments, they hadn’t. “ _Suki da,_ ” he said hoarsely, quietly. He heard Yuu grunt again, a lighter, almost hopeful grunt that was worth all the pain that the fist in his back gave him.

“ _Su—su—ah._ ” There was a muffled thump, one that Lavi couldn’t identify.

“Yuu?” He asked in a quivering voice. There was a third grunt, and Lavi felt somewhat relieved again. He got another strike to the back. Obviously, talking was out.

Suddenly, he was moving, and he couldn’t hear Yuu’s breathing anymore; it was going away… or was that him? He couldn’t tell. He heard more heavy squeaking. Wind rushed passed him, and he assumed he was falling. The hard, freezing stone that he hit a moment later confirmed his hypothesis. Hands moved around him—something _clanked_ around his ankles. Whatever they were, they were colder than the air around him. And then he was alone.

\---

“Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, fort—”

Those words, just simple numbers ascending one at a time, kept Yuu concentrating on something other than the oppressive feeling, than the cold that had started to settle the moment the light had faded so long ago.

“Forty-three, forty-four, forty-five, fo—”

Every time Lavi stopped speaking, every time someone hit him to cut him off, tore at Yuu. He didn’t like being bound, being without his Innocence. He hated it. He’d never been without Mugen. Mugen was the thing that had kept him alive. Mugen was the thing that was slowly being replaced with Lavi. But his chokuto’s importance to him could never be erased, and he felt physically… empty without it. He had a feeling it had to do with how it was crystal type, but right now wasn’t the time to dwell on it. His sword was missing from his body, he couldn’t activate it, and he was about to be killed. He must be, because it was so cold, even with his Exorcist jacket.

“Shut up, fag!” Yuu didn’t know what that meant—he wasn’t up-to-date with slang, nor did he want to be—but he didn’t like the tone, and he knew it was aimed toward Lavi. _His_ Lavi. He curled his hands into fists, unable to do anything more than that.

“I’m not a bassoon,” Lavi murmured. Yuu blinked into the darkness, not that it changed the vision that much. The little lantern was so dim it couldn’t really be counted as illumination. “Forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two—”

They hit Lavi yet again. He remained quiet for far too long. Yuu shifted, but he felt something reach down and restrain him, as if they had read his mind. He needed to be by Lavi’s side—was he unconscious? He didn’t know, but he was… goddammit he was fucking _worried_. He could admit that to himself, could he not? Screw pride, fuck it. He was worried.

Deep in his mind, he felt one of the chains holding his emotions erode just a little bit.

He took a deep, relieved breath when Lavi began to speak again. “Fifteen, sixteen…” His voice faded away again. Yuu’s heart started beating faster again. Lavi had lost so much blood; he was probably in shock right now. If he wasn’t delirious from that, they’d certainly hit him enough, probably in the back of the head. He really needed to know if Lavi was okay, because in this tiny space, there was only one certainty: he loved Lavi, and if anything happened to the man, Yuu couldn’t live.

A chain broke completely, one of the many necessary to free his emotions. It wasn’t much, but perhaps it was progress. Finally.

“Thirty-four, thirty—”

Yuu felt the lift bounce infinitesimally as it came to a stop. One minute and thirty-four and a half seconds. From the lifts he’d taken recently, that was a ridiculously long time. They were very deep in the mountain, then.

He heard Lavi’s breathing, and that steadied him. Yes, he could concentrate. This was just like when he meditated. Deep breath in, deep breath out, matching them to something very important—like Lavi’s breaths.

“Yuu,” Lavi said quietly, “ _Moyashi will do something about this, the others, too._ ” The unseen redhead spoke in Japanese. Somehow, just that lightened the mood enough for him to find a tiny amount of peace. He could get through this, because Lavi was still alive. Because Lavi was right there, even if Mugen wasn’t. “ _Suki da,_ ” Lavi added hoarsely, his voice nearly too quiet for Yuu to hear.

He needed to say it back. Deep in his mind, the feelings thrashed and bucked and tore at the restraints. He loved Lavi, he loved him, let him say it, dear God, let him say it, even if he didn’t believe in God. It became a litany in his head: _say it, say it…_

And then, miraculously, he thought he could. Maybe just this once. If it was going to be his only chance. “ _Su—su—ah._ ” Something hit him in the back, forcing a grunt from his throat. They weren’t allowed to talk, and now that the opportunity was gone, Yuu couldn’t say it. But he wanted to.

“Yuu?”

That sweet, sweet voice. He didn’t care if Lavi thought it sounded like a fucking apple. Apples tasted good, they were fine, he loved them. Tiedoll had given him one, before he’d died, back when they’d first met. Every time he returned to Headquarters, Tiedoll would insist on giving him a big apple. It annoyed him, but it reminded him that some things in life were tolerable. Not his Master, though. Well, maybe his Master, he amended. But apples were good—they were his favorite fruit. And that had nothing to do with Lavi. Not that he would tell the stupid rabbit that. Not that he’d ever get the chance.

He didn’t think Lavi’s voice sounded like an apple. It was bitter and sweet, like sweet and sour sauce. If he was comparing it to something, which he wasn’t.

He couldn’t hear Lavi’s breathing anymore—where had he gone? Hadn’t he been next to Yuu? Even the dim light of the lantern was gone, and Yuu could see nothing. Could Lavi see anything? He nearly hit his head at his idiocy. _It’s dark!_ He screamed at himself. _Of course he can’t!_

Which scared him. Not that he would admit it.

And then they were moving him. He heard something that sounded like a scream. It was Lavi’s voice. He tried to struggle, but they wouldn’t let him, holding him in a vice-tight grip. They were just pulling him along for so long. He screamed out, yelled, shrieked. Lavi was there, and they were taking Yuu away from him. He lost count of footsteps. But he still screamed, screamed in English, in Japanese, even in fucking Sanskrit. Even after his voice cracked and died, he still screamed on.

He heard something open, felt the light breeze as it moved past his face. Then he was in a room, cold and dark, and though he couldn’t see the door, it reminded him of his childhood. He tried to curl up, but the people were still there, pulling him further in. He tried to struggle, tried to scream though his voice was gone, but to no avail. The Exorcist jacket was ripped from his body. He felt the knife that tore it away sink through flesh in a shallow wound that would probably bleed far too much. His shirt was thrown off, too. Yuu shivered in the cold. It was _freezing_.

His back hit the wall, and this time, he did make a noise—a sort of strangled yelp that didn’t suit him at all. His hands were wrenched above his head. Adrenaline crashed through his system. _No, no no!!!_ His head screamed out. He would _never_ be shackled again. _No!_ _Not this! Anything, no, stop!_

He didn’t realize there was a voice pervading the air again until its brief flicker to life had died down. The movements of the Cardinals had stopped, and they stood above him. Had he said that out loud? It wouldn’t surprise him. What language had he spoken in?

“You don’t deserve our mercy,” someone very, very close said. Yuu shuddered away. It wasn’t his father, it really wasn’t. His father was dead. He was _over_ this, dammit! Hadn’t he chosen to get over it when he’d told Lavi? So why was he shaking like a leaf?

Yuu jerked against their hold. The wall against his back was freezing. Everything was so cold, and his father was _right there,_ right in front of him, breathing hot, moist breath on his cheek as he smiled down at him.

Yuu fought and fought and fought, but cold things came around his wrists too. The door closed, but Yuu knew they were looming there, looming, just like his father. They would loom and then they would come in, and they would show him his mother, beat her up, rape her, all in front of him, and he was helpless to stop it because no matter how hard he screamed and how hard he pulled at the shackles on his wrists, he was held immobile.

And then he began to seize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: That was long. O.O  
> Sorry about the continued Kanda and Lavi torture. Seriously, though, this is the LAST time. Well, except for once more, but that’s more… self-inflicted?


	28. We’re Not Gonna Take it Anymore

Chapter 26—We’re Not Gonna Take it Anymore

He was waiting. He, Lieutenant General Carter Williams, was waiting. He had been waiting for _hours._ He felt like he was waiting for a death sentence,which he supposed, could very well be the case. He only hoped the Cardinals wouldn’t find Kanda and Lavi, but deep down, he knew they would. So he wasn’t surprised when the Cardinals came in, looking incensed.

“Director,” The lead Cardinal addressed him coarsely, “What kind of Order are you running here?”

“Umm… a good one?” He questioned, trying to sound innocent.

“Well, it doesn’t appear like that to us. We understand that you being from outside this organization has not instilled in you the same values as a director brought out from the church itself, but we expected you to follow our rules as if you were. We’ve arrested two Exorcists for blatant heresy.” Carter felt his blood run cold, though his only outward sign was a raised eyebrow.

“What are you going to do to them?” He asked, trying to sound disinterested.

“We are going to complete our investigation, and then we are going to take them with us.”

“Investigation? I thought this was a routine inspection.”

“We’ve had some… concerns brought to our attention by the Grand Marshalls. You could very well lose your job director.”

“Indeed? Well, why don’t I make your investigation easier?” He didn't give a shit about his own career, only about what happened to the two men that were concerningly absent from these proceedings. He picked up the intercom phone and spoke evenly and calmly into it.

“All Generals to my office immediately. Road, you too.” A moment later, a door appeared and all six of them walked through.

“Where are Kanda-kun and Lavi?” Lenalee asked, surveying the room.

“That’s why I’ve called you here. We have a major situation—“

“Why are there Noahs here?” The lead Cardinal demanded accusingly, pointing at Allen, Lenalee, and Road.

“Well, if you had read my report that I sent you _weeks_ ago, you would know the answer,” Carter replied gruffly. “Road has betrayed the Earl, and Allen and Lenalee are the Heart of the Innocence—which is part of Noah.” He finished his explanation overtop of the lead Cardinal’s annoying nasal voiced protests.

“Director! Where are Kanda-kun and Lavi!” Lenalee insisted in a yell. Another Cardinal turned to her.

“You mean the homos?”

Carter felt a surge of rage rush through his stomach. He heard a sharp _crack_ as Lenalee’s fist impacted the face of the Cardinal who had just spoken.

“Don’t you _ever_ call them that again! You have no idea how much they need one another!” Allen was physically restraining her as she went at the Cardinal again, Innocence forgotten. “ _Where are they!?_ ” She screamed.

“Never mind them, now we have to arrest you. They can stay there a few days—by order of the Church, you are—”

Lenalee remembered her Innocence at the same time she broke free of Allen’s strong grasp, and she collided, Innocence fully activated, with the man’s face. He went down, nose broken and bleeding profusely. Lenalee used her other leg to knee him squarely in the side of the stomach, and a moment later, a third kick that threw the man several yards back connected with his groin.

“You will tell me where they are,” she hissed, tears falling from her eyes. Carter knew immediately that they were of anger.

The Cardinals shuffled back uneasily, but they held their ground. Lenalee went to hit the next one with a solid kick. Thankfully, Allen was behind her again, pinning her arms to her sides and pulling her to the ground where she could not use her Dark Boots.

“I’ve got a better idea, Lenalee, we’ll look for them ourselves, and then we’ll leave,” Allen said firmly, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. Secretly, Carter thought it was a fabulous idea. From the general looks of agreement on the other Exorcists’ faces, it was a common thought.

“You can’t leave,” the lead Cardinal wheezed weakly from the floor.

“Watch us,” Cyrah growled, unleashing her Innocence and driving them from the room. “I assume we’ll be quartering in the Ark, then, Walker?”

Allen nodded, stunned that his suggestion had actually been taken. “Why… do you want to leave?” He asked disbelievingly.

“You’re not the only one who despises this organization, _Bean Sprout_ ,” Cyrah said critically. “They just get in our way, with their _politics_ and their _hypocrisy_.”

“We have the Coalition to support us now,” Tamas chipped in. “They will provide us with a budget, and really, as long as we get guns, food, and clothing, we’ll be pretty much self-sufficient.”

“I can take the Ark’s anchor from its position here. Where should I…?”

“We need to find Kanda-kun and Lavi!” Lenalee insisted from the floor, Allen still holding her down. He nodded sharply and turned to Carter.

“Director, I need you to get everyone who’s coming into the Ark.”

Carter nodded. That was his role in this situation. Turning on the full intercom—the one that reached into the Exorcists’ rooms and the training rooms—he quickly outlined the situation. His words were brief. “The Vatican is no longer supportive of this Order. We’re leaving. Those of you who wish to come, get into the Ark. You have three hours. Take everything—we won’t ever be coming back. Those of you who don’t wish to come, get the hell out, go back to your families. Enjoy the rest of your lives.”

He hadn’t meant it to sound that critical, but this was war, and if they weren’t in the protection of the Ord—no, the Ark—then they would most likely die. They would die with those self-same families they’d be going home to. And somehow, Carter just couldn’t bring himself to care.

He nodded to the Generals and Road. “I’ll have someone clear out my office and load it onto the Ark. I’m coming to search with you.”

Allen and Lenalee nodded in unison, their motion completely synched. Perhaps Carter had a second role, too.

\---

He descended down another floor. He had been searching for three hours. At the beginning, he had tried searching the entire floor, but he had soon realized that wasn’t quick enough. Now, he simply called out in hopes that someone would answer.

“By order of the Cardinals, I’ve been sent down here to relieve one of you!” He shouted down the corridor, but as usual, there was no response. He was lucky he had his night vision lens; otherwise he wouldn’t be able to see at all. All around him was dark; a blackness so dense it seemed impossible that light had ever existed.

Sighing, he continued in his downward search. Another hour passed, then another. Had it really been five hours since he had seen the beautiful moment in the library? Apparently so. He wanted to check his watch, but the light on the digital screen was burnt out from frequent use.

He called out his line, his mantra, one more time, and this time, his heart beat in relief as someone answered.

“Are they letting them go now?” A young voice asked, quivering in what the photographer identified as fear. Immediately, he ran toward the voice. As they came into the view of his camera, he was able to identify them as two of the ten bodyguards the Cardinals had brought with them. Maybe it wasn’t his place, but they seemed kind of like altar boys, only older. They were even dressed in scarlet frocks.

“Are they both in there?” The photographer asked, hoping for the best.

“No, the black-haired one’s down the hall. This one was screaming, but he went quiet about four hours ago, maybe longer. We couldn’t leave—we’re too afraid of what they might do to us, or our families.” From the terrified look in the boys’ eyes the photographer knew he wasn’t lying.

He stepped back. “What?” He asked. The photographer had known from the instant he’d stepped foot inside the Order that there were many corrupt policies residing inside, but this was ridiculous.

“I’m gonna go get help, but I need to check on Kanda first. The redhead, I think, is the saner of the two.”

“Are you sure? Some of the things he was screaming… shit, man, I don’t even know half those languages. Spent a ridiculous amount of time shouting in Latin, though, as if we could understand it…” The young guard grimaced.

The photographer ran down the hall, but the longer he ran, the longer it seemed to take. He didn’t know how long he’d gone, but finally, he saw other people in sight. He stopped in front of them, feeling as if he had just run a football field, or a mile. Whichever was longer. These two boys looked far more terrified than the others.

“Are you here to let him out?” said the one on the right, breaking rank and bumbling over in the dark to try to throw himself on the photographer.

“What’s going on?” The photographer asked.

“There was this crazy noise going on, like chains being rattled too quickly, and it just kept goin’ and goin’ for, like, three or four minutes, or maybe longer. We think he was having an episode or somethin’. He got really quiet afterward—before that he’d been screamin’, especially when he got locked up. Called out in all kinds of languages, mostly Chinese or something—”

“No, it wasn’t Chinese. Chinese sounds a bit more… throaty. I dunno what it was, though. Whatever kind of Asian he is, I’d bet.”

In any other situation, the photographer would have laughed. But now was not the time, nor would that time be coming soon. “Do you have the keys?” He asked.

“No, they don’t trust us—”

“—Which is obvious, ‘cause we want ‘im outta there right now.”

“Do you have a cell phone?” The photographer asked. The two green-tinged boys in his night vision lens shook their heads.

“No, we don’t get any reception down here. Too much metal, too much lead. I think these used to be bomb shelters.”

The photographer clucked disapprovingly. How was he supposed to help the Exorcists if they didn’t have the fucking keys, if he couldn’t fucking call them down? How was he supposed to— _Allen. Lenalee. The other Generals. Director Williams._ They would help, right? Maybe even that weird Noah chick? The photographer muttered a quick, “I’ll get help, just hold on,” and ran pell-mell down the narrow hall, hitting the metal doors and scraping his skin as he headed toward the elevator. He got to it and pressed the up button almost wildly. He was in a panic so deep that he couldn’t even make his hand work right, and it took him several seconds to depress the button enough to send a bright flare of the dim orange light into the darkness.

And then he waited. It was the longest minute and a half that he’d ever experienced. He cursed himself for not having charged his cell phone, not that it would have worked anyway. Still, he would waste precious seconds after stepping off the—

“ALLEN! LENALEE!” He yelled, bypassing the Cardinal who was trying to discreetly step into the elevator. He couldn’t see the two Exorcists he was searching for, but if he kept screaming out their names, they would be attracted eventually, right? “ALLEN! LENALEE!”

He went up maybe two or three flights of stairs when he finally saw the youngest General’s white hair, coupled with General Lee’s dark black locks. Surprisingly, Director Williams was with them, as was the Noah known as Road Kamelot.

“I found them!” He yelled, and the four people turned around, staring at him as if they didn’t quite believe him. “The bomb shelters! Bottom floor! Hurry, I think there’s a Cardinal going down there right now!”

Allen stared at him. “You’ve got a video camera, right?”

That was the only time the photographer shut the camera off during the entire proceedings. He nodded and rewound the film to show the white-haired General Lavi’s cell. A moment later, there was a gate, and they stepped through, passing into the sinister, oppressive depths of the Dark Order.

The Cardinal was already at the locks of Lavi’s cell as they entered the now crowded hallway.

“Crowned Clown!” Allen shouted, and his snow white Innocence formed, emanating a pure, golden glow. Lenalee activated hers as well, and the two of them took down the Cardinal before he could get over the momentary blindness caused by the light from the Ark.

“I’ve got the keys, Allen!” Lenalee said as she took them from the Cardinal’s motionless hand. Turning to the photographer, who already had his camera going again, she added, “which way is it?”

The photographer responded with a quick, “down the hallway—at the very end.”

She dashed off, just as the photographer had thought she would, in the direction of Kanda’s cell. She was the fastest of them, thanks to her Dark Boots, and when concentrating very hard, could reach near the speed of sound, if not faster. There was a crash to the photographer’s side as Allen _ripped_ the heavy, metal door from its hinges and threw it aside. It landed next to the Cardinal, which the photographer thought was bad aim. He pointed his camera into the room, and the sight before him nearly washed the light from his world completely.

It was Lavi in there, shackled to the ground, curled up on the freezing stone floor. He was shivering, and even in the camera’s green-tinged lens, the photographer understood that his lips were the wrong color. He probably had hypothermia. Dust covered his hair and bare chest—the Ark and Headquarters were both kept at very warm temperatures, and it was common to go about in a tee-shirt and pants or less. He stared out into space, simply quivering, reminding the photographer of a little child.

A pool of blood, mostly dried but still wet in places, surrounded his very badly scabbed hands, which were also among the palpable layer of dust. Allen rushed in and tore the shackles from the ground with his overly-strong left arm. Lavi didn’t react at all.

“Goddammit,” the boy General hissed. “C’mon, Lavi, Kanda’s going to beat you if you do this to him again. You don’t want that, right? You want to go up to him with that annoying smile of yours and say, ‘hey, Yuu-chan,’ right, Lavi?” Still, the redhead did not respond. Dragging him up from the ground didn’t help. Lavi simply fell back down again, as if he were a pile of goo.

They heard footsteps, and when they turned, the photographer didn’t need his night vision camera to see the soft light emanating from Lenalee’s Innocence. Behind her, steps shaky and very unsteady, almost tottering, was Kanda. His eyes, once they got close enough for the photographer to see, were vacant. Something was crusted about his chin, and his wrists were bleeding openly. The sheer number of scars on the man’s naked chest nearly covered the blue-ish hue.

The photographer nearly dropped the camera. “They’re both hypothermic,” he said urgently, knowing the symptoms from his time in the Coast Guard, “You need to get them warm. Now. Lavi’s not responding, and that can indicate stage three. From the way Kanda’s moving, I’d guess the same.”

“How?” Lenalee asked, worry lacing her voice.

“Hospital. Allen, you need to—”

“They won’t do it. Kanda won’t, and Lavi doesn’t trust the medical facilities here after—”

“What’s the next best option?” Lenalee asked loudly, interrupting Allen.

The photographer thought for a second, forcing his thoughts through his panic-ridden brain, but he couldn’t think of anything.

“Get them in the shower, get all the male, parasitic-types with you—you all run higher temperatures. Share body heat,” Director Williams responded quickly, speaking for the first time since they’d gotten down here.

For the severity of the situation, Allen seemed perfectly capable of making a joke. “You mean I have to be naked? With _them?_ Alone? In a shower?”

Lenalee slapped him. There wasn’t much strength behind it, though. “Just get them in the shower already, Allen! I don’t care if you have to put things in places, they’re not dying!”

Allen blushed mightily but created another portal right into the Ark’s bathroom. He’d become proficient at creating temporary doors once he’d discovered the ability, and they acted much like Road’s doors did, connecting dimensions from far off. He let his claw revert back into his left hand and tossed Kanda and Lavi in the shower. They both collapsed on the tile. Lenalee ran off to get Lolek, Justin, and Michel.

The photographer forgot he even had the camera going as he watched the scene unfold. Road created a door to go down to Hevlaska’s chamber. Perhaps having their Innocence back would help them somewhat. The two hypothermic Exorcists were stripped down and thrown together as water poured down their backs. Still, they didn’t move, even as Allen made a face and removed his shirt. The photographer didn’t need to document the rest, so he waited for Lenalee to return.

It took them a long time to warm even slightly. Perhaps an hour after they’d begun the shower, Kanda began to blink a bit with awareness, though it was not much. Road, it turned out, could not return the Innocence to them, as it was crystal type and responded only to their blood.

When they’d finally been warmed enough to cease the shaking most of the way, they were brought down, huddling in thick, warm blankets, to Hevlaska. She returned their Innocence without further ado, looking relieved that she hadn’t actually been forced to revert it back to elemental form.

Lavi’s hands stopped oozing blood, and the scabs disappeared as the lines of Innocence returned. Eventually, they were thrown on their bed in the Ark, dressed in two identical pairs of Darcy’s woolen pajamas and covered in a huge plethora of blankets. Warm water was left on a burner on their bedside table for when they awoke. The two still sported bright blue lips, but their cores were both warm enough now to allow them to share body heat alone. A small wonder, Allen commented dryly to the photographer.

He followed the other Exorcists as they went into the Musician’s room. Apparently, Road had convinced Hevlaska to come, and everyone else was on the Ark. Grimly, Allen released the anchor to Headquarters and moved the Ark elsewhere.

\---

Allen Walker was never going to take a shower again. He did not like showers with a total of seven men stuffed into a place that could hold maybe two. Especially when he was stuffed in the middle of it all. Sighing, he picked up his cell phone and dialed the number of the American President. He figured it was the most courteous thing he could do, seeing as he had parked the Ark above his house. Without permission.

The President’s personal cell phone rang three times before a chipper voice answered, “Barack.”

“Oh, you’re awake?” Allen asked, surprised.

“Uh, who… is this?” The President asked slowly.

“Allen Walker. I’m above you right now; mind if I come in?”

“Uh… sure?”

Allen quickly created a door to the Oval Office. Stepping inside, he saw a groggy President sitting behind his desk, reviewing files and sipping a large, steaming coffee. He looked up, sending Allen a confused look.

“Why are you soaking?” He asked. Allen shrugged inwardly. It was a legitimate question.

“Funny story, that…” Allen said, smiling in a too-casual way. “Kind of why we’re here, actually.”

Again, he was shot a confused look, almost as if the President was too astounded by his appearance at four in the morning to form a coherent question.

“We, er, left the Order.”

“Come again?”

Allen poked his head back through the door and motioned for the other Exorcists to come in through the portal. Lolek, Darcy, Michel, and Justin were all in similar states of undress and wetness, though the ginger man sported a luridly pink towel over his shoulders. Allen suspected Amanda’s interference, she’d been the reason Darcy had shown up to help, after all. Sure enough, she stepped in after him, carrying another pink towel. Road walked in after them, and the others followed until all the Exorcists were standing in the office.

“Where is Mr. Kanda?” Barack asked, scanning the crowd.

“Er, yeah, about that… remember how I said we left the Order? Well, they were kind of the last straw.”

“They?”

“Him and Lavi. They’re together—I think Lavi was mentioned a few times last time we were here—and the Cardinals are under the impression that sodomy equals heresy. Apparently, they take St. Augustine’s doctrine too seriously. Ha. That was before they saw us.”

He saw Barack flinch as he saw the stigmata that graced Allen’s forehead. Barack’s stare went to Lenalee and then Road. “Isn’t that…?”

“We have a lot to explain. It appears that no one got the memo. Perhaps there was interference on the other side? I think we should have the world leaders here for this. There’s… a video you should see, too. We need you on our side. The Vatican is not pleased with our decision. It’s their fault, though. It’s been a long time coming.”

Barack knitted his eyebrows. “I don’t quite follow.”

“Well, I could list to you what they’ve done to me personally, and that would be enough, but I don’t think that works, really. There have been worse things—personal things, of course, like how they took us, how they kept us there.” He sent a grimace over to Lenalee, who nodded back in understanding. “It’s not surprising we wanted to leave. Honestly, we should have left centuries ago. Kanda and Lavi were the last straw, though.”

“What happened, exactly?” Barack questioned, leaning forward and putting his files down. He took a sip of his coffee, reminding Allen briefly of Komui.

“We don’t… know. The only clear fact is that they spent five hours locked up in the basement of the Order with no lights, no heat, and no shirts. We know that Kanda was chained to the wall and Lavi was chained to the floor. They were in separate cells—Kanda’s seemed to be a storage room of some sort, while Lavi’s was a bunk room. We also know that they had their Innocence confiscated. All this because they were seen lying down on a couch together,” Allen explained softly, his voice slightly monotone. “Our photographer is bringing a video of it all. If he hadn’t followed them… well, there was a Cardinal down there. Kanda and Lavi could be dead now. Not mentioning personal relationships, the entire war would have fallen to the enemy if they had been killed. They’re both incredibly powerful, second only to me and Lenalee. And we cheated.”

“You cheated?” There was some interest in the President’s hushed voice.

“We’re the Heart of the Innocence, me and Lenalee,” Allen responded nonchalantly, shrugging. The President made a _hmmm_ ing noise but otherwise remained quiet on the subject.

“You have yet to explain why you’re wet,” he commented.

“Well, Kanda and Lavi had hypothermia. Kanda… doesn’t do hospitals. Or touching, not that he had a choice here. But he was a bit too out of it to notice. We had to get them warm somehow. All parasitic-types have insanely high metabolisms, so we run a good bit warmer than the others. It was a bit of a male bonding moment, actually.” Allen tried to smile, but it fell flat, just like his joke had. This was no time to be laughing.

“Are they okay?”

“They’ve never been okay,” Amanda said softly from behind Allen. All attention focused on her. “What? Have you guys not _seen_ Kanda’s scars? Those aren’t just from being an Exorcist. Was everyone too drunk to remember his outburst after we watched the video about A-Artemis? And Lavi! Do you all not realize how fucking _unstable_ he is!? He breaks down every time Kanda is gone! They love each other, but they’re both fucking nuts—and I don’t blame them! Road won’t talk about it, but she’s seen their dreams, and she’s thrown up most mornings after that! I would know! I’m the one holding her hair back!”

Her outburst was met with a stunned silence. Thankfully, it was broken a moment later as the photographer walked in. “Are you guys ready to see it?” He asked. Allen grinned guiltily.

“Let me get the other world leaders. I’ll be back in a bit.”

They all came willingly, especially after Allen had explained why. It was a tight squeeze in the small ovular office, but no one was complaining as the horrible truth became evident on the video screen.

Their faces all grew shocked the longer the video played on, going from the scene on the couch until the rescue and consequent shower.

“You said that was the last straw?” One of the politicians asked in highly accented English. Allen recalled her as the German Chancellor.

Lenalee nodded. “Perhaps we should all give them our personal reasons for leaving the Order?” There was a general murmur of agreement. “Mr. Leslie, would you be so kind as to record this, too?”

The photographer nodded.

“I suppose I’ll begin, then,” Allen said. “My younger life didn’t have anything to do with the Order, and even though my Master was possibly the most disgusting piece of shit on the planet, he still taught me well. Nothing was a problem until they discovered that I was the Musician’s host. I was basically thrown out of the Order, though they made it seem like I was still an Exorcist. They tried me for heresy—or attempted to. They… only kept me around because I was prophesized as the Destroyer of Time.” He reported all this with only an ironic smile and a matter-of-fact tone. It was only so that he could keep the betrayal out of his features.

Lenalee went next, and Allen squeezed her hand gently in support. “After my parents were killed by Akuma, my brother, Komui, and I tried to get by on our own. One day, I saw a very nice, very cheap pair of shoes, and he bought them for me as a birthday present. It was the first non-vital expenditure he’d made. They had Innocence in them. The Order found us and took me away. I tried to escape—I didn’t want to be there—but they held me prisoner. They had no problem hitting me into submission, Leverrier especially. I think I would have eventually resigned myself to my life, but… then I saw the experiments.” Lenalee’s voice became weak as a tear slowly fell down from her left eye. Allen had noted the world leaders confused expressions. “They tried to create Exorcists,” Lenalee explained.

“Isn’t that impossible, though?” One of the foreign leaders asked. Lenalee nodded.

“They made Hevlaska put Innocence into the bodies of the Exorcists’ relatives. They figured, since they were blood-related… but no, they all Fell. The sight of it… made me go… insane. Even when _Gege_ came to the Order, I was still… I am _still_ dealing with it.”

Allen pulled her into a soft, comforting hug, and she put her head onto his shoulder. He felt her body shake as she tried not to cry. Eventually, her hands came up to fist the fabric of his Exorcist jacket. His shirt was starting to get wet by the time the next person began to speak. It was Amanda.

“My family is poor—I mean really, _really_ poor, south-side Chicago poor,” Her voice wavered, and the American President sent her an understanding look, “I have two younger brothers. My parents… they didn’t like to talk about it in front of us, but we all knew that they were having trouble even paying our school fees. We lived in a tiny apartment. When my school blew up in an Akuma attack and they discovered that I was compatible with one of the General’s Innocence, they recruited me immediately. I knew not being around would help my parents, so I planned on going with them anyway, but they offered to pay my family for my… _services_. They promised money for my brothers’ schooling and money for me for a college of my choice. It was an unbelievable offer, so of course, I left without hesitation.”

Amanda began to shake. “The thing is, the second I die, not only does the college money go down the drain, but my brothers’ school money, too. It doesn’t sound like much, but when you’re from a poor family, the only hope of coming out of that is education. I don’t care if I die and lose my bit, but if my brothers do… I could never forgive myself.”

Darcy’s was worse. “I also lived with my brother. We ran from my parents due to… disagreements. He was old enough to take care of me. The Order found me. My brother wouldn’t let me go, though. I didn’t want to go. So they killed him and took me anyway.” It was a brief explanation, but it hinted at a sorrow so great that it threatened to destroy the ginger man.

Tamas grumbled a little and then spoke next. “The only bad thing they did to me was force me to be a General. I was just sick of the corruption, the hypocrisy.”

They all continued in a similar manner, though many of them had horrible stories to tell. The worst, by far, was Chu-chan’s. It disgusted Allen that people could be that sick.

“I am the illegitimate child of my mother and her… paramour. My father found out when I was seven. At first, he wanted to take care of me, but then I realized that it was because everyone thought he was mine. When I was just about nine years old, though, when I started to really look like my real father, my father started treating me like shit, and one day, he took me out with him and left me somewhere, saying he’d be back. Some seedy-looking guys came over.” Chu-chan laughed bitterly. “They were from a well-known brothel downtown. Apparently, my father sold me to them so he’d ‘never have to look at my ugly face again.’” Chu-chan laughed again. “They trained me for a bit, mostly just beating and… ‘lessons on pleasure’ as they called them. Once they were sure I’d do the actual job, they set me up with my first… _client_. Who turned out to be General McCarthy.

“General McCarthy asked me if I wanted to leave. I noticed his pocket was glowing and pointed it out. He looked surprised and then withdrew my Innocence. It didn’t turn into my gun—that was forged later—but it turned into something similar. He walked me out, paid for my freedom, and bought me a pair of pants. Later, he got me a shirt, too.

“McCarthy was a good General—very instructive, too—but a hoard of Level Fours got to him while I was his apprentice. I became a full-fledged Exorcist, but they didn’t want me to be a General. The Order always treated me as if I was their property, since I was purchased. They still do—the higher-ups, anyway.”

There was an oppressive silence after Chu-chan’s story, and while everyone stared uncomfortably around the room, Road gasped.

“Kanda’s dream is gone. I think he’s awake,” she informed them, adding a moment later that Lavi’s dream had faded from her mind as well. The two missing Exorcists walked unsteadily into the room, eyes vacant and hair messy. Kanda seemed to be more aware than Lavi, who was leaning heavily against the shorter man. He grabbed Lavi’s wrist and walked to the opposite side of the room, slumping against the wall in an uncharacteristic fashion. Lavi fell against him, his back to Kanda’s chest.

It would have been cute, Allen supposed, if they both didn’t look so traumatized. And if it wasn’t Kanda who was slowly wrapping his arms around Lavi. Actually, it could never be cute, because Allen didn’t get off on those things. Especially after that shower. Allen shuddered at the image. It hadn’t been pleasant, being shirtless against two men who were half frozen solid. There were so many people in the tiny space that any movement at all had been impossible. He hadn’t been able to feel the hot water, though he knew logically that it had soaked his head. It also hadn’t helped that Justin and Darcy had started singing a drinking song.

Allen watched without interest as Amanda followed the traumatized couple to the back of the room, sliding down the wall until she was sitting next to them. Darcy sat next to her a moment later, wrapping an arm over her shoulders. She leaned into him just slightly, her face relaxing just a little bit. That, Allen supposed, was cute. Well, no, that couldn’t be, either, because _Darcy_ was an annoying fool. Who was still wearing that blasted pink towel.

_Lenalee, are you the one thinking the cute things?_ He asked, opening her door in his mind. She peered out at him from her room and giggled.

_Sorry, Allen, I think they look cute together. Both couples._ She had the decency to smile sheepishly, though Allen knew she didn’t feel guilty at all.

_It’s really weird having your thoughts appear in my head sometimes. It’s hard to differentiate,_ he said, shrugging. It was not that he particularly cared that he was sharing thoughts with Lenalee, but some of her thoughts were… strange. He didn’t mind that they were girlish, except that it made him feel like he should be questioning his sanity sometimes… or his sexuality.

It had been a weird thing for them both when they’d discovered this. It had happened around the time they’d taken a tour of the other’s mind, and though they didn’t share much, it was disconcerting when he suddenly knew what color bra Amanda was wearing or started worrying about _Kanda-kun._ That had been what had clued him in, actually. They thought in different ways. Obviously. Because he’d never call Kanda that. Not in a million years.

He closed the door to Lenalee’s mind, making sure not to lock it in case that separated them and did something to their Innocence (and secretly because he didn’t want to), he forced himself back into reality just in time to notice Lolek waving his hand in front of their faces.

“Oh, he’s just checked back in. What happened, Allen?” Lolek asked, looking concerned. The rest of the room mirrored his expression.

“Nothing, sorry, I guess I just—”

“DON’T EAT THE CHILDREN!” Lavi’s desperate voice shot out, interrupting Allen’s meager explanation. Everyone stared back at him.

“Lavi, what’s going on?” Amanda said, seeming taken aback by Lavi’s sudden change in position. He was now grabbing her by the scruff of her shirt, his eye wild with delirium and panic.

“They’re gonna _eat them_ , you have to stop it, Amanda! Please, please… stop them!” He shouted. Obviously, he was in some sort of similar reality. He knew where he was, who was around him, but could not comprehend the world at the moment. The outburst ended as Amanda gently removed the redhead’s hands and leaned the man back against his lover. The man was still mumbling things under his breath and Allen noticed the American girl cringe a bit at the contents.

The silence got even more awkward after Lavi’s sudden exclamation. No one knew what to say, and Allen looked at Lenalee helplessly. He didn’t know how to move the subject away from Lavi’s apparent insanity.

Cyrah did, though. “The Order watched as my village burned. They took me to be an Exorcist, but they didn’t know I was pregnant. They killed my baby.”

That was all she said. That was all that needed to be said. Everyone stood in shocked silence, broken only by Chu-chan’s shuffling gait as he walked over to Cyrah and placed a hand on her shoulder. Allen found it ironic that the Church was being so harsh on Lavi and Kanda after it had committed what most members called murder. But then, the Order was hypocritical.

The President looked past the Exorcists to the back of the room, eyeing Kanda. Allen knew the man had a large amount of respect for the black-haired Exorcist, despite the fact that Kanda was a cold asshole. Getting up from behind his desk, President Obama walked silently over to the two despondent Exorcists. As he stepped closer, Lavi reached over and grasped the man’s pant leg. He turned a desperate eye up the tall politician.

“Please… please, don’t make me watch, Bookman!” Lavi pled pitifully.

Obama leaned down, looking Lavi in the eye, and said softly, “No, you don’t have to watch. Just close your eyes and it will all go away, everything is going to be okay.” Allen watched as Lavi’s hand slowly unclenched and he fell back against Kanda, his eye no longer containing any coherency.

“Please continue your stories, I’ll stay here,” the American President said, sitting on the floor in front of the redhead. Lavi huddled farther back in Kanda’s arms, and the long-haired man responded by tightening his grip.

“My sister and I were kidnapped. Our parents still don’t know I’m alive,” Lolek said soberly.

“Where’s your sister?” One of the politicians asked. Lolek looked away and wouldn’t comment further. Allen grinned a little when he saw Miranda slip herself just a little bit closer to him, placing a hand lightly in his. It was good to see her being so outgoing again. It was good to see she was finally healing.

“The Order used me as a tool to keep people uninjured beyond their capacity to survive once my Time Record deactivated. It’s not pleasant being a tool, I think Allen understands this the most, as they did something similar with him and the Ark,” Miranda said softly, being just as brief as Lolek had.

“Can anyone tell us the stories of the two over there?” The Russian President asked in highly-accented English.

Allen stared at everyone for a moment before he spoke up. “Lavi was a Bookman. But he found his heart. Kanda… we don’t know what happened, but he always said the Order was better than home. And you saw what the Order did to him. I think that, if you asked him now, he’d still insist the same.” He grimaced, lacking any other expression that seemed appropriate.

“Um, Allen, Lavi’s muttering weird things again,” Amanda said, sounding worried. Allen turned to the back of the room. Lavi’s eye was blank and dark, just as it had been when they’d found him, but his mouth was moving, forming incoherent mixes of languages. Behind him, Kanda’s eyes were closed, though he held Lavi just as tightly as if he were awake. The world leaders flinched as they recognized parts of their native languages.

“What is he saying?” Amanda asked quietly. The world leaders shook their heads, refusing to repeat Lavi’s words. The photographer had come to stand near the redhead, and though Allen didn’t want him catching all this on film, perhaps it was for the better if he did. It would make whatever he was planning to do with the footage all the more realistic, even if it showed his friends in a moment of weakness.

“ _Otou-san, yamero,_ ” Kanda mumbled into Lavi’s head. Allen didn’t know much Japanese, but he knew enough to catch the meaning of those two words. The rest of the sentence made the Japanese Prime Minister turn vaguely green.

“What is he saying?” This time, it was the photographer who asked. Reluctantly, the Japanese politician repeated Kanda’s words, translating them without effort into English.

“‘Father, stop. Don’t hurt Mother, she’s sick. No, stop, Father, you’re hurting me. No, no! Not the belt!’”

Allen suddenly understood the scars on Kanda’s back, the ones he had been trying to forget since he’d been pressed against them in the sardine shower. He wished he didn’t. “Leave that out of whatever you plan to do,” he ordered, addressing the photographer. “He doesn’t need pity, especially that of the entire world.”

The photographer nodded, but Allen wasn’t sure if that would stop the man or not.

“What _are_ you planning to do with that?” Darcy asked, shifting the room’s attention back to something that wasn’t Kanda or Lavi.

“I was thinking a documentary-exposé, actually. You know, ‘The Dark Order: Corruption and Lies’ or some equally cheesy title that people will want to hear about. It’ll help your position. You’re trying to break with the Church. You may have the Coalition’s support—you do, right?” He turned and looked at the politicians, who all nodded slowly. “So you should also have the support of the world. The Vatican can’t do a damn thing if you have everyone’s support against them,” the photographer finished. Allen nodded thoughtfully. The idea made sense, he supposed.

“Everyone, are you okay with them publishing this?” He asked, gazing at each Exorcist in turn. Everyone agreed, though some—Chu-chan included, not that Allen blamed him—looked a bit hesitant. Kanda and Lavi both remained still, unaware of the proceedings in the room. “I guess go ahead, then. It’s better to have the secrets out than to have them festering down in the pit of the Order’s archives.”

At that last word, Lavi began to scream, wordless, fearful screams that captured everyone’s attention immediately. Road looked at the redhead and in a second was on the floor, writhing and screaming as well.

“She’s… the Noah of Dreams, so she’s susceptible to strong—can we get them in a different room? They still look a little blue, and honestly, all this activity isn’t good for them,” Allen said, knowing he was acting on Lenalee’s emotions more than his own. Still, he would have said the same, even if he couldn’t physically _feel_ the concern radiating from her mind. He would have seen it in her features.

The President nodded. “There’s a room just down the hall.”

“Does it have a window?” Lenalee asked. The President nodded again. “Then take them there. Make sure there’s light in there at all time—they were in the dark for too long. I don’t know how they’d react to it.”

Hastily, Lolek moved over to the two fallen Exorcists and heaved Lavi up, his face screwed up with the effort.

“Damn heavy,” he grunted as he passed Miranda. She giggled slightly and patted his arm sympathetically. Using his left arm, Allen picked Kanda up, thinking of how funny it would be if Kanda decided to take the time to wake up while he was in the white-haired boy’s grasp.

\---

_December 4, 2013—The White House_

Annoying voices twittered about, tickling Yuu’s ears until he was nearly furious with their teasing quality. Couldn’t the people who were inexplicably _in his room_ realize they were annoying as fuck?

“Vikram, stop saying it’s your fault, it’s annoying.”

Great, it was those two annoying retards from the Asian Branch. Didn’t they think they were going to wake Lavi up? He looked over at the redhead and saw him still sleeping. Which was good. Yuu had been very, very tired, which meant that Lavi would probably be the same. He didn’t remember why, though, just that it had been very dark and cold. And that his mother had been hurt.

Which didn’t make sense, because his mother had been _dead_ since he was ten.

“But you won’t even tell me what happened—”

“—Because you wouldn’t want to know!”

“But I do! Emiko, I want to know what that stupid little bitch did to you! I see how you shrink away from her whenever you’re within five meters of each other. I see how you leave the room whenever she enters. It’s _infuriating!_ I just want to know what I can do to help!” The Ass-Crack Indian—really, that man had to pull his pants up, especially if he was _sitting on the bed_ —said, sounding pitifully helpless.

“You don’t! Please, Vikram, just drop it! I’m tired of you asking. I… I _can’t_ tell you, okay?” Perhaps Emiko-kun had the same problem as he did, Yuu thought. She—he—whatever—couldn’t voice something, and though it was different from what Yuu couldn’t say, perhaps they were more alike than just sharing a nation. It struck him as strange that he was thinking of relating to people—something he’d never done—but then, he thought that perhaps it was that stupid rabbit rubbing off on him.

“Okay, fine, I get it, but Emiko… please, just let me help you somehow.” The Ass-Crack Indian sounded defeated but accepting. Why couldn’t Lavi understand like that?

Yuu blinked. What had he just thought? He was pretty sure Lavi understood what he was going through, so where had that come from?

There was a pause, and Yuu was relieved. Perhaps they’d actually let the both of them _sleep_ again. But then, Emiko-kun broke the silence with a quiet question. “So, did you think about it?”

There was a nervous shifting of the bed, confirming that the Ass-Crack Indian really was there. “Could I… just… try something?” Vikram asked, and Yuu wondered why the normally cocky man sounded so anxious.

He heard a sharp intake of breath, and suddenly Yuu was horrified. _They were kissing on his bed?_ Did they not realize he was here? Still, he couldn’t bring himself to break the silence, mortified as he was. There was a loud moan that emanated from someone’s throat—Yuu couldn’t tell which, as Emiko-kun seemed to have forgotten her falsetto for the moment.

“Vikram,” she murmured, and Yuu had a horrible feeling that it was against the Ass-Crack Indian’s lips.

Another moan tore through the room—Yuu was pretty sure it was the Ass-Crack Indian. Sitting up, he glared irritably at the loud retards.

“Get the fuck out of the room,” he hissed, reaching about for Mugen before remembering that it wasn’t activated at the moment.

The Ass-Crack Indian squeaked and tore himself away from Emiko-kun, running from the room as if his low, ass-crack pants were on fire. He needed to pull his pants up. The image was making Yuu feel sick.

Emiko-kun just stared at him, blushing, unable to make a sound. Yuu smirked a bit. He kind of felt bad for the girl—boy—it. “ _Ano, I’m gonna go,_ ” she said in her high falsetto, speaking in Japanese in her embarrassment. She sprinted from the room nearly as fast as the Ass-Crack Indian had. Yuu felt satisfied as he lay back down and stared at Lavi again.

His heart surged as he looked at the redhead, though he wasn’t quite sure why. He found his physical reactions to be annoying, though he didn’t mind them nearly as much as he once had. Back when he’d been confused about his feelings, back in the nineteenth century, he hadn’t understood why his heart did stupid things or he’d started shaking or his breathing suddenly picked up. But he thought he had a clue now. Even if he couldn’t say it yet.

Reaching out, he ran a solitary finger down Lavi’s stubbly face. He scowled a bit—why hadn’t Lavi shaven? His stubble was outrageous, as if he hadn’t done anything about it in days. Yuu felt like he was missing something, but he ignored it, running another finger along with the first. Lavi made a little sleepy grunt and leaned his face into Yuu’s hand.

A clear, emerald eye opened and looked groggily over at him. A smile spread slowly on his—Lavi’s face, peaceful and slightly haunted. “I’m sorry,” he whispered quietly.

“Why?” Yuu asked. What had happened?

“I fell asleep on you—it’s my fault they found us,” he said, speaking quieter still.

“I… don’t follow,” Yuu admitted.

“It was really cold and dark, but it’s warm now. I knew Allen and Lenalee would come—I was right, I’m guessing, since we’re together.”

Yuu felt his brow knit together in his confusion. What was he missing?

“Yuu, you don’t remember, do you?” Lavi asked, pulling one of his own hands from under the warm comforter and placing it on one of Yuu’s surprisingly rough cheeks. Had he forgotten to shave, too?

“You need to remember—the Cardinals, Yuu, they took us away, our Innocence, too.”

Yuu felt like he had an egg cracked over his head as he remembered what had happened, what his brain had hidden from him while he awoke. He ran his fingers up and down Lavi’s cheek again, nodding. “I remember,” he said simply.

“What happened after the darkness?” Lavi asked. Yuu flinched.

“I had a ten,” he admitted, looking away but still running his fingers gently over Lavi’s face. He didn’t understand why he felt the need to just _touch_ the man, but it was there, and he didn’t want to deny it. Lavi was apparently having the same problem, as his second arm had emerged from under his pillow and started brushing itself through Yuu’s hair.

Lavi’s expression grew worried, though he didn’t say anything else about it. “You don’t have to tell me. But you’re okay now?”

Yuu nodded, and Lavi pulled him close. With horror, Yuu finally realized that they weren’t in the Ark. But he didn’t care, because Lavi was there, holding him. Even though it sounded stupid, it felt good to be in Lavi’s arms, to simply be held. He would never admit it, though, along with the other stupid things Lavi did that Yuu secretly found endearing. Like that stupid little twitch he did when he was trying to hide how much he had to use the bathroom. Or that tiny, crooked smile that flashed over his face for a millisecond when he learned something new. Or that stupid, annoying little tendency he had where his hand twitched just slightly when he was really concentrating on what someone was saying, as if he was physically writing it down in his head.

“You’re still thinking outside your body, though. Yuu, come back down into your head. You don’t have to defend yourself right now,” Lavi whispered in his ear, the warm breath swirling its way around the hair hiding the orifice.

Yuu nodded and removed his hand from Lavi’s cheek, placing it instead on the soft, bare skin of his back. “I…” He rattled at the restraints in his brain, and for a second, he felt freedom. “…lo—”

The President of the United States walked into the room, a concerned look on his face. Though he respected the man, he wanted to hit something. He’d been _so close_. He _needed_ to say it. But the chains were back, stronger than before, just like a broken bone after it healed.

Taking out a rectangular object that Yuu now recognized as a laptop (Lavi had one); the President sat down at a white, wooden desk with his back to the bed. Lavi shifted next to him, pulling him even closer. Yuu glanced over, scowling at him. There was a strange noise from the President’s direction, and when Yuu looked back over at the tall man, he saw him typing furiously away at a document whose contents Yuu couldn’t see.

Lavi smiled at him and put a finger to his lips, laughing silently. Yuu nodded quietly, wondering why Lavi didn’t want to speak but not questioning it. The redhead simply brought their foreheads together and stared at Yuu. For his part, Yuu didn’t like the position. Lavi was too close and insanely blurry, and the strain on his eyes was giving him a headache, but he put up with it for the stupid rabbit’s sake. Eventually, Lavi pulled back, leaning over to place a chaste kiss on his cheek and smiling.

“What are you doing?” Yuu finally asked, tired of being silent. The rabbit could pout all he wanted, Yuu was bored. And the President had interrupted him when he had finally been about to say it.

Obama jumped in shock, slamming his fingers down on the keyboard accidentally as he yelped. Turning around, he stared in astonishment as Yuu sat up, the world spinning around him. Obviously, he’d been lying down for a while. Shaking his head to clear it, he gazed back at the American President.

“You’re awake?” The President asked disbelievingly. Yuu nodded impassively.

“Oh, yeah, we’ve been awake for a while now, Prez!” Lavi quipped cheerfully, sitting up himself and looping an arm around Yuu’s bare shoulder. Yuu tensed. Why was he shirtless? He looked down, panicked, and saw that everything was showing. Every scar. Bared for the world to see. He didn’t want to make a girlish move, sweeping up the covers and lifting them over his chest, but he desperately didn’t want the President—or Lavi especially—to see them, to see what was left of his father.

Thankfully, Lavi seemed to notice his expression and reached back to grab his pillow, throwing it into Yuu’s lap and then leaning on it. Yuu held it securely in place. Even with the rabbit’s head there, it showed nothing except his shoulders and the scar at his collarbone.

If the President was phased at Yuu’s injuries, he didn’t show it. Instead, he closed his laptop and smiled cordially. “I suppose you’re wondering why I’m here,” he said, his smile growing wider.

Yuu nodded mutely. Now that he thought about it, what _was_ the President doing here?

“Well, you see, your friends came to the White House to explain to us—the Coalition—that they’d left the Order.”

“We left the Order?” Lavi asked, interrupting the President’s explanation. Yuu clapped a hand over the idiot’s mouth.

“Sorry, he’s an idiot, continue,” he said, feigning politeness with good accuracy. He could apologize to people he respected. He’d done it to Komui once. Once. Not that he’d respected Komui. At all.

The President’s eyes widened slightly, and he chuckled under his breath. “Yes, they anchored the Ark above my house, but now they’re above the UN building until we can find a better place.”

“Then, where are we?” Lavi asked, taking over the conversation. Yuu was content to let it happen that way, unconsciously letting the hand he wasn’t supporting himself with drop into Lavi’s hair.

“You’re in the White House. You two walked in and started screaming, so Allen and Lenalee took you to one of the guest rooms by the office. How are you feeling?” There was genuine concern in Obama’s tone, almost fatherly. Yuu couldn’t rationally explain it. The only person who had ever shown concern for him like that had died over a century ago.

“Er, a bit sore,” Lavi said, grimacing.

“ _Urusei, Baka Usagi,_ ” Yuu mumbled. “You’re fine.”

“Well, what about you, then, hmmm?” Lavi asked, trying to pout again, though worry shone through his one eye as well.

Yuu shrugged and immediately regretted it as his shoulders cracked resoundingly and painfully. He hissed in discomfort and rolled them to get the kinks out. “How long?” He asked.

“It’s the fourth, so about… a day and a half, I think,” the President commented. Yuu made a contemplative grunt in the back of his throat.

“So what _are_ ya doin’?” Lavi asked, throwing back the covers and getting out of the bed. He walked over and made to grab the laptop, though Obama placed a hand atop the machine.

“Writing a Bill,” he said nonchalantly.

“Oooh, interesting! I’d love to see the legislative process—never got to see it what with all the fucking war—oh, sorry, sir, didn’t mean to make a nasty word there.” Lavi’s smile grew to dazzling proportions, and despite his ridiculous words, Yuu had to admit Lavi looked very good with such a large, genuine look on his face. For the first time, Yuu understood why he may have wanted to become a Bookman.

Still, he had to keep the idiot in check, so he got up, being careful to still cover his chest, and walked over to Lavi, slapping him upside the head. “Stop being an idiot,” he ordered, scowling.

“But Yuu!” Lavi complained, turning to look at him with a pitying gaze that didn’t affect Yuu at all. Well, maybe a little, but he wouldn’t tell the rabbit that.

“No, shut up!” Yuu insisted. Lavi suddenly got a determined look on his face, and before Yuu could stop it, the redhead had thrown himself into the Japanese man’s arms, forcing him to drop the pillow. Somehow—Yuu wasn’t quite sure how—Lavi clambered over and onto his back, squeezing his neck too tightly. “Get off, _Baka!_ ” He yelled, swiping behind him at Lavi’s face.

“Are you two… actually together?” The President asked, sounding confused.

“’Course we are, Mr. Prez, that’s just how Yuu-chan flirts with me.”

“I’m not flirting with you, I’m trying to get you to stop strangling me, you _idiot!_ ”

Lavi jumped off immediately, though he quickly slid his arms around Yuu’s stomach, holding himself very close. Perhaps too close. But Yuu was beyond that, and this was Lavi, so it was okay. The chains began to rattle again, though they held strong.

“Anyway, what’s the Bill for?” Lavi asked. Though Yuu couldn’t see, he was sure Lavi’s eye was still shining with that interesting light that he’d never seen before.

“Sorry—you’ll have to wait to find out,” the American President said, grimacing apologetically. Lavi pouted.

“When are we leaving?” Yuu asked suddenly. “Provided that _Moyashi_ hasn’t died yet.”

“ _Moyashi?_ ” The President questioned.

“That’s Yuu’s name for Allen, ‘cause when he met ‘im, he was short and skinny, like a bean sprout!” Lavi exclaimed, squeezing Yuu a bit and making him realize how hungry he was. He could use a good bowl of soba noodles. He missed their warmth, though Lavi’s warmth was good, too, he supposed. Not that he would admit that. Ever.

“He left the door in my office open for you,” the President said. “And Mr. Kanda, do you want a shirt?”

Yuu was surprised at the question, but he found himself nodding gratefully. He didn’t want everyone to see. It was proof that his Lotus spell was wearing off, and he didn’t like the pitying stares he would invariably receive.

The shirt was big on him. The shirt was big on him, but he didn’t mind. Slowly, he and Lavi stepped through the Ark’s door and walked back to their room. They passed Lenalee on the way, and she came up to them, smiling. Yuu did something very new and hugged her. She seemed surprised, though she took it with good grace, her smile growing and her eyes twinkling.

“I’m glad to see you two are okay,” she said, walking off, presumably to find _Moyashi_.

When they got back to their room, Yuu found a hideous orange shag rug on the ground. Turning to glare at Lavi, he saw his—his _lover_ had a sheepish grin on. Glaring angrily, he waited for Lavi to turn tail and run. But he didn’t. Instead, he went up and hugged Yuu, pulling him very tenderly toward him. Yuu didn’t fight the embrace, even if it was atop that stupid burnt orange rug of death.

They stood like that for a while, time passing like the sigh of the wind by the sea, a sun high in the sky and warming them both. Lavi leaned in once or twice, placing lips on strange parts of his face—like his nose or his chin. During the entire time, Yuu simply stood there, feet nestled in the ugly orange rug, and held Lavi as if to convince himself that the other man really was there. When Lavi finally stepped back, Yuu reluctantly let go, his shoulders cracking painfully once more.

Lavi looked at him, his eye filled with concern. “You okay?” He asked. Yuu nodded, but Lavi frowned, scowling just a little bit. Yuu didn’t want to admit it, but when Lavi was pretending to be angry, it was kind of… _cute._

“You’re not okay. Please, Yuu, let me help,” Lavi implored, fixing his beseeching eye with Yuu’s. The chains buckled slightly, but they held as usual.

“I—fine, whatever, rabbit,” he said, turning away so he wouldn’t have to face the other man.

Lavi extricated himself completely from Yuu’s arms, moving behind him before he knew where the stupid rabbit had gone. Soft, warm hands gently fell on his shoulders, and Yuu couldn’t help but tense a bit under the feather-light weight. “What…?” He started. Lavi pulled him back, driving him just slightly off balance, forcing him to take a step back, followed by another and then another. He yanked back harder, and then they were sitting on the bed. Lavi pushed him down and to the side, and suddenly, Yuu’s face was stuffed in the mattress.

“You may want to move your head, Yuu, or you may suffocate or somethin’,” Lavi said almost breezily. His hands were still on the Japanese man’s shoulders, only the touch had gotten heavier. He ran his hands slowly up and down the length of Yuu’s scarred back several times.

“Lavi, what are you—”

“Be quiet, _ne?_ ” Lavi whispered in his ear. Yuu jumped a bit in surprise. When had Lavi bent down? But that was distracting him from the tantalizing hands that were making their teasing way to his sides. Lavi whispered something in a strange language, but Yuu didn’t care because Lavi was being completely unfair. There was warm breath swirling around in the vast cavity of his ear, and those hands were working their way to the front, undoing the buttons of his borrowed shirt.

“ _Lavi,_ ” Yuu growled, trying to sound menacing, but then the shirt was gone and Lavi’s hands were on his back…

It didn’t matter that he was horrifically scarred, it didn’t matter that every touch reminded him of the belt-turned-whip, it didn’t matter because Lavi’s touch was gentle and soft and very, very nice. It was warm. Even in the cool air of the room, Lavi’s hands were warm as they swept frivolously across his back, making a mockery of the pain that had once been felt. Gradually, he began to add pressure until he was digging deeply into each gnarled knot in Yuu’s back.

“Jesus Christ, Yuu! You feel like a cancer patient!” Lavi complained, shaking his hands out for the third time.

“…I don’t comprehend,” Yuu said, not following Lavi’s thought process. That wasn’t unusual, though.

“I mean, you’re filled with knots… it’s like… you’ve got _tumors_ or somethin’!” Lavi explained. Yuu resisted the urge to take his arm that was hanging off the bed and slap it into his face. “Seriously, Yuu, you’re gonna get osteoporosis and shrink.”

Yuu didn’t know what to make of that. “Doesn’t that… have nothing to do with knots?” He asked, confused.

“Hmm, well, yeah, but you need to relax!”

“ _Che_.” The response still worked for everything.

“Well, at least don’t train for so long,” Lavi said, returning his hands to Yuu’s back and beginning to massage it again.

“ _Che_. You’re just saying that because you want to spend more time with me,” Yuu said dismissively.

“Well, yes, that too,” Lavi said sheepishly. “Though you _do_ need to take it easy. Yuu, it’s not healthy to have so many knots in your back. If the Old Panda were here, he’d—”

“—Hit you over the head and tell you to stop caring so damn much,” Yuu interrupted, finishing Lavi’s thought in what he thought was a realistic way. From the sudden tension in Lavi’s hands and arms as well as the sudden ceasing of movements, Yuu felt he’d hit a sore point.

“Yeah, well… He’d also tell you that you need to stretch a bit more, regardless of if I loved you or not,” he commented sadly. Yuu felt the sudden urge to apologize, but he held back. Instead, he took his other hand, the one that was now pillowing his face, and stretched it back until he found one of Lavi’s hands and was holding it firmly. “You’re mean, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said, but there was no menace in it.

Yuu rolled over so that he was on his back, facing Lavi. “But you don’t care,” he said slowly.

Lavi shook his head. “No, it must be stupid of me, but I don’t.”

Yuu smiled triumphantly. It was a small smile. But Lavi saw it anyway. Yuu didn’t even react as Lavi pressed himself down, running his arms around Yuu’s chest in a tight embrace. It was the first time that he hadn’t thought of his father for a split-second after Lavi started touching him.

“You are very clingy today,” he commented, wrapping his arms around Lavi’s muscled waist.

“I thought I lost you,” Lavi whispered quietly, once again speaking in Yuu’s ear. It struck him that Lavi’s voice sounded doleful, as if he was holding back tears. He felt something strange on his face and realized with horror that a tear was tracking its way down. He held Lavi tighter, pulling him as close as physically possible. And suddenly, that wasn’t enough. Lavi pulled back momentarily, looking at Yuu with a shining eye—whether from tears or from some unnamed emotion Yuu didn’t know—and then he crushed his lips down onto Yuu’s with alarming intensity.

And they made it be enough. Damn physics to hell, they made it be enough.


	29. Once Upon a December

Chapter 27—Once Upon a December

__December 7, 2013—Washington, DC

It was snowing out, large fluffy flakes that descended mystically from the heavens. All around them was ice from the storm the previous night. Though it had calmed enough for them to be out, Allen still felt a prickle of worry in the back of his head that perhaps they shouldn’t be. But Lenalee looked happy for the first time in weeks, smiling and joking with Amanda.

“ _Ne,_ Yuu, look at how the street lights shine off the ice on the trees,” Lavi said, grabbing Kanda’s hand and pointing at one tree in particular.

“Yes, it’s very nice, now can we keep moving?” Kanda said curtly, wrenching his hand from Lavi’s.

“Ah, c’mon! I’m tryin’ to make a romantic mood here!” Lavi complained, catching up with the dark-haired man. Allen laughed. It was such a stereotypical scene between the two. He supposed they deserved to be normal for a bit, as they still hadn’t recovered completely from their captivity. They didn’t mention it, but Road had been in tears when she’d confided in him about their dreams, and Allen himself had heard them screaming at night. He saw the light emanate from their room though the rest of the Ark was completely dark. It was sad, actually, that his friends—and he grudgingly included Kanda in that group—were so traumatized. He wanted to help, but that wasn’t something he was in the position to do. Kanda and Lavi could take care of each other, just like he and Lenalee did for the other. A symbiotic relationship, Amanda had called it.

“ _Che._ ”

Though Kanda’s response was short and was supposed to be harsh, Allen saw the older man wait for Lavi to catch him up and reach his hand over in the tiny space between them.

“I’m so glad they seem better,” Lenalee said from next to him, making Allen jump.

“When did you get right next to me?” He asked, though he didn’t mind.

Lenalee giggled and linked her arm in his. “You should pay attention, Allen, there could be Akuma around.”

Allen knew she was joking—there hadn’t been an Akuma sighting since October. They hadn’t done anything since Artemis had died. It was actually very infuriating. For the first time since he’d joined the war, Allen felt spectacularly useless. It also made him nervous. Just what was the Earl planning?

“Oh, this looks like a good shop! Miranda, will you come in with me? You too, Lenalee! The rest of you, stay the fuck out!” Amanda called, pointing toward a store with an inordinate amount of lacy lingerie and pink items. Miranda looked horrified, but Lolek ushered her in, looking quite at home.

“What?” He said, looking offended at the girls’ stares. “I had a twin sister. She dragged me here all the time.”

“You’ll see what we get later, when Miranda shows it off for you—now get!” Amanda ordered, gesturing for Lolek to stop following. He retreated back, coming to stand next to Allen.

“Women,” he muttered, “you’ll never understand them, no matter how long you live.”

Allen nodded gravely. It was true.

“That’s why you should try men—they’re much less complicated—OW! Yuu-chan, what was that for?”

Allen laughed as Lavi was hit over the head with the flat of Mugen’s blade. Shaking his head, he took a look around at the evening crowd. They had decided to go Christmas shopping, seeing as they had had nothing better to do. Surveying the obviously human passersby, Allen could tell why. _Where_ had all the Akuma gone?

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Darcy, Lolek, and Lavi start a snowball fight, with Kanda joining in once the three of them had teamed up against him, pelting him with their white bullets. Many of the tiny, packed snowballs went wide, hitting increasingly annoyed-looking people. A particularly bulky one turned to glare at Allen, and suddenly, his insides turned to ice.

“Crowned Clown! Activate!” He shouted, already pulling at his left wrist to form his broadsword. His Innocence was camouflaged in the snowy evening, but its golden shine attracted the attention of the roughhousing Exorcists just a meter or two away.

“Extend!” Lavi shouted, and the pole of his hammer slammed into the bulky man’s side.

Because as soon as Allen had turned to attack the man, they’d all realized who he was. The man who had killed who knew how many comrades, the man who had killed Artemis. Chaz Gaffigan—Noah’s Strength.

He smiled widely before swinging his arm heavily into Allen’s chest, sending him flying. Throwing out a Clown Belt, Allen steadied himself on top of a street lamp and looked down at the scene. A green-glowing discus flew from inside the frilly shop, quickly followed by its owner, who was dressed in a bustier of all things. Lenalee followed, wearing only a—Allen forced his eyes away, focusing instead on the Noah who was quickly approaching.

“Get away from _my Allen!_ ” Lenalee shouted, launching a kick that knocked Strength’s aim off. He hit a pedestrian instead, splitting the poor man’s skull in half as they toppled to the snow- and ice-covered concrete.

Allen jumped down from the lamppost, and the circle of Exorcists condensed. Allen noted a hint of panic in the American Noah’s features, but he stood strong. _Full strength_ , he told his Innocence, and it flared a bright, bright gold. Lenalee nodded at him, and a moment later, hers was shining just as magnificently.

“Mugen,” Kanda said from somewhere near Allen, “ _Hatsudou. Kaichuu: Ichigen!_ ”

Several of Kanda’s Hell’s Insects swarmed over, biting at the Noah as he attempted to avoid them.

“ _Moyashi!_ ” Kanda shouted, and Allen got the message. Nodding gravely, he charged forward, sword held strongly in his only hand, wrist level, just as Kanda had taught him. His arm strained at the weight, and though his blade lightened in response, Allen still felt the incredible force underneath all the bulk.

It missed the Noah by centimeters. Allen cursed and scrambled to change directions, but Lenalee was already running for another attack. Time rods came from nowhere, along with Amanda’s discus, and Lenalee swooped into a back flip, kicking them forward, forcing them to become faster. A moment later, she was back on her path, following the others’ attacks with a kick that would likely incapacitate the Noah at the very least.

A fire seal rained from the sky, and though the Noah dodged the time and the discus and even Lenalee—he was quite limber for such a hulking individual—he could not avoid Lavi’s attack. Screaming in sudden pain, the Noah retreated, grabbing a woman and punching her through the chest. He ripped her heart out in a grotesque, bloody geyser. Allen looked on in shock. Was he really that angry? Regardless, the Noah got away before Allen and the others could pursue him. Lolek stood on the pavement, looking confused at his sister’s killer’s bloody retreat. His gauntlets were green with activation, but he stared on as if not knowing what to do. He gazed down blankly at his gauntlets, and as Miranda approached him, he finally looked up, a haunted expression marring his face.

She looped an arm around his back, and he responded by placing one over her shoulder. Lolek then surprised them all by pulling Miranda into an all-encompassing hug. She stammered out apologies, but he only silenced her by burying her head in his chest. He was shaking, and Allen quickly created a door.

“Amanda,” he said, “go pay for those and then come back with us.

“Er, Allen,” Lenalee said shyly, tugging at his shirt. “Can I go and change back?”

For the first time, Allen got a good look at her. A blush rose immediately to his cheeks. Lenalee had always shown her legs, despite society’s norms, but this was… well, it was underwear, quite honestly. Allen had seen Lenalee in underwear, too—they _did_ room together, it was bound to happen—but once again, it was nothing like this. This was lacy and frilly and… _sexy._

“Er—yeah—go ahead, Lenalee,” he stammered. He heard Lavi snickering behind him, and once Lenalee was out of sight, he flipped the annoying redhead off.

“That wounds my soul, Allen,” Lavi said, clutching his chest dramatically as he came into sight, Kanda just behind him. The Hell’s Insects reformed into his blade before he let it deactivate.

\---

_December 23, 2013—United Nations Building, New York_

Lolek stared down at the letter with shaking hands. He’d received it the day before but hadn’t been able to open it. Sighing, he made to flip it open, but he lost his nerve again. He knew it shouldn’t affect him so much, especially with Lolle gone, but seeing his mother’s handwriting again after so many years had shaken him.

He assumed she’d found out from the documentary they’d filmed and previewed on CNN. Presumably, it had been translated into the many languages of the Earth. Germany would have played it, too, so it really shouldn’t have been so surprising to get this letter. After all, they’d put his full name, and he’d mentioned Lolle—not by name, no, but he’d mentioned a sister all the same. Just thinking about her still hurt, but the edge seemed to be gone. He no longer felt like he was drifting. He had an anchor now, maybe. Still, there was something about losing his twin that hurt him beyond repair. It had been a year, and the bitter tears he’d shed for her would never wash away.

“You should just open it,” Miranda said, coming up beside him. Lolek wasn’t sure, but he thought Miranda was looking a bit depressed as of late. He’d known for a long time that there was some deep hurt that he could never touch. He also knew that she was hiding something from him. But it didn’t matter, because she was there at his side, and he could never dwell on it when she was there.

“Very well, _mein Liebchen_ ,” he said, smiling at her lightly and tearing through the sealed fold of the envelope.

-

_My Dearest Lolek and Lolle,_

_I’ve only just discovered that you two were still alive. I know you have that fancy Ark from the documentary they showed, and I’d be very happy if the two of you would come to visit me. I’d love to see my babies at least once._

_Love,_

_Mutti_

-

He hadn’t even realized the tears were falling before they were smearing the short note. Miranda hugged him around the stomach, and he used her silent strength to regain his composure. Wrapping his arms around her slim waist, he picked her up—he was a good foot taller than her—and held her close. She took her arms from their now pinned position, placing them lightly around his neck. She smiled down at him.

“I think you should go visit,” she said quietly. Lolek nodded in resignation.

“Only if you come with me, Miranda,” he said, matching her volume.

Stepping out of the Ark’s newest portal five minutes later, Lolek sighed.

“ _Mutti?_ ” Lolek called, walking into his childhood home, Miranda on his arm. An older woman turned the corner and stared almost wonderingly at the two of them. Her graying hair showed hints of once being blonde, and her eyes still shone out the same blue as Lolek’s own. He and Lolle had both looked so much like her that they had often teased that their father was adopted. It was a stupid joke, but it was theirs.

“Lolek?” She asked disbelievingly, her voice coming out breathless and shocked. She ran forward, throwing her arms around him. Lolek began to choke.

“ _Mutti, you’re choking me,_ ” he gagged in German, trying to push her away. She wouldn’t budge. Miranda stood off to the side, somewhat ignored (though not by Lolek).

“ _Oh, Lolek, look how much you’ve grown! You must be over six feet, at least! Where’s Lolle? How are you both doing_?” His mother asked. Lolek froze at the last two questions.

“ _Mutti,_ she’s… Lolle, she’s…” His voice wafted off into the air, and Lolek looked imploringly at Miranda. She shook her head and gestured for him to continue. “…Dead,” he finished.

His mother gasped. “ _Lolek! Lolle… when_?” She asked, obviously trying not to burst into immediate tears. Miranda looked away, and Lolek assumed it was because she felt she was prying. She cast her gaze around, eventually coming to stare at the doodle of the sausage that Lolle had scribbled on the wall. With a twinge, Lolek realized his mother had never had the heart to scrub it away. It had been scrawled on the wall only two days before the Order had taken him and Lolle.

“A bit over a year ago,” Lolek replied in a hollow voice, trying to forget the sausage. In his distraction, he didn’t realize he’d switched back to English. Miranda looked back at him and came to his side, gently prying his mother’s restraining arm from one side and attaching herself there instead. Shaking his mother off, he pulled back a bit.

“Oh, who is this?” His mother asked, noticing Miranda for the first time. She spoke in English, obviously assuming Miranda couldn’t understand.

“This is Miranda Lotto, my girlfriend,” he said, pulling Miranda just a little bit closer. They both blushed a bit.

“ _Oh, Lolek, she’s so beautiful! She’s definitely a keeper!”_ His mother exclaimed, seeming glad for the distraction.

“ _I’m sorry, but I can understand you,_ ” Miranda said, raising a hand slightly.

“Oh, she’s German, too? Lolek, she’s perfect!” His mother continued. Lolek blushed, and his mother had the grace to look slightly abashed.

“I know she’s a keeper, _Mutti_ ,” he said quietly into his mother’s ear as he hugged her again.

“Well, you must stay for lunch,” she insisted, pulling them further into the house.

Miranda opened her mouth, and Lolek pointed at it firmly. “No.”

“But I’m—”

“Don’t say it, Miranda.”

“But—”

“Miranda! You don’t need to.”

“But I’m sorry!” She finally cried. Lolek smiled down at her fondly, shaking his head and placing a kiss on the crown of her head atop her beautiful, dark brown hair. He leaned down, putting his mouth to her ear.

“I loves you,” he whispered so his mother couldn’t hear. Miranda blushed. Lolek did, too.

\---

_December 24, 2013—Allen’s Ark_

It wasn’t a happy day, as much as everyone wanted to pretend it was. The Ark was decked out with stupid streamers, wreaths, and that goddamned _mistletoe_ that Lavi kept wanting to _kiss under._ Yuu sighed and moved on, stalking the more deserted alleyways of the outer city, not particularly wanting company. He’d told Lavi that he was going to train, that he didn’t want company, and that Lavi was, under no circumstance, to follow him. The redhead had been less clingy over the past week or so, for which Yuu was thankful, though he had to admit he missed it. Just a little bit, though. A very tiny, little bit.

It was very hard to be around Lavi, though, because every time Lavi said those three annoying words, Yuu couldn’t say them back, as much as he wanted to. And he did want to. The chains in his mind just wouldn’t budge again, and he felt completely useless fighting against them.

He came across a little alcove with a deep-set windowsill. He meant to pass it, but then he saw Miranda. They had become friends of sorts back when she’d been with—

Yuu didn’t want to think about that, not until he’d found a good place to stew in his misery.

“Oh, Kanda-kun, I didn’t see you there, were you taking a walk around the Ark?” She asked, not looking at him and playing with the simple gold band on her left middle finger. Yuu wondered when she’d moved it there.

“Didn’t really want company,” he said in a low voice.

“Me neither—that’s why I’m hiding,” she responded, sounding as forlorn as he felt.

“Can’t be around your German?” He asked.

“He’s Polish,” Miranda said, smiling wryly at him. Yuu knew how much effort it took for her to even try to crack a joke at this time. Perhaps she was getting better after all?

“Well, I can’t be around my mutt right now, so—”

“I thought you called him your rabbit.”

Yuu thought about it for a second. “That’s true. But he’s a racial mutt—well, today he is, anyway.”

Miranda looked at him questioningly. Yes, she had curiosity. She was definitely healing, although she obviously wasn’t healed completely, or she wouldn’t be here moping—just like him.

“You are funny, Kanda-kun. You always pretend not to care, but you do. I envy you sometimes. You can express yourself so well, even though you try not to.”

Yuu snorted. “No, I can’t.”

“Of course you can. You don’t apologize for every little thing, quite the contr—”

“Not in the way that matters.”

Miranda’s face softened. “Come sit next to me,” she said, gesturing for him to join her on the sill. Uneasily, Yuu sat down. There wasn’t much room, so their shoulders ended up touching. It was okay, though. Yuu could handle that much contact. After Miranda had thrown herself on him, he felt he could survive anything from her.

They sat in silence for a while, just looking into whatever room the window was connected to. Eventually, Miranda cleared her throat. “I think yours will understand,” she said. “Mine… I don’t think I could even tell him.”

“That makes two of us,” Yuu said, snorting almost derisively, though he had meant it to be ironic. Miranda placed a hand on his knee, which was bent toward the ceiling, as they had such little room.

“You still really miss him, don’t you?” He added after a while. Miranda nodded, pain clouding her eyes. It was raw, emotional pain, and though it usually made Yuu uncomfortable, it was okay if it was Miranda. She had been like a sister to him, after all. She still was.

He still remembered the day Tiedoll had—but he didn’t want to think about that. Today was a day about grieving the lost, not remembering petty little snippets of half-forgotten scenes.

“You do, too—both of them,” Miranda stated. Yuu nodded as well, and they lapsed into silence once more. Again, Miranda began playing with the band on her middle finger, twisting at it and running it up and down her finger in a way Yuu had never seen before.

“Yes,” he said. It was the first time he’d ever admitted it, even though they’d died years ago.

He heard a shifting of fabric from somewhere far away, and when he looked in his peripheral vision, he saw Miranda’s German. He decided it was time to take his leave. He’d need somewhere else to angst. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

“You’re much more sociable again—I’m glad you seem to be getting better. That’s how Marie would have wanted it,” he said, walking off. He passed Lolek, giving him nothing more than a cursory nod, and decided that it was rabbit hunting time. Perhaps he needed someone to grieve with, too. And if Lavi got too annoying, Yuu would throw him out the window with his new orange carpet.

\---

_December 24, 2013—Allen’s Ark_

“You still really miss him, don’t you?” Kanda-kun asked her, his voice raw with an emotion Miranda had never heard from him before. It was for this reason that she really appreciated his relationship with Lavi. Never before had he been so… open, and it was very good for him. She hoped he continued on this path. It would do him well. Years ago, he never would have asked about her well-being.

“You do, too—both of them,” Miranda told him. She had seen his face when they’d found out, she’d seen how it had shut down completely, all thoughts of a scowl lost in his all-encompassing grief. Though Kanda-kun said he trusted no one, she knew deep down that he was lying to himself. He had obviously trusted and possibly loved his General and Noise very, very much.

She continued to play with the simple golden band around her left middle finger. She hadn’t been able to force herself to put it on her right, so she’d had it resized, just slightly, in order to hold on to it. It was one of the many things of their time together that she still couldn’t let go of.

“Yes,” Kanda-kun replied, his voice hoarse. She wondered if he was holding back the emotion that really wanted to come out. It was alright to do that, though, since he’d gotten so much better.

Suddenly, she felt Kanda-kun shift, and he actually placed a hand on her shoulder. It was the first contact between them that he’d ever initiated, though it wasn’t the first one he’d allowed. Miranda’s heart stirred guiltily as she remembered how she’d clung to the reluctant boy back when it had happened.

“You’re much more sociable again—I’m glad you seem to be getting better.” It was Kanda-kun’s voice, and at first, Miranda couldn’t believe she was hearing his words correctly. She wanted to apologize and ask him politely to say it again, but he continued on. His words were no lies to her ears. “That’s how Marie would have wanted it,” he concluded, and he walked off. Miranda followed him with her eyes, stunned at his admission of compassion. Yes, his relationship with Lavi was _very good_ for him. Her eyes widened a bit when she saw his company, though. Lolek, the man she’d been avoiding, was there, and he was staring at her in disbelief, his sparkling blue eyes shining with hurt.

He approached as if shocked, as if he had seen something completely forbidden. “You…? And Kanda?” He asked, his voice dry.

Miranda stared blankly. _What?_ She didn’t understand. Should she ask him to say it again?

“Miranda, you’re… with Kanda?” He clarified, dumbfounded.

Miranda couldn’t help it. She laughed. “That’s ridiculous, Lolek!” She chuckled, waving a hand at him. As always, Lolek could make her laugh, even when she was at her most miserable.

“Then what were you two doing out here, alone?” He demanded, now sounding quite angry.

“Well, as you said, everyone has a day that they deserve to be sad,” Miranda said, sobering. As usual, Lolek had made her forget her sorrows, but today she didn’t want that.

Her comment stopped Lolek short, though, and he paused when he was only a meter from the windowsill where Miranda sat. “Wha—Miranda, what are you talking about?” He asked, moving forward again until he was towering over her.

Miranda didn’t look at him. “We both have a reason to be sad today. We met by coincidence. Kanda-kun… was just trying to cheer me up, in his own way. He’s like my brother—or, well, my brother-in-law, though that never happened.” She grimaced sadly, and a tear fell from her eye.

“In-law?” Lolek staggered back a step, but Miranda reached out, breaking her hunched-over position, and pulled him back. She suddenly needed his presence very, very much. “I don’t understand. Kanda doesn’t have any siblings, does he?”

Miranda chuckled mirthlessly. “I was engaged to Noise Marie, who was like a brother to him. He, along with General Tiedoll, were the two people he trusted the most. When they both died—today is the anniversary—it was a big blow for us both.”

“En… engaged?” Lolek stammered. He sat on the edge of the sill, looking somewhat blanched.

With slow movements, Miranda twisted the ring until it slid off her finger. Without a noise, she placed it in front of her on the windowsill, offering it to him with a silent promise: I no longer dwell on it.

Lolek looked down at the ring and then back up to her, eyebrows knitted and eyes terribly confused. “I don’t…”

“Noise and I had a good time. I really loved him. But he’s not here anymore, and you are, and I _loves_ you now,” Miranda said, looking straight into Lolek’s blue eyes.

He breathed an almost invisible sigh that Miranda almost missed. “Will you tell me about it?” He asked cautiously, and Miranda nodded.

\---

_The first time they’d kissed had been a miracle unto itself. Noise was a shy man, a man of few words, and Miranda was far too timid to take matters into her own hands. But it had happened, and that was all that had mattered. It didn’t take them long to start sneaking out of the Order at night for secret dates. Akuma never attacked them—they wore street clothes. On the occasion that they would be attacked, they both had their Innocence at the ready. It wasn’t a shock when they both fell in love. They were a perfect team, flawless and determined. They brought each other out of their shells, and Miranda herself gained confidence. People had called them the perfect couple, had smiled down at them with knowing expressions._

_Noise led her down the corridor and up to the secret room they had found. They entered quietly and closed the door behind them. Miranda gasped as she viewed the room. The interior was decorated with a spread of candles and a small table, lit similarly. It was far different from the blank room they used every other night, despite the simplicity of its décor. It felt warmer, more inviting, and almost heart-breakingly romantic._

_They ate a quiet dinner. They were both quiet individuals naturally, so this wasn’t uncommon. Still, Miranda felt that they ate in a very comfortable silence, just as was usual._

_At the end of the dinner, Noise seemed to get nervous, but as Miranda got up, he seemed to steel his nerve. He reached out for her hand with the one that was missing two fingers. He looked—or rather faced, as he couldn’t actually see—at her and gently swept a piece of hair away from her face. And then he got down on one knee, and Miranda knew what was coming next. Her heart swelled with joy._

_“M-Miranda, will you… after this all over… come with me and maybe… marry me?”_

_“I will_ definitely— _”_

_“_ Che. _Tiedoll’s going to have a field day,” said a sarcastic voice from the door. Looking over, horrified, Miranda saw Kanda-kun standing in the open door frame, a mat beneath one arm and a hateful look on his face._

_“I’m sorry!!” Miranda said, pulling her hand from Noise’s in order to bow low to the young man who’d just entered. She felt strong arms pull her back into an equally strong chest._

_“Don’t apologize to that immature brat, Miranda. I can tell he’s really happy.”_

_“_ Che. _I’m just a bit surprised.”_

_“Everyone in the Order knows about—”_

_“I’m not an idiot, Marie, I know that. I’m just surprised to see you in the room I use to meditate. Get out. Go tell Tiedoll or something, just leave,” Kanda-kun ordered._

_“I didn’t even get her answer—which is your fault,” Marie grunted, sounding annoyed._

_“Yes, you did, or are you deaf, too?” Kanda-kun countered. Miranda looked back and forth between the fighting pair. They were acting just like brothers. It was cute, almost. Miranda hadn’t realized this relationship before._

_“Well, I’m apparently going to have Kanda-kun as my brother-in-law, then,” Miranda chirped, trying to smile despite Kanda-kun’s terrifying glare._

_Noise’s smile was worth every word._

\---

“But we didn’t stay happy. I mean, we did, but then he died. On December twenty-fourth, in ’87, they died. It may be ancient history to you, but to me, this is the third year since then. After you love someone that much, it tears you apart when they die. You know, Kanda-kun let me cry on him that day?”

Lolek made an interested noise. He hadn’t thought that Kanda actually had a good side in him for anyone besides Lavi. Even if he’d just thought that Kanda and Miranda had been having an affair. It sounded ridiculous, looking at it now, but he’d never seen Kanda be kind to Miranda before—not like that—so he’d jumped to a stupid conclusion.

“Well, actually, it was a week later. Before that, it just hadn’t hit. Even at the funeral, it hadn’t—I just didn’t really comprehend that he was gone until… until New Years, when I realized we wouldn’t be… together anymore,” Miranda confessed. Lolek pulled her closer as tears started forming and falling in rapid succession. She cried into his chest for a long time.

“I feel the same way,” Lolek admitted. “About Lolle, I mean. I still feel like she’ll just walk around the corner, smiling in that way she always did, and say, ‘hey, Lolek, you sausage!’”

Miranda choked out a guffaw. “Sau—sausage?” She asked, horrified.

Lolek chuckled a bit himself. “Yeah, it’s ‘cause one time, when we were kids, I ate thirty sausages in one sitting. She joked that I’d turn into one if I kept eating them. Then the entire family started calling me that.”

“So that explains the doodle of the sausage on the wall…” Miranda wondered aloud.

“Yeah,” Lolek said, grinning sadly. “Lolle drew it a couple days before we were taken by—”

And then the levee broke, and her death hit Lolek with the force of a tsunami. But Miranda was there, and he used her as his anchor, his lighthouse, until the worst of the storm had passed over.

\---

A knock echoed into the room, raising Lavi from a dazed sleep. He blinked a couple times, trying to jostle the haze of dreams away. Sitting up slowly, he squinted at the door. It was still strange for Lavi to awaken to a perpetually sunny and warm room, even in the depths of winter.

“Lavi, Kanda-kun!” Lenalee called, knocking again.

“Comin’,” Lavi groaned, pulling back the sheets and putting on the nearest pair of pants that he was sure belonged to him—he’d once accidentally thrown Yuu’s on, and that had not been pleasant. For either of them. Opening the door, he saw the Chinese girl’s smiling face. She was carrying a large pile of laundry that was dwarfing her slim form.

“Oh, hey, Lavi!” She said cheerfully. “I have Kanda-kun’s laundry here. I’m doing your load next, so if you just wait an hour or two, I’ll have yours, too. Would you mind putting those away for me, though?”

Lavi nodded. Lenalee and a couple of the soldiers had taken over the laundry after the loss of the cleaning staff, most of whom hadn’t joined them on the Ark. They were very efficient, and they got it done in a timely fashion, something Lavi wasn’t used to. It was definitely better than having to do them himself.

Grabbing the clothes from Lenalee, he threw them on the bed and began to sort them out. He didn’t know which drawers held which of Yuu’s clothes. Actually, that was a lie. He grabbed all of Yuu’s tight, clean-smelling shirts and refolded them before placing them in the top drawer. In the second drawer, he added a fair amount of pants. The underwear he left alone, simply because Yuu would kill him, lover or not, for touching them. He had some socks left over, though. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know where Yuu got his socks from, which was surprising in itself. He opened the bottom drawer just to see. But they weren’t there.

There was nothing in the bottom drawer.

Except the Lotus Flower. Lavi looked at it without meaning to. Yuu had put it away, claiming it ruined the atmosphere of the room and that he didn’t want to be reminded of his mortality. But something about its appearance was off. Inspecting it more closely, he saw immediately what the problem was. Three and a half almost-pink petals drooped a little on the stem of the withering Lotus Flower. But that was wrong. Looking it over again, Lavi recounted. But the result was the same. Yuu had told him there were four left.

Closing the drawer and sitting on the bed, Lavi thought. This meant that Yuu was either unaware of this change or that he was lying to Lavi. Judging by how more scars still hadn’t appeared since the head injury, Lavi felt inclined to choose the latter, though he really didn’t want to. The idea of Yuu lying to him was so ridiculous, so outrageous that it couldn’t possibly be true. Could it?

Yuu walked in, scowling and looking particularly surly. It could. He sat down on the bed next to Lavi and collapsed onto him, resting a tired head on Lavi’s shoulder. Lavi stiffened. He hadn’t thought through it all yet. He didn’t want to make false allegations. On the other hand, though, if he was right…

But the fact remained that he _didn’t want to be right._ If Yuu was lying about this, it was very likely that he was hiding something else, too. Lavi was scared. For the first time in a very long time, Lavi felt fear, and it was the worst kind of dread, wondering if his lover was being honest or not. He didn’t mention it, though. He simply held Yuu until the man stood up and muttered something about wanting to get dinner.

Lavi didn’t notice Yuu’s strange look at him as he got up. He was too worried about the implications of what he had seen. He could barely concentrate on the present at all, let alone stay as observant as he usually was. He stumbled once on the way to the cafeteria, eliciting a look that he saw this time. He smiled at Yuu, though he knew it didn’t reach his eyes. He was still thinking.

They ate in silence, something unusual for them, but Yuu didn’t seem particularly talkative either, so Lavi didn’t think it was that much of a problem. As they were walking back, though, Lavi’s thoughts lined up, and he suddenly needed to express himself.

“Yuu, you don’t lie to me, right?” He asked, and Yuu tensed, his gait pausing for just a moment.

“No, Lavi. The only times I lie are when I’m trying to hide my emotions. You know that,” Yuu said dismissively, but Lavi still had that nagging feeling.

“Then why are there only three and a half petals on the Lotus Flower?” Lavi countered. Yuu froze completely this time and wheeled around to stare at Lavi, anger masking his usual expression.

“You looked in my drawer?” He hissed in silent fury. Lavi flinched but didn’t back down. Yuu had given the wrong response. His eyes hadn’t widened in panic, his expression hadn’t become intensely worried, and he hadn’t run straight for the room, just to check. Instead, he was angry that Lavi had _looked in his drawer_ , of all things.

“Well, I was putting away your laundry,” Lavi said, not mentioning his conclusion. Yuu seemed to note, a second too late, that he should have reacted differently. His face turned to an obviously acted shock. His eyes widened, but his pupils didn’t dilate. He ran to the room, but it was too slow to be reality. Lavi jogged after him. He could only think one thing: _why?_

He entered the room, where Yuu was sitting on the ground, drawer open, hourglass in hand. He stared at it angrily, another bad sign. He should have been absolutely panicked.

“Why did you lie, Yuu?” Lavi asked softly. Yuu balked but didn’t look up at him.

“I didn’t,” he whispered unconvincingly. Lavi was starting to get angry.

“Yuu,” Lavi said, and that was all that was needed. The Japanese man put the Lotus back in and kicked the drawer shut. He stood up and stared Lavi down.

“Because I don’t want you worrying!” He shouted. He sounded… desperate? Lavi blinked. He hadn’t been expecting that answer.

“You should just tell me the truth!” Lavi insisted, his own voice raising a bit despite his surprise. Yuu shook his head, a gesture that threw Lavi off balance again.

“I don’t want you to know that I’m going to die!” He half screamed. In his voice was a pain so raw, so uncensored, that Lavi actually took a step back.

“You think you’re going to die?” He whispered to himself, shocked. He looked down at the floor, staring at his feet, and then gazed back at Yuu. “You promised you would tell me. Yuu, what else have you been lying to me about?”

“Nothing!” The other man insisted, but his word was empty. He was lying.

“Well, it’s obvious you didn’t train today like you told me you were. Where did you go?” Lavi asked. It wasn’t that he thought Yuu was cheating or anything—that was impossible, he wasn’t that kind of man—but the fact that Yuu was hiding things from him when he’d been a complete open book was distressing to him. More than distressing. It was painful.

“A walk,” Yuu responded curtly, looking away. Lavi leaned forward and grabbed his wrist, probably a bit too tightly, judging by the way the other man flinched— _flinched_ —back. His eyes were panicked for a second, and Lavi knew he’d unwittingly reminded Yuu of his father. Again.

“A walk? That’s all? Just fucking tell me, Yuu! I just want to know!” Lavi was yelling before he even realized it.

“I don’t have to tell you everything. Can’t I have a moment alone?” It was a fair enough request, if Lavi thought about it, but he was beyond logic and reason right now. It felt like a rebuke, it stung like one.

“I’m just worried—”

“See, that’s what I didn’t want!” Yuu was starting to breathe heavily, and like Lavi had just done, he had his hands fisted at his sides.

“So you _lied?_ ” Lavi screamed.

“Yes!” Yuu admitted in a screech. Lavi stepped back again, shocked that Yuu had admitted it. He looked down at the ground and continued, much quieter and in an almost broken voice, “I don’t want… you to be… worried about me. I’m not… worth it.”

“The fuck you aren’t,” Lavi dismissed. “What else have you been lying about, Yuu? Is that why you won’t tell me you love me?”

Yuu froze completely for nearly a minute. He began to shake, and when he finally looked up, his glare was simultaneously lava hot and icy cold. “Leave the room. Now. Before I do something I’ll regret.”

“With pleasure,” Lavi snarled, turning on his heel and storming out of the room.

\---

It took him all of five minutes to regret how he’d left, but he just couldn’t bring himself to go back. He was so angry, and he couldn’t go to Lenalee. She would be the one Yuu went to, and angry as Lavi was, he didn’t want to take away the Japanese man’s one alternative outlet, should he be strong enough to take it.

He walked to Amanda’s room. She would understand. She acted, she made faux smiles; she _knew_ what it was like to be empty. She also knew what it was like to be in love. He didn’t know when it had happened, but Lavi had extended a hand of friendship to her and instead of shaking it, she’d winked and hugged him instead. Metaphorically speaking, obviously. He knocked on her door, and when she answered, he must have looked awful, because she turned to face the inside of the room and yelled, “Darcy, out!”

Darcy appeared a moment later in a garish pink bathrobe that was several sizes too small for him. He shuffled out of the room, looking depressed, but when he saw Lavi, he, too, sobered. He sighed and, shaking his head, walked off, probably to hide in his own room.

“Lavi, what happened?” Amanda asked, concerned, as he walked in.

“Yuu lied,” he whispered in a haunted voice. He hadn’t meant it to come out that way.

“Wait—what?” She sounded confused.

“He… about the Lotus, he lied. Amanda, he only has three and a half petals left! He’s going to die!” Abruptly, tears leaked from his eyes, and he batted at them, annoyed at their presence.

She hugged him, pulling him into her chest. Which was awkward. Not that Lavi didn’t appreciate a nice chest on a woman, but he just didn’t want to inhale it. He did prefer guys, after all. “I’m guessing you had a fight,” she said in a soothing voice. Lavi nodded into her cleavage. “You wanna stay in here for a while?” She offered him. Lavi nodded again.

It was nice, he decided, having his face pillowed on Amanda’s chest, having her there to listen as she slowly threaded her hands through his hair. It reminded him vaguely of something a mother might do, listening to a troubled child. His hadn’t done this, though. Still, it was a very nice feeling.

“Amanda?” Miranda’s voice called in. Lavi stirred against Amanda.

“Come on in!” Amanda shouted back.

“Oh, what’s Lavi doing here?” Miranda’s voice said. Lavi couldn’t see her, but from the way she moved and the way her voice sounded like cranberries identified her for him.

“He and Kanda had a fight,” Amanda explained, and her chest vibrated with her speech against Lavi’s ear.

“You guys had a fight _today?_ ” Miranda exclaimed a worried tone to her cranberry flavored voice. “Was it about Tiedoll and Noise?”

Lavi looked up at her for the first time. “What do they have to do with anything?” He asked blankly, eyebrows lowered questioningly.

“Oh—you weren’t there,” Miranda said, epiphany lighting her face. “Today’s the anniversary of their deaths.”

Lavi felt like he’d had his heart ripped out by Tyki. “That’s why Yuu went for a walk,” he whispered, horrified. “He wouldn’t be able to meditate if his mind is too active, he wouldn’t want to train or be around anyone… _goddamn it! I’m a fucking asshole!_ ” He pushed himself lightly away from Amanda and sped out of the room, each step violently jostling his aching chest.

When he got back to the room, though, Yuu wasn’t there.

\---

There was only one fact that mattered to him: Lavi hated him. He’d left the room with a snarl in his voice and violence in his steps. Lavi didn’t like being lied to. He’d spent his entire life lying. Yuu thought Lavi was just tired of all the dishonesty. He never should have lied. But how else could he protect Lavi from the aching worry that would invariably set into his very bones if he knew that Yuu wouldn’t survive the war. Even if he did, three and a half petals—or less, as they still didn’t know when they’d find the Earl, if they ever would—wouldn’t be enough to allow him a long life. There was also the added worry of how quickly it was wilting now. Never before had petals wilted in half before they left the flower, but now they did. Never before had it drooped so low, looked so sickly, but now it did. Was the spell weakening? Was _he_ weakening?

He didn’t even bother knocking on Lenalee’s door. He couldn’t possibly be interrupting something since _Moyashi_ was such a coward. He was right. The Chinese girl he was seeking was sitting on the bed next to _Moyashi_ , who had his arm around her. They were talking quietly to each other, probably about something ordinary and insignificant, like _Moyashi_ being hungry. He ignored them and sat against the footboard of the bed. The floor was cold. He didn’t like cold floors. He began to shake.

“Allen.” Lenalee’s voice was very far away. Yuu missed the rest of what she said; the sounds came out as garbled mistranslations.

Yuu was probably imagining it, but there were footsteps a moment later.

“Kanda-kun,” a voice said next to him. It was Lenalee, right? He’d come to see Lenalee, after all. “Kanda-kun, will you tell me what’s wrong?”

Yuu couldn’t. Everything was wrong; it would take too long to explain. He felt a hand fall lightly onto his arm, a feathery, almost spidery-light touch. He didn’t want to ignore it, so slowly, slowly; he looked over and saw Lenalee sitting on the cold floor next to him.

“He’s going to leave me,” he breathed. The one thought he’d been trying to hide. He loved Lavi, honestly, desperately, too much, and Lavi was going to leave him because he couldn’t say it, because he had _lied_. His mother had always told him that lying was bad.

“Kanda-kun, what are you talking about?” Lenalee asked, scooting over so that she was just a little bit closer. Yuu shuddered away, but he didn’t want to. He actually wanted to move closer. _Why_ couldn’t he ever follow his true emotions? Lavi was leaving him because of it! “Lavi would never leave you. He’s… you guys… with the… you guys are a really good couple. Whatever you think you did, Lavi won’t leave you for it. I think that even if you killed everyone important to him—besides yourself—he’d still be with you.”

Those were the words he needed to hear, but they were also the words that he couldn’t stand to hear, because they simply couldn’t be _true_. Just like the lie he’d told.

“But I lied,” he breathed. Lenalee moved her hand to his shoulder, scooting closer again.

“Then apologize,” she said. Yuu was grateful she hadn’t pried anymore. It would have hurt too much to explain.

“But he’ll leave me,” he insisted, still in that quiet, breathy voice that was just below a whisper.

“He won’t. Kanda-kun—Yuu-kun—he won’t leave you. Ever. It’s like me and Allen. Allen would never desert me. Lavi won’t desert you, either.”

Yuu shifted. He’d never before heard Lenalee call him by his first name. The thing that struck him the most was that he didn’t mind. Normally, he hated it when people called him Yuu, simply because they didn’t _know_ him. Lenalee _did_ know him, though, so it didn’t really surprise him that much. He turned to face her, and this time, he could nudge himself forward a little. Lenalee extended her arm so that it was resting on his opposite shoulder, and Yuu leaned down until the crown of his head was nestled against her neck.

“I’m… scared,” he admitted, so quietly he thought Lenalee wouldn’t hear at all. She did, though.

“I know, but sometimes things in life are scary. Don’t worry, though, because things will definitely be alright,” she said soothingly, squeezing his shoulder just a little bit and pulling him closer. She was speaking as a mother to her child. Yuu missed that tone, “Yuu-kun, you’ve become so strong. I remember when you first came to the Order. Your eyes were so flat. They frightened me. I couldn’t understand what you went through, and I still can’t, but I know what pain is like. The light in your eyes is finally beginning to show, and it’s all because of Lavi. Go back to your room and apologize. I’m sure he’ll understand. By tomorrow morning, you’ll be chasing him around while he’s got that wide grin on, and he’ll taunt you, and you’ll call him ‘ _Baka Usagi_ ,’ just like you always do. It’s going to be okay. You love him, don’t you?”

Yuu hesitated and then nodded infinitesimally.

“Will you tell him, one day?” Lenalee asked. Yuu was struck at how everyone but the stupid rabbit realized he couldn’t say it. “‘Love is blind,’ that’s what everyone says. Perhaps Lavi can’t see that you love him, but if someone pointed it out to him—and that someone doesn’t have to be you—he could probably see it. Just be patient. He really can be an idiot sometimes.”

She smiled, and Yuu found the strength to stand up, pulling Lenalee with him. Without realizing he was doing it, without meaning to, he hugged her tightly, pulling her head to lay on his chest.

“Kanda… Yuu-kun?” She asked.

“Thank… you,” he whispered into her hair before letting her go and leaving the room. He thought that maybe she stared after him owlishly, but he didn’t look back to check. Lenalee was right, Lavi would see it eventually, even if he couldn’t tell him, Lavi would forgive him if he apologized. There had never been a time when he hadn’t. Then again, there’d never been a time when he’d actually apologized. Perhaps that in itself was the problem.

When he got back to the room, the door was closed, but he heard loud breathing inside. It didn’t sound angry, though, so he knocked softly on the door. He never knocked on doors. Belatedly, he realized he should announce himself.

“Lavi, it’s me, please let me in. I’m sorry, please… let me in.” When had he started using polite words like “please?” When had he started begging? But that wasn’t begging. No, this time it was. And he didn’t mind. He leaned against the door, putting his palms to it and then his head. He wanted to hear Lavi better.

There was no response. Lavi was still mad at him, then. “Let me in, it’s my fault.” He was surprised it didn’t hurt his pride to apologize. He heard footsteps, and then the door swung in, and he was on the floor. Lavi knelt down in front of him, having not fallen to the floor with Yuu, and simply looked at him.

“How can you say it’s your fault? I’m such an asshole, Yuu—I’m so sorry. I didn’t—it’s part of the time I don’t remember, and you’ve never acted this way on the twenty-fourth before, so I was confused.” Blinking, Yuu realized Lavi was talking about Tiedoll and Noise.

“ _Che_ ,” he said, surprised he could still make the noise but holding onto it like a lifeline. “There was never any time to.”

“Yuu, please… let’s just forget this ever happened. It’s not that important—”

“You don’t trust me anymore.” It was a statement, and from the look on Lavi’s face when Yuu looked up, it was true.

“No, I—”

“Don’t you lie, too. Lavi, I’m sorry, this entire thing is my fault. Will you… forgive me?” He implored, staring deeply into the redhead’s too-green eye with desperation. Lavi looked taken aback.

“Yuu… I just… let me know, okay? You aren’t lying about anything else, right? I’ll believe you if you answer me,” Lavi said, though Yuu didn’t have much faith in that statement.

“I don’t lie to you, I’ve told you before. The only thing I’ve ever lied about to you was the Lotus Flower. I didn’t… want you to know. It would break you to know,” Yuu answered slowly, softly.

Lavi nodded. “The other thing I want to know is… are you not saying you love me because you don’t?” There was so much vulnerability in his face, voice, and eye that Yuu almost couldn’t be angry. Almost.

“That’s not it,” he muttered, looking away. “I… _can’t_.”

“What do you mean, ‘you can’t?’” Lavi asked in a curious voice. His tone was in no way accusing.

“I just… I _can’t_. The words, they won’t come out,” Yuu tried to explain.

“I don’t understand,” Lavi said, lowering an eyebrow in utter confusion.

“They’re stuck in my head.”

“Why, though?” Lavi asked.

Yuu forced himself to say it. Lavi would understand, right? “If I say it, I’ll betray you.”

Lavi blinked. “I don’t follow.”

“If I say it and I die, that would be betraying you. I don’t want… to do that. I… my entire life is filled with betrayals. I don’t want to make another one.”

“Are you referring to—” Lavi began, but Yuu wasn’t finished yet.

“When my father told me that, he betrayed it by raping, beating, and torturing me. When he told my _mother_ that, he betrayed her by raping, beating, and torturing us both. He betrayed us every time he hurt us. If I say that and hurt you, I’m the same as him,” he explained, not looking at Lavi at all.

A punch hit him hard in the jaw, and he looked back, horrified. Lavi’s expression was utterly livid. “That’s it!? You think you’re like him? You’re comparing yourself to _him?_ I’m tired of the comparisons, Yuu! I’m tired of walking around on eggshells, unsure if I’m going to hurt you with my words or actions! Every time I make you remember something like that, thus hurting you, are you comparing _me_ to him? Is that what it is, Yuu?”

Suddenly, the physical blow didn’t feel so bad. It felt like he’d just been punched in the heart. “No,” he choked out, horrified. How could Lavi think that? “I’ve never—you’re nothing like—like _him_.”

“How, Yuu, if I’m hurting you, too?” Lavi shouted.

“Because you’re not! You… it’s _okay_ when I’m with you, I can _feel_ those things! I’m _allowed_ to scream and touch and _feel good!_ You’ve _never_ been like him! _Ever!_ You can’t betray me like that! It’s impossible!”

“Then how would you be betraying me, Yuu? You’re saying that I can’t hurt you like that, like he did, so I can’t betray you. But you know that there would never be a case or scenario where you would torture or abuse me, and I would _never_ call our physical relationship _rape_ ,” Lavi insisted. But somehow, it wasn’t the same. Yuu said as much.

“How? _How_ is it not the same?” Lavi questioned, his voice echoing too loudly throughout the room. It assaulted Yuu’s ears and made him flinch. Lavi took it the wrong way. “I can’t hurt you, but you can hurt me? It doesn’t work that way!”

“It’s not the same because I… it’s not physical, it’s _emotional_. I can break you _emotionally_! Fuck, Lavi, you don’t even know how screwed up you are!?”

“I fucking know I’m screwed up! No one’s ever loved me! Not my parents, not Bookman, not _you_. Can you understand what that does to someone?”

“You talk like I don’t know what it’s like not to be loved. My father—”

“And there we are, back to him! I know he’s on your thoughts a lot, but you had a fucking _mother_ , Yuu! She _loved_ you and _took care of you_ when you were hurt! I _never_ had that! The closest thing I had was Bookman asking me if I thought I would live after I got shot and the shrapnel hit my eye! And Yuu, you’re screwed up, too, so don’t just leave me alone in that category!”

“I wasn’t going to! But I… I… lo—argh!” Yuu fisted his hands in his hair, not entirely sure if he was trying to rip it out or not.

“What, Yuu, you _what?_ ” Lavi insisted, coming too close, placing cold hands too tightly on his wrists. The subject of his father was too close at hand, and Yuu flinched back unintentionally.

“I’m trying to say that I—I… I…” He stared straight into Lavi’s green eye. He could force it out, he could bypass the chains that were staying so strong and heavy over his feelings as the fight went on. But he couldn’t. His eyes teared up slightly, though he didn’t really care. He wanted—no, he _needed_ —to tell Lavi. He needed to tell Lavi that he _loved_ him.

Lavi sighed several times in frustration, cutting Yuu off. “You know what,” Lavi exclaimed angrily, throwing his hands up as if in defeat, “I can’t _take_ this anymore!”

He left the room, storming out just like before, but this time, he slammed the door behind him, putting a lid on Yuu’s hopes as he did so.

Lavi had left him. This time it was real. Lavi was gone. Forever.

\---

The redhead was bawling by the time he’d gotten to Amanda’s room. He loved Yuu, but he was _so confused_. What the Japanese man was saying hadn’t made any sense at all. It had sounded like he’d been trying to say the words at the end of the argument, but Lavi just wasn’t sure anymore. Everything was so confusing, and he didn’t understand it at all. Yuu _couldn’t_ say it? They were only three, tiny words! Lavi said them all the time. Sure, he imagined the memory of Yuu’s father still haunted him—Yuu still woke up screaming at least once a week—but the thought of betrayal was just so outrageous, so ridiculous, that he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. How could Yuu _ever_ betray him? It was an impossibility. Like dividing by zero.

Once again, he knocked on Amanda’s door. She answered, looking annoyed. “What are you doing back here?” She asked, sounding testy. Lavi wondered vaguely if she was on her period, but as he peered in, he figured that couldn’t be the case, since Darcy was putting on the bathrobe again. And he was very naked under it. Lavi couldn’t force himself to be scarred, though, because he was too confused. Nothing made sense. He needed someone to explain it to him. Amanda would understand; she would tell him.

“Yuu… I’m… confused… Amanda, help me!” He threw himself in her arms. She froze in seeming shock but put her arms around him, backing up and leading him into the room.

“Darcy, I’m sorry, hon, but can you get out again? I promise we’ll… well, yeah.” Lavi felt her gesture to him, probably with a helpless expression, and Darcy got the message.

“Fine. Just… I’m gonna stay outside, so call me in when you’re done, okay?” He asked.

When the door was closed, Lavi put his head on Amanda’s shoulder and continued crying, harder than before. He sobbed so hard his body shook and shuddered in what would have been a wanton way had this been any other situation. Or with anyone else. Preferably Yuu.

But that thought hurt him and brought back the confusion, so he sobbed harder, pushing it away into the Bookman side of his mind. Maybe he would analyze it subconsciously there, but it wasn’t looking likely.

Finally, Amanda pushed him back, glaring. “Lavi, whatever the fuck happened, I don’t care. Just tell me why the fuck you’re crying like a little girl.”

The tears that she had startled away—that had probably been her aim—leaked down his cheeks again, though they were no longer forceful in their expulsion from his body. He leaned back down on her, explaining, “I’m so confused,” he said. “Yuu is… he won’t say it. I was okay waiting, but he says he _can’t_ , and I’m so confused because I don’t think he could ever betray me.”

Amanda pushed him back again, staring at him in acute bewilderment. “I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about, Lavi. Could you try being a bit more specific?”

Slowly, Lavi recounted the whole situation to Amanda, repeating the fight word-for-word. When he got to the very end, when Yuu had been trying to say something, Amanda cut him off. “Lavi,” she said, slapping him across the cheek. “You. Are. The world’s. Biggest. _Idiot!_ ” She exclaimed, slapping him again between each break. Lavi’s head went back and forth, still swimming with questions. His cheeks hurt.

“Huh?” He asked eloquently, not having the thought process for any larger, more explicit words.

“He was trying to tell you, you dolt! And it doesn’t matter anyway, because he tells you every time he looks at you, if you’d only see!” She slapped him again, this time lighter than the others. Lavi’s head still went flying, regardless.

“Huh?” Lavi repeated.

“Lavi, did it ever occur to you that he _can’t_ say it?” Amanda screamed, raising her hand back as if for another strike, although she mercifully left it in the air. “You know he can’t express things. I don’t know what the fuck happened to him before the Order, but those scars are gnarly. They… well, honestly, wouldn’t _you_ have trouble getting over that? He screamed in his sleep while we were at the White House, and the Japanese Prime Minister translated for us. Whatever the fuck his father did to him, abuse like that takes _time_ to get over, not just a few years. He’ll be living like that for the rest of his life. Sure, he’s better than he was before—anyone with eyes can see that—and that’s because you’re there with him. Love heals, Lavi, and he’d have to be pretty whipped to heal that much. You were out of line with those comments. I understand you were angry, but… that’s just too far, Lavi. You should go back and apologize. Profusely.”

Darcy ran into the room at the end of Amanda’s tirade. He looked alarmed. “Amanda, Lenalee was just here. She went into the room to check on Kanda because she’d heard screaming, and he hadn’t come out. He’s… nonresponsive. Allen’s been baiting him, but he’s still not reacting at all. Lenalee’s convinced that Lavi left him or something, since he mentioned to her before that he was _scared_ he would.”

Lavi’s head perked up. Leave him? Why would he ever…?

Another slap bruised his cheek. “What did you say to him?” Amanda yelled. “You must be leaving something out! What did you say?”

Lavi blinked. “I was so confused that I couldn’t stand it, so I said I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

Amanda froze, her hand in midair again. “What did you say?” She asked urgently, angrily. “Lavi, _what did you say?_ ” She grabbed his face between her hands, staring him deeply in the eye.

“I said, ‘I can’t take it anymore.’ What does that have to—”

Amanda didn’t slap him this time. She just looked at him with a cold fury that made Lavi much more nervous. “How exactly did you say it? Repeat it to me. _Right. Now._ ”

“‘I can’t _take_ it anymore.’ Why is that—oh, shit.”

“No wonder he thinks you left him! You said you slammed the door, too? Holy shit! Holy fucking barrel of monkeys rolling down a hill! Get your ass back there! You probably killed him!” She made to punch him, but Lavi was already gone, sprinting through the alleyways like a lunatic.

Maybe he was raving, maybe he was insane, but right now, none of that mattered. Right now, he needed to get to Yuu.

\---

Yuu was sitting against the side of the bed, one leg outstretched and the other bent up to the ceiling. He had an arm over his eyes, and his head was back against the mattress. He was sitting absolutely still; even his breathing was shallow, nearly unmoving. Carefully, Lavi walked through the room, sitting down in front of his lover.

“Damn, Yuu, I’m so sorry, please wake up,” he pleaded quietly, raising the arm from the man’s face. He gasped in surprise when he saw a silent tear cascade down Yuu’s equally silent cheek. Lavi reached forward and tenderly wiped it away. He leaned down and placed a kiss on the eye that had wept.

“Please wake up for me. I’m not leaving you. I love you,” Lavi pleaded, not caring how desperate his voice sounded. He stood up and heaved the other man’s dead weight onto the bed, laying him straight out. Yuu didn’t move, didn’t make that characteristic curling-up motion and turn to face away from him, showing him the most explicit form of trust. Yuu did not move, he simply stared, unseeing, at the ceiling. He gave no indication that he’d been moved at all. It was like they were back to August again, and Yuu was lying despondent after he’d thought Lavi to be dead.

But perhaps, Lavi thought, it was worse this time, because he’d thought Lavi had _left_ him. Lavi himself knew that it would be infinitely more painful to know that Yuu didn’t want to be with him than to have him dead. At least, if Yuu was dead, he would be sure of the other man’s affections.

“What have I done? Yuu, please wake up! I’m serious, I don’t want you to die! If you give up, I’ll fucking kill you. Please, _please_ wake up!” Lavi pleaded, not surprised to find tears blurring his vision and choking his words. He tried everything. He punched Yuu, slapped him, kissed him, hugged him, but nothing worked. Nothing at all.

He lay down next to Yuu, pulling the other man’s very still form—which was thankfully still breathing—into his arms. He didn’t dare lie on top of the other man for fear of crushing what little breaths he was taking.

Japanese might work, maybe. The thought hit him, and hopelessly, Lavi began to mumble an incoherent string of strangled pleas and apologies. Interspersed throughout them all was the repeated phrase, “ _aishiteru._ ”

Yuu did not stir immediately, but after a while, his breathing became stronger, and when Lavi checked, his heartbeat was strong. He knew that he’d almost killed the dark-haired man, thrown him into an irreversible coma. Yuu groaned nearly too softly to hear a few hours later, and by the morning, his eyes were moving rapidly beneath his eyelids with dreams. Lavi hoped they were good, but he knew they weren’t.

Lenalee knocked on the door. “Lavi? Is Kanda-kun awake?” She asked. Lavi shook his head, but then he realized Lenalee couldn’t see that, so he responded in the negative. “Can I come in?” Lavi repeated the same mistake with a nod and corrected it with an increasing feeling of idiocy.

“KANDA-KUN! Get the fuck up, I have tea for you!” Lenalee shouted. Lavi’s head whipped over to her. Was he dreaming? Was this all a very screwed up reality? Did Lenalee… just… _curse_?

Yuu sat bolt upright, his eyes snapping open in complete awareness. He brought a hand to his face, “the world is a spiraling pit of darkness,” he muttered, falling back onto his pillow.

“Yuu!” Lavi shouted, concerned.

“Shut up, Lavi, I’m dizzy.”

“Oh.” Lavi’s mouth closed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lenalee set the tray with Yuu’s cup of tea on the nearest surface and flee. “How did you wake up?”

“There’s no way my mind could make up something as impossible as Lenalee _swearing_. It has to be real. Why are you here?” Yuu looked confused, as if Lavi’s being there was something that not even reality could create.

“I would never leave you, Yuu—don’t ever forget that. Last night, I was just… confused. Really, really confused. I mean, _really_ confu—”

“I get it. That doesn’t explain why you _left_.” Yuu was speaking as if he still didn’t realize Lavi was truly there, as if he was conversing with himself.

“My thoughts were getting all jumbled up, and if I was around you, I would have said something really bad—which I did anyway, in retrospect—so I had to get out of there. I never had any intentions of leaving you. I—goddammit, Yuu, I fucking love you.” Lavi didn’t quite know how to express it properly.

“I… I…” Yuu started, already sounding frustrated.

“It’s okay, Yuu,” Lavi said quietly, cutting him off. “You don’t have to say it, I understand. I know you _can’t_ say it, and that’s okay. But… I don’t know, could you do something for me?”

Yuu opened his eyes, the brown—slightly darker than usual—penetrating Lavi’s solitary green one with a complete grasp on reality. Yuu definitely knew what was happening now. That was good. “What?” He asked, just as softly.

“You don’t have to do it, but if you can, is it possible that you could just nod or shake your head? I just… there’s the insecurity of not knowing for sure, even though I really do know. But it’s unsaid, and that scares me a bit—”

“Get on with the question, rabbit,” Yuu said, sounding somewhat impatient.

“Do you love me?” Lavi asked, lying back down, putting his head on Yuu’s chest and staring down the curving plane of Yuu’s body toward the lumps under the covers that were his feet.

Yuu inclined his head, barely moving it at all, but it was enough, and Lavi’s heart soared. Someone in the world loved him, he could say that with surety, and that in itself would suffice until Yuu could tell him without being hampered by the invisible chains left by his tortured past.


	30. Christmas One Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Christmas One Shot by request

December 25, 2013--Allen's Ark

Bright, intense sunlight filtered in through the light blue curtains, casting a dim, Alice blue glow onto the bed. The color mixed with the burnt orange of the rug, making it look more brown than anything else, and it accented each long fiber. As he blinked the sleep from his eyes, Yuu frowned at the rug. It was ugly. He hated it. It needed to go. But he couldn't quite manage to drag himself out of the bed. Lavi had one arm on their shared pillow. The other wrapped tightly, almost possessively, around his chest, and its presence spread a warmth through him, one that had been absent during the night. He felt empty, drained of all emotion and thought, and all he could concentrate on was the tingling sensation of Lavi's stomach pressed closely to his back. Their legs tangled, and Yuu's hair spread wildly, no doubt nearly suffocating the rabbit behind him.

It felt _good_ , Yuu realized, leaning back just slightly so that he could feel more of Lavi's skin against his. And Lavi _hadn't_ left him. That was very important. But he was sure of this fact. After all, the redhead wouldn't be there, making that little mumbling noise he did when he was maybe an hour from waking, if he had.

He didn't want to get up, he just wanted to lay there and let the world pass by. It was fucking Christmas, so he could do whatever the fuck he wanted--

The door slammed open, emitting a rather festive-looking Infernal Girl. Tiny, annoying little bells jingled in tandem with her movements. They were all over her outfit--several littered her shirt, some were on her fake reindeer antlers, others encircled her ankles, attached to her socks. Still more ran in criss-cross patterns over what looked suspiciously like arm warmers, and larger ones made up a belt of some sort, worn above her red- and green-striped ensemble. It was very nearly enough to raise him from his stretched out position and use his sword to cut each bell from her outfit as he sliced her in half, but Lavi's arm tightened around his chest as a whine spread whirling patterns of breath on the back of his neck.

Amanda danced around the room, stomping the floor repeatedly, grunting with the effort. It looked like some type of tribal dance, and when she ended her tomfoolery with a gorilla-esque chest pounding and a shout of "Merry Christmas, bitches," Yuu sent her his deepest glare. She seemed to quail under it slightly and backed from the room, but before she closed the door, she added, "you're going to mass, my dearest hoes, so up and at 'em! I'll be back in twenty minutes. I'd better not walk in on a quickie." The slam of the door pulled a startled, waking grunt from Lavi's lips. The rabbit in question shifted before nuzzling into the back of Yuu's neck and sighing.

_Aishiteru_. It wasn't that hard to think. _I love you_. The chains held him strong, but the thoughts seemed to slip through the gaps in the links. It was comforting, almost, in that he could admit it to himself. It gave him hope that one day the barriers would fall forever. Without meaning to, he ran his left hand down the length of Lavi's possessive arm, intertwining their fingers and feeling his own heartbeat beneath them. The redhead made a whispering noise and shifted again so that they were melded together from neck to waist.

Abruptly, Lavi let out a honking noise, spasming as something very wet and very unwelcome settled on the back of Yuu's neck. A second later, Yuu followed suit, glaring at the rug-that-had-to-go. It deserved to be spat upon. Or sneezed upon. Or whatever. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered who was talking about him.

"Tissue," Lavi moaned from behind him, speaking hesitantly. Sighing, the Japanese Exorcist sat up and walked across the room to his dresser, on which stood an orange tissue box. Tossing it to his lover--Yuu was still astonished he could think that at all; something must have changed in him last night, though his heart froze whenever he thought about it--he smirked in satisfaction as it hit the man in the head. Yuu would never admit it, but he found it almost endearing that Lavi had no depth perception. It was fun to watch, but he also made the most... adorable, Yuu supposed was the word, faces whenever he got frustrated. He would pace about, mutter angrily under his breath, and finger at the elastic of his eye patch, which was a sweet mannerism, if Yuu thought about it--which he wasn't. "Thanks," the redhead muttered after blowing his nose and sniffing a bit.

Yuu shrugged, but he resisted the urge to scoff. He felt warm arms come around him from behind, and for once, he didn't think of his father as he fell back just slightly into the embrace. Lavi's hands locked around his bare, scarred stomach--at some point in the night, the rabbit had divested him of his shirt--running warm sparks up his spine. Lavi's head came to rest on his shoulder, and Yuu unconsciously leaned his head sideways so that he wouldn't have to hold it up. That was his excuse, anyway. But he knew he was letting his head rest on Lavi's because it felt good and it reminded him that even though he was going to die, life before his fate could be pleasant.

"I'm really sorry about last night," Lavi whispered into his hair, and the Japanese man could feel the movements of the redhead's lips as they brushed lightly against his neck. He shivered involuntarily. Lavi made to pull away, but Yuu quickly grasped the rabbit's hands and forced him back into position. "I was way out of line." His voice sounded raspy, almost, as if he had spent the whole night expending it.

" _Che._ It's... fine." And it was. Really. He knew that the previous day had been very painful and that his barely-active mind was keeping the details from him, but he remembered parts of the fight, and he remembered the pain he'd felt when he thought Lavi'd left. He also knew that it was alright just so long as Lavi never did it again. And he knew the man wouldn't.

"It's not," Lavi insisted, attempting to pull away again. The smaller man held his lover fast.

"When it's you, it's... okay. I _never_ think of him when I'm with you." At his awkward admission, Lavi's arms tightened around his stomach. They stood there for a while, simply enjoying the other's presence and the warm, intoxicating feel of flesh against flesh. Little by little, the memories of the previous evening returned to Yuu, leaving a familiar twinge in the pit of his stomach. He felt as if he needed to say something... needed to apologize as well. "I'm sorry too. I should have told you what yesterday was. I'm sorry I... can't say... it."

The world spun as the idiot rabbit turned him around so that they were face to face. Their stomachs pressed gently together as Lavi tilted his head down the few centimeters' difference and brushed his lips against Yuu's. The older man felt his shoulders relax, tension he hadn't known was there melting as Lavi hooked his chin over Yuu's shoulder.

And that was when Amanda returned, slamming the door open and shouting "don't kill my eyes!" as she waltzed in. Her attire had changed. She was now wearing a solemn black dress, accentuated with intricately-patterned lace. A large, ornate crucifix, complete with the dying Jesus, hung on a large, heavy chain over her chest, and earrings made of onyx completed the ensemble. Her make-up, on the other hand, made Yuu want to kill her. Her eyes were blackened much as Bookman's had once been, and her lips matched the color.

"What is this shit?" Yuu growled.

"My Sunday best," Amanda replied nonchalantly.

"Who died?" Lavi asked sarcastically, snorting when the Infernal Girl gave him an offended look.

"No one died! Jesus was born! We're goin' to Church ta celebrate! And you guys are coming, too!"

"But I'm atheist..." Lavi said, his arms still around Yuu's back.

"So am I!" The Infernal Girl exclaimed, "Now get dressed, we're leavin' in half an hour, and you guys need to eat!"

As she turned to leave again, Amanda stopped and glared at the two flustered men. "You don't have a choice, I'm making you go. So there." And promptly left.

"We're not going." Yuu grumbled.

"But Yuu, I"ve never been to a modern mass. I heard they don't speak in Latin anymore," Lavi whined, using the high-pitched voice he knew grated on Yuu's nerves and would thusly make him give into any of the idiot's pleas just to escape.

"You mean I'll understand what they're preaching about now?" Yuu asked, and only force of will kept him from clenching his teeth in annoyance.

"Yeah, isn't it great? Plus, I don't want to be on the wrong side of Amanda's discus, soooo..." The stupid rabbit stole a quick kiss and then very nearly _bounced_ his way over to their shared closet, producing his new formal Exorcist uniform a moment later.

\---

_December 25, 2013, 11:03 AM--Church in Italy_

"We're here an hour early?" Darcy shouted. "Amanda, what the hell? I wanted to sleep, but nooo, you wanted to go to Church, for God knows what reason. What are we going to do for an hour, in a church, in Italy? Why couldn't we go to the Pope's mass instead of some random little church in the city?"

Those were the questions on everyone's minds as they sat in the pews of the tiny church. But Lavi saw how the girl only giggled and waved her hand dismissively at the Irishman.

"Because, Mr. Darcy, who would want to _stand_ the whole time in a crowded plaza, just to hear some fat old man read scripture? I want to _sit_ and hear some fat old man read scripture." Content with her response, Amanda sat down in one of the pews way up at the front. "To get a better view," she explained to no one in particular.

"C'mon, Yuu," Lavi muttered, pulling his lover by his hand. Yuu's face was disgruntled, but he followed anyway, much to Lavi's pleasure.

Looking around the small church, the redhead noted just how beautiful such a tiny, out-of-the-way church could be. The stained glass was pristine, preserved from hundreds of years ago, and it let in just enough light to have that old, slightly creepy-yet-holy feel to it. Lavi had been in many churches before, and though this one wasn't as ornate--there were only a few stained glass windows, and even fewer statues, tapestries and carvings--the architecture was magnificent. If Lavi was to trust his Bookman training, he would date the church back to somewhere between the twelfth and sixteenth centuries. The pews were well worn from years of habitual use, and they showed it; the places where congregants sat were worn almost white, a stark contrast from the dark wooden finish, confirming Lavi's opinion as to the longevity of the establishment. Lavi wasn't very interested in the pulpit--it looked much like that of every other church--so he turned his attention to the far off corners, looking for anything out of the ordinary or unique.

Seeing only a few out of place candles in one corner, Lavi looked to the walls and found very old looking confessional boxes. Wanting to investigate further, he pulled Yuu toward them, opened one up, and sat on the little bench. It felt weird sitting there. After all the years since he had been forced to take confession, it felt... wrong.

"I feel like I'm breaking some cosmic rule, sitting here," Lavi said, shaking his head and smiling ironically. Yuu grunted, his inflection leading upward in a way that Lavi knew meant "why." His smile turned less bitter as he took in his lover's dark eyes. "I was a Bookman. I think I've broken every rule of the Church, so..." He didn't know how to finish his sentence, so he shrugged.

Suddenly it was very dark, the slats in the door only providing a very hazy twilight, and they were very close together.

"Yuu, what are you--?" Lavi began to ask, only to be cut off by a fierce kiss. "Oh, well, I wasn't expecting to ever break this rule," he finished, slightly breathless.

"Shut it, _Baka_ ," Yuu growled, taking hold of Lavi's hands as he pushed him farther down the bench so that his back was against the wall. The dark-haired man had his wrists pinned just as effectively, and Lavi hissed in a large gasp as the man lowered his head to his neck.

" _Ne,_ Yuu, I have an idea," Lavi mumbled as his lover nibbled at his pulse point. "How 'bout I be the Priest and you be the Altar Boy?"

The redhead wasn't quite sure he could blame Yuu for the blood that was now running down his neck.

"No way in Hell," the man hissed, moving his mouth to Lavi's ear.

"Really? 'Cause that's where we're goin', Yuu-chan," he replied, his voice breathless as he tried to stave off the waves of pleasure originating around his ear. "But we're not there yet, so how about you be a Choir Boy and sing sweet songs of love as I take you to the precipice of pleasure, and maybe back, if you're lucky enough to last that--"

The dark-haired man sealed their lips together, pressing into Lavi so completely that the redhead heard the creak of the old wood at his back. His grip on Lavi's wrists was strong, firm in a way that told him the older man wasn't going to let go.

In one last attempt to gain control of the situation, Lavi pulled himself up off the bench, but was immediately slammed against the feeble wood, feeling something quite a bit harder against his leg. He moaned quietly, the sound originating from the back of his throat and ending in a very broken-sounding hiss as Yuu rubbed a knee against a very sensitive area.

His arms were wrenched higher and pulled together above his head, where Yuu held them with one hand so that the other could move down to undo the buttons of his formal Exorcist jacket. The dark-haired man nibbled at Lavi's ear as his hand slid from the buttons to under his shirt.

Yuu had never been so forward with him before, and Lavi was reeling from the strange aggressiveness, but he found that he kind of liked it. Managing to wrench his wrists from the Japanese man's grasp long enough to remove his cumbersome jacket, Lavi was rewarded with a hiss from his lover, and his hands were gripped tighter when Yuu grabbed them again.

Lavi heard the distinct sound of another jacket hitting the floor, but was unable to see, as he was soon distracted by the bench being shoved off to the side of the booth and being pressed completely between the wall and his lover. A hand went to his belt while Yuu licked at his pulse point, applying barely enough pressure to be noticed, but not enough to not be teasing, and Lavi groaned loudly. A bite on his shoulder was warning enough to keep it down.

"Shhhhh, Yuu, we gotta be quiet!" Lavi stage-whispered to his lover. There was a scoff, and suddenly his mouth was a bit too preoccupied to comment.

Lavi's belt was undone, and a hand sat teasingly at his waistline, tickling flesh but not going deeper. Lavi whined and pulled at Yuu's grip, but the dark-haired man merely smiled against his lips and slowly, agonizingly slowly, undid his button and fly.

Wondering just what his lover was planning, Lavi watched as Yuu sank to his knees. His hands were released, and his pants and boxers were pulled down as Yuu's now free hand roamed. Lavi's eye rolled back into his head as the dark-haired man's mouth covered his already urgent need.

Lavi tangled his hands in Yuu's too soft hair, which thank the whatever-being-resided-over-this-god-forsaken-planet Yuu had opted to leave down. The long black strands tickled his thighs, as whatever Yuu was doing with his tongue made him go weak in the knees.

Not wanting to be the only one enjoying himself, Lavi decided he would distract Yuu, make it a little harder to concentrate, as it were. He dug his fingers into Yuu's scalp, massaging the scarred flesh as hard as he dared. He knew where all his lover's sensitive spots were and exploited them to the fullest extent of his abilities. Which was quite full, if Lavi said so himself. As he hit a particularly sensitive scar right behind Yuu's left ear, the Japanese man moaned, which sent amazing vibrations up through Lavi.

Obviously not content to let Lavi have any sense of self left, nor to let Lavi force him to make those noises he always made when he was really into it, Yuu moved his hand to the base of Lavi's erection and began moving at a steady rhythm, driving the redhead crazy. He may have screamed, but he wasn't sure. But at that point, with Yuu taking him as deep as the man's gag reflex would allow, and sucking at a pace that made Lavi wonder how the man managed to keep it up, all coherent thought was far gone. So was language, for once. All six thousand, eight-hundred and nine of them, and that included all ancient languages and tribal dialects. All he could do was groan and hiss and pant as Yuu once more took him as deep as physically possible, reaching up and rubbing fingers along the shell of his left ear.

It was too much. The small confessional seemed to close in around him, until all he could see was the dim darkness. He forgot to breathe as his orgasm crashed over him like a tidal wave. He was left weak-kneed and collapsed onto Yuu's shoulders, his arms giving out from their positions there.

He was once again pressed against the weak wooden walls, all his weight being supported by his lover. He pulled the dark-haired man into a rough, breathless, appreciative kiss and hummed at the enthusiastic response he received.

When he finally recovered enough to stand on his own, he pulled Yuu as close as he could, fumbling with the Japanese man's belt and zipper, hastily pushing the tight leather down past Yuu's knees, as he hurriedly stepped out of his own pants and boots, thankful for the now appropriately-fitting uniform.

Pulling the dark-haired man ever closer, wanting as much contact as he could get, Lavi ran his fingers across Yuu's scalp, reveling in the hitches in breath that his actions caused. Yuu's hands roamed up and down his back, giving the redhead goosebumps from anticipation, wanting his lover to go the next step.

"Come on, Lover, you ready or you gonna keep me waitin'?" He whispered, still slightly breathless, into Yuu's ear. He felt the man shudder against him, but he was rewarded with a soft sigh.

"Did you bring anything?" At that, Lavi rolled his eye. Of course he had. After all, he had to be prepared to jump his lover at any given moment (in any given alleyway).

"Back pocket, Lover."

Yuu scowled at him but lowered himself once more. Lavi couldn't help but snicker silently under his breath and bring his hands back to the Japanese man's hair, massaging as the man searched his pockets, producing a half-empty tube. Lavi shivered, waiting for Yuu to do something, but the man just stood there, an almost blank expression on his face as he stared at the lube.

"Stop calling me that," the dark-haired man grunted, not looking at Lavi.

The redhead slid down the wall so that he was at the same height as the other man. Gently, he reached out a hand and placed it under Yuu's chin, guiding the man's face so that they were locking eyes. The dark-haired man dropped his gaze again, so Lavi lifted his chin until the other man had no choice.

"It makes you uncomfortable," he stated softly, trying to slow his breathing so that he didn't sound like a horny fool. Now was not the time. Yuu loved him, of that he was sure, but he was still uncomfortable with terms of endearment--or with terms that defined their relationship. He wasn't ready. And Lavi was okay with that, because this was his Yuu-chan, and he would never push him, not more than he was capable of being pushed. Calling him his lover aloud was so far past that boundary that Lavi wasn't sure he knew how to bring him back to his safety zone.

Yuu nodded, their eyes meeting once more for a brief second.

"What do you want me to call you, then?"

"My name," the other man responded quietly. He didn't look away, though, and Lavi was startled by the shining depths in the older man's eyes. Deep, charcoal-brown eyes glittered with something Lavi had never seen before, not in anyone except a man so deeply in love that he often did stupid things for his partner. It was a gaze of complete trust and understanding, something Lavi, with all his book-smarts and capacity for memory, could barely comprehend.

"Yuu," Lavi breathed, leaning in so that he could touch his lips tenderly to his lover's.

His head smarted as he was pushed back into the wall, Yuu's hands on his shoulders, pinning him there. The Japanese man's tongue ghosted in through parted lips, and Lavi gave out an unintentional moan as a slick, cold hand snaked down between his legs. He felt a gentle prodding sensation, and Yuu released his mouth in preference for his throat. Butterfly kisses, soft, brushing kisses, rained down the column of his neck in an un-Yuu-chan-like way. Yuu-chan was strength, passion, heat. But he was also love, he was also the sun. And Lavi had never felt warmer.

He was slowly pulled to his shaking feet, mind far away from what was actually happening. Yuu was doing incredible things with his fingers, all the while kissing him even more senseless. The redhead shifted in an attempt to give the Japanese man more room but found that the tight confessional did not allow for much movement. They weren't built for this kind of activity, after all.

Choking down an embarrassingly needy noise as Yuu's fingers found his prostate, he was suddenly struck with an idea of how to make this easier for the both of them.

Pulling his hands from his lover's scalp, he brought Yuu's face close to his, making sure he had the man's full attention. "Yuu, you trust me, right?"

The dark-haired man nodded, his face showing he was unsure of just what Lavi meant. Lavi himself was surprised he hadn't thought of it earlier.

"Well, then, Yuu, make me a sandwich."

Yuu stopped moving his fingers and pulled back, giving him a strange expression that was halfway between confusion and lust. "...The fuck, rabbit?" The Japanese man asked eloquently, his voice rough and his breathing rapid.

Lavi wondered if he was perhaps pushing the man too far with his request. It was something neither of them had talked about, it was something so far beyond Yuu's level of comfort that it was almost taboo. He didn't want to push him, but yet he did. He was curious to see how far he could go without alienating Yuu forever, but that thought scared him like nothing in this world could, not even death.

Yuu's silence was unsettling, but then Lavi realized that the man was more confused than anything. Had he really not understood Lavi's innuendo? Obviously not.

"I want you to make me the fillin' in a Yuu-and-wall sandwich," he reiterated. It was very comforting that he got a scoff in response, but then Yuu spoke.

"I already am, _Baka Usagi_ ," the man said. Lavi wanted to slap his head on something, but he knew Yuu was being dense as a way to protect himself. It was his mind's natural defense against things he didn't know or understand--he pushed all potentially harmful thoughts away. It wasn't a surprising reaction, though, not after all he'd been through. Taking a deep, fortifying breath, Lavi leaned forward and closed the few inches between them in a loose hug.

"We need space, Yuu-chan," he whispered into his lover's ear. "There's a way we can get it."

As predicted, the dark-haired man froze, though he didn't try to pull back. It was, perhaps, an awkward position, with Lavi's arms around his neck, their cheeks pressed together, and Yuu's fingers still motionless inside him.

"I trust ya. You are nothing like your father--you never have been, and you never will be--so I trust ya not to hurt me. If you don't wanna do it that way, that's fine, I ain't gonna push ya, but it'll give us more space. You aren't forcin' me, so it's different, 'kay?" He pressed his lips to Yuu's, and though his lover didn't move, he knew the man was thinking it over.

When the fingers began to move again, Lavi knew the older man had come to a decision. He whined, remembering just why he let Yuu top him most of the time. Then the fingers disappeared--Lavi groaned and bucked his hips forward--and gentle hands spun him almost delicately around, as if he would break with the slightest mistreatment. Those same hands ran down his back, almost worshiping it. And then Yuu pressed up against him, his strong, muscled chest feeling like fire against Lavi's back.

The sensation went straight to his stomach, making it jump in that uncomfortable way, but at the same time, it was that giddy feeling that the redhead had come to associate with Yuu. It was strange, trusting someone so implicitly that it seemed natural to have him at his back. He had not realized just how much trust there was, but it was there, he felt it just as surely as he felt his lover's breath on the back of his neck and the gentle hands at his sides, telling him to relax at the expected intrusion.

Their movements were slow, but not agonizingly so, slow for the sake of quiet, because the boards of the booth beneath them creaked when things moved too fast. Neither one was complaining though, especially when one of Yuu's hands decided to slide forward from his hip and encircle his erection.

Lavi was now leaning with his face against the confessional wall, using the ancient wood for support. His legs were shaking from the sheer amount of emotion that was going through his body. It was like a sensory overload, the emotions from the previous night playing a huge role. It was the leftover fear of losing Yuu, the leftover guilt, the leftover joy when Yuu confirmed his feelings, plus he was still riding his high from his first orgasm.

When Yuu changed pace a moment later, Lavi had to quickly stuff a fist in his mouth to stop the loud moan that had been about to rip itself from his throat from escaping. As it was, a tiny, squeaking gasp escaped his attempt. A minute or two later, though, Lavi wondered why it had mattered in the first place, not that he cared anymore. It was all becoming a bit too much for him, feeling as if his legs were going to give out any moment. Yuu's other hand left his hip and trailed its way upward to Lavi's ear, were it played with the gold hoop. And Lavi lost it, letting out a low moan against the wooden wall. It may have been a bit too loud, but at that moment, with Yuu shuddering against him, the redhead just didn't give a damn. He turned his head to pull his lover into a kiss, one the man returned with a quiet intensity before it fell apart, their breathing too ragged to stop for long.

The redhead's back felt bare and cold as Yuu backed away and righted the bench, but then arms came around his middle and settled him between the dark-haired man's legs, pulling him into the man's chest. They sat there and breathed, eventually in unison, until the sounds from the world--ignored during their romp, if it could be called that--began to trickle in.

"'...and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn,'" came the tinny wheezing of the Priest's voice, floating in through the slats of the confessional booth's door. A few more words were said, ones that Lavi didn't feel like registering, because Yuu had his head burrowed in the back of his neck, and then a chord rang out through the church. Simultaneously, a loud, crashing noise vibrated the room, along with what sounded suspiciously like a female gasp.

"Darcy, please, pierce me with your Jesus stick!" Amanda cried out.

"Let me get me condom on, wait a minute," Darcy gasped. There was a rustling that was drowned out as the congregation joined in whatever stupid song they were singing, and the redhead was sure he heard Yuu scoff at the activities going on next door.

"Harder!" Amanda moaned, a bang against the wall that connected the two booths together announcing more than Lavi had ever wanted to know about his best friend's sex life. "Take me like Yuu-pyon just took Lavi!"

Yuu tensed up, pushing Lavi away as he made to stand up. The redhead fell to the ground, and when he looked up, he saw a furious scowl marring his Yuu's normally... less scowling features. Hastily, Lavi tugged at the pants still pooled at the Japanese man's ankles.

"Yuu-chan," he mumbled, and he was relieved when the man looked down at him, his face beyond murderous. The expression melted as he noted his lack of clothing, and he pulled his pants up.

"Not like that, not in the ass!"

Lavi felt his cheeks flush, and he knew that if he looked in the mirror, he'd be redder than his hair.

"Just kiddin', love," Darcy grunted, his voice permeating the thin wooden walls.

Lavi found this whole situation entirely too awkward. One, because they were stuck in this confessional until the mass was over, two, because they had thought they had been alone in said confessional, and three, because Amanda was starting to egg Darcy on. He felt like his face was on fire. The American girl made Yuu sound like a nun. He had never known her language to be so... _colorful_. He wasn't even sure what she was suggesting was even physically possible.

Listening out past Amanda's moans and Darcy's pants, Lavi heard the organ blast for the final song of mass. Feeling this was as good a time as any to pull up his own pants, he looked over at his lover, who was blushing almost as much as Lavi felt he was. He was almost too late to stop Mugen from being driven through the flimsy wood wall and into the attached room.

"Yuu-chan, you can't kill them!" Lavi whispered so that the two copulating Exorcists could not hear. "Someone could hear the screams and find us!"

The Japanese man seemed to consider that for a moment, but at that exact second, the organ cut off, and Amanda belted out a cry.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! God, Darcy!" Fastening his belt and throwing Yuu his jacket, the redhead felt something drip from his nose.

Even in the dim light, the distinct red tinge made Lavi do a double-take. Seriously? He had been blushing enough to pop a blood vessel? Next to him, Yuu snorted.

"...Hentai."

"No, Yuu, I--I--I'm Irish!" Lavi said, blushing harder and increasing the flow of his nosebleed. He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and innocence.

"I don't see how that correlates." Yuu's expression was iron solid, unyielding.

"We blush a lot!"

"Is someone in there?" An old, gravelly voice asked, thankfully to the other side of the box. Both Lavi and Yuu froze. Amanda and Darcy had as well, judging from the distinct lack of sound now emanating from the confessional. The door handle began to jiggle, but before the elderly priest could open it, a bright light emerged from the wall, a portal to Allen's Ark waiting for both couples. Without further thought, they were in and the door was closed.

"You guys are lucky that Lenalee likes you, I was just going to leave you all so the old man could make you clean up your messes. But no, you owe me."

Lavi had never been happier to hear Allen's voice. Even though he was still bleeding profusely, he ran up to the boy and encircled him in his arms. "Thank you, Allen, bless your little, mangled soul!"

The white-haired boy pushed him back, his face crinkling up in distaste. "You reek, Lavi, take a shower! And stop bleeding on me!" Lavi heard a small, buttery chuckle behind him and repressed the urge to smile. He hadn't been there, but he was assuming that Yuu was thinking of the time at the United Nations when Allen had bled all over his lover's lap. Pulling the little Sprout into a tighter hug, he placed a kiss right on Allen's forehead, smack in the middle of his heavenly crown of stigmata.

"I love you, Squirt," Lavi cackled, releasing the boy and reaching back to take Yuu's hand so that they could go shower... and perhaps go for another round.

\---

Allen was complaining all the way back to their room.

"I can't believe the fucker bled on me! I went to all the trouble of saving his ass from that creepy old priest and then he bleeds on me. What kind of friend is that? Oh, and he kissed me. Did you see that? He kissed me, Lenalee, it was disgusting!"

Lenalee rolled her eyes. "Calm down, Allen. It isn't that big of a deal."

"But--but Lenalee!" Allen continued, but the Chinese girl wasn't having any of that.

"Allen, shut up. Here. I have your Christmas present," she said, reaching into her pocket and producing a small package.

He calmed immediately, and the dark-haired girl couldn't help but giggle at the boy's expectant gaze. In some ways, Allen was still a kid, his eyes shining at the prospect of something new, wrapped in shiny paper with colorful patterns. Like lightning, he shot out his left hand and retrieved the parcel, ripping off the paper with enthusiasm. He looked somewhat disappointed when the box was revealed. Lenalee giggled. What had he been expecting, a Rubik's Cube?

"The present's in the box, Allen," Lenalee said, failing to suppress a smile. She even let out a little giggle, but she hoped the boy next to her hadn't noticed.

Allen scowled. "I know that," he said a bit harshly, pulling the box apart with a flourish. To Lenalee's delight, his face lit with glee as he saw what was inside.

A solitary white poker chip was suspended on the square of white fluff that had come with the box. Beneath it was a note, which read: _after this is over, let's go to Vegas._ It was simple, really, but heartfelt. She wanted to travel with Allen--if she was honest with herself, she really just wanted to be with him. She knew he honestly liked to gamble, so after much discussion with Road and Amanda, they had come up with this. The gentle, all-encompassing hug that Allen pulled her into was worth every brainstorming headache she'd had. His hands were on her back, seeming to pull her farther in, even though she was so pressed into Allen that her breasts were being squashed in a way that made it difficult to breathe. But his breath was in her ear, forcing shivers down her spine each time the air tickled the wisps of hair surrounding the orifice.

"Thank you," he said quietly, and Lenalee knew that even though they were alone, no one else could have heard it. It made her feel special, like she had a part of Allen that no one else had. It was selfish to think, but she loved the boy, and love was possibly the most selfish of all emotions.

Pulling away, Lenalee smiled again.

"Now here's your birthday present."

He looked completely taken aback. She knew that this time of year was hard for him, remembering Mana, remembering the fact that he didn't know if the twenty-fifth was his actual birthday. She didn't want him to be depressed, she wanted to take his mind off of the bad things, just like he did for her. He made it so she didn't have to think about this being her first Christmas to be truly without Komui. Having Allen here kept her thoughts in much happier places.

"You got me something else?" Allen asked, his voice still full of shock.

She nodded quickly and then leaned in, kissing him softly on the lips.

"Happy Birthday, Allen," she whispered in his ear before hugging him just as closely as he had hugged her.

They sat like that for a moment, just enjoying the contact, enjoying the fact that they had someone to care about on Christmas, enjoying that they didn't have to think about sad things for at least a few minutes.

"I got something for you, too, Lenalee," Allen's voice breathed in her ear.

Ending their hug, Lenalee looked at the small, nicely wrapped box that the white-haired boy had produced from his jacket pocket. She took it gently and unwrapped the silver and gold paper.

"Oh, Allen, you shouldn't have!" She exclaimed, taking the beautiful necklace from the box. It was an amethyst heart, with a delicate lacing of gold around it, creating an intricate cage from which it hung on a light golden chain. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry she had ever seen. Turning it to the back, she saw that a square piece of gold was stabilizing the pendant. On it was inscribed a simple message in neat clear script. _For the other half of my Heart._

She started to cry. It was too much, she loved it more than anything she had ever received. She felt him fumble with her hands, trying to take the necklace, she felt him lean forward and put it around her neck, she felt him kiss her forehead lightly, and she felt him hug her.

"I love it, thank you," she sobbed, and he squeezed her tightly, as if trying to push her tears away. She wanted to kiss him again, prove to him that she really loved him and maybe have him finally admit it. But Allen pulled back and smiled that heart-melting smile at her, the one that made all the troubles, all the sadness and fear, simply evaporate. Their eyes met, and Lenalee was content to let their embrace end there, even though her lips itched and tingled for a contact they could not have.

Allen slid his hand into hers, still sporting that most magnificent smile. The Chinese girl couldn't help but smile back as her chest swelled. They were together, and though the white-haired boy would take it no further, Lenalee was content in the knowledge that there would be no other for either of them. When the time came, they would love, but that time was not now.

They walked out to the Main Plaza, where most people were setting up tables in great rows across the entire courtyard. Yuu-kun and Lavi were suspiciously absent, but Lenalee couldn't really blame them. After the fight they'd had the previous night, they probably wanted to be alone, skipped mass notwithstanding. Amanda and Darcy, on the other hand, were both cheerfully helping set up the tables and other decorations, laughing and flirting loudly as they gamboled about, doing more damage than actual good.

When the entire Coalition Army (a tentative title for themselves that they'd decided on) minus Kanda and Lavi--Lenalee would take food to them later--sat down for the late afternoon feast, Lenalee couldn't help but feel a joy that had long since been absent wash through her system. She hadn't felt it since she'd been taken from her brother. The only thing that had come close was the first Christmas at the new Headquarters. Lavi had run through the corridors, knocking aside Finders in his haste to be "fun and frivolous." He had been sporting Yuu-kun's long Exorcist jacket, and moments later, the Japanese man had come flying down the hallways after the redhead, Mugen unsheathed and shining in the artificial lights the Order had developed years before. Allen had played poker with most members of the staff, including a game that he nearly lost until he had proved the other player to be cheating. Not that he hadn't been, but seeing as no one (save for Lavi and Bookman, who didn't care) could catch him at it, Allen always got away with it. He still did. Komui had even "graced" the Order with his latest Komurin robot, which Krory and Timothy had spent a good portion of the day trying to destroy. Then they'd been forced into the obligatory mass, after which they had eaten the largest turkey dinner Lenalee could remember. It surpassed even the one the Coalition Army had prepared. It was because Jerry had made it.

She would never say it, Lenalee thought as she loaded her plate with various foods and watched, awestruck, as Allen did the same on a much grander scale, but she really missed Jerry's food. The way the Indian man had cooked had nothing on the current chefs, five-star though they might be. She tried not to play with the necklace hanging around her neck, preoccupying herself with spearing a piece of turkey on her fork and bringing it to her mouth. The bench scraped and shuddered, and Amanda took a seat next to her, her face flushed with exhilaration from the festivities of the day.

"Hey, dear," the American girl said, giving her a brief, one-armed hug before grabbing a plate and slopping whatever food in her reach onto it. Darcy, who sat across from her, took it a step further and dumped gravy on his entire meal, along with salt and pepper. Then he ate it. Lenalee tried to ignore the roiling feeling in her stomach, but it was hard when the ex-Order's three most disgusting eaters were next to her.

"Nice jewel there," a sly voice mumbled in her ear, the tone carrying heavy implication and lewd suggestion. Lenalee shifted her eyes and saw Amanda far too close to her head. She smiled at the younger girl, probably a bit too widely not to arouse suspicion, but Amanda seemed to ignore it. She did give Lenalee a significant look, though, one that stated they would definitely be talking later.

After the meal, most people got up from their seats to go chatter with friends, and the Exorcists ended up in a large group, joined by a few soldiers who had become close or, in Emiko's case, were family. There was a large amount of Christmas spirit to be seen and heard, but there was an even greater abundance of Christmas _spirits_ to go around. Lolek had gotten out his special peppermint schnapps, imported directly from his mother, and he was passing the bottles around their tiny little circle of Exorcists.

"So..." he began, letting out a big grin as he placed a bottle on its side in the middle of the group, "who cares for a game of spin the bottle?" Lenalee forced the blush from her cheeks. It would give her a chance to have at Allen with absolutely no strings attached, and perhaps the boy would finally start paying her some attention--

"Can we add a twist?" Miranda asked shyly, raising a timid hand. Lolek looked over at her, his expression softening in that puppy-dog way that showed he cared very much for the German woman.

"What do you have in mind?" The blond man asked lightly, his eyes crinkling as a smile formed on his face. He looked like such a sap, not that Lenalee could complain. She'd seen Allen looking at her like that a couple of times, and she couldn't help but hope that she wasn't misreading the signs. After all, the boy was so _dense_...

"Well, if we don't want to kiss the other person, perhaps we could down the bottle?" Miranda suggested, a sly grin on her face. Lenalee had missed that expression. It had been lost after Marie's death. She was glad it was back, that Lolek could make her feel confident enough to leave her shell once more.

On the other hand, Lenalee wasn't quite sure she liked the look on the Polish man's face when the suggestion was made. It reminded her a lot of Allen's when he was playing poker.

"So, who's in?" Lolek asked, taking a seat next to Miranda and opening his own schnapps. He downed the bottle before the rest of the group sighed in resignation and made themselves more comfortable. It was a surprise to no one that Lolek took the first spin. Lenalee found the strange, bubbling pattern in the bottle slightly hypnotizing, even as she realized that it had stopped in front of her. The Polish man looked vaguely terrified but leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. She heard Allen harrumph next to her and smiled. Perhaps this game would be very progressive, in terms of their relationship.

The next few rounds continued without much incident, with Allen being the first to down the bottle so that he could escape kissing Cyrah. Though the younger Exorcists had been excluded, the Generals had migrated over early in the game and had joined up. Tamas had been taking the most hits, with three kisses, one of which was from Hok'ee, which had been awkward. Amanda had smilingly ran back to her room and returned with a big tub of mouthwash.

Around an hour after the game had begun, perhaps the most unfortunate--in Lenalee's mind, anyway--thing happened. Yuu-kun and Lavi showed up to scavenge some dinner for themselves. As they had been loading their plates, Amanda had slunk over to them and led them over to their circle, neglecting to inform them of what the game said circle was playing actually entailed.

"So, what are we playing?" Lavi asked upon seeing the bottle in the middle and several brightly flushing Exorcists.

Amanda leaned over. "We're playing spin the bottle. You spin the bottle, and whoever it points to when it stops you have to kiss, or you have to down an entire bottle of peppermint schnapps! It's sooo much fun, you guys wanna play?"

Lenalee noted the horrifed look on Yuu-kun's face and the indecisive expression on Lavi's.

"I'm not playing this ridiculous game," Yuu-kun growled, making to stand and walk away.

"But Kanda, I already spun for you!" Chu-chan called from across the circle.

Lenalee watched, horrified, as the bottle began to slow, sloshing liquid inside, and landed, facing Allen. The entire circle froze.

"No, no way in HELL am I letting Kanda kiss me!" The white-haired boy exclaimed, jumping up.

"Aww c'mon, guys, where's your sense of duty! Kanda, you can't back out now, either kiss 'im or drink the bottle," Amanda ordered.

Lenalee knew Yuu-kun didn't drink. It was the one constant about the dark-haired man, he never drank. Whether he shied away from the alcohol due to his past or not didn't matter, because if there was one steady fact about Yuu-kun, it was his severe dislike of any type of alcohol. But he also didn't do contact, and he hated Allen. This was quite a predicament, because neither one would back down, either. As Amanda had pointed out, they both had a sense of duty and honor that, once pulled into something, they would never back out. She could see the anger and conflict on Yuu-kun's face as he came to the decision she knew he inevitably would--his hatred of spirits would automatically trump his hatred of Allen--and she also saw the sheer determination on Allen's. It was normally something she admired, but she couldn't help but feel a pang of something akin to fear as well as _jealousy_. It was strange, she supposed, to be jealous of Yuu-kun, but under the circumstances, it wasn't surprising.

Yuu-kun's face was a hardened mask as he walked over to the white-haired boy at Lenalee's side and awkwardly tilted his head up, scowling as he had to raise himself on his toes to reach Allen's height. And even then, the white-haired boy had to lean down a bit. Though Yuu-kun was a respectable height, he had finished growing, something Allen had not. Their lips met briefly, and they sprang apart as quick as humanly possible, making the kiss somewhat more like a hen peck, rather than what had been going on before--anything from full-out make out sessions between lovers to a fair amount of tongue between friends. Still, Lenalee felt a shock going through her body, a hint of that long-unfamiliar snaking tendril of _desire_. She repressed it, knowing now was not the time nor the place, and shook her head, squeezing her eyes firmly closed.

By the time she reopened them, Yuu-kun and Lavi were walking off with their plates, and the redhead was complaining with mock-furiosity to his lover.

"I swear I saw tongue!" The man exclaimed, scowling in a convincing manner at Yuu-kun.

"If you don't want to die, I suggest you shut your mouth, rabbit!" Yuu-kun growled loudly, his free hand twitching toward Mugen, which, concerningly, had activated at his hip.

"What would you do? Stick Mugen through me and cook me over a fire?" Lavi asked, probably rhetorically.

"Among other things," Yuu-kun retorted.

" _Ne, ne,_ Yuu, roast me on your spit!"

They had to make a trip back to the table, because the Japanese man's plate had ended up in Lavi's face. Lenalee turned away as they walked back, hiding a blush.

"Lenalee, your turn. Spin, spin!" Road exclaimed, grinning widely.

Sighing, Lenalee did, crossing her fingers in hopes that the bottle would land in front of Allen. And, of course, it didn't.

After being pulled into a sweeping kiss by Michel, the Chinese girl sat back down next to her favorite person, who was still growling and glaring at the one-handed Canadian. Angrily, he spun his turn, and Lenalee's heart skipped as it pointed to her. She felt herself blushing as Allen leaned in and their lips met in one of the longest kisses they had ever shared. It was soft and sweet, and carried just a slight overtone of some heated emotion she had never felt before in Allen. It was nice. It gave her hope that the white-haired boy wasn't completely ignorant of her.

There were a few coughing noises in the background somewhere, but Lenalee couldn't help but ignore them. Allen was hers for this all-too-brief moment, and she was going to enjoy it.

When their kiss finally broke, they were both blushing. Looking around, Lenalee noticed all the knowing looks they were receiving. She had heard all the rumors about them, and deep down she really wished they were true, she wished that Allen would just tell her how he felt, so that she wouldn't have to keep walking on ice with him. She didn't want to alienate him, she wanted to be with him all the time, just like they were now, she didn't want him to suddenly decide that he would hurt her more by being around her than by not. It hurt her to be away from him, to not tell him how she felt, because who knew how long they had? She just hoped the boy would tell her before it was too late; she didn't think she could bear losing him without him ever knowing for sure.

There was a small amount of nervous laughter from the others around them as they tried to get through the awkward moment. Something about the atmosphere conveyed Lenalee's emotions. Maybe it was the way she was looking at Allen now--she couldn't help but just stare deeply into his lively silver eyes--or maybe it was the way he was looking back at her, the way he was opening his mouth as if to say something very important. Lenalee held her breath, barely daring to hope.

"Lenalee, I..." Allen whispered, looking only at her, and the Chinese girl decided she could ignore the onlookers for just a little bit longer. "I..." Allen was blushing, a good sign. "...I--"

Someone cleared their throat loudly, and suddenly, music blasted through the air. She didn't mean to, but she looked over, and what she saw almost-- _almost_ \--made her want to gouge her eyes out. Darcy's shirt was definitely off, and it was definitely being lassoed about above his head as he whooped and drank deeply from the bottle of schnapps in his other hand. Amanda clapped and cheered, egging him on. All the other Exorcists joined in. Lenalee was too shocked to turn back to Allen, and she knew the moment had been ruined and that she'd never hear what Allen had to say.

"This is for all you sexy ladies!" Darcy roared, and the music grew louder. He raised his arms up above his head and stepped into the middle of the circle. Lenalee watched, somewhere between horror-struck and transfixed, as the man began to writhe, sinking to the ground, shaking his bottom the whole way down and laying on his back.

Sitting up and then going down on all fours, he started to... crawl toward Allen, giving him for all the world a predatory smile. Pulling himself into the mortified boy's lap, Darcy straddled him. Lenalee was horrified as the Irishman leaned in and _licked_ Allen's neck from shoulder blade to earlobe. He then did a rather acrobatic leap off, doing a back flip and landing once again in the center of the circle. As the music heated up, so did Darcy's dance. He was soon kicking out of his boots, which were thrown unceremoniously over Tamas's head, hitting an unsuspecting Finder in the back of the neck. Lenalee felt bad for the man, but her attention was soon drawn away again as the ginger man slid out of his black leather Exorcist pants and was only in his pink, red heart-patterned boxers. They clashed mightily with his hair. He strutted over to Amanda, hips swinging almost like a woman's, and he turned around and fell into her lap, much to the America girl's glee.

"Darcy, you big hunk of Irish meat!" Amanda shouted over the music, just so everyone could hear.

"Don't you mean potato?" The semi-nude Irishman questioned, slightly out of breath from his previous acrobatics.

"Well, fry me up and call me a chip," Amanda answered... sultrily was the only word to describe her tone of voice.

"Oh, I'll do more than that, babe," the man responded, winking suggestively at his girlfriend.

Lenalee really wished she hadn't heard that, because soon the two were gone, and Lenalee had no illusions as to what they would be doing, even though she had to pretend she didn't.

"Where are they going, Allen?" She asked sweetly, and of course, the young British boy blushed, stuttering out some half-formed excuse, which only the incredibly dull would buy. But she smiled anyway and nodded; she had to keep Allen convinced of her innocence, even if it was only out of force of habit.

The party started to fizzle out around nine o'clock in the evening. With all the alcohol and food gone, there was no more reason to be out, and people began to filter back into their quarters. Lenalee and Allen, along with a few others, cleaned up the remains of their feast and settled down to an evening of watching old Christmas shows on the television that someone had brought. Well, they were old to the people who had grown up watching them, but to Lenalee, Allen, and Miranda, everything was brand new and incredibly entertaining. Lenalee especially liked the one about the boy who wanted a bb gun for Christmas. There was also one with a mean old green man who stole Christmas from a small village in a snowy mountain range. Allen like the adaptation of Charles Dickens's story, "A Christmas Carol," although Lenalee thought the ghosts were kind of creepy. They reminded her a bit of Akuma, only less realistic.

Krista and the small British boy, Elliot, watched a movie about a reindeer with a bright, glowing nose, who was hated by everyone until it was discovered that he was needed. There was also a movie about a magical snowman, who, when someone put a magical hat on his head, began to dance around. It sounded like it was inspired by Innocence.

After the movies, Vikram and Emiko started singing Christmas carols, and though both were horribly out of tune, the melodies were catchy. People started joining in until Maya put the kabash on it because they were too noisy and she wanted her beauty rest. They couldn't complain; it was three o'clock in the morning, after all.

Yawning tiredly, the remaining partiers returned to their rooms, satisfied and joyful. There was not a sour face in sight--well, Allen was still kind of upset with Elliot. The boy had tried to set his hair on fire, and had succeeded only in singeing the ends, but as Allen said, it was the principal of the thing. Lenalee supposed that she, too, would have been upset to suddenly smell burning hair and see a skinny, dark-haired pre-teen holding a lighter to the back of her head.

"You didn't lose much, Allen. It looks fine. You could go for a hair cut, though, it is getting a bit long, and you don't want your hair to get in the way of fighting any Akuma, do you?"

The boy looked at her in what was obviously fake offense. "What Akuma? There hasn't been an Akuma sighting in months," the boy responded dejectedly.

"Don't change the subject, Allen!" She exclaimed, not wanting the happiness of the day to be overshadowed. "Let's think of happy things, just for today! This is the happiest Christmas I've ever had!"

And that was true; she couldn't recall ever completely forgetting about the war, the death, the overwhelming sadness, even during the brighter moments. Today was the first time she had forgotten that her brother was no longer there to share in her happiness.

"Even without Komui. This has been the happiest day, and I don't want to go back to being sad, at least not for now, so please, just... let's not think about it."

Allen gave her a soft smile, the one he always showed when he was telling her he agreed and that she was right. It was his way of apologizing to her without having to say anything at all. Smiling, the dark-haired girl pulled him into a strong hug, willing away all the bad thoughts that had seemed to worm their squirmy little ways through the thick layer of warmth and cheer.

As they lay down for sleep, with Allen's arms wrapped tightly around her, Lenalee knew she could never want anything more than to have this moment last forever, hoping that after the Earl was gone, it would still continue. Smiling contentedly, she pretended to drift off, whispering the words she longed to hear from Allen, hoping that he would say them back one day when he didn't think that she was asleep and couldn't hear.

\---

They took a shower. And then they took a nap. After returning to the Ark, both were too exhausted from yesterday's emotions and today's activities to do anything more than bathe and sleep. There had been a small spark in Lavi's eye, but it had faded under the methodical pounding of the water on their backs. They weren't stupid, they didn't share a shower head--not unless they were going to do something else, which Yuu would never let happen, because showers were for getting _clean_ , not dirtying oneself further--but they were in stalls next to one another. By the time they had clasped hands and made to return to the room, Lavi's only visible eyelid was drooping, and the man walked in stumbling shuffles, leaning heavily on Yuu's shoulder.

When they woke up a few hours later to the riotous noise outside--and the riotous noise inside, since Lavi's stomach was rumbling something awful--there had been an unspoken agreement to get food. Unfortunately, the redhead had gained some semblance of self, which forced Yuu to empty his plate on the man's face. Fucking kissing games, fucking Generals, fucking _Moyashis_ , fucking lewd suggestions, fucking Lavi. After grabbing another plate, he stormed back to the room, intent on reaching the mouthwash. Lavi looked at him with a bemused expression as he scoured his mouth several times over before sitting down to his cold meal of turkey, yams, and something odd-looking that the redhead had called stuffing.

The Japanese man had to admit, though, that times like these were the most relaxing, when he and his lover were simply with each other, side by side. A coexistance, one might call it. There was something darker in their relationship, something deep and troubled and very, very _wrong_. Unhealthy. Yuu knew that, Lavi probably knew it too, but neither of them truly cared, because all that mattered was the other. Perhaps if Yuu hadn't been so hurt, Lavi so broken, it would have been different. Perhaps if Yuu had grown up with a caring father and a healthy mother, he wouldn't have been so afraid to get close to people. Maybe if Lavi hadn't become a Bookman, if his parents had loved him and refused to give him away, he would have been found as an Exorcist. They could have met, still. They could have become friends, probably. Maybe Yuu wouldn't hate _Moyashi_ so much--no, that was a cosmic constant, it couldn't ever change--but at the very least, maybe they could have a civil conversation. Perhaps.

But if that had happened, if they had both grown up normally, the qualities that attracted them to each other would have been lost, and their relationship would probably stay that of just friends. Lavi would still be Liam. It never would have happened. That hurt to think about, of course, the possibility of them not being together, but it was also refreshing. Yuu had never thought thinking of impossibilities would ever be relaxing, but now it had become so. He wondered when that had changed.

It surprised him that he wanted friends now. He'd never call them that, but the idea was still there, in his head. He wanted to talk with Lenalee, he wanted to _laugh_ with her. He'd never admit it to anyone but himself, but he wanted to play with Krista, treat her as a younger sister that he had never had. Even if she was a Little Fucker and needed to be severely punished for knocking him down a flight of stairs and causing part of his Lotus to die. He wanted to slap Darcy for being an idiot, to return Amanda's ridiculous bear hugs, to smile at Lolek and tell him that he'd better take care of Miranda, to tell Miranda that he didn't blame her for what happened, that it wasn't her fault, that she should stop blaming herself, and that she was like an older sister to him. He wanted all this and more, and he knew that his nature would never allow for most of it.

But there was hope.

That was what he thought about as he stared at his plate, picking through items and eating them slowly, carefully. He was aware of Lavi's gaze on him sometime around when he swallowed his last bite of yams and started working on his green beans, but he ignored it, instead pondering the possibilities of what if.

" _Ne,_ Yuu, whatcha thinkin' 'bout?" The _Baka Usagi_ asked from his kneeling position on the floor across from the Japanese man. Yuu put down his fork contemplatively, chewing his final bite of dinner just as slowly as he had been.

"Possibilities," he finally said. It was vague, but he didn't know what else to say. Lavi's face scrunched up in that cute way it did when he was trying to think through something but was failing miserably. It looked almost as if he was trying to sprout rabbit ears from his head. His nose twitched, his eyelid quivered, and his mouth bent upward slightly. Yuu was probably the only person who saw it as anything remotely rabbit-like. But he was glad of that fact.

"What kinda possibilities?" The redhead finally asked, giving an infinitesimal shrug. The Japanese man couldn't help it, he smiled. It was slight, but from the small widening of Lavi's good eye, he knew the other man saw it.

"Just... possibilities," he shrugged.

"Is that why you jumped me today, in the confessional booth... possibilities?"

"No," Yuu replied. That wasn't it. He tried not to get distracted by the evening rays in Lavi's hair as he contemplated what to say. "...You looked... sad."

"I did?" Lavi said blankly, blinking.

"Your eye did that thing where it looks flat and really, really deep at the same time, and it darkened. Your face was slack, your gaze far away. Normally, when you look like that, you're sad."

The rabbit looked taken aback, as if he hadn't thought Yuu was that observant. He probably hadn't, though. "I was just thinkin' about my time as Bookman," the younger man finally said, his voice almost a wistful sigh, only Yuu could tell that he wasn't looking back with nostalgia. There was an undertone to his voice, something broken or sad, defeated, and Yuu didn't like it. It reminded him of how hurt Lavi had been during the summer.

It wasn't time to scoff, it wasn't time for a _whatever_. He needed to know, not because he desired to understand what Lavi had gone through, but because the stupid rabbit needed to tell someone or he'd burst. Maybe that would be a long time in the future, but if Lavi kept it all inside, just like Yuu, he would reject the world, shy away from reality, until he was a shell of his normal, quirky self, a dry husk of the vibrant man Yuu loved. "Will you tell me?" He found himself asking. Yuu was pretty sure he hadn't told his mouth to make the sounds, but they were out in the world, reverberating through the tiny bones of Lavi's inner ear.

The redhead shuddered and looked away, something between guilt and trauma in his features. "Not now," he said, and his voice was shaking. "I'm still trying to work through it. There's so much, so many terrible things I've seen, and I can't--I can't... not now..."

Kneeing his way across the floor, Yuu brushed the plates away, not caring what nasty shit got on Lavi's stupid-ass rug-that-needed-to-get-out-of-his-sight-right-now, and pulled his lover's head to his shoulder. He didn't make hushing noises, but he rocked the two of them back and forth, using the hand not brushing through Lavi's hair to rub the man's back. Lavi didn't cry, nor did he whimper or make any other weak or needy noise, but he did shake. He shook hard, tiny gasps of suppressed memories pulling themselves from his throat. It sounded like dry sobbing, though Yuu knew it was different. Late at night, back when he was young, the same thing had happened to him. In fear, he had kept the lights off and trusted his senses to alert him to danger, and he had pulled himself into a small, protective ball. And he had quivered, had shaken like a leaf in gale-force wind. He had trembled and twitched and at times had looked like he was having a seizure. All the while, he had gasped in air, needing more and more than his lung capacity would allow him. And that would happen until the spell had faded, and then he would go out to the woods with Mugen and train until he could barely keep his eyes open, and even then, he'd keep going, just because he didn't want to seem weak, even at his feeblest moment.

The whole time, he supposed, he had just wanted someone to hold him close, even though at the time, the thought of any contact with another human being seemed both repulsive and weak. Even though every touch reminded him of his father and what he had gone through. But now, if he had the same terror, he knew he would want Lavi there, holding him tightly and whispering those stupid things that he always said--some shit about it being okay, to hush and let himself be cared for, et cetera--into his ear as he petted Yuu's hair and rubbed his back like he was some kind of cat. So that was what he did now, except for the whispering, because he wasn't going to say something that wasn't true, and it sounded stupid anyway.

Eventually, Lavi calmed, and they didn't talk about it when he changed into pajamas amidst a roar of laughter from the party in the courtyard. They were likewise silent as the man collapsed into the bed. Yuu pulled the covers over him and allowed his wrist to be grabbed as Lavi stared up at him, his eyes shining with an emotion the dark-haired man could not name.

"My present... it's in the top drawer of my dresser. Will you get it?" His voice wasn't hoarse, but there was a coarse quality to it, as if he was trying very, very hard to keep his emotions at bay. It wasn't surprising. Yuu nodded and walked over to the dresser. He pulled out a lumpy but impeccably wrapped gift, and he walked back to the bed, stopping only to reach into his own dresser and produce his gift to Lavi. Something fluttered to the floor, probably an article of clothing, but he ignored it, since Lavi was his priority at the moment.

He tried to keep the paper neat as he unwrapped his present. The Japanese man was pleasantly surprised to find something useful within, a long, white bathrobe to replace the small, fraying towel he'd been issued at the beginning of the summer. It was soft, softer than towels should be, but it was useful. Immediately, it meant a lot. Lavi had understood that he hated trinkets and meaningless possessions. He had probably thought long and hard on what to get him, and then he had looked for quality. It probably hadn't been more than twenty or thirty pounds, but it was never the money that counted. Yuu felt a smile on his face as he lowered his present.

"Thank you," he said, genuinely meaning it for one of the few times in his life. He leaned down and kissed Lavi, letting his lips linger for a moment before pulling up. The redhead looked stunned.

"You... thanked...?" The man asked, and Yuu chuckled under his breath. Lavi's eye widened, and a smile formed on his face.

"Of course, _Baka_."

Placing his present in Lavi's hands, Yuu watched the redhead demolish the paper and box. His eye lit up, a wide grin on his face, as he saw what Yuu had gotten him. Immediately, the man put on the orange scarf, looking overjoyed. Yuu knew at once it was no act, and he felt somewhat pleased with himself that he had managed to change Lavi's mood so thoroughly.

"I always wanted one o' these again, but I couldn't find the damn thing! Thanks, Yuu-chan!" Lavi kissed his cheek.

At that moment, Yuu realized what was missing, and when he turned around, he saw the card on the floor. It was stupid and generic, but Lenalee had told him to get it, so he had. He sat up and went to pick it up, but then he realized something was still wrong. Flipping it open, he ignored his quickly written _Happy Christmas,_ Baka Usagi and went to the desk for a pen. With quick, fluid motions, he wrote in Japanese the one thing he could not verbalize.

When he handed it to Lavi, the man's eye flew across the page, and his face settled into a soft expression Yuu saw only when the other man was staring at him and thought he wasn't looking. " _Ore mo_ ," Lavi whispered.

Yuu smiled. They kissed again, and the Japanese man couldn't help but feel perfectly content as they fell into each other's arms, negative emotions and fatigue chased away by the sudden passion they felt. Their gifts were pushed aside, along with wrapping paper and boxes and cards, and as they lay in each other's arms much later, Yuu looked at that fucking orange rug and saw his message shining in a pool of moonlight spilling in from the window. _Aishiteru_ , it said, and he mouthed the word, grasping Lavi's hand tighter and sinking more into the man's back.

\---


	31. How Can I be Like a Girl

Chapter 28—How Can I be Like a Girl

__December 28, 2013—Central Park

Christmas passed without much incident. Lavi and Kanda had gone missing, though Emiko had a vague idea that they had run off to be alone for the day. After the feast and some rather risqué games that ladies shouldn’t have been participating in, though Vikram had forced her, Amanda and Darcy had done the same. The rest of the former Order—they were thinking of new titles for themselves, without success, though Allen had suggested the Coalition Army—had spent the day in the warm sun of the Main Plaza of Allen’s Ark. There had been an actual celebration, with presents and turkey and kegs of beer. It had been a very rowdy, very happy Christmas, Emiko reflected, a vague smile on her face.

On the twenty-sixth, things had calmed down. Everyone saw Lavi walking around with a new orange scarf. Amanda sported a very fetching pair of earrings. Miranda had replaced the simple gold band on her middle finger with a dainty silver one on which sat a tiny sapphire. Emiko hadn’t gotten anything from Vikram, though. They’d been too busy to go shopping beforehand. Which was why they were out in the bitter cold of New York City’s Central Park after a quick tour through the nearby stores.

Vikram was complaining about the belt she’d just bought him, though she wasn’t being quiet about her objections to the _socks_ he’d bought her. They were cute, she supposed, if you liked little knitted depictions of Santa getting mauled by a reindeer. Then again, she couldn’t talk, as she’d given him a lurid green belt with highlighter orange studs embellishing it.

“I’ll treasure it forever,” he said sarcastically, and Emiko rolled her eyes.

“You’d better,” she laughed. Trying her luck, she bumped their hands together, grabbing Vikram’s before he could pull away. But he didn’t try, though he did look somewhat nervous. He kept glancing around, but he didn’t let go, and that was the point.

Abruptly, he stopped. “Will you tell me what Road did to you?” He asked bluntly, pulling her other hand into his. She looked away. It wouldn’t hurt… but…

“What do you want to know?” She found herself saying.

“Everything,” he said.

“Can we sit down?” She asked, and he nodded, leading her to a snow-covered bench. He was gentleman enough, surprisingly, to wipe it off, and he even let Emiko sit on him. It was a nice position, she reflected, but then she sobered.

“Remember how we were playing Hide ‘N’ Seek?” She asked. Vikram nodded. “Well, Chu-chan was ‘it’ that time. You ran in the other direction from me. I remember running north, back toward the Asian Branch. I saw this girl—she seemed only a few years older than me. She asked me if I was an Exorcist. I nodded and got my Innocence out. I didn’t synch well at that point, but I thought she was a Level One Akuma or something. She smiled, and a door appeared. She asked me if I wanted to play with her, but I told her I was playing with you guys. She said she was more fun, though, and then she knocked me out. I don’t know how, I didn’t see her coming. She took my Innocence with her. I don’t know why she never destroyed it. I think it was because she always planned on taking me back. I think it may be because I was her play toy.”

Emiko didn’t know when she’d stopped talking and had fallen into the icy clasp of bittersweet memory, but she eventually found herself reliving the horrors that Road had made her live through.

-

_The first thing Sasaki saw was the cracked paint on the ceiling. The girl was standing over him, her spiky, black hair hanging as she looked down. He could see up her skirt, so he averted his eyes. He had no interest in seeing girls’ panties, not like Vikram and Chu-chan._

_“What’s your name?” The girl asked, her voice high and almost sweet. Sasaki opened his mouth to answer, but it felt dry, as if someone had stuck cotton inside it. He tried to make a sound, but it came out as a rusty croak. “Do you need water?”_

_Sasaki closed his mouth and nodded, pleading the girl with his eyes. She walked out of his sight, and a moment later, she was helping him up, pressing an overlarge glass of water in his hands. He accepted it gratefully, and though the first swallow was painful, the water was cold and wet against his tongue. It felt good. He drained the entire glass._

_“Now, could you tell me your name? You were looking so cute in the forest that I just had to take you with me!” The girl was smiling down at him in a way that was supposed to be sweet but turned out somewhat scary._

_“_ Sa-Sasaki,” _He said, “_ M-M-Morikawa Sasaki desu. _”_

_“I’m sorry, but I don’t speak Japanese. You probably aren’t very good at English yet, are you? Don’t worry, I can help you! My name is Road.” She offered a smile that was more sweet this time, but Sasaki still didn’t trust it, though he didn’t know why. Something was off with this girl._

_“Er… where am I?” Sasaki asked tremulously. He didn’t know why, but he was starting to get very scared. Even though he was a boy and wasn’t supposed to be._

_“Oh, you’re on the Ark, of course, in my room! See, I just wanted a playmate. It’s so lonely. My sister is asleep, and she won’t wake up. Would you mind keeping me company, Sasaki-chan?”_

_Sasaki nodded mutely. He didn’t know what else to do._

_“Then let’s play dress-up, ‘kay?” Road said, going into a closet and pulling out a monumentally-sized gilded chest._

_“But boys aren’t supposed to play dress-up,” Sasaki complained. One time, the girls in the Science Department had dressed him and Chu-chan and Vikram in girl clothing, and it had been very embarrassing. His ears turned red just from the thought._

_The girl paused, her smile slipping just a bit. “You’re a boy!?” She exclaimed. Her smile grew again, and she added, “Well, I have a better game, then. How about we play let’s-pretend and we pretend you’re a girl? How ‘bout that, Sasaki-chan?”_

_Sasaki shook his head._

_“Aww, but I want to! Hey, can I call you Emiko? I think that’s much cuter and girlier, don’t you?” Road asked. Sasaki tried to shrink away, but the girl pulled at his wrists, making him stand up. He was dizzy, but she wouldn’t let him fall._

_“My name is Sasaki,” he insisted, but Road wasn’t listening. She was already going through her chest, searching for all sorts of girly clothing to dress him in._

_“How about this one, Emiko-chan!?” She suggested loudly, showing him a lurid pink, frilly number that looked a lot like the princess dress the Science Department women had forced Chu-chan to wear. Sasaki shook his head, horrified. The girl approached him anyway, holding it out to him. He tried to back up, but he was too dizzy. He fell, and Road descended on him, dressing him in the ugly outfit, all the while smiling with a hint of evil._

_-_

_“Emiko-chan, you eat atrociously! I’ve told you this a million times, you need to use your fork and knife like this!”_

_Road got up from her spot on the other side of the table and rushed over to him. She put her hands over his and directed him in the proper ways to use the utensils. As soon as she left his side, he once again tried to eat with them, but the movements were all awkward._

_“Geez, Emiko-chan, you’re so bad at this! But girls need to eat properly. You know, Sarah taught me these. She told me I was a bad girl if I didn’t eat with the utensils like that. You don’t want to be a bad girl, do you, Emiko? It’s not ladylike to be a bad girl.”_

_Sasaki knew what happened if he wasn’t a good girl, if he wasn’t ladylike. Road had made it clear that he would get hurt if he didn’t do it right. It wasn’t much—just a slap here or there or sometimes a kick to the groin (which she said shouldn’t hurt, but it did)—but it all added up. Emiko had never liked pain._ No! _Sasaki shook his head to clear it._ Sasaki didn’t like pain. _He_ didn’t like pain.

_Road came up to his side. “Are you trying to tell me no, Emiko-chan? That’s a bad idea. It’s not ladylike. You’re being a bad girl, Emiko!”_

_She tore the dress off, and an Akuma came into the room. Sasaki braced herself. She—no he—no... Sasaki didn’t know anymore—didn’t like the pain that came next. The bruising strike was followed by another and then another. It didn’t stop at the third this time. He felt something break. He screamed out in pain._

_“Boys don’t scream, so you must be a girl, right, Emiko-chan?” Road asked, pulling the Exorcist up and laying her out on the nearby bed. Emiko nodded, though she was in such pain that she didn’t know why. No, he was Sasaki, right? Or was that his surname? He didn’t know anymore._

_“You’re a girl, right?” Road insisted. Emiko nodded again, more resolutely. She was a girl, right? How many months had she been in this pain? All because she sometimes thought she was a boy…_ why _had she thought that?_

_“You’re a girl, aren’t you?” Road asked a third time, and Emiko felt the thing that had broken be placed properly. He screamed out again. It hurt._

_“Are you or aren’t you?”_

_“Y-yes! I’m a girl!” He shouted. Because he was, wasn’t she?_

_-_

_Emiko sat at the table, eating as delicately as possible, just as Road had taught her. She didn’t hurt anymore, except for the light throb from the broken shoulder bone that had happened three months ago. It was mostly healed, but it tended to hurt every once in a while._

_“Hey, Emiko-chan!” Road said, coming up beside her. “Are you done with breakfast?”_

_Emiko nodded, giving her friend and captor a smile. She loved playing with Road, even though she knew she shouldn’t. She didn’t quite remember why. Her memory was a bit fuzzy, but she didn’t mind. Road was there for her, as always._

_“Wanna play with me?” Road asked. Emiko smiled brightly at her._

_“Can we play dress-up? It’s my favorite! I love that one gold dress of yours. It’s so pretty!”_

_“Yeah, that’s a great idea!” Road exclaimed, taking Emiko’s hand and pulling her along until they reached the closet that held the beautiful, gold-rimmed chest that held all of her dress-up clothes._

_Road opened the closet and pulled out things for them to wear, just like always. This time, though, she produced a pair of gorgeous heels. “They’re too small for me—will you try them, Emiko-chan?” She asked. The Japanese girl nodded and stepped into them, walking around just like Road had made her practice a month ago._

_“Wow, Emiko-chan, you look so ladylike in those! Look how smoothly you walk. You’re so pretty,” Road complimented, clapping her hands. “You should see yourself in the mirror! Let’s go to the full-length one in the bathroom.”_

_They walked—or in Emiko’s case, clacked—over to the bathroom that was just off of Road’s room, smiles of joy on their faces. They were having so much fun. When they got there, though, there was a scary-looking older boy there. He had large muscles, and he was glaring down at them angrily._

_“Road, what the fuck is this?” He asked menacingly. The spiky-haired girl’s face went dark, an expression Emiko had never seen before. It was scary, too._

_“I’m playing. Do you have a problem with that, Chaz? You play with the humans, too, don’t you?”_

_“I smell Innocence around, it’s making my skin—”_

_“I don’t give a shit about your skin. Stop acting like you’re gay and go worry about something else. Honestly, Chaz, didn’t the Earl tell you to go after those stupid Exorcist twins? Why don’t you actually do your job?”_

_“They’re too powerful when they’re together,” the scary boy—Chaz, Emiko remembered—said, sounding almost sheepish. He looked around at anything but the two girls in front of him._

_“Then kill one of them while you distract the other. They’ve got the same Innocence, don’t they? It’s not that hard.”_

_“I’ll do it later,” he said._

_“You’d better. The Earl doesn’t like it when you slack,” Road patronized, wagging a playful finger._

_“Aren’t you doing the same?” The mean boy shot back. Road giggled._

_“I don’t have an assignment right now._ I’m _completely free.”_

_The boy growled and stomped out of the room. Road sighed in seeming relief._

_“Who was that?” Emiko asked, pulling on Road’s sleeve._

_“It’s not safe for you to be here anymore, Emiko-chan. I’m taking you home. I was gonna destroy your Innocence, but you can have it back. Just don’t expect me to go easy on you just because we’re friends.”_

_Emiko didn’t understand what Road was saying, but a second later, there was a diamond-patterned door right in front of her, and the other girl was ushering her through. She recognized the building immediately, though she couldn’t quite place it._

_“Best of luck, Emiko-chan, you’ll need it. We had fun, though, didn’t we?” Road called, stepping back through the door as it disappeared. Emiko looked around, confused. How could it just disappear like that, like it had just melted into the scenery? Sighing, she decided to go inside. It was raining and cold, so that seemed like a good choice._

_When she stepped in, though, there was a surprised voice._

_“…Sasaki?”_

-

“Emiko—Emiko? Are you listening to me?” Vikram said, shaking her a bit. Stunned, Emiko blinked in confusion.

“I’m sorry, Vikram. Where did I leave off?” She asked, facing him.

“You said something about Road leaving you at the door…” Vikram started, but his voice drifted off into nothing.

“Oh, I was saying that out loud? I guess that means I don’t have to relive it again, then,” Emiko said, shrugging. She didn’t really mind anymore. She’d gotten so used to the flashbacks ever since Road had joined them that they were becoming normal. She wasn’t traumatized by them any longer. She just wished they’d stop appearing in front of her eyes.

Vikram pulled her into a tight hug, one of his hands holding her head firmly to his chest. Emiko was surprised to feel her eyes leaking a bit. She shook, whether with cold or emotion she didn’t know, and Vikram held her closer.

“I’m never calling you Emiko again. I should never have humored you with that, anyway. I’m so sorry, Sasaki,” he muttered into her hair, pulling her closer still.

She hugged him back for lack of anything better to do. “Why did you?” She asked, her voice muffled by his chest.

“Because you asked me to call you that. I couldn’t refuse—you looked so different, your eyes were so haunted, although you didn’t seem to think they were. They were distant and… weird. And you kept saying you were a girl, someone named Emiko. I just… you needed support, so I gave it to you. But I’m not doing that anymore, Emi. Can I… call you Sasaki now?”

Emiko nodded against his chest. Vikram pulled back a bit, and when she looked up, it was in time for his lips to descend on hers. It was soft and quick and very undecided, as if Vikram was still testing himself. Emiko leaned back a bit, just staring into his eyes.

“You don’t know yet, do you?” She asked. Vikram looked conflicted and shook his head. “It’s okay, you still have time. Tell me when you do, okay?”

He nodded and hugged her again. “I’m sorry, Sasaki, I’m still really confused,” he admitted.

Emiko chuckled a bit. “That makes two of us.”

“How so?” He asked, his eyebrows raising in question.

“Well, I’m trying to decide if I’m a man or not. I still feel like a girl, but I’ve got man-parts, and they react in a manly wa—”

“Okay, I get the picture,” Vikram said, dumping her from his lap and standing up, blushing and purposefully not looking at her.

“They aren’t _now_ , you dolt!” She yelled in exasperation. “As if I would get turned on by _you_!”

Vikram whirled around, his face surprised and his eyes filled with something that looked suspiciously like hurt. “You… wouldn’t?” he asked in a tiny voice.

She felt like hitting herself in the face. “You’re such an _idiot!_ Of—of _course_ I would, but I wouldn’t _now_! We’re in the middle of Central Park, freezing to death!”

And suddenly, she was thrown into the snow, Vikram on top of her, coughing in a way that didn’t sound healthy.

“Vikram?” she asked, but the Indian man was already dragging her to her feet, his Innocence blazing around his wrist. Emiko felt herself being pulled down the paved trail, faster than her liking. She looked back and saw, with horror, the familiar, smiling face of Noah’s Strength. Emiko activated her Nunchucks and wrenched her arm from Vikram’s grasp. Turning on her heel, she faced the advancing Noah.

Her Innocence impacted the man’s chest but he wasn’t fazed at all, it only succeeded in diverting his punch, which landed in her gut, sending her flying. All the breath was knocked from her lungs, and she was unable to move.

She watched helplessly as Vikram’s Innocence struck, snakelike, at the Noah, winding around Strength’s wrist and biting down like a viper, releasing Innocence-ridden venom into the muscled man’s bloodstream. Strength hissed in pain but was strong enough to grab the Innocence constricting his wrist and yank it forward, Vikram flying along with it. Strength’s fist connected sickeningly with Vikram’s jaw. Emiko tried to stand up, but her stomach muscles were cramping too hard. She watched once more as Vikram was tossed away like a ragdoll. A few meters away, an all-too-familiar door appeared. Emiko sunk farther back into the snow.

Road was there.

Kanda and Lavi both walked out, carrying activated Innocence in their hands and glaring angrily at the strong Noah who was decimating the Asian Exorcists.

“Fuck!” She heard Kanda exclaim. A second later, she heard an explosion, and when she looked up, she saw three Level Threes raining attacks down on the newly-arrived Exorcists.

“Chaz, stop this!” Road screamed, but Lavi held her back.

“This isn’t your fight, Road! We’re not in your world or the Ark. You can’t manipulate anything. Just let us deal with the bastard,” the redheaded Exorcist said. She deflated and moved backward, walking back through her door dejectedly.

“Hiding, are you?” A voice above her cackled. While she hadn’t been paying attention, Strength had come up next to her, and now he was looming evilly, just as he had back when Emiko had been a little girl. She couldn’t move to get away, her stomach muscles wouldn’t work, and her legs were like puddles of jelly.

He kicked her, hitting the tender spot he’d already punched. She went flying again, passing over a mailbox before landing in another snowdrift. There were two explosions as Kanda and Lavi destroyed two of the Level Threes. Eyes tearing up in pain, coughing up blood, Emiko watched the rest of the battle, transfixed.

Kanda turned to the last Akuma, a determined glimmer in his eye. Behind him, Strength loomed. The American Noah hauled back for a disfiguring punch, but Lavi screamed something and jumped in its path. Chaz’s fist connected with the redhead’s shoulder, and there was a resounding _pop_ as Lavi, too, went flying. There was a strange sound as he hit the cement. Lavi whimpered, the pole of his Innocence extending toward the Noah, only to be batted away as if it was nothing more threatening than a fly.

By that time, the third Level Three was nothing more than flames and oil, and Kanda turned around to face off with the Noah. A door appeared in midair, and Road jumped out, attacking him like a feral monkey. She screeched and brought her arms too tightly around the Noah’s large, muscled neck.

“Chaz! What happened to Moral Strength? Stop attacking them, they haven’t done anything wrong!” She exclaimed, tightening her arms. Two candles appeared in her hands, though she couldn’t manipulate them like she could in her own world or in the Ark. Emiko found herself glad—she’d been on the end of those candles before, and it hadn’t been pleasant. Her arm twitched in remembered pain, but she ignored it, trying and failing to stand again. She coughed, too hard, and more blood ruined the pure white blanket of snow.

Chaz started to turn blue behind his ashen features. Road began stabbing him anywhere she could reach with the candles, though they barely broke his skin at all. Kanda was already trying to cut at the dark Noah, though his attacks did barely any more damage. Scowling, Kanda activated his blade further.

“ _Shigentou,_ ” he muttered, and his blade separated into two. The blades then connected with the addition of two more that became rounded near Kanda’s hands. It was a deadly, double-ended spear that would cut anyone but Kanda—and perhaps, Emiko amended, Lavi.

Another door appeared a moment later, this one from the Ark, and Emiko let herself pass out as a veritable line of Exorcists marched out to face Chaz, who was starting to look panicked. There was another blow that hit her. She dropped down, unable to stop the blackness from eating at her vision.

\---

The snake of beads shot out, biting at Strength with all of Vikram’s willpower. _Moyashi_ sent his sword after the Noah, who dodged it, leaving Emiko-kun and running through a hastily-made Ark portal. Yuu made to run after the Noah, but then he remembered Lavi was lying somewhere, injured, because he had been stupid enough to jump in front of him.

“Who’s injured?” He heard Allen call out as he searched for the stupid redhead. If he was still alive, Yuu was going to kill him. He passed Road, who was covered in blood—whether hers or someone else’s, Yuu didn’t care. She was tending to the Ass-Crack Indian. He was thrashing at her, but in the end, he was too weak to hold her off for long. Yuu saw Road’s disappointed look but passed by, not caring if she was upset over one tiny rebuke. In his opinion, she shouldn’t have expected everyone to forgive her at all. It was surprising how many people had. Yuu himself was indifferent to the situation. There was a small anger left over from the time she’d hurt Lavi, but other than that, he had no real opinion of the girl, nor did he need one.

He heard a groan that sounded very rabbit-like, but as he looked around, he couldn’t find its source.

“Kanda!” _Moyashi_ called. Yuu looked over. Perhaps _Moyashi_ had found Lavi?

He scowled down and the white-haired idiot, who was currently splayed over Lavi’s legs, obviously having tripped over them.

“You want to help me carry Lavi to the hospital?” He asked, smiling sheepishly up at Yuu. The dark-haired Exorcist intensified his scowl, and Allen shivered. It gave Yuu a warm feeling that he could still scare other people.

_Moyashi_ pulled himself up onto his knees and then asked, “Lavi, what hurts?”

“My pride,” Lavi groaned. “I think my shoulder got dislocated from that pu—and FUCK ALLEN, DON’T TOUCH MY HIP!”

Yuu hit Allen upside the head in a gesture to get him to go away. _Moyashi_ got the picture and moved back to create a door into the Ark. He went inside and returned a moment later with a gurney. Yuu stared contemplatively down at Lavi, unsure of how to move him. It seemed that any way would hurt him, and though the other man deserved it, the thought of hurting him was actually _repulsive_ to the dark-haired man. Bending down and snaking an arm under both Lavi’s back and knees, Yuu heaved him up. Lavi whimpered as he was moved, but Yuu only glared.

“If it hurts, you shouldn’t have gotten yourself injured,” he growled, dropping Lavi unceremoniously onto the gurney. Lavi whimpered again. Rolling him roughly inside, Yuu tried to ignore Lavi’s tiny, pained noises. Thankfully, the man was taken away by several doctors, and Yuu was left to follow, somewhat relieved that he wouldn’t have to face Lavi for a while. He was too angry to do it now.

An hour passed as Yuu meditated on the Ark’s hospital’s floor. It was uncomfortable, and he wished he had a mat, but it was better than simply staring at Lavi’s door. Because somehow, angry as he was, he was worried even more.

His peace was interrupted by a loud popping noise and Lavi’s exclamation of “OH, FUCK!” Losing his balance as he tried to stand up, Yuu quickly righted himself and slammed into the room.

“Oh, Yuu-chan, you’re—HOLY FUCKING JESUS!” Another popping noise echoed through the room as the doctors realigned his hip.

“Okay, we need post-reduction x-rays on his shoulder and hip, and _you_ —” the doctor turned and pointed almost accusatorily at Lavi, “—need to refrain from strenuous activities for a while. This includes your duties as an Exorcist, so you’ll be off the active list. I expect you to be on bed rest for three weeks.”

“Wait—what? What did I do to deserve this?” Lavi asked. Yuu scoffed quietly, enough so that Lavi couldn’t hear it.

“Your original x-rays show a tiny hairline fracture in your hip. It’ll get worse if you don’t stay off it—or we could bandage it, if you want,” the doctor offered, grinning in a nearly evil fashion.

“No, that’s okay,” Lavi said nervously, blanching slightly.

“And strenuous activities include sex, so don’t even think of that,” the doctor warned. Yuu tried not to look disappointed, though Lavi was making a sad enough expression for the both of them. Because he _was_ disappointed that Lavi wouldn’t be able to _touch_ him. He didn’t know when it had begun, but at some point, Yuu had started craving the other man, had started wanting to be in physical contact with him. But he was also glad that Lavi was getting punished in a way that would equate to torture. He deserved it for _doing this to Yuu._

The doctor left the room, allowing Yuu a bit of time before Lavi was taken off to the x-rays again. The second Yuu was sure the healthcare official was out of earshot, he rounded on the redhead, glare back on his face and scowl on his features.

“What the fuck was that, Lavi?” He inquired, making his voice as icy as he could manage. Lavi paled further.

“What are you talking about, Yuu?” He asked in a quivering voice. If he hadn’t already had two dislocated appendages and a slightly broken bone, Yuu would have punched the idiot.

“ _You jumped in front of me,_ ” He hissed.

“You were going to get hurt, what else could I do?” Lavi exclaimed, trying to sit up in his aggravation and grimacing.

“I can heal—you can’t, so don’t you _ever_ do that again! _This_ is why I didn’t want you to know about the Lotus! I _knew_ you were going to do something _stupid_ like this. Just don’t… don’t ever do it again.” His voice grew very soft as he finished his plea—and that’s what it was, Yuu could admit without losing any of his pride—and Lavi stirred again, as if trying to get up and then thinking better of it.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt any further. If you… die…” Lavi choked on the word, as if he couldn’t quite say it, couldn’t quite comprehend the possibility, “…then I will, too. I don’t want us to die, Yuu.”

“ _Baka_ ,” Yuu whispered, walking over and taking Lavi’s hand. He didn’t want to hug him for fear of hurting his shoulder any more. Lavi looked up at him, seeming surprised. “I refuse to die. I have too much to live for now.”

Lavi’s eye melted from a hardened, defensive expression to one of liquid jade. Yuu cursed himself for being overly-poetic. Lavi’s eye was green, not jade. Just green. But regardless of what it was, it melted, softened as Lavi’s face did the same. He looked tenderly up at Yuu in a way the dark-haired man couldn’t understand.

“Aw, Yuu, you’re flattering me,” he said, fluttering his eye in a way that made Yuu want to punch him.

“Shut up. I want to die now,” he replied, ripping his hand from Lavi’s and storming from the room, ignoring the plaintive “Yuuuuuuu!” that followed him.

\---

Walking out into the courtyard, Yuu was both shocked and annoyed to see all the idiots making merry in front of a large screen set up next to Road. Curious despite himself, he walked up.

“—f you could just wait a minute, I’ll try to contact her. I can access her dreams if I try hard enough…” Road was saying, looking exasperatedly out at the crowd of soldiers.

“What is she doing?” A soldier asked another as Yuu walked by. He slowed his gait in order to hear the answer.

“She’s going to contact the Noah of Faith. I don’t know why, but apparently, she may know the Earl’s plans or something—”

Yuu walked on, not caring for the rest of the sentence. He strode over to _Moyashi_ , who was holding Lenalee’s hand and looking anxiously over at Road.

“She’s awake?” The girl in question said, sounding both shocked and relieved. She put a hand up to her forehead and closed her eyes, her face going slack as she left the conscious world. Abruptly, the screen jumped to life, and a voice came over the speaker.

“I hope you guys can hear me.”

Road appeared on the screen at a dining table. “ _Faith,_ ” the girl said, and abruptly, there was a thick wire of some sort at Road’s side. She plucked it, sending a strong vibration down it as if playing a harp. A door in her mind opened, and a girl stepped into the room.

Yuu had never cared for looks, though he definitely didn’t mind Lavi’s, but this girl was nothing short of beautiful. The very air glowed around her in a holy light, emphasizing her dark brown hair that cascaded to her ankles. She had shocking blue eyes, which didn’t quite fit with her Middle Eastern appearance, but Yuu ignored that because this girl was literally _perfect._ He immediately made the connection. This Noah of Faith was pure, strong, and obviously the origin of the others. Her stigmata was much like Allen’s, Lenalee’s, and Road’s, but it seemed even more graceful, if that was possible.

“Is everything set up?” Faith asked, as if Road hadn’t just had this idea spur-of-the-moment.

“Yes, they’re watching now. You’re awake? Has the Earl stopped drugging you?” Road questioned, her face a mask of worry.

“Yes, he’s convinced that I’m with him now,” the holy girl responded. She chuckled lightly, her voice chiming like bells in a way that was too perfect for Yuu to be angry at. “He should see that I’m not, but he’s too blinded by the thought of revenge to see that I haven’t darkened.”

“I would be very sad if you did that,” Road said quietly. Faith smiled down at her, another radiant smile that failed to boil Yuu’s blood.

“You’re too sweet, Road. Now, I’m going to converse with him. He hasn’t told me the complete plan yet. He’s only just told me in broad terms what he’s going to do.” She smiled wryly and looked toward the screen. “You all must stop him. Six must never happen.”

Yuu had no idea what the fuck she was talking about, but he took her word for it. The raw fear that marred her face convinced him to stay and listen, rather than grab Lavi and wheel him out. He could tell the stupid rabbit later.

A window appeared as the heavenly girl walked out of the room, supposedly back to reality. The window grew larger until that was all that appeared on the screen. Through it, Yuu saw a small room. The walls were a nice, even white, and the curtains were likewise. A soft golden comforter covered an eggshell-white bed. In the corner was a small desk crafted from what Yuu supposed was cherry, though he wasn’t sure, not being a carpenter. The only other thing he saw was a cheery window with a small alcove to sit in, much like the one he’d found Miranda in the other day.

It was a beautiful room, just like the girl who resided in it. The first sign of discord was the door—made of the same wood as the desk—opening to admit a fat man in an overcoat. The Earl. He smiled down at the heavenly girl, taking his top hat from his head, sweeping down into a bow.

“How are we today, my dear ?” He asked, his voice high in a way that forced ripples down Yuu’s spine. He scowled at the screen. He need not _fear_ the Earl. It was unnecessary.

“I’m just perfect today, Earl. You’ve been dancing around one topic that I’d really like to know about, though,” Faith began innocently. The Earl raised his eyebrows, which Yuu was vaguely surprised he had. Not that he would mention that to anyone. It just didn’t seem right for their enemy to have human-like features. It made them all the more similar, and it made him all the more hard to kill.

“And what is that, Faith ?” The Earl asked almost sweetly. The tone made Yuu want to empty his breakfast onto the cobblestones.

“Well, it is for my revenge… and I was kinda hoping… you would tell me what your plan is,” Faith said, looking down and blushing convincingly as she fiddled with her fingers. _“If you actually do it, and Allen and Lenalee don’t stop you, I’ll kill you, you bastard!_ ” She shouted, though her lips didn’t move. Yuu made an interested grunt as he realized those were her inner thoughts.

“Really ? You really want to know? It’s really great !”

“Really?” Faith asked, looking up at the Earl with an innocent expression of near-happiness and anticipation. “ _No, it’s not great! It’s horrible! So many people are going to die!”_

“Well, this is what I have planned out so far, though I don’t know when to do it. Perhaps you can help me ,” the Earl offered, turning his palms up invitingly. Faith smiled and gestured for him to continue. “I’m going to create a Level Six—I’ve told you that before, though, haven’t I?” At Faith’s nod, he continued. “Well, I’ve decided I’m sick of waiting for them to find me, so I’ll take the battle to them . I’m thinking The Eye in London, so people across the sea can _see_ as well. And isn’t it poetic that it is also called the Millennium Wheel? It shall be our vehicle to revenge .”

“Wow, Earl, that’s really… I don’t even have a word to describe it!” Faith exclaimed, smiling. Looking closely, Yuu saw it didn’t meet her eyes. “ _Six can never happen, Six can never happen, Six can never happen... Where did he get all the pieces?”_

Yuu raised his eyebrows. Pieces?

“But Earl, how can you create it? You’ve only got the eye, the flesh, and the blood, right? You can’t create a Level Six without a heart, too, right?” She asked, sounding slightly worried. In her head, she added. “ _Where did he get it?_ How _did he get it? This doesn’t make sense. None of the Exorcists have died besides poor Artemis, Bak, and Kevin—_ ” Who was Kevin? “— _and all their bodies were recovered. Road would have told me… unless something happened today?”_

Road appeared on the screen, next to the window. “No, Faith,” she said quietly, holding the wire she’d plucked a few minutes before. “No one died today. I don’t know what he’s talking about either.”

“Chaz failed to get an Exorcist heart, as you know, so we’ll have to settle for something… sub-par . But don’t you worry, Faith, it’ll take a little longer, but the Six will be just as strong ,” the Earl reassured her. Faith’s eye became wide in horror, though she managed to hide it quickly as acute joy.

“Oh, Earl, this is great news! I have the perfect day!” In her head, blaring on the screen, she implored Road, “ _How soon can you guys be ready?_ ”

Allen looked around, surveying the soldiers. “Maybe February, at the earliest. They still could use a bit of training, and we’re injured. We need time to heal.”

Road conveyed the message to Faith as the Earl asked her for the date she wanted. “Why, February the fourteen,” Faith said, smiling. “It’s very poetic isn’t it?”

Yuu hated poetic things.

The Earl brought a hand to his chin contemplatively. “Hmmm… that’s perfect, Faith . What a great idea. The fourteenth day of the second month in the year 2014. It’s absolutely stunning. It’s… as perfect as you .”

“ _It must never happen, don’t let it happen, it must never happen, don’t let it happen…”_ Faith chanted in her head, the mantra growing ever louder as the Earl left the room and the window into Faith’s room collapsed into nothing. Still, the litany continued, stronger than before, until Faith was screaming it through the Ark. Road descended back into the real world and the connection severed, cutting Faith’s near-tirade off in the middle. When Yuu looked at Road, she was crying, but he didn’t care about her. Lavi needed to know.

When he got back to the hospital, Lavi was grimacing in slight pain, and the doctor was lecturing him about some insignificant thing he’d probably just done.

“Out,” Yuu grunted, gesturing for the doctor to leave by placing a hand on Mugen’s suddenly activated hilt. The doctor nodded and left, though he shot Yuu a dirty look, as if he didn’t like being threatened or something. “Lavi, there’s been an interesting… development.”

“Oh, has Allen finally gotten together with Lenalee?” Lavi asked lightly. Yuu sighed.

“No, idiot, we know where the Earl will be on the fourteenth of February—and what he’s doing.” Lavi’s eyebrow shot up beyond his hairline in acute interest, and Yuu continued on in the explanation. When he was finished, Lavi hit the back of his head on the gurney he was still lying atop.

He didn’t comment on it, just stared Yuu in the eye and wordlessly begged him to get him out of the fucking hospital. Yuu picked him up and carried him awkwardly back to the room. He ignored the incredulous stares of the other Exorcists and soldiers as he hauled Lavi across the Ark.

\---

Allen stared at the ridiculous sight ahead and then turned back to Lenalee, who had Road in her lap. The latter of the two was shaking heavily, for some reason Allen didn’t know, but he felt callous just ignoring it.

“Hey, Road,” he said, kneeling down to be more on her level, “why don’t you go with Amanda. She’ll definitely cheer you up.”

Amanda, who had come up, no doubt concerned for her newfound friend, nodded emphatically and ushered Road away, already chatting about things they could do. By the time they reached the Exorcist alleyway, Road was beginning to laugh again.

He turned to Lenalee, offering her a hand, which she took, pulling herself up. She reached out and hugged him immediately, burrowing her head underneath his chin. She made a sniffing noise, and Allen shifted back a bit.

“Lenalee, what are you doing?” He asked, not quite sure what to make of the situation.

“I’m smelling you,” she responded against his collarbone. Allen blushed.

“May I ask why?” He inquired, shifting subtly.

“So I’ll never forget it,” she replied simply.

“Do I smell nice?” He asked, feeling awkward.

“Yes, like something green and alive, like leather, and like… like _home,_ ” she muttered, her lips brushing against his collarbone again. Allen shivered in a pleasant way. Lenalee thought of him as home, and that in itself was sweeter than Jerry’s best _mitarashi dango_. He pulled her closer, encircling his arms around her slim waist. She sighed, the breath parting against his neck in a sensual way.

“Lenalee…” he said, leaning back so that he could look into her eyes. She looked so sweet in that moment, caring and beautiful and so inexorably _Lenalee_. That look reminded him of exactly why he loved this girl, why he would move more than earth and sky just to keep her safe and happy, why he would splay himself down as her servant if she merely asked.

He wished it had been he who had made the soup, rather than Kanda. He had been too sick, though, and Kanda’s had tasted very good, he would admit grudgingly. But if Lenalee would let him, he would take care of her. Always.

_What the fuck?_ He thought. _When did I become such a sap?_ But it was for Lenalee, and he’d be anything for her.


	32. Fix You

Chapter 29—Fix You

__December 31, 2013—Allen’s Ark

Yuu didn’t like parties. He also didn’t like sweet things. Another thing he didn’t like was over-inquisitive _Moyashis_ and Lenalees who wouldn’t stop their persistent, invasive questions that Yuu _didn’t want to answer_.

He walked away from them, probably a bit rudely, for the sixth time that evening, shouting nastily over his shoulder, “go choke on a pretzel!” He heard _Moyashi_ splutter, but he simply didn’t give a damn. He searched the room for Lavi, who he’d been separated from in his quest to escape the two prying brats. And yes, this time, Lenalee was being a brat.

“Yuu,” Lavi said, smiling as the dark-haired man walked over. He tried to smile back, but it came out as a grimace-smirk hybrid that he didn’t like at all. Lavi snorted. “Your face is funny,” he commented, pulling Yuu’s head down to his height—he was sitting in a wheelchair—and giving him a light kiss. Yuu’s strange expression dropped, and Lavi pulled back, smiling in a satisfied way. Yuu glared, but he didn’t mean it.

“Oh, come off it, Yuu-chan, you know you like being touched. Don’t lie.”

Yuu’s glare deepened, and he felt a scowl forming on his lips, one Lavi couldn’t simply kiss away.

“Okay, you’re really angry right now. What’s going on?”Lavi asked, seeming to backtrack a bit and immediately becoming more serious.

Taking a seat on the bench next to his lover—he could think it now, especially after what had happened on Christmas—Yuu sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head back in frustration. “They won’t fucking leave me alone,” he said, his tone sounding very near to a complaint. He felt a featherlight touch at his fringe. He cracked his eyes open enough to see Lavi caressing his forehead and then running his fingers through the hair he had left down.

“What are they sayin’, Yuu-chan?” Lavi asked softly, reaching up and repeating the action. Yuu closed his eyes again, reveling at the touch. Lavi moved his hand to the crown of Yuu’s head and began to gently massage his scalp, drawing out the lightest of moans from him, though he hadn’t meant to make a sound.

“They want to _know_. I don’t want them to, Lavi,” he said, knowing the other man would comprehend. Lavi made a humming noise, and the massaging hand turned just slightly rougher, though it was still just as soothing. Yuu fought against another unintentional sound, tossing it back down in his throat, where it was coming from.

“Then don’t tell them,” Lavi suggested softly. Yuu nodded, accidentally dislodging the hand for a second. It rolled down his hair, running through its length before returning to his scalp with more pressure than before. It felt very, very good.

“Hey, loves!” The Infernal Girl exclaimed, making Yuu jump and reach for Mugen’s hilt, which, of course, wasn’t there, as he hadn’t activated it. Some reflexes never died. “The Condom Fairy has arrived!”

Yuu stared at the girl in incredulity. “What the fuck is that?” He asked, scowling at her.

“Why is Darcy in a tutu?” Lavi snorted, removing his hand from Yuu’s hair. Yuu missed it, wanted to pull it back, but he didn’t. He wasn’t some stupid, clingy little girl. Like that Little Fucker who’d been riding on his leg for the last week and a half, never giving him any privacy. Or personal space.

“Because he’s the Condom Fairy, and he’s giving out free condoms!” Amanda said, smiling happily and patting her boyfriend on the back. Darcy sighed resignedly.

“The Health Department is making me hand them out, something about how everyone has sex on New Years. Anyway, take some.” He shook his basket forlornly, and little, square packages jumped around with the movement.

Lavi picked one out, inspecting it with interest. “People actually use these?” He asked, sounding mildly interested.

“Well, yeah, I mean, you wouldn’t want to get STDs or, like, pregnant and like, die, or something,” the Infernal Girl explained matter-of-factly, grabbing two large handfuls and tossing them into Yuu’s and Lavi’s laps. They fell with a crinkly sound that made Yuu think of the wrapping paper from Christmas.

“They actually do something to prevent it? Don’t they break easily?” Lavi asked.

“Well, they’re better now than whatever you had back then. What _did_ you have? The pull-out technique?”

“We had rubber condoms, too,” Lavi insisted. The Infernal Girl snorted.

“Really? Doesn’t look like it to me, what with all the illegitimates goin’ on.” She dismissed him with a wave of her hand.

Yuu didn’t want to listen to this, so he stood up, allowing the numerous condoms to fall to the ground, and walked off. He went over toward the food, finding a bowl of pretzels. He felt like pelting _Moyashi_ with them, but then he remembered he was avoiding the stupid little brat. Scowling at the pretzels, he moved on down the table, looking for something else that wasn’t sweet. Or alcoholic.

He should have realized he would have found _Moyashi_ at the food table, along with the other parasitic-types.

“Oi, Kanda, will you at least talk to Lenalee? She’s really worried about you. You don’t have to tell her anything, just… let her worry about you, okay?” _Moyashi_ insisted. Yuu activated Mugen as he ground his teeth together, just so he could have something to hold on to.

He didn’t answer, simply moving away, but _Moyashi_ followed, and somehow, Lenalee appeared at his side.

“Yuu-kun,” she said, tugging at his formal Exorcist jacket—Lavi was wearing a different, more reasonably-sized one—with a desperate look on her face.

“It’s none of your business,” he growled, staring at her hatefully. She flinched back from the expression a little, but then her face hardened into a determined mask.

“Yuu-kun, I’m not asking anymore. Listen, you can’t not tell anyone. It’s… I _know_ about these kind of things—well, not your kind of things, but mental injury in general—and I _know_ you need to talk about it. Please, just tell me,” she pleaded. Yuu tried to rip his jacket from her grip, but she held on stubbornly, frowning at him as if she hadn’t been expecting a rebuke.

“It’s not your business,” Yuu snapped, attempting to pull away again. “I _don’t_ need to talk about it. It’s fine as it is.”

Lenalee held on more tightly, finally grabbing his wrist. Yuu froze. He didn’t like having his wrists grabbed. Lavi knew that. Lavi didn’t grab his wrists. But Lenalee was. She wasn’t his father, but she was trying to restrain him, force something out of him that he didn’t want to tell her, and it was suddenly very frightening. The world started to enclose around him, the edges folding away into nothingness. Everything was collapsing, and all there was was the sensation of Lenalee’s tight grip on his wrist, matching the angle and strength of his father’s just before he was raped.

It hurt, too. He still had the scars from the shackles the Order had forced on him. The Lotus hadn’t hidden them away, though it had healed him properly. They still hurt, and Lenalee’s grip also reminded him of the dark. He began to shake. Everything was dark, because the only other thing in this world besides him was Lenalee, and she was _scaring_ him. Yuu could admit that. He was scared. Shadows of the past and the present came to haunt him, and he couldn’t escape. There was no escape. There was simply him and the darkness and Lenalee, too, simply hurting him, not caring for him. He needed to get away. He shifted his eyes around, looking for an exit but seeing none. All he saw was darkness. All he felt was the shackles, Lenalee’s grip, his father’s horrendous touch.

Heat flowed through his veins. Adrenaline, he supposed. It pounded through his speeding, racing heart and soared through his limbs, empowering him, but he could do nothing. He could only stand there, terrified and shaking, as everything collapsed around him. Vaguely, somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, he wondered why he was reacting like this, but then that thought was cut off as all but the most basic functions died.

“ALLEN! LENALEE! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE! I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU!”

The world expanded again, rapidly. Lavi was there. Lavi’s voice. It healed him, pulled him back like he was a fish on the line leading to a fishing rabbit. He fell to the floor as Lenalee released him and walked off, looking curious. His knees were simply too weak. He loved Lavi. He really did. So much. He knew. Lavi knew exactly what Yuu needed, and he provided it. Tears threatened to splash down his cheeks, and he shook more with the effort of not releasing them. He couldn’t cry. He didn’t want to. He was done crying over the shadow of his father.

Lavi walked over to him, his wheelchair discarded, and he helped Yuu up, pulling him into a quick embrace. Yuu went into it willingly. He needed to not cry. He needed to touch and be touched in return. He needed Lavi.

That wonderful, stupid rabbit that he hated and loved with a burning passion that surprised him led him out of the Main Plaza, pulling him through the alleyway and into their room. Lavi lagged for a second so that he could put his arm around Yuu. They got to the door, and suddenly, all the chains broke, vanished, as if they’d never been there in the first place.

Placing his head softly on Lavi’s shoulder, he breathed deeply and sighed out the words he had been unable to say for so long. “I love you,” he whispered breathily on the edge of his sigh.

Lavi froze. Yuu did, too. They stepped apart and stared at each other for a moment. “I… love you?” the Japanese man said quietly, shocked. He looked at his hands, and then back at his lover, and then back to his hands again, and then once more to Lavi. “I love you,” he repeated firmly. He laughed in an almost joyous fashion. “I love you!” He exclaimed blissfully.

Tears flowed smoothly down Lavi’s face. The other man was smiling almost peacefully, but the tears still fell.

“Why are you crying, _Baka Usagi?_ ” He asked, smiling and laughing in wonder.

“You… you said it,” Lavi wailed, throwing his arms around Yuu and tackling him to the ground. Yuu grunted in pain.

“You’re not supposed to do anything strenuous,” he muttered, placing a hand on Lavi’s red head and rubbing softly. The arms around his neck only strangled him a little bit.

“This ain’t strenuous, Yuu. I’m just lyin’ here with my lover, cryin’.”

Yuu scoffed. “You’re an idiot,” he whispered, and Lavi shivered against him. “Now get off me.”

Lavi complied. “ _Ne,_ Yuu, say it again,” he requested.

“No,” Yuu said. He didn’t need to. There were no chains, but he’d just said it four times, and he thought that was more than enough.

“Please?”

“No.”

“ _Pleeeaaase?_ ” Lavi looked so very desperate that Yuu couldn’t quite refuse. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Fine. I love you. Go away.”

“Yay!” Lavi threw up his hands in celebration. “Ow!” He winced as his not-quite-healed shoulder cracked loudly. Yuu chuckled under his breath. _Karma,_ he thought. “ _Ne,_ let’s stay up and watch the dawn together,” the redhead suggested, taking Yuu’s hand and pulling him onto the bed.

Yuu nodded and slid a bit closer to the man he could now call his lover. Resting his head on Lavi’s shoulder again, he sighed once more. He closed his eyes, drinking in the peace of the moment. Lavi’s arm snuck around him, soft and warm on his back. He put his arm around Lavi, too, resting his hand on the mattress on the man’s other side. Everything was so very warm and comfortable, and Lavi was there, and he loved Lavi.

They had meant to stay up, but within minutes, they were both asleep, peaceful smiles on their faces as their minds finally gave way to dreams.

\---

The nightmare came abruptly. The light of his previous dream darkened. Noise and alcohol reeked into his senses. There was a stumbling sound, and he quivered back into the door when his father came into view. His father said something that he, for some reason, couldn’t understand and then carried him off into his room.

He was tossed unceremoniously onto his bed, something that only happened when his father had something particularly bad planned for him.

“Don’t get in my way again,” his father hissed, taking a swig from his wine bottle. Vaguely, he wondered why his father was drinking wine rather than sake, but his train of thought was ripped away as his father placed the bottle on the ground and tugged at the hems of his pant legs. He held onto them, holding them in place tightly, but his father overpowered him, pulling them off with a force that dumped him to the floor.

“Oh, no, you ain’t escapin’,” his father slurred, tossing him roughly back onto the bed. He wished his mother wasn’t sick. Then, maybe, he could cry out. Even if it meant hurting worse, he didn’t like the way this time was going. His father usually didn’t start out with rape. He usually used his sick foreplay of bites and scratches, punches and kicks. But hands were already ripping at his shirt, tearing it away as if it were a minute, trivial nuisance to be discarded at will.

“No,” he whispered unintentionally. The first of the pain hit him in an agonizing punch to the gut.

“Whaddid I say ‘bout talkin’?” His father hissed menacingly. He clamped his mouth shut. He didn’t want more pain, not if he was going to be humiliated again. His father took another swig from his bottle as he flipped him over. “Hmmm… you like wine, don’tcha?”

Pain, horrifying, gut-wrenching, excruciating, unbearable pain rippled below in a place his father had hurt so many times before. Cold liquid spewed out, freezing him inside, but the bottle _hurt_. He didn’t cry out, but the tears wouldn’t stay at bay. His father couldn’t see them, so he hid his face in the mattress, nearly suffocating himself as he burrowed further.

It hurt, and liquid was leaking, wasted and burning everywhere. The bottle cracked in a way he didn’t like, and then blood joined the wine. Alcohol seared his cuts, but still he didn’t cry out. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

His father laughed and sat on him, driving the bottle in further, hurting him more. He made a keening, sobbing sound, but it was drowned out by his father’s insane chuckles.

“Feel good?” His father asked. He didn’t shake his head, didn’t respond. His father didn’t like that. The man did something that drove the glass deeper into the already internal wounds. He gasped out, inhaling sheets and mattress and anything but air. Tears fell in silent sobs from his eyes.

And then Allen Walker woke up, screaming, gasping for breath, with Lenalee mirroring his expression and vocals next to him. As one, they jumped off the bed and ran to the nearest bathroom, emptying their stomachs. Allen’s was mostly bile—his metabolism was too fast to have not broken any of the food down—but Lenalee stayed over the toilet for a while. Allen joined her after regaining his breath, and he held her hair back as she retched and retched and retched until nothing could come out anymore. He held her in his arms as she dry heaved, incidental tears forming at the corners of her eyes. He kissed them away and held her until her desolate moans quieted and she was only shaking in his arms.

She opened her dark eyes and whispered, “Yuu-kun.” And then the tears were back. Allen brushed them all away with gentle, delicate movements. Carefully, he picked her up, placed her on her feet. She nodded at him, and in unspoken agreement, they walked to Kanda’s room. Their pace wasn’t leisurely, but it wasn’t hurrying, either. Neither of them wanted to believe it was true, but they knew that hadn’t been their dream.

They weren’t alone in their concern. As they passed back through the Main Plaza from the bathroom, they saw most of the soldiers spilling out. Darcy and Amanda, Miranda and Lolek, Emiko and Vikram, they were all sitting in a circle, looking at each other with dark, haunted eyes. A wail echoed out through the Ark, and Allen saw the little Exorcist, Krista, bawling into Cyrah Kabbah’s lap. Chu-chan was sitting with his head in his hands, the tiny British Exorcist Elliot, who Allen would have hated because he set his hair on fire, sitting beside him, and Tamas had a firm hand on Tuan's shoulder. It looked to Allen as if the second man was trying to hold himself up. Hok'ee was leaning next to Michel his arms warpped around himself, mumbling to himself in a language Allen had never heard.

Allen looked at Lenalee. “It wasn’t just us?” He asked. Lenalee looked just as horrified as he felt.

They walked faster, intending to get to Kanda’s room before anyone else did. They shooed away a soldier who was about to knock and entered. They saw Lavi holding Kanda to his chest, petting the Japanese man’s hair soothingly and looking somewhat relieved. He was whispering stupid things that Allen couldn’t quite hear.

“What are you guys doing here?” Lavi asked, noticing them. “And why are you both shaking? And looking so… disturbed? And why are you looking at Yuu like that? What’s going on? Who died?”

“No one died, Lavi,” Allen said hoarsely. “Something strange happened. We don’t quite know what, but everyone—”

A door opened, emitting a wildly shaking Road, who fell tremulously to the floor.

“Road!” Lenalee called, rushing to the other girl’s side. “Road, are you okay? What happened to you?”

“I’m s-s-so sorry!” The Noah wailed, clutching at Lenalee and pulling her down the rest of the way to the floor. “It’s a-a-all m-my f-f-faaaault!”

Lavi couldn’t move, but he looked alarmed. “What’s going on? Seriously, guys, why the fuck is Road sobbing on my floor?”

“I-it was too strooong! I—I c-couldn’t contr-trol it. I th-th-think I sent it to everyoooone!” Road continued to blubber. Lenalee held her, and Allen kneeled down next her, putting a hand on Lenalee’s back and offering Road what comfort he could.

“Lavi,” he said, looking up at the redhead who was peering over his footboard in order to see them all. Kanda’s head was still against his chest, and he was still absently running his hand through the man’s hair. “Has Kanda ever told you anything about… a wine bottle?” He asked hesitantly.

Lavi blanched, and his face turned into an appalled mask. “Y-you saw the wine bottle?” He asked quietly, finally realizing what happened. “Were you guys prying again?”

“No, Lavi,” Lenalee said in a hushed, anguished voice. “ _Everyone_ saw. How did you not?”

“I wake up to his screams. Always,” Lavi said unsteadily.

Road got up on shaking legs, pushing him and Lenalee away. She tottered over to the bed and placed a hand on Kanda’s forehead, looking instantly relieved.

“He’s having a good dream now. It’s funny, though, almost childish,” she said, her voice shaking only slightly. Her tears seemed to have disappeared, a miracle for which Allen was thankful. He wasn’t good with tears. He was only good with Lenalee’s.

“Of course it is,” Lavi whispered. “He can only be a child in his dreams. What’s he seeing now?”

“It’s set in a meadow, and there are lotuses in the sky. There’s a rice bowl in the middle of the grass. Inside is a large amount of tempura. And there are bunnies—lots of them. They’re all white, except for those two off at the side. One is orange, and the other is black. They’re really close together, and they look almost… peaceful,” Road said, her eyes going out of focus as she placed her hand on Kanda’s forehead again.

“I don’t really understand it,” Allen said, scratching his head and trying not to think about the nightmare he’d just had.

“No, it makes perfect sense,” Lavi disagreed, still speaking quietly. Allen assumed it was to keep Kanda asleep. “You saw him eating tempura for lunch. It’s obvious he’d be thinking about his Lotus, even in his sleep. And the rabbits are some form of me, I would assume. Although, I don’t know why he’d want _white_ ones. I’d pick a cooler color myself, like brown or something.”

Road, who still had her hand on Kanda’s forehead, chuckled. “They’re all brown now, except for the orange and black ones.”

“Really?” Lavi asked, looking intrigued. He leaned down and kissed the crown of Kanda’s forehead. That was a gesture Allen wanted to repeat on Lenalee, but he knew he couldn’t. “Yuu, you sleep too lightly,” Lavi whispered down at his lover. “And you shouldn’t take my advice so readily. If you want white rabbits, you can have ‘em that way. It’s your dream, not mine,” he added.

“They’re still brown,” Road insisted as she pulled her hand away. She was still shaking, but it wasn’t nearly as pronounced.

“I’m sorry, but… could you guys leave? I don’t want him to wake up… And if you could keep the others from the room, well… I don’t want Yuu to kill them. ‘Cause he’s gonna be incensed when he wakes up. You shouldn’t be around him when he does.”

Allen nodded and pulled Lenalee away. Road created another door and tried to stumble through it, but Allen pulled her along, too. “You had a seizure, didn’t you?” He asked quietly as they closed Lavi’s door. She nodded, and he tugged her with them. He let go of Lenalee when the Noah collapsed, and he carried her back to her bed. He even tucked her in. “Sleep well,” he said quietly, leaving the room with Lenalee at his side.

Immediately, he pulled the girl he loved into his arms. She was so distraught, that was obvious from her eyes, and Allen needed to comfort her. She needed it. He needed it, too. They held onto each other and went back to the Main Plaza.

“Anyone who bothers them will be left in the middle of the Sahara Desert, so leave them alone,” Allen announced tiredly. Everyone nodded slowly, as if they couldn’t muster enough energy to make any faster movements. Allen understood. The nightmare had been horrible. Sitting down in the circle of Exorcists, he held Lenalee as she began to cry again.

Allen wished fervently that they hadn’t tried to pry into Kanda’s past. It was something he never wanted to delve deeper into, though he knew Lenalee didn’t feel the same. Still, he knew she would wait for Kanda to come to her, and perhaps that would be for the best.

\---

_January 1, 2014—Allen’s Ark_

Yuu was thankful all the stupid-ass little birds were away on their trip to the south so they couldn’t wake him. And yet, there was something fucking _chirping_ outside, ruining his good dream and popping it away like it was a bubble. He sat up to glower at the window, but he couldn’t move. Something was holding him tightly in place, restricting his movements. He kicked it. It was annoying.

Lavi made a grunting sound and woke with a gasp. Yuu suddenly understood what was holding him and scoffed. He made to pull away, but the stupid rabbit just grabbed him closer until their bodies were stuck together.

“Rabbit, get the fuck off,” Yuu muttered, trying to push the other man off him.

“No, it’s warm,” Lavi murmured into Yuu’s neck, his breath hitting the skin in tantalizing patterns.

Yuu sat up, taking the other man with him. “Get off,” he said, trying to sound threatening, but it only came out as a low, breathy sound he couldn’t believe he’d made.

Reluctantly, Lavi backed away, turning so that he was sitting with his legs off the side of the bed. He made to get up, but Yuu didn’t want Lavi to actually leave. He grabbed Lavi’s shoulders and leaned forward, putting his weight on the redhead. “I said ‘get off,’ not ‘go away,’” he hissed in Lavi’s ear. The idiot’s earring caught the light, blinding him momentarily, and he suddenly had an idea.

Tilting his head to the side, he took the lobe of Lavi’s ear into his mouth, sucking gently on the soft skin. Lavi made a gasping noise and stiffened beneath him.

“Yuu…” he started. Yuu smiled slightly and stuck his tongue through the earring, massaging the skin there, too. “Yuu, I really haveta… ah.”

Lavi began to writhe under his ministrations, making broken little mewling sounds. Turning his head just a bit more, Yuu used his teeth to hold the earring still.

“Yuu, there’s…” Lavi gasped out wildly. With his tongue, Yuu unhooked the hinge that kept the earring in place and removed the band into his mouth, eliciting a loud moan from Lavi, who was shuddering. There was a squeaking sound, and Yuu took the earring out of his mouth and leaned over to place it on the bedside table.

“Er… Yuu?” Lavi said, sounding acutely embarrassed. Yuu made an inquisitive grunt. “I… er… may need a new… er…” He lowered his voice, and Yuu could see the back of his neck and ears nearly glowing with his blush, “…a new pair of pants,” Lavi finished quickly, almost incoherently.

“ _Che,_ ” Yuu scoffed, trying not to laugh. Lavi nodded in an ashamed way. “Go bathe. I’m getting breakfast.” He made to get off the bed.

“No!” Lavi shouted, sounding horrified and desperate, all at once. He turned and nearly pinned Yuu to the wall.

“Get off me, I’m hungry,” Yuu grunted, trying to push Lavi away, but the man’s grip became tighter. It became too tight. He shuddered a bit, but Lavi wasn’t anyone else. He was just Lavi, so it was okay.

“I was trying to tell you that I needed to tell you something,” Lavi said, his voice layered with something akin to urgency. Yuu relaxed under his grip. Whatever it was, it was obviously important.

“Go bathe first. I’ll wait,” he said, looking away.

“No, I need to tell you now,” Lavi said, using his hand to force Yuu to look at him by grabbing him under the chin. Yuu locked eyes—or eye—with his lover and saw the near-desperation there. He nodded.

“What is it, rabbit?” He asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know. Lavi let him go and leaned down, hugging Yuu around the middle and placing the crown of his head on his stomach.

“Last night, Road… well, Yuu, you had a nightmare, right?”

Yuu nodded, unsure of where this was going. Wherever it was, he wasn’t sure he liked it there.

“Well, do you remember what it was about?”

This time, Yuu shook his head. He remembered it was bad, probably a nine—Lavi would have told him if he was having a seizure—but he drew a blank on the actual content. That was a first. But perhaps it was better that way. It wasn’t like he enjoyed remembering those things.

“It was bad, though, wasn’t it?” Lavi asked quietly, and Yuu nodded. “Well, you know how Road is the Noah of Dreams?” Yuu nodded again, this time with uncertainty. “Well, she… er… your dream was too strong for her to handle, and she may have—well, she did, actually—accidentally broadcast your dream into everyone’s minds.”

Yuu froze, unable to think. She’d done what? It didn’t make sense. No one knew, it couldn’t be possible. But there was only one person who _couldn’t_ see them, and he had to make sure. “Did you…?” He choked out.

“No,” Lavi said, shaking his head and pulling Yuu into a hug. He fell into it without any protest. He couldn’t move. He was paralyzed by the absurdity of what Lavi had just told him. It was so illogical, too bizarre, for his brain to process. It couldn’t possibly be true that everyone— _everyone_ —knew. “I woke up to your screams, so I didn’t see it. Only the people who were actually asleep saw.”

Yuu wasn’t sure if he nodded or not, but if he had, then it would have been very mechanical, because he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around what Lavi was telling him. He began to shake. “Could you… get Road?” He asked quietly, shaking harder. Lavi nodded, changed into something more decent, and left the room.

He returned minutes later through one of Road’s ornate doors. She looked at him and immediately apologized, but he ignored it. “Show him,” he said hoarsely. If everyone was going to know, Lavi had the right to know, too. If everyone was going to know, he _wanted_ Lavi to know, too. Even though Lavi couldn’t know. Road nodded and turned to the redhead next to her, placing a hand to his forehead.

Lavi collapsed to the ground the second Road removed her hand. He was shaking nearly as bad as Yuu, but when he looked up, there was no pity, no disgust, in his eye. He simply walked over and placed his arms lightly around Yuu’s shoulders. “I will _never_ forgive that man,” he whispered, putting his head on Yuu’s shoulder.

A rumbling noise resounded through the room. Yuu grimaced, and Lavi pulled back. “You need to eat,” he said quietly. Every part of the older man’s being rebelled against the idea of ever leaving the room again. He shook his head, his long hair flying with the movement.

Lavi pulled him over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of pants. Yuu pulled them on mechanically, his body still shaking in an aggravating way.

“I don’t want to,” he whispered. Lavi handed him a shirt. He quickly took off the one he’d slept in and replaced it with the new one, not caring that Road was still in the room. She excused herself when she realized what was going on.

“You have to,” Lavi said, coming around behind him and pulling the shirt so that it wasn’t rumpled.

Yuu pulled his Exorcist jacket on quietly and then turned to face Lavi. “I’m scared,” he admitted, leaning against his lover. Lavi’s hands came up to pat his upper back, and they stood there for a moment.

“Come on, Yuu, I’m hungry too. We should go.” Lavi grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room. Yuu wanted to close his eyes, hide in the room, be anywhere but in the cafeteria off the Main Plaza, where everyone would be staring at him with those pitying, judgmental eyes.

He stopped moving when they got to the door. He couldn’t go any further. It was impossible. He was stuck. Lavi didn’t make a noise of exasperation, he just walked into the room and turned around, holding out a hand to Yuu. Yuu hesitated and then took it. Lavi tugged at his hand, a silent plea to come in with him, that he would keep everyone from _staring_ , that he would make everything alright, even if it couldn’t be.

Yuu didn’t look at the people serving him. He knew the expression they wore. It was the same one Tiedoll had had whenever Yuu said something that hinted at his past. Thinking back, he’d said a lot of things like that when they’d traveled together for that one year. It had been a tolerable expression when it was on Tiedoll, because Tiedoll _knew_ but didn’t _stare_.

He wasn’t paying attention as Lavi led them to a secluded table in the corner. He was glad for the privacy, though. As a general rule, he didn’t like people. He couldn’t trust them. They always apologized or acted stupid or _looked_ at him like that.

“BAKANDA! You retard, you make me sick!” _Moyashi_ shouted, coming up and attempting to punch him. Yuu dodged automatically, a reflexive smirk appearing on his face.

“What the fuck, _Moyashi_?” He asked.

“You made me sleep like shit!” _Moyashi_ yelled back, slamming his enormous tray of food down in the place next to him.

“You’re contaminating my food. Sit farther away,” Yuu growled, scowling at the white-haired boy.

“You contaminated my sleep. And Lenalee’s too, you bastard.”

Yuu felt guilty. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Lenalee. “That’s what you get for prying. It’s karma. I hope you die,” the Japanese man said, turning back to his soba and ignoring the idiot bean sprout next to him.

“Hey, Yuu-kun,” Lenalee said, coming up and sitting across from him. “You’d probably hate me if I apologized for last night, so I won’t. Just… I’ll be here if you want to talk, okay?” Yuu nodded, and she, too, turned to her food.

“Ooooh! I slept _great_ last night! Darcy, you are a god!” The Infernal Girl said, stretching as she took a seat at their table.

“What can I say?” Darcy replied, buffing his nails on his shirt. “I _am_ an Irish Sex God.”

Yuu wanted to kill all the annoying idiots who were interrupting his peaceful breakfast. Even if they were doing it for him.

\---

His day wasn’t going so well. Actually, it was going terribly. Everywhere he looked, people were staring, muttering, no doubt about the collective dream from the previous night. He supposed he should be thankful to the fucking _Moyashi_ for telling them to shut the fuck up, but he had a strict no-thanking policy. It made people think he was approachable. Which he wasn’t. Even if the Infernal Girl and the Little Fucker thought differently.

The Little Fucker hadn’t bothered him all day, actually, and for some reason, that concerned him a little. He pushed the emotion down. He didn’t want to feel bad for the Little Fucker. She had bitten him, given him rabies, pushed him down a flight of stairs, jumped on his back, ridden on his leg, clung to him, and sung stupid, shrill songs to him.

He felt a pressure on his leg and looked down to see the Little Fucker leaning down and hugging it, nearly throwing him off balance. He scowled and opened his mouth to yell at her, but she was already gone. Yuu blinked. He almost wished she would annoy him as usual. Almost. If one good thing had come out of the whole ordeal, it was the possibility that the tiny twelve-year-old would finally leave him alone.

Striding over to the troops that he was supposed to be training, he yelled for them to line up. They did so without complaint. Yuu glowered icily at them. A few of them had the presence of mind to look nervous, but the rest took it like they were fucking whores.

“You will do five hundred push-ups,” he barked. No one complained.

“Aw, come on! That’s ridiculous. No way in hell am I—”

“You can leave,” Yuu told the soldier in the back. The man, barely younger than him, nodded and walked off.

“Aw, c’mon, man! That’s not fair!” Said a soldier right in front of Yuu. He kicked the idiot in the face, seeing as he had already gone into the push-up position.

“Deal with it. And don’t cheat. If you can’t do five hundred push-ups, you will die.” The dark-haired Exorcist fingered the hilt of his activated Innocence for emphasis.

“We’ll die _if_ we do the push-ups!” The soldier groused, but he continued on. Yuu scowled down at him. The soldiers were humoring him.

“If you don’t want to do them,” he said, addressing the entire group with an icy glare, “then don’t _stare_ at me.”

He walked off, leaving the soldiers to their own devices. They would either finish them or they wouldn’t. The soldiers could do what they wanted. They had weapons training later, and Yuu could pound them into the ground then.

He felt off, very off. He walked into his room to meditate, but when he got in, he couldn’t help but go check his Lotus, something he had started doing every day, despite his attempts to forget about it.

It was possibly the worst sight he could have seen. He knew he probably had lost the half-petal a while ago, what with the way the Lotus was fading so quickly, but he was concerned about the fact that there were only two left.

Two.

Once again, he couldn’t tell Lavi, because he knew for sure that he was going to die.

\---

_January 29, 2014—Allen’s Ark, Main Plaza_

Lenalee surveyed the courtyard with some satisfaction. Each group of soldiers was proficient at using the newer, higher-powered talismans and super-powered guns for destroying Akuma. It had relieved her that the new weapons released the poor souls, rather than condemning the victim to an eternity of sadness, like self-destruction would. She had seen the relief in Allen’s eyes as well, if it had been any other way, the white-haired boy would have destroyed the weapons himself. They were expecting a large number of the creatures to be with the Earl, though judging by the recent reports of Level Ones, she had a feeling that the other countries would be attacked. Without Innocence, the people would be defenseless. Which was why they had put soldiers in the other Branches of the Order in the first place. True, they were no longer with the Order, but they all had the same goal. Regardless of their falling-out, soldiers would be deployed around the world to take down the Akuma.

Her phone beeped in her pocket, and she flipped it open, bringing it up to her ear.

“General Lee,” she said.

“ _Hey, Lenalee!_ ” She recognized the voice immediately as that of the Head of the North American Branch of the Order.

“What’s going on?” She asked, concerned.

“ _I just wanted to tell you that we’re all prepared over here. We’re all ready for the fourteenth, should you need us to come help you._ ”

“I think we may be fine,” Lenalee said. “Our soldiers seem prepared, too. Kanda’s been working really hard with them. He’s been training a lot, too. Even Allen and Lavi and the rest are getting into it. We have nothing else to do, so we’ve all been working really hard. But stay ready, just in case. We never know what may happen.”

“ _Of course. Oh, and the Order doesn’t know I’m calling, so I’d better go before they start tapping our phone calls._ ”

Lenalee nodded and flipped her phone shut. Calling everyone over, she gestured for them to sit down. When all had quieted, she realized she had to speak.

“We’re all set on the other continents, and it seems like we’re all doing a great job. Really, everyone, give yourselves a pat on the back. You’re all doing really well. We’ll definitely be ready by the fourteenth. We do need to plan some things out, though. Obviously, Allen, the other Generals, and I will be leading. Chu-chan, Tamas, and Cyrah, I think you guys should go after the forming Level Six, take it down while you can.” It was an unspoken consensus that she and Allen would take care of the Earl.

The Generals nodded, understanding the underlying comment.

“What about the pedestrians?” Cyrah asked, fingering the handle of her whip in a mannerism that had become familiar to Lenalee. She looked up at the bright sky, thinking.

“I can put us in Time Out,” Miranda suggested, shyly raising the hand that wasn’t in Lolek’s. “Well, it’s not quite Time Out. I’ve been experimenting with my powers, trying to raise my synch rate, and I think there’s a way I can keep other people out. It’s like a time bubble, of sorts. The only differences from the Time Out are that people can’t get in and out and that people don’t heal inside it. It takes a lot of energy, though—more than the Time Out—but I think I can do it if that’s all I concentrate on.”

Lenalee nodded gravely. “We’ll have someone guard you, then.”

“I’ll do it,” Lolek volunteered immediately.

“I was expecting you to,” Lenalee said, smiling. Turning back to Miranda, she added. “Can you work on that, try to get it as big and powerful as you can?”

Miranda nodded, though she looked unsure. Lenalee understood. They’d all be pushing their Innocence to its limits—beyond those limits if they could.

“Yuu-kun, Lavi, you guys should take down the strongest Akuma there before going on to help the Generals with the Level Six, and if you can, we know Strength is going to be there.” Road had had another talk with Faith, and the holy girl had filled them in on more details she’d wheedled out of the Earl. They knew Akuma from all over the world, especially those of the strongest levels, would be set loose to aid in the creation of the Level Six. If they could destroy as many as possible, they would delay the creation of the apocalyptic Akuma.

“Strength is mine,” Cyrah and Amanda said simultaneously. They stared at each other and nodded. Lenalee saw a bond of kinship form between them.

“Strength is going down,” Amanda said coldly, determinedly. Lenalee nodded absently. He wouldn’t stand a chance against the two vengeful Exorcists.

“That leaves the rest of you to take care of the other Akuma—Level Threes and up. You can all do it. We’ve been working on team maneuvers lately, so I’m sure you’ll be able to work together really well.” Sadly, she turned to the soldiers and continued. “We’re counting on you guys to take down the lower levels. If you concentrate fire, you can take down Level Twos, but we’ll have Hok’ee, Michel, Rodrigo, and Maya to assist you.”

The soldiers saluted, showing their understanding with grim looks and frowns of concentration. Lenalee nodded and moved on.

“Obviously, we can’t plan everything, but if we keep to a general plan like this, then perhaps we’ll come out on top. Road, you know your job.”

Road nodded. She was going to get Faith and guard her.

Lenalee disbanded the group. What they all needed to do now was practice, train, and run drills. The Science Department was working tirelessly on better weapons, ways to enhance the power of their Innocence. They were even creating tiny studs that would act as golems. The little machines had gone out of manufacture after the invention of cell phones, but during a battle like this, it wasn’t practical. They needed people’s positions for tactical shifts and changes in orders. Overall, though, she felt they were preparing as best they could. Perhaps they would win. It was looking more likely by the day. As long as they stopped the Level Six, though, Lenalee didn’t care who won.

\---

_February 2, 2014—Allen’s Ark_

The days had gone by quickly in a blur of training, planning, and sweat. Miranda had worked for hours at a time just on holding the strongest time bubble she could create. She was able to cover the entire Ark, though it was still quite weak, and it could be knocked down at the simplest lapse of concentration. She didn’t know how she would keep it up in the battle. Even if they evacuated all the people, it wasn’t looking likely.

Miranda had already come to the conclusion that they’d have to let some of the people die if they wouldn’t get out on their own. They’d gone to the local authorities, explaining what was going to happen and asking if they could please shut the area down, but for some reason, the authorities had refused to believe them. It seemed that, despite the Coalition’s overwhelming support, the actual people of the world didn’t believe what was going on. They didn’t believe there was a war. It wasn’t surprising, though. The same thing had happened back in Miranda’s time. Years of government denial did that to people.

Lolek came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her neck and leaning down to place a kiss on her ear. She turned her head to look behind her, and he smiled.

“Worrying again?” He asked softly, his crystalline blue eyes overflowing with concern.

“Yeah. All those people are going to die, and I can’t do anything about it,” Miranda explained.

“Hmmm… don’t worry about it, _mein Liebchen_. We’ll get them out,” he assured her, pressing a kiss to her cheek in a comforting fashion.

Miranda blushed slightly, but she continued, “I can’t open a hole in my Time Bubble to let them out. It weakens the entire structure and collapses it almost immediately. They’ll be stuck inside.”

“We can put them with the soldiers, maybe even give them guns to shoot with.”

“That’s not funny, Lolek.”

“No, but the soldiers will be able to protect them at least a little bit. Come, don’t think about it anymore.”

Miranda nodded reluctantly and turned fully so that she might embrace him. She really did love him. Somewhere along the line, she’d forgotten the sharp details of Noise’s face. They’d been replaced with Lolek’s. Somewhere along the line, she’d forgotten Noise’s voice. All she could remember now was the sweet, gentle smoothness of Lolek’s low tenor. It soothed her into sleep, it stirred her into wakefulness. It was like her air now, just as Noise’s deep voice had once been.

She could never fully get over the death of her former fiancé, just as one could never truly forget a first love, but she had Lolek now, and she loved him even more. Their relationship was easy, just like breathing, and it felt just as good. She loved how her heart pounded around him, how she was always comfortable in his arms, how he made her forget to be polite, how he never judged her for her constant apologies.

“Lolek, I loves you,” she said, smiling coyly at him. She meant to lean in, kiss him lightly on his lips, but Lolek seemed to be of the same mind, and their foreheads smacked together.

“I’m sorry!” They exclaimed in unison, breaking off the apology to laugh. Lolek smiled down at her, bringing his lips down to kiss her forehead.

“Shall we go back to the room?” He asked, offering her his hand. She took it, allowing him to pull her from the training room floor. They walked hand-in-hand back to Lolek’s room. Miranda hadn’t officially moved in, but she did spend most of her nights there, simply lying with Lolek and most times watching him sleep. He dreamt about Lolle a lot, and it reminded her of how much she dreamt of Noise. Now, though, she was starting to dream of him more. It made her happy, in a way that didn’t really make sense, though it made her sad, too. She didn’t want to forget her time with Noise, but she also didn’t want to dwell on it anymore.

They sat on the bed, and Lolek opened his mouth, presumably to talk. Miranda didn’t want to talk, though. She wanted Lolek. They hadn’t done more than engage in a few innocent kisses recently, due to their heavy training schedules, and she wanted to correct that. Because, lewd as it sometimes might be, Miranda liked kissing.

Lolek didn’t seem to mind as she pushed him down, coming to lie on top of him. Actually, he made an interested noise in the back of his throat that Miranda couldn’t quite classify as a moan. He moved his hands from her back to her hair, pulling her face closer.

Nibbling lightly on his lower lip, she tugged at his shirt so that she could feel the soft muscles of his chest. Lolek had been surprised at first at how forward Miranda was in their physical relationship, but he failed to understand at the time that she had been with _Noise._ Bless the man’s heart, but he was the shyest thing she’d ever met, and she’d had to make some changes in her personality just to _get things going._

Lolek shifted, and Miranda felt something on her leg. “Oh,” she said, breaking the contact between their lips and pulling back. She put her hands over her mouth. “I’m sorry!” She felt her face burn with a heavy blush.

Lolek blushed too, looking away. “Don’t be,” he mumbled, his cheeks positively glowing. “It felt… good.”

Miranda made an inquisitive noise and leaned over him again, reaching her hand down until it was beneath his waistline. Lolek twitched against her.

“Miranda, what are you trying to hint at?” He asked in a slightly strangled voice. She smiled down at him.

“Darcy paid me a visit last night,” she grinned.

“What?” Lolek asked, sounding somewhat alarmed.

“He’s concerned that you won’t… er… _get things going_ with me, as he put it. And it was his duty as the Condom Fairy… to help me,” she explained haltingly, her face beet red and flaming.

“What?” Lolek choked out. “You…?”

“I’m twenty-eight, Lolek,” Miranda explained, looking deeply into his eyes despite the urge to gaze anywhere else. “Neither Noise nor I was forward enough to actually do anything. Of _course_ I want to.”

“You’re… saying you’ve never… before?”

Miranda rubbed her hand slowly up and down. “Never.”

“Really? You’re… very good at seduction.” He was breathless.

“You’re just biased, Lolek,” she said, leaning down and kissing him lightly. She made to sit back up, but Lolek wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss again. “I’m sorry,” she breathed against his lips.

His hands were wandering up the back of the light shirt she was wearing. “I’m sorry, too,” he muttered, pulling her shirt off completely.

It was the first time she’d ever felt completely at ease with someone, she thought as Lolek touched her in places Noise had never dared. She arched into his touch, losing herself in his grip. She gave back with caresses of her own, and when he finally connected with her, she nearly melted from the perfectness of it all.


	33. Valentine’s Day

Chapter 30—Valentine’s Day

__February 13, 2014—Allen’s Ark

Amanda lay curled up with her back to Mr. Darcy. His arms were around her, and his naked chest touched her equally naked skin. Everything was warm as they basked in the glow left over from mind-blowing sex. Placing one of her hands on his wrist and rubbing gently, she sighed in contentment.

“Hey, Mr. Darcy?” She murmured softly, breaking the lustrous silence.

“Mmm?”

“I was just wondering… after this is all over, what are you planning on doing with your life?”

He sighed onto the back of her neck and squeezed her closer. “Hmmm… I’ve never really thought of it. I’m not particularly schooled, but the Coalition will probably pay for that. What _will_ I do?”

“You should be a male model,” Amanda said, smiling widely. She felt Darcy’s eyebrows raise.

“Why?” He asked.

“Because you’re so sexy,” she answered, turning around so she could face him and maybe steal a kiss or two.

“Well, what about you?” He asked, staring deeply into her eyes in the exact way she loved.

“I’m gonna finish High School. I’ve got all my credits for it done except for English.”

Darcy chuckled. It was common knowledge throughout the former Order that Amanda detested the subject. “So, after you graduate, what then?”

“I’m thinking of going to college. The Order probably won’t hold up their end of the bargain—they’ve already stopped paying for my brothers, and the Coalition had to step in—but I’m sure I’ll be able to find financial aid if I look hard enough. Despite what _you_ think, I’m actually very smart,” Amanda said, voicing her thoughts aloud for the first time. Darcy chuckled again, obviously disbelieving.

“I want to go into Acting, maybe, or Marine Biology.”

“There’s a huge difference between the two. And aren’t you allergic to fish?”

“Yeah, well, it shouldn’t be too bad. You wear gloves and shit, and it’s not a bad allergy, last time I checked.”

“Do you have anything else going on in your Master Plan for Life Domination?” Darcy teased, tilting his head down so he could kiss her forehead. He smiled as he leaned back, and he looked into her eyes in that same way, like he was searching her soul or something. Which sounded cheesy. But Amanda was a cheesy girl.

“I want ten kids,” she joked. Darcy balked, and she laughed, hoisting herself up to give him a proper kiss. “Just kidding,” she whispered. It shouldn’t have bothered her that Darcy looked relieved, even though she _had_ been joking.

“But you’re only sixteen,” he muttered, seeming to pull away a bit. Amanda didn’t like that, so she pressed herself closer. Darcy squirmed a bit.

“Well, I don’t want kids _now_ ,” she said. “Actually, I don’t want them for another, like, five years. After college. After I’m married.” She looked up at him. It disturbed her that Darcy was looking away, but she ignored it. “What about you? Want kids?” Maybe that was the problem.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice coming out in a sigh. “A couple of little munchkins would be fun. I’d love to terrorize them.”

“You’re incorrigible,” Amanda said, smiling as she hit his chest lightly, playfully, with her fist. He leaned in, and they began kissing again. His strange reactions were suddenly the last thing on her mind.

\---

Everyone around them was heading in for an early night, though Allen was sure no one would be sleeping that well. It had been the same the first time. He also had no illusions, as he watched the various couples walk off, of what people would be doing to pass the time. He grabbed Lenalee’s hand to pull her off, too (though not for the same reasons, he thought with some disappointment).

“Allen, Lenalee!” Road ran up, sounding breathless. “Faith told us we need to be there at 8:14 tomorrow night!”

“Why such a strange hour?” Lenalee asked.

“It’s military time for 2014,” Road said softly, giving them an almost soulful look. “You two will be okay?”

They nodded in unison. “You will too?” They asked together, perfectly in synch.

“As long as I find Faith, then yes, I’ll be fine,” she said, smiling. She turned and hurried off. There would be plenty of time to talk the following morning, though Allen knew no one would. There would be too much anticipation, too much nervous energy.

As one, the two of them paced back to their shared room, holding hands and taking comfort in each other. Lenalee closed the door behind them, and Allen quickly disrobed and grabbed his pajama pants. Lenalee changed similarly into the long, white negligee she was very fond of.

“Do you think everyone will be okay?” She asked him quietly as they sat on the bed, Allen’s arm around her.

And suddenly, their lips were melded together. Allen didn’t know who started it or if they had decided it was going to start, but it was happening. He ran his hand through her hair, reveling in the feeling of its silky smoothness. She must have brushed it while he wasn’t looking, because its only knots were the ones that Allen created.

Lenalee made a sweet, sighing noise, parting her lips just slightly. Moving his other hand to her slim waist, he added more pressure with his lips. He had never kissed before, so he wasn’t quite sure what he was doing, but judging by the small half-moan Lenalee made, he was doing okay. She was doing much more than okay.

He twisted so that he was overtop of her and pushed her down onto her pillow. Her arms came and wrapped around his neck, pulling him in. Then they traveled down his back and up again as Allen tried softly biting her lower lip.

_Yeah! Way to go, Allen!_ The Musician screamed in the back of his head. Allen pulled back, his mood suddenly ruined, but Lenalee pulled him toward her, her arms not letting him out of reach. She brought her lips back to his in a desperate way that made him forget there was anyone named Sebastian yelling suggestive comments in the back of his mind.

He held her close, kissing her until she did that half-moaning thing again. He sighed happily, running a hand slowly up and down her side. She shivered under his touch, and suddenly it was too much. _Girls shouldn’t be allowed to do that,_ he thought to himself as he shifted into a position that wouldn’t allow Lenalee to notice his growing arousal.

Lenalee tore her lips away from his, breaking their kiss in an unsatisfying way, but she pulled Allen close, lining their heads up ear-to-ear and hugging him tightly. “Don’t die, okay?” She asked softly, conversationally, into his ear. Allen nodded.

“I won’t,” he whispered, kissing the lobe of Lenalee’s ear before moving back to her lips again. Hands went everywhere and nowhere at once, which was okay, which felt good. Lenalee’s hand hit a spot on his neck, clenching in the hair at the nape, and Allen needed to leave before things went too far. He ripped his lips away. “Bathroom,” he said in a strangled voice, walking quickly from the room and heading to the nearest facilities.

When he returned some ten minutes later, Lenalee was looking at him, concerned.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, placing a hand delicately on the soft skin of her cheek. She leaned into it, but the expression didn’t leave her face.

“Sebastian came into my mind for a bit, and he said that you—you—you were… in the bathroom… _doing things,_ ” she said, sounding horrified. Allen was sure he heard implication in her voice. But that couldn’t be, because this was _Lenalee_.

“Well, I was—”

“Do you, Allen? Only I told Sebastian that he must be wrong, but I’m not sure… so, do you?” Her voice became progressively hushed.

Blushing, Allen looked away and nodded, taking his hand from her face. “Well, I _am_ a guy, Lenalee. You have to… _expect_ these kind of things.”

“But Allen… I don’t get it.”

It hurt him, sometimes, how pure and _oblivious_ Lenalee was. Sometimes, he cursed that brother of hers for sheltering her this much. After all, Allen had had a perfectly good childhood, even though he’d grown up knowing the exact mechanics of sex, drinking, and gambling thanks to Cross’s tutelage.

“Don’t worry about it, Lenalee, I’ll explain this to you after tomorrow.”

“You promise?” She asked, sounding younger than her nearly twenty years.

“Yeah, I promise,” Allen said, sitting next to her and placing an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into his arm. Gradually, she began to relax until her face was smooth with the beginnings of sleep. She turned, throwing an arm around his waist as she snuggled deeper into the crook of his shoulder.

“I love you, Allen,” she sighed, smiling as her thoughts were lost in dreams.

“I love you, too,” he whispered back, kissing her forehead overtop the most prominent of her stigmata crown before leaning them both back and placing the covers on top of them. He had accepted long ago that he was going to die, but he had never before wanted to fight against that fate than he did now. He wanted to be around, marry Lenalee, maybe have a kid or two, retire into some crazy old folks’ home that would charge him an outrageous sum just to be in, die in some absurdly peaceful manner with Lenalee at his side, following him just moments after.

\---

There came a knock at her door just as she was pulling her pants off. Sighing, she tugged them back on and went to answer. It was Vikram, of course. He looked like a lost puppy who had finally found his way back home.

He didn’t say anything, just walked in closing the door and locking it behind him. Emiko raised an eyebrow in interest.

“I’m tired of thinking,” he said, sitting on the bed and leaning his head into his hands, covering his eyes with his fists.

“When have you ever thought?” Emiko asked lightly, sitting next to him. She pulled him down until his head was on her lap, and she began to comb her fingers through his hair. He chuckled humorlessly.

“I think all the time, it’s just never about important things.” He turned his head so that he was looking up her nose. “I’m sorry, Sasaki, I should have given you an answer ages ago.” Vikram reached up to bring her closer until their foreheads were touching. Emiko’s back ached slightly at its bowed position, but she ignored it. Vikram was more important than some trivial pain.

“You’re done hiding, then?” She asked, and Vikram nodded.

“But only on one condition,” he said, trying to sound serious, though Emiko knew the difference.

“What?” She asked, smiling down at him.

“Dress like a boy again after this damned war. Don’t let Road have that kind of control over you,” he ordered. Emiko opened her mouth to respond that it had nothing to do with Road, but Vikram continued on, “and you also look really hot in guys’ clothes. Every time you wore them, I…” He looked away. “…Yeah.”

Remembering the moaning in the bathroom, Emiko smiled knowingly. “It’s a promise,” she said, and then she let her lips descend on his.

\---

“AH! FUCK, VIKRAM!”

That was a mood-ruiner.

It made Lavi want to reinforce the walls more, at any rate. The fact that he could hear this _from down the hall_ made him want to tear out Emiko-kun’s lungs. The phrase _she’s a screamer_ came to mind. Next to him, Yuu grunted, looking annoyed. Lavi not-so-secretly concurred.

He pulled the other man closer, gathering Yuu into his arms in a way he knew the other man would usually protest to. But Yuu didn’t say a word. He simply sat and stared at Lavi. It wasn’t an angry stare, nor was it a frustrated one. It was the deep stare of a man who was thinking about something very important. Lavi used that expression often, though it was usually when he was wracking his brain for obscure facts.

Yuu laid his head on Lavi’s shoulder as they were forced to listen to Emiko-kun’s loud screams. The sound soon died down, though, and they both sighed in relief when the moans stopped wafting down the hallway and through their door.

“ _Ne,_ Yuu, whatcha thinkin’ about?” He asked.

“Stupid rabbits shouldn’t be so inquisitive,” Yuu muttered darkly.

“Yuu, why do you always call me stupid? And how am I a rabbit?” Lavi asked. He’d always wondered, and he finally had the nerve to ask for an answer.

“ _Che_. It’s a term of endearment.”

“Since when?” Lavi asked, stunned. Yuu had terms of endearment? He laughed softly in his mind. Of course Yuu’s terms would be something strange like “stupid rabbit.”

“Since I saw you sleeping in the library when we were sixteen. You twitch like a rabbit in your sleep. It’s amusing. And you’re stupid because you’re oblivious,” Yuu explained.

“I’m not oblivious!” Lavi spluttered. Yuu snorted.

“You didn’t realize they were terms of endearment.”

“Who would?” Lavi countered.

“Everyone except you,” the dark-haired man answered promptly. He sounded a bit mocking, patronizing. Lavi withered slightly.

“You’re mean,” he muttered under his breath.

“And you’re oblivious, so now we’re even.” Yuu bit the base of his neck in a teasing way.

“Since when have you cared about being even?” Lavi asked, shifting away so that Yuu would stop trying to eat him.

“Since a rabbit decided to make its home where my heart used to be,” Yuu responded, lifting his head so he could glare at Lavi. The redhead tried not to flinch away from its intensity.

“I can’t help it. Rabbits like to eat Yuu hearts,” he said.

“No, they like to eat carrots. The rabbit who ate my heart is a retard and didn’t know any better.”

“They like lettuce, too,” Lavi muttered in a small voice. He felt a shaking against his chest and looked down to see Yuu suppressing laughter.

“You’re such an idiot,” the Japanese man murmured, bringing his lips to Lavi’s. The second they came into contact, even with Yuu’s smiling mouth trying to counteract it, Lavi became very desperate. _What if this was the last time? What if one of them died?_ He channeled his fervor into the way he held Yuu, into the frenzied way he scrabbled at Yuu’s clothing, ripping the other man’s shirt in his haste.

Yuu matched his intensity almost at once, the smile disappearing as he bit down, beginning the series of slight mutilations they pulled to gain control. For once, Lavi didn’t taste blood in his mouth—had Yuu learned control?—but he didn’t waste time thinking about it. He couldn’t let the other man win, not this time. He twisted a nipple, hard. Yuu gasped in both pain and pleasure, but Lavi was already taking advantage of the momentary lapse of concentration, slipping his tongue into his lover’s mouth and running it between teeth and lower lip. He twisted Yuu so that they were facing each other completely, both kneeling on the bed as they ripped and tugged at clothing.

The air around him whistled by as Yuu pushed him down. The redhead stared up in confusion. When had he lowered his guard? Yuu was already on top of him, though, scowling as he undid button and fly and slid off jeans. Lavi suddenly felt very vulnerable. He yanked on Yuu’s hair, and the man moaned at the pressure on his skull, but it wasn’t enough for him to lose concentration as he slid off his own pants.

Frantically, Lavi cast his mind around for a way to get the Japanese man off-guard, a way to reverse their positions. A hand went to his ear, and it became very hard to focus, but he had to. Earrings didn’t matter. Warm mouths replacing hands didn’t matter, nor did the tongues looping through the earrings or the hand that ran smoothly through his hair, caressing him, nor did the little moany sounds both he and Yuu were making. No, they didn’t matter. He couldn’t remove himself from the situation, it was too good. He saw the column of Yuu’s neck and attacked it desperately, sucking and nibbling at flesh as Yuu did the same on his ear.

It wasn’t working. He did the first thing that came to mind, which probably wasn’t smart, but then, he wasn’t thinking properly. He slapped Yuu. It wasn’t too hard, but he heard the solid connection of hand to the scarred flesh of Yuu’s chest. The dark-haired Exorcist pulled back, looking at him with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

“Did you just… slap me?” He asked, looking confused, as if he hadn’t ever considered the possibility. Lavi hadn’t, either, not until today.

“Yeah, deal with it,” Lavi gasped, sitting up and pushing Yuu over with his momentum. He ran his hands down the man’s chest, drawing tantalizing circles with his fingers, tweaking the hardened nubs of Yuu’s nipples. The dark-haired man moaned, arching his back into Lavi’s touches—that was something he had started doing recently, and Lavi found he rather liked it. As hard as he was being on Yuu’s body, though, when he kissed the man again, he did it with the softest pressure he could manage. That seemed to throw the other man further out of balance, distracting him beyond thought. Running his tongue over the roof of Yuu’s mouth, Lavi felt satisfied with himself. He was good at distractions.

He brought one hand to Yuu’s hair, digging into his scalp and massaging in a way he had come to learn Yuu enjoyed. The man wriggled a bit, and then all signs of resistance were gone. Lavi smiled against Yuu’s lips. _Good,_ he thought. _I’ve tamed the devil._

“Lavi…” Yuu breathed, his eyes half hooded as he pulled back to look up into the redhead’s face. Lavi smiled again. It had been so long since they’d done anything—he cursed the barely-healed hairline fracture in his hip. He missed the noises his lover made, probably more than anything else. Reaching down, he tossed Yuu’s boxers aside and let his hand hover over its goal. Yuu scowled up at him, and Lavi smiled right back down, enjoying this position.

There was no time for anything else, and they were too desperate for any contact between them that the redhead simply made to spit on his fingers. Yuu’s scowl deepened. “Fuck no, rabbit,” he hissed, grabbing Lavi’s hand and bringing it to his mouth. The redhead raised an eyebrow, intrigued. Yuu had never done anything like that before.

It was probably a trick. He was probably doing it to gain dominance. Lavi couldn’t have that, _wouldn’t_ have that. He made Yuu gasp as he encircled the other man’s erection with his free hand. Yuu was doing fantastic things with his tongue, things Lavi mirrored on the man himself. When his fingers were finally released, he reached down, going straight for the already twitching tight coil of muscle. It spasmed against his finger, eliciting another smile as he pressed inside.

He liked the way Yuu moaned, raising his hips wantonly and gasping as Lavi stretched and prodded at the taut space. Leaning down, he kissed Yuu chastely before moving back to get a better angle so that Yuu would make that… tiny… _hiss_ that happened every time he got the man’s prostate. Triumphant, Lavi hit it again, and then once more. Yuu growled at him the third time, pulling him back, as if he didn’t much like the idea of having little skin-to-skin contact. Lavi agreed and came willingly back into the Japanese man’s arms.

Yuu’s fingers tugged at his ear, scratched at his hips, and they lay on their sides, completely melded together and touching everywhere except the one place that counted. Lavi was vaguely shell-shocked when the fiery contact dissolved into nothing. He twisted his head around, looking for Yuu, but he wasn’t there, he wasn’t—

“Jesus Christ!”

He hadn’t meant to yell out, but he had discovered where Yuu went. He didn’t mean to, but his hands went straight to Yuu’s hair, neither pushing him away nor pulling him closer, simply twining there, tugging as Yuu did those same maddening things with his tongue, only this time, it felt a million times better. Perhaps it was because it wasn’t on his fingers. Yuu’s tongue flitted almost teasingly over the head of Lavi’s erection, and his eye rolled back. Where had Yuu learned to _do_ these things?

No. No, he didn’t want to know. He just wanted to enjoy, because Yuu’s hand had joined his mouth, and he was content to let his hips roll up as he clenched his hands tighter in the other man’s infuriatingly black locks. The locks cascaded like dark sheet metal, tickling Lavi’s legs as he began to writhe.

“Yuu—no—I’m not… done with you yet,” he gasped out, not quite sure which language he was speaking and not giving a damn either way. The man released him, and Lavi could only reach out blindly for his lover, holding him in his arms as he lined himself up and thrust in deeply.

Yuu groaned after a moment, lifting his hips in a way Lavi had come to learn meant he wanted him to keep moving. He complied immediately. He wanted to move, too. The space was tight and warm and wonderful and familiar all at once. Lavi felt a moan tear itself from his own throat as Yuu grabbed his shoulders, pulling him down so that they could kiss again.

Tongues were out of the question, they were moving too fast to avoid accidental chomping, but their lips moved against each other as they did the same with their bodies, hearts beating, lungs starving for breath, sweat covering them both in a thin, almost sparkling sheen. They probably stood out in stark contrast against the growing darkness.

They had to hurry, or else it would get dark. They didn’t do dark anymore. But there was the lamp. There was no need for haste. There was never any need for haste. Lavi threw out his hand, removing it from Yuu’s scalp, where it had come to rest again, and groped wildly for the lamp they had moved to the bedside table. He yanked on the chain, upsetting the lampshade, but his hand was already back to Yuu, this time tracing patterns on the man’s chest.

The Japanese man’s dark hair was damp with sweat when Lavi ran his right hand through it again. He dropped his left hand down to Yuu’s neglected arousal as he thrust in with more force than the others. Yuu let out a strangled half-moan, half-snarl, bringing the redhead ever closer, raising his hips to meet him again and again.

It was too much, and the dull throbbing that had begun in his hip was enough to throw him over the edge. He pulled out, making a complete mess of their covers. Yuu hissed at the loss of stimulation, and Lavi moved his left hand faster, tracing patterns he knew drove the other man crazy. He pressed at some of the knots at the back of Yuu’s neck, and the other man hit his orgasm too.

They collapsed against each other, avoiding the pool of Lavi’s ejaculate, breathing heavily in a tangle of arms and legs and kisses that still connected the two of them. Something was different, and they both knew it. It was a dark, horrible feeling that one of them would die, and neither of them could shake it.

\---

It was strange that they were allowed to sleep in as long as they wanted, and the sun was high in the sky when Lavi finally awoke. He breathed in deeply and coughed. Their room smelled horrible, like sex and sweat and something that could possibly be identified as burnt cinnamon. Lavi wrinkled his nose and tried to get up. With horror, he realized he was stuck to his sheets.

“Fuck,” he hissed, trying to make as little noise as possible. Yuu wasn’t a morning person. Or an afternoon person. Or a waking up person.

Lavi turned his head, noting that Yuu was lying with his scarred back to him—a sign of explicit and complete trust—his form curled into a loose ball. Sighing, Lavi leaned down, brushing some of the hair from the side of Yuu’s face and kissing the dark-haired man’s cheek tenderly. The man let out a little waking sigh and opened his eyes, his customary scowl of doom on his face.

“Mornin’, Yuu,” Lavi smiled, trying to ignore the growing unease in his heart. Yuu sat up, ignoring him as he usually did upon waking, and climbed over Lavi. He grabbed the long bathrobe Lavi had gotten him for Christmas and mumbled something that sounded remotely like “shower.” Lavi got up to follow him, prying his legs from the sheets before grabbing his towel and his own robe (pink and courtesy of Amanda—Yuu hated it).

They didn’t talk on the way there or on the way back. They didn’t talk in the shower, either. They grabbed their Exorcist uniforms from their dressers, and it was as they dressed that Lavi broached the topic he’d been thinking about for a while.

“ _Ne,_ Yuu,” he began as he pulled on his lucky pair of bunny boxers, “what are we gonna do after all this is over?”

Yuu didn’t answer right away, and they continued dressing, pulling on pants and shirts before Yuu spoke. “We’re going to Japan,” he said simply, with a soft, deep conviction, as if nothing would stop that from happening. He pulled on his long Exorcist jacket and placed his utility belt around his slim waist.

“Why?” Lavi asked, guiding his arm through the right side of his own jacket.

“To visit my mother’s grave,” Yuu replied, pulling his hair up into his usual ponytail. Lavi came up behind him, snaking arms around the other man’s middle and placing his chin on Yuu’s shoulder.

“We’ll definitely go, then,” he said, completing their silent promise. They would both survive. They couldn’t die. There was too much to live for.

Yuu turned and pushed him, backing him up through the considerable space until he hit the door, making Lavi’s shoulder crack. Yuu’s mouth smashed his in a hot, hard, and desperate kiss. It reminded Lavi of the one he’d given Yuu all those years ago before what was supposed to have been the final battle.

“Don’t you dare die, rabbit, or I’ll bring you back from the dead so I can kill you myself,” Yuu hissed, giving Lavi a look so mixed with fear and love and resolution that it was hard to tell which was which.

“I won’t if you won’t,” Lavi whispered back, leaning forward to let their lips mingle again. He was the tenderness to Yuu’s harshness, a perfect combination. They completed each other, and neither was willing to lose that.

\---

_February 14, 2014, 8:00 PM—London, England_

Heart fluttering nervously, Faith gazed out at the Thames, hoping with every fiber of her being that Allen and Lenalee would get there on time. With only fourteen minutes until the beginning of Six, it was becoming increasingly difficult not to show how much she detested the fat man next to her.

The Millennium Earl, her Vengeance, leaned down, looking over the side of the carriage that rested, barely swaying atop the Eye, the perpetual smile on his face somewhat wider and more smug than usual. “It’s nearly time ,” he commented. Faith nodded anxiously, not reacting in either a positive or negative way. She glanced nervously at Big Ben, simply waiting; there was nothing else she could do. Suddenly, a bright, Innocence-green flare lit the sky, engulfing the area, illuminating it.

“Well, this is indeed surprising ! It seems our little plan was given away ,” the Earl laughed. Faith didn’t like the way he was looking at her, benign and predatory all at once.

“Earl, why are you looking at me like that?” Faith asked, looking up at him in fear.

“It seems someone told the Exorcists. Since I’ve lost the element of surprise, I’m going to need some help ,” he said quietly, smiling down at her with a leer in his golden eyes. He edged forward, and Faith inched back until she was at the steep ledge of the tall Ferris wheel. Swallowing hard, she stepped back into thin air. She would survive. Noah could not die, not with the Healer still inside. Her body would die, but her soul would live on until her body regenerated. She had to get away from the Earl.

But she was scooped up by the clown-like Noah. He placed her, shaking and quivering like a newborn calf, in the middle of the roof. She scrambled to get away, flailing limbs and scratching at the even surface to gain leverage, but the Earl held her still, placing one hand on her forehead and the other on her chest.

Immediate, abrupt pain soared through her, and she felt as if she was flying, gliding on intensely hot thermals. Her screams broke the silence of the night as Big Ben tolled the fourteenth after, rather than the quarter. The first chime clawed at the bonds, discovering them, harnessing them, and pulling them back until she was sure of the presences beneath her consciousness.

Sarah. Dear, dear Sarah. And Tyki. Cyril, too. Beside him, Jasdevi. And next to them, Charlie. Charlie had his arm around Skin. Lulu, purring in her cat form, sat on Skin’s large, muscled shoulders. They were all pure once more, ashen skin melted away by her untainted soul. The same light, heavenly stigmata brushed their foreheads with unearthly grace, and when she looked at them, she knew the Earl could never control them again. They were hers, just as they had always been.

She made to smile at the Earl, blood on her lips from the pressure on the bonds, but the second chime created a portal above them. The bonds were once more yanked without finesse or regard. She screamed, oh dear God, did she scream. Akuma wailed out of the clear, round circle, filling the air until all Faith could see was refracted Innocence off their metal hides. Like a sickening sea of locusts, they descended on the Exorcists who must have been waiting there.

The third chime began the battle, and as Faith’s world went black, she smiled up at her dearest kin. “I’m proud of you,” she said, her voice quiet and choked with emotion and injury. She fell to the surface of the smooth carriage. The last thing she felt was a light pair of arms picking her up and carrying her somewhere far away, somewhere warm.

_Road,_ she called through her mangled bonds, and the person carrying her petted her hair lightly, comfortingly, until all was black and everything was peaceful once more.

\---

_8:14 PM_

Akuma rained on them like a thunderstorm of death. It was like one of those epic poems he’d been forced to read back when he was in school. Like _The Odyssey_ , only not at all. Because this was real life, and real life meant that a person couldn’t trick their enemies by humping sheep. As the Akuma advanced to a threatening proximity, Darcy saw Michel lift his right arm, the chainsaw that was his Innocence activating, and turn to the stoic Native American Exorcist.

“Hok’ee—for Frodo?” He asked, his voice carrying despite the priming of the Akuma cannons that were becoming progressively louder.

The man nodded and activated his own Innocence. “For Frodo,” he affirmed. Darcy liked this epic.

As Michel’s chainsaw roared to life, Darcy raised his cutlass high above his head. “FOR FRODO!” He yelled, brandishing his weapon as if that alone would stop the Akuma. He ran forward, breaking rank, as Hok’ee and Michel did the same. The first volley of shots went by. Behind him, he heard Amanda roar a similar sentiment, and then her discus was whipping at the nearest Level One, exploding it on impact. It whistled back to her, and Darcy put his mind on his own fight. A moth-like Level Three fluttered over to him, and an eroding wind of some sort descended in a sickly-scented patch that the ginger man barely dodged.

“Fuck off, you ho,” Darcy spat at it, and rent it through with his cutlass. It made a satisfying squelching noise and exploded into the air like a poisonous firework. Looking around in the Innocence-illuminated sky, he saw debris fall and scatter. He followed the pieces with his eyes, hoping none of them would hit Amanda. His gaze fell on the Eye, and to his horror, he saw the Earl descending to the Eye’s axis, floating Mary Poppins-style with his umbrella golem supporting his massive girth.

A bullet from a Level One made a small crater not three centimeters in front of Darcy, and he flinched back, cursing his inattention. He tossed his cutlass up at the round, metal machine. It exploded upon impact, spreading more smoke, oil, and shrapnel into the sky. The screaming of the pedestrians had already begun. Darcy wanted to shake his head at their idiocy—if they’d only just _listened_ …—but his focus needed to be on the battle. A bright light flashed from the Eye, and Darcy turned wildly, searching for its source.

This time, he had to hastily swallow the bile threatening the back of his throat. A metal frame was hooked up to the middle of the axis, spread out as if being crucified. It was grotesque and tiny, completely black, and possibly the most hideous thing Darcy had ever seen. And it was only a skeleton. It was the air around it, though, the almost palpable, stinking aura of hatred and destruction that made him want to sink his cutlass into it himself.

Like a vacuum cleaner, the Akuma began to fly backward, the higher levels nearly zooming with their lesser mass. The Generals flitted about, getting as close as they dared, trying to stop the process, but Darcy saw the futility of the situation. Even Allen and Lenalee couldn’t keep up as the Akuma were all literally absorbed into the Level Six. Slaying an Akuma that flew by too close, the ginger man ran off to help quell the still rising tide of Akuma. Hok’ee and Michel would do fine on their own.

\---

_8:43 PM_

Maya was already finding it hard to breathe. When Miranda had come up to her and Rodrigo and asked them to guard the civilians, she had agreed, thinking it would be easy. But all the people ran off in different directions, searching for an exit, and for nearly twenty minutes, Rodrigo had run around, herding them toward her. Miranda herself was in a completely different area—strategy, she had said—along with the soldiers.

Perhaps Maya shouldn’t have agreed to this. Another cloud of Akuma loomed overtop them, and even flares of Innocence-ridden fire couldn’t reach them. Rodrigo’s sound waves did little damage, but the Akuma were picking the civilians off like the metaphorical flies they were.

As much as she despised the girl, Krista was doing the most up there, dodging bullets and taking out as many Akuma as possible. She had joined their efforts, as most of the Level Ones were going for the easy prey.

Batting yet another missile away from the civilians with her flaming sword, Maya surveyed the group. It was smaller than it had been only five minutes ago, and though their screams had died, their tears had not. Another bullet fell like hail from the sky, striking a young girl in the shoulder. She was ash within seconds. Furious, Maya tried again to make a tongue of fire bolt far enough in the sky. She was rewarded with an explosion.

A second later, half the cloud was gone. Apparently, Akuma set each other off when in extremely close quarters. But just as before, the portal in the sky spewed out replacements for them. The atmosphere was growing heavy with an almost hopeless feeling, but Maya ignored it. She heard Rodrigo grunt as he fell to the ground, dodging a bullet aimed for his head.

A scream shattered through the veil of battle sounds. Maya looked up and saw Krista in a battle with a Level Two. She tried to get close to it, but she couldn’t get her talons in reach. The Akuma had long arms, and it was using their length to simply bat at her, as if playing with its food. Maya felt grimly determined. This Akuma was in reach. Tightening her grip on the sword in her hand, she jumped, grunting with the effort of trying to get extra height. She caught its foot, sinking it lower to the ground and distracting it enough for Krista to get a blow in. It was glancing, but it took the Akuma’s attention from Maya. Swinging her sword back, the Mexican Exorcist sliced the Akuma through, using her momentum to grab Krista and drag her away before it exploded.

She may have muttered something. Or screamed something. She wasn’t sure. Everything was too loud and too quiet at the same time; there was too much going on. Maya heard Rodrigo’s guitar, the whine of the Akuma cannons, Krista screeching as usual, heartfelt prayers from the doomed people below, and then suddenly, everything was silent. Everything was gone, except for the pain that rocketed through her. She felt her grip on Krista’s ankle loosen and fall completely. She didn’t feel her hand hit the ground.

She blinked. Rodrigo blurred into her vision, but everything was so hard to see. Were his lips moving?

“Gabe? Gabriel, stay with me, babe!”

With the last of her breath, she snickered. Only Rodrigo called her that. He called her his angel, even though they were only friends. He called her everything under the sun, and she did the same to him. The only person tolerable enough to be around. Why were his words becoming so garbled? He was saying something else, wasn’t he?

“Rod,” she choked out as ash filled her mouth.

Why did he lurch forward? Why was blood dripping from his mouth? He looked in pain. But there was ash in her mouth, and then everything was ash. She couldn’t see it, but she knew it.

And then there was nothing at all but a sweet, sweet melody and beautiful clouds, and when she looked around, Rodrigo was right next to her.

So were the civilians.


	34. Field of Innocence

Chapter 31—Field of Innocence

__February 14, 2014, 8:57 PM—London, England

The Cat o’ Nine Tails was possibly the best weapon ever invented. It sailed out, nine beautiful and golden snaking strands, and crashed into her enemies with nigh-impossible force. Most of Cyrah’s enemies exploded at once, but for some reason, Chaz Gaffigan was resisting her destructive lashes. Even when she did make contact with his skin, he shrugged it off as if he hadn’t been struck at all. Next to her, Amanda’s discus pelted him ruthlessly, but that, too, was ineffective.

“Die already, you stupid fucker!” Amanda shouted, catching her Innocence and whipping it at him again with renewed force. Sweat sparkled at her temples and forehead as they caught the light from Miranda’s Time Bubble.

The discus struck home, but it didn’t dent Strength at all, as if even his hide—Cyrah refused to call it skin—had the fortitude of iron. Trying something new, she waited until Amanda’s next attack before slicing her whip through the air after it. Amanda’s Innocence hit Strength in the arm, and Cyrah’s wrapped tightly around it, digging the discus into the Noah’s flesh.

Surprisingly, the Noah screamed out, and a great stream of blood drooled its way down the over-muscled appendage. Jerking his arm free with a grimace that might have indicated pain, Strength punched the ground. A great pile of concrete dust merged with the smoke and debris, blinding Cyrah to everything farther from her than her skin. Thankfully, Strength did not attack, though when the dust finally cleared, he was gone.

Cyrah looked around, trying to locate her enemy. Gravely, she turned to Amanda, who was searching in a similar manner.

“The coward,” she hissed.

“He’s probably somewhere else completely,” Amanda agreed. Pointing to her left, a place Cyrah noticed had fewer Akuma, Amanda added, “I’ll head over there. If you find him, give me a buzz through the earring.” She pointed to the stud that doubled as a walkie-talkie of sorts.

Cyrah didn’t agree overtly, but she shifted her eyes away from the young girl, knowing that they would both get to finish the cowardly bastard off.

She headed off in a different direction of her own and was forced to dodge a flash of purple light. Twitching her eyes in its direction, she saw a Level Four dueling Chu-chan. High above, a green flutter alerted Cyrah to the presence of her least favorite apprentice. She said that with all fondness.

With a flick of her wrist, the Cat extended the length of its tails. A second flick brought it into glancing contact with the Level Four. Another purple light arced its way toward her, and she dodged. Flipping her Innocence out once more, she managed to encircle the golden tails around the Akuma’s ankles, knocking it to the ground as Chu-chan’s machine gun wore down its armor.

A bazooka blast came from nowhere, charging into the Level Four’s head. It did little actual damage, but a second strike with the whip over the same place drew the oily blood from inside the little bugger.

“Elliot, what did Chu tell you about staying away from the higher levels?” Cyrah squawked after him, but the little British boy was already gone, aiming at a nearby Level Two.

The Level Four abruptly moved backward, obviously getting sucked into the vacuum that was the Level Six.

“Not another one!” Cyrah yelled, frustrated. She sent out her Innocence once more, willing the tails to become stiff and pointed. All nine punctured the Akuma’s chest with surprising accuracy, and fell to the ground, no longer alive or useful to the death machine being created.

Taking a brief pause to assess the situation, Cyrah saw a Level Five from the corner of her eye. “Tuan!” She called. She might have heard a grunt, but she was already jumping out of range of the first shot. Chu activated his Innocence to its third level attacks, sending out cannon balls of pure Innocence at the laughing Akuma in front of them.

Cyrah had not been at the battle in the United Nations building, but Chu-chan had. His look of terror as he saw what descended upon them convinced her that Level Fives were not to be trifled with. She’d never fought one before. She wasn’t looking forward to it.

Its opening attack of spikes that seemed to be laden with poison struck at the ground, Exorcists—who dodged—and other Akuma alike. It was a blessing, Cyrah supposed, that a spike killed a Level Four that had been looming nearby. It allowed her to concentrate on not being slain. She was very glad that she had decided to join the soldiers in their military exercises. She dodged another round of spikes and unleashed her Innocence upon the advancing Level Five. One lash of her deadly whip shredded a wing, disturbingly near its shoulder. It let out a guttural cry, and in its distraction, Cyrah ripped the other one off. It made a nasty, screeching sound as it tore and fell to the ground.

The Level Five fell down after its wing, its mutilated child’s face wrenched in acute pain. It vaguely surprised her that Akuma could feel such things, but at this state of evolution, she had no idea what to expect. She cast a cursory glance over to the Level Six and saw it was still absorbing Akuma as if they were its power source. Then she was back, focusing on her own battle, renting deep fissures in the Level Five’s back. Chu-chan followed up with a volley of bullets that nestled themselves deep inside the Akuma.

Cyrah didn’t expect it to explode that quickly, but as she tore its head from above its shoulders, it made a gagging sound and spread shrapnel and fire through the smoke-filled air. Another winged creature flew down, and Cyrah pulled her Innocence upward, intending to crash it down on the airborne figure.

“Cyraaaah!” It shouted, impacting with her. She fell backward with the creature’s momentum. Something warm and wet hit her neck, and when she finally realized what was happening, she pushed her least favorite apprentice off of her.

“This is a battle!” She reprimanded, looking up into the sky and scanning for more Akuma. Besides a third Level Four that had engaged Chu-chan, there were none paying attention to them. “You don’t _do_ things like—what is it!?” She tried not to be aggravated, but the little girl was _crying._

“Maya and Rodrigo are dead! I don’t know what to do! All the civil—civili—people are dead. Please let me fight with you, Cyrah! I’m scared.” The girl was pleading, and as much as Cyrah wanted to refuse, she just couldn’t. Gathering the girl back into her arms, she gave her a brief but heart-felt hug.

“There are lots of Level Ones and Twos higher in the air. Can you get rid of them for us?” She asked as gently as she could, despite the fact that she had to scream out her request.

Krista nodded, sniffing, and ascended with a flap of her green-flaming wings. Cyrah was rewarded for her patience, because a moment later there was a series of satisfying explosions from above. She had to admit, the little girl was good… but not good enough for what was heading her way. She screamed at the top of her lungs for the girl to get away. The battle was too loud, though, and Krista didn’t even acknowledge that she had heard her.

The Level Three was drawing in on her latest apprentice. Lashing her whip at a lower-leveled Akuma trying to take advantage of her lapse in attention and consequently destroying it, Cyrah screamed again.

And then she froze, her cries cut off mid-word. She found where Strength had disappeared to. She extended all nine tails, trying to reach the minuscule girl who was so high in the air, but Strength—carried by the Level Three Cyrah had just tried to warn her pupil of—got to her first. The Noah launched himself from the aggrieved-looking Akuma and grabbed hold of Krista’s wings, ripping them from her back.

Krista screamed and fell. Cyrah watched, transfixed, as her apprentice landed with a splatting noise just a few feet in front of her. Blood splashed onto her jacket, but she could do little more than blink. Above, Strength was being held once more by his Akuma chariot.

Machine gun fire alerted her that Chu-chan, too, had seen her student being slaughtered. She ripped her eyes from Chu’s battle with Strength and channeled all of her numbness and repressed grief into her whip. It glowed even brighter and rained terror down on anything that touched it. She needed to reach them, lend her son what aid she could, and take down the son of a bitch that had killed so many.

_More power,_ she hissed to her Innocence, _more synch_.

It responded to her by glowing a brilliant, dazzling gold. It shot through a Level Five, destroying it with ease. Cyrah smiled bitterly. If only her Innocence could do that to—

A cry, a small, tiny yelp, alerted her to Chu-chan’s battle. She looked ahead and saw Strength smash his head against a nearby telephone pole. He went down, and he didn’t get back up.

“Tuan!” She yelled, running with desperation over to the one person who had been her friend. The one person who had supported her when the Order had killed her unborn child. The person who had become like her own child.

Ignoring the battle completely, she ran over to his side, where Strength was looming.

“You stay the fuck away from him, BITCH!” She shrieked, wailing her Innocence on him with as much force as she could muster. For the second time, she saw blood. He looked up at her, distracted from the Vietnamese man he’d been fighting. The Noah ran forward, obviously trying to hit her with a punch. Cyrah didn’t much feel like getting hit, though, so she recalled the claws back and struck out again. All nine tails wrapped around Strength’s already outstretched wrist. Pulling down, she was once again splattered with blood as the Noah’s hand fell with a _plop_ to the ground.

His gait faltered, and Cyrah lashed out a second time. The claws—large, sharp diamonds of Innocence—dug deep into his shoulders and back. One claw hit him in the forehead, on the ugly parody of the stigmata. He got up and made to hit her again, but she dodged quickly, just as she had done with every other fight. She was surprisingly dexterous, easily able to dart to the sides and fall to the ground, only to spring back up moments later, despite her age. She made use of her ability now.

She whipped his side, cutting deep welts there. Jumping from his fist again, Cyrah pelted his legs. The Noah fell to the ground, and Cyrah used the opportunity to cripple him further. He ducked under the pain of her whip, but she continued, switching hands so that the marks cluttering his back criss-crossed. Perhaps it was sadistic of her, but she felt a little inkling of satisfaction as the Noah whimpered in apparent pain.

“Where’s your strength now, Noah?” She asked mockingly. Kicking him in the side she’d whipped, she added, “come on, get up. You didn’t go easy on Artemis; I’m not going to go easy on you. You killed my son, you killed my apprentice. I think it’s time for you to die.”

The Noah tried to get up, but Cyrah wrapped the whip around his neck as he raised his head. She pulled back and up, taking a step backward to add strength to the maneuver. Just like his wrist, his head popped off.

It made a gratifying squelching sound as it hit the ground only half a meter from the hunched-over body.

She continued whipping at the corpse. Noahs didn’t go down easily.

But he never got up, even after his body was little more than a sliced-up, tenderized piece of meat.

\---

_9:33 PM_

This battle was unlike all the others Lavi had ever been in. For one, he was overwhelmed with trying to pay attention to everything while still fighting. Worse, though, was how blinding his worry for his lover was becoming. Yuu had only three and a half petals. The man hadn’t talked about it, but Lavi knew he was worried. The careful way he was fighting indicated that.

Yuu took down the Level Four he was fighting with a final stroke of his chokuto. He turned back to look at Lavi, and their eyes met before the redhead went back to his own Level Four.

“ _Hiban!_ ” He yelled, striking his hammer down on the seal beneath his feet. The fiery snake shot out from his hammer, engulfing the Akuma in front of him. While it was distracted, he hit it with the pointed tip of his Innocence, and it died with a gurgling explosion.

Another Akuma came up—a Level Five this time. Looking over at Yuu with a determined expression, Lavi nodded. They would take this one down together. He saw Yuu activate his Fourth Illusion and begin attacking. Suddenly, he was flying back. Extending Oodzuchi into the ground to stop his fall, he looked at the Level Five. _How_ had he not noticed that shot coming?

Running forward, he made to hit the Akuma, but Yuu was already dancing around it, slicing at limbs as the Akuma shot beams of purple light at him, missing each time. Lavi tried not to be distracted, but just as when he was training, Yuu was a vision when he fought. Lavi wished he could take the time to fix the image in his brain further than his Bookman-trained mind did automatically, but he’d get yelled at if he stayed out of the fight too long. He came back with a vengeance, blocking a few of the purple beams with the head of his hammer.

He managed to hit the damn thing with a direct fire seal, though it did next to nothing. He needed more power in his attacks. He struck his hammer down on the damn thing’s head, and his Innocence shone with the effort. Yuu got the fucker through the face, and then it, too, was slain as the swordsman ripped the blade down through metal and flesh to the ground.

A loud, grunting cry came from next to them as Tamas passed through, throwing his machete into the air to change its angle in his hand. He stabbed at the Level Five he was fighting, missing. He slashed at the Akuma, this time making brief contact, but Lavi couldn’t concentrate on that battle to see what else happened.

There were more Level Fours and Fives emerging from wherever the hell they’d come.

“Use your fire seal directly after my attack,” Yuu yelled as he passed by. Lavi nodded, turning and following his lover until they were engaging the nearest Level Four. He did as he was told. The Akuma tried to hit them with purple light, but it was dead before it could release the energy.

“We make a great team, don’t we, Yuu?” He asked as they took on the next Akuma. In the distance, Lavi heard an epic explosion, and when he turned his attention briefly to its origins, he saw a mini-Tamas looking triumphant as he fought a new enemy.

Yuu grunted—Lavi hoped it was affirmative, but he didn’t have the time to care. They were in for a long night. And from the looks of things—the Level Six absorbing so many, the Earl cackling from his position atop the Eye, the portal spewing out a never-ending supply of Akuma—it was going to be tiring.

\---

_9:41 PM_

With a tiny moan, Faith’s world regained color, if not focus. Around her was an impossibility. All her kin, from Sarah to Cyril, crowded above her with blurry expressions of concern. She tried to sit up, but soft, gentle hands held her down.

_It’s okay,_ Road said in her head, tugging at bonds that still ached from being mutilated. _You’re hurt. The Earl did something very bad to…_ The voice faded away, leaving her head and reappearing a moment later like a badly-tuned radio. … _eed to know how they can help._

She opened her mouth to speak, but words would not come out. Her vocal chords wouldn’t move, as if they were stuck. All that passed through her throat was air. The fuzziness of her vision had not receded. Delving into her mind, she looked at the bonds. They’d been manhandled, stretched thin in places. Some held the erratic pattern of being fisted. It hurt to look at them, it hurt to see how ragged they were.

_Faith, dear, you can’t hear, and your vision feels wrong to me. You lost your voice screaming. I can heal that for you, but you have to let me close._ Elizabeth was speaking, though her voice was soft, rising and falling like Road’s had.

_You… are outside?_ She asked, wincing as her inner voice cut at her own head. It traveled through one of her many bonds, and she wanted to scream out as pain hit the Healer’s section of her brain. It hurt to use the bonds, just like it had hurt to look at them, only this was physical.

_Dear, you won’t let anyone but Road touch you. Please, let me help you. I may even be able to do something about the bonds,_ Elizabeth implored. Faith tried to nod, but that only made her vision swim more.

A hand touched her head, a sweet, cool hand that felt like ice on fevered skin. She tried not to flinch back, to bat it away, though she wanted to. She didn’t know why, but she wanted to. Elizabeth placed a second hand to her chest, and suddenly everything was peaceful, as if there wasn’t a battle raging outside wherever they were, as if hundreds of people hadn’t just been killed, as if Six wasn’t about to happen. It was as if all there was in the world was her and her kin in a nice, warm room. The bright, blurred flashes from the distance didn’t bother her.

A bond fixed itself, and then Elizabeth was inside her again, healing her as fast as possible. The other bonds righted themselves, straightening and evening until they were as they should be. Vision returned to normal, and sound came to her ears. She coughed loudly as her voice returned.

Looking up at her dear friends, her dear brothers and sisters, she spoke aloud. “How long?”

“Nearly an hour and a half,” Tyki answered. He knew she was asking about the battle. They all did. They were all connected, after all.

“How are you all…?” She asked, sitting up.

“We’ve always been with you, just hidden where the Earl couldn’t find us,” Sarah responded softly.

“I… I’m sorry,” Faith said meekly, looking down at her lap and twiddling her fingers absentmindedly.

A warm hand, one she had not felt in a long time, was placed on her shoulder. Faith looked up into Sarah’s gentle, open face. “It is not your fault,” she said, and Faith nodded. She believed Sarah. She would always believe Sarah.

“Is there anything we can do?” Charlie asked, his voice passionate.

“Just help in any way you can,” Faith said. “And forgive me,” she added as an afterthought.

“There was never anything to forgive,” Sarah said, smiling. She reached down, hugging Faith, before she turned and left the room, beckoning for the others to join her.

Faith watched them leave and pulled herself further into Road’s light embrace. “I’m cold,” she said. She felt Road nod against her head.

“I know, Faith. You’ll be warm soon, okay?”

Faith shivered into Road. “Do you promise?” She asked, knowing she sounded childlike but needing the reassurance anyway.

“I promise,” Road said firmly. Faith smiled. It would all be okay as long as she was warm.

\---

_10:29 PM_

Death. All around her was death. Moans and groans and gurgles as people died. Cries as the soldiers fell, one by one. To her left, a Russian boy barely older than her succumbed to the poison the Akuma bullets contained. To her right, a young German woman screamed as an Akuma tore her arm off. Someone else shot at the Akuma, and it exploded, incinerating the limb and splattering blood and gore everywhere. Some of it hit Emiko.

She shot the more agile shuriken at an Akuma in the distance as she searched the faces of the soldiers. Emiko laughed to herself. They were dropping like flies. Or like those people in Star Trek who wore the red uniforms. She had always liked Star Trek. She wasn’t so sure she did anymore.

Hiroshi. That’s who she was looking for, even as her Innocence recalled itself to her hand and morphed back into its first level—the nunchucks—for easier hand-to-hand combat. She whapped the nearest Level Two. It struck back, but she continued in with her attacks, jumping about like the ninja she supposed she represented. She was a bad ninja, though. Everyone knew how bad she was at stealth.

She saw a kid with black hair, and her heart lurched. She bludgeoned the Akuma into the ground, where it exploded, sending little bits of gray stone and dust everywhere. Vikram ran over to her and screamed something that she couldn’t understand. There was too much noise everywhere.

“More soldiers?” He screamed again, Emiko shook her head.

“No!” She yelled back. “They’ll all die, it isn’t worth it!”

Vikram nodded and turned back to the Akuma he was fighting. Emiko threw her shuriken into a nearby Akuma, which had been coming up behind a lone solider. She froze as she recognized his posture.

“Hiroshi, get down!” She screamed, and the boy ducked and narrowly escaped the following explosion.

“SASAKI!” Vikram’s voice rang out as a warning bell, and she turned just in time to see it. The Indian Man had his back to her, ass crack showing as always—he hadn’t worn the belt to the battle, claiming it to be “too precious to lose.” Emiko didn’t believe a word of it. He shuddered backward as a projectile careened into him with a whistling noise.

She lobbed her shuriken at the attacking Akuma, more out of reflex than anything else. Dropping to Vikram’s side, she grabbed his head. He was too dark, and blackened stars were forming over every inch of exposed flesh.

“No,” she whispered, horrified. “Vikram!”

He smiled up at her, his eyes crinkling in that way they always did when he was truly happy. “Keep fighting, Sasa-chan.”

He watched as Vikram turned to ash in his arms. And then he got up and _fought_.

\---

_11:04 PM_

Power was fading. Time pulsed within her, and she gasped wildly. It was becoming so hard to hold on to everything. Miranda felt a groan coming from deep within her throat and released it out into the night air. Time was so hard to keep at a standstill. All around her, people’s times disappeared, extinguished as easily as the flame at the end of a candle.

She felt nauseous. It was probably from the strain of holding on to the Time Bubble and keeping her Innocence activated. In front of her, Lolek was leaning over, favoring his left arm. He’d broken his right dodging a flying patio table. Miranda felt a twinge of guilt at not being able to put him under her Time Recovery. But she was needed for something else right now.

Looking to her left, she let out a startled gasp. The Time Bubble shuddered a bit, but she held it in place. Just barely.

“My name’s Charlie,” said the Noah to her side. “I’m here to help.” He had brown hair with tints of ginger that reminded her of Darcy. His eyes were a clear blue, but they had nothing on Lolek’s distinct hue. Dimly, Miranda supposed he was attractive, but holding all the time was keeping her from really noticing anything about him. He was about her age, though. Probably younger. Like Lolek.

“How much do you want to keep this bubble up?” Charlie asked her, leaning down and hovering a hand over her shoulder.

Miranda just nodded and let out a whining groan. She couldn’t do anything more. It was too hard to concentrate on speaking. Charlie’s words were already getting dim. He placed his hand on her shoulder, and suddenly everything was _stable._

“You have passion, so I can help. But if you pushed yourself any harder, you would have hurt it,” he said, as if he was making sense. She supposed it made sense to him. She, however, was lost.

“It?” She gasped out. Charlie just smiled and shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. He gripped her shoulder a little. Warmth was emanating from that spot, coursing through Miranda’s body like a current, and the bubble had become much lighter, a brilliant gold mingling with the emerald green. Perhaps she could hold it through the course of the battle after all. She only wished that people’s times wouldn’t be snuffed out at such a frequent pace.

\---

_11:58 PM_

They’d been fighting for a while. The Akuma just kept coming. Around two hours ago, Amanda had seen a winged figure in the sky near the portal, but whatever that person was trying to do, it was failing.

She was getting tired. She had found Tamas about an hour after she had left Cyrah, though he’d disappeared again. The man fought like a maniac, slashing his machete about as if he was trying to escape an insane asylum. She had never seen anyone fight like that, in a trance-like anger that destroyed all around it. It didn’t matter if they were friend or foe—if they were in the machete’s range, they’d be gone.

Amanda found herself impressed that they were all doing so well against such high-leveled Akuma. It must have been that they’d trained their synch rates up so much. Hevlaska had tested them all before the battle. Amanda was at a solid 99 percent. Darcy was behind her with an impressive 95. Even Lolek, a shadow of a man without his sister, was at nearly 80.

She tore into the nearest Akuma, a Level Three. It exploded a moment later, and she couldn’t help but feel somewhat victorious, despite her fatigue. It was replaced a moment later with another one. It looked stronger than the others. But that was just her mind playing tricks on her, because in the blink of an eye, it was nothing more than fire and oil.

A loud, screeching grunt sounded near to her, and when she looked over, Tamas was there, hacking his weapon in every direction. He was focused on his vicious battle with a Level Five. Amanda couldn’t help but watch for a second. She had never actually _seen_ Tamas fight—she’d only heard stories.

The man was truly a Berserker. If she was honest with herself, it scared her a little. Tamas plunged his machete deep into the Level Five, only to pull back and repeat the action. The gray blade sliced the air and sunk into the Akuma’s humanlike flesh with a sickening squelch. Black, oily blood seeped from each wound Tamas inflicted. The Akuma itself tried to strike the Hungarian man, but his eyes narrowed in intense anger and concentration. He nearly flew backward as he evaded the attack. His foot slipped as he landed, but he kept his balance and lunged forward again, his Innocence shining a bright, pure green.

Shaking her head, Amanda returned to the battle around her, riding her adrenaline high. Her discus flew out and exploded three nearby Level Ones. It ran through a Level Two, destroying it as well. By the time it was back in her hand, the slight challenge of a Level Three had appeared in front of her. She tossed her Innocence at it, but it seemed to be more nimble than its predecessors.

“Boomerang!” Amanda shouted, tossing her Innocence out again. She missed the Akuma on purpose and waited for it to return, hoping her enemy wouldn’t attack her while her Innocence flung back at her.

Tamas stepped in between them, still fighting. Amanda screamed out as she saw the Level Three’s attack fly out of its mouth. It hit Tamas’s entire right side. At first, it seemed like nothing had happened. Then steam began to rise from the berserk Exorcist’s clothing.

“Tamas!” Amanda shouted, forgetting to concentrate on her Innocence, which recalled itself to her hand and deactivated there. The man continued to hack and chop at the Level Five, despite his burning flesh. The Akuma fell, and Tamas followed.

“Amanda! Watch out!”

She would recognize that voice anywhere, and she immediately followed its instructions. She threw herself to the ground, not caring if she landed on top of a dead body of a soldier—one who hadn’t been hit with a bullet. A thin string of the Akuma’s acidic spit flew over her head, and she rolled away from it, not wanting to risk getting hit at all. Activating her Innocence again, she made to throw the discus. Darcy was in front of her, though.

“Darce! Left!” She screamed. With a flick of her wrist, her Innocence sailed out over the battlefield and toward the Akuma. The fight began in earnest, with both her and her boyfriend dodging attacks and sending some of their own back.

Amanda felt herself soaring as she was hit with a solid punch from her enemy. She hit the ground, coughing up a small amount of blood. Her ribs hurt, though they didn’t feel broken. Sitting up, she made to stand, but another strand of acid shot at her.

She stared in horror as Darcy jumped in front of it. The second it hit, he threw his Exorcist jacket off, as well as his pants. It didn’t matter, though. Amanda wondered why her face _burned._ She wondered why there was such a _stench_ in the air. Like rotting flesh.

Suddenly, she was in the air, moving very fast and then falling. Water engulfed her, and the burning died away, though the pain remained. There was ginger all around her, holding her tightly to a warm, bare chest. Waterlogged though her eyes were, she looked up to see the face of the man she loved. Everything was dank and dreary in the water. It registered dimly in the back of her head that she might be in the Thames. The very polluted Thames.

Immediately, she shut her eyes.

\---

_1:00 AM_

Their plan had gone irreversibly awry. He and Lenalee had spent the last five hours trying to get to the Eye, where they had planned to be at the beginning. That had failed. There had been so many people, too many people, and Allen and Lenalee had herded them all to the farthest point from the Eye. The only problem was getting _back_ to their earlier position.

Opening a gate in the Ark was impossible. Sebastian was gone. Allen had felt Mana’s brother being literally torn out of his mind, ripped away as if the man had never been there at all. He searched his hallway of doors, but the Noah simply wasn’t there. His door was demolished, as if Sebastian had taken root and his exodus from Allen’s head had destroyed part of the white-haired boy’s mind. From the way the left side of his head _ached_ , he assumed that hypothesis to be correct.

Together, the two of them tore through another Level Five. The longer they’d battled, the less high levels they’d seen, but Allen was still wary. He could somehow feel that Sarah was alive, somewhere in the air. She was determined to do something. Allen didn’t know what, though. He wanted to communicate through the bonds he and Lenalee had recently become aware of—now placed behind a Noah door in his mind—but there was a buzzing noise whenever he tried to access them. He guessed that the Earl was interfering.

The Eye loomed above them, the Earl at its very peak. The Level Six was still absorbing Akuma, though the flow had slowed down. Lulubell was next to it, batting away what few Akuma she could. She was powerful, not to mention a Noah, but there was such a sheer, overwhelming number of the metal creatures that she couldn’t keep up. The Earl just laughed from atop his perch, and Allen glared up at his enemy. Right now, though, the Earl could wait. They needed to find Faith.

He reached for her door in his mind, opening it with ease, and looked inside. A single, very strong bond was inside, but it was coated in something shining and white. Cringing, Allen tried to pull it off, but it wouldn’t budge. This was the interference. It hurt his ears and mind and head all at once and made him want to scream with the all-encompassing pain. His eye ached from seeing so many Akuma, and it bled from the horrific sight of the Level Fives. He was wearied, his body riddled with a pain it could not withstand.

He activated his mind-self’s Innocence and clawed at the white resistance. It shattered immediately under the tip of his black claw. With his right hand, he held the bond and called out to Faith.

_Allen? Where are you?_ Faith asked. Her voice was strong and clear in his head. Glancing at Lenalee as she faced off with a nearby Level Four, he smiled.

_At the foot of the Eye. Where are you?_ He responded.

_I’m in one of the carriages. Please find me. We need to confront the Earl—you, Lenalee, me, and Road, all of us together._

Allen nodded, though he knew the girl couldn’t see it. He joined in with Lenalee’s fight, throwing his sword until it splattered through its target. It was messy and an unnecessary way to kill an Akuma, but they needed to hurry, and all that really mattered was that the soul was saved.

Many people didn’t understand his point of view, but Akuma were precious to him. He loved them, just as he loved humans.

Grabbing Lenalee’s hand, he pulled her up to the very base of the Eye.

“Clown Belt!” He yelled, and the strands of his Innocence shot forth, attaching around one of the carriages halfway up. He beckoned Lenalee forward; she came into his arms willingly. Holding tightly onto her waist, he let them rocket up as he retracted the Innocence back around his wrist.

It wasn’t Faith’s carriage, but the bond behind Faith’s door twitched, as if they were getting closer. Allen repeated the process until a voice shouted out in his head.

_I’m in here! Don’t move!_

Nodding grimly, Allen reluctantly pulled away from Lenalee and waited for the carriage door to open. They both flipped into it from the roof. In the middle, there was a plastic block, obviously meant to act as a bench. Faith was sitting on it, curled up in Road’s arms. Road looked up at them.

“What took you so long?” She asked, smiling despite the accusation in her tone.

“The civilians,” Allen replied shortly. Lenalee went from his side to hug both Faith and her companion.

“This is the first time we’ve met in person, Allen Walker, Lenalee Lee,” Faith observed, squeezing Lenalee until she started choking from lack of air. “I have a request for you two.”

“Anything, Faith,” Lenalee said in a strangled voice, pulling back and breathing in deeply. She coughed lightly, and the holy girl apologized softly.

“Sarah is fighting the Earl, trying to close the portal. It’s an entirely mental battle, though, so they are both occupied. Will you help Lulu? She’s having trouble keeping the Akuma from entering the Six.”

They nodded in unison, wearing identical expressions that were half determination, half concern. Stepping out of the carriage, Lenalee activated her boots further so that she could walk comfortably on air. She grabbed his hand, pulling him along with her. He didn’t feel solid air beneath him, but gravity didn’t have a hold on him either.

Lulubell was in her human form, sporting her usual blonde hair and sunglasses. The light brush of stigmata that was so much like theirs was covered in sweat as she batted away as many Akuma as she could.

Being so close to the Six made Allen uneasy. He could feel the uncontrolled evil and the overwhelming sadness inside of it. It was overpowering, and it was hard to concentrate on destroying the numerous Akuma that were funneling into it. He felt his left eye leaking more blood but ignored it as he drew his blade from his left arm.

“Cross Grave!” He cried. Crosses formed over several of the lower-leveled beings, and they exploded. Lenalee stamped by, jumping from Akuma to Akuma, annihilating them with just the touch of her heel.

They just kept coming, no matter how many were destroyed. Thankfully, most of them weren’t making it into the Akuma. They fought for hours, using energy they’d wanted to save for their battle against the Earl. Abruptly, a bright, blue light sliced through the sky, explosions in its wake. Another followed, and a third hit the portal that was still spewing their metal enemies. It imploded, the stream of Akuma drying up as the source was dammed.

Allen looked around. More sharp light pierced the battlefield, carving out great swaths in the illuminated dome. The blue was the exact shade of Mugen’s activation. Allen had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Catching Lenalee’s gaze, he voiced his worry. “I think something may have happened to Lavi.”

Lenalee could only nod, her eyes fearful.

\---

_3:26 AM_

Tyki kind of felt bad that he had tried to kill the Japanese man before. He really was a very good fighter.

“May I join in the fun?” He asked as he fell into step behind the two Exorcists. He called his Tease from inside his body, preparing a strike. The two Exorcists turned abruptly, and Tyki shot a swarm of Tease at the incoming attacker from which he had drawn their attention. The Japanese man stared at him angrily, making a tiny, derisive noise, but he went back to his fight.

Tossing another few Tease at the looming Level Five, Tyki joined in.

They fought for hours, the never ending stream of Akuma descending on them as they had at the beginning of the battle.

Skin joined them an hour or two after Tyki had arrived. They were a destructive group. The fast healing powers of the Noahs helped them as they were tossed back. Tyki was especially grateful for his own personal ability. He was very nearly untouchable, and though he couldn’t do much damage up close—the high levels moved too fast—his Tease ate through anything remotely edible. It was a pity they didn’t have much of a taste for Akuma flesh and blood, but they gnawed at it anyway, weakening the machines until they could be destroyed with Innocence.

He wanted to make them self-destruct, but he no longer had that power. They wouldn’t listen to a Noah that was uncorrupted. He’d felt Strength’s death from inside of Faith. He’d felt Chaz return to a subliminal state where he could be purified.

The way the Exorcists fought disturbed him, though. Lavi, in particular, kept looking back at Kanda. The look in his one visible eye was one that Tyki faked frequently. But the Portuguese Noah knew that look was not fake for them. Love, lust, pleasure passion, it was all related. Sarah, Lulu, and Charlie would agree with that as well. Of course, without his dark side, pleasure had a completely different meaning. The redhead was fighting a Level Four, and as the Akuma exploded, he turned left.

Tyki tried to shout out. Lavi had a blind side—he hadn’t seen the Level Three approaching from his right. With a sickening, ripping squelch, claw met flesh and bone. Lavi screamed as his momentum was thrown the other way. His eye met the dark-haired Exorcist’s as he fell, his intestines spilling onto the dusty, oily ground a moment before he landed. Tyki sent one of his larger Tease at the Level Three and felt disgusted when he saw what looked like half of a ribcage stuck like a shish kabob to the Akuma’s claw.

It took only a moment for Kanda to be at his lover’s side. Making a quick decision, Tyki returned to the battle. He would protect the ones he had once tried to kill.

“Lavi.” He tried to ignore the hoarse whisper from the Japanese man. There was a gurgle in response, one of a man choking on blood.

“…It hurts,” came the response. Tyki didn’t want to hear this. He shot his arm through the nearest Akuma—a Level Two—and ripped it apart much like the Level Three had done to Lavi.

“Use the water seal. It heals, right?” Kanda’s voice was desperate, almost pleading. It hurt Tyki to hear.

But he had to turn around, because there was an Akuma over there. His heart broke as the Japanese man picked up the redhead’s Innocence and curled his hand around it. Lavi whispered out the invocation, and a small string of water leapt from the tip of the hammer onto his stomach.

“Lavi, that’s not enough.”

“Too—tired…” Lavi muttered. Tyki tore apart another Akuma from the inside and looked back at the Exorcists, unable to keep his eyes away. Kanda was tentatively packing Lavi’s intestines close to the redhead’s body with shaking hands. The image made Tyki’s stomach roil.

Above him, he heard Skin roar out a warning. Tyki made his body incorporeal as his bulky brother passed through him, landing with shattering force on the ground. Beneath his feet, an Akuma was being scrunched. It gave out a dying cough and exploded.

“Skin,” Tyki said, struck with inspiration. He reached out as his brother made to move away. Skin turned around, shooting him a questioning look. “Can you give strength to that one?” He pointed to Lavi, whose water seal was already falling apart.

Skin grunted and walked over as Tyki slammed his fist inside an Akuma, planting several of his Tease inside it. They ate it quickly, dissolving it to nothing. The noise of metal grating metal did not cover Lavi’s scream as Skin forced lightning into the redhead’s system. It was painful, but if infused correctly, the lightning could strengthen the redhead enough to heal properly. Skin was like a battery, providing energy. It was how he himself ran.

Turning once more to the battle, Tyki was thrown back by a surprise attack from a Level Four. He grimaced in pain, but it was gone a moment later. There were times when he loved being a Noah. Actually, there wasn’t a time when he didn’t. A bright, purple light streaked forth, and Tyki deflected it with a hastily-created Tease shield. The golem cracked under the pressure and fell to the ground, broken. The Tease that were still inside him were few in number, but he could let them grow again. They could eat at his own organs should they need fuel. It hurt, but he’d heal, and they could multiply. A symbiotic relationship, he thought, his grimace turning to an amused grin.

Moments later, the Level Four was destroyed and he was turning back to the two Exorcists. Skin was stepping back; the redhead lifted his hammer, and a strong stream of water flowed down onto his stomach. It pushed organs back into place, and spat oil and metal out from the gaping wound. Relief crossed Lavi’s face, and he subsequently passed out.

Kanda sat up, grief written clearly on his face. He pulled his Innocence from his hip, activating it as he stepped forward. He came up next to Tyki, a grim look covering his features.

“ _Gogen_ ,” he hissed. Tyki didn’t know what it meant, but the Innocence shone a livid blue and formed a double-sided spear. Kanda stared at it, and a smirk lifted the corners of his lips.

“ _Rokugen!_ ” He yelled, his voice gruff and almost broken with something that could only be described as a gut-wrenching anguish and resignation. The staff broke down into a two-bladed form Tyki had seen before. Lurid lines of blue twined themselves tightly around Kanda’s arms in close-knit coils, connecting the two blades.

The man looked down almost incredulously at his Innocence. “ _Hontoni?_ ” He asked it. He slashed the air in front of him, and Tyki ducked as a scythe-shaped _wave_ of energy rippled through the air, destroying all enemies in its path. Tyki smelled something akin to burning hair and patted out his smoldering curls.

Somehow, a caring Kanda was far scarier than the original version.

The dark-haired man laughed. It was humorless, almost bitter, and unerringly sad. He turned to the cloud of Akuma above and crossed his blades, swiping them downward. Great, thundering currents of Innocence shot out, cutting through the sky and clearing it for a moment. Kanda frowned and turned to the portal. He aimed a shot there, and his target imploded in on itself. Tyki watched, astonished, as the man let out three more swiping strokes before the Innocence in his hands dissolved and returned to his left hip.

Kanda cried out and stumbled backward, clutching his chest as if in acute pain. A bullet came from nowhere, lodging itself deep into Kanda’s upper chest, the opposite side of the one he was holding. His mouth opened as if in shock, and he stumbled backward, ripping the Akuma bullet—too thin and uniformly shaped to be from anything but a Level One—away. He tossed it to the ground. Tyki made himself incorporeal again, fearing attack, as he watched the man trip backwards over Lavi’s fallen and bleeding body.

Kanda’s head landed with a sharp, nauseating crack. His eyes went wide for a second. Tyki walked forward to look over the dark-haired man.

His pupils were dilated.

Outside of the Time Bubble, the first streak of light poured out from the horizon.


	35. Innocent Rain

Chapter 32—Innocent Rain

__February 15, 2014, 6:45 AM—London, England

She needed the eye. Something fell into her, and it doubled, filling the two round spaces in her skull. Skin. She needed that next. It, too, fell into place. It stretched all across her skeleton, clothing her. Her veins were dry, but something flowed into them in the next moment, and she wanted to sigh in the great relief it brought her. But there was no breath. There couldn’t be, not when she had no heart to move the blood from its stasis. Her skin parted to allow it entrance into her still-barren ribcage. Budding lungs and diaphragm and liver and kidneys and stomach made her system begin to move. Her skin closed itself. She couldn’t move anything yet, though. She was too weak. She needed more energy. She needed more sadness. What she needed, she concluded, was _sorrow._

\---

_6:49 AM_

A great shudder hit the Eye. Allen paused in his fight to meet Lenalee’s purple eyes. She blinked, and the decision was made. The Earl was nearly done with the Level Six. The white-haired Exorcist rammed his sword forward, cutting straight through the Level Three. They’d defeated most of the higher levels now.

Running across the courtyard, past shops and abandoned vending carts, past bodies and blood, they reached the base of the Eye again. A scream pierced the Innocence-lit battlefield. It resounded throughout the entire dome, echoing off the sides and hitting their ears repeatedly with shattering force.

Immediately, Lenalee grabbed him around his waist and jumped, obviously recognizing the voice as well. They soared through the air and stopped as Lenalee landed them lightly on the solid air beneath her feet. Allen’s blood stopped cold in his veins. There was a very fat figure inside the carriage, and it was wearing a very tall top hat. The Earl was in there with Faith.

All reason left him, and he squirmed from Lenalee’s grip, throwing a Clown Belt to open the door and reeling himself in.

“Get off of her!”

It wasn’t Allen who had shouted. It was Sarah. She and Road were in a corner of the carriage, huddling against each other as the Earl slid his hands around Faith’s throat. The image was so wrong, so hideous, that Allen reacted without thinking. He planted his right hand firmly on his left, drawing out the sword that was the inverse of the Millennium Earl’s. Yelling, he lunged forward to the fat man’s profiled form.

The Millennium Earl’s perpetual smile widened, if such a thing was physically possible.

“Allen Walker !” He called, tightening his grip. Faith spluttered a bit, sending Allen a pleading look. _Kill him, please,_ she asked of her Heart in their conjoined heads. He felt Lenalee behind him, her Innocence radiating as bright and gold as his own. She glared death at the Earl, placing her hand on Allen’s left shoulder in silent support.

“If you kill her,” Lenalee whispered, “you kill yourself. Release her and fight us.” Her voice was almost dark with cold, like a long-forgotten December night.

The Earl threw his umbrella golem through the window, tossing Faith afterward. Road opened a small door, and Sarah dove out. A moment later, they saw Sarah—winged with pure, white feathers—holding Faith close to her chest.

Allen released a breath he had not known he was holding. Behind him, he felt Lenalee do the same. The Earl’s sword appeared in his hand, and he rocked forward. Allen tried to block, but the power was so immense that he fell backward, taking Lenalee with him out of the carriage. The parody of a clown jumped after them, diving down with sword bared. Allen threw out a Clown Belt to secure himself and tried to parry the Earl’s attack when it came.

He barely blocked. The Earl came at him again and again, and even as he jerked to a halt, hanging from his Clown Belt, he couldn’t do more than swing away to dodge. He was held up by his good arm, the one holding the sword, and he couldn’t swing it back or move it in any way toward his enemy.

Lenalee shot up from above, attempting to kick the fat clown, but his sword swung around to graze her Innocence. A deep fissure ran horizontally across one of her boots. She glared up at the Earl and advanced again, looking for an angle of attack that could possibly succeed. As she shot forward to attempt another kick, though, she landed on the Earl’s broadsword. She jumped backward, looking frustrated.

The Earl turned back to Allen. He gulped and let his Clown Belt unravel from the main structure of the Eye. His enemy plummeted after him. Allen felt his wrist wrench as the Earl smacked away at his weapon.

There was a scream, and despite being locked in battle, Allen looked over. An exploding grenade of Innocence hit the Earl in the back, doing almost no damage. Allen saw Elliot Manson, the little thirteen-year-old Exorcist with an oversized bazooka. The Earl seemed to contemplate going after the little bugger—Allen disliked him for singeing his hair with his lighter. Fucking pyro.

_Aw, shit, I’m starting to sound like Kanda._ A large shiver went up his spine, and in his distraction, the Earl rent him through with his sword, the inverse of Allen’s own.

Allen’s eyes widened in pain, taking in many details at once. The manic gleam in the Earl’s Noah-gold eyes. The exact sky blue shade of the flowers ringing the Earl’s hat. The glint of early morning light against the Noah of Revenge’s glasses. The pain as the sword severed everything inside his body. The Innocence-green and Noah gold light of the crux of the dome. It pleased Allen to know Charlie had made it to Miranda.

He fell, sliding off the downward-angled blade. He fell and fell and fell. Arms caught him. Slim arms. They were Lenalee’s. He loved Lenalee.

Somewhere in the distance, Faith screamed.

\---

_7:03 AM_

Something heavy landed on him, rousing him from his pain-induced unconsciousness. Everything hurt, especially his stomach, so much that he was nearly numb. He felt something seeping with concerning speed from his body, but he didn’t know what it was.

There were feet on his bleeding stomach. They were very familiar feet. He loved those feet. That didn’t mean he had a foot fetish, though. Wait. Why were those feet there? They shouldn’t have been there. They should have been pounding away at the stone of the courtyard as their owner fought the Akuma. He yanked on the foot, finding strength from deep within him.

“Yuu?” He croaked out. Lavi heard sounds above him and flashed his eye upward. Tyki Mikk was standing there, looking almost… concerned. He took the form that was crushing Lavi and placed it so that the head was on Lavi’s leg.

“I need to keep fighting,” Tyki said softly, barely loud enough to be heard over the sounds of fighting that encompassed them. Lavi couldn’t sit up and stared pleadingly up at the Noah. He sighed and helped Lavi into a sitting position. It hurt. But Lavi needed to see Yuu’s face.

He couldn’t lean down to kiss Yuu’s forehead as he wanted to, but he could place a shaking hand in the man’s hair and smooth it back from his eyes. He glanced down the man’s body. The Exorcist jacket was torn and nearly gone. He could see the Lotus Spell as it stretched farther down his lover’s body, blackening skin and scars and everything Lavi loved.

“Yuu…” he repeated. He was bleeding on Yuu’s head, but there was more blood somewhere else. He felt it on his leg. Prodding at Yuu’s skull, Lavi felt a wave of _hollowness_ wash through him. The man’s eyes fluttered and opened. The Japanese man gazed blearily up at him, his deep charcoal eyes showing confusion.

“La…vi…” Yuu mumbled, barely moving his lips. On his chest, the Lotus Spell ate away at soft, light golden skin.

“Don’t die,” Lavi pleaded, his voice straining against the tears that wanted to fall from his eyes. Even the injured one was tearing up.

“Knew… it would happen,” the dark-haired man said, his voice broken, shaking, and almost sighing the words out.

“No, Yuu… what about Japan? We were gonna go to Japan, right?” Lavi asked, his voice becoming almost incoherent as the first of the tears fell onto Yuu’s face. He wished they would stop the Spell from killing his lover, his sun, his Yuu.

“Wanted to… tell her…” Yuu muttered. A huge, hacking cough ran through him, and blood flung itself from his mouth. His body writhed as more blood forced its way onto the ground. The Lotus Mark was nearly encircling the Japanese man’s body.

“Tell her what, Yuu?” Lavi asked, his voice every bit as desperate as he felt. Yuu couldn’t die. It couldn’t happen. Lavi couldn’t live if Yuu didn’t. It was an impossibility. Just like physics. It said things were impossible. Lavi plus Yuu equaled the world. Lavi minus Yuu equaled nothing. It equaled zero.

“That I… found… you,” Yuu replied. He coughed, bringing up more blood, but he continued. “That I… found… the person…”

The Lotus Spell stopped spreading its death. It melted back, the marks flowing up Yuu’s bare arm, up his neck, up his face. Lavi felt a jolt of something _painful_ and clenched his hand in Yuu’s hair. It was like being _poked_ and _invaded_. A tiny black line ran up his arm. It inched across the redhead’s chest, and his left breast _burned_ as something weaved its way through his skin, eating at him like it had at Yuu.

Yuu gasped and sighed in relief, his eyes closing. He was still breathing. Actually, he seemed to be breathing easier. Lavi wasn’t. He felt weak again. He didn’t know how much blood he’d lost. With his left hand, he reached around for his Innocence. He tried to let go of Yuu, but the black thread between them wouldn’t allow a break in contact. Lavi was feeling dizzy now. He knew his Innocence had deactivated while he had been unconscious. That meant his water seal was gone. Yuu was obviously being healed, but there was blood spurting from his stomach now, hitting the long-haired man’s slack face.

Everything was swirling. His left hand found his Innocence.

But then the Innocence was gone. It dissolved in his hand, floating up into the sky, almost as if it had been destroyed. But the Noahs didn’t destroy Innocence anymore. They were pure. Yuu’s Innocence shot from his hip, green and particle-like, just like Lavi’s own. He followed it with his eyes. All around the dome, the Innocence was coming together.

There was something white and something black. The Innocence was headed there.

\---

_7: 03 AM_

The swarm of Akuma was receding. Amanda had long since dried from her quick tour of the Thames, and although she couldn’t see out of her right eye, she continued to fight, making her way slowly toward the Eye. She had felt the shudder that had reverberated through the battlefield, and it could only mean one thing, the Level Six was ready. The fury still seethed through her. The Level Six had Artemis’s face. Since she couldn’t kill Strength, she would kill this monster for daring to take on her best friend’s visage.

Finally reaching the base, she saw a Noah with blonde hair fighting off Akuma. Many got past her—it simply wasn’t possible to keep them all at bay. Amanda didn’t care, though. The Level Six was going down. She launched her Innocence outward, trying to hit it straight on. It glanced off, and Amanda had to recall it to her. She tossed it again, but the result was the same. For being made of flesh, it was exceedingly difficult to penetrate.

Or perhaps that was the reason. It was _human_. It was part Akuma, yes, but unlike the dwindling members of Crow—long since banned from fighting on the field due to stability issues—it _began_ as an Akuma. Amanda didn’t much like the idea of climbing the Eye, but since Allen and Lenalee were otherwise occupied with getting to the Earl, she couldn’t ask for their help.

The blonde Noah landed beside her. “Are you going to stand there, or are you going to help?” She asked breathlessly, her voice somewhat disdainful.

“If you can get me up there, I think I know how to get rid of the Six,” the American girl said. Immediately, the blonde Noah picked her up. They flew up—how Amanda didn’t know, as her eyes were closed due to a well-justified fear of heights—and the blonde Noah held her as she leaned over to the Six.

She couldn’t tear it apart with her discus. It didn’t go through human flesh. She couldn’t bear to strangle it, and she wasn’t sure that would work. She couldn’t break its metal skeleton. But whatever she was going to do, it needed to be done fast.

Disgusted at her conclusion, Amanda plunged her hand through the thin layer of flesh. Tiny organs were growing to full size. Blood oozed out and covered her hand. It was human blood. It was Artemis’s blood. Anger coursed through her, and she ripped the Akuma’s heart out. There was no reason for it, and it didn’t do anything visible besides stop the flow of blood, but it felt good. It felt satisfying. Grasping her Innocence in her bloodied right hand, Amanda sliced through the metal of the Akuma’s skeleton.

It split apart, Artemis’s preserved eye falling from the socket, the flesh melting and dripping down in little strips and clumps. The blood rained onto the ground, soaking the stones. Then the skeletal framework exploded. Amanda recoiled back into the blonde Noah’s grip.

The Noah brought her back to the ground, where they continued to fight the Akuma. For the first time since Artemis’s death, Amanda felt sated. She felt like she could be okay again.

\---

_7:03 AM_

“Earl, NO!” That’s what Faith was shouting. But everything was split apart and hurt as if it had been separated, severed. He looked up at Lenalee’s swimming face. He didn’t like the worried, sorrowful expression. It reminded him of what he didn’t want. Lenalee wasn’t supposed to be devastated if he died. He wasn’t supposed to let that happen.

He thought back to the time he’d spent in her mind. He’d had a whole wall. He’d been happy at the time. That had been a mistake. Of course she would be devastated. He should have given love a chance after all. He should have listened to that crazy old bartender. He should have listened to everyone who had told him to get his act together.

He remembered the kisses they had shared. Yes, Lenalee was going to be shattered no matter how hard he tried to push against that reality.

“Earl, you CAN’T kill them! You’re killing me! You’re killing us! It’s not right. You have to stop. Just… forgive them already! It wasn’t their fault, they didn’t know any better, they—” Faith cut off, laughing. “We need to forgive them! _I_ forgive them! I forgive them! Sarah’s here, its okay! FORGIVE THEM, EARL! You don’t need to do this!”

But Allen didn’t have the capacity to care about what was going on in the battle around him. He just wanted to look up at Lenalee, to see her face before he disappeared from the Earth and ceased to move forward.

He wanted to make her smile before he died.

“Lenalee,” he began, but they were jostled as they stopped moving, and Allen let out a hiss of pain. His torso hurt—throbbed, really. _Of course it is,_ he thought bitterly. _I’m dying, after all._

“What is it, Allen?” Lenalee asked, her voice infused with something thick and emotional, something Allen couldn’t understand with all the blood loss.

“I wanted to tell you so long ago, but I couldn’t. I’m so sorry—I should have.” His voice was weak. He didn’t have long.

“Allen, what are you saying?” Her voice quavered.

“I love you,” he said simply, looking deeply into her eyes while he still had breath in his lungs. A tear leaked out from one of her beautiful purple eyes. She nodded, but the smile didn’t come to her face.

“I… Allen…” There was a frown there instead, and more tears followed the first. Why was she crying? She wasn’t supposed to cry. “Don’t die, Allen,” she pleaded. “I love you, too.”

“Will you—” _Smile_ , Allen wanted to say, but Lenalee grabbed his right hand and leaned down, pressing her lips to his. Tears mingled and fell between them. Allen felt something tingle and fall away. The weight of his left arm disappeared. He felt something travel across his chest and down his right arm. Lenalee gasped and pulled back. All around them, green particles—tiny little diamonds of Innocence—flowed toward them. The hole in Allen’s stomach prickled, and the pain melted away. It was as if the Innocence didn’t want him to be hurt. It was as if the Innocence didn’t want him to die.

For a fraction of a second, he understood why he was part of the Heart. The phrase _Innocent love_ came to him. But it was only for that minuscule fraction. It was weird. There was a bazooka and a machete, a machine gun and a whip, hands and gauntlets and wings and all sorts of body parts that made his head fuzzy and confused. All sorts of Innocence, destroyed or not, came to him. He felt teeth, though Krory had been dead for so long. There was a bracelet and acupuncture needles and little, razor-sharp wires. Graves and guns and crosses. Monkeys. A koala, too. A discus flew into him, followed by a bow and arrow and a very sharp cutlass. A hammer hit him, followed by the biting, sarcastic blade of a chokuto. A chainsaw, a spear, nunchucks, prayer beads, a flaming sword, and a guitar. A dangpa and a Tai Chi sword. The last to come was a clock. But it was only half there, as if it was still needed elsewhere.

Allen looked up at Lenalee’s half-hooded eyes. One small glance into them showed that she was feeling the same thing. All the Innocence was in them, uniting as it had once been. Innocence became a whole inside of them. It hardened in their connected hands, clasping them together in an eternal gesture of explicit _togetherness._

Allen was Lenalee. Lenalee was Allen. They were each other. And they were Noah. They were Innocence.

As one, they stood up and turned to the Earl, who was floating down with the aid of his umbrella golem. He looked different, meager almost. He looked washed out, as if he’d lost weight, as if he’d lost some sort of vitality. Faith had told her Vengeance to forgive. And when Faith forgave, it made sense that Vengeance wouldn’t have a purpose anymore.

It wouldn’t have mattered. The energy and strength ran through them both like a current, almost too strong for them to handle. They were stronger than the Earl. They always had been.

The Earl raised his blade, which shook as he tried to hold the weight. A golden-green sword extended from their connected hands, from the sleek, green diamond of Innocence that linked them together. Simultaneously, they raised their joined hands. The blade was light, almost buoyant. They danced forward, flying into the air to meet the Earl as if their legs were Lenalee’s boots.

Their swords clanged together in greeting. The Earl held on, barely blocking. It was a complete reversal of positions from their battle just a few minutes prior. They were strong, united. The Earl was weak, undone. He tried to hit them, and they parried his sword, tossing it into the air. It made a sharp, resonating sound as it hit the ground. Allen and Lenalee glanced at each other and smiled.

Allen loved Lenalee’s smile. The Innocence inside of them reverberated.

With a final blow, they cleaved him evenly in two. There was no explosion, not like after an Akuma was killed. The Earl simply _ceased._ He folded in on himself, becoming a tiny, golden crystal that shone brightly as it floated back up to meet Faith. Allen saw it sink into the heavenly girl’s chest, and she let out a little gasping sigh. Then she smiled.

“I’m not angry anymore,” she said softly. Allen nodded in understanding. Beside him, Lenalee did the same. “I’m not sad, either,” Faith added, her blue eyes shining with happiness.

The Innocence that connected their hands melted away and left their bodies. Faith smiled at the united diamond as it ascended to the very peak of the Innocence dome. The Time Bubble fell away, imploding into itself. A whooshing noise sounded as the Innocence shot out, streaking into the clouds and spreading across the sky. A mist refracted the oranges, golds, and reds of the morning sun as it made its daily climb to the zenith of the heavens.

A light rain began to fall. The first drizzling drop hit Allen, and his world spun as something overtook him.

It was Mana. But it was his Innocence. The Crowned Clown soared out as a cloak from Mana’s fatherly figure. He looked down at Allen, smiling peacefully.

“I am _so_ proud of you. Never stop moving forward, Allen, remember that,” he said, patting Allen’s white head. “I know you’ve been confused for a long time now. I loved you for the memories you carried, Allen, but I loved you even more for you. You were, in all ways but by blood, my son.”

A great feeling of warmth engulfed Allen, and he hugged the man who had become his father.

“The Crowned Clown wishes to do something for you. You don’t need that curse anymore. The Akuma will dissolve as the Innocence touches them. You won’t have an eye, though. I’m sorry for cutting you. Please forgive me.”

Allen nodded against his chest. He would forgive Mana for everything, even implanting him with the Fourteenth’s memories. He’d forgiven the man for that long ago.

“I’m sorry I cursed you, Allen.”

Allen nodded again, and the vision dissolved. His eye was bleeding, but he could get that treated. He didn’t need two eyes anyway.

\---

His brain felt heavy, but the vision came to him anyway. Vikram was there, holding Tuan’s machine gun.

“Hey, Chu-chan!” Vikram called, waving at him.

“Vikram?” He asked, not understanding.

“Yup. I’m dead, see, and the Innocence was like, ‘hey, wanna go visit Chu-chan and have him come with you?’ and I was like, ‘sure!’” Vikram explained.

As always, his pants were too fucking low. Tuan reached out and slapped him. He wasn’t sure how much was for the man’s idiocy and how much was ritual, but he slapped Vikram nonetheless.

“What about Emiko?” He demanded angrily.

“Sasaki’ll be fine. I’m visiting him next. But first, I came here to get you.”

Tuan shot him a questioning glance. “Am I dead?” He asked, confused.

“You’re going to be brain dead in a few minutes, Chu-chan,” Vikram said, frowning and looking almost pityingly at him. “Your Innocence didn’t want you stuck in your own head for the rest of your vegetable life. I can take your soul with me. It’s really nice up in the clouds. Food all the time. And your clothes never get dirty.”

Tuan snorted. He took hold of Vikram’s proffered hand and let himself be pulled up. “Wouldn’t want my clothes to ever be dirty,” he chuckled. His Innocence made a little clicking noise. It sounded almost like it was agreeing with him, laughing along with him. He smiled at it fondly. He’d miss having it at his side.

\---

Sasaki was empty but for the nunchucks that were in front of him. He was alone, but it was as if he was waiting for something. He was there for a while, just standing and looking around into the blackness.

And then Vikram was there and everything was right with the world. He walked over and embraced the man he loved, hot tears leaking even though he didn’t want them to. Vikram pushed him back a little and kissed him. It was a sad kiss, a good-bye kiss.

“I wish we coulda had more time, Sasa-chan,” Vikram said, shaking his head sadly. “Do me a favor, ‘kay?”

Sasaki nodded. He’d do anything. Vikram was dead, so this was obviously a last request.

“Tell my mom I’m sorry. Tell her I love her. Oh, and dress like a guy again. You’re really hot when you do.”

Sasaki’s mouth fell open. “Come again?” He asked, too shocked to think through what Vikram had just said. It didn’t compute. Four-oh-four error.

“You heard me. Now don’t go doing anything stupid like killing yourself. I’ll see you in, like, eighty years. I’m patient—I can wait that long. But you don’t have to wait. Find yourself a nice guy and settle down. Be happy. I love you.” Vikram smiled at him, kissed him once more, and trotted off, Sasaki’s nunchucks slung over his shoulder.

“’Bye,” Sasaki whispered. Vikram raised a hand, waving it in farewell as he disappeared into the blackness.

\---

Justin was pretty sure he was dreaming. After all, Siegfried had died in his arms the second the Innocence had left him. Also, the pain where his hand had been had disappeared.

He didn’t like not having a hand. Of course, he liked having his life, so it was really a moot point. He just wished that Siegfried hadn’t had to bite it off. Fucking Akuma bullets.

Also, Siegfried was talking. Last time Justin checked, koalas didn’t talk.

“…To cauterize your hand properly. I mean, it’s my fault you lost it in the first place, and I don’t trust those stupid doctors to do it right. They don’t know shit. Anyway, Justin, have a good life, ‘cause I ain’t gonna be there.”

Siegfried walked out haughtily and lazily, his steps deliberate and nearly cocky.

\---

Hok’ee couldn’t feel anything. He had hit his neck on something, had felt it break. Even in the vision before him, he couldn’t feel farther down than his head.

“Well, all the Innocence is giving something to its accommodator, but I’ve got nothing for you. So what do you want me to do?” His spear said, rocking back and forth.

“It’d be great if I wasn’t a quadriplegic,” Hok’ee muttered, not sure if he was being sarcastic or not.

“I love your sense of humor.” His spear wagged as if hedging around a topic. “But… um… yeah. You got some serious damage. I think I can get rid of some of it. You’ll probably be paralyzed from the waist down, though.”

Hok’ee considered it. Better than nothing. “As long as I can move _something_ ,” he said. His spear poked him, and feeling returned to his arms, chest, and stomach. It didn’t return to his legs, but he figured he could live with it. Wheelchairs weren’t that horrible. There were a lot of people worse off than him.

Besides, he’d get one of those ridiculous cars with the hand controls. He’d always wanted to drive one. Ash would enjoy it. The crazy man would probably steal it.

\---

Michel waved good-bye to his chainsaw.

“I’m glad you weren’t a fork,” he said. His words were heartfelt. The chainsaw made a roaring noise that sounded almost like laughter.

“I’m giving you a better sense of humor,” it said, its voice raspy but familiar.

“No! I like my sense of humor!” Michel felt his heart beat in fear.

“Then I’m giving you badass tattoo, man!”

Then it disappeared. Looking down at his bicep, he saw a tiny, green chainsaw. It was surrounded by black flames.

Michel smiled. It was kinda badass. “Groovy,” he said.

\---

Life was kinda unfair. It made Akuma shoot his calf. It made him have to shoot the entire limb off just to keep himself alive. And now his Innocence was going away. And all it was giving Elliot was a reversal of trauma, whatever the hell that meant. He wanted something cool. Or useful. Like meatloaf. Or a new leg.

\---

Lolle was there. Her crystalline blue eyes shone brightly with an unnamed emotion, and her blonde hair hung down her back, shining just as her eyes did. She was wearing a simple pair of khakis and a green shirt. She reached out a gauntleted arm to him. Lolek took her hand, and though his Innocence left his arm, it was good to see her again, touch her again.

“I’ve missed you,” he said, a pained tone to his voice.

“Me too,” she admitted. “But you’ve got a cute little woman now, so get over yourself.”

The Polish man nodded, unable to deny his sister’s request. He supposed he had a bit of a sister complex, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care.

“I’m giving you the ability to move on. No offense, Lolek, but you kind of need it.” She grimaced, but Lolek laughed.

“I know I do,” he agreed. Lolle laughed too, her voice like bells and chimes in the wind. But maybe Lolek was a little biased. He hadn’t heard it in so long, after all.

“Hey, go visit Mutti and Vati sometimes. And take Miranda with you. You guys are really cute together. And—oh, never mind, you’ll figure it out soon enough, I’m sure.”

She smiled at him and removed her hand from his, patting her twin lightly on the forearm before moving off. “We’ll see each other in a long while. We’ll talk then, okay?”

Lolek nodded. For the first time, he could look back on his memories of his sister with fondness.

\---

Miranda had always liked that grandfather clock. It was so much like her—neglected, loved by few, but still ticking on. It had been the first thing she’d felt a real affinity to. It had helped her to gain confidence in herself and in others. She had been able to fight strongly and be useful for the first time in her life.

The clock ticked forward. It felt like it was ticking on without her now. Perhaps, though, that was for the best. Innocence could only last so long.

It wasn’t tired of her, though, nor was she tired of it. They stood there in silent understanding.

“You want to give me confidence,” she said. The clock ticked on. “You already have. I’m sorry we couldn’t have longer together.”

The clock continued to tick, and Miranda hugged it. She felt a warm, ghostlike touch on her upper back, over her shoulders. It felt like her clock was hugging her back.

“Thank you,” she said, smiling peacefully.

\---

Tamas waved good-bye to his machete. He’d miss it. He’d have to buy another one. He figured that lessening his burns was a good enough parting gift. He was pretty sure his face had dissolved away completely from the acid, so perhaps it was good that his Innocence had sought to fix that. He liked his face, after all. Tamas smiled to himself, even though it was painful and he could only use one side of his mouth. What wasn’t to like?

\---

Cyrah held her whip, fingering each tail from handle to claw. She wanted to memorize it, each contour, each line. She didn’t know how she knew it, but her gut told her that once she let it go, she’d never see it again. It wasn’t like losing her baby. It wasn’t like losing Chu-chan. It was different, a different kind of sorrow, a different kind of parting. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but it was a different kind of hurt. It was dull and throbbing, she supposed, rather than sharp and aching.

Her adoptive son walked into the darkness that she took to be Innocence-induced. He walked up to her, taking the whip from her limp hands. Cyrah looked up at him from her seated position. Tuan pulled her up, embracing her tightly.

“Your Innocence talked to Faith for a bit. It didn’t have the power to give you what you most wanted, but Faith has it. Your Innocence let me come here to tell you,” Tuan said quietly.

“What is it, Tuan?” Cyrah asked, burying her head in his shoulder. It was amazing how tall he’d gotten, how strong his muscles seemed to be.

“Well, you know the whole concept of immaculate conception?” He hedged. Cyrah froze.

“What?” She asked, pulling back and looking into her son’s eyes.

“When Faith releases an emotion, she normally finds a couple who has… _copulated_ recently. She then implants her baby there, and it leeches off the mother’s genes. All the Noahs are related through Faith, who takes the ‘father’ genes, so to speak. So, you’re going to be a mother. Faith released her Hope. She said it was fitting, though I don’t know what she meant by that.” Tuan shrugged.

“Hope for a new start, maybe,” Cyrah found herself whispering. The answer came from deep inside her. She hoped her baby wasn’t taking over her mind.

“Hey—Cyrah?” Tuan asked, looking her straight in the eyes.

“What?” She asked, curious as to what Tuan wanted.

“My body’s still alive, but I’m dead. Vikram took me with him. Don’t let them keep me too long. It’s depressing. Just… I’m happy where I am, okay?”

Cyrah nodded mutely, a tear falling. “You’re really… gone?”

“Yes, but we’ll see each other again someday. Listen, my time’s almost up—the Innocence can only keep this up for so long—but I just want to say that you’re the best mom ever.”

He walked off before Cyrah could respond.

\---

Amanda was stunned by the sight before her. She had been standing all alone in the darkness, when suddenly Artemis was standing in front of her, smiling like she always would when she was listening to Amanda complain or cry or rage about whatever was on her mind. It was the same peaceful smile that she had worn when she had died.

“Hey, Mandy!” Artemis called, twirling Amanda’s discus on her right pointer finger.

“Artemis!” Amanda called back, running forward to embrace her best friend. The discus fell to the ground. They ignored it. They were too busy hugging.

“Mandy, I’m going to give you sight in your eye. You deserve to keep seeing,” she said. Amanda hugged her tighter, screwing up her face to keep the tears from coming. It hurt, though not as much as the burn that swept through her eye. It was like a migraine. Only in her eye. “Keep on living, Mandy. Things are going to get tough, but they’ll turn out for the best, you’ll see. Oh, and thanks for killing that abomination. It didn’t deserve my face. It didn’t do enough drugs.”

Amanda laughed. “I’m really pissed you left. They don’t have whatever painkiller you gave me for cramps.”

“It’s called Tylenol, babe. Extra strength,” Artemis said, smiling.

“Really?” Amanda didn’t believe her.

“I’m not lying—which is a first, but still… I never lied to you anyway, so don’t take it with a grain of salt!” Artemis hit her lightly on her uninjured shoulder, laughing along with Amanda.

“That’s what you always say,” Amanda responded, rolling her eyes. The other one was working now, though it was very blurry still, and it hurt like a motherfucker.

“If you ever need some painkillers, Tylenol’s the best. You want Cocaine or any of that shit, though, and I’ll kill you. And for God’s sake, don’t complain to Mr. Darcy about your cramps.”

“Oh, but it’s fun to see him cringe!”

Artemis shot her a playful but withering look. Amanda pretended to recoil, but she couldn’t really say how much she had missed that expression.

“I’ll miss you, Mandy. But I’ll see you eventually, so don’t overdose or anything.” Artemis’s peaceful expression was still in place, and they hugged once more before she walked off, disappearing into the darkness.

“I’ll miss you, too,” Amanda whispered to herself as the darkness faded and was replaced with the screams of the battlefield.

\---

Darcy stared out into the darkness. He was quite alone. He’d have to get used to that, though. He would always be alone after this. He and… well, it just wouldn’t work. _Too young_ was all he could think. _Too desperate_ ultimately followed that first thought. After that came _too fast._

They were happy, but they couldn’t be together. It wasn’t right.

“Don’t be stupid, Mr. Darcy,” his Innocence said, its voice muffled because it was still sheathed. Darcy pushed it away.

“Shut up. She was only with me because—”

“I’m just saying that I can only offer you advice.”

“Yeah, you’ve said it already: ‘don’t do it.’ Well, you can fuck off.” Darcy scowled down at his cutlass.

“That attitude’s gonna get you in trouble. Anyway, since you’re set on doing it, I’ll just say that you’re making the wrong choice, you’re gonna regret it, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I’ll miss you!”

It detached itself from the belt around Darcy’s waist and bounced, sheath and all, away from him forever.

Darcy would miss it, too. But he wasn’t making the wrong decision.

\---

There were four corners in the darkness, and Lavi recognized it immediately as a darkened form of his mind. From the Exorcist corner, his hammer sailed out, looking majestic.

“Tettsui!” Lavi shouted excitedly, using its real name for the first time. It scoffed at him in a way that reminded Lavi of Yuu. But then, lots of things reminded him of Yuu.

“Yo, Liam-Lavi-Hybrid,” it replied. It began to whistle a jaunty tune. When it was finished, it hopped over on its handle and bonked Lavi on the head. “You’re an idiot. So I’m gonna give you some balance. ‘Cause you’re insane. Yeah, you need balance.”

It hit him again. “You’re a strange one, Oodzuchi Kodzuchi,” Lavi said, smiling even though Yuu was hurt.

“Nothing compared to you, Liam-Lavi-Hybrid. And the name’s Tettsui,” it shot back. Lavi’s smile remained.

“Bye, then, Tettsui.”

“Farewell, Liam-Lavi-Hybrid.”

Lavi rolled his eye, and the world came back into focus as his darkened mind faded. Everything seemed just a little clearer, in an imperceptible way.

\---

Yuu didn’t want Mugen to go. He clung onto the hilt with near-desperation. It had been the one thing that had locked him in life for the longest time.

“You don’t need me—unhand me, bastard,” Mugen growled. If swords could scowl, that was what it would be doing.

“Yes, I do. Don’t… fuck… don’t leave me.” Yuu hated that he was begging, but he’d make an exception just to keep Mugen with him for a little longer.

“You have Lavi now, you don’t need me. And I feel fucking useless. You’re already healing, so I don’t need to do that. But… you know what, that Lotus Spell is annoying. It’s infuriating. I think I’ll break it.”

Something deep inside Yuu _snapped_ , and it felt like he was breathing fire and acid and ice all at the same time. He unintentionally let Mugen go.

“Sorry. I didn’t realize it would hurt. You’re going to need time to heal. So I’ll stick around until you’re back to your best. Then I’m gone—deal?”

Yuu glared at Mugen but nodded. The pain was already gone, though a deep, encompassing fatigue was taking its place. Mugen looked a bit smug and patted him—if such a thing was possible—with something that was mostly sympathy and a little bit of something else that Yuu was too tired to decipher.

“Lavi…” he sighed out as he fell down, down, down…

He didn’t see the world reappear.

\---

“LENALEEEEEEE!”

She would recognize that voice anywhere.

“ _Gege!_ ” She yelled, turning and seeing her brother running at her with arms outstretched. “Komui, I missed you!” She ran into his arms, and he picked her up, twirling her around as they embraced. Eventually, Komui lost his balance, and they fell to the ground. But they just lay there, hugging each other quietly.

“It’s so sad without you. Everyone’s mean to me—Reever especially. He says I whine all the time, but I don’t!”

Lenalee rolled her eyes. “You whine, _Gege,_ ” she said, sighing at the familiarity of it all. It felt so _good_ to talk to him. Komui looked up at one of the darkened walls and frowned.

“So… Allen, huh?” He asked, his eyes narrowing. Lenalee blushed but forced herself to answer.

“Yes. And if you even _think_ of making a Komurin or coming back from the dead to haunt him, I’ll be really mad, _Gege,_ because I really love him. I… love Allen. A lot.” It was embarrassing, confessing this to her older brother, but she was surprised when he hugged her tighter, nodding in acceptance.

“If he hurts you, I can’t promise I won’t haunt him, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt until then,” he agreed, sounding reluctant. Still, at least he was accepting.

“That won’t ever happen,” Lenalee said with complete surety.

“I know,” Komui replied, sounding somewhat depressed.

“It’s okay, though, _Gege._ I have a full half a wall for you. And you won’t be replaced by Lolek.”

Komui harrumphed and pulled back, crossing his arms in front of his chest, pouting. “I’d better not.”

Lenalee laughed. “So, there must be a reason you’re here,” she began. Komui looked away.

“You’re still very hurt from what… _Leverrier_ —” he spat the name like it was a curse, “—did to you. I’m here in place of your Dark Boots. They wanted me to come and help give you a little tilt in the right direction. I’m here to even everything out, to stabilize all the slightly off-balance portraits. I’m here to make your world right.” He smiled at her and sat up, dusting off the light, Chinese-style pants he was wearing. He offered her his hands, and she took them, allowing herself to be pulled up.

Komui hugged her again.

“ _Gege,_ ” Lenalee said. Komui made a little “I’m hearing you” noise. “You’re a good brother. Get over your complex, though.”

“Never,” he said, hugging her briefly before practically skipping off. Lenalee rolled her eyes but let reality return.

Allen was next to her as the blackness faded back into the world. They were both standing, facing the sunrise. It had moved farther into the sky than it had been when the world had lurched, when her Innocence had given her something priceless and needed, when she had seen Komui again. Allen’s right hand was still in Lenalee’s left as they stared out into the surreal light created by the pure drops of Innocent rain.


	36. Epilogue: Wake

Epilogue: Wake

__February 15, 2014, 7:16 AM—London, England

Innocent rain fell from the illuminated sky, drenching the world with its purity. Allen held Lenalee’s hand tighter, and together they turned to face the horrors of the battlefield. It was as if time had stopped when the sky had opened up and was now coming crashing back. First came sight and Allen felt his stomach recoil as he viewed the bodies littering the courtyard; the ground that was once gray was now a mixture of brown, red, and black, all combining as the rain washed away the taint. Then sound, screams and moans of fallen soldiers seemed to play almost paradoxically against the all-encompassing _silence_ of the city around them. Vaguely, Allen wondered where the sirens of the ambulances he had asked for were, but his concerns were overshadowed by the desperate call he received.

_Allen! We need to get to the hospital! Now!_ Amanda’s voice was screeching over the stud communicator in his ear. He looked around desperately for any sign of the American girl, but the rain had yet to clear the sky of the haze of smoke and sorrow.

“Faith, they need Sebastian.” Sarah’s voice said, and it drew Allen’s gaze to the two girls a few meters away. The holy girl in Sarah’s arms nodded and grasped Love’s hand. A fantastic, almost blinding, golden light shone brightly from their chests, and when the light receded, a figure stood in front of them. Allen had known the musician was Mana’s brother, but he hadn’t been expected such a familiar face to be smiling at him.

“I’m free!” Sebastian exclaimed, and picked up Faith in his arms. “Thank you so much, Faith!” Faith was laughing, and it made Allen’s heart swell to see it, but the smile disappeared immediately as he received another transmission from Amanda.

_Allen! Oh my God! Get over here now!_ Amanda was sobbing. _Its Lavi and Kanda! There’s so much_ blood! _Help me!_ The screaming was so loud that Sebastian turned and placed Faith onto the ground, walking over to Allen and Lenalee.

“Tell me what you need me to do,” Sebastian said, and Allen felt it strange to actually see the man speaking, but the urgency of the situation held no time for such thoughts, and he, Lenalee, and Sebastian ran through the smoldering piles of corpses on the ground.

_Allen._ It was Tyki’s voice. The white-haired boy would know it anywhere, even if he wasn’t Noah’s Heart. _I’m with Kanda and Lavi._

And suddenly, Allen knew where he was—exactly. He ran forward, Lenalee sprinting beside him on shaking legs. The sight before them was something Allen would never forget. Amanda was on her knees, one side of her face seeping blood as she held up an unconscious Lavi. His side was spurting out little fountains of dark red blood. Amanda had her hand over the wound, holding something that looked suspiciously like innards and trapping them inside Lavi’s body. On his lap, face covered with dirt and blood and dust, was Kanda. Allen couldn’t see much of the dark-haired man, but he wasn’t moving, save for the lightest up and down movement of his chest. Tyki was hunched over Kanda across from Lavi, and he was wrestling with something Allen couldn’t see. The Noah’s expression was worried and nearly frantic as he tried to do whatever he was doing. He pulled back when Allen put a hand on his shoulder.

“Lavi won’t let him go,” Tyki said, gesturing helplessly at a hand that was knotted in Kanda’s hair.

“I think I know what to do,” Lenalee said lightly. She circled around the group of bodies and pinched a nerve in Lavi’s neck. He fell limp against Amanda. A large gush of blood spurted onto Kanda’s face. Allen leaned down to take Lavi’s now lax hand from Kanda’s hair, only to discover that it was, for all intents and purposes, stuck. Reaching into his nearly destroyed pant pocket, Allen procured his pocket knife and flipped it open, one-handed. Tyki pulled Lavi’s hand away from Kanda’s skull, and Allen quickly sliced away the attached hair.

Standing up, the manly half of Noah’s Heart saw Sebastian opening a portal to one of the designated hospitals they had chosen before the battle and ushering in doctor after doctor. Many looked green and overwhelmed at the macabre sight before them, but horror turned to determination as they set to their tasks. Lavi and Kanda were lifted onto gurneys and rushed through the portal. Lenalee followed and Allen wanted to as well, but he was needed here to help identify the bodies.

Allen heard approaching footsteps and turned to see Cyrah, completely healthy, carrying a very, very still Chu-chan. Her face was set, and she staggered under Chu-chan’s weight, letting out a heavy sigh when the doctors hurried over to take him away. She walked over to Allen and stood stoically next to him, her shining eyes the only indication of her grief.

Darcy was the next to arrive and he, as well as three soldiers, carried what appeared to be a body, right side burned almost beyond recognition. As the group placed the burned man onto a gurney, Allen was able to get a look at who the victim was. Tamas stared up at him, completely coherent, and in obvious agony.

“Hey, Walker, stop lookin’ at me like I’m a leper or somethin’. Jus’ ‘cause I can’t move half my body doesn’t give you the right to stare. I’ll be fine. Ow, fuck! Don’t touch that, you son-of-a-bitch!” The gurney was jostled away and through Sebastian’s door before Allen could respond.

Emiko and Cyril walked up moments later. There was something strange in Emiko’s eyes as she nodded at him and walked into the now bustling hospital. Allen assumed the worst when he saw that Vikram was not following. Miranda, Lolek, Charlie, Lulu, Justin, Elliot, Michel—who was struggling to carry Hok’ee on his back—and another handful of soldiers arrived minutes later. Allen was keeping a tally in his head of just how many had died.

Looking up into the sky, Allen saw a pair of white wings circling high above, scanning for survivors. Sarah found ten soldiers that had been too badly injured to move, but that was all. There had been, at the minimum, one hundred civilians at the start of the battle, at least one thousand soldiers stationed around the parameter of the bubble. Only sixteen remained, and Allen now knew that there were five confirmed dead Exorcists. He didn’t want to think about the injured now in the hospital.

The rain was washing away the ash on the plaza, but as Allen turned to face the city around him, he noticed the way the smoke still hadn’t dissipated from the air and how it seemed to rise from the city itself. Dread pooled in the boy’s stomach; he needed to speak with the Coalition at once. Nodding toward the large group of his kin, who were crowded around Faith, Allen walked into Sebastian’s portal and into the blindingly sterile hospital.

\---

_February 15, 2014, 11:34 PM-- Hospital in London_

Lenalee hadn’t stopped crying, and all Allen could do was hold her close and tell her everything was going to be all right, even though he himself wasn’t even sure. The Coalition had informed them that while they had been attacking the Earl, the Noah of Vengeance had released Akuma across the world. Cities had been leveled by the overwhelming surge. There was no way to know just how many people had survived, but the first reports had begun to come in a few hours after the rain started. The numbers were not promising. There were countries that had simply blinked from existence. The estimates of the number of dead kept rising, from hundreds of thousands, to millions, to hundred millions, and finally billions. Allen felt hollow inside; had their efforts gone to such a waste?

A doctor emerged from the operating room, covered from neck to toe in blood. Allen had insisted the man tell him immediately when the operation was complete. Pulling down his surgical mask, the old man sighed. Lenalee stiffened against his chest.

“Well, he’s still alive.” The doctor’s voice was weary after his sixteen hour surgery. Allen held his breath, waiting for more news on Lavi’s condition. Kanda had been placed in the intensive care unit fourteen hours prior.

“We managed to clean out his chest as best we could, but his organs touched the ground, so it is possible—actually, it’s almost definite—that he will suffer from massive infections. We had to replace three of his ribs and remove a large section of his liver. All the muscle was ripped away from his stomach, so we had to take skin from his legs to cover the wound.”

Allen was horrified; he didn’t think he could ever look at Lavi the same way again.

“What about Yuu-kun?” Lenalee asked desperately. The doctor sighed. That was not an encouraging sigh.

“There’s no… obvious brain damage. He had signs of a hemorrhage, but that seems to have disappeared completely. We did numerous brain scans, but his heart rate and brain activity are both too low for that of simple sleep. It seems he’s lapsed into a coma.” Lenalee shrank against Allen’s chest, sobbing.

“When is he…?” Lenalee asked shakily, but the doctor just shook his head.

“He may never wake up,” the man finished sadly, and Lenalee sobbed harder.

\---

_February 20, 2014—Hospital in London_

The first thing he felt was the overwhelming pain pulsing out from his stomach and reaching the very limits of his body. His hands, too, ached and throbbed. He opened his eyes—though he could only see out of one—and tried to blink away the fuzziness of his vision. His mind felt heavy, as if all his blood had been replaced with water.

A blurry, dark-haired figure sat next to him, though Lavi couldn’t see the features clearly.

“Yuu?” He asked. His voice cracked a bit, but he tried to keep back the spasms and coughs that threatened to attack him.

“Oh, Lavi! You’re awake!”

Lavi’s heart sank. It wasn’t Yuu there. He only heard the rainbow quality of Lenalee’s voice. He wanted butter.

“Where’s… Yuu?” He asked, his voice thin and hoarse. He tried to clear his throat, but pain shot through his stomach. “ _Fuck!_ ”

And suddenly, he was coughing. With each tremor, he felt something thick and coppery fill his mouth. A wave of nausea washed over him. He couldn’t keep it back. Turning his head so as not to choke on it, Lavi vomited. He didn’t need clear vision to see that it mostly consisted of blood.

“Lavi!” Lenalee called in a worried voice. She stood up and walked over to the wall. Lavi couldn’t see what she pressed, but he assumed she was calling someone to take care of him. The industrial smell, mixed with the white, rough fabric of the bed he was on confirmed that he was in a hospital.

“Lenalee… what happened?” He asked. For some reason, his brain wasn’t working yet. Little patterns were swirling before his eye, superimposed on the real world. Thought was nearly impossible. “Have I been drugged?”

“No, of course not!” Lenalee sounded scandalized at the idea. “You just… well, thank God you’re awake. They weren’t sure if you’d fight the infection off enough to wake up.”

“…Infection?” Lavi asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

“Lavi, you… don’t remember?” Now Lenalee sounded hesitant, as if she wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“Everything’s really blurry. Lenalee, where’s Yuu?” Lavi asked weakly. He was finding it hard to think through his thoughts. _I’m definitely drugged,_ he concluded. Still, he needed to see Yuu, make sure he was alright. Lavi remembered going into the battle. Obviously, he’d gotten hurt. He needed to know if Yuu was injured, too.

There was an awkward silence. Lenalee wasn’t answering him.

“Lenalee, what happened to him?” Lavi asked, trying to get up despite the pain. His arms wouldn’t move. Trying to lift his arms again, he realized something was holding them back. The redhead gazed downward and saw them restrained to the rails of the bed. His heart began to beat painfully fast. Was this a precautionary measure?

“I can’t tell you, I’m sorry,” Lenalee said, looking away and seeming somewhat guilt-ridden. Lavi’s vision was beginning to clear, thankfully. His sense of dread didn’t disappear, though.

“Lenalee—tell me. Now,” Lavi ordered, trying to keep the terror from his voice. Something had to be terribly wrong with Yuu, or else they’d tell him. Unless…

The heart monitor, which had been going off steadily for the entirety of the conversation, skipped a beat and then picked up its pace. Lavi couldn’t breathe. Every gasp of air felt shallow, too little to be sufficient.

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” Lavi gasped out. It had to be true. It couldn’t not be. Lenalee wouldn’t hesitate to tell him unless something had happened to his lover. Pain erupted before his eyes, and his diaphragm hurt, but he needed to keep trying to breathe.

“No! No, Lavi, that’s not it!” Lenalee said, raising her hands up above her chest and waving them at him.

“But I can’t see him!”

Yuu should have— _would_ have—been here when he woke up. Even if he was injured, Yuu would have been right there at the side of the bed, where Lavi had first seen Lenalee. The world was getting far blurrier than he could ever remember it being.

“That’s because he’s unconscious right now,” Lenalee explained, grabbing his wrist above the restraints in a tight hold.

But that wasn’t possible, because Yuu would have insisted on being in the same room. If he was unconscious, drug-induced or not, he would have been in the empty bed next to Lavi’s. Instead, there was a pile of books and a sweater on top of pressed, stark white sheets.

Suddenly, reality seemed even fuzzier, and he pulled out of it before it became too confusing, too painful.

\---

As if every breath didn’t hurt enough, as if his stomach didn’t stab at his awareness each time he made a slight movement, the pain in his cheek woke him up. Opening his eyes, Lavi glared up at whoever the cause was. He wanted to bring a hand to his face, but the rattling noise and lack of movement reminded him that he was restrained.

“Lavi, stop scaring Lenalee,” Allen said, looking angry. The blurriness from Lavi’s previous waking was completely gone, and his head was clear. Obviously, some time had passed between the last thing he remembered and…

Yuu was dead, though, right?

Lavi tried to pull past the restraints, get up so he could grab Allen’s lapels and shake the boy until he got an answer. A strong hand came down on his chest, forcing him to still. Blinding pain engulfed him, but Lavi didn’t care. Allen knew what had happened—he didn’t look that battered.

“Hey, Lavi, stop moving, you’re going to take out your stitches,” Allen admonished, leaving his hand in place. Lavi squirmed against it, but the pain was starting to get to him, so he stopped, feeling resigned.

“No one will tell me what happened to Yuu,” Lavi mumbled, looking up imploringly at the white-haired boy. “All Lenalee would say is that he was unconscious. He’s dead, though, isn’t he?”

Allen shook his head, looking down at Lavi pityingly. The redhead found he didn’t much like the expression. “No,” the white-haired boy said, sounding as if he was talking to the very, very dull, “he’s unconscious.” Allen sighed, and Lavi nodded for him to continue. “He’s… in a coma.” He spoke the last words carefully, probably afraid Lavi would react badly. That was a given, though. A coma?

“He’ll wake up soon, right?”

Allen’s hesitation was all the response he needed. Lavi tried to let himself go. Yuu wasn’t waking up, so he didn’t need to either. Another slap to the same cheek pulled him from the stupor.

“You’re a fucktard, you know?” Allen asked him scathingly. Lavi gazed up at him, uncomprehending. “He’s still alive, so get the hell over it. Lavi, they don’t know why he’s in a coma. He shouldn’t be—there’s no brain damage.”

“Do they think he’ll ever wake up?” the redhead asked softly. Allen shook his head.

“But it _is_ BaKanda. He’s too much of a stubborn ass to give up. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but he’s going to wake up, simply because that’s who he is. Lavi, he’d never abandon you. So stay awake until he comes out of it, okay?”

Lavi wanted to nod, he really did, but the world seemed so lackluster without his lover in it.

Lenalee walked in, smiling hugely in a way that shouldn’t have been allowed. It was too cheerful. Damn people and their happiness.

“Hey, Lavi!” She said, aiming her smile at him. “Did you hear? Miranda’s pregnant! And so is Cyrah!”

Despite wanting to crawl under a rock to die, Lavi felt his mouth drop open in his shock. Miranda had actually _had sex?_ And… _Cyrah_? What kind of disgusting twist of fate was that? Lavi couldn’t quite find the words to explain his confusion.

“Mirand—oh, fuck.” Lavi turned his head as another wracking cough exploded from his throat with a shower of coppery-tasting blood. Another wave of nausea swept over him, and he spewed blood all over Allen’s clean, white shirt.

“Aw, that’s disgusting, Lavi! Don’t you have a chest tube to stop this?” Allen exclaimed, looking sickened. Lavi didn’t care, his chest _hurt_. His ribs twitched, and he felt something slide from between them. Abruptly, blood spurted out, also covering the white-haired boy’s shirt. He heard Lenalee scream, but then all sound was gone, and the world faded out.

\---

His legs were wet. That didn’t make sense, why would it be raining in a hospital? Lavi cracked an eye open and was both surprised and horrified to see Amanda. Her body shook with tremendous sobs as she unloaded tear after tear onto his legs.

“Amanda?” He questioned, once again trying to lift a hand so as to place it in her hair, but he was still restrained. Amanda’s tremors abruptly stopped, and she looked up, rubbing her eyes.

“Hey, Lavi! You’re awake again!” She exclaimed, her voice quivering and a large, plastic smile plastered on her lips. Tears still rolled down her cheeks.

“Why… are you crying on me?” Lavi asked, bewildered.

“I was praying to the… Hospital Fairy for your safe recovery! It requires… the sacrifice of virgin tears,” Lavi stared at her incredulously, “But I figured my tears would do,” she added upon seeing his expression.

“You’re a horrible liar when it counts. Who died?”

Amanda shook her head and turned away, obviously trying to hide more tears.

“At least yours will be with you once he’s recovered,” Amanda muttered, getting up to leave. The movement put her profiled face into full view. The entire right side of her face was covered in a light bandage, and she looked miserable. Her hand, Lavi noticed when she lifted it from atop his legs, was similarly dressed. She was wearing a sheer, light top, and Lavi could see further bandaging beneath it.

“Amanda, what happened?” Lavi asked, trying to lift his hand again and becoming infuriated with the restraints. Abruptly, the American girl’s face crumpled, and she collapsed onto his legs again. The movement jerked his body; Lavi yelped with the pain in his stomach.

“Mr. Darcy broke up with meeeee!” Amanda wailed into Lavi’s thigh.

“I’d give you a hug, but I’m kind of… stuck,” Lavi said blankly. He tried to twitch his fingers in sympathy, but pain shot through his hand, and he hissed. Amanda looked up as his legs stiffened against her face.

“Lavi, did the doctors look at these?” She asked, picking up one of his hands carefully, her tears quite forgotten. Lavi squirmed in pain, sending twinges of agony through his stomach, but he tried to stay as still as possible. Amanda continued to examine his hand, bending fingers and massaging the palm. Lavi could feel his bones moving out of place with each touch. He wasn’t really surprised; without the Innocence to keep them in alignment, he didn’t expect them to be that mobile. He still remembered the days Yuu had lightly massaged them, and he remembered how hard it had been to move them.

“I don’t know,” Lavi answered truthfully.

Amanda dropped his hand, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. She was sniffling slightly but the tears had stopped. She stood up and gave him a soft hug. It still hurt, though he didn’t show it.

“I’m heading home today, to America. I have to finish high school, and I’ve already been accepted into Princeton.” Lavi gave a low whistle and then hissed in pain as his stomach contracted.

“Do you want me to call the nurse before I leave?” Amanda sounded concerned, but Lavi just shook his head.

“No, pain medication addles my brain. It infuriates me when I can’t _observe_ ,” Lavi explained with a grimace. Amanda nodded.

“I’ll come visit in a couple weeks,” she said, walking out. A minute later, the nurse walked in, carrying a large syringe.

“Mr. Lavi, it’s time for your pain meds.” The nurse smiled sweetly. Lavi was not pleased.

“No,” Lavi moaned

“Yes, Mr. Lavi,”

“ _Nooo,_ ” Lavi insisted in a whine and tried to squirm out of his restraints.

“Why do you not want your meds?” The nurse said rolling her eyes.

“I want to be aware when Yuu wakes up; can I _please_ go see him?” the redhead pleaded, widening his eye in what he hoped was a pitiful way.

“You know you can’t, you have no immune system. I take you out of here, and you’ll get sicker than you already are,”

“I’m not sick!” Lavi insisted, coughing.

“Suuure.”

“Please.” His tone was desperate, all acting gone. The nurse was obviously shaken by his sudden change in character, but she remained stern, shaking her head sadly.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Lavi, but right now it’s an impossibility. If you take your meds, then maybe you can get there faster.” The nurse walked over to his IV and pressed the plunger down. Relief came almost immediately, as did the fuzziness that always accompanied it. Before he fell asleep, he vaguely remembered calling Yuu’s name.

\---

_March 5, 2014—Hospital in London_

They said he had food poisoning. Which wasn’t fair, as he’d barely eaten anything solid in the past week. Now he couldn’t eat anything at all. Not if he didn’t want it spewed all over the floor—or, if he was lucky, in a bucket.

He had never felt so weak in his entire life. He couldn’t even lift his head from the pillow. He was vaguely aware of someone in the room. They were talking to him, but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. They were moving his hands, and pain shot through him like lightning, from his hands and directly to his stomach, which took the liberty of emptying itself on the offender’s chest.

He knew he was mumbling. What, he didn’t know, but there were words coming out of his mouth. He fervently hoped they were in a language no one would understand.

He faded in and out of consciousness, and when he awoke again, the nurse was there, along with someone who was scribbling fervently on a clipboard. They noticed his sudden return to attention and froze.

“Who are you?” Lavi asked of the young-looking brunette with the clipboard.

The man smiled at his restrained form. They had tried to remove them once, but after he had ripped his stitches from tossing about in his sleep, they’d reluctantly returned them.

“I’m Doctor Smolder.”

Lavi suppressed a laugh, “You sound like a stripper.” The man made an irritated sound, but Lavi continued before his reply, “Why are you here?”

“The nurse said you were muttering some concerning things in your sleep. She asked me down here to give you a referral.” The man replied and Lavi’s blood ran cold.

“No. Not ever.” His voice held no room for argument. The man simply shook his head and left. Lavi turned to the nurse.

“Don’t meddle.” The woman took a step back. “I’ve seen things you could never imagine, seen things that would curdle your blood in an instant. Tell me, should an already broken person be splayed for the world to see? I know I’m fucked up, so don’t meddle.” Lavi looked at the nurse, who was simply staring at him; her face was pale and she was shaking her head.

“I’m sorry. I won’t ask anymore, but please, why is the sun so important? You keep calling for it in your dreams. You sound so lost when you say it, and I just need to know if it has anything to do with why you won’t sleep with the lights off.”

Lavi laughed lightly, trying not to upset his stomach. He was trying to hide the fact that he was skipping his pain medication. “If they did to you what they did to me, then you wouldn’t sleep with the lights off, either. Do me a favor, when Yuu wakes up, make sure the lights are on.”

The nurse nodded. “That doesn’t explain the sun,” she said softly.

“My sun keeps me warm, but I’m not with him right now, so it’s very cold.” Lavi’s voice was equally soft, and he gazed past the nurse, as if that action alone would let him see his lover. Lavi turned his head to look away from the nurse, ending their conversation. A moment later, he heard her footsteps leave.

\---

_March 6, 2014—Hospital in London_

_Beep…..Beep….Beep_. Beeps overlapped. Why was there another set? It didn’t make sense. He was alone. A familiar scent tantalized his nose. Now the world _really_ wasn’t making sense. Had someone slipped him some Morphine? Because cinnamon shouldn’t have been in the overly sterile air. He was afraid to open his eyes, because if he did and Yuu wasn’t there, he didn’t know what he’d do.

“Mr. Lavi, your heart monitor is going crazy, are you awake?”

It was the nurse from his room. If she was here, that meant he wasn’t with Yuu. Lavi squeezed his eyes shut as tight as possible, wishing he could bring his hands up to cover them as well. The smell of cinnamon still wafted up his nose, teasing him with its very imaginary presence.

“Mr. Lavi, open your eyes—it took a shitload of begging and pleading to get you in here, so take a look, okay?”

Lavi shook his head, squeezing his eyes even tighter. The nurse made a noise that Lavi couldn’t quite classify as a sigh, though it wasn’t quite a scoff. He imagined that she was rolling her eyes.

“Why not?” She asked testily. Lavi shook his head again. “You’re acting like a child, just tell me.”

“Because he’s not there. This is obviously an illusion.”

This time, the nurse did sigh. “Lavi, open your eyes. Don’t make me do it for you.” Lavi cracked an eye open. “Good, now turn to face me.”

Gazing that way would make him face the bed that was empty. Preparing himself to break, Lavi turned his head. He blinked in confusion. There was someone in the bed across from his. He was covered in thin blankets and had short, black hair.

“Yuu?” It looked like him, and the room, while the same, had a different view from the window.

There was an almost unnoticeable _che_ in the air, released from the dark-haired man’s slowly moving chest. The little digital number on the heart monitor spiked. Next to him, the nurse froze and turned to look at the screen.

“That shouldn’t happen,” she said faintly. “Can I… no, that’s ridiculous. Just a coincidence.”

“Can I go closer?” Lavi asked, heaving himself up despite the shaking in his limbs and the large pain that shot through his stomach. He played it off as a twinge. The nurse gave him a contemplative look and then nodded.

“Lie back,” she ordered, and Lavi fiddled with the bed’s controls until the head was at an angle. Lying back on it, he gestured vaguely with a pain-ridden hand to continue. Carefully, the nurse pushed their beds together. Immediately, Lavi reached out with his left hand to grab Yuu’s stationary right one.

The heart monitor spiked once again. The nurse gasped.

“Impossible,” she muttered. A second later, she was using the phone in the room to call in Yuu’s doctor. A middle-aged woman walked in with Allen and Lenalee following her. Lavi pulled his hand back; he wasn’t supposed to be over there in the first place, and the nurse wouldn’t let it happen again if the doctor refused.

“What’s going on?” Allen asked, looking confused as he scratched his nose. Abruptly, Yuu’s pulse flatlined.

Lavi didn’t feel anything but the dread that overtook him like a blow from Oodzuchi. All he felt was the sinking, drowning feeling, like he was being submerged in an icy lake. Everything was frigid and dark, as if there would never be sun again.

“Yuu,” Lavi whispered. If there was no sun, there was nothing. If there was no sun, there was no warmth, and Lavi very desperately needed warmth.

The doctor had a crash cart going, but she stopped as Yuu’s heart rate settled at a slow beep again. Lavi breathed in a deep, warming sigh of relief.

“That was what you were talking about, then?” The doctor asked the nurse, who nodded.

“Look how he responds to Mr. Lavi’s touch.” She gestured for Lavi to grab Yuu’s hand again. Heart beating too fast from the adrenaline rush, he reached out and placed his aching hand on Yuu’s still one. The heart monitor picked up once more. The doctor made a _hmmm_ ing noise but remained stoic and still.

“Mr. Lavi, I’d like to test something. You and Mr. Kanda are… an item, am I correct?” The doctor asked, looking away as she spoke the words. Her face was a mask of confusion mixed with acute contemplation, and her eyes were vacant as if she was thinking very hard.

Lavi nodded, the movement eliciting a small twinge from his still throbbing stomach.

“Does he… _dislike_ Mr. Walker?”

Lavi snorted. “He pretends to,” he explained, “but really, they’re best friends. They don’t realize it, though.”

“I am _not_ best friends with BaKanda!” Allen exclaimed, sounding offended. Yuu’s heart rate dropped again, but he didn’t crash. Lavi breathed a second sigh of relief. Yuu’s mouth twitched, but then it went slack. Lavi wanted to squeeze his lover’s hand, but his own wouldn’t move at all.

His stomach wrenched in a way that had become disturbingly familiar. It was painful and nauseating all at once. Still, it was better than that time three weeks ago when he’d had rotavirus, back when he’d still been in the low immune system ward. One sickness. Two exits. For eight days. That hadn’t been pleasant. It had been even less pleasant when it had been coupled with severe dehydration.

He felt the vomit rise in his throat and put a destroyed hand to his mouth, making a pre-retching noise. All attention was immediately returned back to him as he spewed on Allen’s shoes.

“Aw, come on, Lavi!” Allen exclaimed, sounding outraged. “That’s the fifth time you’ve done that!”

Lavi chuckled weakly, ignoring the awful taste in his mouth and the flash of pain that bubbled through his stomach at the movement. “But it’s so fun,” he cackled, his voice thin. Allen made to punch him, but the doctors held the boy back. “Which reminds me, why do you only have one arm, and where’s Oodzuchi?”

Allen hesitated and looked away. “The Innocence is in the earth now,” he responded, shrugging.

“Oh,” Lavi replied. His eye rolled back into his head, and the last thing he muttered before he was out was, “do you mind if I pass out now?”

\---

_March 14, 2014—Hospital in London_

It took Lavi exactly twenty-six coherent seconds interpreting Doctor Speech to realize that he would never regain full use of his hands. He’d been too sick during his first month in the hospital to do any type of therapy, and now that his infection had died down somewhat and his immune system had gotten a bit of a boost, the doctors seemed to want to torture him for hours. They gave him an orange stress ball, one of the squishier varieties, and they’d been trying to have him make fists for the past three hours.

The only problem was that he could barely move the damned things at all, let alone make fists. Looking at the x-rays in the corner, he wasn’t surprised. Knuckles weren’t supposed to go there, and fingers simply didn’t angle that way. One of the three doctors grabbed his hands, shooting pain up his wrists.

“Hmmm…” The doctor said, furrowing his eyebrows until they were closely knitted together. “Your bones are extremely out of alignment—” _No shit,_ Lavi thought furiously, “—and half of them are connected only by muscle. Half of your carpal bones are rubbing up against each other in extremely destructive ways. I suppose, with surgery…” The doctor trailed off.

“Er…” Lavi started, but the doctor continued on.

“But the _extent_ of the damage… could you repeat exactly what happened to them?”

Lavi sighed. “I pretended they were hammers. The stone floor needed to be properly shaped. I spent hours doing it.”

“This is self-inflicted?” The doctor’s furrowed eyebrows raised in interest.

Lavi looked over at his lover. “Yuu…” he whimpered. It was in moments like these, when the doctors got close to forcing the pent-up emotions from him, that he missed Yuu telling them to go shut the fuck up and leave. Maybe, Lavi thought nostalgically, he would threaten them with Mugen, too, even though his Innocence was now gone.

“I’m going to have someone come in to talk to you,” the doctor said. Turning to the other two white-coated bastards, he gestured for one to pick up the room’s phone. “Get Maynard down here. I think he was on the case before,” he told them.

Letting the orange ball fall from his slack hands, Lavi felt dread returning to his system. Despite being so drugged up he couldn’t concentrate, he had made a point to learn every worker’s name, face, and age. Doctor Maynard Smolder, the psychiatrist who had visited him just a week prior. He didn’t want to see the man again. That meant the hospital was prying, and he wasn’t sure how well he would hold up without Yuu’s support. He gazed once more at the still figure in the other bed.

By the time the young brunette entered the room, Lavi had been joined by Amanda.

“Oh, it’s Smexy Smolder!” She sang out, smiling another of her plastic expressions. Her eyes showed just how torn apart she still was, even without the aid of the dark bags beneath them. Lavi wanted to laugh at that, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. Each step the doctor took brought him closer to Lavi, and the redhead felt a familiar coldness sweep through him as the man reached his bedside.

“I won’t grace that comment with an answer,” the young doctor said eloquently, his face flushed with an emotion Lavi was too panicked to recognize. Turning to the redhead, he asked, “so, how are you feeling today, Lavi?”

Lavi remained silent, fixing his solitary eye on the form of his lover for lack of anywhere better to look. He tried not to blink, but necessity brought the action about.

“Lavi? Can you hear me?” The doctor asked. The redhead felt someone hit his shoulder with a tiny hand, but he ignored it. It was very easy to do. He felt Liam in his head for a fleeting second as he brought objectivity into his world. Nothing, no one mattered. Except Yuu, because Yuu was always the exception.

“Lavi? _Lavi?_ ” A hand snapped in front of his eye, but Lavi kept himself from blinking with skills from his Bookman training. He could imagine Yuu scoffing at the doctor’s attempts, maybe even laughing now. He could imagine the dark-haired man just being there, holding him.

“…Hair too short,” Lavi mumbled without meaning to. The doctor raised an eyebrow, but Lavi had already locked his mouth shut, and he refused to speak again until the doctor had left. When he surveyed the room, he noticed that Amanda was gone, too. “Happy birthday,” he added to the silence that was peppered only with the beeping of Yuu’s heart monitor.

\---

_April 28, 2014—Hospital in London_

Allen felt unbelievably sad today, like he was feeling someone else’s sadness, not to mention the fact that his thoughts kept going back to “Yuu-kun.” So it didn’t come as a surprise when he found Lenalee sitting at Kanda’s bedside.

“Where’s Lavi?” He asked, dragging a second chair next to Lenalee’s. The Chinese girl looked up with a gloomy expression and then returned her gaze to Kanda’s depressingly still form.

“He’s at physical therapy. They’re working on his stomach and chest muscles today,” she answered quietly, her voice nearly monotone. Allen sat down and put his hand on her shoulder, hoping he was being comforting. She leaned into his touch, a tiny smile hinted at the corners of her mouth.

“I heard he’s got another infection,” Allen said, more as a way to get his mind off of _Yuu-kun_. Lenalee nodded but didn’t make any other gesture. Her right hand went out and covered Kanda’s unmoving one. “He’s going to wake up,” Allen told her quietly.

“How do you know?” Lenalee asked, her voice sounding like that of a child seeking assurance.

“Because he wouldn’t give me the satisfaction of living longer than him,” Allen replied simply, smiling down at the girl he loved. Lenalee gave a small, watery chuckle, though no tears fell from her eyes. Those had long since been spent, and now she looked on in silent depression. Allen moved his arm so that it was around her small shoulders. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“You’re hungry, Allen, go eat,” she told him quietly, almost as if she didn’t want to disturb Yuu-kun’s—no, _Kanda’s_ —sleep.

“No, I’m not,” Allen disagreed, looking down at his stomach. He had lost weight lately, but he just hadn’t felt hungry at all. It was the most bizarre thing. Ever since the Innocence had left his body, he had had trouble forcing the food down his gullet.

“Yes, you are. Allen, you haven’t had anything to eat in three days,” Lenalee pointed out, tilting her head upward so that she could stare admonishingly at him.

Sighing, Allen disentangled himself from her. “I just don’t feel hungry,” he muttered.

“Yes, you do, you just don’t realize it because you’re so used to being a parasitic type. At least eat something somewhat solid, okay?”

Allen nodded and left the room, returning ten minutes later with a bowl of tomato soup and saltine crackers. He ate slowly, forcing the food down at a slow pace, but under Lenalee’s vulture-like eye, he finished it all. Some of the tiny, dull twinges in his stomach disappeared as he digested. Sighing, he leaned over and put his head on Lenalee’s shoulder. She made a high, inquisitive noise and shifted so that they were both more comfortable.

“I meant what I said,” Allen mumbled, closing his eye—the other was little more than a hole in his head, the eyelid still tender from the reconstructive surgery.

“About not being hungry?” Lenalee asked, sounding both tired and indignant at once.

“No, I meant what I said on the battlefield,” Allen clarified, opening his eye to look into Lenalee’s. Her face softened as she understood what he was referring to.

“Me, too,” she said, smiling tenderly. Leaning her head down, she kissed Allen’s white hair with the same gentle, caring quality of her expression.

They remained silent for a while, listening to the other’s breath and to the slow rate steadily beeping away on the heart monitor.

“Hey, Allen?” Lenalee asked quietly. Allen made a little grunt and opened his eye, which had fallen closed at some point. “What are we going to do after Yuu-kun wakes up?”

Allen thought about it for a moment. “Well, I _do_ own a casino,” he began. Lenalee’s posture stiffened for a second and then relaxed. She pulled back enough to look Allen straight in the face. Her expression was dumbfounded.

“You own _what_?” She asked, sounding shocked and confused.

“A casino,” Allen said matter-of-factly. “I didn’t tell you?”

Lenalee shook her head, looking scandalized. “And you’re going to run it?” She asked incredulously. Upon Allen’s answering nod, she added, “Do you even know how?”

“Well, that’s what schooling’s for, right?” He asked. Lenalee sighed exasperatedly.

“Allen, no offense, but you’re stupid,” she said.

Allen opened his mouth in shock. Lenalee— _his_ Lenalee—was calling him _stupid?_ The world suddenly didn’t make any sense. Maybe there were still Akuma about? “No, I’m not!” He exclaimed, pulling away from her.

“Yes, you are. But it’s okay, because I love you, and I’m sure you can do anything you put your mind to,” she said, smiling at him in a too-cheerful manner.

“Well, what are you going to do?” Allen asked, changing the subject. Lenalee’s expression dropped, and she looked contemplative for a while.

“I don’t know,” she finally said, looking somewhat crestfallen. Allen wrapped his only arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his chest. She nuzzled into a more comfortable position, one where her nose wasn’t crushed and her breaths didn’t come out in little squeaks. Allen wasn’t quite sure why, but having Lenalee right there in his arm, smiling contentedly as she closed her eyes against him, was quite possibly the best sensation he’d ever felt. It made his heart race. He was positive she could hear his pulse, but it seemed she was ignoring it.

“Allen, what are _we_ gonna do?” She asked after a long, comfortable silence. He looked down at her, and their eyes met. Gray and purple. Together, they made gray-purple.

“Er… well…” Allen shifted his eyes around the room, canceling the color they’d made. He knew what he wanted to say, but it sounded corny and horribly stereotypical. Lenalee didn’t deserve stereotypes. She didn’t deserve normal. “You like kids, right?” He finally asked, returning his gaze to her face.

Lenalee’s eyes went wide, and her mouth made a little “oh” shape. “That’s very forward of you, Allen,” she said breathlessly. Allen felt his face grow hot with a beet red blush.

“I meant that you could work with kids or something,” he mumbled, embarrassed.

“Oh. Yeah, that could be fun. Maybe I’ll teach kindergarten or something,” Lenalee said, though Allen thought he heard a note of disappointment in her tone.

“Do you want kids, though?” Allen asked, blushing harder and looking anywhere but the Chinese girl in his arm. Lenalee’s face grew nearly crimson as she nodded, a small, embarrassed smile sitting on her lips. Allen abruptly wanted to say _it_ again, the thing he most desperately wanted to ask her but was too afraid to let loose into the air.

“I mean, I’d have to be married first,” Lenalee amended.

“Do you want to get married, then?” Allen blurted in a rush. His blush deepened even further, if such a thing was possible, as he realized what he had just said. To Lenalee. Even though he had wanted to say it. But she wouldn’t want to, and he wasn’t quite sure they were old enough for kids anyway, and he was a bit confused because she had tears swimming in her eyes now, and he was scared— _terrified_ —she would say no.

“Allen,” she replied slowly, “I don’t want kids _now._ Maybe in a couple years, but not _now_.”

He let out a small sigh but then realized she hadn’t answered. It cut a little bit, as it was probably her way of refusing him—

“But I would like to get married,” she added.

Allen’s face broke out into a huge smile. “Really?” He asked, blown away.

Lenalee smiled, too. “Yes,” she said.

“I’ll get you a ring,” Allen promised, and Lenalee nodded.

“Once the economy is back up,” she said. They smiled broadly at each other, and Allen leaned down, pausing right before their lips touched. And then the world of the hospital and the beeping and the depression was gone, and all that mattered was Lenalee’s smile against his lips.

\---

_May 27, 2014—Hospital in London_

Life, Lavi concluded, was miserable. It was filled with pain and infection. It was filled with loneliness. He’d long since given up hope that Yuu would wake. His lover’s brain activity had gotten slightly stronger over the past couple months, but it wasn’t anything significant. There had been a period at the beginning of May when Lavi had fought off his infection completely. He’d been on a steep road to recovery, and suddenly he was chugging along like one of those bullet trains they’d taken to France almost a year ago. But now the train had derailed and fallen down the hill.

He could move his hands somewhat, making a sort of half fist with them, though they wouldn’t move any further. The doctors were encouraging, but Lavi knew he wouldn’t get much more use out of them. The skin graft had healed within the first few weeks, and even his stitches were starting to fade. His liver was steadily regenerating the third he’d lost. Breathing had become easier as his lung and diaphragm healed. The only remaining problem was the infection that had decided to worm its way back into his system.

Which was why he was currently bracing himself over the toilet, emptying the contents of his too small, barely healed stomach. The nurse walked in and placed a new tube of enamel-building toothpaste on the counter next to him. Lavi coughed out his thanks before letting out another round of vomit, followed by whatever stomach acid was left. It burned on the way up, hot and sour.

Getting up on shaky legs, Lavi walked back out into the room, letting the slow, reassuring beeping of Yuu’s heart monitor relax him in a way that Allen and Lenalee’s current presence couldn’t. Still, when Lenalee got up, looking concerned, and walked toward him, he let himself collapse into her. Yuu still hadn’t woken up, and he needed a hug, dammit.

“It’s okay, Lavi,” Lenalee whispered into his chest. But it wasn’t okay; Yuu wasn’t awake. “Everything will be just fine.” But it wouldn’t; Yuu wasn’t awake, and he was showing no signs of doing so in the near future.

Lavi went a bit limp in her embrace and let her lead him to a chair on Yuu’s right. He knew it had been placed there so he could see his lover’s face better. Lenalee had placed it there three weeks ago when Lavi had first started sleeping on Yuu’s bed (much to the nurse’s consternation). He smelled the clean, floral scent of her shampoo, wishing it was lotuses but knowing it wasn’t. Sighing, he pulled Lenalee into his lap so he could have something solid and _there_ to grab on to.

She placed her hands in his shaking, nearly unmoving ones, and Lavi realized something was different. There was a warm, metal object where there shouldn’t have been one. Counting her fingers, he understood the significance at once.

“You’re engaged to Allen?” He asked quietly, wondering when it had happened. Had he been that out of it? He saw the back of Lenalee’s neck blush mightily. When he looked over at Allen, he saw a mirrored red on his features. Slowly, Lenalee nodded.

“He just got me the ring today, but he asked me to marry him a month ago,” she confessed. Lavi blinked, confused.

“ _Allen_ asked you?” He asked, uncomprehending.

“Yeah, of course,” Lenalee said, as if Allen dropping down on his knee to propose marriage to the love of his life was something he was capable of doing.

“He had the balls?” Lavi reiterated. Allen’s face grew offended, and he made a huffing noise. Yuu’s heart monitor blipped higher for a moment. Lenalee scowled.

“Of course he did!” She huffed, but she smiled a moment later, as if conceding to the amusement.

The door opened, and as Lavi looked over, a very startled-looking Sarah walked in. She ghosted over to Lavi’s chair, lifting Lenalee from his lap as if she weighed nothing. Sarah gave him a confused look.

“How can you not be touching him?” She asked incredulously, scooting his chair forward and moving his throbbing hand so it was on Yuu’s. On the heart monitor, the beat spiked as it always did. “No, still not good enough—too strong, too strong—need… ah!” She raised a finger as her expression cleared with epiphany.

Sarah’s face scrunched up in acute concentration as if she was focusing all her energy on one thing. A moment later, a small ornate door appeared in the middle of the room and a smiling Road walked out.

“What is it, Sarah?” Road asked, obviously concerned, “You sounded upset.”

“Road!” Sarah exclaimed, running up to her sister and hugging her tightly. She began to whisper something that Lavi couldn’t hear into Road’s ear. Road’s eyes widened, and a larger smile appeared on the black-haired girl’s features.

“Wow, that’s a great idea, Sarah! I wonder why I didn’t think of that!” Road exclaimed, extracting herself from Sarah’s embrace. The young Noah skipped over to Lavi and smiled sweetly at him.

“Lavi?” she asked. The redhead looked her in the eye, noticing a strange, excited gleam. “Wanna know what Kanda’s dreaming?”

Lavi didn’t understand. But when Road lifted her hand onto Yuu’s forehead, placing her other hand on Lavi’s own, the comprehension dawned as he was thrown into a world completely unlike reality. All around him were trees. They reminded Lavi of the forest outside of the old Order Headquarters. Actually, they were a carbon copy, he realized as he looked closer. Following the worn path that Yuu had engraved into the forest floor, Lavi quickly stumbled upon his lover’s clearing. To his surprise, Yuu was sitting cross-legged against one of the nearby maple trees, his eyes closed and hands lightly resting atop Mugen, which was in his lap.

“Yuu?” Lavi asked, taking uncertain steps forward. Yuu opened an eye, looking shocked at being interrupted. Sitting down next to him, Lavi couldn’t help but put an arm around his lover’s shoulder, letting his head rest on it. Yuu leaned into the embrace, a peaceful smile on his face.

“What are you doing here?” the Japanese man asked quietly, his tone inoffensive.

“Road let me in,” Lavi replied nonchalantly. There was a small silence, and then Lavi added, “I miss you.”

Yuu nodded. “I miss you, too,” he mumbled, a small hint of his usual gruffness in his voice. Lavi’s heart swelled. He’d missed that smooth, molten butter sound.

“ _Ne,_ Yuu, when are you waking up?” Lavi asked softly. Yuu leaned back, and Lavi let his arm drop back to his side as the Japanese man gestured to his chokuto.

“As soon as Mugen’s gone,” he replied. “How long have I been unconscious?”

“Three months, one week, six days, fourteen hours, twenty-seven minutes, and thirty-nine seconds,” Lavi replied, his tone coming out with a hint of depression, though he hadn’t meant for it to. Yuu shifted uncomfortably next to him. “Do you know how long it’ll take for Mugen to disappear?” He added after a moment.

“No,” Yuu replied quietly as Lavi leaned his head back on the other man’s shoulder. The Japanese man rested his head atop Lavi’s, reaching over to place his hand in the redhead’s.

No pain shot up his arm at the sudden pressure, and Lavi frowned contemplatively. Slowly, carefully, he let his fingers curl over the back of Yuu’s hand. His hand moved smoothly, without cracking. Each joint bent easily, as if it was in alignment. He made a curious noise. Yuu shifted, pulling back to give him a questioning look before returning to their previous position.

“They work here,” Lavi commented, raising their connected hands to imply the subject.

“They don’t work outside?” Yuu asked quietly. Lavi shook his head.

“I can move them maybe about this much,” he muttered, lifting his other hand and closing it halfway. The other man made a small, almost disgruntled noise and switched their hands so that their fingers were twining. Lavi squeezed his hand, smiling.

“While we can,” he said.

“While we can,” Yuu agreed.

Once again, silence fell between the two, but Lavi didn’t mind it. He didn’t mind anything at all as long as he could be there with his lover. He did notice how quiet it was, though.

“Is it always so quiet?” He asked finally, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Sometimes I hear talking,” Yuu said. Lavi raised an eyebrow, though he knew his lover couldn’t see or feel the motion.

“What was the last thing you heard?” He asked.

“Something ridiculous about _Moyashi_ and Lenalee getting married,” Yuu mumbled.

“Yeah, they just told me that,” Lavi said, smile turning broad.

“When did Lenalee ask him?” Yuu asked.

“Actually, surprisingly, it was Allen who did it,” Lavi replied. Yuu tensed in shock and turned so that they could look into each other’s eyes. He looked skeptical. “Yeah, I was shocked, too,” Lavi continued. “Apparently, Allen actually has the balls to ask for what he wants.”

Yuu chuckled and leaned back on the tree, squeezing Lavi’s hand. The redhead rested his head back on the Japanese man’s shoulder, and they resumed the same pose for the third time.

“Everyone misses you, it’s not just me,” Lavi commented. “I mean, obviously Lenalee, but Allen does, too, not that he’d mention it. Amanda does, but she’s not really in the right… frame of mind since she and Darcy broke up—yeah, they broke up; I’m as confused as you are. Oh, did you know? Lolek and Miranda are getting married. She’s pregnant. Apparently, she was two weeks gone in the final battle.”

Yuu snorted. “They would have that luck,” he said, smiling. Abruptly, Lavi leaned forward and kissed him. “What was that for, rabbit?”

“I love you, that’s all,” Lavi admitted. His stomach clenched up, and he grimaced. “And my body’ll be throwin’ up soon.”

“Why?”

“Well, I’m still sick, Yuu-chan.”

“You just said it’s been three months since—”

“My stomach’s infected again. I stopped throwin’ up blood after my lung finished healin’, but apparently, infection, food poisoning, rotavirus, influenza, and colds love me.”

Yuu pulled back again, eyes widening. “Are you…?” He began, looking flustered, as if he didn’t really want to admit he cared but decided to just go with it.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Just concentrate on waking up. Why are you asleep, anyway? The docs keep sayin’ there’s nothin’ wrong with you, so I’m kinda confused.”

“I’m… restarting,” Yuu said, as if that explained everything. Which it didn’t.

“Eh?”

“My body is used to having the Lotus Spell, but Mugen broke it for me. It needs to… restart… adapt to the spell being… gone.”

Lavi looked down at his chest, where a small, black marking still marred the flesh of his left breast. Thankfully, he was wearing an Exorcist jacket here (though he was currently clothed in a pair of sweatpants and a loose-fitting shirt, not that he cared). Yuu shot him a curious look, but Lavi just smiled up at him.

“Well, just concentrate on restarting, then, and I’ll be there when you wake up. Anything I can do to help with the silence?”

“You could… read,” Yuu suggested, looking away. Lavi squeezed their intertwined hands.

“Whatcha want me to read?” He asked.

“ _Che_. Whatever you have, I don’t care.”

Lavi nodded. Yuu tensed again.

“Who is that?” He asked, pointing with his right hand to the other side of the clearing. A girl with blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes that shown as if they were lit up by the sun was walking toward them. It was light inside the clearing, but there was nothing bright enough to create such an effect. But she was Sarah, after all, and Love always had shining eyes.

“Oh, that’s Sarah. She’s Noah’s Love.”

“Ah,” Yuu grunted. The girl stopped in front of them, leaning down and touching Mugen. Her face abruptly broke out into a stormy, almost sad expression.

“No, no, no, not good. Three years is too long!” She exclaimed. Leaning forward and still touching Yuu’s blade, she kissed the dark-haired man on the forehead. Smiling, she ran off until she was gone.

Yuu stared after the girl, still tensed from the sudden contact. “What the fuck?” He asked, and Lavi shook his head, not knowing the answer. He looked down at Yuu’s lap. Mugen was nearly transparent. The Japanese man stared at it as if he had never seen his trusty blade before. He closed his eyes for a moment, and when they re-opened, he looked directly into Lavi’s eye.

“I’ll wake up in a week,” he said simply. Lavi’s mouth opened as he gaped at his lover.

“Come again?” He asked, mouth dry.

“I’ll try to wake up sooner, but a week at the latest,” Yuu repeated.

Lavi doubled over as his body’s stomach rebelled. “I’ve gotta go,” he choked out. Yuu released his hand. “Love ya.”

He thought he heard a similar response, but he was back in the real world, retching all over Allen’s shoes—what was this, the seventh time?—the stench of the disinfectant tickling his nose. Lenalee helped him to his feet and sat him back into the chair he had somehow vacated.

“What happened, Lavi?” Lenalee asked with a concerned note to her voice.

“Yuu will wake up in a week,” Lavi said weakly as he wiped his mouth off and Allen shot him a disgusted look. “Can you grab me a book, Lenalee?”

The Chinese girl nodded and walked over to his side of the room. “Which one?” She asked.

“Whichever is on top,” Lavi clarified, coughing. When he wiped his hand over his mouth again, he saw red once more. Grimacing, he grabbed Lenalee’s proffered book.

“ _Ne,_ Yuu-chan, I’m gonna read you _A Tale of Two Cities_. Ahem. ‘It was the best of times; it was the worst of times…’”

Yuu’s hand twitched as Lavi read, and the redhead felt his heart swell with each tiny movement.

\---

_June 2, 2014, 11:41 PM—Hospital in London_

Lavi felt a rough shaking beneath him and sat up, prying his eye open. He’d fallen asleep on Yuu’s chest without meaning to. The nurse would have his head. But at the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Yuu was staring up at him, his deep black eyes nearly unfocused with disuse. It was, quite possibly, the best sight Lavi had laid eye on in the past several months.

“Yuu?” He asked. “You’re awake?”

“ _Rabi, stop beeping,_ ” Yuu whispered in Japanese, his voice raspy.

“You’re eighteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds early,” Lavi said quietly. The corners of Yuu’s mouth lifted up in a slight smile, his atrophied muscles not allowing any further movement. There was a soft, croaky chuckle that originated somewhere in Yuu’s chest and came creaking out his mouth.

“You would know the exact time,” Yuu mumbled softly, coughing. Lavi leaned back and pressed the nurse’s call button.

He couldn’t hold Yuu’s hand—he had MRSA at the moment—but he could look down at his lover and revel in the fact that he could now hear the voice he’d thought he’d never hear again.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“ _Baka Usagi,_ ” Yuu grumbled, lifting his arm shakily. “ _You’re still beeping._ ”

Lavi rolled his eye. “That’s the heart monitor, Yuu-chan, not me,” he said exasperatedly.

“ _Tired…_ ” Yuu mumbled, closing his eyes again. His arm was still outstretched, as if seeking something.

“You’ll wake up again, right?” Lavi asked hurriedly. Yuu’s searching hand found Lavi’s, and even though the redhead could barely bend his, their fingers intertwined for the first time in months. He smiled.

“ _Of course._ ” It was a simple, decisive answer, and Lavi couldn’t help but trust it, his heart purring in contentment.

“Sleep well, then,” Lavi whispered, still smiling.

“ _Aishiteru_ ,” Yuu mumbled, and then he was gone. Lavi closed his eye, leaning back against Yuu’s chest. His world seemed much brighter and much, much warmer. It would be an uphill struggle for good health, but it would be easier now that Yuu was awake.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey, everybody! We got a request to post this here, although there will be chapters later that won't be appropriate (they'll be posted on LJ and/or affnet--we will also have summaries). This story is going to get very, VERY dark and angsty, so if you don't like that, you probably shouldn't read this. Even we didn't know how dark this would get--it surprised the hell out of us. Also, we've included a list of new characters and their Innocence so you won't get completely confused. Anyway, enjoy reading!
> 
> THE EXORCISTS
> 
>  
> 
> -From the Past (5)
> 
>  
> 
> Lenalee Lee
> 
> Allen Walker
> 
> Kanda Yu(u)
> 
> Lavi
> 
> Miranda Lotto
> 
>  
> 
> -Current-day (18)
> 
>  
> 
>  ****Generals: (3…5)
> 
> (Allen Walker, TBA—to be added) parasite, left arm
> 
> (Lenalee Lee, TBA) crystal, dark boots
> 
> Tamas Varga (male, Hungarian, 37) diamond, machete
> 
> Tuan Chu (male, Vietnamese, 25) diamond, machine gun
> 
> Cyrah Kabbah (female, African, 43) diamond, whip
> 
>  **Main Branch: (5)** head: Patrick Smith
> 
> Amanda Colten (female, American, 16) diamond, discus
> 
> Darcy “Mr. Darcy,” “Darce” O’Connell (male, Irish, 21) diamond, cutlass
> 
> Elliott Manson (male, British, 13) diamond, bazooka
> 
> Artemis Papathanos (female, Greek, 19) diamond, bow and arrows
> 
> Lolek Sadowski (male, Polish, 35) parasite, gauntlets (9/23)
> 
>  
> 
> **American Branch: (3)**
> 
>  
> 
> Michel Benoit (male, Canadian, 46) parasite, hand becomes chainsaw
> 
> Hok’ee – Navajo, “abandoned” (male, American Indian, 38) diamond, spear
> 
> Krista Harris (female, American, 12) parasite, wings and claws/talons
> 
>  
> 
> **Asian Branch: (4)**
> 
>  
> 
> *Vikram Maitra (male, Indian, 24) diamond, prayer beads
> 
> Sasaki Emiko (first name) –From Hokkaido (female, Japanese, 21) diamond, nun chucks & shuriken
> 
> Choon-yei Lang (female, Korean, 57) diamond, Dangpa (three-pronged spear)
> 
> Bak Chan III (male, Chinese, 22) diamond, Tai Chi sword
> 
>  
> 
> **Australian Branch: (1)**
> 
>  
> 
> Justin Treverton (male, Australian, 15) parasite, Koala (named Siegfried)
> 
>  
> 
> **South American Branch: (2)**
> 
>  
> 
> Maya Reyes (female, Mexican, 29) diamond, flaming sword (earns her the nickname Gabriel)
> 
> Rodrigo Pereira (male, Brazilian, 42) diamond, guitar (whaps sound waves at the Akuma)


End file.
